I wonder if it's the same for all women, or does each woman differ? My sex drive is higher than my mates. Sometimes she's in the mood, often times she's not. So I'm wondering: What gets you ladies in the mood?

Background: Im 27, she's 26. We've been together for almost 2 years now, we see each other on the weekends, soon to move in together (April).

Ideas?

Sorry if this seems rude, but at 27 you haven't figured this out yet?

The short answer is play to her needs and wants. What's those are is for you to find out. You will get as many answers as there are women.

Pay attention, and she will give you a road map. The are all different in their wants and needs.

Hi Eura,

Here is a fact that you should know: Men's sex drive is higher then women's.

I am a 20 year old female and my sex drive is off the peak! I don't know if it has to do w/age or me as a person. I believe every woman is different when it comes to their sexual desires. Maybe she thinks that because you have been together for quit some time, 'making love' isn't all that important when it comes to keeping a stable relationship, even though it sure helps! Did you try talking to her about the situation?

There are lots of factors that can turn a woman on. For me, just being attracted to the person inside and out is a big turn on. Just knowing what you'r partner likes will more than likely turn her on. I get in the mood easier when I haven't seen my boyfriend for awhile. If you want to get into more detail then message me personally.

I hope this has helped you!

Real Sincere feelings, once you can fake that you have it made

Hey Fr_Chuck,

What do you mean by that?

Oh yea, one great gift that women have is that they can tell when a man is faking it or not. When you are trying to give advice, give some that will actually work.

One thing that gets women in the mood for sex is exercise(but not to total exhaustion).

Nothing better than getting all the muscles going... sweat pouring... breathing heavily... being all in touch with one's body... excellent!

You could just hand over your credit card... that will get a lot of them in the mood. Nothing like a shopping spree.

Sorry if this seems rude, but at 27 you haven't figured this out yet?

The short answer is play to her needs and wants. Whats those are is for you to find out. You will get as many answers as there are women.
How can you respond with "you haven't figured this out yet", then go on to basically say it's different for all women! That's a catch-22!

So there isn't just one answer, eh? I know men's sex drives are larger. I'm 27, I'd prefer to do it 3-5 times a day, which I know won't happen. She's willing once a day, maybe twice if I'm a good boy. But I often feel like I'm forcing her to do it, rather than her being a willing participant, and I don't want to feel that way. It's not that she won't have sex, it's just that it seems I'm wayyyyy more into it than her. I don't get her crank going to well, if you know what I mean.

Nobody really gave an answer, other than exercise, and that it's in her wants and needs. What does that mean exactly? I was hoping people to say "use candles" or "buy such-and-such", etc... you know... something simple. :P Nobody said that.

That's because there IS no simple answer.

How about asking HER?

Personally, about the only thing that would make me in the mood 3-5 times a day is winning the lottery, not having to work, having a maid to do all the housework, a personal trainer to keep me fit and feeling great about my body, unlimited shopping for clothes that make me feel sexy, and plenty of time together to spend slowly building the excitement up.

Unfortunately--work, and housework, and cooking, and paying bills, and gaining weight, and basically just having other things to focus on means that once a day is great for us--but it's more like 3 times a week.

And we don't even have kids!

Well, 3-5 times a day was great when I was drunk. Now, I feel the pain. Aspirin 30 minutes before really helps. Women's bodies are made to take a lot, that doesn't mean that it feels good.

I heard a story about a young man who masturbated while hanging on a chin-up bar while banging his penis against the doorway. He had to retrain himself to respond to more gentle stimulation. I'm sure your banging is not that extreme.

How can you respond with "you haven't figured this out yet", then go on to basically say it's different for all women!? That's a catch-22!

So there isn't just one answer, eh? I know men's sex drives are larger. I'm 27, I'd prefer to do it 3-5 times a day, which I know won't happen. She's willing once a day, maybe twice if I'm a good boy. But I often feel like I'm forcing her to do it, rather than her being a willing participant, and I don't want to feel that way. It's not that she won't have sex, it's just that it seems I'm wayyyyy more into it than her. I don't get her crank going to well, if you know what I mean.

Nobody really gave an answer, other than excercise, and that it's in her wants and needs. What does that mean exactly? I was hoping people to say "use candles" or "buy such-and-such", etc... you know... something simple. :P Nobody said that.

Simple... The original question honestly seems like one a teenager might ask. The answer to it that nearly every adult male knows is women are very difficult to figure out. Do many men know exactly what makes their woman tick? No. The question presented by the OP indicates he expected a simple answer.

And by the answers we gave, it is that quite literally. You have to know exactly what it is that makes her tick and cater to that. You can NOT possibly give a do exactly this, then do exactly that answer. This is like how do you mow your yard. There are a lot of ways to get there, and not everyone is going to do it exactly the same. Start in the rear, starting in the front, what pattern, what do you use etc, basically there is not one way it has to be done or can be done. But the result is the grass gets cut.


And the 3-5 times a day thing speaks volumes. People aren't rabbits.. Women aren't into that sort of thing. That's why so many of us older guys can get the attention of young women if we want to.

A female that feels secure, loved, and wanted, will always be in the mood. Maybe not for the lust hump stuff, but the love making stuff. Breakfast in bed, or showing you care, goes a long way, and paying attention, is better than aspirin. Sometimes, just making a cup of coffee, and taking a walk will get her thinking how special you are. Everyone is different, so its important to know yourself, and the one your with, very well.

Umm if your interested 2-3 times a day and she's willing 1-2 times a day then your already doing something right lol.
Personally it's about right timing, right touch, stroking my hair, sensual touches, taking your time. If it's rushed then it feels too robotic to me and I'm not likely to orgasm.

My thought is the 3-5 times a day thing sounds more like a 17 year old without a girlfriend than a 27 year old that does.

Any mature adult that understands women and does what it takes would be consuming at a minimum 5 hours per day if they wanted to go at it 5 times a day. Women just are not into get it in, get it off, get it out mindsets.

Any person that's doing this regularly 3-5 times a day at 27 is doing so by spanking the monkey. And at that rate he is flogging it pretty bad.

And if in fact he really is 27, and in fact does have a girlfriend I think its high time someone visits a psychologist because there is an obsession or addiction here that needs treatment.

Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but there is a lot that just isn't making any sense.



The story does not match the real world facts in this case. And the more I think about this the less logical it seems.

I like to feel appreciated and respected. If I have an extremely long day and I'm beat I know I have to go pick up my daughter, help with her homework, do dishes, cook, clean, do laundry and anything that needs to be done for the following day like laying out clothes or making lunches. If I come home dreading working again until bed and my husband has dinner made the garbage taken out, dishes done and laundry in the process you better believe I will "reward" him for doing such a thoughtful and helpful thing to help me be able to relax and not have so much to do. It's the really little things for me.

Yup, my feelings too. There is no way this woman is getting pleased out of 1 min wham bamb sex... she's probably bored silly and that's why he isn't getting it as much as he wants. If your not going to put something in it for her then I'm betting she's getting turned off.
We women like orgasms too!!

Yup, my feelings too. There is no way this woman is getting pleased out of 1 min wham bamb sex....she's probably bored silly and thats why he isn't getting it as much as he wants. If your not going to put something in it for her then I'm betting she's getting turned off.
We women like orgasms too!!!
I actually make sure she gets an orgasm first. She never gets one during sex, and for obvious reasons that you can imagine, I don't do it after. If I do her first with oral, she becomes more sensitive, and therefore craves sex more. It's not 1 min wam-bam, maybe 15-20 minutes. Sometimes 10 if we got to get food at the store. :P

A female that feels secure, loved, and wanted, will always be in the mood. Maybe not for the lust hump stuff, but the love making stuff. Breakfast in bed, or showing you care, goes a long way, and paying attention, is better than aspirin. Sometimes, just making a cup of coffee, and taking a walk will get her thinking how special you are. Everyone is different, so its important to know yourself, and the one your with, very well.
I couldn't give you more reps talan, because I value your opinions so much already, but I do agree with you here. Thank you very much.

I actually make sure she gets an orgasm first. She never gets one during sex, and for obvious reasons that you can imagine, i dont do it after. If I do her first with oral, she becomes more sensitive, and therefore craves sex more. It's not 1 min wam-bam, maybe 15-20 minutes. Sometimes 10 if we gotta get food at the store. :P

That's still a pretty quick session even at 15-20 minutes by my standards. I consider 45 - 60 minutes about right, Wife seems to be ecstatic as well. But will admit that's longer than some people, maybe even a lot of people.

10 minutes in my mind is still a wham bam session. Look at a woman like a classic car on a really cold day... it takes a while to get the engine warmed up. Until it gets warmed up you just aren't going to be enjoying the drive.

Older guys know how to make it last, and once you learn how to relax, take your time, and enjoy it, so will she. Quickies have there place no doubt, but the pleasure is more in the journey, not the finish.

Something new, experiment but play it safe don't go arranging a gang bang lol. Being romantic. DO STUFF FOR HER and only her till she wants to repay the favour

Thats still a pretty quick session even at 15-20 minutes by my standards. I consider 45 - 60 minutes about right, Wife seems to be ecstatic as well. But will admit thats longer than some people, maybe even a lot of people.
Wow. No way. Unless you're counting fore play too, I wasn't. But I still wouldn't be able to reach 45-60 on a consistent basis. Ive tried before but I just can't hold it in that long. Im lucky I can last as long as I can now! Hah! But its not because I won't, its because I cant. Im so sensative that sometimes walking around in loose pants almost gets me off. Its just something I have to live with, but I don't mind!

Red wine and chocolate,taking baths together,massages,kissing her ears or neck... done spontaneuously

Foot massages, I give good foot. "specially while watching TV. You can do that in front of the kids.

Wow. No way. Unless you're counting fore play too, I wasn't. But I still wouldnt be able to reach 45-60 on a consistant basis. Ive tried before but I just can't hold it in that long. Im lucky I can last as long as I can now! hah! But its not because i wont, its because i cant. Im so sensative that sometimes walking around in loose pants almost gets me off. Its just something i have to live with, but i dont mind!

Its all a state of mind... seriously. The difference between 10 minutes and 3 hours can be all a combination of putting yourself in the right state of mind (change your focus off the task at hand will reduce the stimulation somewhat) and pacing yourself.

You don't run a sprint and a marathon using the same tactics, you can't do the same here either.

Of course there may be another thing at play as well depending if you are cut or uncut. I'm cut.


Exactly how do you do this? I'm not sure how to explain this as its something I taught myself in college. I know how to do it but I don't know how to put it into words that are clear and easy to understand. But in simple terms you change your focus to something not as stimulating as your mate. But still keeping up with her. You really have to multi task to keep part of your mind focused on her while distracting yourself.

First of all Eura, 3-5 times a day is way too much to expect. Seriously, if you want that EVERY day, you're going to want to rotate girls (not recommended), because that amount of sex would really begin to chafe. You can't expect it that often, no matter how high her sex drive is, and no matter how wet she gets - after a while it'll just be painful.

That's not to say that getting her in the mood won't improve your sex life. But you should know that there's no failsafe technique. And even if you find something that works for her, repeating it over and over will just be boring and lose its effectiveness pretty quickly.

To begin with, just make sure she's relaxed. If she's stressing over something or is just distracted, she probably won't be that keen. If life's going OK for her, she's more likely to be up for it. That said, some girls feel that sex relieves a lot of tension, and that it helps them reduce stress. It really depends on her.
On top of this, she has to feel like she's wanted. Make sure she knows how great her body is, and how much you care about her as a person. Compliment her, make furtive glances in her direction until she notices, touch her body in non-sexual ways to begin with.

She also has to be in tune with her body. At certain times of her menstrual cycle, she'll probably not want to do it at all, no matter what you do, because it's messy and her overall enjoyment will be decreased. At other times she'll be raring to go and you won't be able to hold her back.
As well as her cycle, her body has to feel good overall. Some exercise might help, but if she's exhausted she'll be reluctant.

Foreplay is important. That doesn't just mean going down on her. Start slow and work your way around her body. A lot of guys make the mistake of going straight for the zones that they know are sensitive. For most girls, the ENTIRE BODY is an erogenous zone. Giver her a massage. Run your fingers lightly over her neck. Nibble her ear. Try something new. Variety is good! Seriously, if you vary your attention and give her a slower buildup before you even begin to touch her in sensitive areas she'll be very turned on.

Occasional reminders of how special she is won't go astray. Small compliments and kisses. Buying something for her just because you know that she likes it - cds, chocolates, a hat, scented oils - whatever she's into. Just making her feel good about herself. This good old-fashioned thing called romance that the world seems to have forgotten.

And again, the all important factor that guys seem to forget - VARIETY!!

Another fun thing you could try (although you might not like it) is abstaining for a few days. If your sex drive is as high as you say it is, by going a couple of days without initiating anything you might get her attention a lot more than you realise. Make her start things sometimes - and those times you'll know she really wants it.

Right... I've ranted enough. Go get her tiger. ;)

Kal

Smoothy, thank you for your responses. I tried to reply with reputation but it wouldn't let me.

KalFour... YES! THANK YOU!! Exactly what I was looking for! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

just piling on what's been said.

something has to give. I have been in relationships where I was the undersexed, pent up arse who wanted to kick puppies and punch holes in walls (actually did once accidentally break the corner of a sink off at 2am by pulling on it too hard when my lover snubbed me for the third night in a row. Oops. Don't pull on sink corners when you are sexually frustrated). I never did the puppy thing.

and... I've also been in a situations where my lover thought I was being lazy and unattentive because, well, I was being... uh... lazy and unattentive, I guess. It can happen if you aren't paying attention.

my concern is this... that you are going to spend all your time feeling like you control your urges and what does that get you? If you are lucky, sex everyday. Which, still, if its 1 out of three times, is a lot of your time spent thinking you are being deprived.

think life doesn't get more complicated? Try having a kid. I have a four year old. If we had to give him a descriptive superhero name itd be "The Sexblocker"... there are times when we literally have to arrange for outside child care just so we can have a few hours alone, and by alone I mean having sex without rushing, locking doors, or opening a bag of cheese puffs and putting on "cars" and hoping the processed food/dvd induced coma will keep him occupied long enough to pretend what were are doing is remotely sexy.

mkay... =)... getting off topic here?

not really. Point is it has all the potential in the world to go downhill from here. Doesn't mean it will. It means its work. And compromise. And compromise in my experience usually means having sex when my partner wants it. I'm sooooo less picky now. Morning breath? Who cares! Bed head? Well I meant bed "hair", but I guess its OK either way.

and on her side... if you are just constantly poking and prodding and sulking and all... well, she's not going to feel like there's a healthy connection. Sex isn't about a quota. And sexual pressure can be killer on the libido.

its OK to say "i really want this" or "i would like to have more sex"... its just talk. But if you two are really in different places sexually, there might be a compatibility issue. Take a good long look at the threads here and you'll see lots of people who write in, a dozen years into a marriage that has drifted into the near asexual stage, and they are miserable.

now... the retort is that this is a help forum... not "come write about your happy, great sex life" forum. The people who are content and well pleasured have little to complain about. They are napping nicely after their nooner.

so... as stated... the best you can do is try to make this about the both of you, and that happens through talking. You need to engage her and see you're meeting her needs (even if that means you go without some) and you need to feel like you just aren't cutting off an emotional limb by denying what you say you want more times a day than some people brush their teeth.

healthy means she is willing to chase you down some for sex, not just be the one who submits or passively allows it to be "done." healthy means you understand its more about sensuality than sex. The more you can get in her head, the more she will be willing to meet you in the middle. And healthy means talking about it openly and constructively, without blame or anger. Knowing your reality just helps you understand whether this is OK for you in the long run.

I "talk" a lot.

Here is the great news in my twentys I had sex to please the man in my life.
Oh sure I enjoyed it too but not as much as him. Then came thirty and it really started to be fun by 35 I was a walking orgasm It was all I could think about... and still is.
So relax the best is yet to so to speak
Ideas
Draw your girl a bath with lots of candles and bubbles
(take a local massage course or buy a book and read how to give a great massage)
Put on sexy music Erotica by madonna or something sexy then get the candles out and give us a killer massage start at the feet and work your way up just barely touch us in the spots that count she will be all over you by the end.

Offer to paint her nails on her toes.

Buy sex toes there is a cute little massager called a bullet mMMMMmmm delicious.

Just a few to get you started

I wonder if it's the same for all women, or does each woman differ? My sex drive is higher than my mates. Sometimes she's in the mood, often times she's not. So I'm wondering: What gets you ladies in the mood?

Background: Im 27, she's 26. We've been together for almost 2 years now, we see each other on the weekends, soon to move in together (April).

Ideas?
By the way they have books about acting out fantasies by her one and you have your copy talk by phone and tell each other which one turns you on.

Write her a poem there are several sites on line to help

Have her write down what she likes and you write down what you like.Ro

Make up the story of Us Discuss how you felt when you saw her her hair the dress How you could not wait to touch her feel her skin etc

Begin hours before--appeal to her emotions with little notes, a single rose, a sweet card, help with the laundry, take out the garbage without being begged to do so, vacuum out her car and even wash the insides of the windows, get that haircut she's been hounding you to get, offer to flip the mattress and put on clean sheets (with hospital corners), brush her hair off her cheek and give her a tiny kiss on her temple--do little things you know will make her happy.

At the Main Event is not when you should start romancing and being nice. Romance and being nice happens during the hours before.

Ok, here are some things that gets me in the mood. It may work for your lady. See I actually like watching porn with my husband especially if I want to get him in the mood. I am the one that always wants it, not him. Kind of weird since men are suppose to have a higher sex drive... Anyway, I like to watch a porn movie(with a guy and girl in it) and snuggle together and then I would just start rubbing him and kissing him. You get what I'm saying. Another thing is to go for a walk holding hands on a nice day and then maybe a picnic. Go for a long drive and then park somewhere and watch the sun go down. You could even draw her a bubble bath with candles around the tub with rose pedals coming from the bathroom to the front door(have it ready before she comes home). You could have dinner cooked for her after a long day of work. Just show her that you are interested in her and not just her body. Women like it when men listen to them and show them that they care. You could also buy her favorite flowers and have them sent to her work or school with a very sweet love poem or letter. Tell her that you love her. Ask her how her day was... just show her that you are interested. Well, I hope this is helpful. Good luck, I know you can do it. Have Fun!!

I have read allot of answers on this and I must say. Wow. I am older and my sex drive is high. My wife is in her prime. She wants sex all the time. I'm not trying to beat a dead hoarse here but. Wait for it. When she hits her 30's you will regret posting this. I am not trying to be rude. If you won't to have more sex how about asking her what turns her on and what she likes and dislikes. That's if you don't know. I always find what works is pore her a hot bath with bubbles light some candles, as well get some floating candles for the tub. Get a stereo and put it on the floor and play her some music. Place a bottle of wine near the tub with a glass with 1 rose. As well place a card agents the bottle of wine and tell her how much you love her. Basically be spontaneous, woman love it. Hope this one helped you out. ;)

I always find what works is pore her a hot bath with bubbles light some candles, as well get some floating candles for the tub. Get a stereo and put it on the floor and play her some music. place a bottle of wine near the tub with a glass with 1 rose. as well place a card agents the bottle of wine and tell her how much you love her. Basically be spontaneous, woman love it. Hope this one helped you out. ;)

Lol... be spontaneous? There doesn't seem to be much spontaneity in that, it sounds like a routine procedure.

Sure, it can work, but don't try the same thing over and over again, it'll lose its magic.

Kal

This is so not going to turn in to an argument.. What is your point????? If it is going to loss it's magic why don't you give this person a better answer. This is a point and your point did not help any. Please KalFour due tell, so we all "man" can learn? I only offered advise, not something this person should do all the time. My romance life is great and it has been strong for years. If you have something to offer please add something rather then criticizing peoples answers.

Kal already did. She gave an awesome bunch of suggestions. Please read them on page 3.

(It's "lose" and "its" and "do tell" and "advice" and "men" by the way. There are other mistakes but "this is so not going to turn into an..." English class.)

It's great to hear that your sex drive is up there... and it should be, after all... your in your twenties. See, for women... their sexual prime is 30's... and OHH MYYY GOSH, is this true. Sad thing is... while she's getting nasty at this age, you're wondering why the hell Shaquille O'neal is now a PHOENIX SUN at your age.

In the mean time... ask yourself this question... YOU Want to MAKE LOVE? OR ?
You know there's a difference right... and don't forget, so DO WOMEN.

What puts women in the mood? Is that a paradoxical question or what?:)

My boyfriend will do several things that will put me in the mood, but they are a bit riske so you might want to be cautious before applying these to your girlfriend, as she may not respond in the same way.
A very subtle thing my boyfriend does when we watch movies or we're out with friends eating or something, is he'll put his hand on the inner part of my leg, and stroke my leg slightly.
If we're watching a movie where no one can see, he'll start stroking higher up into the inner part of my leg, but he won't go any further.
This will drive me crazy and make me want to get home PRONTO!
This is good because it's subtle, but somewhat obvious that you want to arouse her. So if she let's you sort of slowly stroke higher up her leg, it should mean she likes it.
Remember, it's a very subtle foreplay. So you don't want to start feeling her up in the movie theater! It's only very subtly stroking the inner part of her leg.
And she may reciprocate the move on you!
Another thing my boyfriend will do is while we're waiting in line, or talking to friends while waiting for something, basically when we're standing and not walking, he will hold me from behind and wrap his arms around my stomach, so both of our bodies are completely aligned against each others and he will slowly hold me tighter against him. Or he'll bring my hips closer to him, and he'll press himself more onto me.
No one can really see it, it only looks like we're hugging, when we're secretly preparing to get frisky.
Haha so, again these work for me, your girlfriend may demand something different. But I'm sure with time you should be able to figure them out yourself. These can be done when your alone as well, not necessarily around other people!
I hope this helps! Have fun!

I wonder if it's the same for all women, or does each woman differ? My sex drive is higher than my mates. Sometimes she's in the mood, often times she's not. So I'm wondering: What gets you ladies in the mood?

Background: Im 27, she's 26. We've been together for almost 2 years now, we see each other on the weekends, soon to move in together (April).

Ideas?
I find neck touching. Back rubbing and fingers massaging my face gets me going every time. That and dirty talk combined I'm a goner

Eura
So how did Valentines Day Go??

Everyone has some great advice and ideas.

Women are a strange breed, (I can say this I am one), one moment we don't want it, then we do, then we can't get enough, lol

I am in my 40's and I am now over the child bearing years and no longer afraid of getting pregnant, am settled in my career, we have the mortgage almost paid off. These issues and some others were a concern for me 24 years ago, so sex everyday wasn't a high priority - just a thought?

Your g/f might be seeing your needs as sex - not love making, and is only doing it to please you and your needs, (yes, a lot of women will do this), take a step back and let her take the initiative for a change?

Dinner at a lovely restaurant, an expensive gift, and some savoir faire in the bedroom.

I wonder if it's the same for all women, or does each woman differ? My sex drive is higher than my mates. Sometimes she's in the mood, often times she's not. So I'm wondering: What gets you ladies in the mood?

Background: Im 27, she's 26. We've been together for almost 2 years now, we see each other on the weekends, soon to move in together (April).

Ideas?

Suggest you spoil her the best you know how - then ask her.

She won't find it easy to answer: and, remember, the answer is not always the same.

A man that can make me feel loved and desired does it every time: but in a l/t relationship, to show this seems to get harder for men to achieve...

Good luck - glad you care enough to ask the question!

I think no pressure is the only way to get her in the mood.

Anything else is 'payment'. By that I mean a fancy dinner, massage, etc. She knows what the motive is.

Making a big deal of it with displays of affection only adds more pressure.

If she's in the mood, she's in the mood. If she isn't, she isn't.

My problem is the other way around. I'm way more into sex than my boyfriend is, and we're both 18. I was the one at the beginning of the relationship that wanted sex 3 times a day and usually got it. Now I'm lucky if he really wants to do it every other day. However, I'm just saying that all people are different, and if you've been together for two years, you should know by now what makes her happy. And maybe she isn't as into sex as you are. Full body massages not only help to relax, but they help to get in the mood. If you aren't dedicated to putting her in the mood three times a day, maybe you should stick back and keep it to one. Less often makes me want it more, and if it's more spread out, it feels much better. I know that I'm not as experienced, but I have to go through turning my man on usually. Dedicate time into foreplay, too.

Another way to keep a relationship interesting is to buy a love coupon book. Then she would be able to give you the coupon when she feels in the mood and get what she wants. It's pretty win-win.

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