Hi anyone out there,

To quickly summarize my situation; I divorced my husband a year ago after he told me he had been cheating on me for about half of our married life. I thought I would never be the same again. I thought I lost the ability to love, make love, confidence, etc. Maybe 8 months after that, I suddenly realized I had an attraction for a man I met. We'll call him a business client. Anyway, I had a couple appointments w/ him w/ no romantic thought ever crossing my mind. In fact, I was slightly annoyed w/ him for various reasons concerning our meetings. Then, one day, I realized I was thinking about him a lot. I was even thinking of him in "other" ways. Ways that I thought were long gone for me after I had been hurt so bad. I longed for him. I longed for his presence, his voice, his warmth. I certainly wasn't looking for this. So we had another meeting together and this meeting was a bit different. I felt fireworks. Not just on my end, but on his also. Body language speaks volumes. Of course at this time, I looked for a wedding ring because on past occasions I wasn't thinking about this situation. No wedding ring, I'm in the clear. Still, I'm fidgety, I'm romantically interested but I can't look him in the face. Then, we were closing our meeting and I forced myself to look at him. In return, we gazed in each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity, sitting very close to each other. Neither one of us looked away. But then he got up and left the room so quick I thought maybe I offended him. I thought I'd never see him again as this was out last visit together.

Two months later I found myself having to meet w/ him again. This time, a ring. Plus, I suspected there may have been a wife due to some research conducted by our office. As soon as I saw the ring I became very self conscious of how I acted. He was off limits. I avoided eye contact, I spoke matter-of-factly to him. I sat on the other side of the room. At first he tried to sit close, but I moved away blaming it on paperwork I had to finish. But now as I sit here, I miss and long for him. Why? Why for a married man? Could he be interested? His body language was much the same as before. Except this last time he was fidgeting around w/ his watch. I thought that was a bad sign telling me he didn't have time for me. I don't know why or how I developed these feelings. I absolutely adore him and he'll never know that someone other than his wife has deep affections for him.

I guess my question is, could there be a chance he was romantically interested and that I'm not crazy? How can I get over him. I never even touched him or held him and I feel like I'm back in middle school, crying all over myself. Why is this so important to me? Any psychics out there see him in my stars? What was the purpose of him crossing my path?

Yes there's a chance he was interested in you, thus the reason he had taken off his ring. Then you opened the door and the man came back to his senses.

Now you do that. Come to your senses. Your feelings are completely, absolutely, 200% irrelevant. Do you understand that? He is a married man, and he's apparently flinching a little in his marriage. Don't you DARE push him the rest of the way. I mean it!

You go look in the mirror, take that long stare you used on HIM and use it on yourself. Your desire is for a decent, meaningful, trusted relationship. If all you want is a fling and drama, date a college student!

I mean it, dear. Your post is crystal clear preliminary "mistress" thinking and you must, must MUST chase them away and regain yourself.

Call your mom, call your boss, call your friends, call whomever you need to keep you in check, but don't you dare chase down (and heaven forbid possibly catch) a married man.

And no more private meetings with him. Even for business, send someone else, or meet at office only. (slap slap slap)

Horoscopes, mystics... oh my. I just read the end of your note again. Girl, get your head out of the clouds.

The purpose of your meeting him was business. That's it. Period. Everything else is stuff you're adding. Period.

You want magic hocus-pocus? OK, I'll cast my spell for your benefit:

"Oh wizards of love and relationships, grant this woman the love she deserves, but give her only the safety and fidelity with her man as she herself deserves. May she reap what she sows."

OK, the curse is cast. If you steal someone else's man away, expect nothing less in your own relationship. By my magic, you will get the same thing you give to others, including the woman whose man you chase/steal.

No I feel a lot for him but trust me, I would have a hard time acting on this given what had happened to me. When I read your first couple of lines I got a different angle of the story I had never seen before. I never thought that he had "taken" his ring off, I just thought he was unattached and didn't have a ring. Also, I didn't realize when I subtly let him know I was interested back, he came to his senses. He is flinching, especially since after the ring was there, his actions to me were quite the same.

I don't want to catch him, believe me, I would never have happiness w/ someone else's man. If he were truly unhappy in his marriage, he would have left her by now. I guess I just want to know why in the world of human chemistry, this happens. I'm so tired of it happening to me. Actually, I'm thinking of passing him off entirely and not seeing him anymore. It is a shame because business wise, he is one of the best, but I can't do this to myself anymore. If I was wrong about all this, I will be losing a really good client, so to speak", so I hope it is what I think it is so I don't feel so bad about walking away from this.

"Why in the world of human chemistry this happens..." That's an excellent metaphor and the answer is there, too. Chemistry has no conscience. Chemistry has no morals. If you mix A+B you get C.

You're ability to "have chemistry" has absolutely nothing to do with "having good sense". Those two things exist in separate worlds. Your only duty is to find the spots in life where they DO actually intersect.

Your chemistry for this man does not intersect with good sense, so there's no pursuing this one. Don't beat yourself up for your uncontrollable chemistry response for this man. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to men, ALL men, even married men.

But DO beat yourself up if you actually start turning those feelings into action items, especially when the "good sense" intersection hasn't happened. That is something you CAN, and WILL, do something about.

You shouldn't feel bad when you do the right thing. You will, on occasion, but doing right is always rewarded in your spirit, if not in your "love" heart.

On the up, side, your post started with you doubting your ability to love... well, THAT'S been resolved, eh? Your love muscle is clearly alive and well. Now get out there and give it the chance to flex some more.

JB, is so right as we humans are attracted to each other all the time. Sometimes its stronger for others, and the intensity of those attractions can be distracting, to say the least. That's why its so important to be grounded in good common sense, and see that some people are clearly out of bounds, and unavailable, for us to act on our feelings. Unfortunately for some that common sense can be removed as easily as a ring on our fingers, and that's when all kinds of chaos comes in.