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View Full Version : I was hit with "let's slow down". Now what do I do?


nola5450
Mar 28, 2008, 02:15 PM
This is long... please bear with me. I was more wondering about what could be in this woman's head and how much time before I contact her again? Her and I have known each other for some time now and currently live a long distance from each other. She has long known my feelings for her and I would travel to see her maybe once a month for a day or two. Recently she got a new place of her own and was looking for a roommate to help share in the costs. None of her friends stepped up to help. She reached out to me and I of course said I was interested. I flew there to spend a few days with her and we had a great time. We made plans, she told me she "wanted to be with me and that "she loved me". I flew home and made plans to move in with her. She and I were so excited that in about 3 weeks later I flew back to be with her for a solid week. I purchased beautiful new furniture for the house that she continuously said she wanted me to live in. We had a great week, grew even closer together. We professed our love and feelings for each other and made plans to be together. She kept saying that she was falling in love with me then BOOM.

One night I was sitting at the bar where she works and told her I was going to leave and hang with my friends I'd see her later. I returned hours later and found out she had an argument with her boss and walked out. She never called me. I drove to the house to look for her and looked in the window because the door was locked. I saw her fully clothed sleeping on the bed and some dude also sleeping fully clothed next to her. I banged on the window to have her open the door. From the window I could see her stand up and so did dude while she came around to open the door. When she did I walked right past her and proceeded to (for lack of a better term) choke the bastard who was in the bed that I just bought her. Eventually things calmed down and he left. But the damage appeared done. I absolutely believe that nothing happened. I suspect that he had just gotten her high because she was pissed about work and could not deal with it. I also believe that she has emotional problems along with too much drinking and possibly "hard" drugs". She asked me to forgive her and not to leave her. We cried together and went to sleep. I was not officially moved in and had to fly out the next day. We talked over the phone and she started with "I do love you, but I think I got swept up". "Too fast blah blah". She told me she didn't like my reaction to fighting her friend and denied any wrong doing. She said she's an emotional wreck and want's to slow down and not live together. She also said we should just "hang out". She was moving her girlfriend in with her.

We last spoke on the phone 2 weeks ago. I know that this "quiet time" is very important for her and I. I realize that maybe I did move too fast. I was available for her. I spent a lot of money on her and maybe it all overwhelmed her. I also do believe that her feelings and "love" were genuine. It's very easy to see a fake, and she was not faking. I also believe that she's scared and does not want to hurt me, because of these little problems I think she has. Bottom line is: I do love her and I do want her in my life albeit not as roomates right now. Maybe a more modified "take it slow relationship". I am willing to wait for her to come around, but I'm not sure how long do I have to wait before I call or write. I know she has to be thinking about me and I'm wondering who makes the first move here. I don't want to lose her, but I need to know when and how much is appropriate given all you know now about my mess.

TrueFaith
Mar 28, 2008, 02:41 PM
OK man I stopped reading after the dude next to her and her drinking problems.

That speaks a 10000 times more than anything.

Slow down and hang out? Oh my god mate. This girl is up and down more than my Xs panties seriously.

This girl seems like way too much troble she has issues.. you should do more than slow down, you should stop and take back all the stuff you got. And I mean now. Because if you go on like this she will hurt you even more so down the line.

Your starting and she does this to you? After she says she loves you and wanted you to move in. nahhhh man this is not right

Kick her to the kerb you don't have time for this persons emotional issues nor her lack of morals.

Don't feel silly for the way your feeling I think you did really well. But now you got to be strong and cut it

talaniman
Mar 28, 2008, 02:51 PM
You sure jumped in head first, that's for sure, and now backing off won't be easy at all. Get your stuff and go home, as I suspect this is only a preview of things to come. Is it worth all that distance? I don't think so, but its your call. Me, I'm out in a hurry. Nice plan, wrong girl. Next time, give it a lot more time, and thought.