I've been in a relationship with a girl for about 3 years. We live together and have a child together, we're not married and we have nothing in common. Different friends, taste in music, movies, philosophies, etc.

I met her during a really bad time in my life. I was a drunk, a loner, had no self esteem, and just basically was miserable.

I've since improved my life dramatically. Got a good paying job, quit drinking and smoking, started working out 5 days a week and in general feel like I'm back on top of things.

To be honest if we didn't have a child together I'd be long gone. I feel like she uses material things like buying dinner and clothes just to keep me around. I know it sounds bad, but I have a hard time adjusting to major changes in life, aka dumping her.

I've recently met a girl through work who happens to be black [not an issue to me just background info] and also 10 years older. After talking to her frequently we've found that we have a lot in common other than just superficial things. We've met outside of work on a few occasions and sometimes even speak on the phone.

I haven't told my girlfriend about her because she is so insecure and jealous I'm not sure what would happen.

Help! Why does life have to be so complicated?

You really need to assess your current relationship carefully. Although problems and issues crop up from time to time, that is just life the way it is. You may want to consult with a relationship/marital counselor to assist you in this process. It isn't fair to either woman to juggle two of them; not fair to you, either. So before you get involved with the second, figure out how to handle the first.

You have to many personal issues to be in a relationship. Your making a mess out of the lives of others, when all you need is be honest with yourself, and do the right thing. Everything else is a lie to justify bad behavior.

we're not married and we have nothing in common.

I know you already know that you do have stuff in common.

First of all a child.
Next, you have history. Did she stick with you when your life was so bad?
Sounds like she is trying. Why aren't you?

Your post makes it seem like you are now considering yourself better than her, and like you want to throw her out like trash...

If someone did that to me, I would consider them to be an egotistical jerk.
It is also true that if two people can't be happy together, it's better for them to be apart.

You'll have to make your own decisions, but be careful how you state your case of reasons for wanting to leave her unless you want others to have the negative opinions

We'll first off she has never trusted me, she has always thought I've been cheating on her or going out and scoring dope, even though I haven't for a lonnng time. I know its hard to put a time frame on trust but that's how I feel.

I know she stuck with me though tough times, but I don't know what's the lesser of two evils. Uphold my dignity by staying with her and sacrificing a lot of happiness, or moving on and pursuing what I want in life.

Thanks for all the answers everyone I appreciate it.

Life is only as complicated as we make it my friend :)

First off. Id like to say you should be very proud of yourself for quiting smoking and going to the gym, getting fit and feel good about yourself is a very important step. To making yourself happy and others happy :)


As for the trust being broken. Well that may never get won back. It will always be thrown back in your face. I must say she sounds like a wonderful women to stand by you threw all that.

I would really try and make it work out with her. Try talking to her and see if you can work it out.

We all met girls that we think are cool and have a lot in comon I mean its new its fresh its fun.. but you don't wanan give up someone who sounds like a really good person

I hope you work it out

Regards