I am a single mom of a two year old who is dealing with her father who is a drinker and an abuser. He has his days with our daughter and bad mouths me to her and around her as well as leaves her to be watched by other people in his family. When I get her back she is filthy,stinky, and emotional. This last time I found two welts on her that he cannot explain. We go through mediation and he says he wants her over nights but when he got to have her he just complained about the whole experience and refused to have her on another one. I know the courts will have him take her over nights. And the only reason he admits to me why he asks this is to get back at me. He tells me constantly that he will have her hate me before she turns sixteen. I can really go into more detail on what he does and says but its just so upsetting to me. The courts say they allow this for the child but she is already showing signs of not trusting him. I tried everything with him but because I won't let him not pay child support he says he won't change. I am exhausted and don't know what to do.

I'm no lawyer and have had no experience with child support, but doesn't he have to pay regardless if he sees her (or is allowed by the court to see her) or not?--until she's 18?

Do you have a lawyer? Please consult with one about this. I fear for your daughter's physical and mental health (and yours too)!

Thank you. He has to pay regardless. He's just making us suffer because of that. I just can't afford a lawyer at this time. We go back to court soon. The mediator wanted me to record him but he's not that stupid. He see's her this Sunday and every time he takes her I feel so numb with fear.

If you feel that he is harming your daughter then I would contact someone about it, go to the police or something, there has to be someone that can do something before this child gets really hurt by him!!

Take pictures of welts or bruises on your child and keep a journal of times and occurrences when he has her. At least that will be something.

Does the mediator know about his drinking, the welts, the apparent lack of care? Record (in writing and photos) everything you have described with the date and situational factors. This man does not seem to be able to care for the child. If he has a history of alcohol offences like DUI or drunk and disorderly conduct, supervised visitation may be recommended. I am not a lawyer, but I was the drunk parent. My ex-husband was very concerned but did not pursue the situation like he could have. I was not a fit parent and my daughter should not have been allowed to see me without someone else present.

The mediator knows about his drinking and past dui's. Hes been through aa and she said that she feels he got nothing out of it. I have been keeping a journal of everything and have pictures of her new welts. The last time we were in there I had pictures of extreme pornography that he had around her and she said that she didn't feel that our child understood that enough to harm her. But his niece now touches herself and shows her privates in public. He brags about having her over his house and how he's able to take care of her.

Apparently the mediator is a dimwit. This is just an idea, but what about child protection services? Try calling them, see if they can recommend something. Try calling lawyers, see if you can find one who is reasonable. Please do something! I just read in my local paper today about a man on trial for killing his girlfriend's 2 yr old daughter while he was babysitting. Apparently he was drunk. I won't go into details, but the Medical examiner said her injuries were the worst he'd seen in 20 years.
I hope everything works out. It's a shame when people use their children as a bargaining chip. He obviously isn't a fit parent and the mediator should be hung from her toenails.

Document everything that goes on. If you suspect that your child has been abused while in his custody, call social services and explain your situation to them, see if they can help. The next time you see the mediator, explain that you feel your daughter is in physical danger while with him.

See if you can get in for a free consultation with a lawyer. Sometimes they will meet with you for free the first time, and then you can decide if you want to hire them or not. It can be a good way to get some free legal advice. Also, in my community in the midwest, we have "Talk to an attorney day", where local lawyers volunteer their time once a month and people can go and get legal advice when they otherwise wouldn't be able to. You might want to look online and see if anything like that is offered in your community.

Document everything, Have a witness when you pick her up, if there are welts, take her to the doctor or ER for investigtions and call child welfare if the child is being abused.

Okay I am 13 but I am going through the Same thing your child is enduring. My father is an alcoholic and he would drink excesively and take me to an aunts house and leave, I would be left in his home while he was passed out on the couch. I was left with no phone, food, plumbing, water, or a heater when it was cold. This had been going on since I was three years old. My dad would tell me AWFUL lies about my mother. I told my mother and she reported this to child protective services but they did absolutely nothing. So she was forced to hire a lawer and take this to court. I am telling you PLEASE SEEK HELP before it gets worse because believe me I have had ten years of expirience, I never thought he would become violent but he did. PLEASE! If you don't stop this now, I promise it will only get worse these actions can lead to mental problems in your child due to neglect. My mother sought help and now my father is in A.A. and I cannot see him until he has been sober for 1 yr.

Okay well my mother gave me a camera and made take a lot of pictures but you mentioned your child is very young and her father is not nieve. So I have to ask, when you first leave her with him is he already drunk?

okay i am 13 but i am going through the EXACT same thing your child is enduring. my father is an alchoholic and he would drink excesively and take me to an aunts house and leave, i would be left in his home while he was passed out on the couch. i was left with no phone, food, plumbing, water, or a heater when it was cold. this had been going on since i was three years old. my dad would tell me AWFUL lies about my mother. i told my mother and she reported this to child protective services but they did absolutely nothing. so she was forced to hire a lawer and take this to court. i am telling you PLEASE SEEK HELP before it gets worse because believe me i have had ten years of expirience, i never thought he would become violent but he did. PLEASE! if you dont stop this now, i promise it will only get worse these actions can lead to mental problems in your child due to neglect. my mother saught help and now my father is in A.A. and i cannot see him until he has been sober for 1 yr.

Your doing a great job helping others sweetie,make you you take care of you too :D

I'm new to this site and not really sure what I'm doing, but in answer to this. My dad who is no longer with us was a drinker and my mum had a difficult choice on whether she was going to let me and my sister see him, as he did so many things wrong. But my mum did something to this day I think was best she let me and my sister decide, I'm not ger to tell you how to raise your child or tell you what to do, you should do what you think is best, maybe cut down the visits. I understand the aggravation it causes