Me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost a year now. She is very loveable and a loving person. I have no problems with her except one problem.
I intend to marry her but so far I cannot see what her contribution will be financially to our relationship. We go out all the time, to lunch & Dinner and not once has she ever picked up the tab or even suggest that she picked up the tab or even offer to help pay the tab.
Even when we are home and go to the grocery to get some stuff to cook. I always pretend that I have little money with me or just enough and not once she has said if you don't have enough I have some you can use. This has never happened.

This Worries me and Scares me. She had also asked me for a very expensive Christmas gift. We have not been together for a year and she wanted a gift costing $3000 for Christmas. I don't think this will work out since I work very hard for the money I earn. Its not like I don't have enough cause I earn $220 a day but I need to know somehow what if we get married I have to pay all the bills.

Please help

Looks like she's taking advantage of you. If this doesn't get fixed now, it'll last for eternity. Does she work? Does she have money?

Either talk to her, or bail out now.

You kind of answered own question. Marriage is out of the question unless you want to pay for everything. Most women this days will offer to pay for a couple of meals here and there or at least offer to pay a portion.

Asking someone to purchase a give is poor taste. Gifts are suppose to be from the heart. Its OK to suggest items.. for an example you two are in a mall window shopping and she points an item that she likes you take a mental note of it.

I would be very cautious!

If you don't mind me asking how old are you two?

looks like she's taking advantage of you. if this doesn't get fixed now, it'll last for eternity. does she work? does she have money?

either talk to her, or bail out now.
Yes she does work so she does have money. That's what I can't understand, why she could do something like that.

You kind of answered own question. Marriage is out of the question unless you want to pay for everything. Most women this days will offer to pay for a couple of meals here and there or at least offer to pay a portion.

Asking someone to purchase a give is poor taste. Gifts are suppose to be from the heart. Its ok to suggest items..for an example you two are in a mall window shopping and she points an item that she likes you take a mental note of it.

I would be very cautious!

If you dont mind me asking how old are you two?



I am only 25 Yrs old. She is the same age as I am.

Actually be thankful you are finding this out now. Consider it a warning. I have been married for 21 years, and my wife works, however I pay every bill in the house, paid for both cars, continue to pay the car insurance, lunch money for the kids, school clothes (twice a year), mortgage, food (every month I put in $300.00 towards groceries for 5people), and what we don't have during the week I have to buy. She REFUSES to even offer any help saying she ca't afford it! The only "Bill" towards the house that she pays is the phone and DSL. Granted I make about 4 times what she makes annually but here is my problem: She decided to volunteer to babysit (for free) for a young lady who used to date her son years ago. That's cool--the problem is the fact that she has the audacity to constantly ask me for money when she needs something! Her philosophy is that the man is supposed to take of the wife! I'm sorry but if you refuse to help me and volunteer your free services to someone else, then you probably need to go on a budget if you work and still don't have any money! I wish I saw the writing on the wall back in the day as you now do. Take my advice and run as fast as you can!! Believe it or not women are more likely to spend someone else's money before they will spend their own!

Actually be thankful you are finding this out now. Consider it a warning. I have been married for 21 years, and my wife works, however I pay every bill in the house, paid for both cars, continue to pay the car insurance, lunch money for the kids, school clothes (twice a year), mortage, food (every month I put in $300.00 towards groceries for 5people), and what we don't have during the week I have to buy. She REFUSES to even offer any help saying she ca't afford it! The only "Bill" towards the house that she pays is the phone and DSL. Granted I make about 4 times what she makes annually but here is my problem: She decided to volunteer to babysit (for free) for a young lady who used to date her son years ago. That's cool--the problem is the fact that she has the audacity to constantly ask me for money when she needs something! Her philosophy is that the man is supposed to take of the wife! I'm sorry but if you refuse to help me and volunteer your free services to someone else, then you probably need to go on a budget if you work and still don't have any money! I wish I saw the writing on the wall back in the day as you now do. Take my advice and run as fast as you can!!!! Believe it or not women are more likely to spend someone else's money before they will spend their own!


Wow this sounds so much like me right now. The other thing is, her mom doesn't work and she comes from a family where the man has to do all. I try to stir up conversation most times to get what her trend of thought is on the matter without asking directly and she always fails.
Once I expressed to her that I really don't like buying people christmas presents. Then she said well she loves it and she will use my money to get persons gifts for christmas. She never understood why I got upset.
When we go out she NEVER walks with money. Once I told her that I hoped she walked with her vex money just in case she has to take the bus back home "just as a joke" and she said that she no longer walks with money when we go out. I have come to realise that she serioulsy doesn't even walk with her purse if we are going for dinner.

She is with out a doubt dead weight. She is definitely NOT marrying material. If you enjoy being with her there is not harm in it. But don't try to wife her.

Yeah clearly taking advantage

I am already sunk because I didn't see the signs, don't let it happen to you.

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost a year now. She is very loveable and a loving person. i have no problems with her except one problem.
I intend to marry her but so far i cannot see what her contribution will be financially to our relationship. We go out all the time, to lunch & Dinner and not once has she ever picked up the tab or even suggest that she picked up the tab or even offer to help pay the tab.
Even when we are home and go to the grocery to get some stuff to cook. i always pretend that i have little money with me or just enough and not once she has said if you don't have enough i have some you can use. This has never happened.

This Worries me and Scares me. She had also asked me for a very expensive Christmas gift. We have not been together for a year and she wanted a gift costing $3000 for Christmas. I don't think this will work out since i work very hard for the money i earn. Its not like i dont have enough cause i earn $220 a day but i need to know somehow what if we get married i have to pay all the bills.

Please help
At the beginning of your relationship did you act as though money was no object? Because if that's the case, she may be used to the fact that she never needed to offer to pay for anything. It sounds like she needs a reality check. Make sure you communicate this issue with her because if you don't she will continue to burn a hole through your wallet.

Seriously guys, this is why you don't TOTALLY spoil a woman in the beginning. Don't give into that princess crap. I would sit down with her and calmly and rationally talk about this.

Hey Guys, not all women are like this. When my husband and I were dating I was usually the one who paid when we went out, because I made more money. He would buy stuff when he wasn't behind on his bills, but mostly it was me. When we got married I paid for the majority of the bills in the house because I was still making more money than him. Don't lump all women together just because you've had some bad experiences.

Having said that, I do think that this girl is bad news and you should run as fast as you can. Do not look back, she might tackle you and take your wallet. Good luck finding a nice girl that isn't greedy and needy.

I am already sunk because I didn't see the signs, don't let it happen to you.


Thank you. I have been battling with this issue for the past 2 months. I will take your advice.
Cheers

Does she have a job?

Oh never mind! She does!

At the beginning of your relationship did you act as though money was no object? Because if that's the case, she may be used to the fact that she never needed to offer to pay for anything. It sounds like she needs a reality check. Make sure you communicate this issue with her because if you don't she will continue to burn a hole through your wallet.


Yes I did act that way before. But I prefer to do it that way because a woman who really cares about your money will actually say stuff like. I don't need this right now and let me pay this time no matter what. But from what I can see she doesn't care about my money and how hard I work for it. I gave her some money to go shopping. She actually came back and say that it is not enough . She needed some more to buy matching shoes

Hey Guys, not all women are like this. When my husband and I were dating I was usually the one who paid when we went out, because I made more money. He would buy stuff when he wasn't behind on his bills, but mostly it was me. When we got married I paid for the majority of the bills in the house because I was still making more money than him. Don't lump all women together just because you've had some bad experiences.

Having said that, I do think that this girl is bad news and you should run as fast as you can. Do not look back, she might tackle you and take your wallet. Good luck finding a nice girl that isn't greedy and needy.


Thank you. I agree all women are'nt that way. This is the only one I have dated who is like this.

Thank you. I have been battling with this issue for the past 2 months. I will take your advice.
Cheers

Have you asked her about paying? I went out with a guy when I was single with 3 kids and he always wanted to go out to eat which I could not afford and once we went out he always picked these high end places I could not afford. We were together about 8 months when he said something to me... he was resenting me not offering to pay all along... and I said well we have to go to lower end places and sometimes not go out at all... I can't even afford half of these places you want to go to... so we stayed in more and also went to lower priced places sometimes. Problem solved (other things broke us up :) ).

I've never been known to be cheap (in fact exactly the opposite!) but he would decide where we were going and that we were going. I really could NOT afford to eat out the way he did so I never offered to pay. He was getting resentful and we had a good talk about it.

When I met my husband I think I offered once and he would not hear of it (that was early on). He's VERY uncomfortable with anyone else paying (even if we go out with another couple he wants to pick up the tab --> something I've had to make him stop doing)... but I offered early on.

How's that Kayne West song go again Now I ain't saying she's a golddigga but she ain't messin with no broke broke.

Seems to me a budget would have been worked out before she moved in, but its not to late to have a straight, and honest conversation, about finances, and lay out the budget. Seems to me she is stashing a few bucks away, but you will never know unless you ask. You spoiled her, so unspoil this female. I can't say if she is a keeper or not, that depends on how she reacts to your reigning in of the financial responsibility. One thing to remember, be fair, as females have to shop, for themselves, and family. When my wife stopped working for the kids sake, we had less money, but we shared what was left after bills so we could at least do what we wanted, again a budget. I would say if she goes along with the program, fine, but $3000 for a christmas gift. Heck no! Christmas has its own budget. Keep that ring in your pocket, until all the details are ironed out. Next lecture, BABIES, and the stay at home mom.

My ex boyfrind was the same I paid for everything Mortgage,council tax,gas,electric,water,insurances,food,clothes,sch ool dinners,birthdays he paid for nothing my fault in a way I let it happen let this be a warning do not marry her she wants a easy life and someone to pick up the bill get shut

Every one of us is different. Different believes, cultures, etc... There are men out there that pay for everything. Let her find one that does. Clearly, you are not a match.

I'm actually that guy who pays for everything. However, I'd like it if the girl at least offered to pay every now and then...

I think on this forum everyone always says leave them and the person is always in the wrong and you deserve better etc.. But I feel personally us Americans esp give up way to easy... I think you can try communicating with her about how you feel about finances and talk about your future.. and then take your answer from that! Maybe she is just use to a man doing for her.. not necessarily taking advantage! Come on people give people a chance... We are not born into knowing how to handle a relationship.. it takes some good communication and building. But since in this post your stateing you don't think its going to work out.. those scream out that yes its prob over.

I think on this forum everyone always says leave them and the person is always in the wrong and u deserve better etc.. but I feel personally us Americans esp give up way to easy... I think you can try communicating with her about how you feel about finances and talk about ur future.. and then take ur answer from that! Maybe she is just use to a man doing for her.. not necessarily taking advantage!! Come on people give people a chance... We are not born into knowing how to handle a relationship.. it takes some good communication and building. But since in this post your stateing u dont think its going to work out.. those scream out that yes its prob over.


I Really don't mind speaking to her about it but what I am scared is going to happen is that she will change for a while and when I get the ring on her finger and she settles into a comfort zone it will all re-appear slowly but surely. I have tried in many ways to get my answer and she fails me every time. No matter how I test her she always fails

Don't put the ring on her finger until you are absolutely one hundred percent sure that you want to marry her. I don't think you're ready for marriage. If you really wanted to marry this girl then you wouldn't be asking if you should. When the time comes you will know.
We only know what you've told us and from what you said she is a spoiled little princess in search of her rich prince, you either accept her as she is (because she isn't going to change) or you move on and find the person you were meant to be with.

If you have to test someone to see if they will fail you then you don't have a relationship to begin with. Stop testing her and let her go, she'll eventually find the poor sap that will give into her every whim, it doesn't have to be you.

Like I said before. Run!

IF you have already tried fair game.. all u can do is try.. time to RUN!