OK, I'm in a relationship and I know my boyfriend watches porn, sometimes we can be having a dirty conversation and he will say porn is calling me, sometimes he will give me the option and say will you talk dirty or should I watch porn. It worries me because I presume he watches it every night before bed, and my friends all tell me its normal and it shouldn't bother me, but I feel like ill never be good enough. Also worried as I presume that's where he gets his ideas from for wild sex or dirty sex or some of the other things he says, and I'm not like that, I'm more than happy to have sex but I'm sure I would be into anal, coming on my face, dressing up and role plays etc. is porn ruining him? Or am I otally overracting like my mates say I am?

Watching porn has been compared to having sex with yourself. It's all about imagining being with someone you're not with. Some guys watch porn with their girlfriends/wives. Some watch it when no one is around to have sex with. Some are so into the voyeurism that they attempt to create porn scenarios (with dirty talk or imaginings) instead of being with their partner mind, body and soul (as much as possible.) It seems that your boyfriend is of the third type. Some women are OK with it, most are not. Is it normal? Men are visually oriented. That doesn't mean that they are always balanced. If his behavior is striking ugly chords in your innermost self and causing you to doubt your own attractiveness, I think you should leave him. Regardless of what your friends say, there are plenty of men who like to spend their time with real live women.

I'm going to go for the devil's advocate here.

Men look at porn. It happens. Comparing yourself to some random female who has been made up, positioned, airbrushed and edited is kind of silly, wouldn't you think?

I honestly feel that the women who don't like porn (or their significant others watching it) are the women with low self-esteem to begin with. If you had confidence in yourself, what would some random chick (whose face I'm SURE he isn't looking at) have that could threaten you?

If he is suggesting stuff you don't like--why not just tell him so? My bet is that you either just play along when he brings it up, or you don't say anything at all. How hard is it to say "I am not comfortable with that idea"?

Porn is great--in moderation. If you don't have a physical relationship (say, for instance, you're at different colleges and can't) why shouldn't he use it for release?

If, however, he leaves a perfectly good dirty conversation with you for it---that's bad! That's not moderation, and that's deserting your partner for someone imaginary!

So.. here's the deal. YOU work on your self-esteem, and tell HIM that you're more important than porn the next time he tells you "it's calling him", and that he should stay with you.

As far as the kinkiness of what he wants--if you're not comfortable with it, you HAVE to tell him. Maybe porn is where he's getting his ideas from, but if YOU don't say "no", how the heck should he know that you don't like it?

There are many activities in life that people participate in that are a quick or slow roads to personal misery. I think many people know what a few of these roads are, drug and alcohol abuse for two. It is the ones that no one talks about that will blind side a person and mess him up. Porn is one of the silent destroyers, destroyers of spontaneous pleasurable sex with a willing partner and eventually, it destroys a man's ability to perform sexually. Porn is produced to be strictly male masturbatory material... the acts depicted are about penis pumping... watching close ups of that while doing the same in person.. mechanical sex. Females are portrayed as vessels to receive sperm, or worse. One message to women is.. *I would rather masturbate than risk anything at all by having unaided sexual intercourse and emotional engagement with you*.

If and when it becomes an addiction, it can be a very bad thing, I compare it to wine, a nice glass with dinner can be great, too much will not be good. Most porn shows women as almost a lower life form that is there just to please a man, and it can of course give the man an idea about what his sex life should be like, and in normal real life, sex is not like a porn movie. If he can not control it, it will be a problem,

Ok, here it is. My husband watches porn and jerks off anyday that we don't have sex. Am I worried he's going to leave me? no. Am I worried I'm not enough? no. Am I worried that porn is replacing me? no. I know that he would RATHER have sex with me than use porn, but when I'm not in the mood he turns to porn. I'm not the perfect woman by far. I am 5'2 and I weigh over 200 lbs. He has no problem with me. I have no problem with porn. It's about being confident in yourself and understanding that men will be men.

Ok well I am going to be a little different here...

I personally absolutely hate Porn, I can't tollerate it... I find it very disusting and downgrading, Nor can I even have sex with a guy who was just watching porn just seconds prior to wanting sex with me...
No it is not stemed to been cheated on nor is it stemed from fears of not been good enough or anything else..
I just personally believe it is wrong, When your in love with someone then that's the only persons body you should see, You shouldn't be watching some other chick or guy on some porno getting off over them.
But that's just how I see it..
I think You need to tell your guy you don't like it, and if your not comfertable meeting up to his expectations then you need to let him know that.. Don't get into a trap of doing something you don't want to because that's exactly what it is, A trap, and traps are hard to get out of.

My husband would never ask for sex right after watching porn. He only watches it when I don't want to. Think of porn this way. At least he's not out there with his in someone else. He's pleasuring HIMSELF. It's different for a guy. Their sex drive is different. If they don't have sex a certain amount of times ( or jerk off) then their gets pent up and they feel like their going to explode. I have no problem with him watching porn... he'd never choose it over me is the deal. When he starts choosing it over you then there is a problem.

Above, another poster has brought up the fact that men get build-up. If they do not release it through masturbation or a wet dream, it keeps building? I am not disagreeing, just wondering, what happens to celibate priests?

I agree with the hypothesis that women get the opposite of buildup. Withoug sex, even bad sex they feel more and more empty. Has anyone a thought on this or have any idea where I heard it?

Hey good point about it been better then him cheating, But I still don't think I could handle it... oh and yes my guy does it, but I turn a blind eye to it, He don't do it when I am around but he does when I am sleeping I know this because ill wake up to get a drink during the night and I will walk past the computer room and he will be there watching it... but I turn a blind eye otherwise it makes me feel really sick to the bone... I have to block it out, and I know probably 90% of guys watch it too.

Haha hey If I go too long without sex or masturbation I feel out of control, I have a sex drive more like a male, I am a chick who does need it every day, If I don't at least masturbate every 2nd day at the max my moods get out of control, I get mad and everything.. It sucks... And a lot of people say oh you man must love you for that, but in fact they turn you down after a while because they want a break and stuff, haha I would love to loose a little of my sex drive, lmao

Hey good point about it been better then him cheating, But I still dont think I could handle it.... oh and yes my guy does it, but I turn a blind eye to it, He dont do it when I am around but he does when I am sleeping I know this coz ill wake up to get a drink during the night and I will walk past the computer room and he will be there watching it...but I turn a blind eye otherwise it makes me feel realy sick to the bone... I have to block it out, and I know probably 90% of guys watch it too.

haha hey If I go too long without sex or masturbation I feel out of control, I have a sex drive more like a male, I am a chick who does need it every day, If I dont atleast masturbate every 2nd day at the max my moods get out of control, I get mad and everything.. It sucks...And alot of people say oh you man must love you for that, but in fact they turn you down after a while coz they want a break and stuff, haha I would love to loose a little of my sex drive, lmao


So--it's okay to masturbate, as long as you're not using porn?

ok, im in a relationship and i know my boyfriend watches porn, sometimes we can be having a dirty conversation and he will say porn is calling me, sometimes he will give me the option and say will you talk dirty or should i watch porn. it worries me coz i presume he watches it every night before bed, and my friends all tell me its normal and it shouldnt bother me, but i feel like ill never be good enough. also worried as i presume thats where he gets his ideas from for wild sex or dirty sex or some of the other things he says, and im not like that, im more than happy to have sex but im sure i would be into anal, coming on my face, dressing up and role plays etc. is porn ruining him? or am i otally overracting like my mates say i am?
Most of the porn movies are made by porn stars who are expert in this field because this is their job, they do special exercises to be able to do what ever they do in these movies. Watching these movies by a normal person will have a very bad affect on him, it might cause him to think that he is disable to do what ever they do in those movies or he might think that his partner is disable to do what ever he want her to do.and at the end it will end with dissatisfaction.

/sigh

Saying that porn makes people feel bad because they can't do what the porn stars do, or don't look like the porn stars look is like saying that BOOKS make people feel bad because they can't use Magic like Harry Potter, or jump into a chalk painting like Mary Poppins, or talk to talking animals, like there are in Narnia.

Give me a break.

Porn is detrimental only to those who either use it to excess, those who have no self-esteem to begin with, or those who can't separate reality from fantasy.

Last post, VERY good answer! You were right with every point. There is nothing unhealthy about porn as long as it is taken in moderation.

I am currently going through a similar thing as the original poster but only mine hides it from me. I am like the previous post, not perfect by any means but when he hides this stuff and doesn't want me expect only on the weekends. Come on. It has nothing to do with myself esteem. I just don't like being lied to or feeling not desired.

The thief will never say stealing is bad, it is not accordance to anyone desire, not mine nor anyone else, yes it is true, there is nothing wrong with watching porn but what makes you watching porn, what is your aim of watching it and what comes after watching it, and what is caused by watching is totally unhealthy, I mean having sex with yourself, Its incredibly bad for your health, there has been many cases where the sperm doesn't come out properly and you end up with intense nerve damage that with severely damage your future sex life and will possibly even make you sterile. There has also been reports of "Spontaneous Death" after ejaculating you become tired, when this happens sometimes you fall asleep but there have been many reports of people not waking up from those sleeps. You can also get aids and cancer from masturbating. And semen has many vital nutrients that your body needs, disposing of this semen is a complete waste and will leave you malnurished.
I know you will say this will happen when you exceed the limit, but do you know that the limit is only 2-3 times a week and the big question is can you control yourself and stay doing this only for 2-3 times a week??
There is nothing like natural.

If he is open and honest... and not hiding it where is the problem? He's tossing out ideas of things he likes. Certainly you have fantasies of stuff you would like...

Two of the things my wife was most hesitant to try when we first married are two of her favorite things now.. oral and anal. Heck watching porn she found a few other things that really turn her on she never thought would. She has gotten off just using a strap-on she gets that excited. I'm sort of indifferent but like her I'm willing to do most things that one of us really enjoys. It has kept our relationship from even getting stale in the last 17 years, and in fact I can say this last year was far better than our first year together, and she would agree.

Keep an open mind, try what you want, don't feel pressured or do things against your wishes.

I've been married 17 years, and in those years me and my spouse have tried almost anything we could do together that wasn't objectionable to either of us. Neither of us like being on either end of anything involving domination, controlling or anything involving urine or scat. But there is a whole lot of stuff you can do within those limits.

The thief will never say stealing is bad, it is not accordance to anyone desire, not mine nor anyone else, yes it is true, there is nothing wrong with watching porn but what makes you watching porn, what is your aim of watching it and what comes after watching it, and what is caused by watching is totally unhealthy, I mean having sex with your self, Its incredibly bad for your health, there has been many cases where the sperm doesnt come out properly and you end up with intense nerve damage that with severely damage your future sex life and will possibly even make you sterile. There has also been reports of "Spontaneous Death" after ejaculating you become tired, when this happens sometimes you fall asleep but there have been many reports of people not waking up from those sleeps. You can also get aids and cancer from masturbating. And semen has many vital nutrients that your body needs, disposing of this semen is a complete waste and will leave you malnurished.
I know you will say this will happen when you exceed the limit, but do you know that the limit is only 2-3 times a week and the big question is can you control your self and stay doing this only for 2-3 times a week ????
There is nothing like natural.
Watch out for hair growing in your mouth and your eyes melting.

Hmm.. I don't know.

I don't think all porn is bad. Granted some porn is gross like women inserting huge objects in ahem, or men having sex with sheep. Yeah that's gross. But a video of two attractive people getting it on (man & woman) can bring an otherwise inhibited or sexually repressed person to experience their sexuality without hang ups. But like they say, too much of a good thing can change people into becoming straight out freaks or perverts or worse.

As long as the movies don't degrade women I'm fine with porn I guess.

I think people can sometimes "de-sensitize" themselves with porn.
I always try to live by the philosophy, To Each Their Own, but if something makes you uncomfortable, you should not participate.
I dated a man once a while back that was into porn, whether it be on the internet, DVD, whatever. It was constant. He couldn't get turned on unless he talked "dirty" to me or had been on porn sites. I had never had an experience like that in my life. Not that this should matter in the least, but I've always been told that I'm a very attractive woman, so I don't believe it was anything physically that had to do with me. But one wonder's sometimes in a strange scenario as such!
After awhile, he just plain down-right flat turned me off and sickened me. I left the relationship and never looked back.
You'll figure out for yourself what you can accept or cannot accept.

Porn is mainly gross, but erotica is completely different, art for arts sake.

I would rather have sex with a real woman then with digital media any day. :D

Porn IS erotica, you know.

It's just not necessarily what YOU find attractive.

I'll say what I've always said: Any woman that wants her man to give up porn completely has to give up love stories and romance novels. They are fantasies of love that are unrealistic, and porn is fantasies of sex that are unrealistic--both for the MOST part.

And yeah--it IS about your self-esteem. If you don't like him hiding stuff and lying to you--then either confront him or leave. Seriously--relationships are about trust and communication. If you don't have both, and an understanding of what the other person wants--then you don't have much of a relationship, really.

Again--moderation is the key here. NEEDING porn is an addiction. NEEDING alcohol is an addiction. WANTING either is a nice release, in moderation.

Porn IS erotica, you know.

It's just not necessarily what YOU find attractive.

I'll say what I've always said: Any woman that wants her man to give up porn completely has to give up love stories and romance novels. They are fantasies of love that are unrealistic, and porn is fantasies of sex that are unrealistic--both for the MOST part.

And yeah--it IS about your self-esteem. If you don't like him hiding stuff and lying to you--then either confront him or leave. Seriously--relationships are about trust and communication. If you don't have both, and an understanding of what the other person wants--then you don't have much of a relationship, really.

Again--moderation is the key here. NEEDING porn is an addiction. NEEDING alcohol is an addiction. WANTING either is a nice release, in moderation.
Again... I find myself in complete agreement here. Can't say it any better.

NEEDING porn is an addiction. NEEDING alcohol is an addiction. WANTING either is a nice release, in moderation.

Good point