here's the story...

long distance...
met... liked each other... never made it official..
she got a boyfriend for 6 months... I got a girlfriend at the sametime..
left him because of her strong feelings for me as soon as I became single too.
so about a year and a half we were officially togethere... saw each other here and there

.. now I am on my 2nd year of college, she just started colllege last fall.

a month into it she said she needs a break. I was cool with it, I actually suggested weeks before because I could feel it but she was like no way she doesn't want to talk any less.
we were having trouble having time for each other.
I complained a lot we didn't talk enough I wish I didn't now.
I kept asking if this was a nice way of breaking up and she was like no, just a nice way of holding off on the relationship till it matters... that she wants to focus on her medical school stuff and so on. She said she wants to talk here and there and live life and be good to each other and be with each other when it mattered. I was cool with it. Really was. Respected it.

now I don't know I took it real hard at the sametime. My emotions were all over the place I dunoo. We neever had any problems at all in the entire years of knowing each other. I mean it not a single thing. Everyone who met us thought we were so perfect for each other. She really felt good about me you know.

so now I realize how impt it is about doing the NC thing.. OK so we would talk here and there. Eventually I avoided her for 3 weeks. I can tell from a few signs she missed me because that was the longest me and her didn't talk in over 3 years no joke. It was weird for me too.

then as soon as x-mas break started, we were both back home from colllege, I sent her a message saying how you been and all... (btw her phone is real messed up can't get or call out unless t-mobile) she seemed really happy that we were talking again and was saying how she was meaing to call me and was going to once she settles down with hoome and all.

THEN I messed up so bad omggggggggggggggg I hate myself everyday about it. I broke down and let out things like all my bottled up feelings from my heart. Like "why should i be with someone who dosent want me" and mentioned stuff about her and her past she wasn't honest to me about like guys she kissed. That I found out. Idc about what she did really I'm honest about that I just said I hate that she lied to me. And I forget what else I said but she never replied to the message. A week or so later her ex calls me laughing and saying she told him me and her are not together anymore this and that. Crushed me.

then I sent a message to her saying I heard what she said and to get out my life. She started texting me saying to please call back and that if I don't call back she understands.

.. now I couldn't call her because of her phone is messed up I know for sure because her friends were telling gme about it many times. And I see a lot of people saying it on her Facebook.

so I sent a message saying I got her text and I tried calling she said she would try calling in a smart a$$ type of way but she never did. This was the day after x-mas. Last I heard of her.

her friend told me all she said was "he never called back after i texted him"

her friends don't know much because she is a really closed person doesn't tell anyone anything.

I just hate myself because I couldn't keep my mouth shut if anything I should have said these things when it mattered in the way future. Not lik ethat.

she used to say so much about me to her friends how much she felt good about us. Even when school started she would be saying stuff n all. Even when she first told me she needed the break she said its not about being single she said it's the whole relationship thing just didn't want deal with it now because I know her she is a study freak.

if anything I would like to be with this girl in the future I guess maybe after college or if I ever live near her or something again. When it matters...

any opinions or advice?

I would like to move on and see other people you know. At the sametime like her I realized its not good to be this tied down to a potential "one" this early in life. And that I really want to grow up as in maturity wise.

everyone her friends all feel bad for me too, they all say they think me and her would be better when we grow up too.

I don't know if she will ever contact me again I proly hurt her real bad in those messages stupdest crap I ever did but... one day do you think its worth it to try and start something again?

if so any suggestions on how? When that time comes..

also if she does ever call or get online and talk to me again... or message me... how do you think I should handle it? Like id like all tips and opinions and what you think.

also knowing her she won't like to bring up the past. So I duno. Its just kind of scary mannn that she is doing this to me after all these years we have never ever ever been on bad terms like this. She has always cared so much for me. Its so weird and hard.

Also id like to add I can't help but think her ex might have had a role in messing it all up. I know he always hated me and wanted her back. I can't help but think he lied and told her things I didn't say just to get her to stop talking to me? I duno...

I am so confused. How should I handle that? Should I ever bring it up with her if we do talk again or what? Because it seems like she really hates me so much I can't think of any other reason to treat me this bad out of the blue to completely kick me out of her life. Granted for one she is probably mad that I got into contact with her ex. I duno.

Alsoooo sorryy... also I did eventually send a message saying "i guess we're not really together anymore...figured i should offically say it? maybe we will run into each other again?"

And mentioned that I did try calling back and only got that 1 text and nothing else from her..

Then wrote in the message that I was sorry about stuff and that I really just want to grow up and that I am just real immature and that I realized its not good to be in a serious relationship this young. This and that. That I really met. And then I ended it with saying...
" I guess when it comes down to it I got wrapped up in the politics of the relationship and forgot the feelings I had for you, which is what is like relevant... that I was with you because you had something special that I never felt in another girl before:

And left it with that. She never replied. This was about a week ago. I am doing my best to move on, going out with buddies... clubbing trying to meet new girls. But nothing seems to match up with what I had with my ex. Granted time heals everything because I've been through messes before, and all but this girl was the first girl I actually tried so much for and she would say that same thing to me. So this is just hard. I'm sure it was hard on her too.

Check out the links in my signature, and read some of the post here about healing through No Contact.

I know that... iv been going out clubbing a lot and partying a lot and seeing other girls to get my mind off her. I've only bothered contacting her like less than 5 times in the past 2 or 3 months? Something like that. If anything I haven't contacted in 1 month.

I know NC heals I've done it before. But I mean she was different I guess.. etc you know the whole deal.

I just wanted to know how should I react if she were to talk to me again? And how should I handle it if its true her ex lied to her about things in order for her to stop talking to me like this? Any ideas? Pretty much she never "offically broke up wtih me" if anything she broke up with me by not talking tome again. I had to hear it through her ex. I duno... whatever its okayy I guess.

After all this time, I would say its official enough.