Multiple threads merged

I'll soon be 21.I've only had three boyfriends in my entire life.my first relationship lasted only one month-he left me for his ex girlfriend;the second one-two months or so,he left me because I wouldn't have sex with him(I was a virgin,you see,and was I scared because I wanted it to be special... you know,just like every girl dreams.he knew that but still he wasn't patient... plus we didn't get along that well anyhow,so it doesn't matter now.)
Then I went to college.and there there was this guy(he's 22) who came up to me and said he liked me and wanted to go out with me.
He said he had the impression that we are the same.
He was really sweet and pure and I was flattered,but a bit confused too,because I really wasn't expecting it.I hadn't even noticed him until that day at class.
But I had a crush on someone else and I didn't find anything special about him at the moment,so I tried to keep it polite and nice and simple ''i'm just not interested in that right now.we can talk and be friends but give me some space''.
Poor guy,he asked some colleague for my phone number... and whenever he rang I wouldn't answer.I just wasn't interested.and you know how it is,when you want nothing to do with someone and they keep trying to reach you... ooh!those were the days :( after one year,the wheels have turned.
So anyway,I kept ignoring him or kept minimal contact for almost three months.in the meantime,I got over my crush... he now had a girlfriend so I had to move on.(it hurt a bit.)
One morning,after I came home from a party,he came up to me on the internet chat.I was a bit drunk-therefore sociable,talkative-so we chatted for some time and I actually had fun.
So I decided to be more open and continued talking to him for the next few days.and he was actually quite interesting.I finally told him to go out
We dated for a month,just getting to know each other.I still had my doubts about him.
Finally we kissed and that was the beginning of a beautiful period in my life.we had fun.his friends liked me,my friends liked him.everything was just natural.
He was patient.and he was great.I really trusted him... I fell in love with him!! my first love!
His only problem was that he smokes pot.everyday.I thought that it wouldn't be a problem since he did function very well on all aspects of his life-he didn't ignore his responsibilities.
After 6 months he broke up with me.he said he realized that it just wasn't the right time for him to have a girlfriend and needed space.but he cares for me cause I am sooo great :rolleyes: I had the worst summer ever.I cried 24/7
Then he said he wanted to get back together,that he's OK now and misses me
I hesitated,but I decided to give him a shot.I felt like I couldn't live without him anyway.
After a month he started ignoring me.I was so angry!he wouldn't listen to me whenever I felt we needed to sort things out so I dumped him.it was hard...
And when I finally was back on track,he came back saying he loved me and promised to change and stop smoking blabla what didn't he promise? after looong talks on different occasions I gave in.our last month together was really great,I felt even more connected to him than ever.but he didn't respect his promises.he never quit
Two weeks ago he broke up with me.AGAIN.OVER THE PHONE.for the same reasons-he's not ready.
So there's no space for me in his life right now.but I want him back.for the 723101447321th time.I know I'm pathetic,everyone says I should let go,he doesn't deserve me or give a rat's about me.but I don't want to hear that.they don't know how I feel about him.I can't even look at my body because I remember his.GOD
In two days there's a party which I know he's attending.I don't know if I should go.I haven't spoken to him since we broke up... haven't seen him.and I miss him so much,I can't stop crying or thinking about... all this.I NEED him back.my parents and friends are sick of hearing about it.
It's your turn to support me.somehow.please please do

I think you should move on... after all, how many times did he dump you?! You deserve better than someone who keeps putting you aside every time he needs some "space".

There is plenty of fish in the sea, and I'm sure you can find one who isn't a drug addict.

I'm not really sure I can give you the "support" you seem to be seeking. I agree with your family and friends. He's too wishy-washy to have a successful relationship with. I'd forget him and move on.

Sorry, this make up, to break up is so... not healthy. You must recognise the obvious, that whatever the attraction, its not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. As emotional as you are now, you'll never see the bad part until you get together yet again, and so on and so on.Take a nice long break, and get over him. Look at your life with fresh eyes.

What's wrong with you? Obviously low self-esteem.

Ignore the guy and concentrate on making yourself a better person.

What's wrong with me is that I never felt anything for anybody,this was my first serious relationship,my first love.and it's very hard for me to let go
But anyway I appreciate the feedback and I hope I'll get more.maybe eventually it will get through my thick skull and broken heart

Well.. the bad news and the good news is that you aren't that special.

Which is my wicked way of saying, honey, you are one of us... we mortals who get burned by a big, big love. Your specific experience is unique... your moments with him are your own... but some of us need to get kicked in the teeth a few times before we buy a clue.

Yes, its hard to let go. Its supposed to be hard. If it meant nothing, well... itd mean nothing.

Your first big love lost is an S.O.B. it's a mean devil that keeps at you day and night... you feel alone... worried you aren't ever going to find a love like that again... worried that you might never find love again, period.

Well... lucky for us unlucky mortals, we don't know the truth. The truth is that there are other loves and there is another day.

I have loved, as in really, really loved, three women... and a fourth is close enough to throw into the mix. I lost three of them. Married the fourth.

The more good news without so much bad is that it gets easier... the healing just isn't as fast as wed like. I didn't date seriously for almost two years after my first big love lost. And even when I did start dating and moving on, she was still in my frickin head.

Well... time really, REALLY can heal. It just sucks knowing you've got to do the time, not knowing what the sentence is going to be.

So cheer up darlin... look at this as your first step toward happiness that lasts. You'll have other loves, and you'll likely lose some. And each relationship will get you closer to really understanding what you need.

Some relationships are meant for a time... I honestly believe you can be in a perfect relationship that wasn't "meant" to last... bad timing and all... had one of those myself.

But I'm a better person for having picked myself up.

Would it have been nice to not go through a bunch of pain and heartache? Sure. Maybe I would have if id been smarter... or the girls had been nicer... or whatever.

I'm in a great relationship with a wonderful woman. Married and together almost 10 years now. I thank God that my first love of my life wasn't The love of my life.

It was a unique love. Nothing ever "matched" it... that doesn't mean nothing was ever better. Each relationship is unique and has its own "bests"...

So... sorry honey, you are mortal... like the rest of us.

It'll be OK. I promise... and I don't promise things unless I believe it.

agrees: i know i'm mortal :)i never said i believed i was above the rest of the world or anything like that,if that's what you're emplying...i'm just above all the other girls that he's going to see :)).Anyway,thank you very much for giving a damn.hugs

I do give a damn and if my "mortal" comment sounded condescending, it wasn't meant to be. I like to think I'm cute when I write my noise, and I really, really meant to try to say... you aren't alone. You don't have to bear it alone, cause there are a bunch of us who have been through the muck and the noise.

Sounded like you took it right, but I didn't want you to think I was at all trying to be condescending... mortal, to me, means you are beautifully human. Even when that sucks rocks.

THAT was cute.I was so sad right now.this cheered me up.another day,another hero :)

glad to know the carbon footprint I leave behind makes someone happier.

look... here's the deal. When I was 21 I had good intentions... I was one of the Good boys! I wasn't a playah... hell, did that term even exist then??

well, I meant well.

and still... I found myself with my head stuck up me arse more that not.

its really not particularly comfortable.

really.

so look... it sucks to be you right now. I mean it SUCKS.

but boys are stoopid until we are at least, like, 27 and change, and even then... its really a short jump from monkeys who throw poo to guys with a job and a clue.

I meant well... and mostly I was a Victim of Mean Girls Who Cheat and Hurt Nice Boys for Fun... but even then, some of it was just going through the motions to learn what is important and what is just water under the bridge.

my point... hmmm... need a glass of wine and a moment.

ah yes! My point is that, well, mostly to keep you company, but also to remind you that you don't need to get it "right" all the time. Just to let it be. If it sucks, OK. It isn't the worst that could happen.

take your knocks and try again. It IS worth it. I promise. And not just cause I'm drinking. =)

I man I loved dearly one told me "we are too short lived and too long gone to live our lives mad or frustrated". He was dead two weeks later.

now... before I send you off to bed with that bad pic in your head cuddling mr fuzzy bear... understand what that really means.

in time, our hurt shapes us but fades. Our joys mold us into who we want to be. Our desires become more clear. And, if we can just get out of our own ways, we are better for the struggle.

sucks to be you right now. I've have Been There. I wish I could make you know how much I have been standing where you are. *creepy internet hug*

took some time to find real peace. Its worth it.

the bull$hit and the noise and the hurt and the pain... its all worth it. We just never have the patience to wait it out.

it'll come.

so breathe in and out and relax. Few "mistakes" are without fixes. Take your time.

and please... enjoy yourself.

don't let anyone take that away from you.

I need more pinot grigio before I offer any more advice. (google it if you don't know) in the meantime, just one foot in front of the other, honey.

I can smell booze when I read it :) I'm such a fine young lady
Oh god oh god it sucks.and I know I'll survive and I hope I'll eventually meet somebody better who will make me feel like the princess I am,etc but just like you said,until I'll get over this and come to my senses I must be patient and it's damn hard.I never ever thought love hurts THIS much.too bad I never played hard to get,I AM hard to get.so I'm inexperienced and this whole thing came like a blow to my head
I went to the party on Saturday.he smiled at me and I sticked(stuck?poor grammar) out my tongue.had a really short conversation.said he's in a routine,but doing fine.
He left with a girl.I've heard she's easy.
His friends asked me over and I joined them.we hanged around the house until 9 a.m
It's really weird that his friends are so nice and warm and open to me,and he's a-smiling!- block of ice.
So that morning convinced me that I am pleasant for his entourage and accepted even though I am his ex,theoretically have nothing to do with them anymore.so it really wasn't my fault.I'm nice,he's an idiot
I don't know,in a way I hope his friends would say something to him,something (good) about me that would make him FEEL something.
It's really frustrating that I am at his feet I he really doesn't want anything to do with me

If you love him do nothing at al. Ignore him pretend you have moved on. When you do that he will come back, don't let him in. Hell come back again, Don't let him in. Then he will realize how much he needs you and can't be with out you. If you want what you want be tough! Be strong1 It will work out. Go t that party, dress and look good and talk and talk to everyone, except him! When you see him, roll your eyes, a turn your head and let tat be the end of it. If he tries to make an out himself say something cute and coy like- Why don't you go home before you embaress yourself- Oh wait you already did. Talk to your friends. Flirt with a guy even if you don't like him. Your just using him. Make it a loser guy who won't turn you down. Just so you know you can talk to someone. He will become jealous. Where your hair his favorite way and look beautiful, NOT SEXY. Sexy will make him think you're a slut. Guys can be ruthless when they are jealouse!

Also, don't play childish games. Don't stic out your tongue. Be mature sophisticated. Its intrigung. Drives him crazy. Hard to get, but also non chalant. Let it all roll of your shoulder. Don't care. At least appear not to.

Talk to your friends. Flirt with a guy even if you dont like him. Your just using him. Make it a loser guy who wont turn you down.

... I take offense to that... mainly because I may be that guy she flirts with. Why use guys? Don't do that. That's not nice...

You have had 3 boyfriends?

I ve had none of those lol!

Ill tell you what though I ll be 22 in a few months and Ive had only one serious relationship. What you worried about! Its far better to be happy, single, career minded and independent than longing for someone.

...i take offense to that...mainly because i may be that guy she flirts with. why use guys? don't do that. that's not nice...

And you are absolutely right, and that came out in way that it wasn't supposed to. Using a person is a terrible thing. And yes as I read it now I realize what it sounds like. What I should have said was talk to a guy. Not flirt, don't give anybody false hopes ever. It is a painful thing to go through. And I actually do appreciate you bringng that to my attention. But talk to a guy and don't under any circumstances let him think that you are interested in him as anything more then a friend.

i'll soon be 21.i've only had three boyfriends in my entire life.my first relationship lasted only one month-he left me for his ex girlfriend;the second one-two months or so,he left me because i wouldn't have sex with him(i was a virgin,you see,and was i scared because i wanted it to be special...you know,just like every girl dreams.he knew that but still he wasn't patient...plus we didnt get along that well anyhow,so it doesn't matter now.)
Then i went to college.and there there was this guy(he's 22) who came up to me and said he liked me and wanted to go out with me.
he said he had the impression that we are the same.
he was really sweet and pure and i was flattered,but a bit confused too,because i really wasn't expecting it.i hadn't even noticed him until that day at class.
but i had a crush on someone else and i didn't find anything special about him at the moment,so i tried to keep it polite and nice and simple ''i'm just not interested in that right now.we can talk and be friends but give me some space''.
poor guy,he asked some colleague for my phone number...and whenever he rang i wouldn't answer.i just wasn't interested.and you know how it is,when you want nothing to do with someone and they keep trying to reach you...ooh!those were the days :( after one year,the wheels have turned.
So anyway,i kept ignoring him or kept minimal contact for almost three months.in the meantime,i got over my crush...he now had a girlfriend so i had to move on.(it hurt a bit.)
one morning,after i came home from a party,he came up to me on the internet chat.i was a bit drunk-therefore sociable,talkative-so we chatted for some time and i actually had fun.
so i decided to be more open and continued talking to him for the next few days.and he was actually quite interesting.i finally told him to go out
we dated for a month,just getting to know each other.i still had my doubts about him.
Finally we kissed and that was the beginning of a beautiful period in my life.we had fun.his friends liked me,my friends liked him.everything was just natural.
He was patient.and he was great.i really trusted him... i fell in love with him!!!my first love!
His only problem was that he smokes pot.everyday.i thought that it wouldn't be a problem since he did function very well on all aspects of his life-he didn't ignore his responsibilities.
After 6 months he broke up with me.he said he realized that it just wasn't the right time for him to have a girlfriend and needed space.but he cares for me cause i am sooo great :rolleyes: i had the worst summer ever.i cried 24/7
Then he said he wanted to get back together,that he's ok now and misses me
i hesitated,but i decided to give him a shot.i felt like i couldn't live without him anyway.
After a month he started ignoring me.i was so angry!he wouldn't listen to me whenever i felt we needed to sort things out so i dumped him.it was hard...
And when i finally was back on track,he came back saying he loved me and promised to change and stop smoking blabla what didnt he promise?!after looong talks on different occasions i gave in.our last month together was really great,i felt even more connected to him than ever.but he didnt respect his promises.he never quit
two weeks ago he broke up with me.AGAIN.OVER THE PHONE.for the same reasons-he's not ready.
so there's no space for me in his life right now.but i want him back.for the 723101447321th time.i know i'm pathetic,everyone says i should let go,he doesn't deserve me or give a rat's about me.but i don't wanna hear that.they don't know how i feel about him.i can't even look at my body because i remember his.GOD
in two days there's a party which i know he's attending.i don't know if i should go.i haven't spoken to him since we broke up...haven't seen him.and i miss him so much,i can't stop crying or thinking about...all this.i NEED him back.my parents and friends are sick of hearing about it.
it's your turn to support me.somehow.please please do
Just forget him your in your 20's your sill young and you can get another man!

Don't worry you will get over him sone and get a new man.

I'll soon be 21.I've only had three boyfriends in my entire life

I don't get it why so many young people would be so worrying about it.

You are still young, when I was 21... doing my senior thesis? Anyway... you will find a lot more important things to do at 21. You need to focus on school, then get a good career! Listen to what your parents tell you!

Love comes when you are not seeking! Learn from your previous mistakes and after 3 years you look back, you will realize you have chosen the right path, not let anything (unimportant) bring you down.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, one boy doesn't worth of your tears and don't hang yourself on ONE tree!

(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/in%2Ba%2Bstate.html)in a state (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/in%2Ba%2Bstate.html) agrees: i wanted to point out that i am inexperienced,unlucky,and nowadays,very vulnerable and needy.i miss the old self sufficient me
(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/in%2Ba%2Bstate.html)
Give yourself time to heal, and get your old self back, with a few improvements, as you will be healthy, happy, and experienced.

Not sure if well
Some weeks ago I posted about my somewhat serious relationship with the first guy that ever meant something to me and being dumped out of the blue,without getting significant reasons.or at least,not from my point of view.I have been through all the stages.
Hysteria:crying crying crying,scratching myself with my nails,kissing myself afterwards.So yeah,what a freak.
Oh but please don't judge,I've done enough of that.Although I am putting myself in a very vulnerable position sharing this,I'm just getting it OFF my chest and I'm trying to paint a clear picture of what a mess I was for some time that seemed like FOREVER.
Obsession:wondering if he's ever again going to come back to me,waiting for his calls,e-mails,calls,CALLS,been logged in on the chat even if there was nobody to talk to,but just to see if he's online and going to contact me,how long he has been idle,when he is out etc;going to parties that I knew he would attend just to hear him say 'hi' to me and interpret the way he is looking at me.So yeah,what a freak.Seemed like FOREVER
Numbness,emptiness,rage,frustration.frustration.fr ustration.idleness
Well,could come up with a bunch of other feelings or reactions such as these.Point is You all know where I'm coming from.
Now I am somewhat at peace with the fact that it is truly over.'Somewhat' because I get very jealous when I see a certain bimbo following him around.but whatever.it's going to be OK.I'm improving.

Thing is.on Christmas I met this man through a friend.This man is 37.Good looking(I thought he was still in his 20s) and successful,seeking for a relationship.
Last night I went out.I met him again,by accident.we chatted a bit.He seemed to be very nice and friendly-like.Then flirted a bit.Asked about new year's party,I said I am going to spend it with my closest friends.He suggested we might get together after my party is over,and come to his.''Yeah,could be fun''.He asked for my phone number and I gave it to him.

After I talked to him,mingled some more and some other guy I have never ever met(but noticed around social gatherings) comes up to me and says my name,then tells me we go to the same school.he's doing his master's degree.I was a bit... off guard?I had no idea who he was,yet he knew things about me.We introduced ourselves.He started flirting,telling me after we shook hands what lovely warm hands I've got,such delicate fingers..? Stuff like that.I told him to read my palm,what the hell :p
But it was a bit flattering.He asked for my phone number. I wouldn't give it to him and said that he had to work for it and investigate some more.I forgot how fun it was to play games :) we said goodbye and he said he'd call me to see a film together... over at his place...

There was a guy I really like(25),but he is friends with my ex.He always is very warm when says ''hello'',smiles and looks at me in a certain way,like we are more than just acquaintances(I mean he does seem genuinely pleased to see me),dances and smiles around me,toasts when we are both having drinks,once offered me one... Yeah,I meet him only at parties,I've never actually got to talk to him about anything.I just smile back.
Met him last night too,he pinched my waist,smiled,and left.So you see,he does things that show intimacy.I mean,you don't pinch any girl's waist... not your friend's ex... you follow?
I know it' wrong to like him because he is a friend of my ex,but he's the only offer I couldn't refuse.There is something about him,I find him adorable and would looove to know him better.
I can't tell if he's just being friendly and that's his nature,being warm(or at least just in my head) or if there might be more about it... like... he's interested in me but won't make a move because it might be awkward.
What do you think?What should i do?make a move?trying to talk to him once is after all pretty innocent....or forget about it,it's all in my head and then i would be considered a $lut if i showed interest in my ex's friend ?!74327$#$) really confused

37 called today to ask me to come over for a movie and wine... I said I was tired and postponed it.I like the fact that he is older-very experienced and mature than any other dumba$$ my age,but it scares me at the same time,makes me feel insecure that I'm not yet a WOMAN and won't live up to his expectations.I don't want to be regarded as a kid.
Detective hasn't called yet.But if he does,I don't know what I'll say.don't know if I like him because I didn't feel him being genuine and honest with that flirt.. I don't know,not-so-positive karma or something like that.I don't actually know what I feel

I an tell you I do feel very scared because I am not sure if I am ready to see new people and that if I reject them I might miss some kind of interesting experiences... and I am afraid of being rejected or worse by the only guy I am not afraid of getting to know.
I want to be alone but still don't want to be alone.
I am very confused and nervous.
Thank you for your time

You are smart!
You are beautiful!
You are loved!

My dauters are 6 and 3 but I will tell you what I would tell them.
You are young, smart, beautiful, and loved. It sounds like you need some time to find yourself. Don't even look at guys. Your hert and it takes time to deal with true fealing. How old are you.
Take some time for yourself. If mister perfect comes along while you are healing, hit him with your purse and run like hell. Take it from my persenal exp..
I thought if I had to indure 1 more lonely lovles night with out any one to talk to or lafe with or hold I would die. Well I didn't. Althou I made the choce of slepping with a woman that every one told me was garbeg. She reked my life and had a baby on top of it that she uses like an atm card. And I met her a church. Ha Ha God verry funny! Still a litel hurt. Don't let it happen to you. I know that a hug from a friend want replace the arms of a woman, sorry(man) but what. If I would have wated 6 more monse my now wife would have been mine with out the complikation. She was standing behind me in church and I had sead hy to her meny time but did not sea her over my own sorrow. A man that will love you the way you should be loved is out there. Just heal for a while and when the time is right he will be there. I promise!

I am going to be 21 in two weeks. I know myself pretty well at the end of this year when I discovered what I was capable of feeling for somebody and meeting a lot of new people and rediscovering old friends,including my parents.of course there are always new things to discover but I want to say that my personality does have a... shape :)
I feel partially healed.not like I do or think the things I did a month ago,but I believe I still need some time.just a little more time.
I DO get butterflies in my stomach when I think about my ex's friend,while when I think of the two guys that have shown me that they are interested in me,I don't know what I feel.
God works in mysterious ways,I guess that's the saying.
Thank you very much my friend.Take care of yourself and your family

It always is a good idea to go slow, and be patient with yourself, and your feelings, as we can change as we learn more about ourselves. Learning and changing is a life long process. The greatest thing I have learned, is to forgive myself when I make a mistake, but keep the lessons learned close. Amazing how mistakes are better to learn from than our triumphs.

Your hole life is before you. This is your chance to go for your dreams. Build now the srories you will tell your children when you are older. You never forget the ones you once loved.
As for the butter flies, I have never know them to be a good thing. I have had butterflies with most of my exes but not with my wife. I love her grately but no bug.
If the guys are friends they more than lickely are very similar, maybe in a breakup as well. It is completely exceptible to walk on a moon lit beach by yourself (make sure to have a dog or gun now of days) and injoy the time. Be happy my friend.

You don't need to choose or make decisions about anything. You are single and flirting around... GOOD! Just take it slow, and only make decisions that you feel very good about making.

The 37 year old is a creep. What is he doing going after 20 year olds? He's looking for a trophy wife. You guys don't have enough in common. You've only been on your own for what... 2-3 years? He's been on his own and has 17 years MORE experience than you. He knows things you don't know and he won't tell you. He will try to trap you. I really really REALLY would avoid him. He knows how to sweet talk and charm his way into things by now. I wouldn't trust him for a second.

The other 2 guys are OK to date! The one who knows a lot about you probably has had a fascination about you for quite some time, but hasn't had the balls to say anything up until recently. That's probably why he hasn't called yet. He's nervous and afraid of rejection.

The other guy feels better to date and go out with, BECAUSE you both know each other really well. But I wouldn't recommend dating him because subconciously I think you are thinking that this could be a good way to get back at your ex a little, while also still being in his life a little.

A girl who dated my best friend, broke up after 2 years. The next week, she jumped on me when she met me, and became TOO friendly, wanted to get involved with me. I turned her down because I knew it was a mistake... despite how HOT she was, and all the other qualities she had. It would have been a bad situation.

That's my advice. Take it with a grain of salt, and good luck!

This is an accurate answer.thank you very much
The only thing you're wrong about is that I might,even on a subconcious level,try to get back at my ex.I actually am afraid of his friend or other people(including my ex for that matter) might think that.I don't want 'revenge',and even if I did,in my opinion this would be a cheap if not even sluttish way to take it.it's just not me,I wouldn't do that for this purpose
And I don't want to be in his(my ex's) life,it's disturbing me.
So really,I don't have an atraction for this guy for these reasons.I really really like him,because he makes me feel comfortable,but only judging from his body language.told you,I haven't talked to him about anything.
Well,I hope 2008 will be lighter,for all of us


Oh and I forgot to mention.while I was with my ex,I was browsing the websites such as myspace and saw this profile of a really cute guy.after some weeks I discovered that he was friends with my ex.so you see,it wasn't calculated :)i noticed him before all this

I'm not sure at what point you did the self injury, but I would definitely hold off on dating at this time. I suggest working on your self-esteem, learn how to love yourself, enjoy loving the single you. Also, we have to let ourselves feel our emotions, yes even the crappy ones, and not hide from them behind some random, crappy guy. I hope everything works out for you.

Be patiant bowt it but make yourself notasable and when e does act normall and if e still lyk you go 4 it if not e not da 1 f u you can du betta lv. And da self armin that not good av dun it ma self and regreted it evriitym it not worf your life chik trust me. Woteva you chuze evrii1 should respekt it it your life and you going to liv it ow you want yre? that what I learnt t do. Good luk babiii gurlll love yoO xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:)
It wasn't self harming for him,it was for me.it wasn't actually harming,it was just freaking out and having a hysteria crisis.I was releasing my devils,but not to a boiling point.did not and will not mutilate myself or be suicidal for just being dumped,even if I were dumped by an icon of 'the perfect man'... my body is a temple.
I asked you not to judge that because I had it under control and because that wasn't the problem I needed advice for.so don't worry about that
I mentioned it because I was Crushed the night I wrote this post,I was very confused and overwhelmed by what has happened in my personal life throughout the last months.it was just another way of releasing my devils and for you to see that I had them just a month ago.To show you that I've been through a lot emotionally and to have the facts written down for my own therapy.to see I if I am able to answer my own questions,if I am ready or not to have faith in other guys.I want to go back there again.but I still don't know if I ready for that yet
That's exactly what I am,a baby girl.thanks everybody for taking care of me

:)
it wasn't self harming for him,it was for me.it wasn't actually harming,it was just freaking out and having a hysteria crisis.i was releasing my devils,but not to a boiling point.did not and will not mutilate myself or be suicidal for just being dumped,even if i were dumped by an icon of 'the perfect man'...my body is a temple.
i asked you not to judge that because i had it under control and because that wasn't the problem i needed advice for.so don't worry about that
i mentioned it because i was Crushed the night i wrote this post,i was very confused and overwhelmed by what has happened in my personal life throughout the last months.it was just another way of releasing my devils and for you to see that i had them just a month ago.To show you that i've been through a lot emotionally and to have the facts written down for my own therapy.to see i if i am able to answer my own questions,if i am ready or not to have faith in other guys.i want to go back there again.but i still don't know if i ready for that yet
that's exactly what i am,a baby girl.thanks everybody for taking care of me

I wasn't judging you, unfortunately I thought you could see that. Like you said, you've been through a lot emotionally. Hopefully you will be able to put the men aside for a while, and just enjoy being single. Anyway, good luck with everything. I wish you the best.

I wasn't judging you, unfortunately I thought you could see that.


No no,I wasn't being defensive!I was trying to explain ''judging that'' means ''don't worry about that''.didn't mean to sound bitter.I really do appreciate your words of advice.and you're right about it.I know you mean well. ><

I'm not talking to my ex,but whenever I see him he does things to get my attention(always making sure I know he's in the room-like talking loud)and he keeps looking at me.why is he doing that but never starts a conversation?

Frankly I don't care anymore.I've erased the original post,unfortunately can't delete it.so that was the issue,hope the answers you read here will help you if you are in the same situation.

Your relationship doesn't sound fun, beneficial, loving, rewarding, enjoyable, fulfilling, affectionate, caring, erotic, tender, devoted, amiable, generous, passionate, or friendly. Why would you pursue it?

He is your X

its not easy. But you got to stop caring about him
if he tryes to get your attention don't give it to him
you don't need to say hello you don't need to talk

he sounds like he is trying to make you jelause or upset to get you back or to just to get back you

don't play his games

Regards

Ok, I read your previous post because I wasn't sure why you two broke up in the first place... this your talking about is the same one who smokes right?

Anyway, I just think you're wasting your time and I know people who cares about you like your friends say the same thing.

Its tough to move on after a breakup esp when you're the one who got dumped.

Let the assumptions go, before you drive yourself crazy.

Yeah Ive read all your previous questions as well, and have responded to at least one of them before.

He's playing games. He has an attitude problem. If you play along, you will get burned.

You need to stay single for a while. It sounds like to me that you are young, smart, attractive, and now single. GOOD! KEEP IT THAT WAY! This college semester will be over in 3 months and 1-2 weeks. You need time off. <-- That is based on your other questions. You've hardly had any time to yourself, and your constantly asking about other guys. What about YOU! Do you love yourself? Prove it! Do things for yourself that you would do for people you love in real life. Answers are easier in life when you really love yourself.

I agree with EuRa... and Shakespeare...

"This above all: to thine own self be true,"
Hamlet

Take time for you. Get to know yourself. Develop a relationship with yourself so that you can discover a true, lasting, wonderful, mutually-beneficial relationship with someone else.

Thank you,again,for caring enough to answer,for caring enough to have read my other posts
But this is not about the relationship between'' me myself and I''.believe me.I can discover things about myself everyday,whether I'm single.I am aware and in touch with my own universe
If I'm asking about this it's because I'm confused and weak when it comes to him,and need a slap from time to time to wake up,look ahead.I now realize that's all that matters.I needed a push.just push me
If I'm asking about other guys it's because I feel I need answers.because I feel I can move on and 'taste the rest' but don't now how to do it... because I have so little experience with these kinds of things.
I don't need to prove to myself that I love myself
I need other people to prove that they love me.that's why I came here
Thanks again,I guess I'll be fine

Honey, we on this forum can't tell you how to "taste the rest," we can only help you with what we see needs help. The most awesome thing about this forum is the fact that complete strangers are able to read between the lines of our questions, recognize problems, and help us identify ways that we can change.

I still think that you need to focus on yourself for a while. I'm very glad that you are "in touch with your own universe." That's an awesome thing (Sadly, many people don't know much about themselves, let alone their own universe... grand scale thinking... that's good! :) )

You need others to prove they love you. Why?

Life isn't about living as a sole resident of a deserted island, its about relationships and interactions with other people. So, I can understand why you feel that you need a definite connection with other people, but why do they have to "prove their love?"

A new guy isn't the answer to your problems, even if he professed his undying love and affection for you. I think your answer is within yourself. Check out my signature... live in the moment... revel in them - whether you're alone or in a relationship - they deserve to be lived.

Sorry if that was too psychologically charged... I'm just trying to understand... and help if I can! :)

but this is not about the relationship between'' me myself and i''.believe me.i can discover things about myself everyday,whether or not i'm single.i am aware and in touch with my own universe
Oh really? But then you say:


i'm confused and weak when it comes to him

i need other people to prove that they love me
Both of these things, plus the fact that you bounce from one relationship to the next are all HUUUUGGGEEE indications that you do not love yourself enough. Are you able to stand in front of a mirror, look deep DEEP into your eyes, and shower yourself with praise! Among those, can you say "I love you" to yourself, while looking deep into your own eyes, and actually mean it? And by "mean it", I mean get a warm feeling when you say it.

If you do it, and look into the mirror and nod your head yes after you do it, then you don't really mean it. If you laugh, smirk, or think "this is stupid", then you don't really love yourself. But if you can do what I said, then you do love yourself.

However, you've already given 3 indications that you do not fully love yourself yet. LIKE? Sure. Love? I don't think so. Especially if you need validation from others ("i need other people to prove they love me") If you really did absolutely 100% love yourself, you would not need validation from anyone in the universe. Not even your own mother. This in itself is a big indicator that you do not love yourself enough.

It's not a bad thing, because I bet 90% of everyone on the planet don't love themselves enough either. But I can read the attitude in your words, especially when you have several people who want to help you by giving you advice, and you simply try to shake it off. If you loved yourself, you'd be surprised at all the things you'd learn in life, the confidence you'd gain, the people you'd meet, the life partner you'd seek, your relationship with family and friends, and you'd have no reason to ask the questions you've already asked, do the things you've already done, and say the things you've already said. Perhaps you do love yourself, but it's not enough. You need to focus on yourself more.

Everyone here agrees. We have no reason to lie to you. I'm sorry if this sounds like a lecture, I'm just trying to show you what we all see that you don't. It's easier to see it from the outside than it is on the inside.

Or, as someone said, You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Just forget I asked anything.
''when you have several people who want to help you by giving you advice, and you simply try to shake it off''.
Because it's not heping,not because I don't appreciate it.it just isn't what my question is about
I didn't ask 'you guys think I love myself',I asked why that sob is acting that way.
And there was no attitude!!
Now you're making me feel bad I came to you.

anyway,why do you think he does this?do you think it's possible he might miss me?

Ok, sure.


couldn't be that,he never starts a conversation with me.

Ok, then, No.


why does he want my attention? is it just for his ego?

Maybe.


it's stupidly confusing

You're telling me!

(Darlin, you want specific answers, we'll give you specific answers. But part of the reason why we are all here is to try and help. When we answer, its out of a sincere desire to help you.)

You don't need to be ironic about it.I wasn't disrespectful to you.

you don't need to be ironic about it.i wasn't disrespectful to you.

Oh hon, I wasn't trying to be ironic. But the people on here are good people. W are all just trying to help. Some temper answers with a little more grace than the others, but we all mean well.

I wish you the best. And I hope that you are able to ignore this guy. Don't let him take your power. Don't let him control you. You're stronger than that. (check out the Rascal Flatts song Stand. Wipe your hands and move on.)

Good luck, hon.

P.S:Thank you

Aww... you're welcome.

Check out that song. It's a winner.

in a state: why don't you pick several topics on Ask Me and put in your two cents worth? You will enjoy your time sharing your experiences.

I do answer when I feel I can help.

I miss him
It's been months already!
True,I've calmed down,I'm not crying anymore... and sometimes,when I do feel like crying,I can control it.baby steps.but the fact that I still think about him... I can't really have fun and laugh like I used to.. this concerns me.am I going to feel like half of myself is dead forever?
I am interested in other people,but nothing hits off
I went out with someone a week ago.I wasn't interested in him,but I needed socializing and being treated nicely.it was okay,I felt good...
... but.but but but.it's not the same.I feel empty.I'm not smiling full-heartedly.
Two months ago I saw him,my ex,so I said hello&asked what he was doing.he wasn't looking at me in the eye and seemed to be nervous and avoid conversation.when I realized,we really don't have anything to talk about anymore.after ''hello how are you'' I didn't know what to say anymore.so I just walked away.
3 weeks ago he gave me a call,but I missed it.when I rang him back,he rejected my call.and that was it.I haven't seen him since that awkward moment,2 months ago.and I'm (still)wondering why did he call me and then REJECT.that was so wrong.when I think about it,sometimes it drives me nuts,as in despair,and sometimes nuts as in disgusted.
Would it be unproper for me to ask him why the hell did he do that?I am going to see him at a party.should I chat with him or just be polite,say hi,and walk away? After all,that phone thing really hints to me that he doesn't deserve my attention,my tears,not even my spit.but still,I miss him and I would like to talk to him.and ask him about that call.what would be OK?

i would like to talk to him.and ask him about that call.what would be ok?

Your post brought back memories. Consequently, I advise against any contact as it would only prolong your pain. What if he were to tell you "Oh, my goof, I was drunk and called out of habit"; how would you feel? There probably isn't even a rational explanation, and nothing to gained by knowing a why. If you were the dumpee, he should be sober and beating your door down for you to even consider taking him back. Ignore him at the party.

As for the hollowness, find something to hug - random guy (make his day!), cat, dog, stuffed animal - and have a good cry; don't try to control it. Bottling it up only makes it take longer to get it all out.

*hug* it will get better...