First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definitely understand. And I'm sorry this is so long... ended up venting some.

Now I'm a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on Aol and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her.

During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt allowed to watch movies with nudity or that show a lot of female skin. Ya she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lying all together.

She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there i might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didn't have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played too much.

And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her.

Well I'm sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a birthday for a girlfriend from work. Im like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldn't go) well she texts me later asking if she could go bowling with her sis, I'm like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so I head to the bowling alley to surprise her. Not there. Next day I don't confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and I look up the clubs where I live... and then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didn't realize it.

So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldn't be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. Lol. Wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and I'm like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since.

I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasn't allowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldn't have.

It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching TV and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought I was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace)

And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesn't feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt.

But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life isn't over, but the lifewith her is. And that's what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing.

So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, I blog A lot on myspace, and now I'm on here asking, what, I don't know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didn't know what I was going to write, but looks to me as all the reasons it might have been a good thing.

But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know I'm not the first or last to feel this way, but I just can't listen to my own advice I guess.

Well.. you seem like a smart guy - you know that it's over and you know why it's over, that's a good ground to build on. I think you did the right thing dumping her, and I must say that the fact that she was so obsessive and jealous with you and forbid you to more or less, just live a normal life, is really SICK.

The good thing here is that you now know what kind of girl she is - The cheating kind, and I can't believe that she had the conscience and nerve to forbid you to watch movies with nudity while she herself actually cheated on you - you wouldn't want to marry a woman like that now would you? She's cold as ice, my advise is to stay away and release the thoughts of her, when you think how much you "love her and miss her" etc, just think of all the bad things she did, and how you are worth someone who treats you like a normal person, not like some kind of fragile china porcelain that had to be kept inside watching TV without nudity.

Ya it was all pretty bad, very hipocritical and stuff. And I hope someday to find someone who can treat me decent, but after 5 years with the same woman, not wanting or even thinking of trying to get with anyone else... I am a little lost. Guess only time will fix that, but then unless a great girl just falls into my lap it's hard for me to see how I will meet anyone. Guess my confidence is shot.

Dude, you WILL easily find someone else who will treat you great, I'm sure of it. My girlfriend of 8 months broke with me like 4 days ago, I'm trying to handle it and it's going sort of well, I've accepted that I won't be together with her again, and I honestly don't want to either! My confidence isn't all that great right now either but time fixes that, and yeah - one day that great girl just might hit on you. But I won't be passive no more, I'll hit on girls next time I go out and sure I might get rejected a bit but I'm bound to get some hits eventually, too. Great Fight Club quote BTW :D

I saw your quote and it reminded me of the one on my myspace. Lol. Ya its been 3 months and someone told me it usually takes at least 1 month for every year. But right now I just can't imagine myself with anyone else, I'm scared of getting into another relationship and it all happening again. How can you say you "love" someone for almost 5 years, and then just drop them like they never existed?

Well.. there is no absolute time frame for how long it takes before you will be healed, but there is a little bit truth in that I think, you do need time. But well, things do come to an end.

The past is gone, it consists of memories of moments that you have, but that's it, after some time you will start looking forward and feel again, and begin to be happy and feel free, then you will want to say that you "Love" someone else instead and it will start over and feel right. =)

Hi Delow
Like craig says there really is no time frame for how long it takes to heal. Different people react differently to adversity.

The thing I can tell you though is you won't start to heal until you have excepted that this is over and LET GO. I see so many people on here who do no contact for all the wrong reasons , they think it is a tool to win their Ex back. Thereby not starting the healing process because all they are really doing is hanging on to false hope. 3 months down the track they are still at square one and don't understand why.

Good luck

You I don't cry as much or as hard anymore. Although I still do. I've actually started doing a little more to fix my life, working out paying off debts etc. And I do realize it's over, she isn't going to come back when she realizes her mistakes (if she does at all) we aren't ever going to get back together. Even if she came back, it would be very very difficult for me to even consider taking her back. I know what she has done, and who she has become. I am smart enough to know that I don't want it all happening again.

I guess part of me held on to some little hope things might turn around. But I've killed off that hope I think. I just want to be happy again, move on, and maybe meet someone new who I can fall in love with and be happy with. :)

It is nice, and I appreciate your guys' responses. It does help even if just for the moment to hear from others. And friend4u178 I definitely agree with the quote in your sig "i dont miss her anymore, but i still miss who I thought she was."

Just takes time my friend , and when you are eventually happy again it shines through in your personality etc.

That's when they'll come flocking :-)

I hope so :) I'm tired of being miserable. I am planning on moving out of state this year, so maybe that change might help me some. I am trying to set goals for myself. It doesn't help knowing how insanly happy she is. (stupid myspace) all it takes is time, but time goes so quickly when your happy, and drags when your miserable. Day by day.

Well there's a cure for the Myspace issue... don't look at it :-) Makes you feel bad right , so why look.

You that's basically what it was when she first made it, I looked for a week straight, then I was like "dude this is just messing me up more" so I stopped for 2 months, don't know why I checked today, that will definitely not happen again. Its kind of a kick in the face, all the things she said I couldn't do, or she wouldn't do with me, she does with this new guy. All the insecurity and jealousy and her quirks just evaporated.

Bah see I can't stop. What does it matter ? The why, or how could she etc... none of it matters. Yet those questions keep rolling through my head.

I hope so :) im tired of being miserable. I am planning on moving out of state this year, so maybe that change might help me some. I am trying to set goals for myself. It doesn't help knowing how insanely happy she is. (stupid myspace) all it takes is time, but time goes so quickly when your happy, and drags when your miserable. day by day.
You were with her for a long time so it will take a while. But from what I read, you were not all that happy anyway. All those restrictions, she had you whipped. Once you move away and get her out of your system, you're going to be glad she is gone. She has a new one she can drag around by the collar.
Celebrate your Independence

I definitely agree there were things that made me unhappy, and I do have my independence now. And it may be the fact that the break up is still new, so that 'fog of love' hasn't lifted yet, but I was content. Looking away during a movie or not seeing one at all is a small price to pay to have someone who you thought loved you completely.

But you I have my independence, so I am moving out of state, getting a motorcycle (which was a no no) and looking into skydiving which is something I've always wanted to do.

:) thank you for your responses

I definatly agree there were things that made me unhappy, and i do have my independence now. And it may be the fact that the break up is still new, so that 'fog of love' hasnt lifted yet, but i was content. Looking away during a movie or not seeing one at all is a small price to pay to have someone who you thought loved you completely.

But ya i have my independence, so i am moving out of state, getting a motorcycle (which was a no no) and looking into skydiving which is something ive always wanted to do.

:) thank you for your responses
You were content. That speaks volumes. You were content for years and now you are alone, that is your problem, not love sickness.
You are going to be fine. It will happen sooner than you think.
This lady has control issues, I don't think she knows what love is.

2 Things I Want To Add:

1) MySpace blogs? Are they public? Can she read them? If so, and they are about her, I guarantee that it's helping her. If she knows that you are hurting or still care for her, etc, then I guarantee she feels powerful. This will help her move on. This gives her power over you. Make it private so she can't read them. If I were you, I'd also probably take them down and just keep those thoughts to yourself.

2) I don't want to call you a "sissy" or a "wheeny", but no girl that I know likes it when her man doesn't stand up for himself, especially to his own woman. You don't need to boss her around and such, just tell her that your life is your life, and you can do what you want.

For example, you couldn't go out because she would get jealous, right? Well she was at this club with this guy, you don't think he wasn't dancing with other girls and not checking them out do you? If you had stood up for yourself and told her "hey i like naked movies and im gonna watch one right now" or "im going to the bar, you can come with me" etc, despite her not liking you for it, on the inside she will respect you more for sticking up for yourself, and respect you even MORE when you do those things and you don't stray from her or cheat on her.

-------

After 4 years, I really think that whole situation with you and her could have been prevented if you had just become a man. I'm sorry dude, I don't mean to put you down, but women don't like men that they can boss around and tell them what to do. Men should know what to do, know the limits, take responsibility, and do what's right. This doesn't mean you have to be less sensitive or less caring, but no woman likes a relationship where she feels like she's wearing the pants.

At least, no woman that I know. Maybe Hillary Clinton. :P


-------

I just re-read what I wrote, then read everyone else's response, and half the people sort of hinted at what I was saying, but didn't actually say it. It's like when someone is eating food, then stops to talk, but has a huge piece of cheese hanging from their mouth as they talk, and nobody says anything. Well I'm saying something. I think that everyone can learn from past relationships, I know I have. I was too insecure, too needy, over-bearing, and I nit-picked too much. I, too, wasn't a real man back in 1999. She walked all over me and I paid for it in the end. I read your story and I just remember myself back then. The thing is, I had to figure it out for myself, which took a few years. I'm telling you NOW so that maybe you'll realize it and see it and you will be able to fix it sooner than I did.

Seriously dude, you are smart and secure with yourself. You were able to break it off with her on your own. That's hard to do, very few people have what you have. But there's always something to work on, and I think this is it. If you can do that, then you will be sweet pickins for the next lucky lady that comes along! :)

2 Things I Want To Add:

1) MySpace blogs? Are they public? Can she read them? If so, and they are about her, I guarentee that it's helping her. If she knows that you are hurting or still care for her, etc, then I guarentee she feels powerful. This will help her move on. This gives her power over you. Make it private so she can't read them. If I were you, I'd also probably take them down and just keep those thoughts to yourself.

2) I don't want to call you a "sissy" or a "wheeny", but no girl that I know likes it when her man doesn't stand up for himself, especially to his own woman. You don't need to boss her around and such, just tell her that your life is your life, and you can do what you want.

For example, you couldn't go out because she would get jealous, right? Well she was at this club with this guy, you don't think he wasn't dancing with other girls and not checking them out do you? If you had stood up for yourself and told her "hey i like naked movies and im gonna watch one right now" or "im going to the bar, you can come with me" etc, despite her not liking you for it, on the inside she will respect you more for sticking up for yourself, and respect you even MORE when you do those things and you don't stray from her or cheat on her.

-------

After 4 years, I really think that whole situation with you and her could have been prevented if you had just become a man. I'm sorry dude, I don't mean to put you down, but women don't like men that they can boss around and tell them what to do. Men should know what to do, know the limits, take responsibility, and do what's right. This doesn't mean you have to be less sensitive or less caring, but no woman likes a relationship where she feels like she's wearing the pants.

Atleast, no woman that I know. Maybe Hillary Clinton. :P


-------

I just re-read what I wrote, then read everyone else's response, and half the people sorta hinted at what I was saying, but didn't actually say it. It's like when someone is eating food, then stops to talk, but has a huge piece of cheese hanging from their mouth as they talk, and nobody says anything. Well I'm saying something. I think that everyone can learn from past relationships, I know I have. I was too insecure, too needy, over-bearing, and I nit-picked too much. I, too, wasn't a real man back in 1999. She walked all over me and I paid for it in the end. I read your story and I just remember myself back then. The thing is, I had to figure it out for myself, which took a few years. I'm telling you NOW so that maybe you'll realize it and see it and you will be able to fix it sooner than I did.

Seriously dude, you are smart and secure with yourself. You were able to break it off with her on your own. That's hard to do, very few people have what you have. But there's always something to work on, and I think this is it. If you can do that, then you will be sweet pickins for the next lucky lady that comes along! :)


I totally agree for the most part, but don't get me wrong, the myspace thing Is sort of like this website, where I can vent and have friends I hadn't talked to (for the course of my relationship) help me out. At one point I thought like that "she is gonna feel so confident and be riding high knowing im sad" but then I thought, I don't care if she reads it, likes it, hates it, feels better or worse, I just don't care if anything I say has any effect on her.

If it makes her move on faster, or prevents it doesn't matter to me because Ive made it a point with myself not to 'know' anything about her. I don't want to see 4 more months from now that the guy she is with now left her or something and she misses me. Cause no I wouldn't go back to her but id feel sad for her. And she isn't worth that feeling.

Also lately most blogs haven't been "woe is me i miss her" kind of blogs. More just, this is where I'm at, what I'm doing and where I'm going with my life. I don't know if I had an epiphany yesterday from talking to friends, and posting on here and just listening to myself a bit. But I realize it still hurts, just not as bad anymore. Seeing her with another guy stung like hell, but it only stung. A little neosporin(misspelled) and ill be fine :) I realized I just got to go and do what I want, keep my goals in sight and focus on those. And I may have a relapse and have a few nights of misery here and there. But as long as I keep on the road toward the goals I've set myself ill be OK I think.

Also on the me being a sissy, lol, its partly true I admit. Now through the course of our relationship I of course stood up for myself and what was right. I did go out every once in awhile to shoot pool with my best friend (though no drinking cause I wanted to compromise) But I decided after a couple days of ffighting afterwards or her using it all as ammo to through in my face when she did the many things wrong that she did, that it wasn't worth the hassle so you at that point I wussed out. But I am definitely making it a point to stick to how I feel and believe and if someone can't love me for me the way I am, then they arnt worth it. My ex didn't love me she loved having a 'pet', and when I got a little bit of some willpower it was too much.

Now she seems cured of all the problems she showed in our relationship, which kind of sucks, but oh well. The last memory Ill have of her now is knowing she is happy. Whether it lasts or not I won't know. I can be a vindictive and vengeful person, I believe in Karma, but giving her more time in my head then she already uses, isn't worth the effort. I loved her unconditionaly, and it sucks she couldn't feel the same but that's life. :) but I'm definitely not going to be a wuss in the future.

I am me, like it or not that's who I will always be.

Darlin, we've all felt the same pain you're feeling. We empathize. We can only tell you that it will get better. Its hard and it hurts like the ens, but it will be better soon.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to NOT look at her myspace. That was one of my first steps after coming out of a deep, two-year, we're-getting-married relationship (in which the guy, three weeks after we broke up, was engaged. Yup. Engaged.). It's a little victory that you can win. Don't look at her page.

One thing that you need to realize is that space (moving out of state) is not going to change anything. The thing you're running from is in you - its your heart. Once you decide that you are better off without her, that you are worth something without her, that you are the perfect guy that some girl is looking for... you'll have found the key. And you won't feel like running.

Remember that line in Home Alone where Kevin went outside and said, "I'm not afraid anymore!"? I think of that silly little line a lot. You have to get to the point where you can say that you are really not afraid of not having her.

Keep your chin up. You'll be fine.

And BTW: you "weren't allowed" to do all of those things?? That's nuts. You're an adult. You should want to show the person you're with honor and respect their wishes, but to not "be allowed"?? Honey, you're going to be fine without her.

Hey man, just wanted to say don't feel alone. I was with my girl for three years and it was the same thing. I lost all of my female friends I had while I was in college because she was so insecure, I got backlash when I went out to bars and got drunk with my buds, and at the time I conformed because I thought she was the "one". Well sure enough just like your situation, I found out the hard way when she went back to her first love in November.

But don't worry just like everyone says it gets better, and even now it may not seem like it, and even when it gets better you still have temporary setbacks and moments where you feel like it's the end of the world, there will be that time when you say "I"m not afraid anymore!" hahaha Historian Chick that is an awesome quote. And you'll realize your life is freakin awesome and you don't need manipulative controlling people like that in your life. I wish you the best of luck.

Historian chick that IS an awesome quote and perfect, thanks. I hope to be able to say that with conviction some day :) And my best friend said same things about moving as you. My problems will follow me. And you I would say my ex is part of the reason. But only part. I hate when everything I see or do where I live reminds me of her, sure. She moved to myside of town because of me and lives not 3 minutes from my apt, my parents house and my work >.< Moving solves that problem, because I won't see 'that church we would sit in parking lot of and just talk' and the like. But also its kind of an independence thing.
I want to go my own way, not rely on my parents (which I appreciate all their help) but just be able to say I am here doing it all myself for a change.

And honestly I'm scared of living anywhere else, scared of being alone and scared I might be alone for the rest of my life. There are those people who sadly never find mrs right, I see them everyday at work, and it scares me. I guess I am scared of a lot, and would definitely like to be able to say I'm not afraid anymore. Which is why I'm throwing myself into my fears.

Dude you really shouldn't be afraid of those kinds of things. Whenever you think about that stuff think about how many couples end up divorced? I'm just saying you need to focus on your life, and making yourself better and stronger, and if you do that happiness will come and find you. I was scared too when I broke up with my girl.

I was always anxious about going out to bars and stuff or talking to other girls, since I'd been dragged around on a chain for 3 years and never had to worry about that, but once I took that initial step, acted like myself and went out and did it; Let me just tell you once that happens you're first thought in the morning will not be holy crap I miss her, it will be holy crap life is awesome and I feel sorry for the next guy that has to endure that crap form her. And who knows that new girl could be right around the corner, but don't even be concerned with that, just try to occupy yourself and always think positively, it can help you go very far in life.

Oh and any more home alone quotes in this thread are more than welcome. I prefer:

AHEM

"why the hell are your shoes off?"

"why the hell are you dressed like a chicken"

Think about these quotes once a day and I guarantee your life gets better

You're more than welcome, Delow84. I can only share those things that have helped me.

Check out this posting... Its one I started last week to hear about other people and what has helped them at various stages of life... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/books-literature/quotes-have-influenced-your-life-171287.html You'll find quotes that will inspire you, uplift you, make you laugh, and above all, encourage you to keep on keeping on.

Enjoy! :)

"i'm Living Alone!!! I'm Living Alone!!" :d

Thanks DMBacoustic, I know I shouldn't be scared, and I'm sure I'll get over it. And I've gone out a few times, to bars and what not. Guess I just wasn't ready for it, not use to it. Im not a big drinker, or a bar/club hopper. Lol last club I went to I had an epileptic seizure and was kicked out cause they thought I had drank too much. (hadnt even started drinking since it was a week or two after break up)

I want to go out to places I like, to shoot pool and what not. I just can't find a reason to go, so the last 2 weeks I just been sitting inside listening to music, watching movies playing a game and working out.

after 5 years of conforming, I'm working on being me again. Hopefully when I get that down ill wake up and feel like life is great. Lol because I do wake up and say "holy crap i miss her, or i hate dreams" etc I want to wake up and look forward to the day. So like everyone keeps telling me just got to give it time. Ill deal with the random thoughts and memories that pop in my head, I sigh them off, throw myself into working out, or just have a little cry, because I can admit it has gotten easier to have those thoughts and not spend a whole night crying.

Ya I kind of gave up on worrying about meeting someone else, if it happens it does. Just trying to make it from day to day, throwing in things I like to do, and have always wanted to and couldn't.

-edit- I laughed out loud at those quotes, thanks dmb, and historian chick ima check out that post, because I love quotes. They really do help, for me anyway

Ya i kinda gave up on worrying about meeting someone else, if it happens it does.


Never say you've given up on something like that. And you're right if it happens then it happens. But in the meantime don't think of yourself as this guy who's never going to meet another girl. If you keep having that outlook, who's going to want to be with you? Just because some girl who probably doesn't have the slightest clue as to what true love is leaves you, don't let her or this experience ruin your life.

This will make you a better person in the end.

Just have faith in confidence in yourself, and like I and everyone has said things will fall into place. When I broke up with my girl I was thinking holy crap I'll never even like get close to another girl. Two months and several girls later, you realize that all you have to do is go out there and live life and be who you are, and girls will appreciate that.

Oh and "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me"

i want to wake up and look forward to the day.
-edit- i laughed out loud at those quotes, thnx dmb, and historian chick ima check out that post, because I love quotes. They really do help, for me anyways

Good. You want to wake up and look forward to the day. That's the first step. Now, as in the words of Nike, JUST DO IT. Make the choice to look forward to the day. Don't think about tomorrow... just today. Live in the moment. When you live in each moment, you look back and find that you've had some pretty awesome days.

Oh, and, "Keep the change, you filthy animal..."

Oh and "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me"

Lol. When I said giving up, I didn't mean that I don't care or have any hope of it happening. I do, and I want to meet someone great who will respect and love me. I'm just not going to force it I should say, I will let it happen when and if it does.

And I plan on just trying to enjoy my life, in CO I want to go mountain climbing, take pictures from the top, I signed up for skydiving which I've always wanted to do. I joined a softball team at work, which I wouldn't have done any of those if I was with my ex. I am more willing to go out and DO things now. I may not always have fun, I may even get sad at times but I am going to do my best to enjoy my life.

"carpe diem quam minimum credula postero." Seize the day, trusting little in the future.

As a side note, finding and posting on this site has probably been the best thing to happen to me recently. Most helpful to be sure.

I read what you have written, and I felt so sorry, I had tears in my eyes and I can imagine, how you feel.
I know, that everybody says, well she is the one who lost such a good guy like you, or: you deserved better, but these things do not help you.
You have to get the feeling back, which gives you hope, love and the sense for life.

You have to realize, that she is not the problem, you are the person, who have to be more self-confident!

And I do not think, that she is really happy.
Perhabs the guy she is now with, is more handsome or smarter, but he is not better! He cannot be better, because you really care about her.
You think about her, you really love her ALTHOUGH she had done such bad things to you.
This is love, but its destructive. And it hurts just YOU.

I really hope, that you will find YOUR way. And believe me you will, if you just want to.
What she has done to, she will get back in her life. This is karma.
Do not wish her bad things, be patient and you will see what life has to give YOU:
Real and good love.

Every time I tell the story, I tear up, every time I've read all the great responses, I've teared up (and I'm at work lol)
"you have to get the feeling back" ---- that line for some reason reminded me of top gun when they play the song "youve lost that loving feeling" guess that movie has been in my mind since I am going to get a bike and ill pretend to be tom cruise for a day lol :)

Ahh humor is the best and its probably one of the things I love most about myself. I can be at the lowest point in my life, but when people are comforting me ill always try and make THEM laugh.

She wasn't evil, or the antichrist or such. Just an insecure person who was stuck in that high school drama mentality. She had her great moments (which is why I stuck it out) and that guy may be more handsome,(doubtful he's smarter) or just all around better. But it doesn't affect me in any way. I don't wish bad things on her, but on the flip side I believe in karma. I sincerely hope she never experiences what she did to me. I'm probably one of the most impatient people in the world, but the last 3 months have taught me a little bit about being patient, about living. And I may sound like I'm on the road to recovery, which I may very well be. But I know it can be a long and bumpy road, but for once (and I'm crying as I type this) I'm looking forward to the ride :)

Wow. This sucks.

The good thing is is that she was a jealous obsessive controlling b*tch; and to me, that would be easier getting over someone who was quite elegant and didn't stress over stuff like that.

The gym will help, get a work out buddy... girls love guys with muscles so get some and flaunt it! Maybe go tanning too. A therapist should help you straighten your mind out again. Hang out with all your girls that are friends, use them as "pivots" for other females. Watch Swingers... and your situation will all make sense... trust me.

Don't need a tan lol I'm half hispanic :) and I think the same about muscles so I'm working hard at it (I was skinny before) and I kind of consider that a reason she wandered. More self blame which probably isn't warranted. And with the hanging out with girl friends, I got to make all new ones cause I lost all the ones I had while dating my ex. Only one managed to stick through it all and she lives a few hours away :( so I'm working on making ALL new friends, because I really only have 2 that stuck it out with me. (that is one guy and one girl friend)

Delow:

I am going to disagree with a lot of the posters here that said that you were not a man and that's her reason for the disconnect, I think that you were probably too much of a man and she was feeling like she couldn't control you any longer. I think that many posters have never personally encountered this type of person before.

I may be wrong but I am going to give it a shot because this type of woman is different than normal woman as this person needs one thing only... and that is control.

Generally, these are very attractive women who have always had their choice of men and are extremely insecure. The way that they control you is to beat you down to make YOU feel insecure like a wounded dog (lying, looking at other girls, etc).

For example, all of the "you can't watch this, and you are looking at her and the holier than now truth telling attitude is nothing but a smokescreen so she doesn't have to worry about you when she is not arounf once she trains you.

This type of woman will survive long term with a wimp only. Because at first you may be enamored with her looks, but after awhile you get tired of her putting you down and acting like your mother, so you start to act up, at this point she is losing control and starts to look for the next wimp because the last thing that she can handle is confrontation or being alone.

I quess my point here is that "it is not you", so get that out of your head NOW. The real problems are her insecurities, not yours. When they are forcing the honesty, 9 out of 10 times they are mirroring because they are liars.

And if you ask her how did this new relationship happen, she will probably answer with something like "it just happened, I was surprised too."

Good riddance to her. I know that you can't see it right now, but you will. Remember, she is the one with the issues.

BTW, how many people go out of their way to be like "I am so happy on their myspace page" If she had any respect (bet she never gave you any) she would keep her relationship on the qt, so as to not hurt you. She wants to hurt you for breaking up with her, the attitude of "I win".

Wow you actually hit a lot of it on the head, and mirrored some of my own thoughts now and in the past during our relationship. Yes she was beautiful! At least to me. And very insecure from the start of our relationship, because she had a small chest and was teased in high school. I never said or did ANYTHING to contribute to the idea that she was inadequate in any way.

Once before we separated for a few weeks, she slept with a guy she barely knew, I was doing NC at the time. We ended up back together. I didn't find out about the guy for a year and a half, and only from her ex best friend. So the way I see it, that was a prelude to now, she tried with another guy and didn't work out so she came back to me. This time they hit it off, and me being angry/upset probably even pushed them closer faster.

She basically did everything she ever accused or worried I would do. More than once. She made me insecure about myself (thus me working out so much)

And you I think the same about the myspace thing. Which is another reason I've made it a point not to check. (I screwed up 2 months of not checking yesterday but never again) she won whatever high school game she was playing. She is happy, I'm miserable. But I lost a liar, hypocrite, cheater, insecure, jealous, manipulative, person who has hurt me far more then naught. She lost someone who trully loved her in spite of those flaws. Someone who forgave her mistakes. And someone who wanted to go through it every day with her for the rest of his life.
Who is the real loser?

She's the loser for sure. And hey , she may not really be happy but just putting up a brave face to make you feel worse. Well don't worry about it not your problem , and don't ever let her know you are feeling anything but happy with your decision.

Smile my friend , your best years are yet to come , and with someone who deserves you.

She's not happy, her insecurities deny her this privilege. By the way, does she have many really close best friends. I would bet not.

Na I'm not letting myself worry if she is happy or not. I don't ask myself "why" or "how" she could do what she did anymore, either.

And no she doesn't have many close friends. Just the friends from her work. Her one best friend she had since high school stopped being her friend when she slept with that guy a few years back. She has a guy friend (who she was allowed to talk to and hang out with during our relationship) that has had a crush on her for I don't know how long.

Funny thing is I encouraged her to make the friends at work, get closer to her family and even to hang out with that guy friend. And somehow her whole family thinks I was the reason she never saw them. Meh. One sided stories can do that.

From last I saw of her she doesn't look like her insecurities are a problem anymore. But then you can't take a picture of every minute of every day, and she prob wouldn't post those anyway. Also I know that the best part of a relationship is the beginning(and end in the lucky ones who stay together till old age :) ) so I know she is flying high now. Whether she stays that way doesn't matter anymore to me. Whether her insecurities are mysteriously cured, doesn't affect me anymore.

Knowing she is happy is bitter sweet. I'm fine with what I know now, and ill be great if I never learn anything else about her.

I don't know if you are a very spiritual person, I am!:p I know how hard it to leave a relationship and move on, but my faith in God and his promise to me that everything happens because that's how he wants it, and he will never give you more than you can handle! You have learned many things about yourself though this relationship and it has helped you see who you are and what you want in life, and who you want to be with!
My mom always told me when I was devastated after a serious relationship, The next one will be better! And guess what, he was they just kept getting better, and my relationships were better each time because I learned more about myself through each experience! I have now found my true love, and hope the same for you!
God bless you!

Thank you :) I never use to be very spiritual but now I think I am more so. Just yesterday I was begging God for help, and I stumbled across this website where so many people have been kind enough to respond to me.

I am just scared that what God may have in store for me, is to be single the rest of my life. Not everyone finds that special someone. I'm afraid I'm in that group and I know its mostly post break up sadness talking... but it's still a big fear.

And you I've noticed each relationship is better then the last (and usually longer) So maybe my next big relationship will be the one Im hoping for :)

Also too, make sure you look absolutley incredible when you go out. If you run into her you want her to see you happy and "ok" with not being with her. Be a social chatter box, seriously... meet new people.


And watch swingers!

Im working on it, when I go out I'm usually scared she might show up where I'm at. But if I ever run into her I am not going to let it bother me and I'm going to do my best to always look my best, not for her but for me :)

The one time I actually saw her, I pulled up next to her driving to work (in a decent mood)... that sucked and I reacted wrong. Peeling out at the green and driving off 120mph prob wasn't best idea. Oh well. Hindsight.

And I'm definitely going to watch swingers, I might have seen it but I don't remember the title.
And id love to meet new people, just not sure how to anymore.

And what, praytell, is your Home Alone quote for the day? :)

Smiling is the best medicine, in my opinion.

So? Lets hear it!

"This house is so full of people, when I grow up and get married I'm living alone."

:) Smiling definitely helps

"But i lost a liar, hypocrit, cheater, insecure, jealous, manipulative, person who has hurt me far more then naught. She lost someone who trully loved her inspite of those flaws. Someone who forgave her mistakes. And someone who wanted to go through it every day with her for the rest of his life.
who is the real loser?"


If she is the loser, why are YOU thinking about her?
I did not meant, that you are the one who has problems.
But it&#180;s just that you have to more independent.
Its hard for my to explain, because of the language, but I will try! :-D

The ex boyfriend of my friend cheated on her, and she was sad about that, but she changed her place, where she lived, got to know new friends and she lives her life. She found a new guy, who really cares about her. And her ex always calls her, wants to get her back, but she still thinks, that they had a great time, but it is over.
This is a good story with a happy end. She could do that, because she is independent and free to do everything she wants to.

My cousin, who cannot go out every weekend, who cannot change her place lost herself. Her ex boyfriend cheated on her, and now he is engaged, he also cheated on his feyonce with my cousin. He did really bad things to her. She could not forget him. And now she is another person: she is bitter, she had tooo much guys, which is a real problem, because we are moslems, although we are liberal ones, it is really hard to deal with the fact that you are not virgin anymore. So her life is destroyed, because she does not know how to deal with the fact, that somebody she loved has broken her heart in soooo many ways.
Her life is destroyed and now she changes the partners and she dates every guy.


Its up to you how you deal with disappointments. You have to learn to go forward.
She is a stupid person, because she lost you.
But THAT is 'HER problem, it should not be yours.

You have to ask yourself, if you are happy, and that is the most important thing.
I know that is selfish, but you have to get out of this.
And like I said to you, you have freedom. You can do that.

I think of her, both good and bad because I loved her with all my heart, and wanted to make her happy, wanted us to be happy. How I felt about her, in spite of the things she did to me, I'm sure most can understand is beyond words.

And so I think of the dreams we had, the moments we shared (good and bad) And the love we had. And no I'm not 'happy' yet, or secure enough or confident enough to just move on. Im not ready for new relationships, not ready to start over with someone new, or let them deal with the way I am now before I'm ready. No one deserves that.

I am working on my independence, and my happiness. Im walking forward and looking forward to what's in front of me.

I lost a dream, but I gained an experience.

Honey, you may have "lost a dream" but you gained the promise of a lifetime of love from a woman who can truly appreciate who you are. Truly blossom under the influence of that love and truly rest in knowing that you are completely and wholly hers and hers/yours.

You're going to make it, my friend.

Thank you :) I hope some day I meet that person. And I'm starting to believe, really believe, that I am going to make it. But I just got to take it one day at a time.

You have done the right thing.

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

Good job.

(Just thought you'd appreciate your own. ;) )

Yay me :)

-edit- you know what's really hard, is the memory of her in the pictures on her myspace with her new guy, and the comments for those pics like "hey you, i really like you" about her new guy. I recommend not trying to see how an ex is doing. You may want to know, but it will hurt so much more knowing. Seeing them ice skating, and at the zoo. Kind of makes me start thinking "hey she always wanted to do those things, I should have taken her, maybe things would have been different."

But then I remember she never wanted to cause she worried so much, and I barely had money because of her job hopping so I could only support us. We were in a low part of our relationship financially. Just needed time. I would have loved to do those things with her.

So I have those images stuck in my head. And they are like a poison. Im happy she is happy, in a "i love her and want the best for her" sense. But 'knowing' that she is, what she is doing. Doesn't help.

Last night got pretty bad emotionally, (listening to sad music don't help) but it wasn't as bad as the first month. I just worked out and concentrated on my game, prayed and made myself concentrate on something else or think of something else. I just didn't want to dream about her, asked God to not let me dream. Luckily I didn't.

Now anytime those images pop into my head, I immediately do something or think of my new motorcycle I'm getting, or the things I am going to do in Colorado.

It's hard, and this forum helps. Lol I even thought of home alone. Although for some reason I'm wanting to watch some top gun (maybe its cause of the motorcycle scenes) lol

When it ends, NC is best, don't try and find out how they are doing. It won't make you happy if they are sad, and it won't make you happy if they ARE happy. It's a lose/lose.

Have a Friday afternoon smile on me:

Marv: He's going to call the cops!
Harry: He's not callin' the - from a tree house?

Take care, Delow84, keep that chin up! We're all here for you... us at the HCPTC club... :)

Lol the HCPTC :) Im working on it, that club membership is a life saver. And your making me want to watch home alone now

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.



Hey HC , I have no idea what one of these is but I would like one , can I?

If that's OK with Delow of course :-)

Hey HC , I have no idea what one of these is but I would like one , can I?

If thats ok with Delow of course :-)

OF COURSE!! Print it off. Frame it. Emboss it into your forehead... you, my friend deserve it as well! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have done the right thing.

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

Good job.

OF COURSE!!! Print it off. Frame it. Emboss it into your forehead... you, my friend deserve it as well! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have done the right thing.

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

Good job.

WOO HOO!. thanks :-)

Welcome to the club :)

LOL... Thanks Delow :-)

Kevin McCallister: Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?
Clerk: Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon.
Kevin McCallister: Well, could you please find out?

You guys are da bomb. :D

HCPTC unite!

Kevin McCallister: I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.

Ahh I'm definitely downloading.. I mean renting that movie tonight. I honestly stopped liking it as I got older (maybe the horrible sequels did it) but now I want to see it lol.

Sorry for the double post, felt it wasbetter then a whole new thread.
But what do you do with pictures and letters, old presents etc ? Honestly when I moved out of the apartment I not only grabbed my stuff, but all the little presents I gave her, cards with "ilove you" pictures poems, drawings etc. In hindsight that pretty much effectivly killed any chance she might randomly think of me. There is nothing left to remind her of me.

But as for me I have it all lol. And I burned everything she or I ever wrote to each other, and one night when I was drunk with my best friend, burned through a lot of pictures. But I just don't feel like burning everything. I still have pictures on computer, and emails saved. I deleted all her pics off my phone except one. I just don't know what to do with it all.

Just throw it all away? I am reminded of this question because today at my mothers house I saw a stack of photos I guess she just got developed, and there is my ex. On my 22nd birthday, and for halloween 06'. :(

Want to know what I did??

I found a beautiful box.. . one of those sentimental hat boxes that you can find at Ross or Target... and I lovingly placed everything that I was given by my ex. The canvasses he painted for me, the letters he wrote, the jewelry, the roses, all that beautiful stuff that he had given me. I put it in this beautiful little box, because I wanted to honor the time that we spent together. It ended horribly, HCTPC club was started for a reason - but I still wanted to honor the memory of a beautiful, loving relationship.

All these things stayed in this box for months... I'd take it down and look at it every once in a while.. . when I needed to feel the love again. Soon, I got to the point where it wasn't necessary - my box became a badge of my own healing.

I got rid of the box not too long ago...

Find yourself a beautiful box - one that honors the love that you feel/felt for her - and place everything in the box. You'll be glad you did... and you'll be glad that you have honored it...

In my ne'er to be humble opinion, don't throw it away until you're ready. :)

Happy Monday!

Thanks historianChick that sounds like a great idea. I think I will definitely do that this week. :)

Kevin: Hey, I'm not afraid anymore! I said I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore!

:D

Lately I been doing A lot to keep my mind and myself busy. I have picked up a lot of OT at work, so I am working almost the entire time I'm awake. 5-6 days a week. Which shows my employer I am dedicated but also keeps me from being bored, idle hands and all that. Also I get to reap the benefits come pay day. So I am one step closer to the motorcycle I want to get, to moving, and being able to enjoy HAVING money for a change.

I am finally out of the debt my ex and I got into when she was job hopping. I have been working out everyday and am actually pretty proud of the way I look now compared to 4-5 months ago. :) I am keeping my video game playing time down low because I believe that was a fault of mine, although I am going to buy a psp, because I can play games, listen to music and watch movies on it :)

Last night after a long day of work, I came home, and I was in a good mood. I may not have been 'happy' but I was confident that I was going to be OK.

So Id like to quote HC and Kevin. "I'm not afraid anymore!" I'll survive whatever is thrown my way, I am not afraid.

Yessssssss!! I'm proud of you! :)

You ever watch Home Alone, my friend? Or, The Holiday?

How's it all going for you?

The holiday you, haven't gotten a chance to rent Home Alone, working too much lol. Its all going OK. I had a dream about my ex last night. This one she saw me and I saw her but I walked away cause you know we arnt together and its hard. Well she came after me, came up to me and started hugging and kissing me. Like she hadn't seen me for years or something... in my dream I pushed her away, and I loved that moment, but I pushed her away.

Then I woke up.

I didn't cry when I woke up. I didn't say "God I hate my life". I got up, and started my day.

So how does that sound

Delow84... you're taking charge of your life, your emotions, your dreams, and your realities and, rather than focusing on the hurt and disappointments of the past few weeks, you're truly living in the moment.

You're getting up and starting your day.

You're surviving. Standing. Being.

You're doing great.

Couldn't agree more... I think your doing great.

Thanks guys. I honestly believe I wouldn't be doing so well if I hadn't made this post when I did. I'd probably still be wallowing in self pity.

But now I'm using all those feelings I had/have as my motivation in everything I do.

In the year and a half I have worked at my current job. This last 2 weeks was the first time I had a full 80 hours + OT (I use to leave 30 min early everyday and leave earlier when they would let me) The next 4 weeks I will have my 80+35 OT/2wks.

I feel like my inspiration to draw and write is slowly coming back. I am a lot more outgoing with people and friendly. I joined my workeds softball team (the game is sat, we haven't practiced and I'm the only one who knows what position I'm playing. Lmao) god that's going to be a slaughter.

Other then my psp I don't play games that much. Throw down a little on halo3 before bed but no more then 30 min. (unless I'm playing with my dad)... I really haven't been giving myself time to sulk. Which is good.

Sucks being a scorpio sometimes lol (read about scorpio and I am exactly how it describes)

A scorpio, huh? Being the complete cancer that I am, I am finding that (like you) this forum is again awakening a side of me that cancer personalities possess - the nurturing side. This forum helps more than we could possibly explain, doesn't it?

I've been abundantly blessed and indescribably nurtured through the receiving of - and giving of - advice here in this little corner of the e-world. Its amazing how many times what I type is just what I need to hear... this is a beautiful, healing place. (alright, I AM a girl, I can get sappy every once in a while, right? )

Its awesomely cool, isn't it? :)

I totally agree with you HC. This is a great site and I'm glad I found it.

So it's almost been 4 months since the split. The first 2 months I'd say were the worst. I had a cousin move in with me at my new apt so I wouldn't be alone (he is 19) and so he is of the mindset "lets go to a party, lets party etc" And seeing as when I was 18 riiiight when I was going to do all that, I got with ex, so I wasn't 'allowed' so I missed out on that stuff.

So those first 2 months I did some catching up on that part of my life. And although it was fun, it just isn't me lol. But at least now I know that I can go hang with some friends and drink some, or Sunday for the superbowl I can actually drink without a 2nd mother hovering over me.

These last 2 months are really when I am trying my hardest to keep busy (and constructive) I think maybe it was the night me and my friends were drinking heavy, and EACH of my 3 friends had an ex screw them over. So they got all depressed. Which sucked, and I got depressed. Well long story short everyone branded themselves on the chest.

Looking back its like duuuumb. But I've only drank once since and no way I'm letting my ex's memory have that kind of power over me.

So I set goals. A- get my motorcycle B- move to Colorado C- get skydiving certified D- mountain climbing/camping/fishing etc.

But it's easy to set goals, much harder to accomplish. What I think I've learned is nothing worth it comes easy, and nothing you have lasts forever. So got to do what you can, when you can and enjoy it.

So I am working 12-14 hours a day- 6 days a week. Working out for an hour everyday when I get home. Playing halo3 for like 30 min with whoever is still up. Going to sleep and repeating. It may not sound like much NOW. I am not running out doing all the fun things I want like my ex is. I've learned patience. In march I WILL get my bike, and ill have accomplished one of my goals, so I am excited and looking forward to it.

I will keep working hard (though not quite as many hours as now) and save so I can move this summer.

And lately it occurred to me, when I think of my ex, as much sadness as is mixed in those memories... when I picture her she just doesn't look the same. It's like the little things I overlooked when we were together, are blatantly obvious now.

She took an easy road, so she is happy now. Im on the harder road, I WILL be happier later. I will feel accomplished and confident in myself because what I am doing now. Then I will make memories WORTH remembering.


Bah just felt like venting some. I keep thinking of that diamond rio song the one about the broken road? Good song.

And lately it occured to me, when i think of my ex, as much sadness as is mixed in those memories.... when I picture her she just doesnt look the same. It's like the little things I overlooked when we were together, are blatantly obvious now.

She took an easy road, so she is happy now. Im on the harder road, I WILL be happier later. I will feel accomplished and confident in myself because what I am doing now. Then I will make memories WORTH remembering.

Wow... You're awesome, Delow. You're such an inspiration for all of us that have been through it.

I think the most prolific thing you said in that post was "when i picture her, she just doesn't look the same." Wow. You've been able to step back, look at the situation, and re-evaluate your opinions. That is one of the hardest things to do.

You have taken the steps on that proverbial "harder road" and you're well on your way to the mountain top... via a hot, Top Gun bike! ;)

You are amazing. I'm proud of you. It's been such a privilege to observe your journey. Keep us up to date and never be sorry for 'venting.'

via a hot, Top Gun bike! ;)


Lol that is awesome. I am going to so have someone drive next to me and take a pic or something lol.

Here on my first 70 hour OT check I'm going to take a little out so I can go buy me a new wardrobe. Cause to be honest I haven't bought myself clothes (other then 1 hat and 1 pair of shoes) since I was 18... I'm 23 now. Thank God for parents buying clothes instead of the cool stuff.

I am doing a lot better then I was at taking care of myself, keeping my hair nice and shaving etc. been getting a lot of compliments which is cool.

It still sucks going to bed cause I dream of her every night. My only comfort there is that no matter which version of her is there (the one I love, and the one who doesn't know what love is) I always push her away, It's never a dream of us together.

And like the song neon moon I think, every sad song does seem to say what I think or feel. So I just pick the top 10 or 15 songs that are the most depressing. And play them while I work out.

Vday is coming up. Not looking forward to that. Ill prob pull a double at work. Maybe buy the ladies I work with flowers :). And I still have a lot of those moments in the car that I get choked up and tears spring to my eyes. Just one day at a time though.

Lol that is awesome. I am gonna so have someone drive next to me and take a pic or something lol.

Now that's a must! If you do, post it on here!

Flowers for the ladies you work with... that's so sweet. It's a great idea, too.

Music is amazing, isn't it? I've been playing Slide and Let Love In a lot... and Better Days... basically, I've been listening to Goo Goo Dolls! Lol! Although, I did buy some peppy music this morning and am going to download it to my phone for working out... you know, the good stuff for Cardio (Get the Party Started, I'm too Sexy :), Survivor, those kind)

Take care!

Don't forget "I will survive" lol Ive been listening mostly to the key songs throughout my last relationship. But I'm starting to mix in a few more upbeat ones.
Oh and definitely going to have to post those pics when I get them, I am looking around early to mid march getting my bike (still need to get my 'M' license, and well learn how to ride lol)

Anyway today is my Friday so prob be 2 more days before I post on here ( I try and stay off computer when at home) so I will see everyone laters :)

I bought a bike first, then learned how to ride, then got the M license... You can ride on the permit you know... That's what I did.

I have a GSXr 600 red/black (red is my favorite color, what can I say) The bike is awsome.

Although, now I want something faster... 1000 maybe :)

Good luck bud

Nice robert, you I'm prob going to just get my permit and then bike like a day after, I am shooting for a 07' GSXr 600 red and black also... that's my fav color combo lol. Isn't no way id get a 1000 id prob kill myself lol.

Maybe later. :)

I don't care how fast a bike is, how hot it looks, how amazing it sounds... I've just got to be able to hang on to a sweetie! :)

(Although, Choppers... wow... Sorry guys, I like the cruisers! Oooo... and red. It has to be red. Or black. Black works, too! ;))

Cruisers are nice, but on a fast back with a girl behind you, going fast, she going to want to hold on a lot tighter, and be a lot closer. Which is OK by me. :) Black and Red always good choices

Yeah, my ex and I used to ride a lot on it... it's beautiful. I tried the big cruisers, and man those things are heavy... I like going into the corners fast and leaning down and all... with those things, you can't do any of it.

I also have a matching red/black helmet and jacket... man when I suit up :) I can't wait for it to warm up around here damn it.

GSXr's are the best... I'm not a fan of the Honda's or Kawasaki.

Having only been on a Ninja once with my ex, I really can't form an honest opinion. He had a cruiser as well and I was partial to that... Cruisers allow for more cuddles though.

Man... "I'm not afraid anymore!!!" (I felt the need for a Home Alone quote right then... )

Rah...

Anyway, biker boys...

Onward and Upward!!

I have been on a cruiser one time when I was like 9 or less. Never rode any other bike since then. I have always wanted a bike, couldn't get one with ex cause she felt it was to dangerous for me etc. So now I find myself with the opportunity, so ima take it :) plus sportsbikes just look so much more seksi then a cruiser. Imo of course.

So I have never been one of the types to spend a lot of time in front of a mirror. Only time I really ever do is to shave. For the most part I have been of the mind "I am what I am, don't like it I dont care." Which of course is a great outlook, that my ex kind of dented.

There were times in our relationship I hated the person I would see in the mirror. I never just saw myself and was like "wow this is me now." I still saw myself as immature and childish. I didn't really like it.

But yesterday, I was at a store waiting for the clerk to go get something, and saw myself in the window reflection, and for once in my life I think I liked and was proud of the person looking back. I am not perfect by far, but I feel like I'm coming into my own now.

And a few things that have helped my confidence lately... the nurses and techs and people at work keep complimenting me on diff stuff. And everyone seems more friendly to me. I went to a party Friday night since I managed to get out after 10 hours of working... my bro and cousin were there. And again more people(girls) all complimenting me and flirting and stuff. I had a great time till I went home and threw up on the floor lol. And for some reason I got the nick name mike, as in michael jackson... (I think its from my long hair, of which I don't know how many girls were running their fingers through.)

I haven't stopped thinking of my ex. But I've remembered so much that I had forgotten, that she did to hurt me. I have looked at her pic on my cell one (the only pic I have on it) only once in I don't know how long. I actually went out to eat with my family (in the past I would always blow them off to stay home) it was fun. We ate at a chinese restaurant, and when I looked at my fortune cookie I had to laugh.

"A journey of a thousand miles, must begin with a single step."

So I'm taking each step, and enjoying whatever happens when I do.

Oh and I found a really cool song, called "does that make me crazy" don't know exactly what its about but its upbeat and the chorus sounds like how I feel so its awesome lol. Now I will still bust out with tears, but at least I don't have to pull over the car or work myself till I pass out to stop or get my mind off whatever.

Anyway just thought id give an update on my journey. :)

Been reading this post for a while, but I honestly can't add much to it, as it seems to have been covered very well, by others who have posted. Glad your doing so well.

Awww, Delow! Sounds like you had an awesome weekend!

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." How true is that? And, how appropriate. You're taking those steps... can't wait to see where you end up!

As much as an e-friend can be... I'm proud of you! :)

Thanks for the update on your journey. You da bomb, babe!

Been reading this post for a while, but I honestly can't add much to it, as it seems to have been covered very well, by others who have posted. Glad your doing so well.

Fortunatly I have gotten a lot of good advice, and it really helps just to voice all the thoughts in my head. It trully helps just to have people compliment you or like HC say they are proud of you. Don't hear that stuff often so this thread has been my own personal inspiration.

I guess atm I'm on a low, prob didn't help that my cousin(who was probably my biggest supporter in the beginning of all this) kind of got my in a bind financially so got to fix that. Then the fact that nights are so lonely. Meh.

I wrote a lot of poems along time ago, and maybe it was forshadowing because they all say it best how I feel now.
I wrote this one and its where I'm at tonight more or less... but tonight won't last forever.

Nights so lonely I could cry
Days so dark that I could die...
Feelings so strong that they hurt my soul
Indifference from friends that makes me cold
What I hold onto every night
Is the hope that ill be all right
And every morning I dread that day
Feeling my life is slipping away
I grab and hold but still it goes...
Its washed away to leave me exposed...
Friends and family, they don't see
What I'm feeling, what's wrong with me...
They say that they understand...
And they're doing the best they can
But what is really hurting me the most
Is not having someone to hold close...
Someone to love me for who I am.
And I try every day to do what I can
But I'm always left with nights so lonely I could cry
And days so dark I want to die.

A single step. Definitely words to live by. K now I got to go work out these thoughts I got.
I just burned me 2 cd's, one is all upbeat sad/inspirational songs, the other is just plain sad lol. Night everyone, go pats!

You need a cardio cd, too. All those good 90's (granted, CHEESY) heavy bass songs. Then go out and work out! I had to make on after a particularly bad breakup. Something about working out and heavy bass that helps "cleanse."

(Poor Brady!! Sooooo glad that last quarter was exciting... and the last 35 seconds... wow... )

I just didn't want the giants to win, they got lucky vs my pack >:). But you I'm feeling much better today, took your advice and made another cd lol. The weekend is usually the tougher part of my week, at work I don't have time to dwell to long.

Look what I found this morning... I LOVE it!! :)

"Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." ~Leonardo Da Vinci~

Amazing, isn't it?

Forgive my ignorance, HC... I do think this is a great thought... but I don't understand the part about "He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind..." Your thoughts?

Not ignorance at all, my friend. Every quote, verse, saying, story has a different meaning to each person who reads it.

For me, I think "He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." talks about purpose.

I've always been fascinated with the stars. I have experienced some of my greatest memories when lying beneath a starry blanket. One of my favorite quotes is "The most tempestuous wind cannot disturb the quiet of the stars." The stars are a source of constant inspiration.

The whole "fixing on a star" is a very important part of my life. When I was a kid, my Dad and I would go camping once a month with this little YMCA group called Indian Princesses. It was a Dad/Daughter bonding thing. We lived in Michigan, so it was cold most of the months that we camped... we'd sit out by the fire with the other Dad's and Daughters and watch the stars come out. My Dad (who, by the way is my hero) and I would always find Orion and talk about it. Since those days, I have often found Orion with my Dad and remembered.

My Dad passed away from cancer four years ago. I remember one night, very close to the end, after leaving my Dad at the hospital for the night, I came home, parked my car, and burst into tears. I got out of my car and laid down on my driveway and found "our" Orion. And I started to "talk to Dad." Ever since then, whenever I see Orion in the night sky, I feel a special connection with my Dad and yes, I still "talk" to him while fixing on those stars.

So for me, when I fix my sights on that star, I will never lose sight of my hero, my inspiration, my guide. By doing so, I know that no matter what happens in life, I will always have that star.

When you fix your sites on a star, whatever it is - healing after a break up, going for a PhD (another star I've fixed my sight on!), finishing the day - whatever "star" you fix your sights on, if you truly focus your attention and drive upon that star, you will never change your mind.

You will go on into that successful life of pursuing your dream... your own star.

HC... thanks for the story and your take on the phrase. INSPIRING...
I have read some of your past... (being left at the altar... etc... etc... ) yet you seem SO PUT TOGETHER! How long were you a mess? You have come so far! (Was it long ago? )

I can only hope that I am where you are soon... Thank you again for being such an inspiration to me and others.

HistorianChick has a lot of thoughtful, purposeful insight into this. Listen to her and I think you'll learn your way soon enough.

Oh, Darlin, I've really only shared half of the icky stuff that have made me who I am!

How did I get "so put together?" One moment at a time.

I've always kept faithfully to the "ten minute rule." When you're going through the roller coaster of life, you need to have time to breathe... but sadly, once you finally think you're at a gentle part of the roller coaster, the bottom drops out and you're in a free fall (or a loop-dee-loop!) Basically, you must schedule "breather" times. I have gone with ten minutes a day.

I know that I have ten minutes (my drive home from work) to vent, scream, cry, RAH at the world, sing, go nuts, blubber, be the inner-depressed-self that we all have, pull my hair out, whatever. Some days, I literally live for those ten minutes. When I was going through my ex-fiasco and in the time that my Dad was sick, then after his funeral I took those ten minutes every day - I lived for them, I focused on them... BUT, by living for them, guess what happened?? The rest of my day was lived under the "I can make it til 5. I can do this. I can cry later."

Then, the day came when I didn't need the ten minutes. I sang along with the Goo-Goo Dolls on the way home, rather than mess up my eye makeup with tears! The next day, I needed it again. Recently, I've needed it. But only on some days.

Bottom line: I have learned to be content. I have learned to know that there is a plan, that I have a purpose, that my destiny is beautiful and bright. I have learned that I am the type of emotional woman that needs ten minutes every day (even if I don't use said minutes) to fall apart. Because when I allow myself that time, I know that I can make it through the day.

You have to live in the moment. Every moment is laced with shiny-potential (see my signature). Every day is a new chance to show the world what you can do. Every person is a potential friend/colleague/inspiration. Every struggle is just a chance to grow. Every rip in your broken heart will scab and make a pearl (if you haven't seen that post, let me know - I'll send you the link).

I'm a sucker for pearls. I have way too many. Because I've been hurt and wounded and left at the altar and passed-over and crushed and betrayed. BUT, hon, I've also been blessed beyond measure. I have friends. Family. A job. A beautiful past and a glorious future. I have me. My character. My personality. My likes and dislikes. Myself.

Annnnnd I rambled way too much! :) Hope this helped a tad! :) I'm a delightful tie-dye of life experiences... If I say so myself! ;)

All hail the 10 minute rule!

I can feel a copyright deal coming on, maybe a book deal?

Ya HC is great, and her advice is definitely worth listening too. But on the davinci quote my take on the last phrase is a little diff "he who is fixed to a star does not change his mind" to me is like if you focus on one thing you never experience everything else. You know?

Like if you dwell on an ex so much it rules your life, you miss the opportunities that life gives you. I don't know but HC's interpretation better.

See, this is why I love quotes. It translates into something different to everyone!

But, as you all already know, my perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism colors my interpretation of all of life's events, no matter how dull and dreary. Consequently, I tend to apply quotes/stories/sayings on the positive side, glass-half-full end of the spectrum! :)

Although, yes Delow, I can totally see that application to the quote as well...

Ooo... BUT if you dwell on healing and moving on so much, no matter what the ex does it won't deter you from your goal...

:) either way it is a really inspirational quote. I had a tough night last night, so you brightened my day with that quote HC.

Aww... shucks. Thanks, Delow.

I love brightening people's days!

Glad it helped :)

HC

Have to spread the rep so can't give you a greenie for those 2 posts earlier , but as you always say to others... you DA BOMB girl :-)

Me. Da bomb... Coolness... :D

You guys are going to give me a big head...

Nothing I ever say is life-changing or bombastically awesome... its all just life experience for me. I'm so very thankful that it is helping you out a bit. You have no idea how cathartic this whole AMHD is to me, as well. Giving advice helps put things in perspective...

Like you're quote, "M" - "There's only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that's not learning from experience!!" I've learned from my experiences!

I have to agree, this site is a big help. Just being able to ask questions,vent, and receive honest feedback, ideas, encouragment is a big help. And that quote, I read it any time I see you post, it's great.

So I finally got a car today (just a pos to get from point A to point B until I get my bike) which means I can go back to my apt, rather then stay at my parents. I haven't been to me and my cousins apartment since new years. So that sucked. I got the car today, my cousin informs me he is moving out. After 'losing' the rent money for this last month, and failing to mention he just didn't go to work for over a week (prob got fired)... so kind of had to dig deep to cover rent and bills etc while he partied. That sucked. But he is leaving so HOPEFULLY ill get what he owes, though I doubt it. At least I will have my apartment back, and I will have someone to be if I want to be alone.

So OK that's just what's up, now some philosophy on my part that I've come too.

Now this may make more sense to the younger generation (maybe) but Life is really like a good video game lol. (I use to be heavy gamer though not the nerdy type lol)

Now go with me, say I got some looong rpg game, takes a lot of time to do really well in the game you know? Well say I'm hours into it and I don't save my progress... and power goes out! Minus the cussing and screaming at the power, I lost EVERYTHING I had worked for. Albeit its just a game, still.

Now some people could say "scre-- this, im not playing anymore" and give up... they never get to see the end.

Me, I start over (and I'm very angry while I do that lol) but I quickly realize, that starting over I get much further, in a shorter amount of time. I do a lot better, because I already made the mistakes the first time around, saw what I needed and wanted, and what I needed to stay away from.

So at first I was angry, upset that I lost everything I had, and worked hard for...
In the end, I accomplish more, faster. I avoid mistakes I made. I do things I SHOULD have done. And I get to see the ending and feel that much more satisfied and content seeing as I worked hard, and didn't give up.

I thought that was a good analogy... or metaphor?

Basically it boils down to, learn from your mistakes... don't give up, and in the end its much sweeter when you don't.

(and remember to save)

First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definatly understand. And i'm sorry this is so long... ended up venting some.

Now im a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on Aol and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her.

During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt alowed to watch movies with nudity or that show alot of female skin. Ya she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lieing all together.

She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there i might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didnt have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played to much.

And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her.

Well im sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a bday for a girlfriend from work. Im like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldnt go) well she texts me later askin if she could go bowling with her sis, im like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so i head to the bowling alley to suprise her. Not there. Next day I dont confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and i look up the clubs where I live.... and then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didnt realize it.

So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldnt be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. lol. wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and im like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since.

I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasnt alowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldnt have.

It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching tv and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought i was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace)

And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesnt feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt.

But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life aint over, but the lifewith her is. and thats what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing.

So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, i blog ALOT on myspace, and now im on here asking, what, i dont know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didnt know what I was gonna write, but looks to me as all the reasons why it might have been a good thing.

But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know im not the first or last to feel this way, but i just can't listen to my own advice i guess.
Be a man , get a life , she was head wrecker , your well shot of her. Get on with it and grow up . Why you look for women online anyway . You can meet them everywhere ,bookshops ,walmart, burgerking,bars, grow up get out there ,move on.

BE A MAN , GET A LIFE , SHE WAS HEAD WRECKER , YOUR WELL SHOT OF HER. GET ON WITH IT AND GROW UP . WHY YOU LOOK FOR WOMEN ONLINE ANYWAY . YOU CAN MEET THEM EVERYWHERE ,BOOKSHOPS ,WALMART, BURGERKING,BARS, GROW UP GET OUT THERE ,MOVE ON.

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...

People deal with things differently... not everyone is the same. If we were, the world would be borinng and there would only be one kind of product.

BE A MAN , GET A LIFE , SHE WAS HEAD WRECKER , YOUR WELL SHOT OF HER. GET ON WITH IT AND GROW UP . WHY YOU LOOK FOR WOMEN ONLINE ANYWAY . YOU CAN MEET THEM EVERYWHERE ,BOOKSHOPS ,WALMART, BURGERKING,BARS, GROW UP GET OUT THERE ,MOVE ON.

While I agree she was a "head wrecker" I don't agree in any way that I wasn't being a man, I was just a stupid man in love. And I AM getting on with it, and I AM growing up. I wasn't LOOKING for girls online, I used AOL to talk to 'friends' I had from where I just moved from. SHE messaged me first. Anyway.

So you, thanks friend4u :) I thought maybe the younger generation could have something they might be more attuned to as advice. I just say same thing much smarter people have said, just with video games as an example :P

So ya, thnx friend4u :) I thought maybe the younger generation could have something they might be more attuned to as advice. I just say same thing much smarter people have said, just with video games as an example :P

Thanks Delow , and a good analogy too , I hope your not calling me old though :)

You wernt allowed go out with friends friends ,seems like she ran your life, you weren't a man in love you was aman being Controlled

Lol of course not friend4u :). And dlee889, I was a man who believed in compromise, I believed in understanding. She had personal issues, and insecurities I wasn't about to just drop her because of those, I would be a shallow person if I did. I DID stand up formyself at times, which is what we mostly ever fought about. She didn't "RUN" my life, and I wasn't being CONTROLLED. I am the one who ended it, as painful as it was. Not because of her insecurities or issues, but because she wouldn't compromise, she wouldn't work with me, and she was a lying hypocrite.

And don't get me wrong, I wasn't allowed to do a lot... but then I didn't CARE about those things. Turn my head during nudity in movies? Albeit kind of immature to have to, but do I care? How does it HURT ME to do it?

I CARED enough about her, to be understanding because Ya I wasn't perfect I did things just like her to hurt our trust (I never cheated or even close) so I was understanding, not controlled. I LOVE her and I wanted HER to be happy. Because if SHE was happy then I figured I would be to. But its all bittersweet.

I don't regret one thing I did OR didn't do. And I don't regret any of the decisions I made regarding her extreme jealousy andinsecurities. I did what I thought was best for the relationship at the time. I made that choice to go along with her.

So I will learn from what I did, I will learn from what she did, but I was ALWAYS in control of my own life. I was just trying to have her be APART of my life.

You tell me to grow up? Walk a mile in my shoes, before you JUDGE me.
I am open to critism, feedback, both constructive and destructive. But at least have experienced it, or know what your talking about if you are.

Thanks

Which is true... but honestly imo you never know someone is the wrong one, until they are. How could I have known what was going to happen? I am not going to go into any relationship thinking "this could happen, because she acts like this" or "she is going to hurt me bad because she does this" No one is perfect, I just got to be more careful.

She wanted instant gratification, I want long term happiness. So lesson learned I think.

She wanted instant gratification, I want long term happiness. So lesson learned i think.

I'm liking your new-found philosophy, Delow.

Look at your original post title - Mind says this, heart says that... It has been really great to watch as your heart and your mind are becoming more "in-tune" with each other.

Keep it up. :)

Lol you I'm going on 5 months now, with alotta ups and downs, along the way. So I guess for me a month for each year is kind of accurate. Though I doubt I'm completely over her or satisfied (thus far) Im doing much better now then a month ago. (or more)

NC is a big help (and I don't have to worry about her trying to contact me)... my recent change of shift prevents me from seeing her when I drive to work like it was the first 2 months >.< And me using some willpower not to look at her facebook/myspace is really helping.

And keeping busy!

I am a big philosophier lol. And I love how you put that HC, about my original post and how now my heart and mind are becoming more intune... I guess in everything that's been going on it started happening without me noticing. ^^

I'm liking your new-found philosphy, Delow.

Look at your original post title - Mind says this, heart says that... It has been really great to watch as your heart and your mind are becoming more "in-tune" with each other.

Keep it up. :)

Had to spread the rep, as what you say is so true. As we spend years to know ourselves, what we want, how to get it, and what we can't do. The bottom line is to know ones self, very well. You are growing, Delow.

So in 3 days it will basically be 4 months since I broke up with my ex (and found out all she had been doing)

My first post here kind of explains where I was at around 3 months... multiply that going back each month to day one, and I think I have come a long way thanks to help on here.
I finally completed a small goal of mine, got my tattoo. Kanji for "sincere faithfulness"" or loyalty". A small goal but one I met.

My routine has basically been, get up at 12pm or 1pm... get ready and go to work at 2pm, get off work at 2am, play some halo with my dad if he's up, otherwise workout till 3am. And fall asleep listening to extremely sad music lol. Repeat. Weekend I go out with friends, hang out with family, what ever comes up.

Ive kept myself from checking on ex :) or even bad mouthing her lol. I feel confident in my life right now, like I'm walking forward with purpose I guess you could say. Hitting small goals like getting my tattoo or getting 40 hours of OT (when the previous year I never worked OT and left early alot) and working out , and seeing a serious improvement in phsyique and how much I weigh (im to 140lbs yay me) and writing a poem that I thought, as did many other people, was extremely cute and beautiful and sweet, make me feel proud of myself.

My ex roommate recently screwed me over but I managed to handle it, kick him out of apt, and now this weekend I get to clean up the apartment (which he trashed) and actually make it my own, which it hasn't ever been.

I still get really sad sometimes, when I remember certain things, or something that she did in the end etc... but those moments are fleeting, and as much as they hurt, the pain goes away much quicker. Life definitely doesn't seem as bleak as it did a few months ago. And apart of me still wishes she was in my life. But then I realize now my life will be much better without her in it.

So I'm getting there, lol and I promise I won't keep ressurecting this thread now. :)

So im getting there, lol and i promise i wont keep ressurecting this thread now. :)

Delow
You keep ressurecting as long as you need , I like reading about your progress :)

resurrecting :) I figured I shouldn't keep bringing back both of my threads, just need one.

Its so amazing how much works out, and happens when you just stop trying to force it. The last week, and esp Friday and Saturday have been so amazing. I keep thinking of ex, here and there everyday. But, I don't know, I just feel so much more confident.

I have a cool little puppy, whom I have named Cassie (I stuck with the eee sound) She is a beautiful little Papillon. She is the sweetest little pup, and I don't think even on a bad night when memories are strong, ill get as down if she is around :P So you... and that waitress I was flirting with and got a date with... that's kind of a real big ego boost (that I definitely needed) she is very pretty, into A lot of the things I like. So we see what happens :) either way I made a cool friend that I can share my interests with.

My tattoo looks awesome, I get so many compliments, and tats are great ice breakers! Anyway... I hope people read this thread, realize that though details may be different... things will always get better with time, and if you try to better yourself for yourself.

For me, my next step, spending time with Cas, teaching her tricks and stuff and even going to obedience classes (and agility when she is old enough). And you know although I get teased at work for getting a 'girl' dog... the girls LOVE my dog lol. So you can do one of two things... get a 'mans' dog that is growling and barking when you bring a friend over... or get a 'girl' dog (which paps are 8th smartest dog) and have the girl go 'awwwwwww' then your like "hey cas go sit on her lap and shake her hand" bam... you smooth lol -.^

Hey Delow
Cassie... I like it. I think you should take a picture of her and use it as your Avatar.

Definitely a good idea, I carry my camera around withme now, I took a ton of pics when I got home. She is really bossy, I'm always surrounded with bossy girls >.<. She got sleepy and cried till I got on me knees so she could lay under, and between my legs. Then I laid her on my bed and went in later, she lifted her head and looked at me, I laid mine where she had hers... she cried until I moved my head and she laid right back down and fell asleep lol. Pets are wonderful distractions.

You should really get her used to sleeping in her own Basket or whatever , a good little trick is to put an old clock that ticks under her blanket , it replicates the sound of the mothers heartbeat. Try it , it works.

And looking forward to see the pic!

You but atm I'm staying at my moms because I still need to clean up my apt after my roommate left >.< I don't mind the sleeping on a bed, but right now she is so small I will definitely make her a bed, and try the clock thing, that's a great idea! Thanks

So, had a great weekend, talked to that chick Ky a bit more. And our date today is set... but now I'm getting nervous lol. I haven't ever been on a date date... and haven't gone out with anyone since my ex, which means since high school...

So we are meeting up at starbucks in a book store... going to talk about art and she is going to show me some of her work etc... And a girl I'm friends with at her work mentioned some things about her... well she sounds like a GREAT girl so I guess I'm intimidated now. I don't want to make a bad impression or anything.

Not getting my hopes up or anything, I mean no matter what happens I made a cool friend, but I don't know how observant I am on if a girl is feeling me you know?

Darling Delow, just be yourself and she will be enamored, hooked, gone, over-the-moon! :)

Starbucks! Greeeaaaat choice. Jazz, strong coffee, awesome atmosphere... can't go wrong.

YAY! :) I'm happy for you!

Darling Delow, just be yourself and she will be enamored, hooked, gone, over-the-moon! :)

Starbucks! Greeeaaaat choice. Jazz, strong coffee, awesome atmosphere... can't go wrong.

YAY! :) I'm happy for you!

"Just be yourself" I knew I'd hear that, but I guess hearing it from someone else just sounds better lol. Thanks HC :)

And you starbucks sounded great... I mean art... books... coffee (hot chocolate for me lol) and music... thought it was a good idea at the time. Well she seems like a great girl, hopefully I can live up to my expectations of myself and make a good impression :P

Forget everything but the fun, make her smile, laugh, and just have fun. Hey you're a Texan, and that's what we do.

Make the most of it while the sun shines... Live the moment and u'll go with the flow... all the best!

So, she had said to meet around 6ish... so I get there about 10 min before, looked at books, looking for one on Papillons, bought a hot chocolate... and around 630 I sent her a message asking if she forgot about me. Well seems we miscommunicated and she went to another starbucks, but didn't have time to meet up cause of a previous dinner with a friend and she hangs with her mom on weds.



Now I felt like I was being blown off at first, but she made a comment that she works tomorrow and I could come up to see her, and we could meet up Sunday cause she is off... So I don't know what to think, just bad luck today? But she IS interested, or she isn't and is trying to like let me down easy I guess. I don't know.

Is her offering up me coming to see her, and Sunday a good thing?

Chill out Delow. You don't want to seem needy do you?

Go see her and have a good time with no expectations , then if something becomes of it all good. If it doesn't you've found a new friend.

True true lol thanks friend :) sux being new to it all again

LOL... just go and have a fun time and your true self will shine through.

I agree with F4U (yet again!). Don't worry... your signals were crossed, you didn't get let down easy. She wants to meet up with you tonight! She's interested.

Go. Have a great time. Be yourself. And... (drumroll, please)... she will see what an awesome guy you are and she'll be hooked. :)

I have a routine set up for myself, so that my mind is constantly busy. I go to work, get off and spend some time with either my best friend (hes over almost everyday) and Cassie (my puuuupppyy). I drink some and play halo with jason, clean the apartment a little bit everyday. Then I put on a playlist on my computer of every sad song I can think of that reminds me of my ex. (except one that I just can't listen to) I will play it and work out for an hour or two, then lay down with Cassie and either draw or write whatever comes to my mind. Throw in a mix of going out and shooting pool, downloading movies to watch (jumper is a good movie lol) And that's my day :P

But somewhere in that seemingly boring routine I have realized a few things. One thing, which was sparked by my organizing and packing away all me and my ex's stuff. I still love her without a doubt. I found a poem to that effect that I had written for her. Again I don't think she ever saw it. I love her still, and will always love and remember her. When I am shooting pool I know that memories of teaching her how to shoot right and consistently will jump in my head. And I smile at those memories. On the flip side I know that those bad memories will come up and bite me in the butt. I don't just love who she was, I love who she IS. My love was never conditional "you have to be this way for me to love you" I loved everything about her. I wasn't so blind I couldn't see her faults, I made the conscious choice she wasn't perfect, but I thought she was perfect for me.

Now I bet your thinking "oh man relapse" lol. But far from it. I read a quote by HC earlier... and it was perfect. I am not ready to be in a relationship, or even try. And I know this because I TRY at all. :P I am happy, and sad, I am completely miserable, and yet completely satisfied.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know if I will win the lottery, meet a supermodel or just fall over and die. I don't know. But I DO know, when I go home tonight, my best friend will be there. Cassie will run in circles and chase me and try to entice me to play. I know I can look forward to my ferret stealing Cassie's toys and hiding them under the dresser.

I may not know what's coming over the horizon, but I sure as heck know what's already here.

And I have noticed that lately I have far less moments where I think "How could she?" or "Why?" and far more "To bad for her." "She is missing out." "her loss."

The way I see it now, If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Ok Delow just a couple of things

1.Love the puppy and good to see you got her pic as your avatar

2.Thinking about her and the things you did together are perfectly normal , its just with time you will do it less , its just part of the process.

3. STOP listening to sad songs that remind you of her , for now at least. Where does it get you?

4.Love the quote you put at the end of your post here :-)

The way I see it now, If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Dear Delow - you are doing awesome... remember that ol' Hall of Cell-Phone-Taker-Chargers? (or something like that! Lol) You're doing our elusive, illustrious, amazing ranks proud.

You're at that blessed place in the healing process where you're remembering the sweet moments, the delightful escapades, the special secrets. And, that is a wonderful place to be. But F4U is right... try mixing a few Goo Goo Dolls or Bangles in there (ok, OK, maybe not your cup of tea, but you know what I mean!) and rock out. Celebrate you-ness. Your own awesomeness.

Glad one of my quotes could help you - you always know how to reach me! :)

(BTW - love the pic of Cassie! Such a cutie!)

Thanks :) and the reason I listen to the sad music (because my friend told me to stop also) is to use it TO think about everything, and channel it into what I'm doing, like working out.
And its MUCH easier to sing along with a slow sad song then an upbeat fast tempo song, so I get to sing to Cassie lol. At least I can say I don't pull out her pics, or things that remind me of her. I don't check on her, and I've stopped looking at every yellow cobalt I see thinking it might be her lol.

I am pretty awesome lol. I taught Cassie how to sit, and shake and SOMETIMES lay down on command... 7 weeks old :P I so proud!

Lately I kept focusing on what might have been, what might be, where I might end up. But that is pretty useless thinking. Now I'm thinking, This is what is, and where I am at. And I am content with that.

Ah, I understand now. The sweet, healing symphony of slow songs...

Understand perfectly...

Yep yep, although one song in particular I just can't listen to... "I wanna grow old with you" by adam sandler... gawd.

Anyway I would recommend listening to every sad song you know, if you're an artist, writer, or whatever, listen to it. Then do what you do. Draw, paint, write, read, dance... amazing things come from it. You will be surprised at what happens, and then even more surprised when those sad songs don't hold the same meaning they once held.

I really hate this, I can be doing soooo good... or at least think I am. I haven't checked Ex's myspace even though I have been tempted... I don't check my emails as soon as I wake up hoping for an email from her. I don't cry at the drop of a hate anymore... I don't worry about running into her like I did before.

But at night, all alone I go to sleep listening to some of the sappiest songs I can think of. Every night I ask God to help me out, I ask him to make tomorrow better then today. I day dream of so many scenarios of what I'd do in this situation, or that. And even with all that, I have maybe shed only a hand ful of tears.

Not seeing her (pictures or in person) or talking to her definitely helps, because I am sure I'd be worse if I did.

But well I did something (or am doing something) stupid now... for SOME ODD reason... I decided to play all these songs, that she sang into a microphone and I saved on my comp ( I loved when she sang, and she loved to sing) and even have a save of her singing happy birthday and "you are my sunshine" on my birthday...

Hearing her voice is tearing me up lol. It's like when you sprain your ankle and it hurts like hell, yet you keep putting a little pressure on it, or when you have a bruise and you keep poking it. It's like "stop poking it"... yet you can't help it.

Hearing my ex sing "you were mine" by the dixie chicks kills me.

This really sux. I see attractive woman all over the place, but honestly I don't care. I could bet my life that I'd recognize my ex just from a finger showing. I thought she was so beautiful... she never believed it which is I'm guessing one reason she did what she did.

I still remember every curve of her face, the way she smelled and even how she walked. Those things don't leave me alone.
Blah.
Blah

Time. Time seems to be flying by. Feels like just a few weeks ago I started posting here, and feels like just a few months ago this all happened. Yet its been so much longer. I am trying to let go and move on. I am trying to leave the past behind. And I have been doing so well. But I don't have any good true friends here where I live. I lost some of the closest friends I ever had, because I wanted my ex to believe in me... stupid.

The only way I get friends to hang out is if I buy beer (which I don't even get to drink much of it) and say "lets play halo" bleh. I am tired of video games. It is honestly one thing I did wrong in our relationship. Was play too much.

"goodbye to you" heh truer words have never been spoken (sang?)

Because I get out of work at 1030pm I can't really go out to places and meet someone... really all I got are bars and clubs... for some reason I don't do good at clubs (I think I'm a little epileptic, I passed out within 10 min because of lights and the beat and got kicked out lmao on halloween) and I just don't want to go to places like that.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have my routine keeps me busy throughout the week. But then my weekend comes along (my days off rotate) and I have nothing for all that time id be at work.

Blah I'm just venting. Time. It heals all wounds, but I'm like an elephant, I never forget. :( I think they even say that about scorpios... when we are wronged we never forget. I still have kids who picked on me in kindergarten on my metaphorical hit list. Haha joke, but I remember their names.

God... ever heard that song God must be busy? It's how I feel.

I know how you feel Delow... it sucks to have a good memory, it sucks to be smart, it sucks to be a thinker and a dreamer. I remember all about my ex too... I really thought we had something special, but if its all the same to her, then I guess it wasn't that special after all. I know you know that this is just a weak moment for you, and it will pass. If you've got nothing to do on the weekend volunteer. I recently volunteer a few times a week at a day care... let me tell you, the kids love me and it feels great to play with them and whatnot. At first they were afraid of me because my voice is so deep (and sexy :p) but they've really grown attached. I have their mothers asking me to come over during the week to babysit, I would but I got a job. And I've been hit on by so many single mothers, I don't really want baby momma drama, but its still nice.

So yeah, volunteer somewhere where there's ladies or something... I currently have 3 girls after me, but I'm still in school so I meet girls there all the time. I also hate clubs and bars, but I love to shoot pool, go to a pool hall, hustle some people if you're good, if you're not ask someone if they'd teach you some tricks.

Hang in there buddy, you've been busy, but sometimes things just catch up to you.

I think I'm going through some of it what you're going through right now... For some time I felt good and I thought I was getting over it all and everything is going to be great... Well I was wrong.

Some times I still think of her and I miss everything we had... It just hurts so much knowing it's all gone now. I keep thinking that maybe if I was in a relationship I'd be able to move on and stop all these feelings towards the ex... But Like you, I'm not into the club scene much and frankly I wouldn't even want a girl from a club.

I see a lot of attractive girls and all, but I don't have the courage to aproach them or even say anything... Yesterday was such a nice day, so I took my motorcycle for a ride... IT brought the memories of us riding together and having so much fun... It just hurt too damn much...

It's been 2.5 months for me... The pain is still there and I'm hoping it goes away.

R

Wow, guys aren't we a messed up bunch. Sheeesh. So I am on my 3rd or 4th week of NC. IT HURTS LIKE FREAKING HELL. I try the same thing, not to look at myspace etc. Still do. Have not called or emailed. I am Dying Dying to email. I have been thinking about it for a week now. I will probably do it because I still feel like I have one last thing to say. I probably should not do it, but I need to for me. I wrote all I could then reread imagining her responses. So after that I realized I had nothing to say. But one thing.

Its hard not to blame yourself and not to look at all the things that I did wrong that probably made it into what it is (I know should not blame myself.) But yea there are things I did wrong and I am very mad that I did them. So yea "next time." whatever.

Today I look at it this way.

I'm weak and broken. Who is going to want that?
I have lost joy in EVERYTHING. What am I doing?
Everything I do is to try to mask the truth and hide how I feel. Why am I doing this?
Sure I miss her like hell and I pray sometimes that the good we had will overcome. I beat myself up for losing what I felt to be something special.

I am seriously pissed because I am here because of the decisions I made. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of wanting. I am tired of waiting for someone else. Times I get afraid that I will end up completely blocking her out and then that will be that.

I think perhaps first before trying to want someone back and this and that. GET RIGHT first. Quiet down, feel okay about yourself, not about who she thought I was. IT hurts. Even the good days or good things make me feel even worse. If I wake up and the sun is shinning it makes me even sadder. I don't to use bitterness to get "over her." Can not do anything. SO they tell me sometimes if you pretend long enough that you are happy you will one day find yourself believing that you are. I have a vivid memory and imagine everything we did and how she will be doing that with someone else now. What I lost, what I don't have anymore. How can I enjoy anything anymore now that I know what I have lost? They tell me not to beat myself up, to cry, be a man, get over, it will get better blah blah blah. K fine, intellectually I believe it, makes sense, these are life's patterns. We love, we loose then We love again. Poetry of life. Life always makes more sense looking back, so how to we gain that foreshight, to be ourselves as we wish. I wake up every morning around 2 and vivid thoughts of her rush through my head, gosh when will I fall asleep. I cannot change the way I feel, even though I can change what I do. I can fight everyday not to look at her myspace. Or I can do it be don feel bad and keep slapping myself in the face till I get tired of it. Dammit. My brain won't stop. I am a smart guy, I can look at a situation from infinite angles all seemingly valid, very complicated, yet infinitely simple. What will I choose to believe? What will get me the results I want? What's in my head is more real than what's out there. I cannot foresee the future even though the ones that have gone before me, tell me what lies ahead.

She is just a girl. A girl that onced loved me and now can not come near me. Was I that bad?

Fundamentally what kind of person am I?

That's Today, god knows how I will feel tomorrow

Hey guys...

Here is what I'm feeling today... Yes, it's a "chick show," but, boy... I couldn't say it better.

YouTube - It hurts too much (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJGOTxZ-Ogg)

Sometimes, we just have to let go...

Lol, yep. Now if I can only feel like letting go :)

HA. Someday. Funny stuff.

Plan something for those down times, and off days. The whole idea is enjoying the freedom to do new things, and meet new people, and have the courage to do what your afraid of. Volunteering, I can guarantee, will get you off thoes pity pots and see what its like for people with some devastating problems. Hospitals , schools, retirement homes, soup kitchens. Makes being sad seem kind of good. It's a great way to do for others besides yourself, and meet some great dedicated people. Get with the healing guys, and stop missing the many options for fun, and a good life, that are out there, that don't involve alcohol or video games. You will never find anything by remembering her cute butt. Sports, gyms, libraries and grocery stores, great place to practice those people skills with real people. Now rather than later. That's all a part of healing. Make a plan to engage 2 strangers every day, not for romance but as a good happy human, and see how that makes you feel. Don't knock it without trying it.

[QUOTE=talaniman]You will never find anything by remembering her cute butt.QUOTE]
Lol

You guys are all right, and I knew I could count on you guys being there.
I will definitely try volunteering, and just trying to plan stuff for my days off. I have freedom but I guess the suddeness of it was still new... still haven't spread my wings so to speak lol.

Today I helped my cousin (my dads goddaughter so like a sister to me) read for awhile... it was fun lol.

Im going to have nights like last night I'm sure, but hopefully less frequently. Lately I have 'felt' the ties binding me to her memorie slowly breaking away (hard to put it into words) and its scary, and sad. Its like I can sense myself moving on even if only an inch a day.

But no matter how bad it ever gets. Even if I throw a big pity party and look at all our old memories etc... Ill still be here tomorrow :)

Anyway thanks guys I appreciate it!

So it's one of those nights again lol. But I have had things happen the last few days to kind of push me to where I'm at. I had a blocked number call at 1230am (only people who know me know Im not asleep) and no one I know blocks there number. So of course that thought it might be ex popped up. (or just a wrong number lol) Then a story of how my best friends mom was helped at her bank by my ex. I came up and his mom played it like I was the happiest guy alive "she had never seen me happier" and I "came over to the house the other night with a really pretty girl"

That made me laugh lol. And then touching up my portraits I've drawn (most of which are my ex lol) kind of just made memories pop up. Isn't so bad now that I'm writing about it lol.

And I have a plan to get the picture of my ex sleeping that I drew in the art thread, blown up on canvas as an art piece in my place. (it IS a good drawing) and it was a good memory.

Meh good thing its free pool tonight. And my friend has money now so I don't have to pay for drinks lol

Ok so I broke NC, over a year and a half after starting it.

The way it happened, was drinking with a buddy. And lately he has been down in the dumps, and I have been at an all time high. He didn't believe I was over my ex, dared me to look at her myspace.

Stupid alcohol, I did, and then to top it off I sent her a message. Not the "I miss you" or "hows it going" I kept it short, and just apologized for the horrible things I did.

Was not expecting a response. But she did, and she continued to ask me questions about my life etc... So I answered, didn't bother me none. I made sure not to ask her anything about hers, I was trying to make it just as easy for her to stop, as it was to keep asking.

One thing led to another, we met up one day at the golf range (I told her I was going and we could meet up there) we had fun, went to a movie, then dinner, then a bar. Had a blast. A friend said that was the first time he has ever seen us out together and having a good time.

Well we continued talking on myspace. And at this point all my friends were worrying, saying I was playing with fire. I agreed. But I figured you old feelings are there, but different, I will just go with the flow. ^_^

Since her and the guy she rebounded off me had a bad falling out a few months past, I told her she should date, get herself right. Encouraged other things, I didn't want to get back with her.

But we kept hanging out. Kept seeing each other 2-3 times a week. We are both so different now(almost 2 years later) I guess we started to fall for each other again.

Last two times we hung out, a lot of hand holding, and holding each other.

But I finally made the decision to stop it. Because I don't really want her to date, but she needs to. I don't want to see that. I told her we should probably stop seeing each other and talking because our relationship is steadily escalating, and as much as I would like that. She has to be OK with herself, and I don't think she really knows yet.

She was sad, but I cheered her up. Humor is an amazing tool. We spent the rest of that day and evening doing what we shouldn't (holding each other, hands etc) and watching a movie. Till I finally left knowing it would prob be the last time.

I am sad, but I figure if it's meant to be it will be.

I feel like we were given a second chance. To not really replace, but change what our last memories are of each other.

Instead of the horribleness from my original post on here, or the things she remembered.

Now our last memories are great. It's bittersweet. Quite painful.

But I am OK with it. ^_^ Now to start NC all over again. But it's not so bad, though I don't recommend my particular situation.

Anyway that was this last month.