What is a good age to get married, have a house, and start a family?

I would say it is more of a maturity, some are ready at 20, some are never.

I don't think it so much of an age issue as a 'what have you done' issue. For instance, do you have a job? A checking account? A car? A loan? Paid off a loan? Filed a tax return? Balanced your checkbook without help? Graduated from secondary school or higher? Employment history? Purchased life insurance?

When you are both sure that you have the right person, are mature, and ready to move in together. Pre-marital counseling is great, and can help you make sure that the time and person is right.

You will know when the time is right. As dumb as that sounds. I am a firm believer in the fact that your heart is never wrong. Nothing is foolproof, nothing is for certain. Someone can always get hurt and things can always change. But if you follow your heart you will never regret what you did, and being able to live without regret is the key to happiness no matter what is going on.

that's sweet about follow your heart, I also believe that.
I think I have found the one. We have dated 2 years and never broken up or been in any big fights. We always try and talk things out.
but we are too young now to marry, but I was just wondering what anyone thought a good age was.
we do have great jobs already and are mature enough I think.
anyway thanks. =D

what is a good age to get married, have a house, and start a family?
Two years after you started dating a guy and he still is the same guy he pretended to be when you met him. Two years means the courting behavior, often filled with misrepresentations and irrelevant attraction, has given way to real behavior and you have had a chance to really see who the guy is, and he you. If you're both still after each other, go for it. Any age.

If this is true for you now, the rest is stuff you can accomplish together as a committed team. You're going to continue to mature longer than he will, so if the guy he is today is great, then waiting could be pointless.

Oh yeah, and stay out of debt. Seriously. Car payments and credit cards are the leading basis of marital fights and money is central in most breakups (not solely, but a lot). Keep debt out of your house and you two will always have a solid foundation. Anything you could buy on credit you can buy in cash cheaper, and I mean anything. (celebrating our 25th anniversary next year with a cash trip to Paris, shopping the deals is so much fun)

As soon as possible. There is no age for marriage if you are mature.. but there is the time when you meet the right person.

I have to disagree with everyone on this one. I think it should be early 30's and late 20's. Being married is a job in itself. You need two adult with a little understanding of life and that is something you don't have at in the early 20's. This why our divorce rates are such as they are. What type of career do you have at age 20? What type of income is this new young family going to have. 1# reason for divorce is financial. To young people get together and realize they can afford the these they wanted and blame each other. When you finish HS what age 17-18?

Then you have a young man with this super sex drive trying to keep his urges at bay. Which brings me to adultery... when this young man is faced with the oppunity to cheat. What exactly does he have to fall back on..

I disagree with those who say marriage comes after late 20's... What does the person has to do while waiting to get 30? Sleep with whoever he likes ? Weird logic. Why not start right at the beginning.. What other choices does the person has beside marriage ?

Marriage has to do with maturity not with 20's or 30's.

I don't think it so much of an age issue as a 'what have you done' issue. For instance, do you have a job? a checking account? a car? a loan? paid off a loan? filed a tax return? balanced your checkbook without help? graduated from secondary school or higher? employment history? purchased life insurance?

George_1950 your killing me... I love you to death and normally we are on the same page but I have to disagree here. That is practical advice but you have to answer this from a parents point of view. Are you with me?


stylistjennifer, the right age to marry, move out of the house and leave your poor mother is 40. Okay actually move out, but move next door. Do not marry or start anything without checking with her first. In fact do not even date its too hard on her. Just enjoy being a single young woman.

She has already had it tough when you started to walk. When you were five and she had to leave you at school, do you have any idea what that must have been like for her? Traumatic I tell you, traumatic.

Now you move ahead past your 1st crush, the 1st time you had your period, your 1st date, your permit, your drivers license, 1st party, My goodness your graduation from flippin high school! This poor woman is still hanging on here. You add that to your 1st job, need for independence, your 1st client and now you want to add marriage, kids and a home?!

Child, stop before this poor woman has a freaking heartache. Forget marriage, kids, house for many years. Your mother needs the break. The only person that will continue to benefit from any of this is Kleenex and all of it's shareholders.

Sincerely,
A mother

Mr_am but think about how many mature 20 year olds do you know. Yes... has to do with maturity however the majority of the people in the that age group are not mature. I'm not saying don't date until age 30 I'm saying don't marry at that age. I gave two real important reasons. I think numbers are 50% of marriages end in divorce. So instead of throwing rice we should just flip coins.

Here is an example two people meet in High School. They fall in love. They at the time live at home with the parents.

Do they plan on going to college?

Exactly, Marriedguy but I still say no way, 40!

The only thing marriage is for; having kids. Besides sex is better without the bonds.

Okay kidding marriage is more, I guess, but just slow down. Learn to enjoy each other before you try to grow up so quickly. Slow down and keep doing what you are doing, living life almost responsibility free. Life is not about who gets to the finish line first. There is no rush here.

An old friend of mine dated his wife all through college. His wife pressured him to get married. Her argument was we have been dating 4 years and he simply said, that was college, it's not the same. He never cheated, not once. He had as many opportunities as anybody all through college but he loved her. It wasn't about being a guy. They dated another 2/3 I think. They married and enjoyed each other for many more years before having children. If you asked him he would tell you marriage is hard. It's fulfilling but tough and look how long he waited.

There is no time limit, no certain age but Marriedguy is right, maturity comes with age and only because of life experiences. A wedding is a wonderful experience, as is the courtship period you are in now. But it's when your married, have actual disagreements, children thrown into the mix and little to no sex, that's when this advice will make more sense.

Take your time and just enjoy the ride. You are at a wonderful time in your life, eliminate the pressures of time limits and your desire to play house, it's not as easy or as bliss all the time. It's a wonderful gift and when your time comes, you will share have it but be better prepared as it will allow you such a better future with whomever the lucky man is.

I agree with Mr_am AND Marriedguy... I think that maturity is the deciding factor. It really depends on the people involved. There are some 18 year olds that are more mature then some people in their 30's! I think it just so happens that most people end up maturing in their late 20's and early 30's.

Rockerchick26 here is the thing what are the odds of two mature 20 years hooking up. I'll no sooner believe in unicorns. How many 20 year old guys are out there looking for a wife? They are to busy playing Xbox or PS3's. Ask 20 year old guy what he like better spending time with his girlfriend or playing video games. He will ask what game?

Well I'm not disagreeing with you... But there are some older men out there that are like that as well. I've dated guys who were MUCH older then me (I'm 26) and they will probably be bachelors forever. I do agree that getting married in college or right out of college is a bad idea. Being emmersed in the real world changes you SO much... That being said, if you don't go to college and you go right into the "real world" you mature a lot faster. I think it's a case by case basis as far as this topic goes.

Rockerchick I don't think anybody disagrees with your thoughts, as we know people both male and female, that are mature. However, it's not as common. Now look at the divorce rates, or simply look at the relationship section here. Look what the number thing people need others for? Heart break, break-up's maturity rarely if ever comes up in that regard.

I think it's more experience that is most important. Not experience with the opposite sex but life experiences. Mix that would maturity, age and levels of current responsibility and you have somebody who might be ready to take that next step. I just think, as I know you do, there is no rush.

We are moving this to the philosophy topic shortly.

Whether a marriage would be successful or not has nothing to do with age... Mature and responsible people seek long term relationship (marriage). Marriage is like anything else in life.. no guarantee.. The fact that there are many divorces should not create marriage phobia. Being successful or not has to do with why and for what reason X and Y chose to marry (was it because Y was so beautiful/rich.. etc. And so on. It would be terrible for a marriage based upon a silly or cheap basis.

Back again to the question.. if 99.999% of young people at the age of 20 were not mature enough does not give one the right to fix marriage age. Besides those who are not mature at say 20 may not even think of it. So why bother with them ?

Anyway we all agree that marriage is serious decision to make.. so like any step one has to take.. must think well.

Hi
By the odds you can marry after 25 but marry a guy older than 30
People go through changes and that can kill a relationship when it should really have a chance to last.
Fortunately when you fall in love, none of it matters.
Good luck whatever you choose.

First saying age doesn't matter is just something nice we say. Then there is 17 young woman marrying a man age 45 with 3 kids from 3 different marriages and then we say that is just wrong.

I'm currently 29 and I been my wife for 9 minus 1 years. If you do the math that would make me age 20 when decided to play house. We had our first born I was still in HS... so while finishing High School I got a BS job as a security guard just to get pampers. The arguments, separation that's the one year, could have been avoided because we as a couple would have been better equipped and financed to handle issues that cross our path.

I wished I had listen to my teachers who said "Jermaine you are a young man...go to college there will be plenty of time to deal with women."

I'm not telling young adults to break with someone they love until the reach age 30. I'm telling them stay girlfriends and boyfriends. Make priority career and education. If your relationship can't survive this trial period, what makes you feel the marriage will?

Most high school sweet hearts don't even make it because they don't even know each other. The wife wants to be a CEO of a company and the husband was happy delivering pizzas.

Currently, I make about 34k a year; she makes 41k a year which is nothing if you live in Westchester County NY. We own a 2 bedroom co-op. I'm trying to finish a degree in computer science; while juggling taking my son to school, looking after the two year old and working a full time job. We are still paying off debt from our first years together.

When you hear these adult saying wait, wait, WAIT! They are giving you wisdom that they obtain from experience. But don't listen, we here at Ask Me Help Desk will be here happy to advise you on in martial issue that may arise.
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Gee Stylist,

It would be nice to know how old you and your intended are.

Unfortunately, I don't really agree with any of the above. But, in all honesty I have to same they are essentially giving you good advice.

In our case my wife and I met at 17. We married when we were 18. Fortunately for us our son did not come along until we were 22. That gave us four years to grow up and learn how to live with each other as well as to fight fairly with each other. That was 42 years ago and we are still together
And pretty much as goofy as when we were 18.

There is really nothing to prepare for for being married. Living together is a waste of time because there is nothing at that point in time that bonds you to each other.

Marriage supplies that bonding. There is no longer the "run home to mommy and daddy" if he or she makes you cry.

Although I do remember my wife going to her mom and dad after an early marriage squabble. Her mom told he, "You made your bed, now go lie down in it." Her mom sent her home the next morning.

To this day we believe that if she hadn't brought her dog with her, her mom might have let her stay. Who knows, regardless, we got the message loud and clear. You are married, solve your own problems.

I think the perfect age to be married, is when you find someone who is willing to work with you, to build a healthy loving caring life, and raise kids in a good home. And looks forward to the grandkids visiting.

I'm going to bequeath my carefully thought out theory on marriage to all of the listening AMHD world... Ready?

"When you can truly say that you two have become one, then you are ready. You can't become "one" until you are completely "two." You have to be completely two to be completely one. Two individuals each knowing who they are, what they want in life, their own hopes, their own dreams, their own reality, their own personality, their own individual essence. Losing yourself in someone is never good... you have to be yourself completely and complete your partner completely."

Does that make sense? (If not, maybe that's why I'm not married! ;) )

okay so I just read all of that and now I have to say.
I'm not getting married now so don't freak out.
my thoughts are my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years since high school,
we have grown really close, never broken up,
don't fight hardly at all, and love each other a lot.
still live at home, but don't ask for money and do our own things with out are parents.
pay for everything.
we are actually saving all of my money and just spending his when we go out or want to buy things.
we both have really good jobs for our age.
we both want to stay at house though to save up money,
and when we get married not have a big wedding and my parents are just going to give us money to either buy a house or save and go to the court house and just have a wedding shower.
we both want to wait but not till 30 or whatever.
I want to be young and have kids while I'm young, so that I'm not old with teenagers.
I feel like we both act older then we are and respnsible.
we both have great familys and hardly any divorses.
might not believe me, but I have a really caring family and are always there for me.
I do give my mom a break and my family loves my boyfriend.
its hard for you to know or jugde me because you don't know me or my boyufriend or family, so I'm not sure what else to say,
but thanks for your info. =)

That you have a plan, and talk is so great, and bodes well. Working together is your greatest asset. Never lie to each other, no matter if it leads to conflict. You can work through conflict, but lies can hurt, and destroy you. There is no hurry, so talk and listen, as communication, and the freedom to express yourselves, with each other honestly, will allow you to grow together, and help you when life throws curves at you, as life does. Ironically looking back, my wife and I have many good times, but it was adversity, that made our bond stronger.

My story,

Dated a girl for 7 years... HS, college, after... wanted to marry, thank GOD that relationship crashed and burned. Were we "mature"... sure! But I honestly think its not a bad idea to wait until mid 20's... even later...

In your 20's you are still learning about what it is like to live independently, still learning the ropes. Doesn't mean you can't marry young and make it work... my best friend in college married his HS sweetheart and they have 3 kids and a wonderful marriage.

But... and this is my experience, so don't pile on agrees or disagrees... its just my experience... I wasn't really ready for the challenges of marriage until late 20's, even though I wanted to be married sooner, and most would probably have called me pretty mature for a guy.

As for the house... whether you are married or not, you can do this if you are financially sound. I've friends who were able to build up equity in houses or townhomes because they were in financial positions to be able to take action. One friend had over ten years equity, having bought just out of college, before she was married.

So... you can buy a home when you know you are financially structured well enough for the financial burdens and have done your due diligence on the real estate market. Notice I said "know" not "think" you are financially set... it isn't an emotional issue, its about dollars.

As for the family, there's no perfect answer. Having a child while young makes you a young parent... it can place restrictions on your free time and cause you to restructure your professional life... OK. Later in life can help you get established financially, but you have shorter windows for educational planning versus retirement.

So... even if you are single (meaning not married... dating is still "single" in this context) you should be saving for a home and you should be saving for retirement. When your financial house is in order, so many things become possible when the opportunity comes.

I think late 20s is the more appropriate time to get married. Any later than that would be too old I think.

I think late 20s is the more appropriate time to get married. Any later than that would be too old i think.

Just curious why you feel that way, LOL:eek: Too old for what pray tell? :confused:

What is a good age to get married -
a) when you love someone and can't live without him/her
Or
b) when you feel the need of a partner to share someone your life with, have fun together.

Have a house -
When both of you feel comfortable in the city you are working and there's no possibility to move in near future. Combined with having saved enough to pay for down payment.

And start a family - when both of you feel ready. Feel the love of a child in your heart. And have completed all stupid and insane things with your spouse which you cannot do after being parents - e.g. staying out all night.

I think late 20s is the more appropriate time to get married. Any later than that would be too old i think.

Hmmm... guess my wife did it "wrong" marrying in her early 30's.

And here I thought we had a great marriage because we waited until we found the right person.