I have been in denial about my financial situation. All I know is that I´m over my head and I need to talk to the bank manager before the end of this month, because I have huge credit card debts.

I cannot sleep and when I sleep, I dream of my credit cards. I have been paying one card off with another, and then another and now I´ve stopped. I got an appointment with a therapist and called a financial adviser who promised to fit me in around the 20th.

I´m so stressed I´ve started to eat at night, but I´m trying to eat healthy snack instead and I go to the gym.

I finally took my bank statement out in order to write down my debts: 1. Mortgage, 2. Bank loans 3. Credit card debts.

Now I need to find out ways to deal with the bank. I don´t know what to say to bank manager. How can I tell him I overspent like mad - knowing I had no business doing that? That I´m in treatment because of it? He´s never going to trust me. Is there any way of telling him in a different way?

One company I work with has cancelled one of my project and I just found out before this week-end. The problem is I cannot talk about this with my friends who are all considerably well off.

I recently met a man who is interested in me, but maybe more interested in showing off all his money. We had a date in town and he insisted we meet near this expensive car shop. He showed me a car he was about to buy - "just like this" he said and snapped his fingers. Next to the car shop was another shop where he had recently bought all his silver cutlery and china. I felt really bad about the date and excused me with a headache to go home early. I´m not sure I want to see him while I´m going through such a rough time financially plus I dislike this show of money.

Violet

I know you are in a bad spot and I hope you speak honestly with the bank manager and I also hope he is open and is not the type of person who judges then asks questions later.

You need to ask him about a low interest rate debt consolidation to get yourself out the mess.

As for the man you met, well, you probably did the right thing there. Gooed luck, Vi :)

Thanks Tickle :)

I have thought many times about putting everything on the table, but the bank manager is not the kind of person who would be non judgmental. He would probably refuse and I wouldn´t blame him, really.

There has got to be a different way of approaching him. I just have to find it.

Wrote down all my debts and feel relieved. They are not as high as I thought!
Denial is really the poison of the mind.

Violet

I should have said, and I know better, get it all down on paper first and then it will straighten you out seeing it that way. Good, I am glad your mind is more settled. That will give you more confidence to do what you have to do with that bank manager. Don't let him get the best of you, stand your ground.

I took a deep breath and wrote down my credit card debts. I didn´t have a clear figure in my head.

Again, not as insurmountable as I thought. Now I have some figures to work with. Next step: Writing down assets.

It´s so true, Tickle. Writing everything down brings you out of denial and you get a clear vision. I don´t know why I was so afraid to confront the figures.

Next step: Deciding how to deal with the bank manager.

I am still writing down every cent I spend and it´s been three weeks. I clearly spend far too much on food. I had no idea.

Thanks for being there for me.

Violet

The first step here is to document everything. You might want to get Quicken Or Microsoft Money and enter everything, then setup a budget. I know Quciken has a debt management piece that can help. Once you know what you owe, what you make and what you spend, you should be able to get things back under control.

Yes and get on a budget, cable TV, get rid of it, if you have to, how often do you eat out, carry lunch instead, You pay bills by priority and don't spend any money if you don't have it. Cut up the credit cards first and don't spend any more on them.

Also a date where you meet him by a expensive car shop, what part of this was a jerk from the start did you not see.
Also do you live in too expensive area, are you trying to live to the same level of friends if you can't

Thanks, guys.

I appreciated both your replies. I am working towards a budget and not touching my credit cards. I couldn´t even if I wanted to. They make me sick. Will be seeing a financial adviser I know of and who is well respected to help me figure out the best solution for the bank and budget.

I hate the credit cards, but I feel bad about cutting them up. Will reflect on it or ask the adviser and therapist. When things are good, I´ve been able to use those cards wisely and pay them monthly, no problem. It´s when I lost some of my business deals that things got wild.

I believe I´ve been muddled in my head for some time now and my judgement was blind when I met this guy. Same kind of symptom, really. Not wanting to see reality as it is and being so lonely.

I want to talk to him and confront him about this silly show of money, because I won´t be seeing him again.

My income is sporadic. Sometimes I make big sums of money, but I haven´t been able to control it wisely. This crisis is making me seek help on both financial and a psychological level.

The fear of looking at financial matter - I wonder what it is. Low self-esteem? Being childish? Temporary insanity? I don´t ever want to go there again.

Violet

Hello violet

Why should you feel bad about cutting up credit cards? I agree with Fr_Chuck and Scottgem Get on a budget. It maybe hard at first but you can do it. It would be better to budget now and cut out the things that aren't necessary and put that money towards your debt.

I will go on a budget. I still feel bad about cutting up my credit cards, because I have become dependent on them.

I sometimes go abroad because of work and I´ve been in a tough spot where I don´t see how I managed without using them. They have saved my life.

If there is another option, fine, but I need to see that option.

Violet

I took another deep breath and went to the bank on Monday. The week before I had calculated every cent I owe, earn and save. It´s wonderful to know exactly where you stand.

I spoke to my loan officer and put the cards on the table. I asked her what was the best thing to do. She told me to enlist for financial advisement at the bank when I know if I get the raise I asked for, with the goal in mind to settle my debts.

The bank´s adviser cannot book me until late in June and I have alls these bills to pay. The loan officer suggested to increase my overdraft until my appointment and pay the bills with that money. She said she needed to have it signed by her boss, so it´s not even sure I´ll get it.

I have been waiting for her answer for three days now and my nerves are going. I don´t know what to do if the bank manager refuses. This anguish is making me physically ill.