NC is a big topic on this board, and the main question is usually will it bring my ex back? The answer to that is Don't do it to bring your ex back. Do it because it helps your healing process. Sometimes a by product of NC is sparking curiosity in the other person. The take away is do it for yourself.

I was dumped after 2 years because she didn't think it was going to work out. I never initiated contacted, that meant no text, no emails, no phone calls. No Contact what so ever. It's hard to do because you think there's hope and you can talk your way back into it. If you are able to talk your way through it, ask yourself if that's what you want. You convinced that person to come back, that person didn't come back on their own.

She initiated contact, text, ims. I ignored them. This lead to occasional phone calls after 2 months. I did not answer. Again, its hard to do, and it will get you thinking and hoping what it might turn into. I felt bad and wanted to set things straight. I picked up and talked. That led to meeting, and she found that she missed me and wanted to work things out. We are now together and things are good and not so good in a way. Its good because she made the decision to come back and its what she wants. The bad, is the questions and doubts of what happpened during that time. It's something that I still work on. Its getting better. This might not be an issue for others, but it may come up. Also, coming from the dumpee side, you do have a memory that this person hurt you enormously. Question is: YOu can forgive, but can you forget?

NC did help, because she was curious in how I was doing, it allowed reality to set in for her. She wanted me out of her life, she got it. If you still make contact, you're not giving what they asked for and you become a nag. They will see if its really what they want. Others will also say that it hurts some of their ego, that you are just fine with out them. Again, don't do NC to play mind games. I didn't do it for that reason. I really needed it to move on, and for me to heal. Initiating contact would only hold me back.

NC helped, sharing my situation on this board helped, talking to friends helped. Knowing that I was not alone, and that horrible feeling was felt by others, and these same people healed and moved on. We are going to get hurt, not just once, but many times. Feelings never stick around forever. Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's a lot of great and helpful people on here.

Just... beautiful.

Yeah, that's awesome! I'd like to see someone doubt NC now!

God I was such a doubter of NC.

My initial reaction to tal saying "go NC" was... "who's this guy? what's his problem?"

I thought... "how am I ever going to get her back if I DON'T talk to her?!?"

... then... a month into it, I realized... it's not about getting her back... it's about getting ME back. And once I got myself back, I realized... I don't want her back.

god I was such a doubter of NC.

My initial reaction to tal saying "go NC" was..."who's this guy? what's his problem?"

I thought..."how am I ever going to get her back if I DON'T talk to her?!?"

...then...a month into it, I realized...it's not about getting her back...it's about getting ME back. and once I got myself back, I realized...I don't want her back.

Same here... everyone comes to the relationship section of this forum looking for the same answer, the "magic potent" (as Tal would put it) to get their ex back. And what they get is an even better answer, it just takes a little bit to sink in.

Its been 3 weeks since I've seen my ex 5 days on NC. I realize I'm very happy being alone. I let go myself from her. But I still miss her, still have thoughts about her, still have dreams about her even last night I had one... part of me still wants her to come back to me on her own... sometimes I don't mind this waiting feeling but when will it end?? What you guys think give it another month>?

Really depends on the person... how long you two have been together... etc.

For example, there are people on this conf that have been together for 2 years, and have taken 8 months of NC to get out of it.

I was with mine for 3 years. Took me 2 months.

Needofhelp, Did you tell her you were walking away or did you just do it ?

Beautiful post. A great addition to the world of shall-I-try-NC? Thank you for your honesty!

Here's wishing you many happy tomorrows!

Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's alot of great and helpful people on here.

GREAT POST!!! :D Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. NC is the way to go for YOU.

Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's alot of great and helpful people on here.

GREAT POST!!! :D Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. NC is the way to go for YOU.

Great post needofhelp.

Friend4u178: is that an original quote? "there's only 1 thing more painful...."

It's a great quote

Friend4u178: is that an original quote? "there's only 1 thing more painful...."

It's a great quote

Hi Susan
It's something I heard years ago , can't remember exactly where , so unfortunately I can't claim it as my own. But yeah I think it's an awesome quote.

Hi Susan
It's something I heard years ago , can't remember exactly where , so unfortunately I can't claim it as my own. But yeah I think it's an awesome quote.

Thanks for answering! I looked it up and it's Archibald MacLeish an American poet and critic. I looked it up on Thinkexist.com

It's a GREAT quote. Thanks for replying!

Thanks for answering! I looked it up and it's Archibald MacLeish an American poet and critic. I looked it up on Thinkexist.com

It's a GREAT quote. Thanks for replying!

Thanks for looking that up , I will add it to my signature , I think he deserves the accolade :-)

its been 3 weeks since ive seen my ex 5 days on NC. i realize im very happy being alone. i let go myself from her. but i still miss her, still have thoughts about her, still have dreams about her even last night i had one.....part of me still wants her to come back to me on her own... sometimes i dont mind this waiting feeling but when will it end???? what u guys think give it another month>??

What are you waiting for, the feelings to go away. Why waste time my friend, there is a big world out there to explore.

Question is: YOu can forgive, but can you forget?


You are correct, but if your willing to work together, to solve your problems to the benefit of both of you, you have a chance.

Hey!
Great post! I've recently gone NC with my ex. She has tormented me with sporadic text messages. When I saw that red LED blinking on my phone, I got hopeful, maybe thinking that she wants to give things another try. If you'll read my previous posts, I talked about how the relationship died when she abruptly stopped calling and seeing me on a regular basis. I put my guard up, suspecting another man in the picture, so I went cold on her as well. After a brief resurgence between Christmas and Thanksgiving, it looked as though things were on the up and up but she was still behaving detached and erratic-exuding guilt that she could not express verbally. I went NC again, and three weeks after Christmas, here's a text message from her. The long and short of it is, I responded to one of her texts around Valentine's Day, when she asked me if I was getting her anything. I responded bluntly, "You're seeing somebody else. Why should I?" A week later she responds, I could tell that she was upset that I knew, because she named off two people from her workplace who are known blabbermouths and that she doesn't like very much. Point is, I'll never go to where she works, even if by some fluke Bermuda freezes over. I just knew that she was seeing somebody else because the writing was on the wall. Anyway, I did not respond, but the message made me sick to my stomach. I totally switched off my cell phone and vowed not to reactivate it until March 5-two weeks. That way, I can get into NC with a vengeance and hopefully start healing, without glancing at my phone every 5 minutes with the hope that she wants to come back. If she comes back, fine. If not, who needs her. In two weeks I'll be in better shape because I can focus on me instead of getting her text messages and having my emotions racked again. Jason

Needofhelp, Did you tell her you were walking away or did you just do it ?

I had class with her, so we did have face to face contact. Sometimes we would talk, small talk to keep things 'pleasant'. Other than that, I just did it.

It was hard to have lost her, but for my own self respect, I did not contact her. Why should I go begging to talk or hear from her?

You are correct, but if your willing to work together, to solve your problems to the benefit of both of you, you have a chance.

Talaniman, thanks for making that clear. It's a process and it takes effort on working through things, which is true for a relationship that didn't experience a break up.

Personally, I am faced with looking forward and not looking back at what happened. Naturally, we look back at previous experience and try to predict what will happen in the future. This may not be the best thing, because I would holding the relationship from growing.

The point is, if you do get back with your ex, can you really let things develop without letting the past stop you. If you can't then it's not fair for either of you. Its too soon or it may not work out.

I went NC again, and three weeks after Christmas, here's a text message from her. The long and short of it is, I responded to one of her texts around Valentine's Day, when she asked me if I was getting her anything. I responded bluntly, "You're seeing somebody else. Why should I?" A week later she responds, I could tell that she was upset that I knew, because she named off two people from her workplace who are known blabbermouths and that she doesn't like very much. Point is, I'll never go to where she works, even if by some fluke Bermuda freezes over. I just knew that she was seeing somebody else because the writing was on the wall. Anyways, I did not respond, but the message made me sick to my stomach.

Sometimes the person leaving has a difficult time and has as I would call it withdrawals. You are out of their life because that's what they wanted, but now that you are, they still want that support from you. Don't be that life boat for them, they jumped shipped, sometimes to another person's, but they aren't sure if that's right for them. No one needs to be competition for another person's love, if they don't recognize how great you are or appreciate you, that's their lost. You will be with someone who does.

Hey!
Now I am even more sick to my stomach-I think I've lost my appetite for the rest of the day. Several hours ago I found out my ex now has a Facebook page and there's no telling what's on that. Is it irrational for me to react this way just because she's on Facebook? Crazy I know, but I've heard horror stories about that place. There's probably pictures of her new boyfriend on there. In private their probably doing everything but burn down the house. I'm steering clear of that site too! It just tears my heart out that I've known her for well over 10 years now, we've had a child together, we both faced the grief of losing that same child, and she just loses interest. I've found myself on the verge of tears several times this week but I'll just keep the tears in check until I get home and preserve my dignity. I'm a man, I shouldn't be crying-but now it's suddenly hitting home. Regardless, she's out of my life and I'm out of hers. I'm glad your story ended on a happy note and I wish you well... take care. Jason

I feel your pain Jason, but I've read your posts from the beginning, and know she has cause you enough pain to be angry. So far she has been the one controlling this break up, because you have failed to see her flaws, and bad decisions and have taken them on as yours. Its not my friend, your fault she made bad decisions, and it cost your security and happiness. Hurt and guilt are hard to shake, but by looking at the very bad she has done to you, you will get a clearer, more realistic picture, and should be celebrating your freedom from her. She has done wrong, so don't compound it by letting her off the hook, cry if you must, but also acknowledge the anger you have turned on yourself, and be proactive in your new freedom, by forgiving yourself, and getting a life you enjoy, without her in it. Be patient with yourself as you have lost much, and its not easy to rebuild, but you will do this for yourself, because you love yourself, more than you love her. Make sense?

Glad it all worked out for you hun. Wonderful. Enjoy your life with her. Talk to her discuss your doubts and worries. Communications is key in a relationship. With it and trust you don't really have anything.

NC was great for me too... he eventually contacted me and then I did NC again then the second time I responded I didn't want to make this one big old game.. I had time to realize this is DEF what I wanted and its what he wanted it let reality set in for him as to what its like without me.. were fine now and we are working on our small issues and from there we have plans on a marriage.

I broke up with mine ran back 2days begging, she ran away like I was the plague, said she loves me but needs time to figure out her life.

I tried desperatley for a week or so to get things straight.

Im on nc simply because I know I cannot do anything to get her back, but believe me if there was something I could say or do I would. But when the balls in their court you can't do anything.

SO 2weeks and NC. Well see. I feel like crap. But it's the only option

I broke up with mine ran back 2days begging, she ran away like I was the plague, said she loves me but needs time to figure out her life.

I tried desperatley for a week or so to get things straight.

Im on nc simply because I know I cannot do anything to get her back, but beleive me if there was something I could say or do I would. But when the balls in their court you can't do anything.

SO 2weeks and NC. well see. I feel like crap. But its the only option

Although needofhelp's story has a happy ending that most of us want and she came back... the chances of this happening to you or I or most other people on this site is usually very very slim... However, NC is the best way to heal and get your life back!

I agree. HOw I feel and the reality of the situation are sadly different.

I agree. HOw I feel and the reality of the situation are sadly different.

Its been about 2 months of NC with me and I still kind of hope she changes her mind... yet, if she did, I'm not sure if I would want her... strange... lol

Its been about 2 months of NC with me and i still kind of hope she changes her mind... yet, if she did, im not sure if i would want her... strange... lol

And that's exactly what NC does for you , you start to heal and realise the truths of the relationship , instead of being stuck on the "False Hope Highway". It leads nowhere.

And thats exactly what NC does for you , you start to heal and realise the truths of the relationship , instead of being stuck on the "False Hope Highway". It leads nowhere.

Well, if I was making my decision based on the relationship, I would probably take her back... but when I think about how she was emotionally cheating on me and then lied to my face about it... mmm, no...

Well, if i was making my decision based on the relationship, i would probably take her back... but when i think about how she was emotionally cheating on me and then lied to my face about it... mmm, no...

The fact she was emotionally cheating and lying to you is the Truth of the relationship , if they can do it once there is always the possibility they'll do it again.

Do you know why she "lied" to your face? Just curious. Like her reasons for doing it?

Do you know why she "lied" to your face? Just curious. Like her reasons for doing it?

She gave me the whole "im confused" story, said that she wasn't sure if she ever loved me at all if she was having feelings for someone else. She told me all this on a specific date.. I was an idiot, snooped around on her Facebook, and found out that she had told some guy that she had a great time with him, this was BEFORE she broke up with me. And she wouldn't admit that she was breaking up with me for someone else, when I confronted her about this guy she said that she "wasn't ready" to love me... anyway, a month later she's told the new guy that she loves him and cannot wait till they're married. (what an idiot, right?) so yeah, cheater/liar, even if the cheating wasn't anything physical, which I do believe her about.

However, the day before she left to go back to school, she kissed me, and then we made out a little... and this was after she told the new guy she loved him and whatnot. So yeah, more proof that she's a cheater. Does he know? Probably not. Will he find out eventually? As bad as it sounds, I hope so.

Yeah that's pretty tough, but at least you know where you stand :)

I found this article and it really might be of use with those fighting themselves.
What NOT To Do To Feel Good About Yourself - 10 Tips (http://ezinearticles.com/?What-NOT-To-Do-To-Feel-Good-About-Yourself---10-Tips&id=26808)

Its nice.

Yo brother, move on man... I'm in the same situation... of 4 years... and within 3 weeks she got together with someone else..

I know they say move on but its hard when your heart and thoughts are with that girl. Going from saying you love them every morning an night to nothing at all it is hard trust me I'm tryn to deal with it now:(

It is always hard at first, but in the end you need to realize this girl DOES NOT have your heart... it just ain't reality. You have EVERYTHING you need, you just have to try and not let the emotional state you are in control your actions. The number one thing, BY FAR people fear after a break up is no longer having control of a situation they were comfortable in. Embrace that fear and just know things work out for the better, even if they get worse beforehand. Don't act like this girl has your heart and soul, because she doesn't. You are still alive as you are typing on this website. Guess what, life will keep coming at you, over and over again. It is up to you to realize that you have a choice to get off your A$$ and embrace this, or wallow in fear and sadness. It is all right to do it for awhile, but I promise you that it gets better and I also know you can do it. It will be a LONG drawn out process believe me, as I am in month 2 of the break up phase. When you are ready to open your eyes and accept the incredible things life will bring to you (and also that you will bring to yourself), it is then that you become someone different. Someone stronger, healthier, happier and above all determined. Good luck!

Do any of these symptoms sound familiar? Can't sleep, can't eat, can't focus! Broke up with my girl friend of about a year and a half. Its been about 3 1/2 weeks now. Have had minimal contact, due to having to pick up belongings and what not. She gave me the old "we can be friends" line. As much as I would love to take that offer just to stay close, I know I can't do it. Started N/C and about 5 days into it she called... after about 2 hours I called back (wish I didn't). She said she just want to see how I was doing and what not. Drop by her house the next day to pick up, and drop off some stuff. I was very quick about it, even though deep down I wanted to stay forever lol.

Guess my question is... Since then( 2 days ago) I have had no contact what so ever, what do I do if she calls again? Answer and be cool, wait a awhile then call back, or ignore the call all together? I do want her back, and I do have hope (though its little), that we will get back together. How long do I ignore her if that's the case?