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View Full Version : What would you do?


mariposa11
Mar 23, 2008, 10:41 PM
I know of a person whose child was hurt (not seriously) while in the care of a parent. (Parents are divorced and have both moved on.) The kid was with dad, who sees the kid a couple of times a week. He allowed his child to ride a motor operated scooter driven by another child, age 7. The device is meant for one kid, but there were two of them on it. The driving child had protective gear, but the dad's kid (passenger) had none. He knew it was going on, and allowed it. The scooter tipped on top of the child and the kid's ankle was injured. Dad thought it might be broken at first. He and his girlfriend told the child to lie if they had to go to the ER, or if the kid's mom saw the injury and asked about it and say it was from falling down the stairs. Would you report this, and if so, to who? CPS? Police?

LifePaparazzi
Mar 23, 2008, 10:54 PM
No, I would not report this. Even parents make mistakes. Would you want someone to run to the police every time something happened to your child. Of cause not. Also, I'm sad to tell you (But I speak from experience... ours was MUCH worse) it will not go anywhere. If the child was not seriously injured, let it go. Surely this father has learned his lesson.

Also, since you were not physically there to see EXACTLY what went down, you really should not be so quick to judge. For all you know, the father may have instruced the child to put on protective gear, and the child didn't do it. Our kids are not allowe to ride our ATV's without helmet, solid shoes etc. But you know what, they don't allways do what you tell them. For the sake of peace between these divorced parents, which is MUCH less stressfull for the child, let it go this time. What if the tables were turned. I'm sure the kid will get hurt again. How would the mother like it if the father ran to turn her in every time the child got hurt. So relax, and give this father the benefit of the doubt this time.

However, it would be wise to address the issue of asking the child to lie. That is certainly NOT in the child's interest. Encouraging this type of behavior is very stressfull for a child. That - should NOT be going on and needs to be dealt with between the parents. CALMLY and RESPECTFULLY. Remember, children see more then we give them credit for. If the parents continuously fight, argue and try to get each other in trouble, it is behavior that will put in to practice in his / her own life. There has to be mutual respect for each parent, if the parents expect the child to be respectful to both. Keep in mind though that the father may have told the child to do this out of sheer panic, knowing that the ex. Will raise a big stink. What if the tables were turned. I'm sure the kid will get hurt again. How would the mother like it if the father ran to turn her in every time the child got hurt.

Take it from a mother of 4 step-children, who has dealt with a truly crazy and dumb ex-wife. She has been pulling these stunts for years. Now that two of the children are grown, they want NOTHING to do with her. (Oldest daughter didn't even invite her own mother to her wedding) The two younger ones, still with her, have suffered so much emotional stress that they now hate their mother. I'm sure you don't want that to happen.

mariposa11
Mar 23, 2008, 11:08 PM
But I was there... and the dad did know what was going on. But I am a friend of his parents'. I know he and his family hate the kid's mom, but her mom is good to her, and as far as I know, has never lied to the dad about anything concerning their child. The mom has invited the dad and grandparents to the kid's functions at school and outside of school. I have known the family for years, including when the mom and dad were together. None of this bad blood existed against the mom when she was with the dad. And I've seen the dad lie and tell the kid to lie about other things in the past few weeks, though none involved injury to the child.

mariposa11
Mar 23, 2008, 11:13 PM
Oh, I should also mention that this isn't the only kid in his care who seems to be lacking supervision... one of the other kids was left unattended in a vehicle with keys and drove into a fence (luckily, it was near a major highway). And there was an incident where the kid I mentioned before was left outside unattended in a huge apartment complex and broke a window. The mom knows none of this. Should I tell her?

LifePaparazzi
Mar 24, 2008, 02:06 AM
Well, that now changes things. If the father is clearly showing obvious neglect and the lack to make sound decisions, that's a different story all together. If you feel that the children are in danger, you should do something about it.

But before you call Child Services, talk to the mother. If all of these things are going on, she certainly has a right to know. That way the mother can take steps to secure her child's safety. After all, think about how bad you would feel should something serious happen, when you could have prevented it.

If you don't feel comfortable with becoming so involved in the situation, you can call C.S. anonimously.

mariposa11
Mar 25, 2008, 11:08 PM
I thank you for your help. I didn't wait for a response though, and I did contact the mom myself. She took the kid to the ER to make sure the child as OK, then she filed a police report (No charges) so that it was on record. I am torn with loyalty to this family and obligation to tell as a mom myself, but I think I did the right thing. She didn't call CPS, but she did report the incident, so I have to believe she is trying to do right by her child without causing any unnecessary fighting. She asked me not to tell the family about her knowing as she was fearful the child may be punished for telling the truth. I agreed. She asked that I tell her of any other things that happen in the future, and I assured her that if it involved hr child, I would.

LifePaparazzi
Mar 27, 2008, 04:25 PM
Well, sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck and remember, loyalty ends when children get hurt.

N0help4u
Mar 27, 2008, 06:08 PM
I would not report it. CPS can be a persons worse nightmare.
Reporting it to the mom to handle is all you should do in cases like this.
It seems to me like kids don't get out and get fresh air but stay hooked on the video players because so many people are worried about kids getting out and being kids because "they might get hurt"
His not supervising them needs to be kept up to date for the mothers attention though.