HI again everyone. I last posted a question about adoption and grandparent visitation. Now I have a question about my daughter.

She is 7 years old. And about 3 1/2 years ago my mother began babysitting for her while I worked and went to college. She (my mother) had just gotten on SS Disability. So she had nothing to do anymore but involve herself in everyone else's lives. At the time her being my mother I thought that her babysitting would be the best thing ever! I paid her and I figured my daughter was being treated very well since hse was the grandbaby. Little did I know that my own mother would slit my throat in a heartbeat if it meant her getting something out of the deal.

So anyway long story short I cut all ties with my mother exactly 7 months after she began babysitting (prior to babysitting she had minimal contact with her) got a restraining order because she went psycho and battled her for 2 years in court over visitation only to lose. So for the past year that woman has had forced legal visitation with my daughter for one weekend every other month from 6pm Friday until 6pm Sunday unsupervised.

Prior to my mother babysitting my daughter was VERY well behaved, potty trained and in preschool at age 3. Total sweetheart and everyone was her best friend. When my mother began babysitting she did all things I asked and only occasionally went against my rules for my daughter. I figured it was just grandma being grandma at the time. My daughter went 2 years without seeing her and was making honorroll in school. Never had behavior problems from her except the occasional normal tantrum. And was very outgoing and wanted everyone to be her friend.

Since the court ordered visitation began, my daughter has slowly turned into my mother. Hatefule, spiteful, mean, vindictive, sneaky. Lies, steals, and is very aggressive towards me and my fiancé. She will tell me right to my face that she doesn't like rules and will do whatever she wants. And that she gets in trouble all the time because she hopes that will make me not want her and then she can go live with my mother where there aren't any rules. She will got to a visit and for three weeks afterwards she will get in trouble every day at school and will mouth off at home. Then she will finally begin to calm down. But still gets into trouble at least 2-3 times a week at school and very often at home.

Now don't get me wrong I am NOT a passive parent who thinks I need to be my children's best friend and buy their love or talk to them like they are grown ups. In my house I am the boss and they do as I say or they get punished. Now, don't misunderstand. I am not a big fat meany in my house and don't allow fun or play with my children. I am the biggest kid you'll ever meet. I play dress up and I play barbies still and I race cars on the floor. I am a heck of an artist with sidewalk chalk and I can just about make any disney creation out of pancakes. But when it is "business" time. I put the hammer down. I do not beat my children but I believe in spankings. Most of the time I make my youngest son (2) go sit down when he is being bad, which kills him more than anything.

But with my daughter... I have tried everything!! From spankings, to time out, to corner time, to major chores, to no TV, to nothing in her room but a bed and her clothes, to going straight to bed after she gets home and is fed. We have gone out to dinner and if she got introuble that day she ate spaghetti o's at home while the rest of the family has steaks out. And I am here to tell you that my daughter has the stubbornness of her mother. And she WILL NOT BREAK. She doesn't care what you do to her she is still going to do whatever she wants. Now at 7 it isn't that bad. But I want to head it off now. Counselors at school can't even get through to her. In her littl mind my mother has convinced her that she doesn't have to follow ANYBODIES rules and she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants and if anyone tries to punish her for it she can call the cops and tell them I hit her and she will get her way. Can I remind you that she is ONLY 7!! Now when I was 15 and mouthed off to my father he gave me a black eye and a busted lip. And believe me, I NEVER mouthed off to him again. But this day and age and given that she is a way bit younger than I was that is not an option. Not to mention I would go to jail and lose my other two kids.

So other than eliminating my mother, which is not possible at this time.( believe me I have been trying for 3 years now) and other than locking my daughter in her room and serving her ham sandwiches andwater for a week (believe me I thought about it :o ) Does ANYONE have any ideas on how to tame this wild child before she becomes dangerous to my boys, myself and/or herself??

I am guessing that maybe this question is too long?? Or am I just on my own with finding a solution?

Hi there, your situation sounds like a real problem and I can understand why you want it sorted, I am afraid that I have no real solutions for you either, I used to get this problem when my daughter used to visit her dad, she used to come back and be a totally different person, I know it is easier said than done, but have you tried just totally ignoring her till she behaves, knowing that she will have no audience sometimes works, just walk away and go and do something else, I think that the theory is that, if she has no audience, then there is no need to play up.

The other thing is that, is something happening at your mothers that she doesn't know or doesn't have the words yet to tell you about?

Thank you Lula, My fiancé and I are now doing just that. When she gets in trouble we just act like it isn't a big deal and when she gets home she folds her laundry and eats dinner and goes straight to bed.

Regarding the other... I really wouldn't doubt it. But considering that I have been told by my lawyer that I cannot "interrogate" her when she comes back from the visit our hands are tied. I guess on that aspect I will have to just see if she tells me something. I have the teachers at school keeping track of any odd statements she says and they call me from time to time. Believe it or not her school is the ONLY one that seems to be on MY side. Everyone else seems to think it's not a big deal because of it being "grandma".

Thank you again.

Have you spoken to grandma? You need to tell her about your daughters behavior problems and how worried it has you that she will not do well in school. If the problem is your mother then she is the one who needs to be addressed. This might kill you but maybe buy some flowers or tea or something... and go over to your mothers house without any of your other children and have a type of one on one. If your daughter will listen to grandma then maybe life will be better for you if she actually likes you and if you pretend to suck up to her. Explain your worries and fears about all your children and let her talk about your daughter and maybe mention how stubborn she is and that your sorry you were ever so stubborn.

As for at home I'd suggest doing what your already doing or perhaps calling supernanny from that TV show. I mean you don't want your daughter to hate you, but you do need her to respect you... if you go any further in punishment... sandwiches in her room for a week for example she really will hate you. On the other hand, maybe she's acting out for attention maybe take her for a day with just the two of you to the mall or the movies and dinner and try to talk to her about all of the reasons she hates you.

Hope you're able to tame the beast.

Thank you Gernald. I would love to tell you that going to my mother's house is an option. But it's not. If I so much as come close to her she will call the cops and do everything she can to have me arrested. If I know ANYONE, I know her. And her ultimate goal here is not in the best interest of anyone. She is out for blood and she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. My father died a year ago January. His last request on his death bed (this came from HER lawyer to mine) was to see me and my daughter before he passed on. My mother refused. She would not even allow me at the funeral. A woman that will not grant the dying wish of her own husband of 25 years has to tell you what kind of person she is.

Maybe call her first then.
I guess the good news is that people who are married for forever usually die around the same time. I don't know if that's good or bad... but I guess it's a positive for you. :)

Did you talk about grandma while she's in ear shot? I know you were doing what was best for the child, but all your daughter saw was that you were taking away someone she loved and loved her. That is really hard for a little girl to accept. She is sooo young. My daughter is 6, I didn't realize they had honor roll at such a young age, but that's good she was doing do well.

Your mother must have been doing very bad things because it would take a lot for me to take the people my daughter loves away from her. Your daughter must be extremely confused. From your previous posts you must have sworn her not to tell your mother about your other children. I can't imagine how hard that would be on a little girl. My daughter wouldn't be able to handle it.

Honestly, I think you should take your daughter to talk to someone. A professional, non-bias, person, who she can eventually feel comfortable enough with to share her concerns. She can't talk to you because you're the one that took grandma away, so she talks to grandma, and grandma agrees with her. She thinks that you're wrong, and you hurt her and grandma. You need her to talk to a safe person. Someone you know will not bash you. This person can't be you because she no longer trusts you.

Personally, I think the best and easiest way to fix this issue is to be civil with grandma. I know your mom did some awful things, but you sound pretty angry and bitter yourself. If your mother is not a threat to your daughter, maybe you should have a civil relationship. That's what I've had to do with my daughter's father. He did awful things. He ruined my credit, cheated, verbal abuse, etc, but as far as my daughter is concerned, her dad and his fiancé are my best friends. Now that there is nothing left for you to fight, you might as well make it work for your daughter.

You need to remember, it's not about you. It's not about your mother. It's about your daughter. Even if you punish her into submission, she is still going to be messed up in the head because of this mess.

Sorry, I wrote the whole get along with grandma thing before I saw your last post.

... I'm still baffeled as to why the court granted custody to the women who you have a restraining order against. (you did say there was a restraining order didn't you?)

Yes, I still have a restraining order valid until Feb of 2009. I am baffled myself. The very same judge that granted the restraining order granted the visitation. I was shocked. My mother's argument was that she had "raised my daughter and that I never saw her and that she took her to school and the doctor etc." Iwent to court with proof that all of it was lies I had the doctor testify, I had the teacher testify and I had my landlord testify. She still got visitation. But whatever.

In regards to me taking my daughter away from my mother... She only had her a couple of hours a day a couple days a week for 7 months before I cut all ties. And before I cut all ties I slowly shortened the visits. I warned my mother 3 times that if she did not follow the rules I set in regards to my daughter I would not let her see her. She still went against me and I said no more. I do not talk badly of my mother around my daughter, in fact I don't talk about the situation at all in front of my daughter or where she can hear. I grew up watching my mom beat the crap out of my dad and my dad take it my whole freakin life. I refused to do that to my kids. I prayed for them to get a divorce. I don't want my kids to feel the same about us.

I am going to be totally honest in the most crude way. I know that by saying this I am putting myself in a position to be criticized but it is the truth and I am not a very good liar.

I will NOT ever have anything to do with my mother again. I refuse to allow it. I don't care if she begged and pleaded and swore she had changed. I know that she is one of the biggest scam artist, fake, using people I have ever met or heard of. I spent my whole life with her and I will NOT let her influence my kids EVER again. I can't wait for her to die for two reasons... she will be gone from my life and God can decide where she belongs. I told my fiancé that when I die if I go to Heaven and I see her there I will forgive her. Because if God can, I can. But I am here to tell you I doubt VERY seriously if that woman will make it there. I truly believe that she thinks that she is even better than HIM. That woman took a trip to Arizona and had the church pay her bills and help with the trip by telling them she had to go to a hospital out there. She stood IN the church and LIED to the PREACHER. She did NOT go to a hospital, I know because I went also. I found out about the lie when we came back and I went to church with them and everyone asked me what the hospital had said. I told them the truth and my mother did not speak to me for a week. She told the church that I was confused and I was on drugs. They still continue to help her pay her bills. And she makes plenty of money. She LIED straight-faced to a man of God in the HOUSE of GOD. And didn't miss a beat. I doubt a murderer could do that.

Your child can benefit from some counseling, and have this done through her school, and a regular doctor visit, can also help in guiding you for some help in improving your child's behavior, and in finding remedies. It will also give you a chance to know what grandma is doing during visitations. Good Luck.

I know you said you tried everything for 3 years to stop visitation but with that bad of behaviour issues its hard to understand. Like report cards from before and now combined with a phyk evaluation would show an obvious change for the worse in this little girl. Also can't you just bluff it can say you have to move and get far away from your monther? This poor daughter of yours is getting fed lies by your mother so that she would want to move in with her.

We have moved once already. And my daughter told her our new address, which she learned because the school system thinks every child needs to know their phone number and address. But even if we moved from Indiana to California she would still get visitation rights. I would have to pay to fly her here and she would have to pay to fly her home. We are doing counseling through her school and I have the teacher and doctor doing everything they can. But I am telling you for whatever reason the state of Indiana gives grandparents A LOT of rights. I am beginning to think she has more rights than I do. But I appreciate all of the ideas. I am sure at some point we will come across one that works or I haven't tried yet!! THANK YOU ALL!!

Move to a state with less grandarental rights ! I almost want to say even though this is horrible advie if your daughter wants freedom give it to her. Wait till a spring or summer break don't cook for her or clean show her it actually sucks not having rules but of couce if your mom found out you'd be in a lot o' trouble or let her sleep over at a friends houses show her everyone has rules. Or even a boot camp. It couldn't hurt and its good for kids they say so your mom couldn't twist that too much but I hope you find a solution.

move to a state with less grandarental rights ! i almost want to say even tho this is horrible advie if your daughter wants freedom give it to her. wait till a spring or summer break dont cook for her or clean show her it actually sucks not having rules but of couce if ur mom found out you'd be in alot o' trouble or let her sleep over at a friends houses show her everyone has rules. or even a boot camp. it couldnt hurt and its good for kids they say so ur mom couldnt twist that too much but i hope you find a solution.

Weren't you listening?? She can't move because her mum will still have visitation and she'll have to pay for plane tickets. Good idea about the not doing anything for her, but it could backfire by her mum saying that she dosen't take care of her children or something.

I realise that but if she moves to a state with less parental laws I'm sure she would invest the money to get rid of her mother (if she had it) also I realsie that my other suggestion could backfire I said "if ur mom found out you'd be in alot o' trouble" but its my advice don't like it don't follow it . I think at this point boot camp would be an option

Here is a site you might be interested in

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/480082808?1208396307

I think maybe next time you have to go to court over this maybe get your daughters school to go with you and let the Judge know they see a problem with her behavior since being with grandma.

Thanks again for all the answers and ideas. I have her teacher keeping a log of her behavior and I sign off on it every week so that there is proof that I have seen it. My daughter has already thrown away notes sent home from her teacher and stolen money from a girl on the bus because I quit giving her money to get snacks at school. The teacher took the money from her and contacted me through a note. Since I didn't call her she called me and we agreed that is how it will be done from now on. I spoke with my attorney yesterday. And I have a visit coming up the end of this month. The last visit my mother took my daughter to the er at 11pm on Friday night for what she decided was acid reflux. Yeah to the er for some burping and gas. While at the er she changed all of my daughters contact info to her address and phone number. And she NEVER called me to let me know that she was at the er, which is in the court orders. So this time around I have a dr's appointment scheduled the day of the visit and a dentist appoint for the day before and I am buying my daughter a purse that will have my phone number in permanent marker on the bottom. (her excuse for not calling was she didn't have our number, even though my lawyer and her lawyer gave it to her and it was on the court orders which she signed) And I have alerted all the surrounding hospitals of the problem and that I am to be contacted ANYTIME my daughter comes there. So we will see what happens this next visit. If some more backwards sneaky crap goes on I will be taking her back to court and I have decided that if after ALL the evidence I have the judge still allows visitation I am going to ask the courts for the paprework to sign that will make my daughter a ward of the state. If I have to sacrifice my daughter who wants to live with her anyway to save my other two and the courts won't help me I guess I will have to.

Your doctor can give you a referral for a good private counselor, make sure he knows the whole story of her behavior.

OKAY! Thought I would give an update and ask another question. I was told if it is pretty closely related to keep in this thread. And you were all so helpful.

My mother has taken it upon herself to inform my daughter that she can go live with her biological father. So now she cries every night for her "real" daddy. Doesn't call my fiancé daddy anymore and tells me regularly that she wants to go live with him and doesn't want to live with me anymore.

I have tried it all. The counselor says to let her go if she wants to go. Even the counselor says she doesn't seem to have any emotional problems but rather seems to be suffering from the traditional "spoiled-brat" syndrome. He says she basically has everyone figured out and believes she can manipulate all of us into getting what she wants. She has even told the counselor that she will runaway from home every night when she gets older. He told her that will just get her sent to juvenile and she says to him "my meme said that juvenile is to crowded to take runaways anymore so I wouldn't stay very long, and mommy will get sick of it and get rid of me sometime" I have it on tape. I get to listen to that anytime I want. The only reason she doesn't want to live with me is "because I don't want to follow rules, meme doesn't have any rules. I even get to jump on the bed and eat in my room at her house". So my daughter hates me because I make her follow rules. Go figure. I'm such a BAD parent for having rules. :rolleyes:

So, my question is this... how do I go about transferring custody over to daddy?

Any help or advice would be great. I have researched it on the internet but only find things like visitation and things related to the mother having custody and support payments, etc..

Thanks again in advance! ~
Champ

When she says that juvie is too over crowded the reply should be that then child protective services can take her off her parents and place her in a foster home or an institution for kids who have nowhere to go. I agree she has learned how to push everybody's buttons and you all need to get together and agree to all have to agree on things rather than let her get away with the old If mommy says I can't go to the movies I will ask daddy.

Well, I totally agree with you. But I think I should specify. If she goes to her daddy's I won't visit. She will live with him for a full school year and the summer. The last day of July she will have to make a decision... live with me and follow my rules and visist with "meme" and "real daddy" or live with "real daddy" and not see me. I know that is harsh, but I'm tired of playing her games and I have 2 other children to worry about.

If she is big enough to play mind games with grown-ups then she is big enough for a nice healthy dose of real life. Maybe that is too harsh. But I'm telling you, I am close to calling the cops on her now on a regular basis. I know it sounds like an easy way for me, but I think it's high time real daddy steps up and starts dealing with some of the problem. He has been taking all of the glory and none of the pain for 8 years.

What do you think?

PS I called about boot camp/military schools they don't take kids unless they are 16 and kicked out of or dropped out of school and they are EXPENSIVE! More than a 4 year college degree!!

I would say it might be best to send her to dads IF he is going to be tough on her to where she wants to be back with you. If she thinks she is going there to have it easy and no rules she does need a good dose of reality.


I think if you go through the daytime shows you don't have to pay but I am not sure on that.

I would say it might be best to send her to dads IF he is going to be tough on her to where she wants to be back with you. If she thinks she is going there to have it easy and no rules she does need a good dose of reality.


I think if you go through the daytime shows you don't have to pay but I am not sure on that.


He is just as tough as I am, his wife is also. And they have a son. I think it would be good for her to see that rules aren't just in MY house.

The daytime show thing... I don't prefer to put my business on national television. But thanks for the idea. It prob is free if you go that way.

Yeah but as a last resort when she turns 16 you might be desperate enough---hopefully not

yeah but as a last resort when she turns 16 you might be desperate enough---hopefully not


LOL very true Nohelp. Very true! Thank you!! I will post again to let everyone what happens if/and she goes.

Thank you a bunch!

Champ

If her living with her dad don't work or if you want to try something else, you can look into her doing some community service because in some areas they can make this happen and the youngest, for some children is 6. Also, they have many scare straight programs, again in some ares, for kids. I went to one in the 4th grade and it was scary and some where I never wished to go.

Wow liz28! Thanks. I never heard of those I will def. look into them!! THANK YOU!

I heard of the scared straight things but I forgot about them because they don't seem very publicized.
scared straight programs - Google Search (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=scared+straight+programs+&btnG=Search)

You can look for an 800 # or type scared straight program and your state in the search engine

I think some time with Dad is a very good idea, why wait until she is 16?

Child counseling & therapy?

All right. Well I found out that my little county doesn't have scared straight programs. And the closest big city I called said that 8 years old was "a little young doncha think". So whatever. Obviously they want to wait until she has been to juvenile a few times.

Also, my lawyer is now giving me the runaround because he has become big time and has murders and crap on his plate and seems to not have time for my little problems. But he still wants my money. Hmm go figure.

Looks like I have to find a new lawyer too!!

Talk to DAD!!

I still have to go through the courts talaniman. Dad and I have talked. He is okay with anything I decide. But he pays support and I am not going to continue to take his money if he has her. So I still have to go to court to transfer physical custody and stop his payments.

I have a seven year old, and if she was acting the way you describe, I'm not sure I'd be able to control my temper. I don't have any valuable advice, but I know that my daughter is still my baby. I can only imagine how much your heart has to be hurting. You shouldn't have to go through all of this crap till she is a teenager. For your sake, I hope mom kicks the bucket soon... OK I know that's a little harsh... forgive me! But you deserve to have your baby back.

I didn't read much of anything prior to what was written today, so forgive me if this has been discussed already. Raising children is a very important responsibility. I'm not going to be harsh, but I am going to be real with you. Stop making excuses for why your daughter behaves the way she does. Communicate with her and let her know it stops now. YOU ARE THE PARENT. I see much of what you are doing as wrong. First and foremost, no you can't punish the rest of the children when you have to punish her, but taking away meal time and changing what she is allowed to eat is not at all fair. This type of rationale is most likely carried over into other areas in your dealings with her and she is growing resentful. Treat her with respect. Have boundaries, be firm, stick with the rules and be persistent. I am not saying that your daughter may not be challenging you, I'm sure she is. You are the adult. My child would come home from visits with big ideas and stories it's our duty as parents to handle it very carefully but not to feed in to it. You know what it's about so don't give in to it. One question for you though? Do the other kids visit grandma too? Why is she the only one that comes home with problems?

I didn't read much of anything prior to what was written today, so forgive me if this has been discussed already. Raising children is a very important responsibility. I'm not going to be harsh, but I am going to be real with you. Stop making excuses for why your daughter behaves the way she does. Communicate with her and let her know it stops now. YOU ARE THE PARENT. I see much of what you are doing as wrong. First and foremost, no you can't punish the rest of the children when you have to punish her, but taking away meal time and changing what she is allowed to eat is not at all fair. This type of rationale is most likely carried over into other areas in your dealings with her and she is growing resentful. Treat her with respect. Have boundaries, be firm, stick with the rules and be persistent. I am not saying that your daughter may not be challenging you, I'm sure she is. You are the adult. My child would come home from visits with big ideas and stories it's our duty as parents to handle it very carefully but not to feed in to it. You know what it's about so don't give in to it. One question for you though? Do the other kids visit grandma too? Why is she the only one that comes home with problems?


Okay. First off. I don't make excuses, I am being honest. She knows I am the parent and she knows what she is doing is wrong and she still does it. She sees a counselor and even the counselor says she is well aware of her actions and the consequences that will occur when she does what she does. She just simply doesn't care. She knows that I can't whoop her, she knows I can't scream at her, she knows I can't truly punish her. My mother has told her all of the things that consititute child abuse and told her to call 911 anytime it happens. Even YELLING at a child can be considered child abuse if the officer wants to enforce it. She has also been told all she has to do is tell them I am threatening her and they will arrest me. She tells me right to my face that she can do whatever she wants and nothing will happen to her.

I don't take away meal times. I feed my child 3 times a day. The only thing I do is if my fiancé and I had a dinner date planned and she got in trouble that day she will eat at home before we go and not eat out with us. Her brothers are 1 and 2. So it's not like they get steak dinners and she gets bread and water. I feed her very well. (I love to cook and I am not mean).

Her brothers do not visit with my mother because she didn't include them in her visitation battle. She has never seen either of my sons and I will go to my grave before I let her. One child messed up is enough. I won't let her screw the other two up.

My daughter just recently was caught with her hand over my littliest one's mouth and nose. I removed her hand, picked up the baby, and asked her calmly what she was doing. She stated, "I wanted to hear this show and he was crying and being annoying." I was shocked. I asked her is she realized that she could kill him doing that, and she responded by shrugging her shoulders and staring at the TV. I had to walk away.

I am telling you, me describing it on here does not even come close to doing the situation justice. It is horrible. My hands are tied and I am afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of waking up and my sons are dead.

As horrible as it sounds I feel like the parents in the horror flick "Chucky". Or pet Cemetery by Stephen King. She was my little doll baby growing up. She was so sweet and loved her mommy soooooo much. She would dance with me and sing with me and want me to hold her hand and would run to me and kiss me every time I got home. Now she just can't stand me. And won't even hug me.

I know it isn't her fault. I also know she prob doesn't totally comprehend what she is doing. But I can't fix it. The counselor told me that when he talks to her she is calm and collected and very easy going. But the things she says just blow him away for as young as she is. She is accurate in all of the legal info that she has and in all honesty is prob right about juvenile too. She knows her boundaries and doesn't mind to step over them whenever she wants. He used this analogy...

"I know it sounds radical, but she seems to have the same mindset as a person on deathrow. She knows what she has done and continues to do is wrong but doesn't mind suffering the consequences. She understands fully that she is to follow the rules set forth by her mother but refuses because she just simply "wants to". She is well-aware of the fact that the older she gets the worse the consequences could become legally and she responds to that as "I will be good when I get what I want." "

He doesn't think that counseling can necessarily "fix" her because she honestly doesn't believe anything is wrong with her and has been convinced that because she is a little kid she can do whatever she wants. She TRULY believes these things. So he says you can't fix someone that doesn't believe they are broken. And you can't convince them they are broken if they refuse to listen. Maybe if she remains in counseling throughout adolescence she will change, but he can't predict the future and who can really blame a child for taking full advantage of a situation where they know they can win.

And one more thing, I can't treat someone with respect that doesn't respect me. I tried the whole "friends" thing. She worked me over real good. I tried the "I'm the parent, you are the child" thing and she laughed in my face. I tried the "ultamatum" thing and she didn't care. I have fought for 5 years to get her away from that woman and get my little girl back. But I am one person against a whole army, of which most of them are judges, CPS, and officers. I can't fight anymore. My son's are suffering because of this and that's not fair.

I appreciate you being blunt and harsh. But I am telling you the God's honest truth when I say I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING!

I want her out of my house and away from my sons. My head and heart battle over that very phrase 24/7/365. My head screams get rid of her, and my heart screams No, she's my baby girl. But I can tell you this, my 2 year old is already starting to act just like her. And I will be damned if I have 3 of them in my house that act just like my satanic mother.

Can you really blame me at this point? I think I would try harder if I hadn't already fought this long. I have spent close to $20,000 JUST on lawyers. That doesn't include the bill for this counselor. I had to recently file bankruptcy just to get rid of my other bills so I could afford to pay the lawyers. I have almost lost everything trying to keep a child in my life that is trying everything to get out of it. It's like trying to save someone from drowning that is fighting you the whole way to shore. You either have to knock them out and force them to shore or risk going down with them. I can't knock her out and I won't go down with her. So my other option is to let her go and live with THAT freakin guilt for the rest of my life. And hope that looking at my 2 sons everyday will make it better.

I really do appreciate any comments though. Even if they seem "harsh". I am lost at this point. And I am backed into a corner. I never imagined having to do this when I was rocking her 8 years ago and singing to her beautiful sleeping face.

I'm amazed at some of what you have written. She's a child. I'm not oblivious to the fact that there are children out there that are WAY OFF, but a lot of what you are saying makes no sense. If your mother was that bad, she raised you, have you sought any help to correct how you were raised and your thought process to date? It can't be everyone else and never you? If you choose to get rid of your daughter as apposed to understanding her and getting her help, what will be your solution when your boys display the same behavior, get rid of them too and blame it on your mother? You have to get help yourself. Please. I'm not trying to judge you, it's a fact. If your mother was that bad some of her is in you. Correct this and understand that children want to be good. She's screaming for help and understanding. Give it to her. Figure it out and fix it. Please. Whether you say it out loud or say it through action you are blaming her for a lot and she most likely feels it. What has gone wrong? I can't believe the amount of control you are giving a 7 year old? Who says you can't spank her. She would get wore the "H" out in my house and I dare you to call the police, I love you and these are your consequences. No option. Parenting classes are in deed necessary. You get out what you put in. Be careful, save your children. PRAY!

Sorry I would have to agree with this poster, and would have to let her call whoever, after some well deserved disipline.

Since you refuse to send her to her dad, which is your best option, that should be done first, and deal with the rest later.

PLEASE NO MORE EXCUSES WHY YOU CAN'T. JUST DO IT.

I went through 7 years of counseling. And I have been to counseling with my daughter. I left home at 18 and never looked back. I recognized what was wrong early on in my childhood and I was away from home or in my room. I worked from age 11. I got out every chance I could. I never broke the rules in my house. I was always home before curfew. I never broke the law and I was afraid of my daddy.

I understand where you are coming from and I battled with the same issue. I have been trying to fix my daughter. I have spent hours and hours with her just one on one. She refuses to follow any rules and tells me that she can do what she does because she wants to. I have asked her what is wrong. I have asked her what I am doing wrong. If I don't spend enough time with her, if she is jealous of her brothers etc. She says "I just want to play and have fun all the time. I don't want to follow rules, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go to bed."

I can't spank her because CPS says if I do I will go to jail. My mother has called them on me about 4 times now. I can't threaten my child either because that is assault and considered child abuse. I HAVE RESEARCHED AND CALLED EVERY LAWYER IN THE PHONE BOOK! They all tell me the same thing. I CANNOT put my hands on my children. I CANNOT threaten my children. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING!!

I am not saying that it is all someone else and not at all me. I know I screwed up somewhere along the line. First off I allowed a relationship to be established to begin with. But I thought they would be different with her than me. I have 6 brothers and sisters. NONE OF THEM HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER NOW EITHER! (and for their own reasons, not because of my issues) She didn't get this crazy until I walked away completely. Then she lost my dad and now she is just nuts.

AND I have been praying for 3 years now.

AND I don't blame her. I blame the system. She knows I love her. She knows I am upset and why. She knows all of it. She doesn't blame me either. She says she isn't mad at me. She just wants to do what she wants and sdoesn't know why she shouldn't be able to. She doesn't want to follow any rules until she moves out. Then she only has to follow the laws. And if she decides to break them she will just have to go to jail and deal with it. I mean COME ON!!

I have been trying to fix it. I don't know what else to do. I have reached a point where it's me standing against a wall with my two sons in either arm and her between me and the law and my mother. I'm trying to hold on and they just keep trying to pull her away, the worst of it is that she is fighting me too instead of trying to hold onto me. At what point do you finally let go? Tell me that. Should I go broke and homeless and then lose all three just trying to keep one? That can't be the answer. It can't be.

I went through 7 years of counseling. And I have been to counseling with my daughter. I left home at 18 and never looked back. I recognized what was wrong early on in my childhood and I was away from home or in my room. I worked from age 11. I got out every chance I could. I never broke the rules in my house. I was always home before curfew. I never broke the law and I was afraid of my daddy.

I understand where you are coming from and I battled with the same issue. I have been trying to fix my daughter. I have spent hours and hours with her just one on one. She refuses to follow any rules and tells me that she can do what she does because she wants to. I have asked her what is wrong. I have asked her what I am doing wrong. If I don't spend enough time with her, if she is jealous of her brothers etc. She says "I just want to play and have fun all the time. I don't want to follow rules, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go to bed."

I can't spank her because CPS says if I do I will go to jail. My mother has called them on me about 4 times now. I can't threaten my child either because that is assault and considered child abuse. I HAVE RESEARCHED AND CALLED EVERY LAWYER IN THE PHONE BOOK!! They all tell me the same thing. I CANNOT put my hands on my children. I CANNOT threaten my children. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING!!!
I am not saying that it is all someone else and not at all me. I know I screwed up somewhere along the line. First off I allowed a relationship to be established to begin with. But I thought they would be different with her than me. I have 6 brothers and sisters. NONE OF THEM HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER NOW EITHER! (and for their own reasons, not because of my issues) She didn't get this crazy until I walked away completely. Then she lost my dad and now she is just nuts.

AND I have been praying for 3 years now.

AND I don't blame her. I blame the system. She knows I love her. She knows I am upset and why. She knows all of it. She doesn't blame me either. She says she isn't mad at me. She just wants to do what she wants and sdoesn't know why she shouldn't be able to. She doesn't want to follow any rules until she moves out. Then she only has to follow the laws. And if she decides to break them she will just have to go to jail and deal with it. I mean COME ON!!!!

I have been trying to fix it. I don't know what else to do. I have reached a point where it's me standing against a wall with my two sons in either arm and her between me and the law and my mother. I'm trying to hold on and they just keep trying to pull her away, the worst of it is that she is fighting me too instead of trying to hold onto me. At what point do you finally let go? Tell me that. Should I go broke and homeless and then lose all three just trying to keep one? That can't be the answer. It can't be.


What you should do is allow them to take your children and get the help that you need and then work your way to getting them back. Seriously!

I really wish that we could fast forward to when your other sons are older and we can see whether they display the same issues. What I am saying to you that you continue to over look is that you have to own this situation. I don't suggest they take them away as a punishment to you, but as a time out for you to get the help that you need so that you can be the Mom that I hear you wanting to be. The two year battle you had with your mother indicates there is a lot there that needs to be fixed. If your mom was crazy it wouldn't have been a battle... the courts would see that and only allow supervised visits or something. Point being... look within instead of pointing the finger at anyone else. She has only spent time with your mother, she lives with you. She's your daughter. Fix it.

Okay, wait a minute.

We all have our faults. ALL OF US! Does she deserve to have her kid's taken away because of it? NO!
Could there be some changes? YES. But come on! Have you read through all of the pages. This person can pin point when the trouble started. She is making steps to help her child.
Lighten up a little!

Now, I understand why you haven't sent her to live with dad, because of the money.
But - come on now, if you get the money - return it to him. Simple as that.

I have a 7 year old. There are days that I just want to throw my hands up and ask - "WHERE IS MY ANGEL?? - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER???"
She is testing me and pushing me more and more. She is moody and gets upset when things don't go her way. I have talked to a lot of mom's that have daughter's that age - believe it or not - we are all going through the same thing!

I don't know if you have gotten to the point of giving up, if not here are some simple suggestions. Not a fix or anything, but things that have worked with me and my diva.

* I try not to be "my way or no way" all the time. I am more careful about what battles I pick.
* SHe had decided she likes to cook (scary for me - seems to many dangers) so, she does, supervised of course! She plans what she wants to cook, she does most of the work and she is PROUD of herself when she is done. Most of what she has created is pretty tasty!
* I am learning to compromise more. She is a growing girl, with a growing mind and opinion. I am not suggesting you give in all the time - we don't. But what we do is LISTEN to what she is telling us. Decide if it is something we can live with and then discuss it. She has responded very well.
* We also have cut out buy things for her. She has grown to expect it (that braty syndrome) so, now any "extras" she has to save her own money (earned with chores) and get them herself.

Anyway, I know these are not a fix to your problem, but it may help in getting through a day.

Good Luck.

An update...

I spoke with her father on Friday. He is willing to have her come and live with him. I never REFUSED to let her live with him. I have been WAITING on him. He had to discuss it with his wife. He said okay. Now we have to get the legal paperwork out of the way.

After the decision was set in stone, I told my daughter. Her whole attitude changed. Now she says she doesn't want to leave. She loves me and wants to stay with me. But the decision is made.

And one more thing... I hope you are still on this board when my sons get older. So I can show you that I am not making excuses. When my daughter is at school or gone on visitations I don't have ANY problems out of my sons. I really hope I can prove to you in about 5 years that I am right when I say the only problems my daughter and I have is my mother and her emotional and mental influence on her.

Okay, wait a minute.

We all have our faults. ALL OF US!! Does she deserve to have her kid's taken away because of it? NO!!
Could there be some changes? YES. But come on! Have you read through all of the pages. This person can pin point when the trouble started. She is making steps to help her child.
Lighten up a little!

Now, I understand why you haven't sent her to live with dad, because of the money.
But - come on now, if you get the money - return it to him. Simple as that.

I have a 7 year old. There are days that I just want to throw my hands up and ask - "WHERE IS MY ANGEL?? - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER???"
She is testing me and pushing me more and more. She is moody and gets upset when things don't go her way. I have talked to alot of mom's that have daughter's that age - believe it or not - we are all going through the same thing!

I don't know if you have gotten to the point of giving up, if not here are some simple suggestions. Not a fix or anything, but things that have worked with me and my diva.

* I try not to be "my way or no way" all the time. I am more careful about what battles I pick.
* SHe had decided she likes to cook (scary for me - seems to many dangers) so, she does, supervised of course! She plans what she wants to cook, she does most of the work and she is PROUD of herself when she is done. Most of what she has created is pretty tasty!
* I am learning to compromise more. She is a growing girl, with a growing mind and opinion. I am not suggesting you give in all the time - we don't. But what we do is LISTEN to what she is telling us. Decide if it is something we can live with and then discuss it. She has responded very well.
* We also have cut out buy things for her. She has grown to expect it (that braty syndrome) so, now any "extras" she has to save her own money (earned with chores) and get them herself.

Anyways, I know these are not a fix to your problem, but it may help in getting through a day.

Good Luck.

Thank you for the positive response. I am the one living with this issue. I really appreciate all of the helpful tips. My daughter gets money for chores like you said and I take her once every other week to the store with me. Just her and I and she gets to pick out whatever she wants. I compromise by letting her decide what she want for breakfast lunch and soemtimes dinner like you said. She picks out her own chlothes and she gets to decide what extracurriclular activities she does. I also send money with her to her girls club and let her spend it on whatever she wants. I let her help with setting the table and doing dishes. My daughter likes to help clean like yours likes to help cook :)

She is NOT a bad kid. But she has this mindset now that if I tell her to do something she doesn't want to do she thinks she can tell me no and not do it and I can't make her. But I have told her father all of this. He agrees that by our daughter living with him that takes away my mothers power. Because she isn't his mom.

Thank you again. I wish you the best of luck. Enjoy every second with your child.

You know, my daughter does the same thing! If she hears something she doesn't like - then she tells us NO! We don't put up with it. I think my kid is going to be a fine lawyer one day! SHe will debate and argue over anything. We have had to really put some serious rules down.
But it is so frustrating. There are days that I feel like all I do is yell at her. I hate that. Because she IS a good kid too! SHe is loving and kind. But this new phase, it may drive me crazy.

The teenage years scare me!

You know, my daughter does the same thing! If she hears something she doesn't like - then she tells us NO! We don't put up with it. I think my kid is going to be a fine lawyer one day!! SHe will debate and argue over anything. We have had to really put some serious rules down.
But it is so frustrating. There are days that I feel like all I do is yell at her. I hate that. Because she IS a good kid too! SHe is loving and kind. But this new phase, it may drive me crazy.

The teenage years scare me!!

LOL! I really know where you are coming from. I feel so guilty about yelling at her, because she doesn't know what is going on all around her. All she knows is what she sees and hears and can relate to. She honestly thinks misbehaving and not following my rules is okay. I hate that I have to yell at her and punish her just like you said, but I know if I don't she will only get worse and walk all over me.

But she is going to go live with her biological dad. I think that will be really great. She hasn't really got to have a good relationship with him and she wants it REAL bad. Besides my mother won't have any power with him. She's my mom not his. And she will get to be around her cousins and aunts and uncles and other grandparents all the time now. I think it will be great. I know that she doesn't get all the attention she should get here with me. I work nights and she has to share her time with 2 other kids. She is really excited about it now. She told me she just wants to make sure she will get to see me and her "old" family (that's what she calls us now, since real daddy is "new" family :rolleyes: ) I have also decided to sit her down around 16 or 17 and talk to her woman to woman. If she wants to see any of the legal stuff involving my mother I will let her. I want her to know that I am doing this because I think she is going to be way more happy.

Thank you again for the positive suggestions and comments.

I probably won't post on this board again. I am tired of all the rude and demeaning people.
I know I am not a bad parent. I could be like a lot of mom's and quit my job, live on welfare, smoke pot, shoot heroine, and sleep with men for money to support my drug habit. But I Don't. I work for a living. I keep my house immaculate. I cook big meals every day. I have a loving and hard-working husband. So anyone that thinks I need to just give my kids up are the one's that need to go to the counselor. My kids have it tons better than millions of kids. And I am not going take a hit below the belt and start feeling crappy because one person thinks they are a save the freakin world social worker.


Have a good day Now What. And good luck with that "big kid". I hope yours brings you tons of joy and laughing until you both pee your pants!! :D

Sorry i would have to agree with this poster, and would have to let her call whoever, after some well deserved disipline.

Since you refuse to send her to her dad, which is your best option, that should be done first, and deal with the rest later.

PLEASE NO MORE EXCUSES WHY YOU CAN'T. JUST DO IT.
Never said I refused. I was waiting on him.
And I TOTALLY agree with discipline, spare the rod spoil the child, but I can't risk going to jail when I have a job and 2 other babies and a husband to think about.

Letting them take your kids is not a good idea as Msmewiththat said because they get caught up in the system and the children's services play games to make it impossible to get them back. You can't just say you want them to take your kids to get them help either because I tried to get something done with my son to be proactive and they said he is your kid he is your problem you have to work through it. But once they do decide to take them then it can be impossible to get them back. Also they can give you a time limit and terminate your rights if you don't have everything resolved within the time.
I think for now the best thing is dads.

I do truly agree, I just think some of this mickey mouse OP should take ownership of. Kids don't just decide at 7 that they want to be the biggest thorn in their parents side without some misdirection or lack of attention, love something. As the story continues to unfold, I regret stating that she should have the authorities take her children away. It wasn't a fair statement for me to make. However, I made it with the mindset that this woman isn't able or willing to fully acknowledge some things that are potentially going on. Perhaps isn't or hasn't paid full attention to what is causing all of this pain in the first place.
What is going on with her daughter?
Well let's see, we have a mother and a grandmother duking it out for years. Then we have new siblings in the mix, then we have a Dad that isn't totally around and custodial mom that works evenings and this 7 year old is left with step dad and brothers while mom is at work. The list does in fact go on... So when I stated that she herself needs a little help I meant it. Mom has to look inside the circle rather than casting her stones outside the circle. The other day the daughter didn't want to leave the house and today she writes that she is almost excited to leave and live with her "new" family. WHAT HAS Happened TO THIS LITTLE GIRL? What is so bad that she is willing to leave her home as she knows it. That is why I got upset. It's very sad in my opinion.

Often parents are in denial what is going on with their kids and let them get away with murder, but with my son and many other stories I have heard more kids are starting to have emotional and mental problems and it is nothing to do with parenting. My son was one of the first back years ago but it is all too common now. Back then people use to think I was a bad parent because of him but then why were my other three kids fine? By the time my son was around 9 I was watching day time shows about kids with ADHD and even upper middle class two parent families were having the same problem. The one couple had a really nice house in a subdivision and they said they were afraid to go to sleep at night and had to hide their kitchen knives because their aggressive 2 yr old daughter was grabbing knives and acting like she was actually killing her teddy bears.
There is something wrong with a lot of kids today and it isn't always the parents.

Mickey Mouse here. ( but since I am a female I think it would be Minnie Mouse :D) Just thought I would tell you that my daughter wants to leave my house and go live with her dad because she barely knows him and she thinks he will let her do whatever she wants. I told her that he will have rules too. But she still thinks it will be more "fun" with him. Besides, he has a really great mom and dad and brothers and sisters. I don't have any of that. Her father and I have already talked and if her behavior doesn't change after a few years with him he agreed to take her to a doctor and have her tested for any medical problems. She isn't dangerous per say but I do think she has some emotional issues.

I have NEVER said that my daughters problems aren't my fault too. But the reasons that she would have emotional instability from me is because she was an only child with no man or brothers or sisters to take my attention from her. She had my 100% attention everyday. When I got with my husband she just started school. So that elimintated time away from me and introduced someone new for mommy to pay attention to into her life. Then I got pregnant. Now 3 people to share me with... new boyfriend(husband), job, and new baby. Then I got pregnant again. 4 to share!! She went through some MAJOR changes very fast. Most of her problems stem from not being the center of attention anymore. I am almost positive that she does all the things she does to get attention, even if its bad attention. That's why she is back and forth about leaving. She wants to, but doesn't want to. (She's a girl for crying out loud!! ) you can't tell me that even as grown women you don't change your mind 15 times about a lot of things. And to top it all off in the middle of her adjusting to her new family we had to move to a bigger house and away from her friends and I eliminated grandma out of the picture. The only other person that spoiled her horribly rotten. SO YES, it is a lot of my fault. But...

My daughter went 2 years without seeing my mother and had adjusted VERY well. No problems from her but the usual little fits that all kids give you. She was getting straight A's and loved her new brothers. But when the judge awarded my mother visitation is when everything changed. From the very first visit is when I noticed a different little girl. AND THAT IS WHY I BLAME MY MOTHER FOR THIS Result.

I had a really good thing going. My daughter had figured out that having a "full-time daddy" and 2 little brothers to play with all the time was actually pretty cool. To be honest she decided to call my husband daddy all on her own. She said she wanted to call him that because she wanted her mommy and daddy to live together. He agreed. We were a beautiful happy family. I worked nights then too by the way. So there you have it in a nutshell.

To the poster, from reading your posts you sound like a mother that cares. There's a lot of mothers that don't care and would have done nothing to help their child, where you've turned down many avenues. Your daughter is young now but when she gets older she will thank you. I thank you and praise you for not throwing in the towel. Keep doing what you doing and don't worry about your kids being taken away and that's was mean for the person who wrote that to even suggest that. You don't seem like a bad person but was only looking for another outlet on what to do with an unruly child, it's no harm. More people should do this. Just don't give up. I wish you well.

Mickey Mouse here. ( but since I am a female I think it would be Minnie Mouse :D) Just thought I would tell you that my daughter wants to leave my house and go live with her dad because she barely knows him and she thinks he will let her do whatever she wants. I told her that he will ahve rules too. But she still thinks it will be more "fun" with him. Besides, he has a really great mom and dad and brothers and sisters. I don't have any of that. Her father and I have already talked and if her behavior doesn't change after a few years with him he agreed to take her to a doctor and have her tested for any medical problems. She isn't dangerous per say but I do think she has some emotional issues.

I have NEVER said that my daughters problems aren't my fault too. But the reasons that she would have emotional instability from me is because she was an only child with no man or brothers or sisters to take my attention from her. She had my 100% attention everyday. When I got with my husband she just started school. So that elimintated time away from me and introduced someone new for mommy to pay attention to into her life. Then I got pregnant. Now 3 people to share me with... new boyfriend(husband), job, and new baby. Then I got pregnant again. 4 to share!!! She went through some MAJOR changes very fast. Most of her problems stem from not being the center of attention anymore. I am almost positive that she does all the things she does to get attention, even if its bad attention. That's why she is back and forth about leaving. She wants to, but doesn't want to. (She's a girl for crying out loud!!!) you can't tell me that even as grown women you don't change your mind 15 times about a lot of things. And to top it all off in the middle of her adjusting to her new family we had to move to a bigger house and away from her friends and I eliminated grandma out of the picture. The only other person that spoiled her horribly rotten. SO YES, it is a lot of my fault. But...

my daughter went 2 years without seeing my mother and had adjusted VERY well. No problems from her but the usual little fits that all kids give you. She was getting straight A's and loved her new brothers. But when the judge awarded my mother visitation is when everything changed. From the very first visit is when I noticed a different little girl. AND THAT IS WHY I BLAME MY MOTHER FOR THIS END RESULT.

I had a really good thing going. My daughter had figured out that having a "full-time daddy" and 2 little brothers to play with all the time was actually pretty cool. To be honest she decided to call my husband daddy all on her own. She said she wanted to call him that because she wanted her mommy and daddy to live together. He agreed. We were a beautiful happy family. i worked nights then too by the way. So there you have it in a nutshell.


I see you really still don't get it. I don't think you should wait a couple of years. No time like the present. Passing her back and forth and having her around "these men she barely knows" isn't the greatest for a little girl. I'm not saying you're a bad person, just tighten things up for the sake of your little girl. You can't see any part of the forest between these trees?

I see you really still don't get it. I don't think you should wait a couple of years. No time like the present. Passing her back and forth and having her around "these men she barely knows" isn't the greatest for a little girl. I'm not saying your a bad person, just tighten things up for the sake of your little girl. You can't see any part of the forest between these trees?


Well, considering neither I nor her real father believe in medicating (tranquilizing) a child just so they will behave, I do not agree with you. Too many parents are turning to drugs right off the bat before trying to fix the problem without drugs. I don't want my girl to be dependent on meds for the rest of her life just because she thinks she has to be. I would rather her work through these issues with help from her father and I and know in the future that she can make it through anything without the use of mind altering drugs. But if you think that pilling a kid up and sitting them in front of the TV 8 hours a day, because they can't function to do hardly anything else, is okay then that is your easy way out. Not mine. But then again you think I should just get rid of my kids all together. So I don't think you have any good advice to give. Seems to me you are the type to take the easiest way out of your problem situations. I like to fight for the one's I love.

And I'm not sure where you get off saying I'm passing her back and forth. Or where you thought it necessary to use the plural version of "men"like she has had 20 or something. She has only had 2 men in her life. And that is all. She has lived with me from birth to now. I say she barely knows her father because she has only had minimal visits with him, but yes she knows him and his wife and their son and his mom and dad and his brother and his wife and their kids and her other cousins and other aunts and uncles... AND AT LEAST I KNOW WHO HER FATHER IS!! Lots of women don't even know which of the 6 they slept with are the father! So you can continue to try and make me feel like a bad parent all you want. But I know that I am a VERY GOOD, no EXCELLENT, MOTHER.

To the poster, from reading your posts you sound like a mother that cares. There's alot of mothers that don't care and would have done nothing to help their child, where you've turned down many avenues. Your daughter is young now but when she gets older she will thank you. I thank you and praise you for not throwing in the towel. Keep doing what you doing and don't worry about your kids being taken away and thats was mean for the person who wrote that to even suggest that. You don't seem like a bad person but was only looking for another outlet on what to do with an unruly child, it's no harm. More people should do this. Just don't give up. I wish you well.


Tolerance~
Thank you very much for your sincere post. I know she may go through phases of "hating" me and missing me and blaming me and curiousity. But I will sit her down when she is older and truthfully answer ALL of her questions. And she can determine from there what happens next. I will make sure she knows that I love her no matter what she decides in regards to me. I know that the decisions I have made and am making now are the best for the situation. I can't say that I won't regret some in the future but at the time the decisions were made I felt they were the best ones. And I have no doubt that my little girl is much better off than millions of other kids. And the poster that likes to be degrading is just wasting her breath trying to make me feel bad. Just the fact that I have been and still am a better parent to my kids (yes all of them) than my mother was to me makes me feel just fine. Lots of kids don't have anything near what my daughter has. And isn't loved on or fed or bathed or even has somewhere to sleep. SO she will be just fine.

Thank you again tolerance. I won't give up.

You very well may be an excellent mother, I just think and again it is my opinion, that there are a few things that you could do to help her out and starting with you that's my advise. I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MEDICATION ANYWHERE IN ANYTHING I WROTE SO WHERE DID IT COME FROM? Also two men is plural.

I see you really still don't get it. I don't think you should wait a couple of years. No time like the present. Passing her back and forth and having her around "these men she barely knows" isn't the greatest for a little girl. I'm not saying your a bad person, just tighten things up for the sake of your little girl. You can't see any part of the forest between these trees?

Which was in reference to the following statement by myself: " Her father and I have already talked and if her behavior doesn't change after a few years with him he agreed to take her to a doctor and have her tested for any medical problems."

Your attitude makes it seem as though you imply far more than the what you type. You put parenthesis around "men" so that implied to me you were thinking more than even 2.

And I'm not an idiot. I know anything more that one is plural. I also stated: "like she had 20 or something". Again it seemed to me that you were implying more than even 2. But like I said, having only 2 men in her life over 8 years is rare for a lot of kids. I know some of her little friends from school that their mommies have had like 5 different boyfriends in one school year. I think I am doing DARN FABULOUS compared to the majority of mom's.

I went through what you daughter is going through. Except, it wasn't my grandma telling me stuff it was my mother. My mom had minimal visits when I was young, but when she did, she made sure to tell me as much awful (untrue) stuff about my father as she could. I believed her and inturn hated my father. She would cry, and I would cry. It went on until I was old enough to realize the truth. I know how easy it is for someone to manipulate a child. Give this lady a break!! It's not always the mother!!

I went through what you daughter is going through. Except, it wasn't my grandma telling me stuff it was my mother. my mom had minimal visits when I was young, but when she did, she made sure to tell me as much awful (untrue) stuff about my father as she could. I believed her and inturn hated my father. She would cry, and I would cry. It went on until I was old enough to realize the truth. I know how easy it is for someone to manipulate a child. Give this lady a break!!! It's not always the mother!!!


Thank you for your reply. I am very sorry about what you went through. I can't imagine what mydaughter thinks sometimes. I am gald you found out the truth.

I was wondering... Did you make amends with your father after you figured it all out?

That is the only thing that I have a heavy heart about, that my daughter will think I am sending her away because I don't love her anymore. And that my mother will prey on that and convince her to hate me. But in reality I am sending her to her dad's BECAUSE I love her. I want her to be happy and to not have the back and forth she has with my mother and I. I don't talk about my mother to my daughter. I don't say mean things about her. I know that my mother doesn't have any power over my daughters real dad. And he has WAY more people avail to stand behind him against her. And way more people to love my little girl when she goes to stay with him. I just don't want her to think I don't love her anymore.

First I would say not to compare yourself to other women. Two at the age of 8 isn't the point. At what point did you start leaving her alone at night with your boyfriend/husband? IS it possible that your mother isn't as crazy as you say and she notices something in your daughter and is attempting to instill in her the ability to have boundaries and tell if someone is harming her?. and my concern is why wait years to see if her behavior improves or not? If her behavior reverts back to what it has been than I would say she could use some help now. When I say help I'm not referring to medication, I'm referring to additional counseling or some form of testing. If she's fine after she moves over to her fathers house, what is that going to tell you? If she has problems when she moves over there what is that going to tell you? What are you and her father prepared to do if it does get behind something that he is willing to handle? Send her back to you? Do you think that could cause additional problems in her behavior? Giving her the impression that she is a problem is what I believe is part of the problem. Why has she had limited contact with her father?

Actually, My dad is one of my best friends now. He never said anything bad about my mother. You are doing the right thing. Let her figure it out herself. My only concern about sending her to dad's is: Will her protect her? I think that the most important thing for you to do is keep telling her that you love her no matter what. Let her know that you are not giving up on her, and that your home is her home. If you let her know that she can always come home, she'll know you love her. I know that you want it to be for a few years, but she is young. She may figure it out a lot sooner. By keeping the doors open, she will know that you were never going to abandon her. Perhaps when she decides she wants to come home, reinforce the rules and tell her that it's on a trial basis. I don't know. I could be wrong. I'm not a professional. She must always know she's loved. Maybe she feels like she is not a part of any family. She may feel like the odd ball out. You and your husband have a new family, and so does her dad. Where does she fit. She was your first family... Maybe you need to help her find her place? She needs to know how important she is to the family.

First I would say not to compare yourself to other women.
Yeah, instead you tell me I should get rid of ALL of my kids.



Two at the age of 8 isn't the point. At what point did you start leaving her alone at night with your boyfriend/husband?
My daughter didn't stay alone with my husband until about a year into our relationship. I got pregnant and was working part-time days for the first part of my pregnancy. Then I got laid off. I didn't go back to work until my baby was 2 months old.


IS it possible that your mother isn't as crazy as you say and she notices something in your daughter and is attempting to instill in her the ability to have boundaries and tell if someone is harming her?
Funny that you say that, because my mother has had 2 diff boyfriends just in the past 2 years that my dad has been dead. And they have stayed the night on the first night my daughter met them. But I guess that is okay right? She can interfere in my life but I don't need to know about the "strange" men she has around my daughter. And she also takes 9 diff meds every night before bed. 3 of which she isn't legally allowed to drive while on. But it's okay that she cares for my daughter, even if she doesn't wake up from her drug induced sleep when the house is on fire. But oh yeah, I am so totally sure she is just concerned about my daughters safety only when she is with me. Of course. :rolleyes:




...and my concern is why wait years to see if her behavior improves or not? If her behavior reverts back to what it has been than I would say she could use some help now. When I say help I'm not referring to medication, I'm referring to additional counseling or some form of testing.
She goes to a counselor now. And that will continue even after she moves in with her dad. But as far as drugging her because her issues are medical and not emotional, that is a last resort for us.


If she's fine after she moves over to her fathers house, what is that going to tell you?
That I made the right decision


If she has problems when she moves over there what is that going to tell you?
That we need to keep looking for a way to help her.


What are you and her father prepared to do if it does get behind something that he is willing to handle? Send her back to you? Do you think that could cause additional problems in her behavior?
We have agreed that sending her back to me will only happen in the event of his death. But I will continue to be an influence in her life while she is with him.


Giving her the impression that she is a problem is what I beleive is part of the problem.
No one has led her to believe that she is ANY of the problem. I told her that I am letting her go live with her dad because it's what she wants and I think it will be better for her to be surrounded by the rest of her family on a more regular basis instead of just once or twice a month. She wants to be around them more often also.


Why has she had limited contact with her father?

He owns his own business and due to our conflicting schedules has only got to visit once or twice a month. And sometimes only every other month.

Actually, My dad is one of my best friends now. He never said anything bad about my mother. You are doing the right thing. Let her figure it out herself. My only concern about sending her to dad's is: Will her protect her? I think that the most important thing for you to do is keep telling her that you love her no matter what. Let her know that you are not giving up on her, and that your home is her home. If you let her know that she can always come home, she'll know you love her. I know that you want it to be for a few years, but she is young. She may figure it out a lot sooner. By keeping the doors open, she will know that you were never going to abandon her. Perhaps when she decides she wants to come home, reinforce the rules and tell her that it's on a trial basis. I don't know. I could be wrong. I'm not a professional. She must always know she's loved. Maybe she feels like she is not a part of any family. She may feel like the odd ball out. you and your husband have a new family, and so does her dad. Where does she fit. She was your first family.... Maybe you need to help her find her place? She needs to know how important she is to the family.


WOW! That is exactly what I was thinking she was feeling! That is why I have decided to let her go to her dad's. Because she wants him to "accept" her. And by letting her move in he is "accepting" her. (And yes, he will protect her and fight for her just like I have) So that is why I thought it would be good for her to go to him. And then like you said, just make she knows that I will always love her.

Now, I won't let her go back and forth. Because at her age she will want to come home every time she doesn't get her way. And it costs a lot of money to change the paperwork. But I will tell her that she can come and visit anytime she wants, but that she has to go back to her dad's. I figure that way she knows she is always welcome here but know that there are still rules and she can't run from mom to dad every time she gets in trouble or doesn't get her way.

To the a21, stop entertaining other people. You keep doing what you and let you child keep seeing he counselor. Sometimes you have to ignore people. Okay! Sooner or later your child will change. Focus on the future instead of the past. Visualize your daughter changing and she will, oneday. Just stay strong and go enroll in a parent support group, your be surpise on the support your get and mothers that walked in your shoes.

I'll tell you what's not so funny and that is that you allow your daughter to be around those men in your mother's home, any possibility that any of them have over step there boundaries with this little girl while your mother was in this drug induced sleep? Is the man in your home... boyfriend, fiancée or husband, you have written all three..

You and I are going to have to agree to disagree. We obviously have very different parenting styles. You wrote for advise because you needed it. I don't have these types of problems and thought that maybe I could advise on what I saw as ways to correct some of the behavior. I simply have pointed out a few things that I have learned can be cause for behavioral issues in children. You have stated some different things that I have highlighted to be major red flags for me. That was what the comment meant about seeing the forest between the trees. I don't presume you to be an idiot or a bad parent. I do however think that there is some help that is needed and it shouldn't always be put off on your daughter. Don't forget that you have written some really wild stuff about her behavior. For example... "My daughter just recently was caught with her hand over my littliest one's mouth and nose. I removed her hand, picked up the baby, and asked her calmly what she was doing. She stated, "I wanted to hear this show and he was crying and being annoying." I was shocked. I asked her is she realized that she could kill him doing that, and she responded by shrugging her shoulders and staring at the tv. I had to walk away."

By you walking away and not dealing with it head on is giving her the most damaging impression. A. you can't handle it B. you don't really care. C. She wins. Whichever one she has decided fits in her mind who knows. The t.v. should have been turned off, she should have been sent to her room to think about what she had done. Take a minute to calm down yourself, once you have accomplished that, go into her room and have that talk. If it takes hours, that is your responsibility. That is how you let them know that you care and that they are important and not WORK.
When I say that her behavior can't be blamed on your mother that is what I am referring to: I'm not certain that all of that can stem from your mother telling her bad things about you or if it has to do with something your mother has done to her and you feel that she needs help to get past what your mother did. You mentioned you know this because your mother did some of the same stuff to you and you got out, but you never got help for it. I know that in life we repeat what we have learned and that is why I suggest that you get help. Not to be mean to you. I have already apologized for making a rude comment to you about having your children taken away. I'm trying to offer something to you, perhaps your not ready to see it. That is why I recommend counselin for you first. You have to be better before she can be better because you have to show her how. I wish you well. I am done posting. You should be done defending, excusing and rejecting, after all you asked.

I'll tell you what's not so funny and that is that you allow your daughter to be around those men in your mother's home, any possibility that any of them have over step there boundaries with this little girl while your mother was in this drug induced sleep? Is the man in your home... boyfriend, fiancee or husband, you have written all three...?

YOU REALLY THINK I ALLOW IT!! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!! THE COURTS DON'T CARE!! I TRIED TO HAVE IT STOPPED, TO HAVE SUPERVISED VISITS! THEY SAID NO!
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOES ON WHEN SHE IS THERE! MY LAWYER TOLD ME I CAN'T EVEN QUESTION HER ABOUT THE VISITS BECAUSE IT IS CONSIDERED INTEROGGATION!! AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO IT!! But I have been. And so far she has told me that they don't do anything to her.

He is my husband now. But when I was talking about when I left her alone with him we were dating then engaged. But yes husband now.

You and I are going to have to agree to disagree. We obviously have very different parenting styles. You wrote for advise because you needed it. I don't have these types of problems and thought that maybe I could advise on what I saw as ways to correct some of the behavior. I simply have pointed out a few things that I have learned can be cause for behavioral issues in children. you have stated some different things that I have highlighted to be major red flags for me. That was what the comment meant about seeing the forest between the trees. I don't presume you to be an idiot or a bad parent. I do however think that there is some help that is needed and it shouldn't always be put off on your daughter. Don't forget that you have written some really wild stuff about her behavior. for example... "My daughter just recently was caught with her hand over my littliest one's mouth and nose. I removed her hand, picked up the baby, and asked her calmly what she was doing. She stated, "I wanted to hear this show and he was crying and being annoying." I was shocked. I asked her is she realized that she could kill him doing that, and she responded by shrugging her shoulders and staring at the tv. I had to walk away."

By you walking away and not dealing with it head on is giving her the most damaging impression. A. you can't handle it B. you don't really care. C. She wins. Whichever one she has decided fits in her mind who knows. The t.v. should have been turned off, she should have been sent to her room to think about what she had done. Take a minute to calm down yourself, once you have accomplished that, go into her room and have that talk. If it takes hours, that is your responsibility. That is how you let them know that you care and that they are important and not WORK.
When I say that her behavior can't be blamed on your mother that is what I am referring to: I'm not certain that all of that can stem from your mother telling her bad things about you or if it has to do with something your mother has done to her and you feel that she needs help to get past what your mother did. You mentioned you know this because your mother did some of the same stuff to you and you got out, but you never got help for it. I know that in life we repeat what we have learned and that is why I suggest that you get help. Not to be mean to you. I have already apologized for making a rude comment to you about having your children taken away. I'm trying to offer something to you, perhaps your not ready to see it. That is why I recommend counselin for you first. You have to be better before she can be better because you have to show her how. I wish you well. I am done posting. You should be done defending, excusing and rejecting, after all you asked.


(Please see previous post also)

Okay, you got me on the pillow thing. Yes I should have said something. But you have to understand how many times I have been told repeatedly that I can't discipline my kids and theat yelling at them, etc is abuse. My mother has called them on me so many times that I am in the system. I don't want to yell at her or whatever at the wrong time and they are on the front porch. But No I shouldn't have avoided it.

I do appreciate your useful comments. But you have to admit that you have been particularly degrading to me from the 2nd or third post. One of which was deleted. You tell me I should act a certain way with my child but you are very negative and hurtful in your own statements to me. I think maybe you should review some of them and realize I became defensive because of the way you responded. The one that did it for me was the "your FLIPPIN nuts" and of course the one about letting them take all my kids. But maybe a bit more tactful would have been nice. But I do appreciate your posts. Some slaps in the face are a good balance to the one's that are supportive:p)

And thank you. Some of the things you said I thought about for several days now. And they actually helped me finalize a lot of the decisions I was in limbo about.

I am VERY stressed out about all of this. I have been snappy to you too. I just hate all of it. I shouldn't even have to be thinking about doing any of this. And it sucks and I I cry about it late at night and I get mad about it and I get stressed about it. But I still manage to be very happy and playful and lovey with my kids. I don't want them to be stressed out too. You are doing the right thing by posting how you feel and your opinion. Just because I don't agree doesn't mean you shouldn't say it.

Acampio21-We all have different parenting styles, and we all go through different conflicts in life.

I think your slowly making your way through your personal conflicts, and I can only encourage you to just stick with it.

Raising kids is an enormous challenge, and many fall short, and make mistakes. The trick is to never stop loving them, and stay with doing the best you can, as you may not have short term success, but in the long run, they will love, and appreciate your efforts of love... eventually.

Heck My kids are in their 30's, and just now understanding what we went through to keep them safe, happy, and healthy. My grandkids are giving them all they can handle, so keep the faith, and when your spoiling those grandkids, you'll know, all the hell was well worth it.

Just never quit on them, no matter if they are ungrateful azz brats at times.

Much Luck, you'll need it more than skills.

Said I wasn't going to post and I have to... What pillow thing? I thought it was her hand over his mouth?

acampio21-We all have different parenting styles, and we all go thru different conflicts in life.

I think your slowly making your way thru your personal conflicts, and I can only encourage you to just stick with it.

Raising kids is an enormous challenge, and many fall short, and make mistakes. The trick is to never stop loving them, and stay with doing the best you can, as you may not have short term success, but in the long run, they will love, and appreciate your efforts of love ...............eventually.

Heck My kids are in their 30's, and just now understanding what we went thru to keep them safe, happy, and healthy. My grandkids are giving them all they can handle, so keep the faith, and when your spoiling those grandkids, you'll know, all the hell was well worth it.

Just never quit on them, no matter if they are ungrateful azz brats at times.

Much Luck, you'll need it more than skills.

THANK YOU!! And I can guarantee you I will NEVER stop loving them. NO MATTER WHAT. :D I pray every night that she will grow up and understand that I tried my best. Even if I made mistakes. And that I always loved her even if I screwed up all along the way. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I only hope that all of this will make her a much better person than I could have ever thought of being. Thanks again.

said I wasn't gonna post and I have to... What pillow thing? I thought it was her hand over his mouth?

I meant hand thing. I was iming with someone else about what we were talking about and they were telling me about a news story about a down syndrome boy left with his little sister and he put a pillow over her face to make her "go to sleep". ( the mother went to jail and the boy was sent to foster care.) Sorry. Too many things at once. :(

achampio21, I think that you are making the best decision by sending your daughter to her father's house. She may be better out there. She may have some resentment towards her real father that she has been taking out on you. I hated my mom when I was 8 because she got remarried and my dad was dead. We never got along until I turned 19 and had a child of my own. Now that I look back I can see how hard she tried and how hard I pushed her away because I wanted to do what I wanted to do and not what she told me. You mother surely isn't helping the situation by brain washing her and telling her all the laws on child abuse. Parents have to discipline their children. I didn't find out about CPS until I was like 13 or 14 and as soon as I found out about it I threatened my mom with it any chance that I could to get my way. My mom couldn't send me to go live with my father because he was dead, but she sent me to my aunt's and my godmother's house. I did good with both of them and went back home after about 6 months because I thought that I was better and I could treat my mom better. Well, 1 month after me being back home I would start again. So, she needs to stay with her dad for awhile. Don't let her come back home because she misses you. I cried to my mom and told her that I would change for like 2 months until I convinced her to let me come back home and like I said one month and things were back the way they had been. Now I regret everything negative that I did to my mom. Don't listen to that other person who has been downing you on your parenting skills. Like you said, you are doing a lot better than SO many parents. Most parents don't care enough to do what you are doing. If you didn't care and didn't want help then you would have never posted anything. You daughter will be thankful one day that you cared enough about her to change her life. Keep doing what you need to do to help yourself and your family. Just don't let your mom around your boys!! She sounds like a nutjob. No offense. I am sorry that you have to deal with all of that. Parents are supposed to help their children not incourage their grandchildren to turn against their children. That is crazy and I will pray for you. Good luck with everything and you and your family will be in my prayers.

I just want to add one thing, I think I know why my mom is doing what she is doing.

When I was (ironically) 8 years old my mom and dad got into another of their fights. Only this time my dad told her he was leaving. But instead of running out on her and I (which he had done to 2 previous wives and 5 previous kids) he came back to my room and took me with him. We made it out to his truck with my mom hot on our heels. She was screaming that he couldn't take me, he put me in the truck and got in the drivers side. She opened my door and my dad looked at me and said "who do you want to go with, me or your mom?" I said " you daddy" and I shut the truck door in her face.

That night my dad called her from a pay phone to let me tell her I was okay and good-night. She told me this over the phone, but I have never forgotten it "I hope you are happy with your choice, I have a hole in my heart where I used to love you now, and I will hate you for the rest of my life." and she hung up. Needless to say the next day my dad decided to go back to her. And she treated me horrible ever since.

I think she is turning my daughter against me to get me back for that decision that I should never have had to make. The perfect revenge.

achampio21, I think that you are making the best decision by sending your daughter to her father's house. She may be better out there. She may have some resentment towards her real father that she has been taking out on you. I hated my mom when I was 8 b/c she got remarried and my dad was dead. We never got along until I turned 19 and had a child of my own. Now that I look back I can see how hard she tried and how hard I pushed her away b/c I wanted to do what I wanted to do and not what she told me. You mother surely isn't helping the situation by brain washing her and telling her all the laws on child abuse. Parents have to discipline their children. I didn't find out about CPS until I was like 13 or 14 and as soon as I found out about it I threatened my mom with it any chance that I could to get my way. My mom couldn't send me to go live with my father b/c he was dead, but she sent me to my aunt's and my godmother's house. I did good with both of them and went back home after about 6 months b/c I thought that I was better and I could treat my mom better. Well, 1 month after me being back home I would start again. So, she needs to stay with her dad for awhile. Don't let her come back home b/c she misses you. I cried to my mom and told her that I would change for like 2 months until I convinced her to let me come back home and like I said one month and things were back the way they had been. Now I regret everything negative that I did to my mom. Don't listen to that other person who has been downing you on your parenting skills. Like you said, you are doing a lot better than SO many parents. Most parents don't care enough to do what you are doing. If you didn't care and didn't want help then you would have never posted anything. You daughter will be thankful one day that you cared enough about her to change her life. Keep doing what you need to do to help yourself and your family. Just don't let your mom around your boys!!! She sounds like a nutjob. No offense. I am sorry that you have to deal with all of that. Parents are suposed to help their children not incourage their grandchildren to turn against their children. That is crazy and I will pray for you. Good luck with everything and you and your family will be in my prayers.

Thank you. I feel in my own heart that this is the very best option for my daughter. And I know she will resent me for a awhile but I think when she too gets old enough she will understand.

I am sorry for all the heartache you too went through. I hope all is well and loving with you and your mother now.

Thanks again

Thank you. I feel in my own heart that this is the very best option for my daughter. And I know she will resent me for a awhile but I think when she too gets old enough she will understand.

I am sorry for all the heartache you too went through. I hope all is well and loving with you and your mother now.

Thanks again


Everything with my mother and I are great now, she lives in Texas and I am in Alabama, but we get along so much more now and I love her to death. Good luck with everything and your daughter will thank you one day, not resent you. I don't resent my mom for anything that she did while raising me. I thank her every time I get a chance because she actually cared about me that is why she did the things that she did, and your daughter will realize that one day!! Good luck and you and your family will remain in my prayers!

Talk to you're daughter about what is going on at you're mothers house. It's important to know what is happenning in you're child's life at such a young age. Make sure you are as calm as possible when talking about what goes on there. Catch you're child in a good mood. As for you're mother, well, I don't know what to say.

talk to you're daughter about what is going on at you're mothers house. It's important to know what is happenning in youre child's life at such a young age. make sure you are as calm as possible when talking about what goes on there. Catch you're child in a good mood. As for you're mother, well, i dont know what to say.


I haven't revisited this on here yet, but I have sat my daughter down and discussed it with her. She said that my mothers boyfriends have never touched her in a "bad" way. They have only tickled her. I made sure that it was only in the "usual" areas that someone would tickle her. I also confirmed that the men haven't seen her naked and NEVER go in the bathroom or bedroom when she is there. She told me that her little cousin ( a girl) does take baths with her when she is there but nothing happens. They just get yelled at for splashing water everywhere.

And as far as my mother is concerned, I am no longer worried about it. Over this past weekend I got some much needed time with my honey and he let me get everything off my chest. I have been really depressed throughout the whole legal battle and had given birth to 2 more babies during the legal stuff. I haven't been able to have any kind of relax time. So I have been letting it all build. Well, I am going to enroll in counseling and some kick-boxing classes. I think the couselor will help me with my past and present issues and the kick-boxing will allow me the much needed stress outlet! (besides I can fantasize that my mother is the target lol sorry that's probably not funny) Anyway, I really appreciate everyone's help and advice. I think it will all turn out to be awesome for all.

I will post updates as they happen!!

Thanks again!!

Just wanted to give small update...

The paperwork has been completed and filed. Just waiting on courts to give thumbs up and send us our copies. She will soon be moving in with her biological father and she is quite exicted now. She said she is scared of not living with me and the change. But that she can't wait to see her real dad and her other brother and all of her other family. She said she will miss me and seeing me everyday but that she really does want to go there. She is just scared. I told her it will be okay and that she will be scared and nervous and sad at first, but that she will get used to it just like she gets used to school every year. She is ready and I am okay with all of it. Though I too will have to get over not seeing her every morning and being with her all day and not seeing her at the dinner table on the nights I am off and we all eat together.

Thank you all I will continue to update.

Just wanted to give small update...

The paperwork has been completed and filed. Just waiting on courts to give thumbs up and send us our copies. She will soon be moving in with her biological father and she is quite exicted now. She said she is scared of not living with me and the change. But that she can't wait to see her real dad and her other brother and all of her other family. She said she will miss me and seeing me everyday but that she really does want to go there. She is just scared. I told her it will be okay and that she will be scared and nervous and sad at first, but that she will get used to it just like she gets used to school every year. She is ready and I am okay with all of it. Though I too will ahve to get over not seeing her every morning and being with her all day and not seeing her at the dinner table on the nights I am off and we all eat together.

Thank you all I will continue to update.

Congratulations. I will continue to pray for you and your daughter. I know that it is going to be hard for both of you, but it sounds like a great decision. I hope everything works out well. Maybe your daughter will realize that there are rules everywhere and you were just thinking about what is best for her. Let us know what happens. What does your mom think about all of this?

Congratulations. I will continue to pray for you and your daughter. I know that it is going to be hard for both of you, but it sounds like a great decision. I hope everything works out well. Maybe your daughter will realize that there are rules everywhere and you were just thinking about what is best for her. Let us know what happens. What does your mom think about all of this?


Thank you! I am positive it will work out.

I have no idea what my mother thinks, and honestly don't care. :o

Thank you again. I will update again soon.

Small Update!

My daughter went to live with her father in August. 2 weeks after she was settled in I get a phone call from her wanting to come home because daddy told her no. I told her that she was made aware of the rules going into it and that she was not going to go back and forth. She cried and said she was sorry and that she wants to come home and that I was right. But I held firm. She is staying with her dad. Sometimes tough love is best I guess. She learned a valuable lesson the hard way. I hung up and cried like a baby. But I know if I was to give in she would "win" and not learn anything. But she is doing very well in school and dad reports her behavior to be back and forth similar to how it was with me.

Thank you everyone for help and advice (be it good or bad) For now I feel content in the choice. She is doing okay and learned her lesson, I miss her but I can see her whenever I want. Since my daughter moved out we have documented proof of my mother calling my house 12 times. (I KNEW IT WAS ABOUT ME AND NOT MY LITTLE GIRL!! ) Dad reports that my mother has called him at least every other day asking questions about me. And my daughter says she asks her all the time when she is going to see me again and if I have called.

Want to know the BEST part...

My daughter says to me just recently...
"Mommy, MeMe(my mother) doesn't say bad stuff about you anymore. She just asks me a bunch of questions about you everytime I see her. I like going over there better now. She just bought some chickens!!!"

I was sooooooooooo happy to hear that! Now my daughter doesn't have to feel guilty about going there or guilty about talking to me and my mother isn't being hateful anymore!! Maybe my little girls life will be somewhat normal now!!

Thanks again everyone!

That's good to hear and in the long run it was best for your daughter and that's what count.

That's good to hear and in the long run it was best for your daughter and that's what count.

Thank you!

And I LOVE your signatures!!

Thank you! Hope you come back with another good report and hope your daughter continues to improves. I find it so owe how kids listens to their father sometimes more than the mother. It's good she has a good dad. Me and my daughter talk about her living with him if she should ever get out of control. My daughter listens to me and sometimes she tries to back talk but she never does it with her father.

I know what you mean. My other two babies ALWAYS listen to their dad but don't always listen to me. I think it is a testosterone thing! But either or it has turned for the best for my daughter. I miss her so much though. It has been hard going to bed knowing she isn't in her bed. And when the school bus goes by in the morning and afternoon I think about her being on it. But I know that just the fact that I mother doesn't say bad things about me to her anymore is all worth it. Besides she knows I love her and I know she loves me.

We have this little thing called the kissing hand. It came from a book. Ever heard of it the book is called (you guessed it) "The Kissing Hand". You should look it up and read it. It is a beautiful book.

Thanks again I will come back soon with more reports!!

I wish I had an answer for you. I'm having the same problem with my 7-yr old daughter. She was caught in the bathroom with a girlfriend and 2 boys placing fake tats in no no places and I grounded her BIG time. She has been doing 30 minutes straight of excercises each day and she has to do chores. She can't play on her lap top or DS and the xbox360 is off limits. She can only play with her sister in their room and read books. I finally let her and her little sister go out to play today and a neighbore brought them back saying she is outside slapping everyone! Even slapped an adult on the arm! She has been getting worse and worse at home and slightly better at school as far as her mouth and attitude. She has been mouthy for 3 yrs now. Says she hates me. I took her for counseling and they say she don't need meds that she is depressed. I'm at my wits end with her as well. She is spending all next summer in California with my mom and the rest of my family. They think she can do no wrong but I'm hoping they see her for what she really is and hope they can turn her around because clearly smacking her mouth when she raises her voice to me or talking her probs out or spanking her or grounding her from everything and exercises... none of it is working on her. I still wonder where the heck my little angel went! She used to be such a sweet child. Kids would flock to her! Even older ones and they would all follow her around and play with her and she was such a delight. Now I dread the weekends because she is home and I am always watching the clock because I am dreading the moment she walks in. I can ask her a question nicely and she gets snappy with me. I let it go once but when it happens again I get onto her.