Hi.

Here is a brief summary of my relationship with my ex-gf. We meet in 2005 both coming out of marriages that we each ended. We were still separated when we started to date. We became serious and within a few months, were inseparable. Once we we officially divorced, there was talk of marriage. I wanted to wait until some time passed to avoid looking like we got married too fast to the ex's (wanting to avoid more dramawith them) so we did. A few months later, her ex started problems with the kids. Within less than one year of her divorce, her ex got remarried. His new wife is budding into the affairs of the shared children. This led to stress between everyone including between me and my girlfriend. Our marriage plans were put on hold until the custody would be decided. They currently split custody 50/50.


I was in a state of limbo with my girlfriend. Every day we spoke of mostly the custody fight. I came to the point that I tuned some of it out and appeared uncaring. I also gained some weight becaused I had stopped excercising after I met her because I wanted to spend all my time with her in the mornings before work etc. I still walked, but I was comfortable with the relationship and ceased trying to impress her. Anyhow, things got worse, she stopped having her kids around my kids on the weekends we had them all at the same time but I thought the custody battle's ending would help a lot with that and our relationship. The trial was set for march, and early feb, my ex-gf ended with me citing that I was selfish and non-commital. I explained that I wanted to marry her, but was waiting on the proper time, once the battle was over. I had saved money for a ring, planned it in my head, and was just waiting. Her dumping me devastated me. I cried for 3 weeks straight. I then started to chat with someone I met via work and she recommended I join match.com. I met my ex-gf that way. So I joined for 1 month. I met a few people but nothing like what I had in my ex-gf. I just missed and wanted her too much to let anybody in. I started to go out with a friend of mine who I used to work with along time ago. We seem to get along well but I don't think it's going anywhere. There's not much chemistry there like between my ex-gf and me. Well, me ex-gf found out about match and my friend. She was angry. I told her I was just out there trying to meet people so as to forget about her. We went back and forth and she discovered this friend I have been seeing. I told her I dropped match, which I did, because she seems to be wanting us back together but it'll have to wait until the custody battle is over. I have not dropped the friend. Me and my ex-gf have walked together and have dinner together a few times this past week and it's been good. I feel like there is still a bond there. She calls/emails me to walk so it's not just me.


My question, finally, is do you think she wants back together based on the history? She has told me she misses being with someone, but not just me... That really hurts. But then she will email or call me asking to walk or talk in depth about her issues. How do I handle this? She is giving me mixed signals at times. I really feel she is the one for me but I am not sure if I am what she wants now. I have been reading a self help book called "the bonds that make us free" and obviously I have been very selfish.


Should I stop seeing others and just take what the ex-gf can give hoping it will progress and she will see that I am changing for the better? She has told me she is not dating and can't, because of the custody battle and her heart still hurts. So does mine... But I don't have many friends and seeing my new friend helps me pass the time. What to do?

Don't rush her take everyday as it comes and see were it goes,she will be under a lot of pressure at the moment with the custody battle and with your relationship as acouple and as friends,she comes to you to talk about her problems that's agood thing that you both can talk,even if its just about her at the moment at least lines of comunication are still open.just give her some time wait until the custody battle is over and see if you both can sit down and talk then that is your best bet,just waiting until her mind is free to think about your relationship.explain to her how you feel about her and why you was waiting until after the custody battle to ask her to marry you etc I hope all goes well for you both

Thanks for the response.

Today I took my kids biking. I told her that I might take them today. I went to the park, and there she was with her kids. We bumped into them. We all said high then we continued on. I called her after we were done inviting them for desert. She called back later saying she missed the call because she was out shopping for food. Anyhow, there is something there.


I love her dearly. I am not sure what to do. If I wait the 3 months or maybe 5, then I am fearful she will move on to someone else or at least not want me. But I don't want to throw it away by seeing others. I love this woman and do want to marry her...

I'm torn.

We were still separated when we started to date. We became serious and within a few months, were inseparable. Once we we officially divorced, there was talk of marriage.
If I were you, I would have fun with my kids, and take it very slow before jumping into something so fast, after just leaving a relationship. There is no reason to rush in, no matter how she feels at this moment, so take it slow, and build something if it's there, before you throw all your eggs in her basket. There are plenty of things to work out. Take your time, and do this right, and don't worry whether she wants a commitment right now. You both have much to get over, and get used to.