etsamo75
Jan 26, 2006, 01:51 PM
Hello, I would like to tell you about my problem and ask you for help. My story goes back to the summer of 2001 when I met my ex and only girlfriend. I was 25 years old then. I met her at the restaurant where I used to work in NYC. She is from the Czech Republic. When I saw her the first time I was attracted to her instantly; I asked her out. Eventually we became friends then a couple. I spent the most amazing three month with her till I decided to move to a different state, and so I did leaving her alone for about three month when she joined me leaving NYC. We were so happy together. We lived together for about a year and a half when I was confused about what to do. The reason for my confusion was that in my religion, which is Christianity, we believe that premarital sex which is called fornication is a sin. Religion is a big deal for me, and she did not believe in any, and she was not intending to. I was not sure if she was the person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I ended up breaking up with her and asking her to move out to somewhere else. She felt I betrayed her, so she hated me. It did not take us too long to meet again and spend some time together, as both of us were still in love. We spent about six months on undefined terms relationship in which we did everything we used to do before. She brought up the issue of marriage a few of times, but I avoided it as much as I could. I made the mistake of mixing my personal life with my work life, so I made friends of my co-workers including my boss. Some of those co-workers hated the fact that I still did not completely break up with her. She was beautiful and they hungry dogs, so they encouraged her to break up with me. On Christmas 2003 she went to NYC to visit some friends of her mother's. When she came back I noticed there was something wrong, but I thought it was the stress of the trip. Soon enough I found out that she met some guy in NYC and that she did not want tell me so I do not get hurt. I completely broke up with her by January 2004. However, although it has been 2 years now, I still cannot forget her. I still have some feelings for her. I even seek to talk to her sometimes, I did it only once though and it was 10 months later after the break up. I do not want to go back with her, but I cannot stop thinking about her. I still cannot talk to other girls because I think only about her. If I did talk to other girls, I'm not even attracted to them because of the residue of feelings I have for her. Recently I learned that she has a boyfriend who was an acquaintance of one of my co-workers and who also used to be my mechanic. That caused me a deep grief and I felt that I was betrayed by the world. Now I cannot trust anybody, I don't have a passion for anybody; I don't even want to talk to people. I feel I am all lonely. I thought about committing suicide few times, but I never seriously considered it because I know it is not a solution and I will not get defeated easily. I do not know how to end such a dilemma I am living. I am not eve sure that situation will even end some day. Please help me. :confused: