Rdyson
Mar 22, 2008, 06:42 PM
Hello,
So here goes. I was in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful person. He loved me and I loved him. We danced together, salsa. We even had a dog. Life was good, I was happy, there was no other person who would have turned my head. But something changed. I have always been interested in ballroom dance. At one point I was going to be an instructor but fate intervened and I got a masters instead. I though to myself that with a masters I would be able to then dance ballroom as I would be able to afford it or at least be able to take a lesson or two. I have always dreamed of dancing, been obsessed if you will. I would even feel sad when I saw dancing on TV and I wasn't the one dancing. From time to time I would scrape up enough to take a lesson or two and then use the gym at school to practice on my own. Up and down the basketball court I would go practicing rumba walks. I even set up a page on a dance partner search website. Well, eventually I found one. At first it was great. I had a great relationship with my x and I also was fulfilling my dream of dance and I had a job in the field I had been trained in. For a brief period I was as happy as they come.
Then things changed, my head was turned. This sent me into an up roar emotionally. I tried to talk myself out of it. I spent countless hours on the phone with a dear friend. I found reasons to not be attracted to him. This went on for months. I described the crush I had on my dance partner as a cancer that was eating away at me and my relationship. My realtionhsip was still strong and steady alothough we had never been hot and heavy even when I first met him. It was always a slowly, steady, loving fire. There was comfort and love. I never told. I thought about my options. After months of increaseing emotional tailspinning I decided to move out to give myself space and to not cheat emotionally anymore.
At first this was great. I had some space and I explored my emotions. We fit wonderfully. We both work hard at dance, fall into each other's arms, etc... He is really a great person too. Anyway, as time pasted and after I let my ex know about my dance partner and I, I went crazy. I miss my ex. I think about him everyday. I also and in love with my dance partner. I am in love with both of them! I love my ex more because he is well, him. There is another problem. I love dance and my dance partner represents that life in dance too. What do I do. I had a competition today and we did wonderful. As soon as I step off the floor I think, "am I trading in a perfectly beautiful relationship for dance and my dance partner who is great too. My dance partner has different qualities and not all of those of my ex. I am not even sure my ex wants me back. Who would really.
I have also quite dancing and my dance partner 3 times now. I have always come back and now my dance partner will not take no for an answer because he knows I will come back. I have sort of been juggling the both of them because I still see my ex and then I see my dance partner. I had kept them separate as far as intimacy goes until recently. I don't know what to do. Do I choose a life of dance and my dance partner or do I go back to my steady, strong, good looking, sincere ex and dance socially. I am crazy help. I have been going through this emotional hell for about a year now.
So here goes. I was in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful person. He loved me and I loved him. We danced together, salsa. We even had a dog. Life was good, I was happy, there was no other person who would have turned my head. But something changed. I have always been interested in ballroom dance. At one point I was going to be an instructor but fate intervened and I got a masters instead. I though to myself that with a masters I would be able to then dance ballroom as I would be able to afford it or at least be able to take a lesson or two. I have always dreamed of dancing, been obsessed if you will. I would even feel sad when I saw dancing on TV and I wasn't the one dancing. From time to time I would scrape up enough to take a lesson or two and then use the gym at school to practice on my own. Up and down the basketball court I would go practicing rumba walks. I even set up a page on a dance partner search website. Well, eventually I found one. At first it was great. I had a great relationship with my x and I also was fulfilling my dream of dance and I had a job in the field I had been trained in. For a brief period I was as happy as they come.
Then things changed, my head was turned. This sent me into an up roar emotionally. I tried to talk myself out of it. I spent countless hours on the phone with a dear friend. I found reasons to not be attracted to him. This went on for months. I described the crush I had on my dance partner as a cancer that was eating away at me and my relationship. My realtionhsip was still strong and steady alothough we had never been hot and heavy even when I first met him. It was always a slowly, steady, loving fire. There was comfort and love. I never told. I thought about my options. After months of increaseing emotional tailspinning I decided to move out to give myself space and to not cheat emotionally anymore.
At first this was great. I had some space and I explored my emotions. We fit wonderfully. We both work hard at dance, fall into each other's arms, etc... He is really a great person too. Anyway, as time pasted and after I let my ex know about my dance partner and I, I went crazy. I miss my ex. I think about him everyday. I also and in love with my dance partner. I am in love with both of them! I love my ex more because he is well, him. There is another problem. I love dance and my dance partner represents that life in dance too. What do I do. I had a competition today and we did wonderful. As soon as I step off the floor I think, "am I trading in a perfectly beautiful relationship for dance and my dance partner who is great too. My dance partner has different qualities and not all of those of my ex. I am not even sure my ex wants me back. Who would really.
I have also quite dancing and my dance partner 3 times now. I have always come back and now my dance partner will not take no for an answer because he knows I will come back. I have sort of been juggling the both of them because I still see my ex and then I see my dance partner. I had kept them separate as far as intimacy goes until recently. I don't know what to do. Do I choose a life of dance and my dance partner or do I go back to my steady, strong, good looking, sincere ex and dance socially. I am crazy help. I have been going through this emotional hell for about a year now.