Hello,

My name is John and I'm new to this board. I'm looking for some advice and reassurance so I thought this would be the perfect place to ask. Here goes my story:

My girlfriend(20) and I(19) have been together for 2 and a half years. We meet in High school and started our relatioship as just friends. Things got more interesting and we started dating. She was the always-happy-smileing-girlfriend and also a bit flirty with other guys, wich at that time didn't bother me. I never asked her to change for me nor complained about her behaviour but eventually as our bond for each other grew stronger and our relationship progressed, she changed. She stopped flirting, she stopped hanging ourt with guys, basically all she wanted was me in her life. We spend a lot of time together, we would always be on the phone and just talk for hours on end. We were both very happy.

Ok, so this is where things get messy. Couple months before college I started getting worried about how things would be once were done with high school. I started getting paranoid thinking she'd find someone else, that she would leave me or stop loving me. She always kept saying that it won't happened and to stop harassing her with it. At times she even cried, that's when I knew I was going overboard. I felt that since then we started drifitng apart. We started arguing more ofter, always about my insecurity problems and my paranoia. I thought she would break up with me because I would really get to her almost everyday and I saw it in her eyes that she would literraly just break down. She'd cry and just want to leave me. That's when I got a bit too controlling. It bothered me that she went out with friends, or did anything with other people because I was so used to her being only attached to me.I thought she would leave me now.

It was a week before college started. She called me one night crying, I asked her what was wrong and she said she wants to end it. She told me she loves me with all her heart and that she would love me for the rest of her life. The reason for the break was simply because she didn't feel like being in a controlled(?) relationship. She wanted to be able to to go out with friends, be flirty, not have to worry that she will upset me or hurt me and that she was too young for a really committed relationship. Basically, she wanted to have fun in college. This breakup lasted a month. During that period she still called me about 10 times a day, I would try to ignore her calls but I'd pick up sometimes and she would be all happy to hear my voice. It hurt me to know that she wanted to be friends, or still remain close because I still loved her, and it hurt to know icouldnt be with her. I called her up one night and told her that I love her and that she needs to completely get out of my life and stop calling me because I couldn't take it anymore. I hung up. I knew she was crying. She was.

After not calling me for 2 weeks, she came over to my house. She was crying. She begged me to take her back. She said she can't live without me, she missed me, she regrets leaving me, She regrest everything. Reality hit her and she missed me. Everything she has done was because of fear of change. She said she would get drunk every night and feel really depressed because she thought I didn't want her anymore. She also told me that something happened with her and another guy. Nothing serious. She meet him at work. He came to pick her up from work a couple of times, went to see a movie. Furthest they have gone was just kiss. I admired that she told me the truth so I forgave her. She called him in front of me and told him she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore and to stop calling her. Since then they haven't spoken once(its been 2 months now). I've moved in with my girlfriend. We go to the same school and everything is great now. Our love for each other grew even stronger.

What I want to know is: Did I do the right thing? Was it right to forget about what she did with some random guy from work? Is it normal?. she said it was nothing but a dumb rebound guy. Am I being a bit too worried? Should I let it be her past? Should I forget everything that ahs happened during our time apart?

Sorry for this long rant, I really had to get this off my chest. Also, I wrote this kind of fast, sorry for the typos.

Holding things against her would gain you nothing but heartache. But I don't think you should just take her back like nothing happened. However I do think that you two should just be friends for a while and just get to know one another again. This way you can better see if you really want to be with her again.

I do know that want to be with her. She's the girl she was when I first meet her, and I love her. I do not doubt the fact that she wants to be with me and I'd kill to be with her. Im just trying to see if what she has done during our time a part is a normal behavior.

Oh, and one last question: How come when somebody hits on my girlfriend or whistles to her and she gives him the finger and walks away, it still bothers me a bit.

You two were apart, so it doesn't matter. She was on the rebound and/or was testing out her feelings, to find out if the ones for you were real (and they were). And all they did was kiss anyway. (Actually, she shouldn't have told you; it was of no consequence then, but now it is with your knowing about it.)

If she flirts back at whoever whistles, etc. that's different from her getting whistles just walking down the street. If the latter is the case, be proud she is your girl.

It is most certainly normal for a girl to use another guy to try and get over another guy. It's called a rebound. The whole time she was most likely thinking about you. About your second question, I believe you just don't like the idea of another guy looking at your girlfriend that way so it bothers you.

I think you did the right thing by taking her back it is obvious that she loves you and you should appreciate that she told you the truth, but you need to give her space and not be controlling because everybody needs some "me" time. I hope it works out 4u both best of luck xx