My children and I are under an order of protection from my ex-husband (we've been divorced since 1999) and our kids are 9 and 12. About 3 weeks ago, I picked the kids up from school, and left the state, after my ex had violated the order on at least 3 different occasions (I have no proof of this, however). I have since enrolled them (confidentially) in schools in a different state. We have a court date coming up and I'm expected to be there. I have sent Freedom of Information Requests to 7 different police agencies and found out that he has been arrested approximately 10 times each year since we divorced ~ mostly drug and alcohol related offenses (stealing narcotics from hospitals he's worked for, DWI's) and other criminal charges (aggravated harassment, filing false business reports, etc). There have been numerous child protective cases indicated against him over the last 10 years as well (neglect, endangering the welfare of a minor, inadequate guardianship, lack of supervision, etc.) The kids divulged sexual abuse in 2004, and no criminal charges were fiiled because, "there was no medical evidence, it's the kids' words against his, they're not of swearable ages, and <get this> it only happened once." This incident led our son, who has high-functioning autism, to threaten suicide (at age 8) and he even told his therapist that he wanted to die because of what his father did to him. I attempted many times to keep the kids from him as a result, and the courts made me each time.

Every time we have been to court (at *least* once a year) he has told the judges "I'm sorry, I know I have a problem" (which pulls at the judge's heart strings) and is granted supervised visitation, and then gets regular visitation back, and then screws up again. The kids are terrified of him after this latest incident (involving him getting drunk, falling on top of our daughter, beating the dog in front of her, threatening our son) that got them the order of protection. The judge recently gave him supervised visitation for 2 hours on every other Saturday at a local mall. The kids screamed, cried, begged and refused to go. I secretly recorded their reactions and burned it on to a CD for the judge to hear. They haven't seen him since the incident where he did all of those things on December 1st.

Over the last 10 years, I have written letters to judges and congressmen, and commissioners of social service agencies pleading with them to do something. All to no avail.

My last words to my ex (over the phone this past December) were "enough is enough. this ends right here, right now." I haven't seen him since (except for in court when he gave the new judge a sob story of how sorry he is... )

My questions are these: No one knows where we are... am I breaking the law if I have sole custody? Can I refuse to divulge our whereabouts? Can NY extradite me back to NY? Sounds crazy, but I fear this. Can I just disappear like this?

I know he will hire a private detective, but I have done everything so that's we're nearly invisible and untraceable. I still have my house in NY, and pay bills from accounts there. I have a PO box through a friend in NY, and my mail is forwarded there. Child Protective Services in NY does know where we are though, because the kids' school in NY filed an educational neglect report against me, since they believed the kids weren't in any school. I couldn't tell them where we were, because my ex would have called there and I was afraid the wrong person would pick up the phone and say, "oh, yeah, they transferred to such and such a school in such and such a state." I had to give CPS information regardign where the kids are enrolled in school.

I feel so stuck and scared. Any advice would be appreciated.

I do have an attorney, but she says that she suggests I go to court... but if I do, I may have to disclose where we are, and that if I didn't go, the judge could issue a bench warrant, find me in contempt, or both.

Should I request my family offense petition I filed be dismissed (the order of protection) so that I don't have to go back to court?

Aah! Family courts drive me crazy! My father was abusive for years and when my mother finally divorced him the judge still tried to make me and my brother visit with him. Me and my brother were maybe a year or so older than your children. My mother had a great attorney though and when me and my brother said we wouldn't have anything to do with our father the attorney fought on our behalf and finally the judge relented and said fine, we didn't have to see him. So there's hope. Another thing that helped us was the court ordered counseling. Th judge made me and my brother go thinking we would work through our issues with our father but it back fired and the therapist wrote recommendations that supprted our desire to have nothing to do with him. Maybe have your children see therapists. 1) the abuse that I went through was tramautizing, I would be shocked if your children don't have at least a little bit of baggage that a therapist could help them with. 2) therapists are great for when you go to court. Unlike the judge, the therapist will be most concerned about your children's best interests (and they'll have a uch better idea than a judge what your children's best interests are). If they don't believe its healthy for the children to see their father, they can write a letter telling the judge that and those letters can make an impact.