I dated this guy back in the day. I really liked him and then he acted like a jerk to me. He broke up with me to go out with some girl he had been trying to get with for a while. Well everyonce in awhile he calls here to find out how Im doing. He keeps bringing up taking me out to dinner, and taking me to pick out a ring, and saying" when we get married..." and sex stuff. I don't want to marry him and I don't want to have sex with him. He is ugly inside. The thought of him being near me makes me physically sick. I did not tell him that but I did tell him I don't know how many times I willl never marry him. The other day he called to find out if I had gotten his card. He brought up marriage and when I told him" I do not love you. I will be your friend if you want, but please dont bring up the marriage. It will not happen." He just snickered. He had told me on a few occasions that we would either have to get married or I would have to be his mistress cause he could never imagine not having me in his bed and that it didn't matter how much he loved his wife she would just have to deal with it. Who would want to be with someone who talks in such a way? Maybe Im being too nice to him. Any suggestions on getting him to get the darned picture?

I think you need to be as honest as you can. Even it means being harsh. Tell him you don't want him to call anymore. You want nothing to do with him. Seriously from what your saying he sounds like he can be potentially dangerous.

I believe you are right. I have a hard time with it though. I have wanted to say these things to him before but I can't make myself do it. I get scared and I panic.

You need to tell him soon. Just tell him over the phone or in an e-mail. If he reacts unreasonably tell him you are going to call the police if he doesn't leave you alone. If he bugs you again then call the authorities and get a restraining order. I know it sounds like too much to deal with, but this can become serious and you need to protect yourself. Things like this need to be taken very seriously.

Hello,

I know you maybe trying to spare feelings or other things? He is talking to you like you have something going on and in his mind there is something between you. Have you given him any reason to feel this way? I would say set him straight. No more marriage talk, no more sex talk, no more of any talk, no more dinner talk, no more ring talk. Let him know that you are not comfortable with the way he talks and that you do not want to be with him ever. You do not mind being friends with him but that behaviour needs to stop. If telling him the truth, letting him know how you feel does not work then Maybe you will have to take it to the next step. Go as far as saying you do not want to talk to him anymore. Enough is enough.
What do you think? May sound rash or tough but you said that just the thought of certain things makes you sick. Maybe you should tell him that. The only thing I would be afraid of is him going off the deep end and harassing you or even stalking you.

Joe

If he is ugly on the inside, why do you even want to be his friend?

If you are having troubles approching him by yourself, bring a friend along to give you moral support when you tell him. That might make it a bit easier for you.

He helped me in a bad time once before he decided to become a jerkwad. I really don't call him. I called him once to check on his mama because she had had an injury getting out of her car and she is a very sweet lady. When we had first started dating he was not confident of himself. He has a big scar from a surgery he had but I did not care about that. I always told him how handsome he was and I was affectionate towards him. His confidence seemed to grow from that which was great but then he turned into a big meanie. He had been married before and they got divorced because she would not sleep with him anymore and then later he was engaged to a virgin who broke up with him and broke his heart. She was very cruel to him. I guess he remembers I was kind to him.

I am not saying do not be kind, but you do need to let him know how you feel and if he truly cares for you, he will back off. People change sometimes. I just hope that everything works out. Telling the truth may seem unkind but it is better in the long run.

Forget being nice, a lot of guys don't get it when women are nice about letting them down. You have tried that obviously, and its not hitting home with him. I would tell this guy to buzz off. I know it will suck for you, but in the long run it will make things a lot easier for the both of you. A lot of guys don't get the picture, or just refuse to recognize it all together. I say just lay it out plain and simple for him. :mad: :p

Hi,
If you don't want to call him, and politely tell him to stop calling you, then I would do either of the following:
1. When he calls, if you know it's he, using Caller ID or whatever, don't answer the phone.
2. If he calls, and you do answer the phone, just simply hang up. It's rude, but maybe he will eventually get the message.
At any rate, if you don't call him and tell him to stop bothering you, then don't talk with him at all; about his mother, or anything!

Seriously - the next time he calls - just tell him straight that he is deluding himself and that you don't want anything to do with him anymore.

If you have caller ID and he phones again just don't pick up the phone to him ever again. If you don't have caller ID and you answer then do as Fredg suggested, hang up. If necessary get your number changed. This guy is just being a menice and it sounds like he thoroughly enjoys winding you up!

Qyuit answering the phone, Quit hanging out with him. Tell him you're busy - he will get it.

BUT, it sounds lie you may want more IF he passes your tests.

Qyuit answering the phone, Quit hanging out with him. Tell him you're busy - he will get it.

BUT, it sounds lie you may want more IF he passes your tests.

I mean no disrespect WildCat but I think you have a distorted image of what women want.

I think crankie is a little weary of him and what he might do - if she wanted more from him she would have come right out and said so. Crankie is a very honest person and always tells things how they are. I don't think she would be asking us this question if she wanted more from the guy.

Wildcat; your womenometer is not working so well today!! Lol

Nope. I don't.

Dear, darling wildcat. You may want to go back and read my post. I did not break up with him any way. He broke up with me to pursue someone else. I am not physically or sexually attracted to him or even mentally attracted to him so there's no point in a relationship. I do not hang out with him ever. I probably should get a caller id though. I am not testing him. There is nothing to test. You know what wildcat?? Yes, I want the darned pedestal!! That's riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight I said the darned pedestal!! I don't want him though. I loved a man along time ago. He always gave me the space I needed and didn't baby me. When we were together he treated me like a queen and placed me above everyone else. I appreciated the space he gave me but I loved the queen treatment even more. I love the pedestal!! Give me the pedestal!!

Of course. I read all that.

You still give this guy a lot of attention. Why??

Did I say anythig about a Pedestal? Nope. You don't want that. And if he gace you the sapce he knew what he was doing - that's not pedestal.

I am sure you want a needy, clingy guy, who calls you 5 times a day, pays for everything, always agreeable, never puts you in your place, worships you. Yeah, that's it.

Wildcat you are a dumbbutt. The guy who keeps calling me is not the one I was referring to who gave me the space that I was talking about. READ MY WORDS VERY CAREFULLY!! I do not ever call him. I do not ever hang out with him. You don't know a darned thing about women. No I do not want a needy clingy guy that pays for everything. Women do not want all the stuff that you said. Women don't want to be smothered no but we do like attention. Most of the time women have affairs or dump men is not always because of clingyness but because the man doesn't give the attention needed. Get over what ever woman screwed you over and stop thinking you know everything about women. You mention pedestals all the time in your posts. Yes I do want a pedestal. Don't tell me how I feel.

Of course. I read all that.

You still give this guy a lot of attention. Why?????

Did I say anythig about a Pedestal? Nope. You don't want that. And if he gace you the sapce he knew what he was doing - that's not pedestal.

I am sure you want a needy, clingy guy, who calls you 5 times a day, pays for everything, always agreeable, never puts you in your place, worships you. Yeah, that's it.

A guy who calls 5 times a day is not clingy, he has some serious problems.

Hahaha! You don't read my posts - I know who you're talking.

Thanks for the rip. Read my post again - I know who you're talking. You're the one not reading.

No dear you did not mention it in this post but yes you are always saying" women dont want to be on a pedestal" You are the only one I know of in here that says that.

His behavior borders on harassment. You may need to take legal action to keep him from contacting you. Although it may seem that a restraining order isn't necessarily called for, it doesn't sound like he's going to let up on bugging you about the marriage part. Perhaps in lieu of an actual restraining order you could apply for an order of civil restraint. Practically it functions the same as a restraining order except that an initial violation doesn't mean jail ; rather, an initial violation results in the issue of an actual restraining order so it's like a "pre-restraining order", so to speak. This may sound harsh but this guy's obviously a pest and frankly that's the only way I see of getting him to leave you alone.

Well if that's what it takes then. Apparently he called while I was napping or something cause I never heard the phone ring but he left a message on my machine wanting to know, " sweetie, are you mad at me? Are you okay? Call me if you need anything. I love you sweetie. Bye." I may just get a number change. Im also wondering if I tell him " yes I want to marry you" (crossing myself now) then he will no longer be interested because by me telling him "no" I'm a challenge right? So If I say " yes" maybe he will back off? Does any one understand what Im saying? I confuse my own self sometimes. Or would that just back fire? Maybe I should just get a number change.

well if thats what it takes then. Apparently he called while I was napping or something cause I never heard the phone ring but he left a message on my machine wanting to know, " sweetie, are you mad at me? Are you okay? Call me if you need anything. I love you sweetie. Bye." I may just get a number change. Im also wondering if I tell him " yes I want to marry you" (crossing myself now) then he will no longer be interested because by me telling him "no" im a challenge right? so If I say " yes" maybe he will back off? Does any one understand what Im saying? I confuse my own self sometimes. Or would that just back fire? Maybe I should just get a number change.

What! Don't do that. Then you will be playing games with him. He seems unstable so don't make things unclear for him. Be blunt and serious.

well if thats what it takes then. Apparently he called while I was napping or something cause I never heard the phone ring but he left a message on my machine wanting to know, " sweetie, are you mad at me? Are you okay? Call me if you need anything. I love you sweetie. Bye." I may just get a number change. Im also wondering if I tell him " yes I want to marry you" (crossing myself now) then he will no longer be interested because by me telling him "no" im a challenge right? so If I say " yes" maybe he will back off? Does any one understand what Im saying? I confuse my own self sometimes. Or would that just back fire? Maybe I should just get a number change.

I understand what you are saying and if this guy was not so pushey then I would agree but I don't think reverse pshycology is the answer in this situation.

You need to illiminate him very quickly.

Hahaha! You don't read my posts - I know who you're talking.

Thanks for the rip. Read my post again - I know who you're talking. You're the one not reading.

Wildcat - whilst I respect you and most of your answers and I thank you for your help in some of my threads; I do think you need to get down off your hgh horse in this thread. Your opinions are not always correct and in this thread I think you are going off the ball.

Not being nasty just giving positive critism so please don't take what I say the wrong way!

Make it very clear to him in language that he can not fail to understand that you do not want to be with him and that you will not change your mind about it and tell him to stop calling you. From that point on do not answer his calls. Us guys have heard so much about women playing hard to get that when we think there is something real there we refuse to see the obvious. I was in a situation once where I was dating a girl and all of a sudden she was "busy" all the time for a period of about 3 weeks. I kept askign her if she was avoiding me and she would give me some pleasant reply like no I'm just really busy. I eventually told her "Well then I'll leave you alone until you are not busy and have some time to spend with me" and I never heard from her again. But the entire point leading up to that I was getting mixed signals and it would have been much better for both of us if she had just plainly stated that she was no longer interested. I know at least for me I deal much better with flat out honesty. Any mixed signals I am getting will be noted as mixed signals, but I will try to take them in the best possible light. I bet most guys would agree.

I understand this guy helped you out in a time of need, but friend or not he's being obnoxious! What guy talks that way and expects to be taken seriously "ill have you in my bed as my mistress ans my wife will have to deal with that"(I may have mis qouted" but I got the jist) What does that say about this guys moral or ethical values? He sounds like an arrogant jerk.

I know he maybe a friend to you but if you seriously want this guy to back off with all the dating and sex talk he keeps throwing at you, You may have to cut off all ties with him. Maybe then he will take it seriously. After you do, no calling him or his family, I know you have a good relationship with his mom but you have to think about yourself first in the situation.

How does his mom feel about this behavior? For some strange reason guys like this think they can have some sort of power over you and be manipulating don't give that to him.:mad:

I understand this guy helped you out in a time of need, but friend or not he's being obnoxious! What guy talks that way and expects to be taken seriously "ill have you in my bed as my mistress ans my wife will have to deal with that"(i may have mis qouted" but I got the jist) What does that say about this guys moral or ethical values? He sounds like an arrogant jerk.

I know he maybe a friend to you but if you seriously want this guy to back off with all the dating and sex talk he keeps throwing at you, You may have to cut off all ties with him. Maybe then he will take it seriously. After you do, no calling him or his family, i know you have a good relationship with his mom but you have to think about yourself first in the situation.

How does his mom feel about this behavior? For some strange reason guys like this think they can have some sort of power over you and be manipulating don't give that to him.:mad:

I have had this myself. Been manipulated, controlled etc. Trust me, unless you take a stand and actually make it perfectly clear to this guy (by cutting all ties etc) he will not get the hint and will continue his little games.

I got me a good caller id. He called and I did not answer the phone. His mama misses me and the kids and wants me to come live with her and she reminds him every day of how he let a good thing get away. She's such a sweet lady. Hasn't been doing very well lately. Then he said " well dear hopefully we can talk about wedding plans soon as everything is settled and ......... " well the list goes on. Im wondering if his mama didn't put him up to this wedding thing. I ought to have a talk with her and get her to talk to him. He is a real mamas boy and usually does what ever mommy tells him. Do you think it would be a good idea to talk to her about it?

It's possible his mum had some influence, it would not hurt to chat to her about it and explain that there is nothing between you and her son.

Well done on getting Caller Id and for not answering the phone :)

I would talk to her about what's going on and explain your feelings to her about her son. Tell her the things he has put you through. I know most mom's especially ones of boys especially "mama's boys" like to think that their "little boys" do no wrong(not all but some) but if she cares about you and your kids and it seems as though she does, then I'm sure she will listen to you and maybe she can have a talk with him. If he isn't going to listen to anyone else then hopefully he listens to his mama.:rolleyes:

Hey Crankie, is that a picture of you and your kids, on your avatar? What a cute picture.:D

Thank you very much:D

thankyou very much:D

Is it really a wonder why this guy won't leave you aone (even if he is an arse) your gorgeous :) and you girls take after you completely.

:o Oh now I am blushing. Thank you!

:o Oh now I am blushing. thank you!

No need to blush - just being honest :)

He's not the one who needs to get the picture. You are.

What the hell you want a friend for who is ugly inside and who makes you feel sick?

Change your number.

He's not the one who needs to get the picture. You are.

What the hell you want a friend for who is ugly inside and who makes you feel sick?

Change your number.



This post is over 2 years old - OP is not going to see your answer.

He is a jerk. Why are you still talking to him? He is treating you as though he owns you. You are an object to him and as long as you communicate with him he thinks he can get you back.

This post is over 2 years old - OP is not going to see your answer.

Maybe not, but then.. . You did. Perhaps the OP will wander in here like we did.

Maybe not, but then . . . you did. Perhaps the OP will wander in here like we did.


Or perhaps it will get pulled like our last exchange on this same subject -

Why do people bring up dead old posts?

Why do people bring up dead old posts?


I really don't know - particularly when there are so many new people looking for answers. And then when you remind the poster that it's an old post (thinking maybe they don't notice) they get defensive, insulting, they end getting pulled.

I think many of the threads get closed after a certain period, anyway.

Often reading through their other responses is eye opening.