Am I losing it or am I in denial over my life? I've been married over 17 years and lately I have been concerned for myself and my family I have been freaking out all over the place paranoid over a relationship my husband has with another woman he calls just a friend it bothers me to no end I have had yelling fits and angry out burst with my teen kids as well as my husband he has been in and out of state dealing with a sister who has cancer and although I can understad why he is always gone and helping out with his sister am I wrong for feeling like the priorities are a little off he has been drinking very heavy ladle and mixing with his meds which it got to the point where I called his doctor to tell him he was not right on these meds he sneaks the alachole in the house since I have no interest in watching him drink and I get angry when he does so so often alachole problems runs in this family and I'm scared I want my husband not a drunk and with the teens at the age have seen a lot lately I feel like I'm losing my mind lately all I do is cry I freaked out the other day my husband was leaving to go back to his sisters house and the day before he left for the 6 month he chose to leave the house to hang out with his cousin instead of me and I sat out side on the ice with a rubber mallet banging the ice for 15 20 minutes talking to myself and crying so hard I just shook my husband had no idea why I was mad I don't think I can feel any less stable the I have been feeling lately I'm on depression meds myself and have been for some time I have tried to get off these meds and it make me freak out over everything so bad I need to get back on them could this be just overwhelming stress or may be this is not depression maybe this is more mental I have shared all this with my husband he acts as I he cares and yet I don't even feel close to him anymore and I'm tired of feeling alone all the time and I feel everyone else is ahead of me when it comes to where I fit in to his life I love him and I can't stand feeling so worthless all the time

You are totally stressed because of his inconsideration for you.
You need someone you can talk to and start caring for yourself more than him.
You are co-dependent on him making you happy if you let it get to you this bad.
Not saying he is doing right by you; but you can not change him. He evidently doesn't seemed concerned about your marriage.
I know you can feel more alone in a marriage than if you were single and isolated yourself from the whole world. Been there done that.
You need to get a life! Get out and join social organizations like a hobby club or a health spa.
Therefore you have to make YOU #1 even if it means leaving him by the wayside.

You have to learn how to be first in your own life, I, these wild mood swings are making you too unstable and irrational.

I would say that you should try a 12 Step Program.. AlAnon... so you can make contact with other people whose families have been rendered toxic by alcohol. This move will immediately make you feel grounded. The people at AlAnon will be your friends; they know your suffering because they have had the same experiences. :)

Best wishes to you in the coming year,

You are on a slippery slope babe! If I were you, and I am not, I would try to find a day treatment or partial hospitalization program for depression disorders. I met a lot of people in mine that were very similar to where you are at. Keep your chin-up and you have to want to be happy. Just get the PROFESSIONAL help you need.