Matteus
Dec 24, 2007, 05:59 PM
If you want to win your ex back, you're going to have to stop being clingy, needy, or dependent on her for all of the good things in your life.
You're also going to have to find that masculine man inside of you and get back in touch with his inner strength and resistance, and also improve his outer physical appearance.
Beyond that, there are a lot of other mistakes that you may be making which are doing you much more harm than good. Follow these helpful pointers and you will be on the right track to winning your ex back.
Pointer # 1: Never date your ex-girlfriend's friends, family, or coworkers.
Even if you genuinely like them, things will not work out well for you if you try to pursue a relationship with them. First of all, that's just a mean thing to do to your ex-girlfriend (making you appear unattractive!), and the last way for you to succeed in your mission is to be mean. Secondly, you don't want your new lover to think that you're the kind of tacky person who does things to make other people jealous.
Pointer # 2: Don't try to contact your ex-girlfriend.
Never, ever call your ex. Never, ever send your ex an email. Never, ever, under any circumstances, should you show up at her door without an invitation. After a breakup, you should try to stay COMPLETELY away from your exgirlfriend for a period of at least four weeks. That means that you cannot call, write, text message, or advertise your love in any other manner. Instead, go out with your friends, have a good time, and remember that there are other people in your life other than your ex. Let her feel your absence.
Pointer # 3: Don't try to contact your ex-girlfriend's social circle. Again, you don't want to appear tacky.
Never try to contact your ex-girlfriend's friends, family, coworkers, or other social acquaintances. If you try to move in on your ex's social circle, you're going to appear (and look) sappy and annoying. And if there's anything more unattractive than acting sappy, it's acting annoying on top of it.
Pointer # 4: Fight the urge. Stop feeling like you need to contact your exgirlfriend.
If something exciting, terrific, or terrible happens in your life, your first instinct may be to contact your ex-girlfriend. This is a hard habit to break, but you'll have to find a way to do just that. Instead of getting bent out of shape that you can't take your news to your ex-girlfriend, talk to your best friend.
Pointer # 5: Don't walk down memory lane, and stop dancing with ghosts.
As painful as it can be, you're going to have to keep your mind off your exgirlfriend. The more time you spend thinking about what the two of you had, the less time you'll be able to concentrate on what you can do to ensure a better future. If you find it impossible to get her out of your mind, try to think about someone else that you could date.
It is natural for us to give someone who has hurt us the upper power. We make them out to be FAR better than reality would have them. Never think of your ex in a better light than what you did while you were still together. Realize her pitfalls and character flaws. Don't make her out to be a goddess.
Pointer # 6: Don't wallow in your misery.
One of the worst things that you can possibly do is to trap yourself in your home and think about how sad you feel. Avoid looking at pictures of your ex-girlfriend, playing devastating love songs, or making yourself feel worse in any other way.
Instead, get back out into the world and have some fun. Whether you go out on a date, out with friends, or out with yourself, you're bound to feel much better.
Pointer # 7: Don't even think about what (or who) your ex-girlfriend is doing.
Now that she is single again, there is a very good possibility that she is dating again. I know that hurts like a knife in your heart, but the good news is that if your ex-girlfriend is dating, chances are that it's nothing more than a rebound relationship. Let your ex get all of the failed relationships out of her system before you try to work things out. Every bad date that your ex goes on will be a reminder of how much better things were with you. Trust me.
Pointer # 8: Don't cry about your ex-girlfriend to a new date.
In fact, don't say her name, mention that she exists, or show that you are hurting in any other way. The last thing that you want to do is make your date feel uncomfortable, and there will be no other way for her to feel if you keep bringing up your past dating disasters. Curb the impulse to talk about your ex-girlfriend by asking your date questions about herself.
Pointer # 9: Never call your ex-girlfriend to talk about your new girlfriend.
Even if things are going great with the new girl you're seeing, your ex-girlfriend really doesn't want to hear about it. While there is a chance that she will get jealous and try to win you back, there is an even larger chance that she will get mad.
She could also see it as an ugly ploy you are using just to get her to come back to you. This will kill any attraction to you in a minute, and make you look desperate, clingy, and even more undesirable. Whether you still want to win your ex-girlfriend back or not, you should always keep your dating life to yourself. If you and your ex stay separated, you'll look like the bigger person if you ever come across each other again.
Pointer # 10: Don't tell the world that your ex-girlfriend was a .
Even if you currently feel that she is the slimiest slime ball to ever roam the planet, you should keep that thought to yourself. It's okay for you to express your feelings to your friends and family, but you should never talk poorly to people who could potentially tell your ex-girlfriend what you said.
Pointer # 11: Don't try to win your ex-girlfriend with presents, cards, or poetry and love-letters.
Never try to lure your ex-girlfriend in with candy, flowers, or any other gifts or tokens of love. If your ex doesn't want to be with you, no amount of presents, or confessions of your undying love, will change that. You don't want to send flowers, teddy bears, or puppies, only to find out that your ex threw them in the garbage. (Hopefully she would be kinder to a puppy, but that's really not the point.)
Pointer # 12: Never, ever threaten your ex-girlfreind in any way.
There is never any reason that you should threaten her with physical or mental harm to either of you. You want your ex to come running back because she loves and misses you, not because she doesn't want to see you commit suicide. Instead, put a smile on your face and try to win your ex back with kindness.
Pointer # 13: Speaking of suicide.
Seriously, once you are dead you are dead. That doesn't get her back. She moves on, sees new movies, enjoys new music. Gets married, has children, goes on picnics, visits the beach, has a life. To her you become a very distant and faint memory, if a memory even at all. In the meantime, you are dead.
Pointer # 14: Be amicable with the split.
Never try to demonstrate your love for your ex-girlfriend. Never, ever beg her to get back together with you. Never pick a fight with her. Never try to show her how much you've changed your ways since you broke up. Never show her how lonely and vulnerable you feel. You can definitely show apathy, but not to the point where you give the impression that you think the whole relationship was a mistake and that you're better off on your own.
Pointer # 15: Your emotions are not your ex-girlfriend's concern.
No matter how much you still care about your previous relationship with her, your ex is not interested. If your emotions were a deciding factor in whether you would have stayed together, you would not be alone right now. The fact that you're very much in love with her is not going to make her fall desperately back in love with you.
Pointer # 16: Remember that logic is intelligent and emotions are unintelligent.
Right now, you need to focus on logic, but your ex needs to focus on emotion. No amount of logic can make her want to be with you, so it is useless for you to argue about it. You're never going to get your ex back by saying that you love her more than anybody else ever will. You're never going to get her back by trying to push off the inevitable breakup until after the holidays or after the kids
Grow up, either.
And now for the MOST IMPORTANT POINT!
Pointer # 17: Don't chase after, beg, or try to trap your ex into coming back to you.
This subject is not up for debate. If you insist on pushing your ex to rekindle your relationship, your ex will naturally feel more separated from you than ever before. This is what reverse psychology is all about. People tend to want the things that they cannot have. Though you're not actually a thing, the same rule applies to your relationship. If you try to push yourself on your ex-girlfriend, you're only going to come off as more unattractive and get pushed further away. Manipulating, haggling, and bargaining don't work. Your ex-girlfriend is a person, not an item, so it is impossible for you to buy back her love. You will never get her back through any amount of gift giving, mental manipulation, or begging.
You get her back by…
*Letting her go
*Staying away for minimum of four weeks
*Working on yourself
You chase her farther away by…
*Clinging to her
*Stalking her
*Remaining unattractive in some way, shape, or form
You're also going to have to find that masculine man inside of you and get back in touch with his inner strength and resistance, and also improve his outer physical appearance.
Beyond that, there are a lot of other mistakes that you may be making which are doing you much more harm than good. Follow these helpful pointers and you will be on the right track to winning your ex back.
Pointer # 1: Never date your ex-girlfriend's friends, family, or coworkers.
Even if you genuinely like them, things will not work out well for you if you try to pursue a relationship with them. First of all, that's just a mean thing to do to your ex-girlfriend (making you appear unattractive!), and the last way for you to succeed in your mission is to be mean. Secondly, you don't want your new lover to think that you're the kind of tacky person who does things to make other people jealous.
Pointer # 2: Don't try to contact your ex-girlfriend.
Never, ever call your ex. Never, ever send your ex an email. Never, ever, under any circumstances, should you show up at her door without an invitation. After a breakup, you should try to stay COMPLETELY away from your exgirlfriend for a period of at least four weeks. That means that you cannot call, write, text message, or advertise your love in any other manner. Instead, go out with your friends, have a good time, and remember that there are other people in your life other than your ex. Let her feel your absence.
Pointer # 3: Don't try to contact your ex-girlfriend's social circle. Again, you don't want to appear tacky.
Never try to contact your ex-girlfriend's friends, family, coworkers, or other social acquaintances. If you try to move in on your ex's social circle, you're going to appear (and look) sappy and annoying. And if there's anything more unattractive than acting sappy, it's acting annoying on top of it.
Pointer # 4: Fight the urge. Stop feeling like you need to contact your exgirlfriend.
If something exciting, terrific, or terrible happens in your life, your first instinct may be to contact your ex-girlfriend. This is a hard habit to break, but you'll have to find a way to do just that. Instead of getting bent out of shape that you can't take your news to your ex-girlfriend, talk to your best friend.
Pointer # 5: Don't walk down memory lane, and stop dancing with ghosts.
As painful as it can be, you're going to have to keep your mind off your exgirlfriend. The more time you spend thinking about what the two of you had, the less time you'll be able to concentrate on what you can do to ensure a better future. If you find it impossible to get her out of your mind, try to think about someone else that you could date.
It is natural for us to give someone who has hurt us the upper power. We make them out to be FAR better than reality would have them. Never think of your ex in a better light than what you did while you were still together. Realize her pitfalls and character flaws. Don't make her out to be a goddess.
Pointer # 6: Don't wallow in your misery.
One of the worst things that you can possibly do is to trap yourself in your home and think about how sad you feel. Avoid looking at pictures of your ex-girlfriend, playing devastating love songs, or making yourself feel worse in any other way.
Instead, get back out into the world and have some fun. Whether you go out on a date, out with friends, or out with yourself, you're bound to feel much better.
Pointer # 7: Don't even think about what (or who) your ex-girlfriend is doing.
Now that she is single again, there is a very good possibility that she is dating again. I know that hurts like a knife in your heart, but the good news is that if your ex-girlfriend is dating, chances are that it's nothing more than a rebound relationship. Let your ex get all of the failed relationships out of her system before you try to work things out. Every bad date that your ex goes on will be a reminder of how much better things were with you. Trust me.
Pointer # 8: Don't cry about your ex-girlfriend to a new date.
In fact, don't say her name, mention that she exists, or show that you are hurting in any other way. The last thing that you want to do is make your date feel uncomfortable, and there will be no other way for her to feel if you keep bringing up your past dating disasters. Curb the impulse to talk about your ex-girlfriend by asking your date questions about herself.
Pointer # 9: Never call your ex-girlfriend to talk about your new girlfriend.
Even if things are going great with the new girl you're seeing, your ex-girlfriend really doesn't want to hear about it. While there is a chance that she will get jealous and try to win you back, there is an even larger chance that she will get mad.
She could also see it as an ugly ploy you are using just to get her to come back to you. This will kill any attraction to you in a minute, and make you look desperate, clingy, and even more undesirable. Whether you still want to win your ex-girlfriend back or not, you should always keep your dating life to yourself. If you and your ex stay separated, you'll look like the bigger person if you ever come across each other again.
Pointer # 10: Don't tell the world that your ex-girlfriend was a .
Even if you currently feel that she is the slimiest slime ball to ever roam the planet, you should keep that thought to yourself. It's okay for you to express your feelings to your friends and family, but you should never talk poorly to people who could potentially tell your ex-girlfriend what you said.
Pointer # 11: Don't try to win your ex-girlfriend with presents, cards, or poetry and love-letters.
Never try to lure your ex-girlfriend in with candy, flowers, or any other gifts or tokens of love. If your ex doesn't want to be with you, no amount of presents, or confessions of your undying love, will change that. You don't want to send flowers, teddy bears, or puppies, only to find out that your ex threw them in the garbage. (Hopefully she would be kinder to a puppy, but that's really not the point.)
Pointer # 12: Never, ever threaten your ex-girlfreind in any way.
There is never any reason that you should threaten her with physical or mental harm to either of you. You want your ex to come running back because she loves and misses you, not because she doesn't want to see you commit suicide. Instead, put a smile on your face and try to win your ex back with kindness.
Pointer # 13: Speaking of suicide.
Seriously, once you are dead you are dead. That doesn't get her back. She moves on, sees new movies, enjoys new music. Gets married, has children, goes on picnics, visits the beach, has a life. To her you become a very distant and faint memory, if a memory even at all. In the meantime, you are dead.
Pointer # 14: Be amicable with the split.
Never try to demonstrate your love for your ex-girlfriend. Never, ever beg her to get back together with you. Never pick a fight with her. Never try to show her how much you've changed your ways since you broke up. Never show her how lonely and vulnerable you feel. You can definitely show apathy, but not to the point where you give the impression that you think the whole relationship was a mistake and that you're better off on your own.
Pointer # 15: Your emotions are not your ex-girlfriend's concern.
No matter how much you still care about your previous relationship with her, your ex is not interested. If your emotions were a deciding factor in whether you would have stayed together, you would not be alone right now. The fact that you're very much in love with her is not going to make her fall desperately back in love with you.
Pointer # 16: Remember that logic is intelligent and emotions are unintelligent.
Right now, you need to focus on logic, but your ex needs to focus on emotion. No amount of logic can make her want to be with you, so it is useless for you to argue about it. You're never going to get your ex back by saying that you love her more than anybody else ever will. You're never going to get her back by trying to push off the inevitable breakup until after the holidays or after the kids
Grow up, either.
And now for the MOST IMPORTANT POINT!
Pointer # 17: Don't chase after, beg, or try to trap your ex into coming back to you.
This subject is not up for debate. If you insist on pushing your ex to rekindle your relationship, your ex will naturally feel more separated from you than ever before. This is what reverse psychology is all about. People tend to want the things that they cannot have. Though you're not actually a thing, the same rule applies to your relationship. If you try to push yourself on your ex-girlfriend, you're only going to come off as more unattractive and get pushed further away. Manipulating, haggling, and bargaining don't work. Your ex-girlfriend is a person, not an item, so it is impossible for you to buy back her love. You will never get her back through any amount of gift giving, mental manipulation, or begging.
You get her back by…
*Letting her go
*Staying away for minimum of four weeks
*Working on yourself
You chase her farther away by…
*Clinging to her
*Stalking her
*Remaining unattractive in some way, shape, or form