I surprised my boyfriend Christmas day by arriving to his home 2 hours early @ 5:30 am. Thing is, instead of me surprising him... he surprised me and wasn't home. I drove to his job but he wasn't there. I went back to his house and 5 minutes later he pulls up (6:30 am).

I asked where he was so early in the morning. He said he got a call at 4 am (Christmas morning) from his police station requesting that he bring in a HR report. I didn't believe that. He works in the administration office of his police unit and why would a HR report be needed that early in the am... and on Christmas?? Even if, I knew that would not take 2 1/2 hours to do so I persisted.

Finally, he admitted that he left at 1:30 am not 4 am, and while on his way to work he called a "church friend" who he's known a long time and who talks to often about problems in his life. This person just happens to be female. He decided that he would go see her after leaving the office because he was "stressed and he needed to talk to somebody about the problems we were having in our relationship". Then after their talk they watched TV and he fell asleep. As soon as he woke up he came home.

He had apologized for the appearance of evil but not for cheating on me, because he says NOTHING happened. He even said that if the roles were reversed he'd be upset too, but again he assures me that NOTHING HAPPENED. The reason he didn't just "come out with it" and tell me the truth is because he says he knew I wouldn't understand and I'd be upset.

Problem is... I don't know who this woman is. We've dated for 2 years and I've never heard of him even speak of this person before. We say we love each. I've gone to his chruch many times and he's never introduced me to anybody male or femlae who would possibly fit his description. When I asked who this friend was he said he didn't have a problem telling me who she is, but he NEVER told me.

We weren't having the smoothest of times, but I didn't think they were so bad that he would have gone out in the middle of the night to "talk to a woman" about our problems. After all, we'd discussed that I would come to see him and his family on Christmas so how bad could our problems had been since I was coming to see him!

Obviously, I doubt there was talking going on at 1:30 -6:30 am... especially about his relationship problems with me.

Oh and by the way, when he got back home his sweatshirt was on backwards.

I'm 37/ he's 44 and I'm tired of going through this dating drama. Is he a total jerk or should I believe that he SWARES NOTHING HAPPENED? My gut tells me he's cheated. What are your thoughts?

Jerk is about what I call it, Yes as I have often warned surpirse visits are often more of a surprise than one things it is going to be.

Obvously he is lying, and is merely changing the story as he is caught.

Not worth the hassle at this point, I wouldmove on and find someone who would want to call me and talk about their problems,

Going to a persons house in the middle of the night if you are in a relationship with someone else, ( even if nothing did happen, like I believe that) but even if it didn't, it was a poor choice and in poor taste, since it would give anyone that saw it the wrong idea.

Hmmmm... I don't know that is a tough one. My gut instinct tells me that there was more then talk going on. Why isn't he talking to you at 1 in the morning about your problems. See if it were my guy I would have a serious problem with him talking to another woman about our problems and not only that not knowing who this woman is makes me uneasy. Its not like he went to a bar and met up with a buddy of his and vented his frustrations out to a guy friend. Did he tell you where he met her? Or how long he knew her? That is very odd that he never mentioned her. It may have been innocent, but I can't get pass the time in which he went and saw her. At first he lied about it and then confessed. No man has any buisnesss meeeting another woman in the middle of the night just to vent and "talk" about his problems in his relationship. I would hate it If my man was complaining to another woman about me behind my back, Id be so pissed. Anyway don't let this one go, I would still try and talk about it with him, try and find out what really happened

100% agree with Fr. Chuck. He nailed it on the head.

Hi,
I am 63, but do remember the "37 yrs old years"!
I remember a question similar to this one about a month ago, or less, about someone going to surprise her boyfriend or finance`, not sure which.
You surprised him, all right!
You sound like a very wonderful person, who deserves much, much more than this. Being apart in a relationship is not the best way to keep one, as I'm sure you already know.
I would start meeting new men, talking with them. Love hurts, and sometimes can be very painful. I know... been there at one time.
I really think he is "taking you for a ride", and is not telling you the truth. I am sure you can meet someone, who will treat you with respect, and be honest with you. Happy New Year!

I don't know whether he cheated or not, but I must say that the two of you obviously have some serious communication problems. He admits that he's "stressed" about your relationship and needed to talk to someone. Well, why the "hello" isn't he talking to you about these problems, whatever they may be? Why does he need to talk to someone else? This is a fundamental issue that has to be addressed if the two of you are going to hope for any kind of a future together. Have you confronted him about this? Right now I think that's more important than whether he cheated on you with this other woman. Of course, if he did, that presents even more of a problem and if in fact he did resort to having sex with someone else then I'd say your relationship is dead. However, unless you can prove that he was sleeping around then you really have to give him the benefit of the doubt and work on your communication issues instead, if you have any hope of saving this relationship at all.