I have been dating my girlfriend for just over 2 years now. She just turned 21 in August and I am 29. She pretty much doesn't really have any girlfriends, just 2. both are her age and both like me as her boyfriend. Back in October she got fed up with me being "lazy" about things (bought a duplex and didn't move in for 4 months, yard work, etc.) so she said she wanted to take a break. During the break we still hung out, called and texted each other. In less than a month we were back together again and thing were going good. I would like to mention that she works as a waitress in a restaurant that is also a well known bar in the area. Now after about 3 months, she was at my house one day and said "do you trust me?". I said yes of course "why?" Side note: being a waitress, she has a lot of regulars that come in just for her. One of the regulars is a family that always comes in with their 20 year old son. They giver things and leave big tips. After asking her why, she said "You know that family that always comes in". I said "yeah". "Well they want to to go to a informal dinner with them, with their son". Of course I was a little disturbed by this. I told her that it sounds like the family is trying to hook up their son with my girlfriend. She said she didn't see what the big deal was. So I told her that I didn't care if she went, seeing as I didn't care in the past that she hung out with her ex's. Now after a few weeks, all was fine. Well, one night we went to a hockey game and she was kissing me and telling me she loved me, then on the way home she ******* broke up with me. She said that she needs her "space". After talking to her she said that she heard that I said she couldn't go to the dance, I NEVER SAID THAT! We agreed that we would take a break from each other, not like the last one where we weren't really on a break. We had a concert to go to last week, so we went. During the concert she was texting someone, she just kept saying it was a friend. (I had a feeling I knew who it was) After the concert we went to a late breakfast and everything was good. Now, the following weekend she had to drive me home one night and she was going to pick me up the next day to get my truck. The next day she text me asking if I can get someone else to get my truck because she wanted to work on her resume with a "friend". I said what friend? It was the 20 year old from the family. (which I knew). She told me not to be stupid about it, I said that I wasn't. It started to snow later and she told me that she wasn't going to go because the roads were bad. After calling me later that night, I asked why it was so loud where she is. She told me she was at Danny's (the 20 year old), he picked her up. She said that they are just friends, but of course I am not believing this. I am going nuts. I still love her. She still calls and texts me. I don't want to lose her. I don't think that she is the kind of person to just throw away 2 years. I know she still cares about me. WHAT SHOULD I DO!

Ok, I'm not going to sound mean to you or anything so please don't take it as that. No one thinks the person they love is capable of throwing years with someone they love away but it happens, a lot. My ex throw 2 1/2 years away and I never saw it coming. My uncle just through 30+ years away that he has been with my Aunt since the 8th grade for a fling. So it happens, even if she seems like a perfect person. Second, this guy might be just a friend, but I think she is curious as to what may happen with him. You were more than trusting with her, and now she feels you will still be there for her when she sees what this guy has to offer. My advice, go NC with her to let her get her act together, along with yourself. Stop letting her treat you like a yo-yo and bringing you around when she needs you.

She told me not to be stupid about it, I said that I wasn't. Yeah, you are being stupid, by chasing your tail on this one.


... she told me that she wasn't going to go... calling me later that night, I asked why it was so loud where she is. She told me she was at Danny's (the 20 year old), he picked her up. She said that they are just friends, but of course I am not believing this.You're not? Really? OK, if you don't believe they're just friends then that's a CONCLUSION. That should result in something. Sounds like you are reaching a conclusion and then just pouting about it.

I am going nuts. I still love her.Ah, OK, I was right. You reached a logical mature conclusion about what happening and decided to mope and sing "I still love her" songs to yourself. Um, OK, so you are choosing misery. That's fine, I guess, if that's what you want.

She still calls and texts me. I don't want to lose her.Yeah, she's real nice. Dude, you lost her and there's really only one choice here... do you want a frustrating push-pull emotional roller-coaster ride with her as a friend you still love? She's moved on. Picture yourself on a dog-leash being held by an owner who doesn't really like animals. That's you if you stick around for this.

I don't think that she is the kind of person to just throw away 2 years. I know she still cares about me. No, she doesn't feel the same way anymore and she isn't throwing anything away. You two experienced your time together and now things are moving on. This isn't throwing anything away. If you turn your fond memories of your time with her into thoughts like this, YOU will be thowing away the good history. Relationships really can end without all the added drama if people just acted with a little more self-dignity.

WHAT SHOULD I DO! DUDE, you're the catch, not the catcher. Girls should want you because you're an awesome and attentive and loving man. You'd rather be the desperate girl-chaser? I hope not.

Seriously, move on, enjoy some grown up relationships.

(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/isneezefunny.html)ISneezeFunny (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/isneezefunny.html) agrees: yep. read romefalls's posts...my posts...freakinconfused's posts...ihatewestseneca's posts...all the same (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/isneezefunny.html)
I think you could benefit from this suggestion, and the links in my signature. Your in some denial, and need to accept she is moving in another direction, and give her ALL the space she wants, and heal and find a happy healthy life without her. Disappear from her life, and get your own. Don't call, text, or contact her, and above all, don't reply to her efforts to contact you.

I'm going through the same thing as you bro after my ex dumping me 2 weeks ago. Cut off all contact now! Learn from my mistakes, you're only doing more damage contacting her still. You can't control how she feels, but you can make her realize what a mistake she made by stepping out. Until you have her cooperation, nothing you do will be of any benefit. You don't want her telling you "You've only pushed me away farther". Trust me, if I could turn back time just a little bit, I would have ended all contact. I know the pain of thinking of her being w/ someone else, but if that's what she chooses, nothing you do at this pt will change that. Any whining, pining, begging, and etc only makes you look worse.

Won't I look like the A$$ if I stop all contact with her? She is still making plans to do things with me. That's why its so damn confusing. Is she just making plans because she knows that I can't say no? That I can be in her life when it's convenient for her? I have "girl" friends that I have known for years. Doesn't she have the right to have "guy" friends? Are there any women who have taken a break and actually gotten back together with their boyfriends?

Omg is this break up month or somthin?
Sorry to take over your post but I din want to make a new one.
My girlfriend did the same thing to me last week Sunday. I'm 23 she's 22. We been together for a wonderful 1.5 yrs. I was the nicest guy to her, even she said it. In the beginning I use to pick her up from work everyday we chilled almost everyday slept almost every night. Late last year I changed jobs and I work nights and she works evenings and it really put a strain on the realationship, I would still see her when I came from work at 7am and slee with her till she goes to woek at 2 pm... a week before the break up I can see it in her eyes that somthin was not right, I asked her and she said it was nothing. I should have pushed it more but I can't do anything now. So a week a go she told me she still loves me but not "in love" with me so I asked if you want to talk about it she said no, I asked are you seeing someone else she said no, I asked if she was breaking up with me she said "i dont know" during all this time she was weeping her eyes out. So I left her we went NC for 1 week and last night she txed me saying if you want to talk tx me. Basically during the whole txing conversation she said she "dosent see us getting back together" and "and the week has been hell for her she couldent sleep & eat" she "dosent want to leave me hanging" . I told her if your happy to be alone then its best for you. She asked if I want to be her friend, I told her I can't be your friend I want to be more than that, she said that "im going to miss you but i have to do this."
I told her if its meant to be you'll see me again and she said I hope to see you again.

This morning on Facebook she went to be listed as single and took me off her top friends list

I'm trying to move on with my life but its so hard... I want her back but I want her to want me back more. I know she has made her decision and I respect it and I'm trying to accept it.

Waking up during the day is so hard, because I wake up without her.

I really don't get these females!!

Sorry for the bad grammar...

From now on I'm not going to call tx or e-mail her, I'm going to try to go Facebook once a month... I joined the gym last week and I've been going like every 2 days or so... im really trying to forget about her. I mean there's nothing I can do to bring her back to me but sometime it feels I have a heavy weight on my chest every time I think about her and is like constantly making me feel sad

I don't get them either. Mine still left all of our pictures on Facebook and Myspace. She hasn't changed anything, which makes it more confusing. She even kept her passwords that have my name in it the same. This is what's giving me some kind of hope. She hasn't given me the "I just want to be friends" line yet. The more I stay out of contact with her, the more she contacts me.

I don't get them either. Mine still left all of our pictures on Facebook and Myspace. She hasn't changed anything, which makes it more confusing. She even kept her passwords that have my name in it the same. This is whats giving me some kind of hope. She hasn't given me the "I just want to be friends" line yet. The more I stay out of contact with her, the more she contacts me. ?

That seems to be the case. I did NC w/ my ex for 2 days and now today she's telling me she wants to mend the relationship? Geezus. I don't want to play hardball, but at the same time, I feel I need to keep the NC up. Why can't things just simpler!! Lol. Anyway, I feel better about things, and am confident of things going either way at this point since I've grieved enough. All my friends have been uber supportive of me and keep telling me "It's not what she wants anymore, it's what do YOU want?". I think back to a lot of my past relationships, I've been in 18 total, and I do believe a period of absence makes the heart grow fonder, however, before restarting anything, best iron out all the causes of the first breakup. I really feel that we all sound like broken records, where everyone says the same thing over and over and over, but I guess that's what makes the world go round, so we have to go w/ the flow.
I'm thinking of keeping the NC up until my ex gets her Vday gift, hope that's the big wakeup call for her.

See, what makes me the most upset is that she told me the first time that I needed to get my $hit together. So what did I do? Exactly that. I bought a Duplex, refinanced my car loan so I could pay her back what I owed her, I'm in the middle of getting a better job, got 2 cats that SHE wanted and got 2 fish that SHE wanted. I even drove 6 hours in a damn blizzard to get her Packer tickets cause her sister (who she is sooo close with) that can get tickets, would not get her any. Sometimes I feel like calling her and going off on her for being so damn selfish. I hope that one day she realizes all the sacrifices I made for her. Oh yeah, this Friday we are going to go see Flogging Molly at the House of Blues... I paid $350 for 2 tickets.

Stop acting like you're a puppet on strings. It's not very dignified. All those things you listed off you did for her... you did those things because you wanted to. Period.

You can be pragamatic. If you don't want the cats, get rid of them. Offer them to her or you're going to donate them to somewhere... same with the fish. If you don't appreciate the companionship of pets, lose them, but don't add it to your gunny sack of complaints just because it was her idea originally. That's pretty lame.

Tickets? Sell them. Or take someone else. They're YOUR tickets. Get some dignity, dude.

Won't I look like the A$$ if I stop all contact with her? She is still making plans to do things with me. Thats why its so damn confusing. Is she just making plans because she knows that I can't say no? That I can be in her life when it's convenient for her? I have "girl" friends that I have known for years. Doesn't she have the right to have "guy" friends? Are there any women who have taken a break and actually gotten back together with their boyfriends?

This is her way of making it easier for herself, she does care about you and she feels guilty about what she is doing and she should. But if she keeps hanging out with you she'll think that you're just fine and dandy being friends. Also this is a way of keeping you on the back burner in case things with the new guy don't work out, please don't let her have her cake and eat it too. My ex did the same thing, we broke up and hung out shortly after, she held my hand, hugged me, kissed me, cuddled, and most importantly, confused the hell out of me. NC is definitely the way to go, if she asks why you aren't contacting her at all, just remind her that SHE wanted to break up, and this is just what you have to do to cope with that. If this happens, she'll probably pull some sad act, but stick to your guns... you'll get through this. Good luck, and welcome to this break-up BS

Ain't that much love in the friggin' world that my female put another guys needs in front of MINE, Stop answering her calls and texts until you can stand up to her. Men don't take that crap!

HINT: She is not yours anyway.

Oh yeah, this Friday we are going to go see Flogging Molly at the House of Blues.....I paid $350 for 2 tickets.

Take someone else, a buddy, your mom, whoever... you bought them, she broke up with you, game over for her. I would never take someone to see Flogging Molly that broke my heart... not so soon anyhow. And no, this nice gesture will not get her back, sorry.

Everyone on here has been where you are, so don't take the advice harshly. Deep down you know this is what you should be doing, but you think that if you keep bending for her she will see you're a "changed" man... Not going to happen by bending over backwards, change for yourself or you will only mask it. Take it from me, ex ended it over my jealousy and possessiveness, so what did I do? Pined over her for 2 weeks begging her to come back, went to therapy, started taking jealousy online courses, reading everything and anything about the subject thinking it would win her back. After 2 weeks I realized she won't come back over that and started NC and it's been over a month. I realized that I needed to do those things to better myself and now I see that the next girlfriend I do get will be very lucky because all my issues with those subjects are worked out.

If you have no one to take, donate them to a worthy person, or couple. Any one, but her.

I finally had "the talk" with her on Monday of this week. I needed to get a straight up answer. I was tired of her telling me she would call me and then not calling. She only does this when she is around her "new" friends because she is worried what they will say about it. I asked her, if you want to be independent and make your own decisions, maybe you shouldn't let what other people think influence your decisions. I gave her the things that she had at my house and told her that I can't sit around and wait for her to make up her mind on who or what she wants. She constantly reassures me that its not so much who she wants but what she wants to do with her life. Unfortunately the only person that she has right now in her life that she goes to is her older sisters who basically have been screwed over by guys, so their advice is a bit one sided. After having that conversation, she was texting me and asking me to come in where she works, so I did. I know I shouldn't have but all my friends hang out there also. While I was there she ended up sitting next to me and just balling. She just kept crying and wouldn't say why. That just seems to me that she still wants to be with me but is worried about what everyone else around her would think. Am I wrong?

Everyone keeps telling me to cut off all contact with her, but won't that make her hate me? I don't understand how that would make a girl want you more. Won't she see that I am moving on and just think that "hey maybe he doesn't care about me, screw him". I don't understand why this is so hard for me to grasp.

Everyone keeps telling me to cut off all contact with her, but won't that make her hate me? I don't understand how that would make a girl want you more. Won't she see that I am moving on and just think that "hey maybe he doesn't care about me, screw him". I don't understand why this is so hard for me to grasp.

Grasp this then, NC, would allow you to heal, and let you see what she is doing to you, and your life.

Grasp this then, NC, would allow you to heal, and let you see what she is doing to you, and your life.


I know what your saying talaniman but its been really hard for me. Its been 2 weeks since I saw my ex and I txed her on fri to see how's she's doing ((last I talked to her she said she wasn't doing good.. not sleeping or eating)) this time she said "ok i guess" so I left it at that. So far she hasn't given me any indication that she wants me back. Its hard to accept that she's never going to come back. Its hard because I constantly think of her, and hope she's going to realize what a good thing she's missing out on. After txing her on fri I promised myself I would not make contact unless she makes it first , its going to be hard but I know I can do it!

Who said doing the right thing was easy, I know its not. Stop worring about her, and take care of you. We all forget, through our heart break, to love ourselves, and put the feelings of the ex first. That's why cutting contact to heal, is the right thing to do. Your right, you can do this.

Won't I look like the A$$ if I stop all contact with her? She is still making plans to do things with me. Thats why its so damn confusing. Is she just making plans because she knows that I can't say no? That I can be in her life when it's convenient for her? I have "girl" friends that I have known for years. Doesn't she have the right to have "guy" friends? Are there any women who have taken a break and actually gotten back together with their boyfriends?


No you wouldn't if you stop contact with her, she will feel out of place because right now the ball is in her court, turn the tables don't contact her for your sake... Why is she still calling you and making plans to be with you? To keep you just in case it doesn't work out with the "friend" unfortnately there are selfish people out there who would throw away a relationship for a fling or two.. I know it sucks but its true...



Are there any women who have taken a break and actually gotten back together with their boyfriends?

Yes, I have a few months ago I know I was in the same situation I bet a few people remember I was really upset about it, I gave him the space he gave me space and there was no contact for 2 months, he came back because I didn't nag him or contact him, and he didn't contact me either but for me I didn't see anyone else. I took those 2 months and did things for myself... I didn't get involved with anyone because how could you be taking a break to move on to the next one? Besides, it will only hurt her if she isn't being honest with you about this guy in the long run, because what comes around goes around, She broke up with you to not feel guilty, so if she ever came back she would say well We weren't together and you shouldn't care what she did while you were broken up. That's a classic one! Trust me, people are like that.

that's a lovely success story jolie. I wish I can come back in a few months and write one of my own. Right now I can't sleep and I have work in 8 hrs, I keep thinking of the days me and my x we first went out what good times we had. Still trying to move on but I can't seem to get the thought outa my head. I know its going to take some time to get use and get good at being alone... time is a B1!tch sometimes

thats a lovely success story jolie. i wish i can come back in a few months and write one of my own. right now i can't sleep and i have work in 8 hrs, i keep thinking of the the days me and my x we first went out what good times we had. still trying to move on but i can't seem to get the thought outa my head. i know its gonna take some time to get use and get good at being alone.....time is a B1!tch sometimes


Hey you may come back in a few months and read this and say what the heck was I thinking... I am much happier with myself now... These are fresh wounds, but in time they will heal, and you will see... Don't jump into a rebound relationship and please follow No contact... Unless you like to be hanging on the limb... Which I doubt... Do things for yourself work on your house, yourself... and everything will work out trust me... It always does... just don't contact her...

Wow... I know what this is it kind of happened to me.. ummm.. dont believe her.. she found someone around her age... and she tking what's new and fresh... just want some one with more excitement some one that's immature... I found some one older then me.. and I'm loving it.. I just leave the young guys alone because all they want is two things... ya money and sex of course... my relationship is great!. all you need to do is try one more time... if she don't come around then... trust me she wasn't the right one for you at all... just more as a friend type I guess... love is bound to happen.. if you really want this