Over the weekend I found my fiancés porn collection. First let me tell you he is a basketball coach/ social studies teacher a prodminatley black high school. I am mixed half colombian half black 19 year old girl and he is white 29 year old man. I've been out of high school for about 2 years now and am very independent for my age. I used to have issues with the fact that he taught seniors that were basically my age or a couple years younger but it faded away until now. His porn collection consists of older white men having sex with young black girls i.e. black girls on their 18th birthday, black girls pretending to be virgins, black girls in cheerleading and school uniforms and black girls pretending they don't want to have sex. I am very worried now and I feel I need wo do something but I don't know what. What should I do?

Sounds like he has a fixation-fetish for young black girls.

Sounds like he has a fixation-fetish for young black girls.

But do you think it will lead to him preying on girls at the high school he works at?

Yes... I would report him to the police, but I feel I can't tell you to do that. He is a high school teacher in possession of child pornography. The porn is advertised as using "18 year olds" but that is just a cover-up for distributing child porn.

Take care of yourself...

Yes....I would report him to the police, but I feel I can't tell you to do that. He is a high school teacher in possession of child pornography. The porn is advertised as using "18 year olds" but that is just a cover-up for distributing child porn.

Take care of yourself....


Is this really that serious. He never speaks of wanting to have sex with young girls and after I found the porn I tested him and roll played like I was a school girl in one of my old costumes from last halloween. It didn't turn him on. He was actually annoyed. I'm really confused.

Well how often does he watch the porn ? He is adicted to the porn ?

But sorry he already sounds like one to me.

Okay you are 19 he is 29 he is a white man and you are black? I don't understand you. Of course he likes young black girls-holy crap.

This fetish is a problem for him if his school/pricipal/teachers/mothers/fathers of the schoolgirls finds out-so I think he was worried about you doing the Schoolgirl thing. It would worry me if a teacher/coach has a fetish about 14-year-old white schoolgirls (like my daughter) was working at her school!

I think you may have to tell him-the porn is out! Or you are...

Revised 31st April 08... Thanks for the reddie-that helps. I was trying to help you-you could have just replied on the forum.. Either way, does he want to dispose of his "out of date porn"? Or is he just still waiting for the next opportunity to fantasise? A teacher/coach should not be doing this PARENTS WOULD BE HORRIFIED IF THEY FOUND OUT!

OK.. definitely do NOT go running to the cops.. you could jeopardize an innocent mans career over something that could be nothing at all. He is with you.. and you are a 19-year old black girl... why wouldn't he want some porn with 18-19 year old back girls?

Just because he looks at porn doesn't mean he's going to go pedophile on kids at the school he teaches.

Teachers should have the right to look at porn, too.

Talk to him about it, if anything. Don't jump the gun and potentially ruin someone's life on a hunch

I agree, running to the cops may ruin his career. The thing to think about is that you will continue to age. Do you want to be married to this guy when you are 40? His preferences may never affect you or the relationship. Yet, his preference is for young black girls.

Yes....I would report him to the police, but I feel I can't tell you to do that. He is a high school teacher in possession of child pornography. The porn is advertised as using "18 year olds" but that is just a cover-up for distributing child porn.

Take care of yourself....


Are you KIDDING?

Watching legal movies about girls who are ADULTS is suddently "child porn"?

Oh Jesus.

EVERYTHING in the media makes the 18 year old girl the standard for beauty--movies (including Disney), models, advertising, magazines, etc--and then people get ticked when someone is attracted to that?

As to the OP--YOU are a young (half) black girl. If he wasn't attracted to young black girls, he wouldn't be with YOU. I personally have always been attracted to guys who are tall, stocky, and shave their heads. Does that mean Mr. Clean is pornography for me?

Oh please. Seriously. If the porn in general concerns you, talk to him about it. But I sincerely doubt that he's a closet pedophile just waiting for his students to come on to him.

Well how often does he watch the porn ? he is adicted to the porn ?

But sorry he already sounds like one to me.


No I don't think so. We have way too much sex for him to even have time to watch porn. I found in a box in the garage.

I agree, running to the cops may ruin his career. The thing to think about is that you will continue to age. Do you want to be married to this guy when you are 40? His preferences may never affect you or the relationship. Yet, his preference is for young black girls.


Yes I do believe I want to be married to him forever, I don't believe his preference for loving and being attracted to me inside and out will ever change.

Look, folks, here in Chicagoland about every six months there is a teacher hauled out of school in handcuffs for having sexual relationships, doing strange things, viewing porn... WITH THEIR STUDENTS. Unfortunately, it is very common.

PEDOPHILES ARE LIARS... PERVERTS ARE OUT TO PERVERT THE YOUNG AND INNOCENT; THEY RELY ON THEM BEING FEARFUL AND STUPID! They rely on adults for being too passive.


Be careful, girl, this guy is one bad dude...

Look, folks, here in Chicagoland about every six months there is a teacher hauled out of school in handcuffs for having sexual relationships, doing strange things, viewing porn......WITH THEIR STUDENTS. Unfortunately, it is very common.

PEDOPHILES ARE LIARS......PERVERTS ARE OUT TO PERVERT THE YOUNG AND INNOCENT; THEY RELY ON THEM BEING FEARFUL AND STUPID! They rely on adults for being too passive.


Be careful, girl, this guy is one bad dude..........


Be careful meaning? This doesn't answer my questions. That's just a statement.

He is entitled to watch porn too and we discussed the factr that men don't sit and watch an enitre porn movie they go to the scenes they like and watch those. And he likes the more mature scenes.

And this,
Young black girls is his preference he admitted last night. But he also said young black girls 18 and up out of high school.

Just make me think you are buying perhaps a little too much "spin". Form him you are a little niave-I hope I'm wrong but I'd watch him like a hawk. Sorry, but I KNOW and understand this fetish-it doesn't just "go away" over time.

WOW!

This one scares me! Not the guy, some of the answers!!

OK, "in a box, in the garage". What does that tell you about how much he is "enjoying" this porn now?

You said you guys have a very good sex life? So, when he didn't have a real person, that fit into his preferences, this was his substitute, and a very cheap imitation, substitute at that.

Don't call the cops! Period.

I understand the paranoia, and concern, but didn't we learn anything from the Salem Witch Trials?

If the porn is in the garage, and you are in his bed, I think you are making way to big a deal out of this.

Look, folks, here in Chicagoland about every six months there is a teacher hauled out of school in handcuffs for having sexual relationships, doing strange things, viewing porn......WITH THEIR STUDENTS. Unfortunately, it is very common.

PEDOPHILES ARE LIARS......PERVERTS ARE OUT TO PERVERT THE YOUNG AND INNOCENT; THEY RELY ON THEM BEING FEARFUL AND STUPID! They rely on adults for being too passive.


Be careful, girl, this guy is one bad dude..........


And here in Minneapolis, there are hundreds of magazines for sale at the grocery store, all featuring sexy young women and how to be JUST like them.

So if all teachers are closet pedophiles, all women want to regress to being a sexy teenager that stars in a porn movie.

Get real. Seriously.

MOST porn is about YOUNG women. You don't see very many porn movies (though they do exist!) about a 20-something guy wanting to nail an 80 year old woman. About the closest most get is the MILF movies about women in their 20s.

If it was in a box, in the garage, that would indicate to me that it was something he himself had used when he was younger--perhaps even close to the age of the women in the videos!

For god's sake, not every man who watches porn is an addict, or a pedophile, or has no idea how to connect with a "real" woman.

I agree, using recreational tools is not a bad thing, having a fetish is not a bad thing. Something about this, comes off as a bit disturbing to me for some reason. I am not sure I have any reason or grounds to say that. If nothing else couples counseling would not be a bad idea, seriously, because someone, a third party needs to determine if this harmless or not. I mean, you will want to know if you were just a person to fulfill a fantasy or someone he clearly wanted to have a relationship with. I think his willingness to sort this out will give you the answer you need. He may not be wrong, but someone needs to be involved to determine that. Since you are emotionally involved he may dismiss what you say, as sad as that may be. Sometimes people are more receptive when an outside, impartial person shares an educated opinion.



Well how often does he watch the porn ? he is adicted to the porn ?

But sorry he already sounds like one to me.

I agree. I mean, if he were looking at something that had actual children in it I would be a bit disturbed and that would call me into action no doubt. The touchy part of all this I think that your hinting to is that you feel he may be attracted to his students, underage students, who aren't children per se but not legal. I don't think the porn is really the issue here then is it?



And here in Minneapolis, there are hundreds of magazines for sale at the grocery store, all featuring sexy young women and how to be JUST like them.

So if all teachers are closet pedophiles, all women want to regress to being a sexy teenager that stars in a porn movie.

Get real. Seriously.

MOST porn is about YOUNG women. You don't see very many porn movies (though they do exist!) about a 20-something guy wanting to nail an 80 year old woman. About the closest most get is the MILF movies about women in their 20s.

If it was in a box, in the garage, that would indicate to me that it was something he himself had used when he was younger--perhaps even close to the age of the women in the videos!

For god's sake, not every man who watches porn is an addict, or a pedophile, or has no idea how to connect with a "real" woman.

No I don't think so. we have way too much sex for him to even have time to watch porn. I found in a box in the garage.


Lots of people who have "way too much sex" have time to watch porn. Or are perverts. Or both. Only you know this situation... and him. Lots of women are s-o-o surprised when "he's" arrested because "they have sex all the time."

Would I report him? No. Would I think twice about marrying him? Yes.

No I don't think so. we have way too much sex for him to even have time to watch porn. I found in a box in the garage.



Okay, I checked through your other posts just to get some background.

Apparently there are problems in your sexual relationship (and other problems in your relationship), problems seriously enough to post and ask for advice.

If you are so conflicted... get out, for his sake if not your own.

Okay, I checked through your other posts just to get some background.

Apparently there are problems in your sexual relationship (and other problems in your relationship), problems seriously enough to post and ask for advice.

If you are so conflicted ... get out, for his sake if not your own.


I'm seriously considering this, but I am scared to be alone.

Been there.

Don't be scared to be alone. It's a bad reason to be in a relationship.

After the loss of a big love, seven years together, me in my young 20's... I thought "am i ever going to find someone"?

Well yeah.

I found other loves, lost other loves, and eventually found my wife. Thank God.

So its normal to be a little scared, but its not a reason to stay. I'm not telling you to leave him, that's your call...

But I will tell you that being scared to be alone doesn't make for a happy life... you have to work through that fear so that it doesn't control you.

I'm seriously considering this, but I am scared to be alone.



If you care at all for your fiancé you owe it to him to be truthful - everybody is scared to be alone, it's part of life.

And when you post you really owe it to people who are trying to help to be truthful with them, too.

And when you post you really owe it to people who are trying to help to be truthful with them, too.


What exactly do you mean be truthul? I haven't lied about anything.

I used to be scared to be alone, then I realized that was a sick reason to stay with someone. I have discovered being empowered by being alone. At times I think I prefer it now.
If you care at all for your fiance you owe it to him to be truthful - everybody is scared to be alone, it's part of life.

And when you post you really owe it to people who are trying to help to be truthful with them, too.

I agree. I think so many people get this fairlytale in their head. It's not your fault or anyone else. It's just we all buy into "your the only one for me" and well it's nice to say and it's nice to hear. I mean, being practical is never romantic. No one wants to hear "baby, I love you, for now...." If anything, having a loss will make you stronger and it will make you learn more about yourself and what you want. It does not sound good now, but it will be later, should you go through it.



been there.

dont be scared to be alone. its a bad reason to be in a relationship.

after the loss of a big love, seven years together, me in my young 20's... i thought "am i ever going to find someone"?

well yeah.

i found other loves, lost other loves, and eventually found my wife. thank God.

so its normal to be a little scared, but its not a reason to stay. im not telling you to leave him, thats your call...

but i will tell you that being scared to be alone doesnt make for a happy life... you have to work through that fear so that it doesnt control you.

what exactly do you mean be truthul? I haven't lied about anything.
I don't believe it was meant as "you are lying"... it was meant as "you owe it to yourself and your partner to be open about any doubts you have"... not that you've lied here.

We have seen posters write in having said they married with doubts, and later paid the price, as did their mates, for marrying with serious doubts in place.

However... having read your other thread about his being older...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/20-vs-30-a-209460.html

You are talking about secretly taking birth control to prevent pregnancy when he wants a child sooner. That is lying.

You asked us to consider the fact that he's paying for school when looking at the relationship. Why??

So at this point you are scared of his fetish with younger black women (I have my own general fetishes in women.. ok), you are unsure how to take his collection of porn and unsure about whether he will prey on young women, you are not on the same page about kids and you are considering hiding the fact that you will take birth control when hell be anxious for kids, and you complain that he doesn't want to do the things you want to do, and your youth is important to you.

why in the WORLD are you planning on getting married???

It makes absolutely no sense to me. Were he to write in, id tell him that marrying is a bad idea, with all of these issues at hand.

And his paying for school means NOTHING concerning your relationship.

i dont believe it was meant as "you are lying"... it was meant as "you owe it to yourself and your partner to be open about any doubts you have"... not that youve lied here.

we have seen posters write in having said they married with doubts, and later paid the price, as did their mates, for marrying with serious doubts in place.



Well - this is not a message board and I'm a little uncomfortable responding but the thread about the fiance's possible sexual performance "problem" does not mention the pornography; this thread (about pornography) does not mention the possible sexual performance "problem." This "porno" info was not added to the other thread (and it might help explain the performance question - it was posted as a new question.

This "porno" thread would lead a reader to think there are no other problems in the relationship when, in fact, there could be. Is the porno an issue causing the other issue - I have no idea.

In my opinion the missing info is very specific to both problems - the performance and the pornography.

I agree 100%
however... having read your other thread about his being older...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/20-vs-30-a-209460.html

you are talking about secretly taking birth control to prevent pregnancy when he wants a child sooner. that is lying.

you asked us to consider the fact that hes paying for school when looking at the relationship. why???

so at this point you are scared of his fetish with younger black women (i have my own general fetishes in women..ok), you are unsure how to take his collection of porn and unsure about whether he will prey on young women, you are not on the same page about kids and you are considering hiding the fact that you will take birth control when hell be anxious for kids, and you complain that he doesnt want to do the things you want to do, and your youth is important to you.

why in the WORLD are you planning on getting married???

it makes absolutely no sense to me. were he to write in, id tell him that marrying is a bad idea, with all of these issues at hand.

and his paying for school means NOTHING concerning your relationship.

A new thread was started...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/enough-end-engagement-211494.html

a new thread was started...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/enough-end-engagement-211494.html



And so the stories go on and on and on -

Thanks for the heads up. I only saw the first 3.