My boyfriend and I are both Christians and have been together since we were both seventeen years old. We live in the same home town, and decided to go to college together. We go to a Christian University, and are both freshman this year. We have talked about getting married the summer before our junior or senior year in college(depending on how things go). We would both either be 21 or 22. Because we are both Christians, we are choosing not to live together before we are married. We firmly believe it goes against God, but that is our opinion and do not look down on others who make that decision. It is just right for us not to live together before marriage.

Besides the obvious reasons that we love each other and we feel that God has brought us together, there are other reasons to be married before we graduate.
1.) College tuition is dramatically dropped. We would get much more financial aid then when we were dependents on our parents.
2.) The school we go to is very strict on boyfriends/girlfriends... we aren't even allowed in each others dorm rooms. We have no privacy, even just to talk. Its very stressful on our relationship.
3.) For both of us, its always been our dream to marry young and to have a family. It's very hard to wait!

We've discussed this with our parents, but they are all against it. They think that because we got together so young (16) we haven't had the chance to grow into our own selves. So, what are they suggesting? We can't help we fell in love at such a young age. I don't think we should break up just so we can grow into our own selves. We are both very happy with each other. We are past the "puppy love" stage. We know each others strengths, weaknesses, hopes, and desires. There is a very strong bond between us that cannot be broken. I know that marriage is not always an easy thing and because we love each other so much, of course we could wait an additional year or two to get married. But, if we are sure we want to be married, why not do it a year early so we can get more financial aid for college(it would be about 40,000.00 off our tuition)? Anybody's insight would be greatly appreciated.

It sounds like you want to get married to improve your financial aid situation.

I too went to a Christian college with the separate dorms and no visiting rules and lack of privacy and early curfews. It does crimp one's style in the romance department. Why did you choose this particular college, knowing there would be so many restrictions?

You say you're past the puppy-love stage. I'm wondering if the college's restrictions are somehow forcing you to stick together in a sort of romantic rebellion. (Remember, I've been there.)

You're what now, 18? I suggest you both get involved in the various social programs and organizations. Do well in your courses. Give each other permission to date. Avoid all the marriage discussions for at least another year.

How would you get more financial aid?

Please post on only one board. I answered you on the Marriage board and will ask the moderator to put your question on the better of the two boards.

Hmm. I tend to disagree with lalaman1.

I'm currently 21... and I just can't see myself marrying anyone. Really.

Marriage is... a crapload of work. And when I mean crapload, I mean... a dumptruck filled with just crap. It's ridiculously hard to make a marriage work. And if you two are going to school, then it'll be even more work. How do you two plan on supporting yourselves? What if you get pregnant while you're in school? Have you two thought of career paths? Will the career paths you two want to take support the both of you enough... will it support a child as well? Where will you two live?

Rent? Car payment? Car insurance? Health insurance? Groceries... doctor's visits... just everything in general?

Love is not all you need. Maybe back in the 17th century. But then again, all you needed to LIVE in the 17th century was a shovel and a roof made of straw.

I'm sorry, but I think I might have explained our situation wrong. We do not want to get married to improve the financial situation. Either way, we are getting married. The question is if we should get married one year earlier to have the benefits of lower education cost. Its not just about getting cheaper college. We chose this school because it was one of the only schools that offered my major, felt God was leading us there because the spiritual side of the school is absolutely amazing, and it is a wonderful campus. It is just very strict and quite a change from our homes. We are both 19 years old. Dating other people is not an option. And No, the schools harsh rules is not forcing us to stick together out of romantic rebellion. Love, faith, and our solid relationship keeps us together. The only question is when is the right time. I feel like maybe I did not explain our relationship and situation well enough, so I gave off the wrong impression. Thanks for your advice, though. :)

Please post on only one board. I answered you on the Marriage board and will ask the moderator to put your question on the better of the two boards.

I'm sorry... I didn't know you could only post on one board. If you feel the need to talk to the moderator, please ask him/her to leave it on the Religion board.

Dating other people is not an option.

Why isn't dating others an option? Seems like it should be THE requirement for each other as you meet other people and are put into new and challenging situations.

You get more financial aid from the state. When you are a dependent of your parents, the state goes by your parent's income, which is obviously much better then a newlywed couple who are still in school. When you get married, you are no longer dependents on your parents and they go off you and your husbands income, so you get WAY more help. I talked to a couple at my school who married the summer after their freshmen year, and their tuition loans went from 25,000/year to 3,000/ year.

You get more financial aid from the state. When you are a dependent of your parents, the state goes by your parent's income, which is obviously much better then a newlywed couple who are still in school.

You two could become emancipated and not have to marry before graduation. Marriage will produce incredible financial and emotional stresses in your lives.

Again, I hear the "let's get married to improve our financial aid situation" thing.

Because every relationship is different, and every person is different. For some people, dating others is an option. For us, why fix something that isn't broken? Then, there is the role that God has played in our lives. We have prayed about it and feel that God intended for us to be together. It's a matter of faith and love. I do not WANT to date other people. I love him, for him. Its as simple as that.

So you two have never dated other people?

Well, as I explained on the marriage discussion board, that is simply not the case. We both feel financial situations are not reason enough to be married. Thank you for your input :)

Of course we have! We both have had two other serious relationships before we met each other. My boyfriend and I were best friends for a year ( we dated others during that year, and the year before) before we even began dating. I was saying that after being together for a little over two years, we would not want to just start dating other people when we are completely happy.

In a way i do agree with ISneezeFunny about marriage not working young because its a lot of work, but I still think that 22 isnt a bad time to get married. Sure its hard and you think it won't work, but that's the reason marriages sometimes dont work, because of the mentality of thinking "I'm young, it won't work out.", and then people get divorces. You have to work through difficulties, don't give up after a year with a divorce . I still feel you should get married 21/22, you'll have more support while your in school and why should you wait, you love each other and have God's guidance. Just don't give up early with a divocre, and it should work

Thank you very much for your advice. I completely understand the difficult financial situations that occur when you get married young. But believe it or not, we do actually have some of these problems worked out through talking to our pastor and some of the professors at our school. I personally believe it can work... My parents have been together since they were fifteen and 25 years and three kids later, they are incredibly happy. (even though they don't like the idea of me marrying young... very hypocritical.. but they are parents. )

You two could become emancipated and not have to marry before graduation.

And the emancipation idea has been thrown out the window?

And you are willing to defy your parents?

You say you are 17 now and want to wait about a couple more years before you get married either way anyway. So continue in your relationship as planned for another year or two and that will give your parents time to see you are serious about each other. Then they may reconsider their 'your too young' feelings and you and he will be more sure that you are ready to get married.

Well, I talked to my mom about it yesterday. She said that she will always be on my side no matter what the situation is. She said that although she had always hoped for me to graduate college and have a career before I get married, she said she understands because she married my dad when she was 20(they had been together since they were both 15). She said she would have course be happy for me because she truly loves the person I am going to marry, but at the same time, she can't help but worry for me. She said a part of her would be disappointed, but she will always back me no matter what. She is a great mom. I think she just wants me to do things the way she always planned for me. I think she is against it because she knows how difficult it was to marry young. My dad also likes the person I am going to marry, but he is just against it because he wants me to finish college. Not finishing school is not even an option. We both are going to finish. I suppose if they both told me they would disown me if I got married, then of course I wouldn't defy them. But I think they are just more worried for me rather then angry about the situation.

I would have to look into it. I do not know very much about it before I would make that decision. Thank you for the idea, though.

Moms/parents can make great plans for their kids but YOU are the one that has to live with it.
You and your boyfriend will know when it is right to get married. It is hard to say I am going to go to college, get a fantastic career and then get married... Life happens in the meantime and it
Isn't always according to the best laid out plans we made.

You and your boyfriend are the only ones that can make that decision.

Have you really thought about things that will change once you get married? What if once you graduate he gets a job on one side of your country, and you get a job on the other? What kind of sacrificies are you going to have to make in the future?

I am not against young marriage. But I believe you really should know what your getting into. I got married young, and I don't regret it. I wouldn't change the age I got married. But there are a lot of things I had to deal with that I wouldn't have had to deal with if I didn't get married. I got married when I was 20. I am 21 years old now.

I recommend taking some premarital counselling. My husband and I took it through our church. It made us think about things we never thought about before, and got us discussing things we never talked about before. I highly recommend it to young people getting married.

Let me start by saying this. I was married at the young age of 15, and by the hard work of myself and my husband, we are still together, and I am now 34 years old. The struggles of marriage is hard enough, but to try to do it, when your mentally not mature enough to do so, makes it that much harder. Please I beg you to wait, if it's really love, a few more years will change nothing. I am very proud of you for sticking to your morals! Many blessings to both of you!

Marriage counseling really is a good idea. Thank you! Its encouraging to know it works for other people, even though each relationship is different. Yes, we are both prepared to make sacrifices... we talk about it all the time. Luckily, we both chose careers to get into that are needed everywhere. We would like to stay close to home, but we are prepared to move if we have to... you never know with the economy the way it is. We know that financially, its not going to be easy. We aren't jumping in head first without any thoughts,research or prayer.

That's great that you are thinking about every aspect. I am your age, and I am married, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it if it is what you really want. Don't listen to harsh comments for it, because it is your decision, not theirs.

Thats great that you are thinking about every aspect. I am your age, and I am married, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it if it is what you really want. Don't listen to harsh comments for it, because it is your decision, not theirs.

Thank you so much! What made you decide it was the right time?

Is is all right if I send you a private message?

Sure thing.

If you do decide to get married before you finish school, maybe you can use the money you save from school costs to help the two of you become financially secure as a newly wed couple. That financial security can go a long way toward helping two people in a committed healthy relationship. I would discuss that with your parents as well, especially if they are contributing to your educational expenses. Perhaps you can look forward to something after graduation... to show that you fully intend to finish... just a thought.

Best of luck.

No perfect answer here.

I dated a girl I knew I would marry from 2yrs HS, 4 yrs college, 1 year after. Thank God it crashed and burned. I was in love, as well as I could be for that age... but it would have been a disaster long term. We were right for each other, for that time... hindsight is clear yknow. So in my case, if I had married my first real love, it would have been bad, bad, bad... and don't think you "know" better than me... been there, done that...

But... that said... my college roommate had also dated his college sweetheart all through college, married, and they have a beautiful family now... a dozen years of marriage, and three wild boys.

So... my advice, since I think you are going to get married is this. Talk about life, goals, money, and sex. The more you explore through open, honest talking, the better you will be set to last.

Most people experience a major love at the time in life where you are. Most relationships don't last. But I'm not going to say yours isn't.

If you decide to proceed... my advice is to try to be kind to parents on both sides as best you can. Understand they are NOT trying to hurt you. They are fearing for your safety. They understand how dumb a person can be when young. It isn't malicious at all... they are concerned out of love for you.

If you decide to proceed, try your best to be kind and polite to the parents... if the relationship lasts, the strength you show will pay off in time.

I cannot tell you what is right. I firmly believe most young relationships are meant to be a learning experience, and that most people think their relationship is the exception.. is the special one. We all think that.

That said, I've seen it work out too.

So whatever you choose, try your best to be kind and polite to all parental sides. It'll pay off long term, even if you don't do their bidding.

I know from my own son, who is now 22, that for federal aid you have to be 25 before you can not count parent's income.

>TWO Threads merged<

I think that if you love each other, you are not only using eacohter for the finanical benefits then you need to do what you think is best. I got married at 18. I have a son now... I am also only 20 years old. I am a Christian... My husband is as well. Just know that marriage is TOUGH!! It is not easy at all. But with God's help and blessings it can work. I hope this helped...

God Bless

Hi Meagan,
I know how offensive this question could sound, but I'm going to ask it anyway.
How do you feel about divorce?
I'm not trying to imply in any way that I think your relationship is likely to end that way. But I really do believe that a marriage is not something that should be rushed. If you plan on making a life commitment, you have to be certain that you can last the distance.
If you really want to get married, that's fine. Personally, I think it would be best for you to wait until you've finished studying.
I know that the financial benefits aren't your incentive for getting married, but does that perk possibly influence your desire to get married so soon? I realise that the extra money would be a fantastic bonus, but is it worth it?
And a few extra years without being allowed in each other's rooms might be frustrating, but I doubt it will impact too strongly on your relationship. You would have plenty of time to spend together outside the dorms. And you sounds like a serious Christian, so I doubt you have a very physical relationship. Being in separate rooms wouldn't hold you back in that area.
Also, the changes in your life caused by suddenly living together and having a physical relationship might be very overwhelming, and interfere with your studies.
And if you were to get pregnant? What then?

I'm not actually trying to put you off. But please think about all the variables as much as possible. Be careful, this is a decision that will impact on the rest of your life.

Kal

To another question you answered, "...felt God was leading us there because the spiritual side of the school is absolutely amazing...." Does your university offer counseling? Surely, it does. Why don't you make an appointment to discuss your education and relationship issues with someone who is more familiar with your circumstances. By the way, I couldn't disagree more with the comment that marriage is a load of work; but it is a commitment that you intend to last for your entire life. There's an old saying, 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'.

I think premarital counseling is a great idea. Also sit down with your minister and your parents and discuss the pros and cons of marriage now vs. later. Pray about it and see where you think God is leading you.

I understand about the strict rules at the college. If you don't marry before you go, you will just have to figure out some other ways to spend time together. You can both get involved in student activities, join a ministry, and spend time off campus. Maybe after the first year, you or he could get an apartment (I don't mean live together, just separate apartments), that way you will be able to spend more time in private.

You seem to have a really open loving relationship with your parents, and that is so great. I know it is hard at the age you are now, because on the one hand, they are your parents and you want to honor them and their wishes, and on the other hand, you are becoming an adult and are starting to make your own decisions. Like I said, you, your boyfriend, your parents, and his parents if possible, might benefit from all of you sitting down with the minister and talking about it. Maybe you could all go out to dinner and discuss it. In the meantime, get involved in the pre-marital counseling. It will strengthen your relationship so much and help you avoid some common problems when you are married.

Good luck and God bless! :)

I'm younger than you are, and I am getting married before I even graduate high school. I'm actually planning my wedding for February 1, 2009! I know it sounds ludicrous, but it really isn't. If it's what you want, I am a firm believer in "go for it". Everyone says "wait, wait, wait" but, it's really between you, your boyfriend, and God. Marriage is not about age, or how much you will change in a few years, marriage is the commitment to be with someone no matter what you may go through. I have people who are supportive of my wedding, and people who aren't, but that's going to be the situation no matter what age you are!

I'm going to tell you from my experiences that asking for advice is going to give you very few positives and many, many negatives...

My feeling is, if you can get married early, get through the stress, and make it, then you really love each other.

If you want it, and it's right for you, go for it!