I need help. I have a lot of stuff going on. We are separated and have 3 kids. I asked that the kids remain with me at the house so that they can have some normalcy/routine to go to school. He can pick them up after school and spend time with them in the afternoon/evening. Then drop them off back to me to go to bed. He can have them to stay by him every other weekend. He would not agree to this and wants the kids to spend half the week with me and the other half with him. If He also told me that he does not want to pay child support and if he has them for half the time... he won't. Can he do this? If I agree to this half/half situation, am I giving up the rights to my children and probably be losing them to him?

Right now we do whatever he says. And I don't have a choice. He has me right under his thumb. See he has charges pending against me. And I am in wait mode to see if they will be filed. He said that I tried to kill him (which I did not). I was trying to park my car in the garage and he tried to prevent me from doing so by pulling things in my way. I had to get out the car to move the items and slowly ease my way in the garage. Well upon me easing in the garage, he was in front of me. As he moved more in the garage I would ease up. But he then started walking back towards me and then the car touched him. He then called the police and said that I tried to run him over with the car. So now I may be facing felony charges because the car hit him. He did not fall or touched the wall of the garage or anything. I had NO intention of hitting him with the car or anything else and I definetely didn't have any intentions on killing him. I can't believe he would say that. He says that I have to pay for my actions and face the consequences. If I go to jail for 20 years.. he don't care. I deserve it for bringing harm to him. I have never had any run in with the law and am very scared.

His mother and sister tell me that I should just ignore him, and that the kids belong with me... he is very irresponsible. I have been paying all the bills of the home and childcare expenses. But the problem is we know this, but the court... do they know that? Would they give kids to a parent that do not pay their debt and account is always in the negative? Who spends money wildly and carefree and never pay any bills?

He has me wrapped around his little finger. He is saying and threatening me to do whatever he wants in fear of him cooperating with the prosecutor's office and giving me visitation rights with the kids.

This seems so unfair that he is now professing to be superdad but for the past 3 years, he has probably help paid one or two mortgage payments. And I have been covering all of the childcare and house expenses while he was out cheating. I was the one begging him to come home and leave the other woman. I was the one holding the children and comforting them when their dad would say he would call or come by and won't and when he chose not to come back home and stay with her.

He finally came home after things went bad with him financially (as usual). I covered his debt and now this is the thanks I get.

What can I do to not allow him to control me like this? Is my chances with the kids totally over? Any help or analysis on my situation will help. If I am a terrible person and like my husband says, deserve what I get, please voice it to me. I'm just looking for a second view on my situation (besides family). I need to know what LEGALLY I can do and cant. Give it to me straight. My kids are my life. That's all I know and the fact that he is stripping them from me is a killer. Is there anything I can do. (I already have a lawyer... they say I need to be patient and just cooperate with him). I'm open and welcome your thoughts.

Sorry you have to go through this, but your kids being in school, and having a normal routine, is what's important, and using them in a power struggle is not right. I assume your lawyers are criminal, and the one to consult is a good divorce attorney. Once those wheels start turning, he will have little choice, but to comply. His charges which he hasn't filed may be bogus, if there were no police, or witnesses, its his word against yours and no way you do 20 years. Sooner or later, you'll stop kissing his butt, and going along with him, and now is a good a time as any. Consult a divorce lawyer.

WOW you have a lot of posts going on this board. Do you have a lawyer yet ? Is your divorce started ? At what point are you in the divorce ?

I do have a lawyer. Right now we are separated in different homes... due to the pending charges. We have not started the divorce process as yet. My lawyer thinks its best to get the criminal charge out of the way 1st.

I know I have a lot of post on here... its just that I need all the advice I can get. I can't live without my children. They are my world and I need to know that I am doing whatever it takes and making the right moves in order for them to live with me. I don't want to hinder their relationship with their dad. And I will NEVER keep them away from their father. He loves them and they love him. Its just that I would like their primary residence to be with me. I don't mind if he has them every other weekend and picks them up from school and spends time with him during the week. But as far as waking up for school each morning. They have a routine with me... and I miss it. I feel like something in my life is missing. I miss my children when they are half of the week by him. It seems like those three days just go by so fast.

He is not a responsible person. He does not make good decisions. He has placed this family in jeapody financially and up to this day does not give me money to help with ANYTHING regarding the home or the kids.

However, he just called me today and asked me out of the blue how much do I want for child care expenses. How much should he give me? He wants to come to an understanding have it written down. You know what... I am not ready for that... I need this case dropped and then if he wants to go through that... we can start the divorce.

Your right to not sign any agreement at this time, as there is too much hanging over your head. Don't be bullied into something that you may regret, so it's a good idea, to let this go through the court process. You seem to be standing well on your own two feet, so I hope that continues. That he is willing to bear some financial responsibility is good, but the ideal situation would be, if you both work together, for the sake of your children, and spare them as much trauma as possible.

I think you should keep the kids with you I know what it is like 4 kids on my own.
Think the reason he is doing this is so he does not need to pay child support the children need stability and they will not get that being pushed from pillar to post.
I would consult a lawyer if he stillnot willing to [play ball

Do not sign anything or agree to anything. Get the criminal charges out of the way (I assume your attorneys are going to file a motion to dismiss) and then get a good divorce lawyer. Work EVERYTHING through your lawyers.

You have a lawyer and you are paying that lawyer. That lawyer should be the one you ask questions of. If you want to get a confirmation of what your lawyer has told you that's fine, but you should speak with the lawyer first.

There is no way we can tell you what will happen here. That's up to a judge. However, if one parent lives within their school district and the other parent doesn't, then a half and half split is highly unlikely. The court will want to ensure continuity for the kids. So, unless he can get them to the same school, half and half isn't going to happen. But that doesn't mean he won't get full custody.

I'm sure your lawyer is advising you to document everything. If you can prove to the court what you are saying (and the court will listen), then I doubt if he is going to have his way. The very fact that he would propose such a half and half setup shows to me he does not have the kids best interests at heart. Your offer is much more reasonable.

You might run this by your lawyer but if your bearing the full brunt of child care expenses because of your job and the children need child care during the day you might have your reciepts with you and ask for 1/2 of the child care only expenses and also any child related medical expenses. If he agrees to paying 1/2 of those then you don't have to fight about it later. Some courts and Calif is one of them have a expiration time on how long you can go without asking that those expenses get paid. If you don't ask within the time limit your no longer entitled to collect.
Again run anything said by me by your lawyer he's far more knowledgeable then me about law and how it applies to your case.

I agree with all those that said to speak to your lawyer before doing anything.

So - he asked to pay child care expenses... pull you receipts together, or get a statement from your provider and put it in writing (preferably through your lawyer) that he pay 1/2 of the expense. You both should sign that agreement.

Then keep VERY accurate records, work with your provider to keep track of how much they receive from who... and keep those for court. If he's one to not pay his bills, then he will miss paying that expense as well, and that will work in your favor when it comes time for divorce/custody court.

I'm confused regarding the criminal charges. If he called the police and filed a report, were you charged formally and arrested? If not, if I'm correct, he can't come back later and say "I want her charged with attempted murder from when she almost ran me down 6 months ago". If there are charges that you have to answer to, I know the court takes time to hear / try cases.

In the meantime, gather information about your marriage, things that happened, dates, people that have 1st hand knowledge of events. Financial records - you state that you have been paying all the bills. Did you have separate accounts? If not, show the records of his deposits and withdrawals on your joint account as well as your own. You will have a lot of information to gather to provide proof of your claims. Get it all in order so you aren't scrambling to get it all at the last minute.

Keep record of when he's been taking the kids, when he picks them up, drops them off, when he's been late or doesn't show up, phone calls he makes to the kids, etc.

Document EVERYTHING.

Keep your chin up... be strong... you CAN survive this!

He had me arrested and said that he wanted to press charges. After his family talked to him and asked him to drop the charges. He went to do it... but they said that it was passed the 24 hours. And he couldn't. So the state took it over. But they have not officially charged me. Its pending for them to file if they are going to move forward or just to drop the case all together.

I really hope that they drop it. I never had a criminal case before and if you know me, its really not me. I am trying to keep hope up. Believe me when I say my heart beats today only because of those children that God has blessed me with. I have to do whatever it takes to make sure that I am there for them and for them to know it.