I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and 4 months ago we got engaged. She lives 4 hours away so we only see each other on weekends. She recently out of the blue said she needs space but its not over completely she says. I asked her what was the problem and she said she is unhappy with us and unhappy with her life, she said she is said and does not know really why. She has brought up the past with some stupid things I have done. She thinks I cheated on her in the past but I did not. The other things are her mom does not like me and continues to tell my girlfriend that we should not be together. When we got engaged her mom was not happy for us and since, things have gotten worse that her mom will not talk to her or me. Her moms reasons are that long distance relationships do not work and she does not know me and over the last 2 years I have had chances to get to know her but never tried to get to know her. Me and my girlfriend continued to fight about this situation with her mom and my girlfriend says she has has enough. She sais that all of this has taken a toll on her. I have called her mom names to my girlfriend and I have called my girlfriend names when we fight about her mom. She stated that her friends do not like me and do not think we click. I get along well with her dad and brothers and sisters just not her mom. I was going to end up moving there to be with her later this year. Now we have not seen each other in 4 weeks because she keeps making excuses for me not to fly there everyweekend, also she does not answer my calls but sometimes answers when I text her. She keeps saying we will talk but she wants to get her head straight first. I love her and she stated that she still loves me. I am so afraid of losing her and I feel she is being unfair to me by shutting me out since we are engaged. She still has the ring and wears it but it feels we are not together anymore by the way she is acting. I have been e-mailing her and telling her I lover her, other then that I have not called her in many days. What do I do to help this situation in order to get her back. Do I completely not bother her and see if she comes around or do I keep e-mailing her and texting her sometimes? What should I do? The love is still there and I do not think thiere is someone else.

I'm no expert on this but I do know this if she loves you she will talk to you just wait and call her every now and again to show you care but if she doesn't replie back then I guess fly up there and surprise her but don't freak her out and if she does flip for flying out say its just because you love and need to see and talk to her in private don't let a mom get in the way of love! You have ben given a rare and very very specail thing don't waste it she might not always be there and you can't wait forever! :)



The young lover
Ang good luck!

Hi,

My name is matt and my girlfriend of 2 years has called it off. We recently got engaged 4 months ago and since things have gone down hill. We live 4 hours apart so I travel there each weekend and sometimes she does as well. The problems started with her mom not liking me. Her mom does not like me because she does not know me and I never tried to get to know her. Her mom and dad are remarried and her dad loves me. When we got engaged her mom was so upset and it affected everyone else to be happy for us because of that. It got so bad I was not allowed at her moms house anymore so I had to stay at her dads. It caused me to be angry all the time to my girlfriend and we would always fight a lot. I would call her names and be mean because she would not stick up to her mom when her mom was treating her and I this way. Also my girlfriend thinks I have betrayed her in the past with other girls but I did not. I told her they are friends and they are. She all of a sudden on valentines day said she does not want her job and does not want ot be engaged anymore. She said she wants time to think about things. Two weeks went by she sends me a e-mail to end it for good saying she is unhappy and does not think we are right for each other and said its not because of her mom but because she has changed and feels different about things. She said she loves me but all has taken a toll on her. I tried to talk to her but she will not answer her phone to talk but she will e-mail me if I e-mail her but she will respond with mean things to say to me. Three weeks have passed and she e-mailed me saying all this time apart has made her realize she does not need me in her life and we are night right for each other. She has not given the ring or any of my stuff back like she said she was going to 3 weeks ago. Finally I had enough and told her I am backing off because I am getting no where and all she says is mean things that I have done to me all the time. I don't know what to do she means the world to me and I know she loves me but she is even talking about moving away to get another job where her friends now live. She is not all there right now talking like she is. She refuses to talk to me because she does not want to give me any hope of us getting back together. In 3 weeks I am going to vegas for work and will be there the same time she is there and she said that I should not go when she is there. Shold I call her or e-mail her then? It will be 3 weeks from now so a lot of time will pass that I have left her alone. What should I do every one says give ti time and back off but I am worried her mom is adding to this telling her to get away from me. What to do please help!!

First, Give her space and take that time for yourself also.

Going through your post I see two major issues you brought up.

Her mom- You don't have a relationship by your own account because you never tried to develop one. Did you ever try to work on this with your girl, her mom and you? Remember her mom is her mom, guys/girls come and go. Family is forever.

Trust- What happened in the past to cause this "trust issue"? What steps have her and you taken to work through this? Any? Some? None?

From what you said about her lashing back at you, have you said some nasty things? No? Yes? If no, then sounds like she is hurt. Can you tell us why? If yes, then she is mad because you are being hateful and reacting.

BTW- What state do you live in? She may not have to give the ring back (/ouch)

I got along with everyone but her mom and I never did anything wrong to her mom. Her mom just thinks we can not be together because I live here and she lives there. Her mom is stuck up and never tried her self to get to know me. How come I got along with her dad and her brothers and sisters? Her mom and I have had good times but never really hit it off. He mom said " you hid in my daughters room all the time when you came over our house" And I did at first because I was shy but then got better. No matter what I say or do the mother does not want me with her daughter. Her mom refused to work things out and talk with me and my girlfriend she would make reasons not to. She does not trust me because she got my phone records and seen girls calling me but the girls are friends nothing more. She assumes I cheated on her but never had solid proof. She is lashing back at me and she is very mad and yes I have said very mean things to her and called her names but ti was because I was angry with her mom treating me bad. I took iut out on my girlfriend for her to stand up to her mom because her mom tries to run her life. When I e-mail her she comes back with mean things to say to me so I refuse to have contact with her because of that. I know I must let time past because she acts like she doe snto care. She told me to find someone else and move on. She is so not herself. What about the veags thing? How do I apporach her if I want to see her in vegas for a drink. How much time is enoough? What do I do?

She said she was sending the ring and my stuff back in the mail a month ago and still has not. Do you think its because she is holding on to it because she is confused on what to do? I do not think she is trying to keep it. Her family does not want her to keep it.

I know for a fact in PA that if she broke off the engagement that ring is yours. I don't know the official language they used in the case but basically an engagement ring is not a gift it is more like a "promise" and since she broke the "promise" the ring does not belong to her. Now if you were married and got divorced that's different then the ring is hers because she went through with the "promise".

Good Luck

Yes, she could be confused.

Keep in mind that calling her names and being mean won't get her back. Just make her mad.

If she is telling you that she wants you to move on, could she have another guy?

First to answer your question I do NOT think you should contact her when you get to Vegas. She can contact you if she chooses to. I know that at first she just asked you to give her space, but it seems she has since then asked you to move on with your life as she plans to do. That in itself answers all your questions. You need to move on. If it truly is just her mom coming between you all than she will realize that and want you back. Move on, enjoy life. If she knows that you are always going to wait, she will forever make you do so. Look out for number 1 and that is you, nobody else is going to. I hope that all works out for you in the end! Good luck babe and let me know how it goes. Don't give in, just move on!

<3 Leslie

I live in PA, but the ring is the least of my worries. I need to work things out with us.

I know for a fact in PA that if she broke off the engagement that ring is yours. I don't know the official language they used in the case but basically an engagement ring is not a gift it is more like a "promise" and since she broke the "promise" the ring does not belong to her. Now if you were married and got divorced thats different then the ring is hers because she went through with the "promise".

Good Luck

California not so much..

WOW what's the odds of that!! Just listen to what nkychic said and you will be fine look out for yourself!!

I live in PA, but the ring is the least of my worries. I need to work things out with us.

Unfortunately I don't think this is yours to fix now. She has made her decision and wants both of you to move on. If you get back together it will have to be on her account. It doesn't seem fair but that's how it works. You can not make someone want to be with you.

<3 Leslie

I called her names and flipped out on her a lot during the last few months because of her mom, but since the break up I have been as nice to her as I could be.

Should I ever contact her? How much time is enough to text her to see how she is doing? You think in vegas which is 3 weeks from now is a bad idea to call her to see if she wants to get a drink together?

I have to say something here, her mom does run her life as she lives under her roof. Parents make the rules pal, plain and simple. Taking your anger about her mom on her was immature and leads me to believe you're not ready to be engaged. You have said mean things to her and she took them, now she's giving them back and you don't like it? That's karma my friend.

You should have NO CONTACT with her... She asked for space, so unless you want to push her away leave her alone. You need to approach this situation very carefully, just let her go. If it's meant to be she will come back, if not, you are already going to starting to heal

Yes, calling her is a terrible idea. So is texting her to see how she is doing. If she texts you then decide if you want to answer. Why should you bother texting her asking her how she is doing first when she obviously didn't care about how you are doing. So what you were nice to her after the break up, you were mean to her during the relationship. That's the person who she remembers. A great quote "A person is not who they are the last time you talked to them but who they have been all along"

The thing is I was not mean to her the whole relationship. You have to understand what I was going through with her mom. Her mom made my life misorable and made our engagement to be a joke. I understand I handled things wrong but she knows I love her and our relationship was good except for the mother. Also why can't we talk as friends down the road? I just hate to never talk to her again. I hate for it to end like this and understand it has ended for good. I never meant to call her names and it was more of me calling her mom names to my girlfriend about her mom. Her mom has said terrible things to me to hurt me and has wrote letters to her daughter to leave me. My girlfriend said its not her mom on why she is breaking it off but because she does not think we are right for each other. Come on after 2 years and engaged?? I suffered though all of this as well was not happy with the situation but happy about our relationship.

There has to come a time where I can call her to see how she is doing, 2 years and being engaged is very serious. She as of now si very hurt and angry about the situation and so am I. She feels she is doing the right thing by leaving me. She said she feels relieved that we are not engaged because the drama as stopped. Why should I suffer if she is dealing with other personal issue like saying she is moving away??

Whatever happy times you had is over, and done with, and you will look like a fool drooling after her, when she has told you to get out of her life. I strongly suggest you do as she says, and never contact her again. We all know break ups suck, and how hard it is to not want things the way they were. We get it. Accept its over, and mourn the death of this relationship, and move foreword with your life without her. For your own good.

I was with my ex for 2 and a half years. And she ended it out of blue as well, but looking back of course you see warning signs. Tal said it correctly, those happy times you had are over. The past is the past my friend, go out have fun enjoy life. It may seem hard to imagine, but life does go on and you will feel so much better with not contacting her.

Look at some of my older posts, I was just like you with how things went down. But I created a GREAT support line on this forum because there are people going through the same thing and people who have went through it. The people on here are NOT going to tell you what you want to hear, they tell you what you NEED to hear. There will not come a time when you are to call her. If she wants to talk, believe me she will call you. Until then, just go on about your life without her

Well, I met her last Monday for a hour to talk and she seemed upset and mad about the situation, but she was kissing me and hugging me and telling me she loves me, and she still did not bring my belongings like she said she would 3 weeks ago. If you ask me she is for some reason forcing herself to be done with me. Deep inside she wants to be with me it seems from her actions but what is stopping her. That is why I am giving her time to think, she is confuesed and if she was not confused she would have brought me my stuff, so now down the road I would need to see her to get it all back. So the door is still open. She not only has the ring but all kinds of things of mine that I need back. What is oing on?? It seems she keeps saying mean things to me to hurt me and really does not mean them??

Why is she not giving my stuff back like she said she was?? Because she is confussed? And it gives her a reason to see me down the road??

No, she is playing you for a fool. It's classic head games, she is keeping you around until something else comes along. After she finds someone new you will be cast aside even farther. The stuff she has of yours, consider it a free lesson on growing up on never leave stuff of yours that you will need back. I also gave my ex a ring along with countless amounts of jewelry and such, I don't want it back even if she offered it to me. It's not worth the pain, just write it off my good man. Like my cousin told me after this all happened, never give a girla ring until the day you say "I Do"

How old are you guys?

I am 27 and she is 25. I do not understand how she is keeping me around. She does somewhat respond back when I contact her but its all remorse. She actually lives close to you in allentown, pa It like she is confussed like I said and by keeping my stuff is a reason for her to communicate with me.

She said she is going to give the stuff back and her dad which I am very close to said he will make sure she does not keep my things.

Now we are at the point where you need to demand the stuff back... I was lucky enough to get the majority of my "things" back. Which I didn't really even want, like the clothes she borrowed and everything. Looking back it was really funny because when she handed me the boxes of stuff I put them next to the trash and she asked me "Why are you putting them there" I politely said "I don't keep things that remind me of betrayel and pain." When she came over I had taken everything off the walls, all the pictures she painted and then also little notes she left on my wall had been taken down. So when she walked in she said "wow, you wasted no time in removing me" and I said "You ended it with me, I didn't ask for this so I just don't want to be reminded of you all the time" and even on that day, she asked me for a kiss. So I know what you're going through

Wow, her dad said the same thing to demand my stuff back. I hear what you are saying but I am trying to see and act on her part, meaning I understand what she is going through and I know her enough to know she is not playing games. It seems she does not want it to end but is being either forced to or does not see things with us getting better. Also we are not talking about stick figure drawings, she has the ring, brand new shoes, leather jacket, suites... and the list goes on. But that's a good one on your part! I think she is waiting to see what happens in the next coming weeks to see if she feels different and to see is without me is what she wants. If I keep bothering her she will never see how it feels to have no communication at all and that takes time maybe more then I think being the state of mind she is in at this point.

I honestly hope you can put aside your concern for her feelings, and motives, and concentrate on what it is you must do, and that is to move forward with your life, and let her do the same. She may be confused, but I seriously doubt she will change her mind.

My girlfriend broke up with me after 2 years and being engaged for 5 months. We have been broken up for 2 months today. We talk sometimes and e-mail each other. In the past until this week she was mean to me blaming me for the break up writing it to me in the e-mails and telling me on the phone, that I was mean and treated her bad. Now she is acting weird, wantng to buy me a book to help with my hurting because she is reading it and its helping her get over me. I asked her why does she care and she says she is not sure if she loves me but still cares about me. Just 2 weeks ago she said she loved me and now she does not know? I don't understand? I asked her if we could see each other and she said she does not know and said she had to go and she waould call me. What is going on here, is it that she still is very confused or what?

My girlfriend broke up with me after 2 years and being engaged for 5 months. We have been broken up for 2 months today. We talk sometimes and e-mail each other. In the past until this week she was mean to me blaming me for the break up writing it to me in the e-mails and telling me on the phone, that I was mean and treated her bad. Now she is acting weird, wantng to buy me a book to help with my hurting because she is reading it and its helping her get over me. I asked her why does she care and she says she is not sure if she loves me but still cares about me. Just 2 weeks ago she said she loved me and now she does not know? I don't understand? I asked her if we could see each other and she said she does not know and said she had to go and she waould call me. What is going on here, is it that she still is very confused or what?

She moved on dude I'm going threw the same girls don't know what they want for real

NO, it's guys who don't know what they want!

:)

Both sexes don't know what they want lol... problem solved... NEXT!


For further assistance past this trial offer. Please deposit $60.00(US Dollar) into my bank account. Thank you and have a nice day

And the account number..

Hey, I know what I want! I don't want to be accounted for all those men and women who don't know what they want.

Now, Beautiful, you are on a totally different level than those individuals... You're boyfriend is a lucky guy.

Awww how sweet. Thanks Romey!

I do not know what to do, after us being broken up for 2 months, then she starts to e-mail me and being nice and then wants to help me by buying a book to help with hurting after she broke it off. She said she is readinf it and it helps her. I asked if she loved me and she said she does no know, she said people change. I said why are you worried about me then and she said she still cares for me. She talked to me on sat and said she will call me. So I am playing the waiting game to see when she calls, or if she calls. It seems to me she is forcing her self to get over me. She seems very confused on what to do and I thing she is looking for answers from her friends and family and they say he is not for you and then you got me trying to get her back.

Hun she broke up with you and is trying to get over you. Respect her and ignore her.I think she just playing with your head and heart.just move on,close the door on that part of your life, email her and tell her not to reply or send you any more emails or calls,it's the best thing for you honestly and start afresh

You don't need her playing games with your heart and mind

Forget her it sounds like she's messing with your head. Ignore her start no contact an move on.

You don't need her messing with your head

Sooner or later, you will get tired of being confused, by a confused female, and take matters into your own hands, and cut all the contact, and put time into rebuilding, yourself and your life. Wait I misspoke, she knows you and her ain't happening.

I think she's being honest. She feels affection for you and wants to help you feel better. She doesn't have to keep saying she loves you. You are not a couple anymore and it's natural for people's feelings to diminish when they've broken up and been apart. Let her go. If you need no contact to move on and can't be friends with her, then do no contact. It sounds like she wants to be friends and you aren't ready for that.

My ex girlfriend of 2 years broke it off 2 months ago, as I state din previous post. We were engaged for 5 months. She would not return the ring back until last week when her dad sent it back to me. I told her thanks for the ring and she said good that I should have it back because its over. I can not understand why she kept it for almost 2 months then her dad has to return it back t me then she says that to me.

The whole time until these last few days she would reply to my e-mails when I would e-mail her but she was very mean and kept stating how bad I treated her and I should have thought how it might be without her then I would have treated her better. Just a few days ago I asked if she could find and return more of my things and she said yes and I was being al nice to me saing she bought me a book that she is reading to help with me and her hurting over the breakup that she did... huh? What the hell? What is she doing, trying to help me feel better about her leaving me? I am confused. I then asked to talk to her on the phone and she agreed.

I then stated that I wanted to see her to hang out as friends and she did not see yes but did not say no. She said to me "what if i said no" I then said then you say no. Soon after she said she had to go off the phone, I said when can I talk to you again and she said she does not know, I said how about tomorrow and she got frustrated and said she will call me in a mean voice. I have not talked to her since, it has been 4 days. The longest I have not talked to her is 1 week. I will not bother her until she calls me if she does. Do you think we are at a point of no return since we were engaged and now we are not and its been 2 months. What do I do with this girl?? I feel I have to push a little to get her to see me but I do not want ot push her away. She agreed to see me a few weeks ago and it was OK.

What does it take to convince you that her mind has radically changed about you, and she really wants no contact??


I can not understand why she kept it for almost 2 months then her dad has to return it back t me then she says that to me.


That would have convinced me.

She sounds like she's attempting to get whatever she can from you and when you push back she gets frustrated. The thing I get from reading your post though is this, it is over. It was over a long time ago and I don't think you wanted to accept it and that made it easier for her to take advantage of you. Now that your pushing back she is just turing the b-shield up even higher. I think you are best to not be her friend, she doesn't sound like a great one anyway.

What does it mean when your ex says to you " i do not know if i love you" We have been together 2 years and engaged and she broke it off 2 months ago. When I asked her 1 week ago she said "of course" what's happening here? I mean the 2 months we have been broken up we talked a little but she really gave no hope for us to be back together. She says she is unhappy and I trated her bad. I have not talked to her since sat and do not plan on talking to her. Do you think her feeling daminished because of me not leaving her alone meaning I am making it easier for her to get over me by contacting her and bothering her? I am doing the NC now because I do not tink she knows what she has done and I want her to miss me and its kind of hard when I keep bothering her to miss me. When will it hit her that we are done and when will she start to miss me, how can she be over me that fast or is she?

What does it mean when your ex says to you " i do not know if i love you" We have been together 2 years and engaged and she broke it off 2 months ago. When i asked her 1 week ago she said "of course" whats happening here? I mean the 2 months we have been broken up we talked a little but she really gave no hope for us to be back together. She says she is unhappy and i trated her bad. I have not talked to her since sat and do not plan on talking to her. Do you think her feeling daminished because of me not leaving her alone meaning i am making it easier for her to get over me by contacting her and bothering her? I am doing the NC now because i do not tink she knows what she has done and i want her to miss me and its kinda hard when i keep bothering her to miss me. When will it hit her that we are done and when will she start to miss me, how can she be over me that fast or is she?
Dear M;
I am 41 years old. I have been through a lot... here are my thoughts. If someone says to you that they don't know if they love you... sometimes it is a polite way to get out of a relationship while trying not to hurt you. They may like you, respect you, but you just can't force love. My suggestion would be to put it behind you, go out do things that you enjoy and give yourself some time to get over her. I promise that if you are true to yourself, you will either 1. Meet someone else or 2. Not really need anyone else and find that you are happy anyway. I know that it seems like you are at the bottom of a well... but you will find your own life and yourself esteem never lie in the hands of someone else. It will be OK... just hang in there, and time will take care of the rest! Keep your chin up!

Miller,

It is her way of slowly backing out of the relationship without trying to hurt you. When they pull back you have to pull back as well and not mention emotions even if you truly do love her. When you do it comes off like you are desperate and as Inpain stated like you are trying to force something. Women understand emotions and you can't force them, you have to just let them experience the emotions on their own.

Hey Miller,

I guess the question your asking is common amongst many people here. I know I'm one of them. When she said she's not sure if she loves u, it could mean multiple things. Either she really doesn't love u, or is confused about a few things, or has cold feet. Just give her some space. Let her work things out on her own. NC is the best way to go. But don't keep your hopes to high. If you really want her to miss u, then leave her alone. Go enjoy your life... do things that you like. I know this is easier said then done at this point in time, but wondering what she is doing, how she is feeling is not going to help. Keep yourself bz and hopefully, things will work out. If they don't with her, then I'm sure ull find someone else who will love you unconditionally. All you need is a little bit of time and faith.

As others have said it would help you a lot with the confusion at this time by stopping all contact with her whatsoever, and building your life that you enjoy, without her in it. I think your still in shock and denial, but that's normal.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2744931, for the whole story.

Ok... long story short my ex and I have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and I have treated her bad, and I should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then I would have treated her better. I really do not think I treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but I did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway I talked to her last on Saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so I said I would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " I am not giving you every weekend, I said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does not want us together but I got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and I did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has a lot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why I was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but I sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains a lot of what I wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter I was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because I am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because I think she is confused. What should I do I really love her and care but I want her to miss me and I know time will be a factor. She know I am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Shoule I call her that day if she does not call. She knows I will be there.

Ok.... long story short my ex and i have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and i have treated her bad, and i should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then i would have treated her better. I really do not think i treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but i did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway i talked to her last on saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so i said i would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " i am not giving you every weekend, i said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does nto want us together but i got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and i did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has alot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why i was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but i sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains alot of what i wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter i was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because i am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because i think she is confused. What should i do i really love her and care but i want her to miss me and i know time will be a factor. She know i am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Shoule i call her that day if she does not call. She knows i will be there.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html
^^ This will help you mend the wounds and get through day by day... Good Luck!^^

This is what's your problem... YOU'RE CLINGY.


You need to find a life of your own.. Go up there to see your friend and do not contact her...

Go three months without seeing her or talking to her and I will almost guarantee you she will try to initiate contact.. And if she doesn't at least you'll have your life back on track my friend.

*Do not talk to her even if she tries to initiate contact*

Oh my god you and I are going through the same thing. It sux.
W1sdom is right.
When my engagement ended I stop all contact with her. For two and a half months I didn't hear a thing. Then all the sudden last week she started calling. We've talked about 6 times this week about an hour each time. We haven't talked about dating or us at all. But we're Talking. I don't know if shell come back to me but "we're talking".
The best thing you can do (even though it hurts like hell) Don't call, text, email or send a homing pigeon to her. If she calls you pretend not to care. Just be the "old you" Don't whine to her, don't say you miss her, don't say you love her, don't even talk about her or the relationship. Sound happy the whole time. Talk about all the fun your having and all the adventures your going on. Keep the first conversation short and YOU get off the phone first. The mystery of why YOU got off the phone will kill her. It will eat at her and mark my words shell call again. DO NOT BRING UP ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP. She will bring it up when its time.
Women don't like whinny men. The faster and harder you chase her the further she'll run. Stop chasing her, stop whinning to her, stop everything. It will blow her away.
Good luck
Oh yah Don't you dare contact her when you go visit. She knows about your trip, she expecting you to call. NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. This is your chance. Because she expects you to call, when you Don't she'll start thinking. When she calls you (and she will) and asks why you didn't contact her just tell her you were busy. Don't apologize for it.
Anyway Good luck

Ok... long story short my ex and I have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and I have treated her bad, and I should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then I would have treated her better. I really do not think I treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but I did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway I talked to her last on Saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so I said I would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " I am not giving you every weekend, I said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does not want us together but I got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and I did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has a lot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why I was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but I sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains a lot of what I wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter I was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because I am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because I think she is confused. What should I do I really love her and care but I want her to miss me and I know time will be a factor. She know I am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Should I call her that day if she does not call. She knows I will be there. My only question is... is it too late? have i ruined any chances to have her back with the " no contact" method since for the last 2 months i have been begging and pleading with her to fix things.. and if so or not how can i tell?????

Whether its too late or not, the bes thing you can do is STOP contacting her. You're only making it worse at this point. Over the past 2 months I'm sure you've said all you can possibly say and then some, so just stop. You both need breathing room to reevaluate this relationship. Right now, you're smothering her and she doesn't seem interested at all by it. She can't miss you if you're constantly contacting her. Take some time... a lot of time.. to yourself and get over this and you will. Just stop contacting her because at this point it can only make things worse.

I think you already answered your own question.

You did not even give her a chance to miss you, and irritated her by your constant clinging.

May I suggest you write down the exact reasons of those spats you had within the last few months and try and reflect on those issues - without attempting to figure out what she was thinking - because you cannot be in her mind and should not even try to second-guess her motives. Look at the cold hard facts.

Then, write down the things that got you two together and seriously take a look at whether you two continued to work on the relationship or just went on day by day 'thinking' you could relax now and take things for granted.
Check out the threads with our No Contact advice and also the link in my signature regarding what each of us learned about breakup pain and how to help with the healing process.

I know it hurts when we lose someone we cared about for so long, but we learn from each experience how not to cling to people just because we hate to be alone and hate to be rejected. This is something we all have gone through and survived in time. Time is what you need now to help heal - and don't spend it on chasing her. Let her run and let her have time to reflect and miss you.. even if it does not bring you the wanted results. You both need this time.

Now it's time to give yourself a chance to mend, make new friends, try new things, and stop chasing.

I wish you a lot of luck and hope your healing process does not take too long. We will be here to help you on those rough times, so please keep us posted.

DO NOT contact her... it will only hurt you more right now. Regain your self-respect and strength.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE) Don't dwell on the past - look toward your future.

15 page letter? Yeah, I can see why she's heading in the other direction. Good for her.

Long distance relationship take a lot of work. She's not interested in doing that work. She'd not interested in "giving you her weekends"... does this sound remotely like someone who is head over heels in love with you?

Love means sacrifice. You're not getting sacrificial behavior from her, so this is a losing battle.

15 page letter? Seriously? So, without even reading it, I am guessing it a full discourse on how your feelings and love for her can make everything OK? Example after example hoping to "convince her" to feel something she doesn't?

It's prettly lame, when you think about it. If she loved you the way necessary, your note to her would be 1-2 pages and would involve zero convincing arguments, it would all be words of loving encouragement and adoration, something that can be said relatively quick.

Anyway, sorry for your loss. This relationship has actually ended and either you're ignoring that fact or she's soft-pedaling the whole thing to make it easier on herself. That's too bad, because either way you're in for even MORE hurt until you accept this fact and get on with your life.

That is sad. I think you should talk to her again and show her how much she means to you. Tell her "Everybody deserves a second chance"

I have told her that and at this time anything I say goes in one ear and out the other. She says she has giving me chances before, and which she did not. She is really not her self and my talking to her is not helping. She knows how I feel.

For your information I wrote the long letter to tell her what I wanted to tell her because she would not have over the phone. I had a lot I wanted to let her aware of not only how I felt and to convince her but to talk about all we have been through... so before you bring me down more then I already am know the situation. I don't like or and even care to listen and take in anything you say because I have read your post before with other people and you need to find better words to state what you want to say to the people that have issues on here. Do not even write back.

I have told her that and at this time anything i say goes in one ear and out the other. She says she has givin me chances before, and which she did not. She is really not her self and my talking to her is not helping. She knows how i feel.

Since she is not willing to give you another chance, it's time you did.

You deserve the chance to be happy. You deserve the chance to have fun.

If you two got back together now, she would still be the one who blames you for all that went wrong, complaining about everything past and present. She probably would not forgive or forget and agree to start over. So, why put yourself through that pain and heartache over and over??

The best for you would be to start anew, get over her, go through the healing process and start enjoying life again instead of pining away over someone who does not appreciate you.

So, dear, let it all out, vent, get angry, and then start your healing. We will help you all we can.

Again, good luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)P.S. She may know how you feel... but it does not seem to me that she cares. Do you really deserve this kind of treatment?

It's that she is very mad at me and what happened to us. She is at the stage with angry that I am all to blame and I have done so much bad to her and treated her bad. She is confused and her mom is in her ear all the time to leave me. I can't blame her for feeling like she does. She needs time to think and at first I did not give her time and pushed myself on her. I want to give her time now to come to me if she ever will. All I can do it wish and wait because she was good to me and showed it every day. We just ran into a lot of issues and it brought the worse out of me. I did hate the fact that she let her mom control her and that played a big part in my anger and our break up.

I'm 57 years old, have a daughter who is 33 - and I don't like the guy she is with, but love her and my grandson. She knows this and loves me for who I am. She is a very independent young lady and loves her man and baby. She manages to keep her relationship happy and her mother happy. But I know that if I complained about him about anything, she would promptly but lovingly put me in my place and let me know that her private life is none of my concern. And she would be absolutely right. I don't have to like him, I don't have to live with him - SHE does. She is happy and I am happy for her. I am a proud mother and I know my place.

What I'm conveying here is - when the right man comes along, we women don't care what Mom says or does.. But if we don't want to be with the guy anymore, then Mom as as good an excuse as any to keep him at a distance until something better comes along. It is in our control - not Mom's and not the man's. Do you see what I'm saying? She is placing you in the position to take the blame - and you are accepting this position because you have her on a pedastal.

Wake up, smell the coffee, and face the fact that you are being used. If she wanted to, she could have stopped you from getting angry over her relationship with her mother. She could have consoled you and reassured you of her loyalty and still have maintained her mother-daughter relationship. She could have spent time with her Mom and still have made the time with you 'quality' time shared with you alone and you would have had no need whatsoever to be jealous of her mother's influence.

Take it from this woman, dear - get over her and heal. Then find a woman who appreciates you and loves you the way you deserve in good times and in bad times, as long as you have quality time when you are together.

Now, get up and take that first step to healing so that you'll be ready when the right woman comes along.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE) Stop the guilt-trip already and don't make anymore lame excuses for the way you've been treated.

Well written!

well written!

Thanks dear. I just hope that it helps you to know that you are not alone and that we will help you any way we can. I promise, you will survive and that some day, you will be able to help someone else on their way in life. That's just the way life is - our experience either makes us or breaks us.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_33_13.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Yes, I speak very straightforward. I don't name call, I don't use nice frilly words and I never bother "consoling" since you can get that from real life friends. I respond clearly and thoughtfully to what YOU write. I truly want you to be happy and successful. Everyone who fully aborbs the intent of my posts knows that to be true.

It is an unfortunate technique that you employ here. You find one big thing you disagree with in my answer and respond to that rather than bothering to focus on the whole thing or even the main point. I say it is unfortunate because it means you stop listening the moment you hear something you don't like. Nitpicking individual points while ignoring the thesis is sort of wasting time, don't you think?

So, ignore away, it's not us/me that is hurt when you do that, it's just more pain for you in the long run.

So, once again, the main point you ignored (based on your post): Relationship GROWTH takes two sacrificially committed people. You make one. There is no two. She isn't vested in this the way you are, you know that and are hoping you can "change her mind". That's not going to happen, and your unhappiness over the ending of this relationship won't start to heal until AFTER you accept that and start the journey to your next one.

BTW, the next one might be THE ONE you're looking for, so I sincerely hope you don't prolong the wait too much.

Ok.... long story short my ex and i have been over for 2 months today. We were engaged and she broke it over. We were together 2 years and engaged 4 months. I have tried to work things out with her but it has gotten worse by me trying to see and talk to her. She recently said she is not sure if she loves me and keeps saying things like it will not work out and i have treated her bad, and i should have thought how it might be like without her maybe then i would have treated her better. I really do not think i treated her bad. We have had bad times these last few months of our relationship but i did not think it was worth breaking up over.

She says she was unhappy. Anyway i talked to her last on saturday and suggested we try to work things out. We live 4 hours away, so i said i would start to fly in every weekened for a few months and we could hang out as friends and see were that goes. She said " i am not giving you every weekend, i said fine you make out the details. She said she does not know. Few min later she rushed to get off the phone. I asked when can we talk again and she said she will call me in a mean voice like she was mad. Her mom does nto want us together but i got along great with her dad and other family. Her mom said she does not like me because she does not know me and i did not get to know hwe mom. I think she has alot of people in her ear on what to do and that is why i was pushing her a little. I have not talked to her since sat but i sent her a 15 page letter yesterday that explains alot of what i wanted to say to her but she never gave me a chance to say it. She new about the letter i was sending.

It seems she does not miss me or even car. I think she feels like that because i am up her but every day texting and e-mailing her and so it does not give her time to miss me and think because i think she is confused. What should i do i really love her and care but i want her to miss me and i know time will be a factor. She know i am flying up there on the 16th of this month to see a friend. Shoule i call her that day if she does not call. She knows i will be there.
Two years huh? Long time really you probably don't have near enough room on this page to fit it all in do you? Look that's a long time and engagement too! That's a lot in that period! True love or not maybe she's just a little overwhelmed. If she's got a voice in her ear and that voice is a mom with a strong daughter mother bond whom also doesn't like you wow! Moms are so biased, she will just fuel her fears. So let her go, she is a sensible adult you just got to go away for a bit and trust she will come to her senses. Because of she doesn't she just may not of been the one.

Yes, I speak very straightforward. I don't name call, I don't use nice frilly words and I never bother "consoling" since you can get that from real life friends. I respond clearly and thoughtfully to what YOU write. I truly want you to be happy and successful. Everyone who fully aborbs the intent of my posts knows that to be true.


BTW, the next one might be THE ONE you're looking for, so I sincerely hope you don't prolong the wait too much.

Dear JB.. we do know that your straightforwardness is from the heart and that you mean to help. Those in pain go through stages of hurt, denial, confusion, reaching for straws, etc. The poster is currently in the denial and self-blame stage, IMO.. but I'm sure your wise words will be remembered by him when his head is a little clearer. That's all we on this site can expect and hope for when we give our advice.

Sometimes we get ignored. Sometimes we don't even get responses back after all our efforts. But, these are few and far between the ones we do get through to, so keep up the good work.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

It will be okay. You should buy her flowers and ask her out again.

I give the worst opinions, don't listen to me.

My love hated me and she moved way