Please look for the other post. Entitled "The good old 'I need a break'...read more"

Hello everyone!(if this thread is posted twice I apologize, but I received no confirmation)

I've been on the forumings just listening and reading to the many advices and comments on situations similar to mine. I guess it is inevitably my turn!

My girlfriend of almost 3 years asked me for a break a little over a month ago. In the back of my head I was hoping it would happen, not because I wanted to do anything, but I knew we would never be able to reach that next level if it didn't. She also told me from the beginning that she wanted to see other people. I kind of want her to see other people so that way if we do get back together it won't be a fluke. I actually suggested about 2 weeks ago that we take a complete no contact break, to comply with her first wish.. space. The last time we talked we argued for a while, but it seemed like at the end of the conversation we started moving in a direction of resolution. I'm not sure though. I can understand why she would want space, and to see what else is out there. We dated out of high school, and with the pressure of her parents saying a break would help, because they took one.

I guess to sum up everything, she's told me she likes somebody else already. I've been working on improving myself. And I do feel like God is working with me everyday. We both also expressed that we feel like we will be together in the end in a great relationship free from all doubts and "what ifs". I guess I'm wondering if I'm handling this correctly. If you need more information please ask, and I also know there's no real answer to this kind of thing... I just really need to talk about it so I don't have to hold this in all the time. Thank you guys for everything, and I really look forward to dialouging!

Its just an excuse for her to go out and be free with other people. Let God work within your life everyday and maybe just maybe Gods plan is not for this lady to be in your life. It does not sound like it in my opinion. Also if she is so easily influenced by other guys and family members. It is better that you guys do that now of course. Your line sums up why I said what I said. She told me she likes somebody else already. RED FLAG.

Like you, when my girlfriend suggested we take a break I suggested we go all the way with it, as in - no contact at all.. In hope that we would miss each other and she would realise she loves me or whatever.. well she never came back.
Your girlfriend tells you that she likes someone already.. what you need to do now is get over her.Stop contact with her and focus on yourself.. You can't wait around for her in belief that Gods plan is to return her to you some day after she realises its you she wants.

We never know what will come next, but for sure you know your broken up. As you accept that fact, and work on rebuilding your life without her in it, you will be a better, healthier and wiser person. Its your responsibility to love yourself, and pursue your own happiness, and let her do the same. The rest will play out later. We never know who we will share our happiness with, but must be ready when they do appear in our lives.

Awesome awesome! I've been reading the boards, and it seems like very consistent advice. I haven't talked to her in weeks, but I guess if she calls me or something I may or may not answer depending on what's going on.. lol. This is so weird man. I never realized how common this issue is, but I definitely see what you guys are saying. And just to ask, what exactly is NC. Because I've seen different variations and I want to know exactly what everyone describes as no contact.

NO CONTACT, Don't call, or be available for their calls. Disappearing from their life, to focus on yourself, and your healing.

Wouldn't even bother with the ''break!''

Time to walk away and not look back.

Hello everyone! I've posted my story before but I just wanted a couple specific opinions on something...

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago... and it was light contact until 9 days ago when I decided to do NC strictly. At first she was initiating then I started initiating. The weeks leading up to NC, I would text every couple of days or so and she would respond. I know part of her not initiating anymore is due to her I guess 'liking' another guy. I know that anything is possible, but I was just wondering what everyone thought. I mean, I would like to work on our issues but at the same time I'm ready to stop hanging on. Have people reconnected after a 'late' NC period? Thank you in advance for your answers!

I have had on two occasions where I got back together with a ex after NC. Both times, I applied NC because I was angry as opposed to trying to make them miss me. In both cases the break up happened, and then NC was immediate. In other words I didn't hang around trying to fix the problem. There in lies one of the secrets of NC, women think emotionally, and when you hang around trying to make it work they look at that as weakness, they see that as desperation. We tend to see that as "I'm care enough to try and make this work." You see it time and again, in movies but that's fake, in real life it doesn't work because it shows emotional weakness, which women do not find attractive.

So to answer your question, I think your better off moving forward without any ideas of getting her back. Furthermore, she has set this up perfectly for her. She has you on the back burner should it not work out with the other guy. This is not a good spot for you because once you have been moved into "second place" then she has no need to make you a permanent number one, because she knows you will always be happy with waiting in the wings as long as she gives you some attention.

Well said chuff... I wish I had heard this the day after I broke up with my ex

Dead on chuff

Cool. Got my confirmation. Sticking to NC strong man. And thanks for the answers guys. Ha... now when I need inspiration I'll whisper to myself... '2nd place.' Super motivation!

Well, my ex broke my last NC attempt at 3 weeks with a simple text that said "Happy Sabbath :)".. I didn't reply for a couple days then I sent, "I know this is late, but thanks for the Sabbath wishes, hope yours went well too". She did not reply to that text. For some odd reason I was feeling quite 'dumb' as I sent her one of those 'BF applications' through e-mail the nxt day... she did not reply to the e-mail, but the next day she did text me again saying, "hey! How are u? Where you @ these days?".. to which I replied, "hey gorgeous! I'm good, in hsv lol. U?" she then said, "yea. I'm bak. We gotta catch up. :)"... to which I replied, "ok. It'll be fun"... then she said, "ok. I'll hit u up one day. :) ttyl" and I said "sounds like a plan".

Now I guess I just want opinions on if I played this correctly, I know the email was kind of iffy... but do you think she replied to the email, or just texting independent of that? I started back on NC and we haven't spoke since. Anybody have any ideas where this is going? And don't worry, not looking for any reason to contact her at all.. thanks in advance.

Can't really say if her text was from the e-mail or not... guess you'll never know.

How are you feeling about the contact you have had with her? Are you regretting this at all? It sounds like she thinks you guys are friends and everything is OK. Is it though, I am getting the feeling this is making you feel bad. It doesn't sound like you should get your hopes up over anything though, and I don't think that meeting up will be a good thing for you right now as I don't think its going to go the way you want it to...

Yeah I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I guess cool since I know she initiated contact last, but I don't know. I'm sure that the whole 'catch up' thing is not going to happen for a while as I think she has been seeing someone. I'm not sure though. Most of the time I feel indifferent to everything... I get the impression she was testing the water though... as she really made it a point to add all the smiley faces as she did not know how I would react. I have not acted as 'just friends' so that would be pressumptious on her part to think that I think.

Just the fact that you are over analyzing the smiley faces makes me feel that it probably isn't the best idea to respond to her anymore or to make attempts at 'meeting up'. I don't really think your ready for it, even though you say for the most part you are indifferent, I think you need to really be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you can handle seeing her and talking to her knowing she is seeing someone else.

Do you have any hopes that she might see you and miss your, or tell you that she is miserable, or that she wants to try again? All of these are bad signs.

As bad as it sounds, you really aren't ready to see her until you don't want to anymore. I know it sucks to hear, but as long as your thinking about meeting up and talking with her, you probably aren't ready to...

Yeah I hear you BB. The only reason I mentioned the smileys though was because when I was initiated the contact she was very cold. No questions, just one word replies. So it was just a change of pace I guess. I wasn't really anaylzing I just noticed them.

As far as us meeting up... if it happens OK. If it doesn't oh well... I'm not pursuing or persuading at all. As I am not initiating nor am I really expecting anything. Not to say that I don't want anything, I'm just not expecting anything. I hope that clarifies a bit.

As long as you keep your mind open, think clearly and analyze all of your decisions before you act on them. Being this far in, you know what feels good and what feels bad. You know the pain of the beginning NC, so don't do anything that will set you back.

Best of luck with whatever happens.

Yeah that's a good point. I even have times where I get amped up about NC. Kind of weird but it works. Wonder where everything will be in at the end of July.

I think you helped it cool which was good, you didn't do anything drastic and were just relaxed I think she noticed that and I think your going to be just fine, just one tiny suggestion just keep it slow if you guys do hang out then just keep it slow like you guys are just friends for now
**LD**

LD, thanks for the post. Definitely a different perspective and I can actually see what you're saying. She had to have noticed because it was a complete 180 of how I had been acting and I really haven't been crowding her. Anyway, I think I'm going to keep that whole nonchalant but responsive thing going... any ideas?

Do you want her back?
Have you been able to move on??

Yeah I want her back. And with the exception of some bad days here and there I feel like I'm moving on. No major depressions. No strong urge to contact. No strong concern with her period. At this point she must initiate if things are to change.

Wow, you sound as if you don't care one way or another. That in itself is a good enough reason to move ahead, and leave her alone.

Lol. I can't say that I don't care either way. That definitely would not be true.

It's a shame that when your girl leaves you, opening up to her and being honest about how you feel won't bring her back instead you got to play it cool and wait around for her hoping she'll finally see sense and come back to you that's messed up.
Im in the same position as you bruv just keep the lines of communication open.. who knows what could happen.

Well now I guess I'm going back and forth as far as NC or not. I really shouldn't be initiating contact right? Much different tune then I was singing earlier.

Either stay in contact or go for the NC don't be in 2 minds about it. After a lot of BS and drama, I've backed off from my girl completely.. going to take the time to sort myself out, make myself feel like a million bucks and make sure she sees it then lay it out for her if she isn't on it I'm gone for the last time. A guys got to have a plan right? Good luck with yours.

Yeah I agree with that. I really can't see a point in initiating contact at this point. I really don't. So it's NC for now.

Good thinking :)
She knows how you feel right? She knows you want her back. Its more than likely that everything has been said. You don't want her as a friend, you don't need to know what she's getting up to. If something bad happens to her, I'm sure you'll be one of the first people who she gets in contact with. So relax, take it easy and use this time for you.

That's very true. I figure I have said everything, and she should know exactly how I feel by now. Lol. So yeah, at the end of the day I feel much better having not broke NC then I probably would if I had.

Exactly lol don't undo your hard work! Just think after all this time anything you have left to say to her isn't going to bring her back.. she would be back already if that was the case.
I know its hard as hell when you get the urge to talk to her.. and its even harder when you think about what she's potentially getting up to whilst you can't even watch porn without feeling guilty lol (ok maybe that ones just me) but stay strong man..

Just don't get your hopes up. Still carry on with your life, but don't put her at the top of your proiorities. Play it cool. Take it step by step and just go with the flow. Stay strong and don't initiate contact. Leave the ball in her court and see where it goes :-)

Thanks for the reply... I've been struggling with contacting her for the last few days... clearly NC works because she contacted me last... patience is a virtue that can hurt you. Lol.

Either stay in contact or go for the NC dont be in 2 minds about it. After alot of BS and drama, ive backed off from my girl completely.. gonna take the time to sort myself out, make myself feel like a million bucks and make sure she sees it then lay it out for her if she aint on it im gone for the last time. A guys gotta have a plan right? Good luck with yours.

That is probably one of the most positive and inspiring mindsets I have heard from someone who just broke up. Bravo man.

Thanks for the reply...I've been struggling with contacting her for the last few days...clearly NC works because she contacted me last...patience is a virtue that can hurt you. Lol.

Dollarman,

The urge to call her will fade in time, trust me. You will go through phases but the urges get less and less as time goes on. Its been over 2 months since I last talked to my ex and I never have the urge to call her anymore. I miss her yeah, but call her? Never.

Yeah you're right BB. My last attempt at NC I truly felt OK with everything, and I really had no problem with the NC anymore... then she texts me. So now I think my subconscious is caught up on whether she'll write to me again. Although I did just think of something... I never did the whole "please don't contact me unless you want to reconcile, I need to heal" bit, and I was wondering if maybe I should... not to envoke a reaction but to lay it out there and possibly quiet my subconscious as much as possible...

If you need her to leave you alone, there really isn't anything wrong with asking her to do so - just so long as you can handle the fact that she might not contact you again. It sounds like you are ready for that, but I can't make that decision, only you can.

Well the thing is... she hasn't really been bothering me. Outside those texts there's been no contact at all. And I guess my issue is that I don't want her to initiate contact just to end up feeling like I do 4 weeks from now. If that makes sense... I think I'll wait it out a bit but I'm not sure at this moment.

Dollarman, I am going through about the same thing. 3 weeks of NC and she broke contact with "bought a new car....... ". I played it cool initially and did very short and cold replies, but as soon as I dropped my guard and starting txting freely and even suggested that I take a ride in her car she backed off. Its been a week and I am undecided as well to should I reply to her next contact or go NC for a long period. From reading all the replies you have received I am leaning towards NC indefinitely. Good Luck Man! Will keep following your thread.

Dman, in a previous post you talked about how she was positioning you as basically a back up plan and how this entire situation benefits her. Well nothing has changed, she sends you a best wishes, and even though you hold off before replying you still replied and in that lead to some back and forth where YOU said, let's catch up. Again, this puts HER in the power position. Look at what happened the moment YOU said, "let's catch up" she said, "i'll hit you up ONE DAY." So this is right back to being on her terms, this catch up, that YOU requested, will be when SHE initates it. You are once again powerless and she is once again, in a power position and leading this interaction between the two of you. No contact was working, this we know because she caved before you, she didn't think you were strong enough and she came back to you. "Happy Sabbath" wasn't a wish for you, it was a test to see your response, if one at all, and where she stood. Now your wondering when the next contact will be and how this will all come about.

You owe it to yourself now to NOT contact her at all. I think you are thinking somewhat clearly but when you go back to talking to her, that kind of takes your emotions into a fuzzy area and you get confused... which by the way is perfectly normal, but your fuzzy emotions are clouding what is really going on here. She wants you as a back up plan and you deserve better then that so you should let her know, not through words but through your actions, by showing her that you will not put up with that and her tests. Stay in NC and stay away from her until she either leaves you and her game for good or until she comes back on YOUR terms.

I can't really argue with you chuff. You already know that your advice is very very helpful and insightful. Although I never brought up catching up... she mentioned it to me and I just said sounds good. Either way, I do hear what you're saying and I'm glad you left your opinion here. You wouldn't believe how much it really helps.

DM, I think you handled your responses very well. I would take it one day/step at a time. Do whatever makes you happy. Just always remember, It is What it is. Don't put any unspoken words into the picture. Don't try to intrepret something that she said as something else. Don't build your hopes upon the notions of pretense. When she contact you again, go with your heart.

Michelle

OK don't be mad at me guys... I asked God, prayed and prayed... and then I realized I had just sent a text... it was simple.. just said, "hope you are doing good".

She didn't answer for a bit and surprisingly it didn't bother me too much.

She texts back, "I've been better. I'm kinda down. Things with one of my friends went kinda bad."(She always referred to the guy she was seeing as "friend".. not sure if that's what she's talking about but whatever)

I then sent, "I really hate to hear that. don't be down! come onnn! smile!"

SERIOUSLY DID NOT EXPECT THIS ONE...

So she replies...

"i smiled wen i saw that u txt me. i got ur emails and ur letters i just havent had the time or energy to respond like i want but they were sweet and fun. "

We then texted back and forth for a while... stopped... then I sent her a funny pic saying I hope she feels better and good night. Didn't expect a response.. didn't get one. And I don't feel any worse than before.

Back to NC to see where it goes... I guess I just wanted to put a feeler out there.
OK I'm not trying to get to excited... but talk to me guys... gimme some opinions.

It made you feel good, but means nothing. How much did it fill you with hope for more, though?
Did it get you thinking something had changed, like her mind about you? Are you trying to figure what she means?

The question my friend, is how did it make you feel??

Honestly, it made me feel good. Only because I've seen the evolution of how we used to talk post break up and now. She seemed a lot warmer and the fact that she would say that to me unprovoked made me feel good. Granted, it may be a one time occurrence... it may not mean anything... but I did feel good.

I feel like you are still hoping for something that may not happen, which is going to prolong your emotional healing. I understand you want to get back with her, but I think by being in contact with her your clouding your own judgment as to what is going to be the ultimate outcome.

Thanks chuffster. I realize that I definitely can't do that too often or at all because I was a mess waiting on her replies. I feel like things did go positively, but at the same time at what cost? Who knows..

Hi Dollarman!

Not for nothing? I know the feelings too well. When you contemplate whether you should reach out to your ex, then decide to, and you wait and wait for their response. It can tear you up waiting, and then if/when they do respond, we tend to analyze their responses. I think it's sweet that you reached out to her, and you texted back and forth for a little while, but, sweetie be strong, and try and do the NC again. Let her come back to you, let her miss you. If you do not end up getting back, just know in your heart and soul that you gave it your all, and there will be someone new for you, who will cherish you, and you will cherish. Then you can give your all to her. :)

Hi Star! Thanks for the reply... it made me smile. I actually feel better today whereas the last few days I been anxious. I don't know why I have a good feeling about things... but again I'm going to sit on this egg for awhile..

Hi Star! Thanks for the reply...it made me smile. I actually feel better today whereas the last few days I been anxious. I don't know why I have a good feeling about things...but again I'm going to sit on this egg for awhile..

I think I can shed some light on that question, my friend. Because you ARE a great guy, and you WILL get through this, and you WILL give your love to that special woman who I'm sure is just around the corner. Keep those spirits soring! You are doing great! :D

I officially owe you dinner, a movie, a helicopter ride, the works! I haven't heard stuff like that in such a long time and now my day will officially started correctly. You are a God send and every time I read your words I remember why God created woman... truly a phenomenal woman. Thank you!

I may only be getting some of this and if I am wrong, feel free to say so. You seem to do N/C after every time you talk to her and wait for her to text you. That's really not the purpose of NC, you aren't healing. You are still holding out hope, and you think that if you don't text her and she texts you that it means she wants to get back with you. You could be just a friend, nothing more to her.

Oh no... I don't think it means anything until she says so. In my head I am just a friend. Not a friendly friend, but we aren't together. So with that in mind I don't think just because we text she wants me back. Not at all. However, I see how it could be easy to think that though, and I actually like your perspective. I've followed your story as well so I know you know your stuff.

I officially owe you dinner, a movie, a helicopter ride, the works! I haven't heard stuff like that in such a long time and now my day will officially started off correctly. You are a God send and everytime I read your words I remember why God created woman...truly a phenomenal woman. Thank you!

Thank you, Dollar! I really do appreciate that. I speak the truth. :D Listen, if it wasn't for you, and everyone here, I would have been truly out of my mind. You Rock!

Thanks Dollar, I just don't want to see someone get their hopes up and then it be shattered.

I really appreciate that. And like I said I'm sitting on this one for a while. No constant contact. Well at least initiated by me.

I really appreciate that. And like I said I'm sitting on this one for a while. No constant contact. Well at least initiated by me.

Dollarman, please help me to understand something. You mentioned that she broke your NC, and that you were back to NC after you did not get a favorable result, but do you truly understand the purpose of NC? No contact is just that, regardless of who initiate the contact. If you continue this "I'm no contact until she contact me and then it's back to no contact", you are going to forever hurt. What are you truly expecting out of this NC method of yours?

Michelle

Dman,

I think Michelle brings up a good point. This can go back and forth forever, but she is a woman and she understands how emotions work better then you do. For her this is nothing because she's got other options to fill her time, you on the other hand are using her as the option you will play with and wait out. That does nothing for you, that does nothing to help you, that does nothing to move you forward, it just continues this pattern you are currently in.