Please help? I am 30 and my hubby is 32 he is avoiding me like a plague. He says that he is tired and stressed out from work I do understand that but I'm still recovering from him having an affair last year he saw me go through such a painful experience why would he deprive me of sex or reject me when I initiate it what is wrong with me.

And what I really can't understand is that he is very horny when he is having an affair and that seems to be the pattern it's now a pattern because it happen three times in the 11 years that we are married. He doesn't want me to leave he says he loves me , then how can he have the heart to do this to me over and over. DOES HE HAVE A HEART?

Guys is this normal?:( :( :(

Sounds like his heart is with other women and you are the housekeeper.

Girl, the honeymoon has been over for a long time. Time to see life as it really is, and go for the most enjoyment you can have. You *don't* want your happiness to depend on what another person does or does not do.

Many men like to have variety in their sex partners... the sexual urge is very strong, it is a positive life force, and they find it difficult to limit sex to their wives.

Yep I agree with Choux ---whats good for the goose is good for the gander go do some gandering cause he probably still is himself!

That's not what I meant, Sapph!

I STILL agree with you just took it a step further :D
He cheated on her three times and shows her no interest.
I would have had the door permanently separating us by now!!

:d I can't get my emoticon right... it's :D

Thanks to all who had something to say but I take my vows very seriously regardless of what he does with his and I'm definitely not going to drag my name through the mud by doing what he does, I will walk out with my head high and then ride him for every cent he's got
(hit him where it hurts the most his money is his pride and joy even though I helped him build his business over the 11 years) Hahahahhahahah!!
It will be the saddest thing when I have to tell our three kids.:( :(

Thanks again you guys!

By the way what do I do in the mean time I'm damn HORNY any ideas?

Masturbation. :)

Masturbation is a very good release for people who are handicapped, seniors, mentally or emotionally handicapped, those who can't find a partner, and so on...

Tell him that since he must be reserving it for somebody else
You might just have to find someone yourself since he isn't interested.

I know, it's great hey I miss being touched and wanted by someone else

He ain't treating you right and giving little regard to how you feel
You got to come up with some catchy way to get him to respond and bring him out of his own little world of desires.

Good for you girl! No one deserves to be cheated on. My philosiphy is, if you can't commit to one person or you have sexual urges for other people, end the relationship/marriage before you go through with it. Its very selfish and cruel to put someone you supposedly "love" through it. If he loved you he wouldn't be doing it.. simple as that. BTW.. do you know for sure if he is doing it? There may be signs but you never know. Id at least confront him before I make any decisions. But if your sure then your doing the right thing. Sounds like you have had enough of his malarky along time ago.

Out of curiosity... have the two of you been to counseling at ALL about this?

His actions already have shown he doesn't care about your feelings, and he may be getting wanderlust again. He only cares about his own way of thinking and excuses aside he is setting up his next move. Either way back off him. He doesn't deserve your attention, nor should you push it. Get someone to talk to, to guide you, for now through the healing process, and if he would go with you, which I doubt, it could help a lot. If not, plan "B" may start looking better, and better.

No he says counseling is for crazy people but he did send me alone after the whole affair thing

HA! HE is the one that needs counseling, though it certainly wouldn't hurt you to keep going.

What does he think crazy IS, if compulsive cheating isn't crazy?

Walk out on the jerk. He isn't worth it.

You say he cheated three times...
That you KNOW of!
Whether he is seeing someone right now he is cheating you now because he is not being the husband you need and want.

Yeah, hitting him where it hurts is sweet revenge. You should have divorced this user/loser long ago, I think. What should really be making you angry, and maybe it is, is that he has used you for years!

You deserve the best. Be kind and honest, and say bye bye.

Oh, he has a heart all right. It's just that he is luxuriously supported by society in living the lie that women are servants. Withdraw your investment in that lie. If no woman put up with that crud, it would end.

Excellent advice! Thanks Simone I was just always afraid but the more he is hurting me the strong it is making me (if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger) right!!

excellent advice!! Thanks Simone i was just always afraid but the more he is hurting me the strong it is making me (if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger) right!!!

I agree! And if he is treating you that way, and cheated on you 3 times (that you know of) in 11 yrs, I'm sure your children have got a sense that something is wrong. They catch these things, and have the remarkable ability to somehow convince themselfves that they have done something wrong. If he cared about his children, he wouldn't be doing this to their mother! It's best to get out before it does anymore damage.

It's funny how he is the one that is cheating, and he sends YOU to counseling?! He sounds pretty full of himself. He should put his toys back in the playpen, and pull up his big boy pants!

Personally after three affairs I think it is time to call it what it is, abuse! You need to find a lawyer and file for divorce. Change the locks on the doors and put his stuff in the street. Then, when and if he comes crawling back tell him in no uncertain terms that the only way he will ever get back into the house is to go to counselling, get tested for STD's and then he just MIGHT get a chance to come back. BUT only after he has proved that he is willing to change

please help? i am 30 and my hubby is 32 he is avoiding me like a plague. He says that he is tired and stressed out from work i do understand that but i'm still recovering from him having an affair last year he saw me go through such a painful experience why would he deprive me of sex or reject me when i initiate it what is wrong with me.

and what i really can't understand is that he is very horny when he is having an affair and that seems to be the pattern it's now a pattern because it happen three times in the 11 years that we are married. He doesn't want me to leave he says he loves me , then how can he have the heart to do this to me over and over. DOES HE HAVE A HEART?

guys is this normal?:( :( :(The man doesn't have a heart... and no its not normal for us guys... its obvious he doesn't have ED.

Are you still sleeping in the same bed with your husband ? And what does he do or say when you initiate sex ? I work shifts myself and trust me I do not want anything that involves sex when I come home from work in the mornings let alone the temptation. Probably your husband does not enjoy sex with you anymore due to lack of variety. I agree he needs to tell you what has changed , why and what can you both do to revive your sex life.

are you still sleeping in the same bed with your husband ? and what does he do or say when you initiate sex ? i work shifts myself and trust me i do not want anything that involves sex when i come home from work in the mornings let alone the temptation. probably your husband does not enjoy sex with you anymore due to lack of variety. i agree he needs to tell you what has changed , why and what can you both do to revive your sex life.

Have you read through the posts. He doesn't treat her well or respect her! He's cheated 3times. Did she say anything about lack of variety? It's quite clearly a lack of respect.

Have you read through the posts. He doesn't treat her well or respect her! He's cheated 3times. Did she say anything about lack of variety? It's quite clearly a lack of respect

I do not mean to be rude or even hurt the lady's already broken heart but something does not click quite well here. The guy's cheated 3 times already and he's believed to be quite a horny lover to his cocubines. I think the wife has let him get away with a terrible crime and that's why the dude won't learn such basic values as self respect and respect for other people.

Have you read through the posts. He doesn't treat her well or respect her! He's cheated 3times. Did she say anything about lack of variety? It's quite clearly a lack of respect

i do not mean to be rude or even hurt the lady's already broken heart but something does not click quite well here. The guy's cheated 3 times already and he's believed to be quite a horny lover to his cocubines. I think the wife has let him get away with a terrible crime and thats why the dude wont learn such basic values as self respect and respect for other people.

True enough, and I didn't mean to come off rude either. The guy has gotten away with it before so he thinks that's his "ticket to ride"

My thoughts were that he has zapped all of her self esteem, and knocked her down so many notches, that she felt the need to even ask if this was normal behaviour.

Believe me, when you get into relationships where you are belittled and made to think that anything but total trust and respect is acceptable, you question all sorts of things. You question yourself, and the decisions you make. Before you know it you are "that" person who is putting up with the ridiculous and emotionally abusive behaviour that you had sworn you would never tolerate.

The web gets weaved very carefully, and before you know it, you are stuck in a web of confusion.

I don't think it's her job to teach him. But the lack of self confidence keeps her from leaving his sorry A$$

I don't think it's her job to teach him. But the lack of self confidence keeps her from leaving his sorry A$$

I think its her job to teach him at least 'some lesson' for how could anyone ever endure such bad treatment ? And for how long. I would not recommend revenge in the form of violence either because its only going to hurt her more , but she MUST at least do something to wake him up before he does his dirty stuff again. Trust me I'm trying very hard to think of something that would work out an amicable solution to save her marriage. Good luck my dear !

I don't think it's her job to teach him. But the lack of self confidence keeps her from leaving his sorry A$$

i think its her job to teach him at least 'some lesson' for how could anyone ever endure such bad treatment ? and for how long. I would not recommend revenge in the form of violence either because its only gonna hurt her more , but she MUST at least do something to wake him up before he does his dirty stuff again. Trust me i'm trying very hard to think of something that would work out an amicable solution to save her marriage. good luck my dear !

I'm sorry, but I don't think her marriage needs saving, although I know you mean well.

What she needs is to say NO to his behaviour, and I think she has gotten the strength to have a running start on that. Her kids don't need to grow up in an environment where their father treats their mother with such disrespect, and they think that's just the norm.

She just needs to get out of the relationship PERIOD. (in my opinion) It's apparent that after 11 yrs that he is repeating the same pattern, and it doesn't seem from what she has said here, that he is willing to change. He won't go to counselling, and he tells her she's the crazy one. Doesn't sound very change worthy behaviour to me?

Something I have heard many times myself... "The only thing worse than being in a bad/abusive relationship for 11 yrs, is to be in one for 11 yrs and 1 day!

I just hope that all the advice and shoulders she's gotten here will help her get her self esteem and dignity back, and she will move forward and finds a man that she can trust and will respect her.

I just hope that all the advice and shoulders she's gotten here will help her get her self esteem and dignity back, and she will move forward and finds a man that she can trust and will respect her

I hope so too. I don't have all the facts in hand but sounds like she has got to move on with her life. This type of thing can change a good person into a monster and when that happens it's the same guy who gets the other end of everything worth living for.

ins69 do you have any kids perhaps that's why you still stuck in there ?