Imagine you met a 21yr old girl you started to like. After a few weeks she tells you she's a virgin, then she tells you she got raped (while she got drugged) a few years ago and this is partly the reason why she haven't had sex yet. How would you react to this? And in what ways would you think different about her than before?

And do you think a girl can be a virgin even if she got raped?

One more question, is virginity a turn-on for most guys?

Technically, (and I mean this in TECHNICAL terms)... a virgin is someone who has not yet had sexual intercourse. Unfortunately, she has had sexual intercourse. So this makes her NOT a virgin. Some people will translate virginity as the girls' choice to lose... so it's really up to the person that defines it.

virginity is... a bit of a turn on for me because I feel like she's been waiting for "the one" and that makes her... somewhat pure, innocent, and strong-willed. I like that.

I wouldn't look at her/think of her differently as being a rape victim, she's just that... a victim. She had no say in how she had sex the first time. I would feel terrible for her, but other than that, I wouldn't look at her any differently.

No you are not a virgin. If you were, then you wouldn't have had any sexual intercourse, raped or not.

I am so sorry about the incident. I hope this hasn't made you afraid of sex because it is a wonderful experience, when someone loves you and vice versa.

Honestly I don't think the guy would mind. Explain to him.

I have heard that guys find it so hot if women are virgins because they are innocent and hadn't been touched.

Nope, not a virgin... but consider the fact it wasn't by choice and don't think any less of her for it. Or for yourself it it was you.

Personally is it a turn on? For me its not a turn on... but it is a sign of great character.

Thanks for replying!

First the to the girl, it is the fact she has never chosen to have sex. Physcially she is not a virgin, but it should not be a difference one way or another to a guy if he likes her.

I got to say its cool so many dudes on here think so highly of virginity but a lot of the dudes I know really would perfer someone more experienced. They say they like being with a girl who's a little more knowledgeable about the bedroom

Keep is simple, a virgin is a female with an intact hymen.

Most healthy adult men prefer women who are sexually experienced... think of it like this, if you were going dancing, would you want a partner who knew nothing about dance? :)

Keep is simple, a virgin is a female with an intact hymen.

Most healthy adult men prefer women who are sexually experienced....think of it like this, if you were going dancing, would you want a partner who knew nothing about dance? :)

Personally I wouldn't mind.

Secondly, the hymen can be lost without sexual intercourse.

... so... what... what?

You said a virgin is a female with an intact hymen. There are also virgins WITHOUT an intact hymen. The hymen is not an indicator of virginity.

Yes it is. By definition.

Definition from... where?

A virgin is someone who has not yet had sexual intercourse. Where does it say anything about the hymen being broken?

If a girl has sex, yet her hymen doesn't break... then is she still a virgin?

I have to take chouxs' side on this one. That is the technical definition. For physical purposes. But unless she has actually had intercourse I would say she's a virgin in spirit.

... virgin in spirit? So you're saying that a woman who has had sex 3 - 4 times yet still has her hymen intact is a virgin (in spirit?)

This is a debatable argument, and has been for countless years. However, medically speaking, the hymen is NOT an indicator of virginity.

Does this mean that women without an intact hymen aren't virgins? There are virgins that have broken their hymen due to the use of tampons and masturbation.

"Virgin" is a meaningless term to women living in first world countries... it is a term for ferocious debate in religious circles by MEN. Overly religious men seem to have great interest in the condition of women's *virginity*. LOL!

Either a woman has a hymen or she doesn't. *A woman with a hymen has proof that she was never penetrated by a penis... she is a virgin*

VIRGIN IS JUST A LOT OF MALE SEXIST TALK USED TO CLASSIFY WOMEN. REAL WOMEN REJECT THIS KIND OF NONSENSE IN 2008!!

I think the reason we reject it is because not many of us are nowadays. As we can see with all the unwed mothers and fathers out there. Put simply, a woman's virginity, or lack of it, should not be an issue, especially if you truly care about the person. I would be more worried about psychological damage from the rape than I be her being a virgin. And, just for you information, in spirit was JUST referring to someone in HER situation, not every woman. If you aren't going to take the posts seriously, then I suggest you go somewhere else to ask for your advice. We give whole-hearted advise that tries to help people, not start arguments.

If losing your virginity means losing your hymen, then I lost my virginity to my bike when I was 6.

I give advice to help people as well... but in the end, I come here to answer questions, not to make people feel better. Sometimes, my answers make them feel better, and sometimes they don't.

I agree with hollylovesbrandon that she may be a virgin "in spirit" because it was not her choice to have sex with the rapist. However, the question was just "is she a virgin"... and in this case, my answer would have to be... unfortunately, no. she is not.

I agree with synnen on this one that the hymen means nothing when it comes to virginity.

I disagree with choux that this is a "sexist" ideal... yes, it may have started that way, to classify women being chaste and pure, but in the current time we live in, virginity spans both ways... men and women.

Also, many women still consider their virginity a symbol of their own identity and their own purity. It's as important to some women as it is to some men.

*A woman with a hymen has proof that she was never penetrated by a penis... she is a virgin*

Not true. Sometimes the hymen gets stretched and isn't broken, even if she has been penetrated by a penis.

I wonder what caused humans to evolve hymens. Do they have a function? Seems like society makes a great deal more out of it than that little bit of tissue deserves. Maybe we ought to think of them more like we think of uvulas.

Is the male equivalent the foreskin? That's a pretty unpopular bit of tissue, as well.

I wonder what caused humans to evolve hymens. Do they have a function? Seems like society makes a great deal more out of it than that little bit of tissue deserves. Maybe we ought to think of them more like we think of uvulas.

Is the male equivalent the foreskin? That's a pretty unpopular bit of tissue, as well.

I think its more of a vestigial thing... some animals have theirs close over when they aren't in heat. I guess to keep out debris. Who knows, that was never my course of study.

To me virgin is not a meaningless term. I'm very proud to be a virgin and it has meaning to me. A lot of people I know respect me for it. Some even wish that they had the will power that I do. And if it is a term that "classifies" then fine. Put me in a group! I would love to join!

In response to the question... I wouldn't think of her any different. I would say that no she is not really a virgin but I can see that she wouldn't count that as having sex. I wouldn't call it sex either. I would call it the highest form of disrespect of a woman's body.

Call me wonder woman. Call me dumb. Call me crazy. Call me nerd. Call me cool. Call me chicken. Call me loser. Call me virgin. Call me anything you want. Just DON'T call me for sex until you call me your WIFE. I WILL WHEN I DO!

Hmmm, you know, it never occurs to me to ask if a _guy_ I'm dating is a virgin or not. Interesting question as to why it is such a big deal in our society that women be virgins, while men may "sow their wild oats." I guess it's just another way of putting women in their place... society expects us to be desirable, and yet we'd better tread that line well between being desirable (and then "deserving to be raped" because of how we dressed/acted) and being virginal.
I was raped as a virgin, so all these hang-ups affected me and still do. But it has given me new insight into how women are marginalized in our society.
If I'm interested in a guy, I won't care if he is inexperienced or not, whether I'm "the first" (we women are actually never socialized to see this as being something big, as it is for men who "deflower" a woman), or not.

What was that line from a move " Of course I am a virgin, why do you guys always ask that each time"

To answer the questions:


How would you react to this?

I would feel sympathy for her, but I would probably try to be a little more sure of my feelings for her... she might be handing me a line.


And in what ways would you think different about her than before?

The virgin/no virgin issue is no big deal. I talked to a friend and she pointed out that she considered a woman's virginity the best thing a woman has to offer a man. Most women are darn careful who they give it to... or at least they used to be.


And do you think a girl can be a virgin even if she got raped?

As far as I'm concerned, although technically inaccurate, the person is still a virgin. She hasn't willingly given anything and if you were drugged, you probably don't even remember it.


One more question, is virginity a turn-on for most guys?

It is like the cartoon where the devil is talking into one ear and an angel is talking in the other. The notion of being the recipient of that gift I mentioned is appealing, but it bears an awful lot of responsibility. We always remembers our first time. There is some pressure (responsibility?) to do it right. On the flip side, I always had more fun with women who knew more than I did about sex.

Imagine you met a 21yr old girl you started to like. After a few weeks she tells you she's a virgin, then she tells you she got raped (while she got drugged) a few years ago and this is partly the reason why she haven't had sex yet. How would you react to this? And in what ways would you think different about her than before?

And do you think a girl can be a virgin even if she got raped?

One more question, is virginity a turn-on for most guys?
I believe that she wouldn't be a virgin, hard to say because she was raped. But still, she has had sexual intercourse. I am a virgin myself, but if I were to, I'd rather have sex with a virgin! Maybe because they don't have any experience too, so we are both on the same level.

I actually dated a couple women that were victims of rape... one was a virgin before that event. My thoughts?

No she obviously wasn't a virgin, I knew it, she knew it, but in the grand scheme of things it really didn't matter because she was who she was, and she was honest about it.

I've known virgins that were so self important and so stuck up I really didn't want to touch them, And I've known women that obviously weren't that were the most open genuine people I knew. They were far more appealing at every level.

I didn't marry them over unrelated issues that came up, but their state of virginity or not had zero to do with their appeal. That was 100% personality.

Imagine you met a 21yr old girl you started to like. After a few weeks she tells you she's a virgin, then she tells you she got raped (while she got drugged) a few years ago and this is partly the reason why she haven't had sex yet. How would you react to this? And in what ways would you think different about her than before?

And do you think a girl can be a virgin even if she got raped?

One more question, is virginity a turn-on for most guys?
No she's not a virgin. Sorry about her circumstances that is hard to deal with but I think what she is telling you is that she has never made love to anyone. Virginity is over rated espcially for the women. My first time was uncomfortable and awkward and I was glad to get rid of it. Losing your virginity to someone you love is awesome. If she is offering herself to you know feel fortunate she wants to share the act (as her first true sexual experience) of making love with you. She has opened up to you so don't hurt her make her feel loved and beautiful. Rape is not sex it is a violation and brutal don't ever confuse sex and rape because they aren't even close.

A common misconception about the hymen is that it is inside the vagina. It is actually a mucous membrane that is part of the vulva, the external genital organs. It is formed from a layer of tissue that develops in the early stages of fetal development when there is no opening in the vagina at all. This thin layer of tissue conceals the vagina but usually divides incompletely prior to birth, forming the hymen.

Sometimes this formation of an opening does not occur and results in a hymen that lacks the more common opening. Some females have no hymen at birth at all, since the tissue divided completely while they were still in the womb. The size and shape of this opening (or openings) varies greatly from person to person.

The hymen is also not an indicator of virginity. The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate prior to puberty, so many girls and teens tear or dilate their hymen while participating in sports like bicycling, horseback riding, gymnastics or while inserting tampons. A girl may not even know this has occurred, since there may be little or no blood or pain involved when this happens. Remnants of the hymen are usually still present until a woman delivers a baby vaginally.

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