I'm not sure how to explain my problem, but here it goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months and just bought a house together about 7 months ago. When we first started dating like any other couple we would have sex often. Even as much as five days a week. But even though we were having sex that much he was watching porn as much as four times a week. I always brought this up to him and explained to him how it upset me he had to do it so often and that I wasn't enough for him. His computer it just full of porn and I even caught him looking up things like 'Jessica Alba naked' or 'Selma Hayek's tits' things like that. It really hurt because I don't really find myself to be that attractive to begin with. But anyway, in the past two months we have only had sex maybe ten times. Once a week. He quit looking at porn on his computer because he knew that I could find out. When I brought up the no sex and porn thing he said that he hasn't done it. But I know he bought some porn DVDs to watch on TV so wouldn't know. He keeps denying it but I know not only him, but any guy could not go without sex or masturbating that long. Then I asked him if he's still attracted to me, of course he said yes. I know again that he's lying. I hate the fact that I'm just old news to him and the only way for him to be turned on is to see other naked women. In fact, he's never been able to get just turned on by me. He's always had to watch porn and see other naked women. I don't know what else to do nothing I do makes him want me. He's never even done anything romantic with sex, like candles, passion, I hate it!

But anyway my question is what should I do or what can I do to not only feel better about myself because my boyfriend doesn't want me or make him want me?

I'm going to be completely honest. It sounds to me that you have insecurities with yourself... This makes you be much more paranoid with the surroundings. Look... now that he has no porn to watch, the sex you are having is no longer as active. He's not cheating on you! He just likes to watch porn, so what? It's natural. You should be thankful that he isn't physically doing anything with any other person... I would just let him watch the porn, if he really needs it, and hey! It's helping out your sex life. He is with you for a reason. You probably are very beautiful, you need to believe it yourself and not be so insecure. I hope this helps. :)

In these porno videos, is he searching for a certain fetish? If so, why not perform live for him?

You need to spark up the relationship again, get some sexy outfits and tease him. Lap dance, strip tease, sex games. There are so many things that are available.

Just because he's viewing porn, doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. All guys view porn, with and without girlfriends. Its just something that generally happens when the mood strikes and out of bordem.

Hope this helps,
Louis.

OK. When a woman doesn't find her self attractive or has her insecurities, the man can sense it. You need to feel better in yourself to make him want you more. He can honestly feel what goes on in your head, which might prevent him from initiating sex.

And, once again with this porn thing that women are so insecure about... so what if he looks at porn? SO WHAT!? Women always think that men look at porn because they like the way the women look, or because these women do things they want their woman to do. For some men, this is just not true. My husband watches porn once a day and jerks off... later in the day we may have sex, we may not. It doesn't make me feel less attractive or that he wants other women. Jerking off is easier and takes less energy and sometimes he's just not in the mood. Sometimes he does it for that reason, then he starts to get more energy and we have sex. Porn CAN be unhealthy for a relationship, it really can. But I don't think that your relationship is unhealthy in any way (other than your self-esteem issues). Sex once a week is a blessing for some people. I get it about 3 times a week. Sometimes more sometimes less. None of that has any bearing on whether my man watches porn or not.

If it does bother you though, that he watches porn, I think you went about it the wrong way. Don't tell him it makes you uncomfortable because you think he wants other women or he doesn't find you attractive, because that just makes you look insecure. Tell him you don't like it because it is hurting your sex life and taking up his time. And also, try doing some self-inprovement activities. Try going to a gym just to boost your ego and make you feel better. Maybe dress up nice once every weekend and have him take you out. My guess is he won't be able to take his eyes off you. Also, maybe dress up a little more for him, make him feel special... not just like it's any old day.

You might want to have some more girls nights out. Your girls can always make you feel better about yourself. I am not trying to be mean in my post... just being straight with you. You need to work on YOU before you work on US.

Not all men watch porn. A lot of guys do watch and use it and it's no big deal in their relationship. It's bothering you though. I once advised a friend to ignore it. She complained that her hubby visited strip clubs and then went home all ready for sex with her.

If it were me in your shoes, I'd shop for a different man, one who thinks that his woman is number one and turns himself into a pretzel finding out what makes her happy. A guy staring at a screen, for more that 30 minutes, whether it's porn or football is not making the best use of his time. (There's too much housework!)

Just my two cents.

I'm not sure how to explain my problem, but here it goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months and just bought a house together about 7 months ago. When we first started dating like any other couple we would have sex often. Even as much as five days a week. But even though we were having sex that much he was watching porn as much as four times a week. I always brought this up to him and explained to him how it upset me he had to do it so often and that I wasn't enough for him. His computer it just full of porn and I even caught him looking up things like 'Jessica Alba naked' or 'Selma Hayek's tits' things like that. It really hurt because I don't really find myself to be that attractive to begin with. But anyways, in the past two months we have only had sex maybe ten times. Once a week. He quit looking at porn on his computer because he knew that I could find out. When I brought up the no sex and porn thing he said that he hasn't done it. But I know he bought some porn DVDs to watch on TV so wouldn't know. He keeps denying it but I know not only him, but any guy could not go without sex or masturbating that long. Then I asked him if he's still attracted to me, of course he said yes. I know again that he's lieing. I hate the fact that I'm just old news to him and the only way for him to be turned on is to see other naked women. Infact, he's never been able to get just turned on by me. He's always had to watch porn and see other naked women. I don't know what else to do nothing I do makes him want me. He's never even done anything romantic with sex, like candles, passion, I hate it!

But anyways my question is what should I do or what can I do to not only feel better about my self because my boyfriend doesn't want me or make him want me?
Good God you can do so much better than hanging to this loser. There are other fish in the sea... dump him!

I can detect a bit of controlling behaviour as well as self esteme issues... No guy like someone demanding stuff and attempting to control them and their diversions. I'll lay odds he is so pissed about your obsession about him not watching porn its manifesting itself in his lack of desire to have sex. And yes if a guy is ticked off about something it will usually reflect his desire to have sex with the source of that anger. Even if he has chosen to not be vocal in his displeasure.


Issue #2 is your lack of self esteme. That is totally unrelated to the previous issue. Don't make the mistake thinking it is.

Most guys think Jessica Alba is hot... myself included even if I'm almost old enough to be her father. Selma Hayeks got a world class set of boobs. So what. Facts are facts. The guy chose to be with you because he saw something in you. Every woman isn't Jessica Alba, nor should they be. How boring it would be if everyone looked alike.

Perhaps its time to seek some counceling for the low self esteme. Perhaps that's driving your other behavior that I hate to say will destroy most relationships if left unchecked. The problem isn't him running out with the boys barhopping every night. He chose to stay with you. Keep that in mind. That speaks volumes.

Dump Him!! Dump Him!!

Being 'hot' is over rated.

Do you know what you can do to make yourself better? Love yourself. Love the skin that you're in.

There is nothing more sexier than a woman's confidence. No Jessica Alba can break that.

Tell me, when Selma Hayek is in her 90's and her boobs are saggin', do you think men will be lusting over her then? Life is too short to worry about such tideous things.

Enjoy life for what it is. If you don't like what he's doing then leave him.

Tell me, when Selma Hayek is in her 90's and her boobs are saggin', do you think men will be lusting over her then? Life is too short to worry about such tideous things.



A point I make to my wife who whishes she had bigguns too. Small and perky will defy the ravages of gravity far longer than a set of knockers.

I like big nice ones... but then I like small nice ones as well as medium sized nice ones. I happened to marry a woman with small nice ones.

What is small to you? :)

What is small to you? :) "A" cup is small, wife is a full "A" cup... "AA" or "AAA" is positively tiny.

At least she won't have to worry about sagging :)

Atleast she won't have to worry about sagging :)Nope and at 43 they are as perky as they ever were in her life. As in zero sagging. She is slim and short as well so porportionately they look good on her.

I don't see why so many obsess over big bosoms. It's a fad if anything. First was big butts, now boobs.

I myself find comfort in my B size. Not too big, not too small.

Hey Katie, is that avatar you?

Gosh. I wish mine were small. But I guess I was destined to have biguns because my moms were HUGE and so were my sisters. I am 22 and they sag more than some 50ish women's do. I guess that's the downfall of having Triple d's. Plus, the back pain is enough to make me scream for mercy. I just wish I could have B's. Actually when my mom got breast cancer and had to have her Triple E's removed... she got b's... she said it was just what she always wanted... to be able to see her feet!

gosh. i wish mine were small. but i guess i was destined to have biguns because my moms were HUGE and so were my sisters. I am 22 and they sag more than some 50ish women's do. I guess that's the downfall of having Triple d's. Plus, the back pain is enough to make me scream for mercy. I just wish i could have B's. Actually when my mom got breast cancer and had to have her Triple E's removed....she got b's...she said it was just what she always wanted...to be able to see her feet!Most (but not all) women with biguns wish they had small ones... and women with small ones wish they had big ones.


And just about every guy wishes at some point they were hung like John Holmes.

Not me :)

Oh, the cycle of life. Curly hair wants straight... straight wants curly. It goes on and on. I guess that's probably the only part of body I would have physically altered by surgery. I don't believe in casual plastic surgery... but that is the one thing I would have done is my boobs.

oh, the cycle of life. curly hair wants straight...straight wants curly. It goes on and on. I guess that's probably the only part of body i would have physically altered by surgery. I don't believe in casual plastic surgery....but that is the one thing i would have done is my boobs.
Yes... very few people would not gladly change something about themselves if they had the chance. Myself included...

Sorry to interrupt the body size comparison :), but on the posted subject... to get him interested, why don't you share some of the stories about how you get hit on.

BTW, I'm desperately in need of penis reduction surgery, but can't justify the expense.

Sorry to interrupt the body size comparison :), but on the posted subject...to get him interested, why don't you share some of the stories about how you get hit on.

BTW, I'm desperately in need of penis reduction surgery, but can't justify the expense.

Great idea Dandy!

Or how about telling him how much different celebrity guys turn you on.

Yeah, make HIM jealous for a change!

Please, let's stay on subject here :)

I know that it kind of IS, tangently, but let's make sure we're answering the OP's question first and foremost.

Katie,

Both you and your husband have deep hidden resentments... sex and sex talk is just a way to hurt each other now. :(

Time to go to a couple's therapist so you can get to the hidden material; you both may be able to recover a good life, who knows?

Half the battle in life is growing up and letting go. :)


Best wishes in 2008!

There nothing wrong with porn. I watch it with or without my boyfriend and most of the ones he have I brought. Guys always look at girls especially and tits or whatever they like. Hell some of the shows I watch have a guy with a body that I wish my boyfriend had.
Sometimes sex in a relation simmers but it get back 2 how it was before.
But don't blame yourself and look at your and love what you see.If that's the only problem be happy its not deeper. At least he respecting you enough 2 try to limited his porn watching much more you want and if it isn't enough will you b willing 2 leave him over it?

The man here has the problem, he has an addiction, as bad if not worst than drugs or drinking. What happens porn lowers his opinoin of women in general to more like a sex object and to be honest to even gets some unhealthy ideas of what sex is ( unless you are into some of the sex things they do of course)

And you are having sex a little more than once a week, guess what this is about normal for working people, who come home tired from work,
And if you have children count that number to fall to less since they will have to sleep with mommy and daddy, theywill be sick one of both will be tired from taking care of them, and so on.

My opinoin, no porn in home, unless you really enjoy to watch it with him, but that has to be your call, not forced into it.

Hey Katie, is that avatar you?


Yes, that avatar is me

Yes, that avatar is me
Oooooo a hottie. You have nothing to be self concience about. You look good in my eyes and I'll venture a guess most others here if that's you.

Wow, this question sounds just like my wife and I. I actually went online as the guy though in my case trying to find out why I wasn't attracted to my wife the way I was to porn. I would watch porn almost every day and fantasized about the girl. I wanted my wife to look like that, tease me like that, make dirty passionate unadulterated love to me like that. I felt my wife was fat, why at times, unattractive and sex was an absolute nightmare. We didn't even have a good sex life when we were dating, but I've always been the no sex before marriage type, so I was surprised to find that I didn't like it even after marriage. When she told me how my looking at porn made her feel, that only made me try to hide it even more, and made me feel more guilty when I did. After I'd jerk off I'd practically come to tears wishing I were into my wife as much as I was the porn. I hated it.

Don't get me wrong I love and have always loved my wife. She's my best friend, and we would take trips together and I've experienced a lot with her. I just wasn't attracted to her. I even called my mother and talked to her about it. She gave me the typical spiel that I was a jerk (yes she actually called me a jerk.) for behaving this way and that my wife was beautiful. This didn't help the situation any. I didn't want to leave her, I just wanted the sex part fixed.

Let me say that she did the same thing to me that you're doing to him. She complained about our sex life. Complained when I'd make comments about other girls on TV or in real life in front of her. Complained about me watching porn. What happened? I felt trapped. I couldn't talk to her if I thought I saw a sexy girl. I couldn't watch porn and at least attempt to fulfill my desires. If I did have sex with her, she'd drop subtile comments like, why don't you do that to me more? Or if I'd ask if we could have sex tomorrow because I was tired, she'd say, "Yeah right like you're going to want to then either". Our relationship was heading for the worse because of all this.

I felt EXTREMELY cut off from her and isolated, I felt I had destroyed her self esteem. But I knew what I needed. I needed her to turn me on. I needed her to be the one I was lusting over. I knew it was her I wanted to feel this way about, but whenever I talked to her and even begin telling her the problems, it would cripple her. I mentioned I wanted to lose weight and would like her to join me and she'd freak out. Even though we both knew we both wanted to shed some pounds, me saying this to her didn't help, it only hurt her.

My mother later said something to me that would turn our relationship in the right direction. She told me that as head of the household, I should start exercising and eating healthier and that she would follow me. You know what? It worked. She started losing weight fast, even more than me because she became more motivated. That didn't solve the problem though. At Christmas I bought her some new clothes. Just casual clubbing type clothes that were more trendy than what was in her closet before. She's since started doing her hair up nice, that's when I first really started becoming attracted to her, but the sex still sucked.

I went to digitalplayground.com and found a movie called Pirates and got her to watch it with me. I told her we'd have sex whenever they did. It totally turned her on. I got her to start telling me some of her hidden secret sex stories from guys past and that only turned me on even more for some weird reason that I can't even begin to explain. So we'd have sex while watching porn together. She'd talk dirty to me a little. Our sex like is taking off now. We both are working toward losing more weight and she's looking so sexy. More than that, she's flaunting it more now. Dressing nicer like the girls I'd point out. My wife recently went away for a week to another state. I was home alone and found myself not being fulfilled at all my porn. In fact, I didn't even look at it the last 3 days she was gone because it did nothing for me. I feel she has essentially begun to wein me off it and I'm very grateful for it. This is my point of view and my wife whom I've just read my response to has just told me that she only did this with me because she felt she had no other choice. Although I hate what happened to our relationship because of the porn in the past, not to mention my dishonesty, I'm delighted to see, that we've been able to turn this thing around, have more fun with each other in bed and I can honestly say that I've never loved anyone so much.

I'm really looking forward to getting off this stupid computer right now, working out with her and then we're going to go upstairs for some um... well... sleep?

Life seems to get better all around when two people work together to have a healthy relationship. Its so easy when we get to a lull, or glitch in the program, to blame whatever is handy, or whomever is handy. The couples that are working together to solve their problems to the benefit of both, are the ones that survive the glitches, and valleys we all go through, in life.


But anyway my question is what should I do or what can I do to not only feel better about myself because my boyfriend doesn't want me or make him want me?
Its not that he doesn't want you, he wants his porn more. What you do is love yourself enough, to be happy with who you are, and do what makes you a happy, healthy person, be it through work, friends, or hobbies. Why? So you will have the self esteem necessary to know he has a problem, he needs to deal with, without you taking it personally. That only makes for even more problems. Its not about you, its about him, and how he copes with what is becoming an unhealthy obsession. This may sound odd, but the best way to help him, is to leave him alone, and keep your own life balanced, and healthy, he will either realize what he is missing, and reach out, or sink in his own shat!

You have a much better chance of working together, if one of you is healthy enough to be objective, and willing to help, and not sink into further resentments. At this time he is holding resentments for whatever reason, and is not communicating them. Your resentments are manifesting themselves as insecurity, and lowered self esteem, that has you both unable to communicate, and work with your man. Get healthy yourself, just so you can see what the real problems are.

Oooooo a hottie. You have nothing to be self concience about. You look good in my eyes and I'll venture a guess most others here if thats you.


Yes, that it me I promise, and thank you. If you don't believe me you can look at my myspace MySpace.com - www.myspace.com/12015238 (http://www.myspace.com/shortkatie) lol but thanks for the comment :)

I think all men watch porn. My male friends, cousins and exboyfriends do it. I've watched it. I don't think is harmful in a relationship if the couple keeps loving and taking care of each other. My husband watches porn, which I think is great to get rid of him when I'm not in the mood. It doesn't make me feel less attractive because he tells me everyday how beautiful I am and I love the fact that he always brings new ideas to spice our relationship. Thanks porn!

You should be the only woman he is getting off too. Going through this with my hubby and I am sick at my stomach. I know I'm a good woman, I know he is darn lucky to have me, and I know I can rock his world. I have had thots but have never entertained them and wouldn't because I love him. He is the selfish basterd who decided to entertain them. Love is about respect not sexual gratification!

Hello Mkw40353,

You responded to more then three years old post see the date on the right uper corner before you respond to any thread, Thanks.

John