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View Full Version : Proper conduct from the gospel of the Flying Spagetti Monster


NeedKarma
Apr 12, 2008, 04:28 AM
The Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”
I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.
I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the es.
I’d really rather you didn’t build multi million-dollar synagogues/churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
Ending poverty
Curing diseases
Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

jillianleab
Apr 12, 2008, 12:38 PM
All hail his noodly appendage...

:)

curlybenswife
Apr 12, 2008, 12:46 PM
Ah NK about bloody time too can I have extra balls please ;)

Izannah
Apr 12, 2008, 12:52 PM
Amen! Ummmm... I mean "al dente!"

jillianleab
Apr 12, 2008, 12:55 PM
Amen! ummmm....I mean "al dente!"

Actually, it's "rAmen" :)

J_9
Apr 12, 2008, 12:56 PM
Praise his noodly goodness!!

Izannah
Apr 12, 2008, 12:58 PM
Actually, it's "rAmen" :)

Oh wow! That's a good one! Love it! :p :p

Synnen
Apr 12, 2008, 01:15 PM
Huzzah!

J_9
Apr 12, 2008, 01:26 PM
Huzzah!

Bless you! :p

NeedKarma
Apr 12, 2008, 02:52 PM
Not sure how it became a poll but I like it!
The great FSM watches over you... but he's really busy.

curlybenswife
Apr 13, 2008, 05:19 AM
Ask ben NK ;)

NeedKarma
Apr 13, 2008, 05:37 AM
I figured he was the likely suspect. :)
Look at this religion thread - devoid of strife and divisiveness, it's a beautiful thing.

jillianleab
Apr 13, 2008, 07:35 AM
I figured he was the likely suspect. :)
Look at this religion thread - devoid of strife and divisiveness, it's a beautiful thing.

Ah, but we don't all agree when it comes to the poll - do I smell a fight looming?







Oh wait, I think that's meatballs...

Curlyben
Apr 13, 2008, 07:36 AM
Well If there isn't agreement I'm sure His Noodly Goodness will lead the way and prevail.

Fr_Chuck
Apr 13, 2008, 07:38 AM
I am concerned deeply, the religion does not appear to be all inclusive, with "meat" balls, it would seem to discriminate against those who do not eat meat.

NeedKarma
Apr 13, 2008, 07:41 AM
Those who do not eat meat are doomed to an eternity in HELL, they are living their lives WRONG.

Just kidding, taking a poke at other religions. The no-meat eaters can omit meatballs, it's that easy.

jillianleab
Apr 13, 2008, 07:51 AM
Apparently you people have never heard of tofu balls:

Tofu Balls :: theppk.com Vegan Recipe Database (http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=61)

Or meatless meatballs:

Cooks.com - Recipes - Meatless Meatball (http://www.cooks.com/rec/search/0,1-0,meatless_meatball,FF.html)

Sheesh people, you should know his noodly holiness welcomes all!

Izannah
Apr 13, 2008, 07:57 AM
Yea, though I walk through the valley of semolina, I shall not covet my neighbor's sauces... except the al fredo, that's good stuff.

talaniman
Apr 13, 2008, 08:02 AM
For now I will follow your lead, and sit queitly at your table, and wait to be served with your generosity. Don't skimp on the sauce.

NeedKarma
Apr 13, 2008, 08:06 AM
http://www.venganza.org/images/wallpapers/th_WWFSMD2.jpg

Izannah
Apr 13, 2008, 08:09 AM
OMFSM!! I need one of those to put on my car(bonara)!

curlybenswife
Apr 15, 2008, 03:24 PM
And how is the noodley goodness today?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/64/FSM_Logo.JPG/800px-FSM_Logo.JPG

Fr_Chuck
Apr 15, 2008, 03:33 PM
Apparently you people have never heard of tofu balls:

Tofu Balls :: theppk.com Vegan Recipe Database (http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=61)

Or meatless meatballs:

Cooks.com - Recipes - Meatless Meatball (http://www.cooks.com/rec/search/0,1-0,meatless_meatball,FF.html)

Sheesh people, you should know his noodly holiness welcomes all!

Now if anyone needs to be doomed to hell it is the people who came up with this

inthebox
Apr 15, 2008, 07:06 PM
Funny, I don't see the FSM on the back of cars?

michealb
Apr 16, 2008, 01:24 PM
Funny, I don't see the FSM on the back of cars?

As any religion will tell you that just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there.

jillianleab
Apr 16, 2008, 01:57 PM
Funny, I don't see the FSM on the back of cars?

You haven't been looking hard enough...

Flying Spaghetti Monster emblem and Pastafarian Emblems, Pins, Jewelry and books, FSM emblems vinyl cutout stickers fsm tshirts and more (http://evolvefish.com/fish/fsm.html)