Ok, I am going to first tell you what is currently going on with my friend. She is 21 and he is 24, they were dating for about 6 months but the relationship was far from perfect. I have had to sit here three times now listening to this story and still will not take my adviceand is now P.O'ed at me. So here we go

They were previously hook up buddies for 3 months, then they got into an argument and didn't talk to 4 months. He texted her out of the blue and began talking, eventually going out onto dates. I was no doubt sketchy about the situation because of him being shady, only asking her to come over at around 12am, barely texting her or calling her back always with some lame excuse that his phone died. But did she listen to me? NOPE... He ended up breaking it off because of "this" and she was devasted(3 months in) then she did the whole calling him 24/7 along with texting him, writing him e-mails, letters and talking to his friends. They end up back together a week later.

Part 2 of this saga, she told me they hung out Friday and everything was fine, but Saturday through Monday he ignored her calls, texts. Tuesday sends her a text saying "you don't make me smile anymore, you don't make my heart skip a beat. I want something more that you can't give me anymore. I've felt this for around a week ago" So I tell her to go No Contact! She doesn't listen, starts texting him all night(keeping me awake because she would ask is this OK to say, which I would say DON'T DO IT) and he would respond "just stop! leave it alone" and then she asks him "can we be civil because of mutual friends?" and he calls her and says something like "we can be civil but stop texting me, it's over....."(she said there was a long pause) so immediately she resorts to "you told me you loved me, and stupid me believed it" and then tells me that because of the pause and him saying it's OK to be friends with his friends still that "it's not over and he wanted to say more"

Meanwhile the entire time I am saying "leave it alone! you're only going to push him further and further away. Go No Contact, if he wants to contact you he will. There's nothing you can say or do to change his decision." Followed by a phone call from her to me last night of her saying how she is going to write him a letter for "her closure"(typical line) and then I said "Fine...But after that NO MORE TEXTING OR CALLING" and she says "I can't promise that, I'm not ready to let go. I don't get the feeling that it's over." Then what started her yelling at me was when she said "we had more of a connection than you and Brianna(my ex)" So I said "I don't find that to be true and it's not about that. But if you want to keep opening up old wounds with these letters and constant texting asking him about the letter, I can't stop you" So now she is mad because I wasn't a "friend" by telling her what she NEEDS to hear, not what she WANTS to hear.

**Just had to get it out because it's been bothering me since last night.. What does everyone think**

I've been in this situation with my friend. She didn't listen either and had a long, drawn out breakup. I didn't sugar coat things with her either, and she didn't like that.

I personally think this guy was just after sex. 12 am get togethers?? Yeah... sex. And I think he found someone else to bang, and that's why he dumped her.

I think it was totally wrong of your friend to compare her and her man, and you and Brianna. That's not cool.

Anyway, we can dispense advice, but if they don't take it... oh well. It's sad, but people sometimes follow their heart instead of their head.

EXACTLY Mafia... I knew it was wrong for her to do that about the comparing, but she just broke up so I didn't let it get to me. My biggest pet peeve is, don't ask me for advice and not take it. THEN ASK ME FOR ADVICE AGAIN! I even told her about this forum, telling her getting her story out in the open would help a lot. Her response "I'm not going to share my feelings with a bunch of strangers because I am stubborn and will do what I want to do" Her break ups last for months, because he will call in a week to "talk" and they will have sex and she will call me wondering why she did something so stupid.

After being on this site, I have realized the warning signs and classic lines(we ALL have used them) and I told her this site helped more than any friend of mine ever did and consider the people on there my friends. She just doesn't want to here the truth, she wants to hear "He will come back in a week and you will be fine again" I'm not going to say that, I'm going to be honest

EXACTLY Mafia...I knew it was wrong for her to do that about the comparing, but she just broke up so I didn't let it get to me. My biggest pet peeve is, don't ask me for advice and not take it. THEN ASK ME FOR ADVICE AGAIN! I even told her about this forum, telling her getting her story out in the open would help a lot. Her response "I'm not going to share my feelings with a bunch of strangers because I am stubborn and will do what I want to do" Her break ups last for months, because he will call in a week to "talk" and they will have sex and she will call me wondering why she did something so stupid.

After being on this site, I have realized the warning signs and classic lines(we ALL have used them) and I told her this site helped more than any friend of mine ever did and consider the people on there my friends. She just doesn't want to here the truth, she wants to hear "He will come back in a week and you will be fine again" I'm not going to say that, I'm going to be honest



My friend was going through a break up the same time I was... and she is so far behind me in recovery. That's how I know NC works. Some people just don't listen though. Does she know how well it's worked for you? Yeah, what I would tell her is something along the lines of: "The only advice I can really give is to go No Contact." Then give her the NC schpeel one last time. I'm sure you've done what you could. She just has to be brave and realize she's worth letting this loser go.

And hell yes you have friends here!

Yea, I do.. That's why I don't consider talking on here "strangers" as she does. But to each their own. I told her look how far I have come with No Contact. And she gave me this line I said when I didn't come onto this site "You said you would wait forever for her" and then I said, yea, until I started going onto the site and had people tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted. No matter how harsh(Tal ha ha)the advice was, it was the blunt truth of the matter. And now after the advice everyone gave me, I do my best on this forum to help others with their problems. I do it the same way the people who helped me do, completely blunt and honest.

After hearing her talk about it, and seeing I was the same way. Thank you to everyone who was so blunt with me no matter how harsh it was. You have helped me get to the point at where I am today :-D

*sigh* The things love makes us do. We are sometimes just so blinded by what we want that we don't rationally think things through.

Well, your friend was wrong in comparing her relationship to yours. I would go easy on her though, the only reason she did that was because she was angry. It's clear that she is frantically looking for some sign of hope that things will work out (her attaching so much value to a pause in conversation is proof enough). Sometimes it can be hard to counsel friends because they only want you to tell them what they want to hear. I think some friends actually do that, and as a result they give bad advice.

However, what you are doing is good and even brave. Your honesty may be risking the friendship, but in time she will see that you are right. I know it's tough but hang in there with her, she is still going to need you.

Yea Confused, she was telling me how one of her friends was saying "There is something going on, he will be back before the week is out. If he called you and had that pause, that definately means something" I have never been the type of friend to tell you what you want to hear(as apparent in some of the advice I give to people) so that won't change. It may hurt the person at that present moment but I can't lie to people like that

Yeah, I guess we could say that advice like that is just based on inexperience. It makes me wonder though, I bet a lot of friends even give bad advice to the person initiating the break-up (e.g. yeah you should dump him/her, you are totally in the right, it's all his/her fault). I wish people were a little better at thinking for themselves and filtering through the advice rationally.

I know guys heavily do, because we always would complain about our ex's "She is being a blah blah blah" and you had those single friends "dump her dude, single life is awesome" so I can only imagine the advice people give these days. It's never thought about, just given without caring about what happens

Yeah I think its something both men and women do. A lot of people have good intentions in helping but they just don't think their advice through. I mean, I'm no expert, but when I do give advice I make sure to tell about my experiences as a way to give what I have to say more backing. And when I'm not sure if I'm right, I'll offer advice but then add at the end, "well that's just my opinion, you should get others ideas before making a final decision." I hope when I got dumped my ex-girlfriend was at least getting some decent advice. I would be mad and disappointed if that wasn't the case.

Yea, and the funniest part of this whole thing. When me and my ex broke up, she was the one giving me the harsh advice to let go, move on and stuff like that. It's funny how we can't seem to follow our own advice. I think the best advice I have ever received on here was from everyone saying "NO CONTACT" which started to get my ex back, but after a little time I felt so much better and realized it was healing me and now I feel like a brand new person from 3 months ago when it first happened. It doesn't even feel like that person was me

So now she is mad because I wasn't a "friend" by telling her what she NEEDS to hear, not what she WANTS to hear.

She will thank you one day, and that's okay if they get mad. The point is trying to help, whether they listen or not. All you can do is give it your best shot, and then its up to them.