I dated a girl on and off in high school for 4 years. She was my first love and I have to say being in love for the first time is quite scary (something precious and unpredicatable that can be lost). It's not that I lack self confidence but if you had a boring high school life and found paradise one day, you would be a little off your game. Paradice being a beautiful girl who does a ton of fun stuff (traveling, seeing new places, etc). My loser friends rarely did anything exciting. Anyway, we broke up over 20 times. Mostly she dumping me over being bored, wanted to see what else was out there, silly arguments, etc. But she kept coming back. When I was finally over her, there she was wanting me back. I felt (stupidly) that it was fate bringing her back to me. I knew we were young and she was too immature for something serious. I was nice to her but I never went over the top and bought her expensive things or called all the time. I just thought she would realize I was the one for her. I never called after she dumped me because if its over, its over and I never would lower myself to being just friends. She dumped me once for an ex boyfriend who got bored with her and dumped her and we ended up getting back together. She wasn't a very sexual experienced girl so its not like they slept together, they just kissed and touched and it was tolerable to let slide. She cheated twice. Kissing another guy is what is claimd to have happened both times, but I don't know any guy that would have settled for just that. I don't get crazy about her kissing someone else but it was the fact that she would want to that bothered me. We talked about it and got over it. Anyway, I ended going to college a hour away from her because we were broken up at the time and the "far away" college had a better reputation than her locale one. We ended up getting back together before I left for college and we dated until second semester of freshman year. Every Saturday I woke up, KNOWING she was cheating on me (intuition) and wishing for the relationship to be over (I loved her too much to let her go). We barely saw each other because she was "busy" with work and school. I bought her an engagement ring before her birthday hoping to marry her and transfer colleges. For some reason she calling me cheap over and over. I said I wouldn't give it to her if she kept insisting on it and she insisted I was cheap (when I wasn't). She continiously started fights over and over and then finally dumped me. Well she was seeing someone else at the time and wanted an excuse to dump me (just in case she wanted to get back with me). By the way, we had never slept together or gone on vacation which I wanted to do but she wasn't ready. Anyway summer came along and she said she missed me. Turns out the new boyfriend was playing hard ball and she wanted to make him jealous by seeing me. I refused to be her backup and stopped contact (she refused to stop seeing him). They ended up breaking up because he refused to visit her (so he dumped her). Every year in college she called back to get together and each time I broke down to see her. When I saw her, she rejected me. After one rejection, she even had the nerve to tell me her new boyfriend couldn't penetrate her, didn't want to sexual services from her much, took her virginity, and refused to take her on vacation. I will never forget that. EVER. Like I was supposed to give her advice! Anyway I move away for graduate school in Texas and she calls and says that her old boyfrend was a fag, they weren't together anymore, and that she really wanted to see me. The moron that I am said fine, lets see how this goes. I will show her how cool I am and not be interested. Well we hang out and it turns out she was lying about not being with her old boyfriend. She had gotten her family, friends, and co-workers to all lie to me about her relationship with her new boyfriend. Ahahahahah She even invited him to hang out and explained to him in front of me that I was too weak for her and that he was so much better than me. We didn't talk for six years. She hunts me down on myspace and says lets chat. I had a horrible experience in graduate school where my boss was cheating and fired me from his lab from producing accurate data. It happens all the time according to a faculty member I talked to because funding is so low that people do anything to get/maintain funding. Anyway, that's life. In my weakened condition, I agree to chat online with her, but refused to talk to her on the phone. She says she loves talking to me and that I look good in my photo. After talking for a while, I realize all the she has pulled and I end up growing a spine and writing her an email that I wanted nothing to do with her because she had treated me like , I didn't owe her , and she can go to her old boyfriends if she wants to talk to someone. She writes me back saying she was immature at the time, that she didn't realize how good I was, that I had let her have all the power, and that she might have accepted my ring and had my child. Well that totally blew my mind. I talked to her online and talked about not knowing where I wanted to move (possibly closer to her, for the beach and old friends) and wishing I had just given her the ring back then. Yet again she had gotten the power position and said she didn't mind me loving someone else and having kids with someone else and that I should want her to be happy as well even though her relationship status wasn't discussed and she has no kids. I still insisted I couldn't be her friend (imagining her pregnant with someone else's kid, no way). I actually get "panicky" when I talked to her online and had to get drunk to chat with her. Finally my question is this: What kind of girl hunts down (she finds my contact information online) a guy down after six years to be JUST friends with him? TEN years after we have broken up? Why would she say she would have accepted my ring when she was cheating with someone she would later dump me for? What kind of girl continually hints at something more and then backs off when you respond? Its obvious that she wants a crutch or a "back up" man which I would never settle for. How many girls here permanently left a guy for arguing back when you pick fights and crying when they get dumped? I am not an emo fag who cried all the time, just when I got dumped. If I had known that she was testing me, I would have acted differently. My ex girlfriend tends to dump her boyfriends and pick fights to see how they react and thus measuring POWER. The "fag" boyfriend didn't respond at all to either and she fell madly in love with him. I am going to be living near her soon for nursing school and I want to hear the cruel reality from others and not myself. Have any of you wondered if your ex would mature when they got older and want you again? It's a horrible idea but there it is. I realize it wasn't meant to be, but I just couldn't stand the thought that she has matured and that if I don't speak to her when she writes occasionally, I will miss my chance to have children and a relationship with her, but then again how could I act normal when she has done so much? We are both 28 with no children. I realize I have given her tons of chances. Flame away with some restraint. :)

Have you spent the last 10 years waiting for this girl?

No way ditch her she's a joke that one... thinks she's a little princess by the sound of things. Plenty more nicer fish in the sea go get a catch!

Thanks for your response. I haven't waited ten years for her. I have dated lots of other girls. I just haven't been in love with anyone else. I certainly aren't turning down dates for her. I wish I would find someone else. I have moved around a lot, worked at boring places, and focused too much on school. I went to graduate school and lets just say that the dating pool was horrendous. I am also picky. Usually when I find a girl that is my type, I find out later she is taken. Fpr example in my night class, I met a girl. Nice, smart, pretty smile and oh you a live in boyfriend. I am not perfect, but I just don't go for just anyone. The problem is the pretty, interesting, easy going chicks are in HIGH, HIGH demand. I plan on putting on more effort though. At 28, I feel my male clock ticking which is making the stress of hearing from my ex worse.

I bought her an engagement ring ...she calling me cheap

The way I see it, unless you got the ring along with some candy out of a dispensing machine, this girl isn't worth a second thought. She has no feelings for you at ALL.


What kind of girl hunts down (she finds my contact information online) a guy down after six years to be JUST friends with him? TEN years after we have broken up?

A) The psycho desperate type who have reached either the age or low point in their life where they realize they aren't getting any younger and are contemplating settling to avoid being alone.

B) The ones who need a crying towel.

In either case, not a good situation for you.


I will miss my chance to have children and a relationship with her

Adopt if necessary. You've had a relationship with her - mostly bad.


if you had a boring high school life and found paradise one day...Paradice being a beautiful girl who does a ton of fun stuff

I did. I still think about her every day and the fun stuff we did, but THEN I ALSO THINK about how miserable I was. Your post contains one sentence about paradise and a zillion others about how bad it was for you. The correct perspective is from the bad side, not the paradise side.

Learn how to have fun yourself. Fun guys attract hot women! A much better position for you than your current one.

Schleros- she didn't know I had bought her a ring. She was too "busy" on her birthday, meaning she was probably seeing the other guy. I wouldn't have bought if I had known she was cheating. Why would someone say some bs like she would have accepted it? She dumped me for the other guy. You don't marry second best. She would make a horrible friend. Friends have to make it clear there was no chance for things to work out under any circumstances.

I said [to myself] I wouldn't give it to her if she kept insisting on it

My mistake. Under what circumstances would YOU tell a girl SHE was cheap? None, only playfully? If so, she obviously doesn't share your values.


Why would someone say some bs like she would have accepted it?

It keeps you in her game and available. Focus on what she does/did and not what she says/said.

After reading your entire post, it seems you may be desperate, or a glutton for punishment. After all you have been through with her you actually want to add "baby mama drama" to the list? Your nuts. Oh men don't have those biological clocks. That ticking you hear is your ex, planting another surprise for you, just like in the good old days.

Talaniman. I understand your answer. Just to clarify. I am definitely NOT desperate I can get women. I just don't want to be with someone unless its feels right (no I am not looking for an evil woman). I might be a glutton for punishment though, fair criticism. But remember its not me hunting her down. I told her I didn't want to be friends recently. The problem is she is going to try again and I find it hard sometimes to say no to friendship, because I can't stay angry at her (after not hearing from her for months or years).

Maybe you should just marry her.

Maybe I'm telling on myself here, but is it possible your name says it all and that you're hung up on the IDEA only that you've worked too hard and invested too much to not end up happy with her? You've put her on so high a pedestal no else compares? Despite her lack of interest in you, no one else gives you that "wow" feeling?

Get over it. Look harder. A relationship you don't spend every waking moment analyzing but is just out of reach, is out there. Also, before you marry her, read Ash123's "Relationship/Mate Evaluation Guide".

I have worked hard on my career/schooling and kind of negligected dating. Hard work has nothing to do with deserving someone. They either like you or don't. She was my first love and some people don't get over them "entirely". That's probably my problem. She keeps contacting me is also a problem. Ahhaahh I don't think she would marry me or that I would propose. She likes the distant guys like I said in my original post. I am not a loser and she would have to spend years proving herself again. I am 99.9% sure its not going to happen. She probably has a boyfriend and I am pretty sure I won't agree to even meet her. My emotions go from angry, uncaring, sad through out the day. They are calming down since I talked to her. I will check out the guide.

Glad to see my post got you to put some things on the table...

Be patient. You are young. Don't worry... take your time.

"Miss Right" is out there... you sound like you may need a more balanced lifestyle. Learn to force yourself to play as well as work. It's hard to fight our natural personalities, but worth a try!