My 5 year old has been doing this for about a year now. It use to be only at home, but now it's at school. She is in kindergarten and I have been called in to talk about the situation and have had several other phone calls from school saying that now she will not do her class work because she wants to finish! I just don't know what to do?? I have tried explaining to her that this is a private thing and if she must do it she needs to do so when she is alone. She is very rebellious though and it seems the more her teachers and I ask her not to the more she does it anyway. Any suggestions

What does finesh mean? Finish? And what's a private thing?

It was a spelling err! Thank you for pointing that out! A PRIVATE THING. Something that she can only do when she is alone! Not in front of others and certainly NOT in school. Private!

What I want to know is how she knows how to do this? I have never heard of such a thing. If she is being so disobedient than you need to take action immediately and discipline her. Let her know that she is being punished if she continues to do this. You need to be firm! Take away her toys, put her in time out, don't let her have any fun! Starting something like this at such a young age is very alarming... you may have her see a councilor.

What I want to know is how she knows how to do this? I have never heard of such a thing. If she is being so disobedient than you need to take action immediately and discipline her. Let her know that she is being punished if she continues to do this. You need to be firm! Take away her toys, put her in time out, don't let her have any fun! Starting something like this at such a young age is very alarming... you may have her see a councilor.

I just wanted to chime to say that all children can begin this between 2-3... it is self discovery not alarming. I would just ask her peditrician for advice as she needs to learn it is not appropriate in public.

Private thing? What about no you don't do that for a 5 year old. Please, I see the problem a parent who has been allowing it at home without telling them to stop it at this age.

You are a parent, just be one and make them stop

Rowletta I have 3 children. None of my kids ever did this. If one of mine did then we would have been off to see a doctor. Something is going on with your daughter. She is acting out for some reason and you need to find out why.

What I want to know is how she knows how to do this? I have never heard of such a thing. If she is being so disobedient than you need to take action immediately and discipline her. Let her know that she is being punished if she continues to do this. You need to be firm! Take away her toys, put her in time out, don't let her have any fun! Starting something like this at such a young age is very alarming... you may have her see a councilor.
I have no idea how she knows about this. I have ask her did someone teach you this, has someone touched you? Her school counselor has ask the same questions and she gives the same answer. She just figured it out on her own. It tickles her tummy and makes her feel good. I've been told NOT to tell her it's a bad thing! I've been told to ignore her, punish her, I have done all these things and nothing matters to her. She still continues to do it.

I have no idea how she knows about this. I have ask her did someone teach you this, has someone touched you? Her school counselor has ask the same questions and she gives the same answer. She just figured it out on her own. It tickles her tummy and makes her feel good. I've been told NOT to tell her it's a bad thing! I've been told to ignore her, punish her, I have done all these things and nothing matters to her. She still continues to do it.

Tell her to stop, period, if she was opening the door and walking into the street you would stop her?? It is effecting school and I am sure children and family services will not believe someone is not touching her if they start getting invovled. No matter it is effecting her school and is not normal for her age ( a little touching but not all the time) The issue at this point was it was allowed too long to start with, and will be harder to stop. But firm punishment telling her no, not just not in public, but just NO>

I am sorry it is not a "matter" that a 5 year old needs to be doing, and they don't need to be doing it in private at 5. I am sorry ( well not really sorry) but thinking this is OK for a 5 year old, and having birds and bees talk at 5 is very scar'ed in my opinoin, God only knows why are young people so messed up today.

There's nothing wrong with a 5 year old doing this. I work in the hospital, and I've seen multiple cases in which parents come in and describe symptoms... and it ends up the kid is masturbating. The youngest I've seen is 6... but 5 may not be too far off. Parents want their kids to stop. Really, it's a phase. They either learn to stop or learn to control themselves or they just plain stop.

At the age of 5, to tell the kid that this is "something adults do" may aggravate the situation.

The best thing to do is to help control the situation and teach your child WHEN/WHERE to do this.

I understand why some of you are absolutely shocked about this, but to a child, it's nothing more than another hobby that they enjoy. Half the children the parents bring in don't know ANYTHING about sex, and simply don't even connect it to sex. They just do it... to them, it's like picking their noses.

Tell her to stop, period, if she was opening the door and walking into the street you would stop her ??? It is effecting school and I am sure children and family services will not beleive someone is not touching her if they start getting invovled. No matter it is effecting her school and is not normal for her age ( alittle touching but not all the time) The issue at this point was it was allowed too long to start with, and will be harder to stop. but firm punishment telling her no, not just not in public, but just NO>

I agree with you! I have had six children and not a single one of them started something like this. A child doesn't just discover masturbation without a little help.

I'd agree that telling her that it's wrong is a bad thing. Yes, kids can figure things like that out on their own. It's possible she has been abused in some way, but you don't know for sure. The problem is masturbating at school and being focused on that instead of her schoolwork.

It should be OK to do it at home, in her room if she is not disturbing anyone else. It is not OK to do it at school, in the classroom when the teacher is teaching. At that point, the appropriate thing for her to do, is to participate in the lesson with the rest of her class.

So, how do you get her to stop? Take away something that is even more important to her. Let her know when she can do it and when she can't. Become a 'police mommy'. Let her have the "important" thing only when she has complied with your rules. Don't let other's opinions get in the way of what is simply discipline between you, and your child. Refuse to let embarrassment interfere. She is using that against all of the adults in her world so that she can do exactly what she wants.

What would you do if she repeatedly broke your dishware or hid the TV remote? She is strong. She will probably be a very capable and intelligent adult. But you have to be the big meany now. She will learn to discipline herself. Right now, she does not know how.

She's just sexually active with this sexual environment that she is growing up in.
With media and such.

I agree with you! I have had six children and not a single one of them started something like this. A child doesn't just discover masturbation without a little help.


Sorry, that is a very ignorant thing to say. I raised four kids, and only one of them, we discovered, mastrubated at a very early age. But I did not teach, encourage nor allow them to be exposed to such an idea, at such a tender age.

Children are naturally curious about their bodies. Some discover, very early on, that touching that part of the body feels good. So by all means, let us punish our children for simply discoverying their body.

The stigma that society has placed on mastrubation is long outdated. Benefits of doing so have been scientifically proven. Also, I can clearly remember being in kindergarten and talking to another chilc about how good certain actions feel. But I came from a very conservative and Christian home. My parents did not tolerate bad behavior. I was simply tought that is was a sin.

Luckily I grew up without emotional scars due to this. But as for seeing this somewhere else, prior to then.. fat chance. So to say that your six children did not do it, is like saying, "If my children don't do it, others don't either. But if they do, its someone elses fault" Come on, this is the 21 Century. Let's leve the personal opinions about this mother out of this discussion. Let us concentrate on her question. How does she teach her child not to do this in public?

I think it's perfectly fine to tell her what you have - that is a private thing and you only do it when you are alone. Treat her doing it in front of you, other family members and at school as a discipline issue and do not tolerate it.

Have her do a time-out with her hands flat on the table in front of her every time she does this in front of someone. Give her a reward for days when she doesn't do this. You can call it "being a lady".

Include a few different things in "being a lady" like not letting people see your underwear, not touching private places on your body in front of other people, closing the door when you're in the bathroom, keeping your legs together when you are wear a dress and so on.

I think there's a fear that children will be emotionally damaged if they are made to feel dirty about their bodies. You can be very matter of fact about this just like if she was taking cookies without permission, or spitting on the sidewalk, or using words you don't approve of without making her have all kinds of emotional damage.

It's not acceptable and all she needs to hear from you is, "That's not acceptable. Sit down at the table and do not take either hand off that table top." For subsequent offenses just say, "Mary, hands on the table. Time out."

When the time out is done, tell her what the consequence will be if she does it again. "Mary, if you do that again today you will loose (whatever privaledge...getting to see Barney or whatever)." Then follow through. Even if she stops immediately, if you catch her, no Barney until tomorrow.

If you treat it just like any other unacceptable behavior, it will blend in with all the other lessons she's learning and will not create a stigma for her.

Some parents would disagree with me but I think a light slap on the back of the hand might make an impression. I'm not talking about makign a bruise or real pain here... just an assertive gesture that lets her know that you mean business. Sometimes a verbal cue combined with a physical cue makes a stronger impression.


Another thing you should consider is whether there's a reason she needs so much self-comforting. It is not sexual at this age, it's a comfort thing in my opinion (which is not professional by any means... I just read a lot). Do you and your husband argue a lot? Does she get teased by other kids? Are there other turbulent issues in the house?

Give her appropriate physical attention and be particularly vigilant about ensuring that she does not see inappropriate imagery on television, etc. She is clearly sensitive to these things.

I am not exactly sure how she can be doing that in her classroom. Don't the kids make her feel funny about it?
When I was in grade school if anybody acted out of the 'norm' the teacher parked their chair right next to her desk
And if they still did unacceptable things they were taken to the office and had to do their work sitting next to the Principal and staff. She needs some kind of social consequences to see that if she wants to be treated the 'norm' she can't be doing certain behaviors.

Have you had a look at her vagina to make sure she isn't suffering from an irritation or infection? My daughter is very sensitive to certain types of toilet paper and can't have bubble bath because it irritates her. The irritation became noticiable when I was constantly having to tell her to stop putting her fingers in her crotch. She was itchy and was scratching, which looked a lot like masturbation.

Please check her. It might be as simple as changing brands of TP.

I agree with you! I have had six children and not a single one of them started something like this. A child doesn't just discover masturbation without a little help.

That's not true at all. I started when I was 6 and no EVER 'helped' me. At the time, I didn't know what it was called and the real meaning behind it but I was doing it because I am human, and ALL humans are born sexual. I was never sexually abused either. You know what is funny, I never had the 'birds and bees talk' until I was 10 and I have a very healthy view of sex. Just because your' 6 kids out of billions didn't do this doesn't mean others didn't. Like previous posts said, some kids discover their bodies and what makes them feel good at an early age and some don't.

Whoa, I just decided to peek in here and can't believe some of the intolerance and ignorance displayed.

1) A child can certainly learn this by themselves, especially a girl. When they bathe they are taught to wash that area which can stimulate them. They can learn to like the sensation (as the daughter said, tickle in the tummy). So to believe this is unnatural is ridiculous.

2) On the other hand, this girl's behavior seems to have gone over the bounds of natural exploration and borders on obsession.

3) She is obviously too young for the full "birds and bees" talk, but there are ways to broach the issue for kids her age. I would discuss it with your local librarian to see if there are any books that will help you.

4) You DO NOT want to traumatize her by putting a negative spin on sexual activity. What you DO need to do is teach her what sexual activity is appropriate and when. You need to approach this with the tack that there is a time and a place for everything. That she needs to learn what is appropriate for when. Use non sexual examples of things that she knows she shouldn't do at certain times.

Because the behavior seems obsessive, I think counseling may be in order. Not because of what she is doing, but because she is being obsessive about it. The problem is not masturbation, but her obsessive need to do it.

It tickles her tummy and makes her feel good. I've been told NOT to tell her it's a bad thing! I've been told to ignore her, punish her, I have done all these things and nothing matters to her. She still continues to do it.

I just don't understand how she learned how to do this. Are you sure she is masterbating and not just doing/saying things for attention? I've never heard anyone say masturbating tickles their tummy. I think as a parent you need to put a stop to this before child services does

i just dont understand how she learned how to do this. are you sure she is masterbating and not just doing/saying things for attention? ive never heard anyone say masturbating tickles their tummy. i think as a parent you need to put a stop to this befor child services does

Are you a parent? Children are taught to wipe themselves after going to the potty, for girls this process generally means touching themselves in a stimulating way. So its easier for girls to learn what feels good then boys. Maybe you've never heard it described asa tickling one's tummy, but I've heard it referred to similarly.

As several of us have pointed out, this is not unnatural and children's services is highly unlikely to get involved in this.

Are you a parent? Children are taught to wipe themselves after going to the potty, for girls this process generally means touching themselves in a stimulating way. So its easier for girls to learn what feels good then boys. Maybe you've never heard it described asa tickling one's tummy, but I've heard it referred to similarly.

As several of us have pointed out, this is not unnatural and children's services is highly unlikely to get involved in this.


I'm not a parent but I am raisng children ans I don't know how your can get masturbation from wiping your privates. This is the first child I have ever heard of masterbating at all an then being allowed to do it! It just not right

It's a natural process. If this is the first you have heard of it, then you need to become aware of parenting facts. As to allowing it, what do you propose? Shaming the kid into believing that sex is totally wrong? Sorry, but you need to get your head out of the sand.

Scottgem is absolutely correct on all counts this child is exploring herself and this is normal. She needs to have boundaries set when this behaviour is appropriate or not. I doubt any abuse has taken place. With bathroom habits a child can discover themselves and that touch feels good. They just need to be taught that this is private and should not be done in view of others.

I think it is very ignorant for parents to compare their kids to others.. all children are different. Just because some do things different does not mean they are or will be perfect! Be careful! That will backfire. My cousin's mother in law always compared her daughter's child with her son's kids. Talking about how she was 4 and reading at 4th grade level.. blah blah.. well she failed to mention how the child has been expelled from daycares, school.. and poor girl has a terrible behavior. I know I discovered the whole feeling good down there when I was 7 or 8. I remember I wiped and it felt funny so I realize woah. Time went by I still did it every now and then. Mom caught me and forget it. Forever I thought it was horrible.. that I was the only one who did it and that I was a sick person. Ok it is OK to bring up our children with moral and spiritual guidance (like religion).. but we have to be realistic... too.. just because certain things like masturbation is a sin.. its actually very natural.. and you can't create a negative impression on a child so young.. and much less be judgmental. I am now 24 and I am married--with children.. and have only had one sexual partner and he has now been my husband for almost 2 years and I have been with him for 8 years. So by no means EVER assume---they masturbated young--they are going to be promiscuous. There are plenty of people out there.. who do not discover that and end up being promiscuous.. or God knows what else... and vice versa. Children are constantly discovering their bodies.. I know my daughter squeezes her legs and its soooo annoying! And I feel embarrassed because I know if she happen to do it in front of someone who is ignorant--forget it! Luckily, I have only seen this right before going to bed... One thing I do tell her is that although it feels good, her private parts are private... and if she touches them she will get her boo boo in her pee. She does have a reflux problem where her urine drains up to the kidney. Perfect reason to tell her you need to keep that area clean and dry.. never touched.. whether it feels good or not.. especially.. for no one else to touch.. because it is private and to tell me...

So parents, this behavior doesn't make your child any better or worse than any one else. There are other behaviors that might signal a problem in the future--and for parents to be judgmental and compare their children to others and make them high and mighty.. *beware*.. those are the one who surprise you the most... we can only teach our children.. but in the end.. they will grow and become their own.. and we do not know what they will become.. I had my first child at 18.. grew up in a great home.. great morals etc... but things happen for a reason... those that compared me to their saint of kids... well, their kids ended up either being known for sleeping around.. some got pregnant at a younger age and didn't do anything better with themselves. I became a young mother... but I got my education.. I am a great mom.. and happily married to their father... so seriously... open your eyes...

Oh and by the way.. things are not so different than back in the days... the difference is... people before covered things up.. like early marriages.. and never talked about it... nowadays, people are more open.. but sex... nothing new.. WE are the ones w the bad minds... children are innocent...

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What I want to know is how she knows how to do this? I have never heard of such a thing. If she is being so disobedient than you need to take action immediately and discipline her. Let her know that she is being punished if she continues to do this. You need to be firm! Take away her toys, put her in time out, don't let her have any fun! Starting something like this at such a young age is very alarming... you may have her see a councilor.

Absolutely not! There is nothing wrong with discovering our bodies so young, the good is, she is discovering it! Never punish your child for something good. What you should be doing is talking to a doctor or councillor about it. Do not take away your child's toys for discovering her body!

Oops. I meant to disagree. While I agree that your daughter should not be doing this in public I don't think you should be firm and discipline her the way some users are describing. For example, if you take away TV, what's she going to do? Probably go to her room and masturbate, right? So that won't fix anything and you risk having her grow up thinking that's its something bad even though it's totally natural. I agree with the users that said its likely a phase and to teach her about "being a lady."

Does she have an older sister or any older cousins? I learned about "being a lady" from my sister and my cousins. Anything they did or didn't do, I did or didn't do. Maybe if there's an older girl she looks up to let her hang out with them more. When I was little (like 4 or something) my mom would tell me not to pick my nose but I would ignore her. Then I started playing with my cousins more and they would say it was gross so I stopped because I wanted to be like them. Maybe it would work with your daughter. I don't know

Hi,

I just finished researched on the topic of early masturbation for my senior thesis. This si completely normal; and her "finishing" it is also completely normal. However, I can understand how this may bring on problems in the public, especially at school. If you are not getting through to her, maybe there is someone else she really respects such as a pediatrician, or a friend of yours, aunt, etc. Sometimes, another person besides "mommy" can help with getting through to her. By all means do not STOP her from doing this. I am doing research on the topic because I remember exactly when I was told and threatned to stop doing this "horrible thing". It was detrimental.

Don't pay any attention to the ignorant people who tell you to Stop your child from doing this. It is crazy.

Take care

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I know this is an old post, but does your child still have this behavior? My daughter started this 'tickling' behavior last year in Kindergarten (a private school) and a year an a half later after loads of therapy, doctors, psychiatrists, and ADHD meds, we have finally learned that she has a rare form of OCD that involves mastrubation. We did all the don't do it and only in your room talks, rewards, threats, no stress, yada, yada, yada... and sometimes it shows a child absolutely has zero control of an action due to the brain triggering a behavior. She is highly intellegent academically and very creative but this behavior disrupted her life daily. She cried about it and didn't know how to stop. We also found out there is a genetic link as she has 2 other cousins in another state (far away) that had the same behavior but they started at 6 months. And continued (ing) and one is 9 yrs old! Parents get your child properly checked out by a good children's hospital!

ive never heard anyone say masturbating tickles their tummy.

Everyone describes orgasm differently; no two people have the same experience. Given her age, she probably doesn't know how else to phrase it.

I didn't bother to read the pages of posts. But I will say I am 19 and I had kids who did this all the time grades 1-3 and I told my mom about it she told me they could have been sexually molested or raped.. but honestly I tried it for like 2secs when I was like 7 after I saw the girl in the nxt seat and thought it was cool because her face turned red.. so maybe she picked it up from someone in school..

I know this is an old post, but does your child still have this behavior? My daughter started this 'tickling' behavior last year in Kindergarten (a private school) and a year an a half later after loads of therapy, doctors, psychiatrists, and ADHD meds, we have finally learned that she has a rare form of OCD that involves mastrubation. We did all the don't do it and only in your room talks, rewards, threats, no stress, yada, yada, yada...and sometimes it shows a child absolutely has zero control of an action due to the brain triggering a behavior. She is highly intellegent academically and very creative but this behavior disrupted her life daily. She cried about it and didn't know how to stop. We also found out there is a genetic link as she has 2 other cousins in another state (far away) that had the same behavior but they started at 6 mos. and continued (ing) and one is 9 yrs old! Parents get your child properly checked out by a good children's hospital!


They have a "rare form" of everything nowadays... anything to get money..!

Umm do you still live with her Father because the only way she would know how to do this is if someone RUBBED her in that area so id watch what he's doing at NIGHT!!

Umm do you still live with her Father because the only way she would know how to do this is if someone RUBBED her in that area so id watch wat hes doing at NIGHT !!!!!

So you would want to destroy a family with this false and incorrect advice.

Both sexes learn to masterbate mostly from self exploration. This is actually more true of girls than boys, because the act of cleaning themselves after going to the bathroom can often involve this type of stimulation. Please keep such medieval notions to yourself.

In some unfortunate cases the child has witnessed or been molested. My daughter has not. She has went to 'play' therapy and the doctors of course look for this. All 5 physicians in the past concur that my daughter was not molested or seen this in any form. She claims she did not learn this from anyone. We don't live in a neighborhood with kids everywhere and the kids in her class don't have this issue. And my husband and I have tirelessly worked on getting her proper help and paid thousands in doctor bills to "fix' this issue. The teachers were asked to track the number of this behavior per day and most days she was mastrubating up to 30 times daily. An update, as I've said her newest physician said she is suffering from OCD which tells the brain to do something repeatedly and my daughter started a low dose of OCD meds. Her behavior dropped 20-30x to ZERO times a day in a weeks time at school (after 1 1/2 years! ) and she said her brain is not telling her to mastrubate anymore. So, it goes to show how disruptive and unwanted this can be and there was an awnser finally. Her brain triggered it. Don't rule that out!