This is my first post here, and I am going through hell right now, I feel like I have no where to turn so I need some REAL advice PLEASE. I am 24 and my grlfriend (well X now) is just turned 21 TODAY. She went on a semseter at sea trip this summer for about 2 months and everything was great. I have ALWAYS been really supportive of her doing stuff like that. Well, THE DAY she got back she broke up with me. We had been together 5 years and she said she needs some time to figure herself out and really see what life is like without me. She just got into an out of state school and she will be leaving in Jan. She has been back now for about 2 months and we talk everyday. Now, I wasn't the best boyfriend, I made my mistakes (I NEVER cheated) I just wasn't really there emotionally for her wich is WAY worse. She cheated on me twice over 5 years but I never gave up on her and we always worked things out. Now she is driving me crazy, I don't know what to do. When I give her "space" she starts being REALLY sweet and tells me she loves me and she missses me, but when I start opening up to her and tell her how I feel, she pulls away. She says that she hopes she will come back to me, and if she does she wants to start a whole new and better relationship. She said she thinks it would be good if we date some other people to see what's out there, but she thinks we are "soul mates". I HATE getting all these mixed signals from her and I am really hurting right now. I was going to ask her to marry me when she got back, but now I really don't know what is going on. A lot of times when we talk she is so cold and rude to me, but then like 3 days later she will be sooooooo sweet. This is the first BIG relationship I have really been in, and I know it will be good for her to go out and "see the world" but Im scared. I don't want to lose her for good, but I really think I already have. A lot of times when we talk it is just her throwing all of my faults in my face and making me feel like crap. If things were so bad, I seriously doubt she would have stayed with me for so long. I know she still loves me, and I HOPE she is still in love with me, but I don't know how to approach this at all, that is why I am here. Should I just let her go and do her thing, or should I fight for her? I want to call her soooo bad, but I know that will just make things worse. We are so much more than bf/gf, she is like my best friend too. WHAT SHOULD I DO!

Added note: She says "I was not there for her emotionally" but about 2 months before she left I really tried to be emotional with her, I guess I was a "wuss". It doesn't make sense until now I guess, I have reasd A lot of these posts on how to treat girls and that is what I was pretty much doing, until the end. Over the past few months I have really been a big ol WUSS. She knows I love her, and she still sends me the ol text "823" or "i love you" only AFTER I "give her space". I really need to "f off" in a sense and let her see what life is REALLY like without me huh? I know I am a good guy, and she knows that too. DARN IT I miss her though. All of my friends tell me "f her man, she is a b#$ch" but she is NOT. I pretty much disregard my friends advice as a bunch of BS because NONE of them have ever really had a "relationship". I could REALLY use some help, am I being a "wuss"?

Hello,
What gives you the right to post something like this with foul, abusive, and bad language?
Please don't post words like that anymore. It is not allowed at this website.
Since you are a "newbie", you might want to read the policies of this site.

Anyway, I am sorry about your situation. I had a very similar situation when I was your age, (which was over 40 yrs ago! ). So... been there... done that.
My suggestion is to leave her alone.
Don't call her, don't answer any messages, don't talk with her.
She must make up her mind what or who she wants. If she is really in love with you, she will let you know later.
Meantime, stop killing yourself with worry. Get out and meet some new people, even though it's hard to do so. You have a life, live it.
She will contact you in the future if she really wants to get back with you.
Best of luck,
fredg

I am in ANOTHER jam now. I am on Facebook to keep in touch with my friends from school and all, and on the "looking for" part I had "random play" but I didn't mean that I want to go out and randomly hook up with girls, I just meant mess around on the site. The EX just saw it and FREAKED OUT! She is sooooo pissed off at me and I didn't do anything. I had a picture of me and her on there but I had to change it because I can't look at pics of me and her anymore, its too hard. I am an idiot, I know I did something dumb, but she knows me better than that. I called her and tried to explain myself to her, but she won't hear it, all she says is "its over" then I ask "for good?" and all she says is "i dont know". Am I out of there because of something this trivial? I did not hook up with anyone and I want her back. I know I am an idiot, but I just didn't think it was a big deal. She is talking to me on the phone, but she won't see me at all. This just happened today, what can I do? I really don't want to lose her, and she has no reason not to trust me. I have never been the kind of guy that hook up at random. I love her and I want her back more than anything. I was going to try and play it cool, but now I am just in the dog house because of a stupid web site! PLEASE HELP ME!

Seriously - you're screwed dude. That was supid. There no way around it. It's a form of cheating. It's beyound stupid if you actually have a relationship with one woman. IT'S NOT TRIVIAL. To her you're out there trolling for woman.

All I can say is - GIVE HER SPACE. Don't call, never beg - ever. Let her sort things out. I wouldn't call her for now because you will only make it worse.

See - you BROKE her trust massively. I doubt she will ever respect and trust you again.

Your intentions may not have been to hurt her, but walk a mile in her shoes. How do you think you would feel if it was her doing those things? If you love this girl and want her back then write her a letter letting her know that you respect her feelings, you want to speak to her face to face and apoligize but will wait until she is ready to do that. Don't try explaining anything in the letter, just let her know you were not thinking straight and that your actions were immature and selfish. It really doesn't matter that you say that you didn't intend hooking up with someone, your actions gave the impression that you were open to it. If you want to date this girl, or any other for that matter, with the intentions of it leading to marriage, date 2 years (not 4, 5 10 years), get to know each other really well, ask all the important questions, religion, kids or no kids, who will stay home and raise the kids, disclose all pertinent family info(like my family is a little psycho kind of stuff) and all that jazz. If your feelings toward this girl are that strong and that sincere, then it's pretty likely she will eventually be open to talk to you about it. I don't know all of your particulars but if she is your "ex" and you two were not in negotiations to get back together, then technically speaking you did nothing wrong, even if you did have intentions of meeting someone. That's why it's called "broken-up", you have the freedom to do what you like. However, at no time should you ever do anything so lame (like dating her friend) that she would not even want to remain friends with you. Refrain from calling her 10 times a day and just send her that note. She will probably admire the fact that you are respecting her wishes and doing as she said. You'll get through it.

Yup, you said it, you did something dumb. Were you in such a hurry to apply to this website that you did not take the time to read it fully and fill out the little 'dots' correctly or was that a freudian slip? If this happened today, how many times did you call her? May I suggest that you unsubscribe from that site, send her an email to let her know, or write her a letter if you are serious about wanting her back. But you will probably have to wait a while for her to come back because she has a lot to think and reflect about. She will be angry now, and will hopefully look at the pros and cons of your relationship - hope there are more 'cons' for your sake. This will give you time to do a little reflecting too. If you are 'destined' to get back together, it will happen, but don't push it. All wounds need a bit of time to heal, so tell her you'll give her all the time she needs. You will find out if she left you for this reason only, or another and needed the right excuse, and you gave it to her. This might be a possibility that you'll have to face when the time comes, so prepare yourself. Taking these steps right now will give you a start.. If she no longer wants the relationship with you, you can always join the website again and start over. Keep us posted and good luck.

I sometimes get the feeling we can read each other's minds across the 'great pond'. Keep up the good work!

Yes, I get it, I did something STUPID but I did not have the intention of "trolling for women". I don't want to find girls on the internet. It is a college web site where you keep in contact with your friends, that's it. It is NOT a dtaing web site. I TOTALLY understand why she would be upset about it, but the thing is, she knows me better than that. She know I don't do things like hook up with girls at random, I just don't think that way, sorry. She just called and apologized to me for over reacting to it, and said she has just been really stressed out this week. I get that it was stupid of me to put that, but there were only 4 choices, and that's the one I picked, I didn't write that in. I should have thought about it more, but honestly, the site is just dumb. The only reason I got onto it is to keep in touch with some old friends. She has been playing some major games with me over the past month and a half, so I don't think it is fair of you to say some of these things. I know I haven't toatlly explained the situation so I will try now. She left for 2 months to study abroad, THE DAY she got back she said she needed "time to figure things out". One day she will be heartless and mean, so I say "screw it" the next she is sooooo sweet to me. Even her sister (one of my good friends) called me and said "I dont know what her problem is, but dont let her play games with you like this, you are a good guy and she will realize that". I know it was something boneheaded, and I honestly never gave it a seccond thought. A few weeks after we broke up we hung out and I saw a message she sent to some guy calling him sexy and she wished she was back at the beach with him. When I asked her about it she got pissed, told me it was none of my business, and she doesn't have to answer to me. I hope this sheds some light on things, I am not a bad guy, I just made a dumb mistake, don't hold that against me.

p.s. even her sister said that her getting pissed off about that "random play" stuff was dumb... and yes... she is older than my EX.

Don't be upset with us please. We did not get the 'whole picture' because you did not 'paint it'. We are here to help as best as we can and can only pick up on what is written. We are not generally judgemental, so don't take us for that, please. Wildcat and I get 'into it' sometimes but we are friends and just like to banter a bit, but we do want to help others to get out of stressful and/or confusing times as much as we can. Don't give up on us, we will always be here to listen and sometimes even learn. You sound like an intelligent young man and I think you'll do just fine. Take care and keep us posted.

I agree with Chery. And this joker tposted today she broke up with him in an earlier post- WHICH IS IT?

Check on the threads he started in his profile. There are not that many and will be easy to find.

Sorry guys, that's why I am here, I feel like I have no where else to turn. I didn't mean to jump down your throats, this is just REALLY hard for me to handle right now (first tuff break up) I know you mean no harm, and I am new here so give me a little to "feel things out". I do appreciate everything, but don't be so quick to judge me. Thanks for your help guys, Jeff.

Here is the thread wildcat https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=13639 It might give you a better picture on what is going on.

Sorry for the language, I am "the new guy" I meant no disrespect. I will edit the post.

Hi,
Thank you, and I hope with all your replies, some of them can help your situation.
fredg

Actually Jeff, this changes my opinion a little. If you were my brother I'd say with best friends like that who needs enemies? Hear me out. She cheated on me twice over 5 years but I never gave up on her and we always worked things out. 5 years and 2 cheating episodes does not make for a good record, not as a friend and certainly not as a girlfriend. If she was being mistreated or you were emotionally unavailable, unappreciated or whatever, then the right and mature thing for her to do would have been to leave the relationship, not turn around and retaliate. Alot of times when we talk she is so cold and rude to me, but then like 3 days later she will be sooooooo sweet. Honestly, put your emotions aside, are they aside? Okay, does that sound like a person who's got their stuff together? I'm not saying she's crazy or anything like that, I'm saying maybe she's overwhelmed about the whole relationship and needs to grow up some. That doesn't happen in two months, she needs time, lots and lots of it. She went on a semseter at sea trip this summer for about 2 months and everything was great. I have ALWAYS been really supportive of her doing stuff like that. Well, THE DAY she got back she broke up with me. Do you think it's possible something may have happened while she was gone that made her rethink this relationship? Maybe she began thinking about her future, maybe she wasn't sure that she still wanted you to be a part of it. Since she has cheated twice on you (that you know of) maybe she met someone who made her question all of this?? Maybe she had a moment of "the grass is always greener..." type thing? This doesn't make your ex-girlfriend a bad person, just someone who is struggling to admit or realize what she wants to do with her life and she's taking you with her on this wild ride. She says that she hopes she will come back to me, and if she does she wants to start a whole new and better relationship. Huh?? I don't care if you were the crappiest boyfriend on earth, you don't stick around for someone who says she "hopes" she will come back... that's absurd. We live in a free country where you are actually entitled to pick the person you want to be with, that's a hell of a freedom, don't waste it. Alot of times when we talk it is just her throwing all of my faults in my face and making me feel like crap. You were going to ask this person to marry you?? So you can go through a some happiness but with lots-of-this-throwing-faults-in-your-face-constantly-kinda-life?? Marriages are supposed to be between two people who not only love each other (cause believe it or not, the feeling of love comes and goes) but mainly have committed themselves, mind, body and soul to each other, come happy, sad or confused times. Marriage is respect, love, admiration, warmth, honesty and trust. Not unconditional love, like no matter what you do to me, I am going to stay put, you are not a door mat, you are a spouse. She said she thinks it would be good if we date some other people to see whats out there, but she thinks we are "soul mates". I love and adore my husband more than I can ever explain, but I am not sure that the whole soul mates thing really exist, love does though. And even if you do buy into the soul mates thing, if she has already found her soul mate, why does she need to date other people to see what's out there?? You said she wants to go out there and find herself, to see the world, I say let her go. She may feel that she does really love you but you need to give her a few years to grow up! Mature women don't act that way. Get on with your life. That doesn't mean go out and date every girl you meet, that means don't stay home and do nothing. That means focus on your school life and goals and meet them with a passion. That means don't turn down every potential date. Life will happen. You might meet someone who is surprisingly everything you have ever wanted, even more than your ex-girlfriend. Don't be shy, I know this was your first BIG relationship, it just may not necessarily be your best. Knowing all the things you know about your ex, play a little be-honest, would you want her to be the mother of your 99 kids? Go one further, would you introduce a girl like that to your grown up son?? That might help put things in perspective. I know this was probably not what you wanted to hear or read I should say, I just think it's important you got a third party opinion and unfortunately, my opinions are not always humble. Best Wishes. :)

Wow, thanks mom! Lol. I didtn really start thinking about all this crap until last night to be honest, I was so scared that I was going to lose her I just thought "what could I have done different?" The fact is, I don't think if I treated her better I would be out of this mess. Her sister called me today to ask how I was doing, and she told me "shes crazy, I dont know what her problem is" and "you need to turn this around on her". I really feel like this is NOT the person I fell in love with AT ALL, it really sucks because I really feel like I don't even know her anymore. I asked her sister if she has been acting different around her and she said yes. This is all showing me a BIG sign of immaturity, and I don't like it at all. I can't be mad at her if in fact her feelings did change for me, there is nothing I can really do about that, the thing that burns me is that she is just dragging me through the mud because of it. I don't know if she met someone els, if she did I really wish she would just tell me. She went to New York today for her birthday and told me she would "think about things why she is there" she is also meeting some of the friends she made on her trip this summer which makes me suspicious. She is a really great girl, or she was before she left, I just don't get how people can change over not even 2 months, like a month. I really feel like her mother said something to her about going out and living life. When she went on her trip she called me about 3-4 times a week and cried most of the time telling me "I wish I never came here, I should have stayed" I always told her to be strong and I will be here when you get back baby. Well, her mom went out to see her about half way through the trip, and after she left that's when things got weird with her, phone calls dropped to 1-2 times a week, and not at all the last week. Now, I have a VERY close relationship with her parents and I don't think IF she said anything it was against me, I just think her mom knows we are getting to "that point" in the relationship and she doesn't want her daughter to have any regrets. The problem is, the EX can't really take advice like mature people can, she is VERY impressionable. If you give her advice about something, that is pretty much what she will do. To be honest, I don't want her back right now because I don't like this new person she has become, cold and almost evil. I know she still loves me and she misses me, but I think she is just confused. This is partly my fault thought. You see, I haven't really got to "hang out" with her in about... 4 months, I mean quality me and her time so I still miss her A lot. We talk everyday and I haven't really given her a chance to absorb anything, dumb I know but hey, I just miss her. I am just getting mad now because I feel like I am being played with, even her sis sayed "dont let her play games with you". I have ALWAYS been a straight forward person with her, and COMPLETETLY honset about everything. If she did meet someone on her trip, I will never know because she would never tell me, I know from past experiences. Now let me set the record straight, she did cheat on me twice, but just kissing. Now I don't think it makes a difference but let me give you a little backround on this. Im not trying to bash her, I just want you to see how I "didnt treat her well" as she says. The 2nd time she cheated it was with one of my now EX friends, she kissed him twice and one of my other friends told me about it. When I confronted her about it she lied, for about a month. She made me feel horrible for even asking her about it saying "you dont trust me! I told you I didnt". I finally got fed up and when to him and asked, he said "ok fine, I did it". I had to give him my word I would not beat him up for him to tell me LOL. After all that I still forgave her, maybe that should have been my "red flag" but hey, not much I can do about it now. Now she is in New York and Im wondering IF she did meet someone else if he is up there and she is seeing if it will go anywhere, the problem is, I have no way of knowing. I have asked her like 10 times if she just met someone else but she always says "no, if I wanted anyone it would be you". I just don't get it guys, I feel like such a bad person, but I know Im not. I hate women, well her right now. Thanks for listening.

Jeff, this might sound a bit like Wildcat, but I think it is time for you to move on to greener pastures. She tested you and you failed the test. You also asked her too many times if she was seeing someone else, which gave her the impression that you were insecure. Women don't like insecure, and always forgiving men, they think it is a weakness, so you must not show it,especially at that age. Most young girls want machos until they realize that they are not really the best choice either. Once they realize that they can do what they want and you still let them get away with it without an an upset reaction they expect, they will ride all over you and feel your are too weak to be a permanent partner strong enough to lean on. You gave in too many times with her, so tell her it's over and that she can do what she wants from now on. I know it will hurt, it hurts now, but this will fade once you've met someone that does not treat you like a doormat. You are still young, and believe me, you'll get hurt a few more times in life, so get yourself some self-confidence back real soon. Even her sister told you she did not like the way she treats you, so what does that tell you? Take her aside and have a long talk with her (the sister) and ask her for some advice, she might surprise you and say almost the same as I did - that you should not be a doormat and get out and meet a girl that will not put you through those stupid tests and play games with you. But start over by being a little more secure about yourself, that's the most important thing right now, not her! If you stick with her you'll never get a chance to develop and even might wind up so down that you will find it harder to pick up the pieces. So, concentrate on school, your future, and take a girl or two to the movies, but nothing serious yet, or you'll wind up in the same rut again. The healing process will take a while, but it will happen. Good Luck. And keep us posted. Yes I know you 'love' her, but do you really know why? Check out and wright down your meaning of love right now, and then go back a few years from now and read it, you'll get a good laugh out of it, I promise. Excuse the spelling, but I'm on a roll and don't care to check it right now, you are more important to get this to.

I get you. The thing is, I guess I am real insecure with her because she has lied to me in the past about stuff like that. I am realizing quickly that I don't need this much stress in my life, and this is just getting out of hand. I DO need to get my confidence back in myself first. I am normaly not like this, but this whole situation has be a bit messed up. She told me when she gets back that we will have a long talk about us, so who knows what she is going to say. I am going out to the bars tonight, and I am going to leave the phone at home! LOL! Man I hate making drunk phone calls, don't you? This is all just ridiculous now, and I am pretty sick of the games. I am being a big ol wuss right now and I have to quit feeling sorry for myself and just move on. Ah ha! Easier said than done though. I have good days and bad, but I know everything will work out in the end. If she did in fact meet someone else, good for her, I am sure that will last... I just have a problem with looking at the worst case senario sp* with her because of her track record. When she comes back, I will try and give her the old "cold shoulder". I don't think she "tested me and I failed" because I didn't do anything. She sadi that she over reacted to the whole internet thing and she was sorry for it. The fact is, she never even gave me a chance and I don't deserve the things she is putting me trhough. I can feel myself getting a little stronger everyday and getting my confidence back, but it is tuff. I guess the one thing I have learned out of all of this is, just when you think you know a lot about women, you quickly realize you know nothing. LOL! Games are a load of crap.

Yes games are crap, but a part of life when you are young, for men and women. You'll wind up playing a game or two yourself, but play them with respect. Take it from an alcoholic who's dry for over 20 years, booze won't solve a darned thing, only make it worse. You still have a chance to stop before it takes total control over you. You have enough baggage to carry, don't need more.

Oh man, I didn't want to come off like I think drinking will solve ANYTHING. Sorry, I did not mean that at all. I am just going out with some old friends tonight to have a good time. Congratz on being sober so long, my dads mother was an alcoholic as well. I don't want to drink to forget because whenever I have tried that it DOES make things A lot worse. Thanks for the words of wisdom though. p.s. there will be a VERY cute girl there tonight that I know has a crush on me. I don't want to be a heart breaker and I am not ready for ANY kind of a relationship with ANYONE. Lol, I guess I just answered the question I was going to ask!

God for you, now go for it, carfully!

jeffatl- Just to put my 2 cents in tonight, you know this girl is to going to be where you are at and you also know she has a crush on you, just don't go over board with the drinking. Sometimes when you are feeling down and you involve drinking it can make a rough night.. especially with a girl.

Did this make sense?

I figured it out! It took 24 years but it happened tonight! I went out with a bunch of friends (girls) and they told me... "yea your hot, but you are just too nice man, you can't be so nice to your EX and she will come running". I thought that this was all BS before tonight, but it is true! I faced a harsh reality tonight, but it was a good thing. Being nice it WAY too much work and it takes too much out of you. Im not saying that I want to be a jerk or treat women like crap, I just can't give in so much. When I think about it, when I started telling her how much I cared about her, everything went bad. The thing is, it is so much easier not to care (I hope) and the old saying "nice guys finish last" IS TRUE! I am so emotionally drained it will really be a relief not to care. That is why when I told her I was "giving up and I just can't do this anymore" she chased me down in my car! Yea, I still love her, but I can't let her do what she wants and break me down or she loses ALL respect for me. I always thought it was crap "girls want what they can't have" but now when I think about it, that is why you see so many girls with the WORST guys. Yes I am a bit on the drunk side, but I wanted to write this so I would remember tomorrow what I have learned tonight. This is SO high school and stupid, but it is just the way things work. Tonight is my promise to not let the EX walk all over me and let the things she does bother me. I am done with the whole "nice guy" thing, MAYBE when I get married I will go back, but the way things look, I would probably just get burned. LOL, I am a jerk now! I just hope I can keep it up.

jeffatl- Just to put my 2 cents in tonight, you know this girl is to going to be where you are at and you also know she has a crush on you, just don't go over board with the drinking. Sometimes when you are feeling down and you involve drinking it can make a rough night..especially with a girl.

Did this make sense?

For sure, but I didn't want to hook up with her. I am just not interested in having anything to do with women right now. There was a different girl that was haning all over me tonight but I just don't like that. I like the chase too, so when girls act "easy" I tend to back off. A little side note: I have only "been" with 2 girls in my life, I don't think I could ever just use women for sex, just not my bag. Too "nice" I guess... BAH!!

I am very proud of you. Keep that attitude. And things will come together.

I am 25 and I have been through a lot... it's tough but it gets better.

Jeff, congrats, you are one of the growing type and we are proud of you. Keep us posted and lots of luck.


Have a good weekend!

This gal sounds like real bad news anyway.

She cheated on you TWICE?? You should have gotten rid of her the first time OK??

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's horrible.

This gal NEVER respected you. You never trusted her. With out trust and respect you have nothing. Nada. No reason to even communicate.

She walked all over you. You were a door mat. I am sure a 'nice guy'.

PLUS she is at the stage wher she wants to be a 'bad girl' - you don't want this.

Woma ncan smell insecurity a mile away. They well tear your heart out... they well treat you poorly. Woman want a man who is secure in himself.

You took WAY too much of this gals CRAP... again she walked all over her. LEARN the word NO... Learn the words: "You;re out of line" OR "that's wrong"... Learn the words: "Ok, Bye" if she is out of line.

LEARN that woman are PART of your life, NOT your life.

Learn about nice guys and WHY she wal;ked all over you:

1. STOP being so nice toi her and letting her get her way all the time. Woman NEVER base the fact the like you because you are SO NICE to them and will to do ANYthing for them. Ever. You need to say NO! A lot.

2. NEVER try to convince a woman to like you. Especially going forward.

3. STOP being insecure. LEARN woman's tests. They will test you all day long if you're insecure. All those questions - anser them with questions - OR more importantly make fun of them always - "Do you want have kids" Yuou - "yes! I want kids! I want 10 kids! Lets start right now and the ngrab her and tickle her."

You're insecure because you fail all her tests. It's all those questions you gave serious answers to.

4. I bet you looked to her for approval on everything you did. You ned to ALWAYS be your own man and make your OWN decisions. Do what you want. If she doesn't like it - tough! All the better.

5. Don't always buy everything. Some guys try buy her affection - never works unless she is gold digger. Make her buy drinks. And don't always do dinner - especially the first couple dates.

6. Always sharing how you feel. Big mistake - it's HUGE turnoff for woman. The ywant mystery. You mention those 3 little words to early and you're done. Don't ever say how you feel - SHOW IT!! Do little things.

7. Learn about attraction - woman want to FEEL!! It's how yopu make them feel. Learn to make fun of them - tease them - bust on them when they do something wrong in a playful way. Treat as one of your buddies 80% of the time - it keeps the pressure off her.

8. Learn to be the FUN guy - no pressure on her. You're the guy she has fun with. No DUMB relationship questions - that's her job and you answer in a funny way - if she can't figure out you like by the way you act then that's her problem. No DUMB questions. You're the guy who makes her laugh.

9. SEE - in this last relationship you gave away ALL YOUR POWER to her. Sher can do what ever she wants and it's OK by you. Cheat on you?? No problem - she knows you'll come back like a sick puppy. I bet she behaved BADLY a lot and she some how manipulated you into thinking it's your fault. You're the man - walk away if she bahaves badly - say "ok -bye" and don't call.

10. Quit calling woman all the time. I bet you called this woman 5 times aday to check up on her. She should call you. Few e-mails to woman. No text messages.

You keep checking up on her and she hates it. You become annoying. Yo uARE insecure.

Early on call her twice a week. One e-mail at most.

11. Learn about woman's test. It's all those questions she asks. Never answer them directly (I know the gals will hate this - but I AM right here). You answer these suckers and you lose.

12. That which is chased runs. People WANT what they can't have!! - this gal had you and took you for granted big time - no respect for you.



This just the tip of the ice berg

I just hope its not too late to get my dignity back. She said she wants to talk when she gets back from her trip, but now I don't even really care what she has to say. I really feel the need so "save face" now, I am not a wuss this was just a big shock for me. Screw it, I really don't even care what happens now...

Any ideas on how I might accomplish this?

You know , I was under the impression that you were starting to grow up. But when you mention things like 'saving face', and having to get drunk to be strong, and really not giving a darn about her, etc, is giving me serious doubts. If that's all you are concerned about, do what any other 'macho' will do. You don't have to be 'mister nice guy', just be yourself and tell her to bug off. She's taking up too much of your valuable time and will only hurt you again, because you are letting her do so. Are you into pain? If not, strop drinking, and instead of seeking confirmation from other's seek that confirmation from yourself, as you yourself don't think much of yourself right now. This is where you have to start and nobody can help you except you in that area. Good Luck in 'finding the real you' instead of the 'you that's expected' by others. Not all girls will treat you like this, but it seems like your looking for them and finding them. It's hard to take that 'sign' on your back off once you have worn it for so long, but try your darndest and good luck.

I don't recall ever saying that I "got drunk to be strong" I just went out last night with some friends. And the whole "saving face" thing is just because I am sick of being a baby about all of this. I know I can't let her push me around anymore and that is what I meant by "saving face". It does seem like I have a knack for finding "bad girls" and Im not sure why, maybe it is because I am too much of a push over and they like the control for a while. I learned a lot about myself after all of this, and I will NEVER let anyone do this to me again. I do need to make me happy, and I don't need anyone to make me feel happy. Calm down a bit there, and don't put words in my mouth please. Im young and I like to go out and party a little bit, nothing wrong with that. Its not like I got out to a bar by myself and "drink my problems away". I had a fun time last night, not because I got drunk, but because I fealt comfoitable in a social environment again for the 1st time since all this crap happened. I had a lot of axiety for some reason over this, and I think I let it control me way more than it should have. Proud of me or not, I feel like I made a big step for ME today. So I am pround of ME, and I just want to keep this high by letting her know I am not the weak person she thinks I am, NOT for her, but for me.

Good for you. Find a happy in-between and don't be bitter with others just because you got burned by one, OK? The 'drinking' part I meant when you 'had to have a few' to write one of the previous posts to this, not when you went out - that was a good thing to do instead of staying home.. TTFN, Chery

I got you, I guess I am just going through that bitter phase right now, where all women are evil. I just need to take my power back from this girl, and let her know that I will not put up with her crap anymore. When she comes back and if she wants to talk I will, but I am going to put my foot down with all this game stuff and tell her she can just go find another door mat. :)

Hey Jeff, I'm glad to hear you had a good time last night with your buddies and I hope you didn't make any drunk phone calls, lol :p I'm even happier to hear that you're not being a chump for this gal anymore. From the sounds of it, she's toast, and she earned it. There is nothing wrong, however, with being a nice guy, just don't be a dumb bunny. Don't let women like this run you through their own personal mud. Nice is great, with the right woman, and she apparently, at least at this time of her life is not the right woman. Go forth and conquer my man, but conquer only things that will improve your life, like your education. Surround yourself with people that will enrich your life, not make you feel sorry you crawled out of bed. There is a book you might want to check out called "Ten Stupid things men do to mess up their lives". I gave it to my brother and swore to him that he was going to have a test on it at the end of the week and if he didn't pass (meaning he didn't read it) I would never bake him his favorite peanut butter cookies again, it worked for both him and I. You might even consider not waiting for little ms. ex to call and beat her to the punch, let her know you have to talk to her and when you do, let her know this isn't working for you anymore and right now, you don't really feel the need to remain friends either, a clean split would be best. This will be quite a blow for her ego, but hey, wasn't she the one to throw the first punch? Good luck and keep in touch! ;)

I got ya, I guess I am just going through that bitter phase right now, where all women are evil. I just need to take my power back from this girl, and let her know that I will not put up with her crap anymore. When she comes back and if she wants to talk I will, but I am going to put my foot down with all this game stuff and tell her she can just go find another door mat. :)
I think I mentioned this before about not being a doormat. What the heck took you so long? Like I said, you're young, you'll heal and get over it, so I'm glad it finally sunk in. Good Luck.

Hey Jeff, I'm glad to hear you had a good time last night with your buddies and I hope you didn't make any drunk phone calls, lol :p I'm even happier to hear that you're not being a chump for this gal anymore. From the sounds of it, she's toast, and she earned it. There is nothing wrong, however, with being a nice guy, just don't be a dumb bunny. Don't let women like this run you through their own personal mud. Nice is great, with the right woman, and she apparently, at least at this time of her life is not the right woman. Go forth and conquer my man, but conquer only things that will improve your life, like your education. Surround yourself with people that will enrich your life, not make you feel sorry you crawled out of bed. There is a book you might wanna check out called "Ten Stupid things men do to mess up their lives". I gave it to my brother and swore to him that he was gonna have a test on it at the end of the week and if he didn't pass (meaning he didn't read it) I would never bake him his favorite peanut butter cookies again, it worked for both him and I. You might even consider not waiting for little ms. ex to call and beat her to the punch, let her know you have to talk to her and when you do, let her know this isn't working for you anymore and right now, you don't really feel the need to remain friends either, a clean split would be best. This will be quite a blow for her ego, but hey, wasn't she the one to throw the first punch? Good luck and keep in touch! ;)
Another ATTAGIRL, cause this forum would not let me rate you again. I wish the book were in PDF format for me to download somewhere... Have a wonderful weekend!

Got you. I think the thing is, I was really mad at love this weekend, I thought that I let love make me weak and a big baby but it didn't. I made ME weak, not love, and not her. I let this situation control me and my life for 2 months and I am NOT going to do it anymore. If she thinks going off to a new school, meeting new people, and dating new people will make her happy, that's fine. I have figured out that you can't go out and find happiness, when you do and happiness doesn't come you have to copmromise what really makes you happy in life and that happiness is just empty. Happiness has to find you, and when it does you don't have to compromise anything because it just makes you happy. She may feel like she doesn't know who she is, but I do, and I know that this isn't her. The thing is, I have to get back to me, the person I know I am and like to be. I really wish her the best and all, I hope she really finds herself and what makes her truly happy in life, and if that isn't me, that's OK, if it is, then maybe we can work something out LATER in life. She knows how I feel about her, and if she wants to tell herself that I wasn't a good boyfriend and she wasn't happy with me, thanks OK too because I know she was.There are things you can't change in life, and I can't change the way she is acting right now. Nobody can tell her what makes her happy in life, that is something that she has to figure out for herself. Things will work out one way or the other, I am just done beating myself over things I can't change. Life is calling, and Im moving on. :cool:

If there was an emoticon that displayed someone bowing down doing an "all hail" kind of thing, I'd send it to you. That's awesome. Very happy for you!! You are going to be just fine my man. I'm so proud I could pinch you! :D :D :D

LOL, HERE IS ONE FOR YA!! http://www.seloc.net/modules/Forums/images/smiles/love30.gif

Love it!! :D :D :D

Also - makesure to LEAD. Make decisions and stick with them. Again. Learn to say no.

Woman like mean who lead and make deciisons. This also means MAKE plans - you make the plans - if a woman likes you she will lfollow and do what ever even if it's grocery shopping - tspend time with you.

Never ask her to make the plans - especiall yearly on. None of the old "what do you want to do?" crap. "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

What exactly do you mean by "lead"? Do you mean like, take control of the situation? I guesss that is what I take for your post above. Don't let HER decide when we see each other, make sure I make the plans right?

Ok now what? I dropped off some stuff that I got her for her birthday (I made sure NOT to see her). Nothing big, just a cd, a picture frame with a picture of "our" dog in it with her paw print, and a card (not mushy at all). She called me and I didn't pick up, but she said thanks for the stuff and the picture frame "was the best present anyone has ever given her". She told me to call her back when I got the message and ended it with "I miss you". Now what do I do? I Don't want to keep getting played with and I want her to KNOW I mean business. To call or not to call, that, is the question! LOL, I am a MESS huh!

Generally yes. Just don't follow woman around like sick puppy. Have an opinion. Don't agree with everything she says - have spine - say no.

Make plans, woman seem to get very annoyed if she always has to make the plans and decide where to go and what to do.

You see this guys where they follow the gal around she makes all the decisions. Wuss.

I don't know dude. I wouldn't call her for a couple days - I mean your busy, your broken up .Don't be always available to her now.

A Wuss would call her right back.

I STILL HATE the fact she created on you TWICE and you're still with her. Yuck.

Got you! No more "wuss" for me, that's why I wasn't sure if I should call or not. I want to put my foot DOWN with her.

I don't know dude. I wouldn't call her for a couple days - I mean your busy, your broken up .Don't be always available to her now.

A Wuss would call her right back.

I STILL HATE the fact she created on you TWICE and you're still with her. Yuck.

Damn, I wish I would have read that FIRST. I called, but no answer, I did NOT leave a message. LOL, this is getting out of hand... :rolleyes:

You need to get your power back from her. She held ALL the cards.

Again, woman are part of your life - not your life. Heart ache happens when you put her ahead of you. Woman you want a romatic should at most be an equal with you - but they must earn that right. It's not being rude, it's just that when you put too much importance in a woman - it puts pressure on her as well.

When you put too much inportance on a woman you become a Wuss. When are important, but so other things in life - work, school, friends, family, hobbies, working out etc.

I ams your your gal is just as bummed out because you've been kind of a Wuss - she doesn't want that either.

"Damn, I wish I would have read that FIRST. I called, but no answer, I did NOT leave a message. LOL, this is getting out of hand........... "

Too bad for you. That sucks if she has caller ID. MAJOR Wuss behavior. Yuck.

People want what the ycan't have. She has you. You coming running like a love sick puppy every time she calls. No mystery, no challenge. That's why she cheated on you. She doesn't respect you and takes you for granted. You come running every time she says jump. Yuck.

She just called me back and we talked for a bit about her trip and all. I didn't say squat about us, and ended the conversation telling her "I have to go study now". I am getting over all this BS pretty quick, trust me.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

You don't get it. You shouldn't have answered. You're too available to her.

People want what they can't have. You answer the phone all the time like her lap dog. YOU don't always have to talk with her. You keep blowing it. You don't always have to be there for her. She cheats on you (I am SAURe sher did while she was away) because you always come running back. Yuck.

You're still a door mat.

Damn it, you're right. I think the thing that I have realized over the past few days is I am too unsecure with myself NOT to have a girlfriend, and that is a BAD thing. I think the thing I need to realize is, I don't NEED someone, I should WANT someone. I have had a girlfriend (not the same one) since 9th grade, and I NEVER really take time in between. I have NEVER gone out to find a girl, they always just seem to find me. I think that this break up will be good for me in a lot of ways. I think this is going to show me that I don't NEED someone, and I should leave it up to ME to make ME happy, not someone else. I don't know exactly what it is, but I know that this is going to really boost my confidence (if I don't go running back into a bad situation). I need to show myself, not her that I am a strong person that can do things on my own. I want you to know that I have NEVER been a lapdog for this women until she broke up with me. I have broken up with her a few times but we always came back to each other. This is the first time that she broke up with me. I let this break up be the death of me, but the good thing is, a new me is coming out. I think even though I keep doing "the wrong things" it is good for me to learn from all of this crap so I teach MYSELF what to do. I don't think that there is any piece of advice that I can really use. I keep coming on here looking for validation in MY choices and MY actions, and that's not right (of me). I really appreciate all of the support, but I think that I need to see things for what they are, and not what I want them to be. The only things I have learned is, I am who needs to make me happy, and I can't let myself be happy ONLY when I am with someone else. I think in a lot of ways that is why she broke up with me. When we broke up she said she still loves me, and she is still in love with me. She said that she needs to make herself happy and find herself, and after all that if we think we another try, we will. I thought that this was a BIG excuse and started looking for "answers" to why she really broke up with me. People make mistakes, I made them too. But I think that this break up will be good for us at the end, not nessisarily as us as a couple, but us as individuals. I need to be a man here and not question everything I am doing, and just do it! (TM Nike). I know that things will not get easier for a while, but I think this will be good for me.

I am who needs to make me happy, and I can't let myself be happy ONLY when I am with someone else.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!
I think in a lot of ways that is why she broke up with me. When we broke up she said she still loves me, and she is still in love with me. She said that she needs to make herself happy and find herself, and after all that if we think we another try, we will. I thought that this was a BIG excuse and started looking for "answers" to why she really broke up with me.
DID YOU CHECK OUT THE PROS AND CONS YOU HAD??
People make mistakes YUP, YUP, YUP!
, I made them too. But I think that this break up will be good for us at the end, not nessisarily as us as a couple, but us as individuals.
I need to be a man here and not question everything I am doing, and just do it! AS LONG AS YOU RESPECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS..
(TM Nike). I know that things will not get easier for a while, but I think this will be good for me.You see, it's takes two to have a relationship, but only if you can stand yourself first. If we can get up in the morning and look positive at ourselves in the mirror, then it will make the rest of the day a whole lot better. What I did when young was to keep a ledger, not a diary, of things I did on certain occasions. After a few years, I reviewed them, and really had a good laugh at some of the stupid actions. This also showed me that I did grow up (a lot) and helps me understand the mistakes others around me make. It helped me to not be too judgemental now and in the future (I hope). Although Wildcat does make it hard sometimes, but that also helps my blood pressure :p . Now back to you, keep us posted and Good Luck.

I deal in tough love because genrally I help people in relationship crisis. They need to change NOW! The ones who get hurt are the ones that made all the massive mistakes. They are the ones who surrender profess unconditinal love and push their lover away.

Jeff, take a deep breath. Now exhale, that's the important part. Without the exhale, you can't take your next breath. I think WildCat may NOT be completely right on this one, you didn't look like a wuss! It's okay that you had a brief phone conversation with her. You chose to call, you lead the conversation and you ended it when you were ready. To me that sounds like a man in in the driver's seat, not a man who is playing games or hiding behind his fears, instead, you were friendly, polite and composed. That took guts and maturity. Yes, your ex does seem like the kind of girl that when given an inch takes a mile. And you've heard the saying "if you can't convince em, confuse em.." she might have thrown in that little I miss you at the end of her phone message to do just that. One minute she's purring like a kitten and making you feel needed and wanted and the next she needs her "space" and "time" away from you and she's trying to get it by hurting you. Relationships, dates, all that stuff is supposed to make you feel good. When you reach the point that you feel that you need to wear a coat of armor and carry an AK47 just to get through the day with someone, then it's time to leave. I don't think it's a good idea to be friends with your ex, especially when you are trying to piece your life back together, but that's not to say you can't be polite, you know, if you see her, wave hello, if she calls you once a month, be yourself and hang up when you're ready to do it. When and if you decide to have "the talk" with her there's no need to be cold just to come off like commander in chief. Be polite, keep your emotions in check and if she goes off on you, don't return fire, just walk away smellin like a rose while she looks like a knucklehead. Power games don't work, you both lose. Not giving in, taking the lead, all that is okay to a point, but not if it's going to make you look like a control freak. If you have to behave so aggresively with this girl just to keep the upper hand and not give her any control, then why bother spending ANY time with her at all. When you do meet another girl who has really caught your attention (and believe me she's out there waiting for you), you'll see that 1. She's not your ex, so don't treat her like it and 2. You won't have to be in constant control because you'll learn that relationships worth having are a partnership, not a dictatorship. If all else fails, act your age, not your shoe size... :)

I deal in tough love because genrally I help people in relationship crisis. They need to change NOW! The ones who get hurt are the ones that made all the massive mistakes. They are the ones who surrender profess unconditinal love and push their lover away. Hi Wildcat..
I love potatoes, helping people when I can, good music and some men but not unconditionally, therefore I'm human. The only unconditional love I have is for my child, that's the animal and mother in me, which is the only issue I will not surrender anything for. You forget one crucial thing, without experience in love, hate, hurt, and joy, one does not get a balanced outlook on life, no matter how much advice one gets.

I fully agree - but heartache is avoidable. Most men and a certain % of women do not understand how it works.

The only unconditional love you can give is to your kids.

You do that to you partner and for some reason they tend to abuse and use you and leave.

A lot of people who come here and other sites are desperate and needy. Bad for business.

Jeff, take a deep breath. Now exhale, that's the important part. Without the exhale, you can't take your next breath. I think WildCat may NOT be completely right on this one, you didn't look like a wuss! It's okay that you had a brief phone conversation with her. You chose to call, you lead the conversation and you ended it when you were ready. To me that sounds like a man in in the driver's seat, not a man who is playing games or hiding behind his fears, instead, you were friendly, polite and composed. That took guts and maturity. Yes, your ex does seem like the kind of girl that when given an inch takes a mile. And you've heard the saying "if you can't convince em, confuse em.." she might have thrown in that little I miss you at the end of her phone message to do just that. One minute she's purring like a kitten and making you feel needed and wanted and the next she needs her "space" and "time" away from you and she's trying to get it by hurting you. Relationships, dates, all that stuff is supposed to make you feel good. When you reach the point that you feel that you need to wear a coat of armor and carry an AK47 just to get through the day with someone, then it's time to leave. I don't think it's a good idea to be friends with your ex, especially when you are trying to piece your life back together, but that's not to say you can't be polite, you know, if you see her, wave hello, if she calls you once a month, be yourself and hang up when you're ready to do it. When and if you decide to have "the talk" with her there's no need to be cold just to come off like commander in chief. Be polite, keep your emotions in check and if she goes off on you, don't return fire, just walk away smellin like a rose while she looks like a knucklehead. Power games don't work, you both lose. Not giving in, taking the lead, all that is okay to a point, but not if it's gonna make you look like a control freak. If you have to behave so aggresively with this girl just to keep the upper hand and not give her any control, then why bother spending ANY time with her at all. When you do meet another girl who has really caught your attention (and believe me she's out there waiting for you), you'll see that 1. She's not your ex, so don't treat her like it and 2. You won't have to be in constant control because you'll learn that relationships worth having are a partnership, not a dictatorship. If all else fails, act your age, not your shoe size... :)Momincali, you did it agian! Your next job should be in therapy, but I bet you want to just be a mom for a change.. Thar's cool, but don't you dare leave this forum, hear me??
Jeff - I meant what I stated in the title of this here post, so listen up. You did well, continue..

I fully agree - but heartache is avoidable. Most men and a certain % of women do not understand how it works.

The only unconditional love you can give is to your kids.

You do that to you partner and for some reason they tend to abuse and use you and leave.

A lot of people who come here and other sites are desperate and needy. Bad for business.Sweetheart, sorry to burst your bubble, but especially boys get their heart broken for the first time in life through their own dads, because they are closer to Mom and all boys love their moms first - therefore their first heartache. However it is partly true that they can be less hurtful or avoided in the future if dealt with correctly. The desperate and needy are welcome, or we would not be here - even you give good advice to women in need, so I don't think it's bad for business at all, it helps you remember who you are and share it with others - because you care - Gotcha!;) ;)

See a lot of that advise is to be actually in a relationship.

This guy needs to re-build attraction. Big difference. BIG difference.

...Just don't follow woman around like sick puppy. Have an opinion. Don't agree with everything she syas - have spine - say no.

Make plans, woman seem to get very annoyed if she always has to make the plans and decide where to go and what to do.

You see this guys where they follow the gal around she makes all the decisions. Wuss.

Don't follow a woman around like a sick puppy-TRUE, so immature.

Have an opinion- TRUE, you got a brain use it.

Don't agree with everything she says-have a spine-say no- NOT SO TRUE.
Don't agree just for the sake of agreeing, if you disagree say so, nothing wrong with that. But DON'T disagree just because you don't want to make her feel like she's right all the time either.

When you put too much importance on a woman you become a wuss-FALSE.
That is such an incorrect statement because it doesn't apply to all women. This is a girl you're dealing with here Jeff, not a woman. I promise you, when you meet the right lady, and you put "too much importance" on her, you will get it back tenfold. Most women who really and truly love their men, respect them, honor them and when treated like a queen, will treat their men like a king.

She cheated on you because you were a wuss-FALSE. She cheated on you because she has no character. She cheated on you because she could, she wanted something and selfishly she went after it without giving you a second thought. If she had the perfect man, not too soft, not too hard, she would have done it anyway, right now, that's who she is. Maybe in a few years, she'll grow out of it, maybe not.

Guys that follow the gal around and letting her make all the decisions. Wuss.
TRUE, UNLESS they're married! Keep the wife happy and the hubby will be very happy if you know what I mean... Just kidding. I'm not sure about the "re-building attraction" part that Wildcat was talking about. You obviously don't have problems attracting other women and if you're talking about re-attracting the ex, why would you want to re-attract her?? Isn't the point about getting away from her and that kind of girl.

In the meantime, if she calls and you think you want to answer the phone, then do it. This does not make you a doormat. It's what you say when you answer the phone that will determine your candidacy for doormat-hood. I think you're mastering this fairly well. Don't sweat it.

Hey Wildcat, can you handle both of us?
(just kidding)
That momincali knows her stuff and I'm glad she's joined our little family.
(this is true and I'm sure I'm not the only one)
I bet Jeff realizes he picked the right forum by now...

Jeff, you keep us posted OK?..

Found out the "real" truth. She cheated on me on her trip! Hahaha, I am an idiot! I saw a message that she was sending to some guy on AIM and it was all this sexual stuff, you know what I mean... I am SOOOOOO PISSED OFF!! :mad: Jesus I am a moron. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That is why she made me feel like crap because SHE felt guilty for it all. I am RAGING MAD! Forget her, I never want to talk to her ever again, HERE IS THE CLOSURE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!!

Found out the "real" truth. She cheated on me on her trip! hahaha, I am an idiot! I saw a message that she was sending to some guy on AIM and it was all this sexual stuff, you know what I mean....... I am SOOOOOO PISSED OFF!!!! :mad: Jesus I am a moron. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That is why she made me feel like crap because SHE felt guilty for it all. I am RAGING MAD! Forget her, I never want to talk to her ever again, HERE IS THE CLOSURE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!!!!Why are you p'd off about something you knew about anyway. Remember that 'gut feeling' you had? Jeff, do as momincali said, inhale, exhale, and STOP calling yourself a fool. You are NOT, just another human with emotions and feelings that got used as a doormat, now stop this s**t and pull yourself together. Go do some heavy exercise and sweat it all out, then shower, change, and go out if you don't have to get up early in the morning. Or watch a comedy, laughter is also good medicine. Come on now, you were doing so well, don't let yourself down. AND YES, close this chapter in your life and start a new one. We all have to at some point in our lives and it's your turn.
So as a great singer once sang, TURN THE PAGE...

No no no! I feel SOOOO much better! True I am mad, but it shows me that this had NOTHING to do with me at all! I have been beating myself up over what I could have done different, but it was her all along! I am pissed, but I have my answers to everything that I have been questioning. I feel a lot better actually, believe it or not. She called me and I called her out on everything and told her to NEVER call me again, go find another slave, and to basically go F herself. Ahhhhhhh LIBERATION my friends, now I don't have to worry about anything I do that will make her mad, I AM FREE!! :cool:

Of course I can. This is great. Love to learn new things about this stuff.

We don't always have to agree.

I Always SAY - ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

I have friends who cheat on their wives and they never stop. I really don't know people who cheat to ever stop.

Jeff - I really advise leaving this woman alone. Don't call her - don't answer the phone when she calls. She wacked out.

I bet her parents divorced?

No no no! I feel SOOOO much better! True I am mad, but it shows me that this had NOTHING to do with me at all! I have been beating myself up over what I could have done different, but it was her all along! I am pissed, but I have my answers to everything that I have been questioning. I feel alot better actually, believe it or not. She called me and I called her out on everything and told her to NEVER call me again, go find another slave, and to basically go F herself. ahhhhhhh LIBERATION my friends, now I dont have to worry about anything I do that will make her mad, I AM FREE!!!! :cool:
Good for you. Enjoy it. When you find the right 'partner' for yourself, you'll both benefit from the experiences, not need to play games anymore and be free together. That's a great outlook on life.. as it should be.

Of course I can. This is great. Love to learn new things about this stuff.

We don't always have to agree.

I ALWASY SAY - ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

I have friends who cheat on their wives and they never stop. I really don't know people who cheat to ever stop.

Jeff - I really advise leaving this woman alone. Don't call her - don't answer the phone when she calls. She wacked out.

I bet her parents divorced?You are right about the cheaters, especially the married ones, of both sexes. The single ones are not basically cheaters, they just 'try on different pairs of shoes until they find the right fit' and can be great and faithful partners once they know what they want. The important part here is to be able to communicate with each other.

Being strong, but I still miss this girl. What the hell is wrong with me! Now she is trying to say "i invaded her privacy" (by her messages, I don't pick up). Make this go away please!

Being strong, but I still miss this girl. What the hell is wrong with me!? Now she is tring to say "i invaded her privacy" (by her messages, i dont pick up). Make this go away please! There you go again Jeff. Don't do this to yourself! Face her one more time and tell her to Bug Off, because I have a feeling that it's the only way for you to close this chapter in life for your own wellbeing. Sorry I can't make it go away, but will be here for you any time. Keep busy and keep us posted.

Jeff - this gal is nuts. She is pushing your buttons. This is a form of abuse.

Get this gal out of your head.

It's great to want some one back who you can actually TRUST - Always remember this gal cheated ON YOU at least 3 times (probably more for sure).

You were a doormat, she walked all over you. You shouldn't respect this woman.

She is a nighmare.

Tell her to go to hell - dude she is not someone you ever want to be with.

Relationships are built on TRUST and RESPECT and there is NONE here and you will NEVER have it with her. She takes you for granted and will always cheat on you.

She needs to grow up as well.

I agree with Wildcat, and this in itself is rare.. so listen up!

Get rid of this trash and don't carry it around with you any longer. You are young and there will be someone out there that values you for what you are and even think about cheating on something she knows is worth keeping. From a woman's point of view, get rid of this one please... So what if it hurts a little, you will live, nobody ever died of a broken heart, and there is no reason for you to have to waste any more time on this gal.

Yes, I agree - Dude, you need to date more. Meet a gal that actually repsects you and is wonderful and that you can trust. Date a lot of woman - meeting gthem for coffee.

Once you meet that real special gal you will realize just how horrible this gal really is and how bad she is for you.

I am all for win back, but that's ONLY with a special person where there was ZERO cheating, some respect left, someone you can trust.

Come on Bud! You're starting to give me the feeling that you LIKE all this drama! I know that you don't, or at the very least you don't want to like it, so stop acting like it. Stop wasting time and seriously dive back into school and other interests. If you keep busy with things that are important to you, you'll find that you don't have time to react or respond to her pettiness. I think that you have already said all that you need to say to each other. If you told her to leave you alone and not to call, then she needs to honor that. If she is not, do whatever it takes to make sure that she does. Block her numbers, lose her email address. Send her a formal written request to stay away and not call. If all else fails, get a restraining order. I know that sounds so over the top and kind of silly, but it's your life we're dealing with, the sooner she gets the message that she messed up and that you've made the decision not to continue this relationship in any form, the sooner you can get back on track with your life. The only purpose this girl has in your life now is to reinforce the fact that this is NOT what you want or need. Now, if for some insane reason, you still think you feel confused and think that you maybe-kinda-sorta want her in your life, then tell yourself "Self, I am a dumb bunny who likes to get stepped on repeatedly at her will. I highly enjoy being thrown around like a rag doll and I look forward to the next time she cheats on me, lies to me, fights with me, attempts to make me feel guilty for thinking that she would cheat on me yet a 4TH time and professes her fake undying love. I am not interested in doing well in school. As a matter of fact, I welcome all the distractions she is creating for me and don't mind if it takes me 12 years to finish college and end up with a degree in underwater basket weaving. Who needs a career and money, I believe our love will somehow magically financially support us both. I do not want the type of girl who is genuine, kind, MATURE, trustworthy, honest and level headed, YUCK." :rolleyes: That doesn't sound like the mature Jeff we know and love. I apologize if I came off a little overly sarcastic, but I wanted you to see things from a third person perspective. Hang in there Jeff and may the force be with you... :D

You did it - boy if that does not wake Jeff up, then only a baseball bat will do the trick.
Jeff, listen, listen, listen. We could tell you all kinds of crap like your ex has, but we mean well with you, we have no reason to pull the wool over your eyes (you do that yourself to darned much). So pick yourself up start a new chapter - even wright a book about this and read it for laughs later.
MOVE ON!

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A AM! I am doing things for ME now, I just got a membership at a gym to help me "vent" and to make ME feel better. I am done with her and all her lies guys! Thank you so much for all of your help and support. I will still be hanging around to try and help people out that go through the same thing I am going through, but I am going to be OK. I know I will have good days, and bad, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel now. :D I LOVE ALL OF YOU!

Easy Dude!

The gym is your best place to go. Hit the weights. When you leave every day she will be out of her mind. Things become clearer. Alcohol just really clouds things and for a few days - believe me I know.

I can't believe the crap you put up with this gal. I bet you tried to justify it.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!

When ever we are too nice to woman they pull this crap

Good for you Jeff. I might not be as young as you, but I've been there, done that, and you too will gain from each future experience. Enjoy the gym and the rest of your life. Just look at all the people who are worse off than you right now all over the world.. Then you see another picture. Bless you...
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Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I'm doing the happy dance right about now! I knew you could do it, it was just a question of would you? A BIG hug for you and we love you too, even Wildcat! :D

Easy Dude!

The gym is your best place to go. Hit the weights. When you leave every day she will be out of her mind. Things become clearer. Alcohol just really clouds things and for a few days - believe me I know.

I can't believe the crap you put up with this gal. I bet you tried to justify it.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!

When ever we are too nice to woman they pull this crap

I agree, this girl had me feeling like I was worthless, and I believed it. All my friends told me, "dude, she wasnt that nice to you" and I never saw it until now. I STILL miss her, but she will be gone and take all this CRAP with her, then I will breath again!

Jeff, you say you still miss her. I think you miss what she once was, or pretended to be. I think you miss the fun times and what you thought you had together. Now that you've seen the wolf under the sheeps clothing, can you still say you truly miss that? Melancholy feelings are normal, you almost feel empty, but now all that emptiness is begging for something positive to fill it and the gym is a really good start. You pulled through a really rough spot, you did good! ;)

Jeff,
I was just reading through some stuff andcame up with a solution tog et ovet the girl...

Wear a rubberband around your wrist and eveytime you think of her snap it. It sounds painful but I can guarantee after 4-5 snaps you'll be over her because you don't want the snapping rubberband pain no more.

Pretty good idea, funny that you say that because this is what one of my buddies said, made me laugh. " If you start to think about what makes you sad simply bash yourself in the face a couple times. This will make you hate whatever your thinking about." A little more EXTREME, but funny! :D

They both are a good thing to think about when you get off the road to recovery. I hope you're still on it our momincali and I will take our hugs back. That will hurt too!

HAHA! You will be happy to know that "she" called me 3 times today and I din NOT pick up once! She let me a message on the 3rd call saying "I know you are mad at me baby, but I miss you so much, I can't stop tinking about you.......I love you......Im sorry I hurt you". This choked me up a bit, but I held strong and did NOT call back. I STILL miss her lying butt, and I know I have to be a man and not a "wuss". I still miss her (BOOOOOO!), but I am gaining my dignity back and don't really care about what she is doing. I feel a lot better today, but there are good days and bad. Pray for me please (if you pray) I would appreciate the help! :cool:

Dude - she cheated on you. At least three times. That's horrendous. There are so many better women out there. This is the worst kind. She doesn't understand a relationship, trust, RESPECT (she doesn't respect you), commitment.

Once a cheater - always a cheater - especially with women (the women here won't like that, but it's true - never seen it not that way). It's flaw in their gene. Let me guess - her parents divorced OR father was a massive cheater.

She's playing with you... although... see being LESS available = wanting by the other person. People want what hey can't have.

I think you're adiccted to her... you like the fact of the relationship... but don't see the forrest through the trees... she doesn't respect you... she literally abuses you... takes you for granted.

Get some confidence and self esteem and move on.

I think you are right. I can't figure out why in the hell I would want her back. She blames ALL of this crap on me, she is not nice anymore, she cheated on me, she is playing all kinds of games with me, and she can't think for herself. I don't know if I am in love with the idea of her, or the relationship anymore. There are all of these RED FLAGS telling me to hit the ground running and never look back, but there is some draw there that I can't get past. DAMN IT! I haven't called her in a week nor has she called me, and I sent her an email the other day telling her to do whatever she wants and that I just don't care anymore. I told her that SHE made a BIG mistake, and that I was done with all of her mid games, and mixed signals. I told her she needs to grow up and that she really took me for granted and she will see that soon enough. I told her I did everything I could to try and work things out but nothing did any good. I pretty much told her I was fed up with this crap and told her to do whatever she wanted. It was hard to send it, but I knew I had to just let go and find someone that will respect me and treat me right. As of now, I dotn really care what she does, I am just glad I did get out BEFORE I asked her to marry me. :rolleyes:

You are still on the road to recovery, thank goodness! Stay on it. Every loss hurts, even a fish, dog, or person, but we heal in time and go on with our lives, so you'll do just fine. By the way - the advice you gave Steph was good (I tried to tell her she was a clinger, but then she always was on the defensive toward me, so I'm glad a man said basically the same) - and you got my rating - you deserved that one! Keep it up, and help others along the way too since you are now one of 50 million of us who have been there, done that. I want to see more positive help from you for others in the future, as this will also continue to help your healing process.
TTFN

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"She blames ALL of this crap on me" - BIGGEST RED FLAG IN THE WORLD!!

Ughhhhhhhhhh!! - that's abusive and manipulative!!

I think you're attracted to the relationship thing - which you need to start with another REAL woman. You're obsessed over her - you want to make thing right and they never will be - this gal has massive issues and she always will. You have in your mind the way things should be, but in reality they never will be that way.

You hit the nail on the head again Ms. Chery when you told Jeff that the best thing he could do would be to continue to help others as this would help him heal also. Jeff, you are coming along nicely. She knows she hurt you, she knows she's playing games with you (i.e. treating you like a Yo-Yo) and she knows most of all that she lost respect for you a long time ago. It's a fairy tale. Her calls are not worthy of a response. She's spam now babe. There are two reasons she wants your attention and forgiveness right now, 1.) It will make her feel better. She's trying to take a load off her shoulders. 2.) She is behaving like a spoiled brat. It's not an attractive feature in a 3 year old and it's certainly not an attractive feature in a 21 year old. When you truly take off those rose colored glasses it will be such a revelation, it's going to knock you to your core. Don't bother sending her emails, don't answer her calls or even open your door to her unless she's standing behind Ed McMahan. She's a used car salesman, full of baloney. Remember, the one who cares the least is the one who has the most power. At this age, your goal in dating a woman should be to find one who would make an awesome partner and mother to your children, a keeper(don't worry, I'm not trying to marry you off tomorrow or anything, but I'm sure it's entered your mind). You need a woman with character, remember what character is? Character is who you are when no one else is looking. She needs to knock your socks off because she is a phenominal woman. She needs to be the kind of woman you'd be proud to bring home to mom, even if your mom knew everything about her. She needs to be the kind of woman whose got your back, always, no matter how hard, how boring things get, she's there. She needs to be loving in the true sense of the word. Does that describe your ex? The audacity of her to blame and criticize you comes too late in the game. While you were together, would have been the right time for her to come to you and talk, let you know she needed certain things from you. She didn't do that. She went out and made herself feel better by being unfaithful to you and then lying to your face about it. Coming from a woman, that kind of behavior will never change. Her cheating was not an event, it was a pattern. You were right to thank your lucky stars that you did not marry or even propose to this female. She had no right, no matter how poorly your may have treated her, to behave this way. Any woman with self-worth and a spine would have left you a long time ago had it been so bad. I found this piece of advice for you ladies out there realizing that maybe you too have been acting a little like Jeff's ex:

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you...buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother made it...buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...buy a dog.

If you want someone to scare away burglars without a lethal weapon ...buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores...buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football and can sit next to you and watch a romantic movie...buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, regardless of how you treat him...buy a dog.

But on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you're home and acts like a baby crying for you when you're not, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness,

Then my friend, buy a cat!

Smile Jeff, you're getting through this one day at a time... oh, and yes I do pray and will for you. ;)

Probably one of the best posts we have ever had here. Outstanding. Guys can learn MORE that than anyone - DON'T BE THE DOG!!

"Remember, the one who cares the least is the one who has the most power." - OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO TRUE. But, you CAN care - just don't show so much - never wear your heart on your sleeve.

Be like me. Don't give a dame about what she does. She will do everything in her power to get your attention, then once she has it, she'll start those freaking mind games with you. Don't let her do that to you bro. Stand up to her and tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine. From what you described, she seems like a wack job. If I were you I'd leave her *** on the curve a long time ago (she gave you so many reasons to do that). I rather be alone for the rest of my life then spend one second with your girl.

It will take time to forget about her. Just take it one step at a time. Your young, there are many more wonderful women out there (not my ex lol).

momincali if you're a female, can I marry you. Pretty please. LOL

Be like me. Don't give a dame about what she does. She will do everything in her power to get your attention, then once she has it, she'll start those freaking mind games with you. Don't let her do that to you bro. Stand up to her and tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine. From what you described, she seems like a wack job. If I were you I'd leave her *** on the curve a long time ago (she gave you so many reasons to do that). I rather be alone for the rest of my life then spend one second with your girl.

It will take time to forget about her. Just take it one step at a time. Your young, there are many more wonderful women out there (not my ex lol).

momincali if you're a female, can I marry you. pretty please. LOLSorry, but momincali is one of us... and she's good! Guess what, my cat does not go out cause he's too hooked on me, I got him trained instead of the other way around (well kind of... ) I really loved that post though..

I was not able to get into AskMe.. for 2 days and almost went crazy, my new IP helped me get in somehow, = NOW I KNOW I'M ADDICTED, and missed all you guys!

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Nice to have you back Ms. Chery!! ;) Of course your male cat is hooked on you, who wouldn't be?? Oh, and one_life, I'm not just a female, I'm a Woman so get in line! LOL, no really, LOL :D

Thanks momincali - and please just call me Chery. The 'Ms' is for strangers, and I feel closer to you than that.. C.U. more on this forum! I guess you can tell I just love them there smilies!
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Nice to have ya back Ms. Chery!!! ;) Of course your male cat is hooked on you, who wouldn't be??? Oh, and one_life, I'm not just a female, I'm a Woman so get in line! LOL, no really, LOL :D


I know you are. The woman of my dreams. Lol

Ok, she called tonight and I didn't pick up. She left me a message saying she is really upset at me for looking at her messages and invading her privacy and all. She sadi that she is sorry that things had to end this way, but I will always hold the key to her heart. Then she said that she has been thinking about me a lot lately and that she will talk to me later. I am so sick of this back and forth crap guys... seriously. This chick is STILL trying to manipulate me by saying I HURT HER! What the hell is going on here LOL! She said she can't trust someone with her heart that looks into all of her private affairs. I don't get her, and I don't really care anymore. I get that I shouldn't have looked at her messages and all, but I feel like the ends justified the means. I think the only reason she is upset about it, is because she got busted doing something nasty and it makes her look bad. I really don't think she cares that she hurt me. I really wish she would just leave already. :confused:

I am glad you see that she is TOTALLY PLAYING YOU. IF she cared a dam she would have never cheated on you.

This hot is cold is just to F with you.

She's mad she doesn't have control of you.

Please don't talk with this woman for MONTHS!! Please.

She has SO MUCH groweing up to do.

You can NEVER trust this woman - ever. She broke the trust.

Woman who cheat have really low self esteem.

I think I am seeing that now. She hs had control over me for pretty much our whole relationship, and I HATE that. She manipulated me, my frineds, my family, and her family itno thinking that I was not a good boyfriend to her, but I know that's not true. She does need to grow up BIG TIME, and I think this might be the time for her to do that, but I don't want to be around for mer to manipulate me into taking her back. I just hope I can be strong when she does try and wiggle her way back into her life. This sucks...

Jeff-
Seriously, you should have been expecting this kind of call from her, you know her best. She seems pretty predictable and you're right, pretty damn manipulative. Manipulative people have trouble being accountable for their own actions. She cheated on you, lied to you and then is angry you don't trust her. She tries to paint you as the bad guy because otherwise she would have to blame herself for what's going on. The scary part about manipulative people is that many times you won't realize you're being manipulated until it's too late. Who needs that? There's a book, it's called "Wolf in Sheeps Clothing", read it.

She's also abusive and I think that's what bothers me the most. She takes advantage of the fact that you're still hung up on her and she uses that to gain power. She can still upset you and that's powerful, it makes her feel good. Sounds kind of sick huh. :confused:

She needs some serious maturing and fighting with her and telling her what she already knows about herself is not going to change her, nothing will. Not you or your "love" for her, nothing.

Keep your distance in every aspect, physically, emotionally... and DON'T ANSWER HER EMAILS OR PHONE CALLS. It takes two to fight, no contact, no fight. She is bad news, don't forget that. Get busy, have FUN, remember what that was?? The girl of your dreams is out there, don't keep her waiting, that's rude.

And I wouldn't bother wearing the rubber band around your wrist to snap, that's obviously not working, try carrying a 10 pound weight and dropping it on your toes! Take back your life, don't let her ruin this time for you, she's a nutjob. :mad:

Remember: "...acts like a baby crying for you when you're not, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his (her) happiness,

Then my friend, buy a cat!

Jeff, you're not a cat person are you??

P.S. NO, you shouldn't have been reading her emails, what's the point? To learn more about what you already suspected. If you're looking for ways to hurt yourself just drop that weight on your toe, I'm telling you.

Jeff - seriously, I don't know if I have ever seen a woman treat a man worse than your gal. And the crap you put up with. I mention this because...

WAIT until you meet that special gal who treats you right and really wants to be

I think this was a good experience for you - build barriers, don't trust as much, STOP giving everything - relatiohsips are give and take.

You need respect and trust. She NEVER, ever trusted you - she took you for granted as she was running around with other guys. You will never be able to trust her.

" The scary part about manipulative people is that many times you won't realize you're being manipulated until it's too late." Exactly - happened to me once.

Jeff, momincali is right. You are so much into pain and redicule right now that you don't know which end is up. Stop being masochistic toward yourself. You say this sucks... but you still look for that hole to drop into and you are finding it. If you are into pain, pay for it, without emotions. At least that will give you more pleasure than she ever did. Are you into tennis - watching those dumb balls bounce back and forth? Go out and play a few games, and you choose to the bounce, direction and speed of the balls from now on, as well as those bouncy emotions in your life. You need something that will really make you use all your stocked up energy - vent it in the gym, swimming, anything that will make you tired enough to get a good night's sleep without her as the last thought before you drop off. Have you started that 'book of life' ledger I suggested? Wright into it each night when you have time. Believe me, you'll get a good laugh out of it a few months from now. Please stop hurting yourself, she does a good job of it for you, so you don't need to do it. Come on, get back on the road to recovery and put your life back into your own hands. You know we will be here to get you back on if you steer wrong, but do some of it yourself and get stronger. A suggestion - think of her as a machine from now on and there is an OFF switch, so use it and tell her to leave you alone.


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I am, I feel A lot better know that we haven't talked for about 2 weeks now. Things are picking up for me, and I feel a lot better about myself now. Don't worry about me guys, I am doing much better with the whole break up thing. I know SHE will miss out on ME, NOT the other way around. I am seeing through her manipulation and lies. She doesn't control me anymore, and to be honest, I don't even want to talk to her. She can do whatever she wants now, we are not going out anymore, so I don't have to worry about it! It really is a BIG relief to not have to wonder who she is with or what she is doing all the time. I will find someone that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. She doesn't deserve me! :cool:

Good for you. We told you that it will take a while to heal and get your self-respect back. You're not off the hook yet, so keep us posted, especially when you feel yourself dropping again. The next time, I want to hear some more positive news from you- keep at it.
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Thanks a lot guys, it is really difficult at first to come on here and "spill" and really take things to heart because you don't always get what you want to hear, but I think that is important because it sometimes takes a 3rd party to really get the whole picture on things. I won't go far, I will stick around and try and help people in my situation, its funny, I am a psychology student going into my last year specializing in relationship coucelling... ;) Weird. I think this situation will be really good for me in the long run, it will make me a very strong person. I know I will still have some hard days, but I am done with the denial part and am really seeing things for what they are. The rose colored glasses are off, now I just need to get rid of these grey ones! :cool:

As a former student myself, you learn a lot better through 'personal experience' than just books - now it depends on you what you do with the knowledge.
And you cannot expect others to 'spill' to you if you feel inhibited in doing so yourself. That would not be a good example.

;)

I agree, I feel like I am pretty much an open book. There is nothing in my life that I feel I am not willing to talk about. I want to help people and give something back. I have learned A lot about myself over the past few months and MOST of it is good. I am getting better, but I still miss her. Not talking has been a BIG help (been about 2 weeks) I don't have to worry about anything now. Thaknks for the help guys, I will keep you posted.

UPDATE: She is now dating someone else... I must say that it does suck, I tought that she would at least be "single" for a while longer than 3 months after a 5 year relationship. I am not as broken up about it as I thought I would be. ADDED NOTE: He lives close to where she is going to school at... very lame. This is a guy that she was talking to via email for a while and I questioned her intentions about this about a year ago. Funny, my gut has ALWAYS been right with this girl. Don't worry, I will be just fine guys!

I know you THINK it sucks right now but it really doesn't. No more games, no more lies, no more manipulation in your life. True freedom to do as you please. Date with no remorse or wonder if she may find out and if it would ruin your chances with her. I don't think that sucks too much, I just feel for the new guy and the ride he's about to take. Whew! You can wipe the sweat off your forehead now. Don't know if you're a Kelly Clarkson fan but think of her song
"Since you been gone" But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on,
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you,
Now I get
What I want
Since you been gone... ;)

UPDATE: She is now dating someone else........I must say that it does suck, I tought that she would at least be "single" for a while longer than 3 months after a 5 year relationship. I am not as broken up about it as I thought I would be. ADDED NOTE: He lives close to where she is going to school at.......very lame. This is a guy that she was talking to via email for a while and I questioned her intentions about this about a year ago. Funny, my gut has ALWAYS been right with this girl. Dont worry, I will be just fine guys!



Some people are too insecure and need a relationship to make them feel worth while. They can't stand being alone. Your ex sounds like one of these people.

Some of us jump right back in, and some of us take longer, but at least you have learned to deal with something that happens to all of us and probably not only once in our lives. So listen to your 'gut feelings' and go out, feel free and have fun.

I told you the next news I want to hear from you is good news, so make it.

Keep us posted, dear and you'll do just fine..

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Ok, she called tonight (first time we have talked in 3 weeks) and I talked to her for like 2 min. She said she is moving on Monday and all I really said was "thats cool". I didn't say anything about her new guy (she knows I know about him). I just asked her how her family was doing and all and told her to have fun at her new school. I ended the conversation by saying "well, I will talk to you later". It was an akward conversation, but I just made sure I sounded like I really didn't care about anything. She tried to pull that soft voice crap, but I didn't buy it. I am glad she is leaving so soon, I feel freedom coming my way! :cool:

Ok, she called tonight (first time we have talked in 3 weeks) and I talked to her for like 2 min. She said she is moving on Monday and all I really said was "thats cool". I didnt say anything about her new guy (she knows I know about him). I just asked her how her family was doing and all and told her to have fun at her new school. I ended the conversation by saying "well, I will talk to you later". It was an akward conversation, but I just made sure I sounded like I really didnt care about anything. She tried to pull that soft voice crap, but I didnt buy it. I am glad she is leaving so soon, I feel freedom comming my way! :cool:


As you know already, they'll call, only when they want to play their games. In my case, the only time my ex called me after the breakup is when she wanted to find out something about me. Never to just sencerily say hello or find out if I'm doing well.

Don't let her mind games get to you. Good thing she is moving away. That will make you forget about her sooner. In my ****ing case, she works at my place and I have to deal with it. The **** she put me through these past months and till this day. I'm getting panic attacks due to the stress I'm facing.

Yea, that's what I am starting to catch on too... the thing is, I am just really glad she is leaving, you know... "out of sight, out of mind". PLUS- I have another date this Friday... hope this one goes a little better :confused:

Yea, thats what I am starting to catch on too......the thing is, I am just really glad she is leaving, you know...."out of sight, out of mind". PLUS- I have another date this friday......hope this one goes a little better :confused:Yes, out of site, out of mind is a good thought, but some things in life have to be faced head on and taken care of to close the chapter - don't take the baggage on with you to the next relationships and don't ever compare! Keep us posted.

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Both you guys make sure you've learned from this.

No give yourself up to these women completely - no surrending. Be caucious because they WILL walk all over you. They will walk all over you. Build barriers - have your own tests.

Learn to say NO! Learn to have a spine.

You guys are busy guys and can't always be there for them.

Ok, don't know why this really matter (I guess this will just add to my list of crappy things this girl has done to me). She is leaving tomorrow to go off to school, and she didn't even call to say goodbye to me. This just really pisses me off! Not even a goodbye? What! I just can't wait until she is FINALLY gone, I am enraged on how someone you spent 5 years with and says "you are my best friend" would not even have the respect to say goodbye to you. :mad:

Jeff dear, STUFF happens, and you'll probably be dissapointed and enraged again in the future, but that's all part of life. Some people just don't have ethics or integrity and go to sleep at night thinking who they can mess up the next day. The world is that way, we have to face it and go our own ways or we will go crazy. Please chuck this off as a lesson learned. If it makes you feel any better, send her a postcard with just THANKS FOR NOTHING on it, or in a letter through her parents. I doubt it will phase her but it might make you feel better. I can't wait till the day you tell us about the great gal you met and how much better you feel, so get started on that project!
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DELIMA: This girl I knew in HS just called we will call her "L". Now, L is a VERY cute girl, but she kind of freaked me out a while back, she told me she loved me and all this crap and I didn't even know her. I have hung out with her once out side of school like 4 years ago. I didn't treat her very nicely at the time because I had a girlfriend (my EX) and didn't want to lead her on. She was VERY aggressive twards me and one night I saw her at a party and I ignored her (the EX was there). I HATE being mean to people, but I really didn't want to hurt her feelings. I appologized once before for blowing her off, and then I kind of did it again. I felt so bad about it, and she wasn't too nice to me on the phone, but she called... wierd. The thing is, I am a bit afraid of this girl because I think she might be latchy, or that could have just been a long time ago... ideas?

"she is leaving tomorrow to go off to school, and she didnt even call to say goodbye to me." - why would you care. You want this louse out of your life. Move on. JUST more no respect for Jeff - get it? She never respected you.

Ughhhhh - one day you will get it. No more lap dog.

I get it man, but it doesn't mean that it STILL doesn't piss me off. I don't think that this is even a respect issue anymore. I might not respect someone, but it doesn't give me the right to treat them like crap. I will get over all this junk, and I have been doing a good job. I am just going through a ruff spot, and things will be better when she is gone for good. :o

DELIMA: This girl I knew in HS just called we will call her "L". Now, L is a VERY cute girl, but she kind of freaked me out a while back, she told me she loved me and all this crap and I didnt even know her. I have hung out with her once out side of school like 4 years ago. I didnt treat her very nicely at the time because I had a girlfriend (my EX) and didnt want to lead her on. She was VERY agressive twards me and one night I saw her at a party and I ignored her (the EX was there). I HATE being mean to people, but I really didnt want to hurt her feelings. I appologized once before for blowing her off, adn then I kind of did it again. I felt so bad about it, and she wasnt too nice to me on the phone, but she called..................wierd. the thing is, I am a bit afraid of this girl because I think she might be latchy, or that could have just been a long time ago.....ideas? Did this young lady know your ex? Apparently she knows that you will be without her around from now on, so she might just check and see if you have grown up or are still going to be the (your attitude in the past) 'agressive stupid-head' that you were. At least she is making the attempt to find out. If she calls again, talk to her, if not, then forget it. If you meet her on the street, be nice and say hello, that's all. Let her make the first move if she thinks she needs to forgive you for the past nastiness, then she might be someone worth getting to know better - we all change from our HS days, for better or worse - where do you fall in? You are still in the 'rebound' stage, so do be careful and don't make hasty choices, but it never hurts to be nice to people. As a matter of fact, it takes more time and energy to be nasty, so don't waste your precious time, use it constructively. Now you need to place anger on the back-burner and start over.

P.S. We do this on our free time and really appreciate feedback if our answers/advice helped or not, please: click the Rate This Post link, click on Approve or Disapprove, and give a comment. Thanks!
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Jeff, I can understand the pissed offedness (did I just make that one up). She didn't say good bye more than likely for two reasons. 1.) The girl has a HUGE ego. That would portray her as a weak, tail between the legs kind of thing, giving you a second thought. The truth is that by not calling to say good bye, she gave exactly that image. What, how dare you know that she was leaving and be audacious enough to not fall all over yourself to say good bye and beg her not to go!! 2.) She's rude and chicken****! You had many years under your belt and the least she could have done was a quick 3 minute call to say hey, wish me luck, wish you the best, take care, have a good life... whatever. I'm not sure she has ever realmed the circumference beyond herself. If it doesn't benefit her, make her happy or inconveniences her, why do it?? Good riddens to her Jeff and congratulations to you, you survived! Your anger will pass, but I doubt you will forget real soon. Keep that in mind next time she sends you one of those cute little I miss you emails! ;)

Dear momincali, tried to rate you, but got the stupid message again to spread it.

I agree and said so many times in this thread, but maybe jeff will listen and pay attention to you, as he never seems to read what I say.. and after all the help we gave him, he does not even bother to rate any of us either... boy, I don't know what's wrong with some people, but that's life.. So, from now on it's you and wildcat, I'm out of this one as I hate 'talking to deaf ears'. Good luck to you and wildcat.

And happy thanksgiving..

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Ummm not true, to prove it... "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Chery again." ALSO, "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to momincali again" same goes for wildcat. I DO RATE! If someone gives me good advice, I repay the favor. I have rated a number of you. Also, I DO listen to the advice you guys give me, it is just a tuff situation to go through at times. Easy there, I show my appreciation if I can. I can't rate you again unitl I rate others, and others haven't really been giving me as good of advice. Look at your rep profile before you get mad at me for not rating please.

P.S. Jeff, stay FAR FAR AWAY from "L"! Aggressive, latchy... uh, not good. Besides, even if she has grown up a little and is not as aggressive and not as latchy, still not good. You weren't mean to ignore her, you had a girlfriend and didn't want to risk pissing her off (had you only known). If I had been ignored by you on a couple of different occasions, I'd get the message and would not continue to pursue it, most confident women would. Her calling you out of the blue kind of tells you she doesn't value herself too much or she's bored and is just wondering about you. Cute or not, don't open that door, I have a feeling you may regret it.

Ummm not true, to prove it.... "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Chery again." ALSO, "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to momincali again" same goes for wildcat. I DO RATE! If someone gives me good advice, I repay the favor. I have rated a number of you. Also, I DO listen to the advice you guys give me, it is just a tuff situation to go through at times. Easy there, I show my appreciation if I can. I can't rate you again unitl I rate others, and others havent really been giving me as good of advice. Look at your rep profile before you get mad at me for not rating please. I'm not mad at the ratings, just a little upset when you fall back and get angry over something that should be out of your skin, but I realized that with some it takes longer, I did get your attention though, thanks for the return reply. You need to get it out and that's good. Now, go and have some FUN!

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Ughhhhhhhhhh this gal is so horrible and yet Jeff still has doormat feelings for her - she really did a number on him.

Agreed, I kind of see the same in her as my EX. My EX pursued me RELENTLESSLY, and I should have known from the start. I think I will stay out of this while I can. :D

Ughhhhhhhhhh this gal is so horrible and yet Jeff still has doormat feelings for her - she really did a number on him.

I TOTALLY SEE YOUR POINT HERE! I think I need your type of "tuff love" because there is no other way to get this crap through my thick head.

This girl is, and always has been no good to me. From day one (month one) she cheated on me. Mistake #1= taking her back. Then, about a year or so later, she cheated again with one of my friends and lied to me about it for months. Mistake#2= taking her back. She manipulated my friends, family, and her family into thinking that I didn't treat her right and made herself look golden. Mistake#3= not dumping her butt. I have learned A lot for this whole experience, and I don't think I wanted to be with her for a while. I knew all of this crap, but just couldn't admit it to myself. I got soooooo comforitable in the relationship, it was hard for me to be on my own again. I feel relieved that she is gone, out of my life, but that doesn't mean that things still don't aggervate me. I don't think I can truly get over this until I don't let her push my buttons anymore. I don't want to just jump into another relationship, I want to grow within myself and be my own person. I know if I jump into another relationship, I will gain nothing. Thank you all.











I will rate you when I can... hehehehehe ;)

Good, don't jump into another relationship for a while. But that does not mean you can't date different women and have fun. As for anger issues, it is very normal to feel them. It will come and go.

When they ignore you the most, is when they thinking the most about you. It is because of pride and ego. They know they did you wrong. The way to get back at them, is to ignore them too. They can't stand that. They always thought of you as around their finger, and now they have lost that control over you. She will be misrable for the rest of her life, because she let go of a good thing with you.

Another thing, you think she feels good about leaving without saying good bye... nope, it will haunt her. She'll contaplate if what she did was the right thing to do.

Good. It IS part of growing up. I just don't want to see you go through this crap again.

MANY women (bad ones) WILL test you - they WILL see how far they get away with things. That's what this one did. You did let her get away with this all this crap AND the bad ones WILL take advantage of you at every turn - especially WHEN you are nice to them.

You let her time again get away with it. Your relationship should have lasted 1 month - period, end of story.

BUILD barriers, don't be so nice, do your own things - they will the nchase you, do not let them get awa ywith anyhtng - BUT the good ones won't do that to you.

You call her an ex, but act like she's current. So which is it? Did you send her roses? Take her to her favorite places? It's not that difficult. She means, don't do it again.

What are you talking about? Did you even read anything that has been going on in my situation? I think not. I did eveything for this girl and she walked all over me. Know the story BEFORE you give advice please...

I just found out she is engaged to this guy a few hours ago. I am freaking out so bad right now I don't even know what to do guys. I just can't deal with this crap anymore, it hurts too much. I am so tired of having my heat broken over and over again by this girl I just can't deal. I have completely lost my damn mind tonight and I am scared. My heart is now completely broken in half and I just can't cope with this anymore. Call me a wuss or weak or whatever you want, I am done.

Do something for fun for yourself. You are so attached to her, it is so difficult for you right. In time, you will do better. Is there a gym you can go to and work out until you aren't bothered by it anymore. I always walk along the lake until, it doesn't bother me anymore. Go for a nice long walk until you aren't bothered by it anymore.

I just found out she is engaged to this guy a few hours ago. I am freaking out so bad right now I dont even know what to do guys. I just can't deal with this crap anymore, it hurts too much. I am so tired of having my heat broken over and over again by this girl I just can't deal. I have completely lost my damn mind tonight and I am scared. My heart is now completly broken in half and I just can't cope with this anymore. Call me a wuss or weak or whatever you want, I am done.


Here is something to make you feel better. Write her a congrats. Say something like, "I'm suprised you are engaded. Someone in their right mind would be engaded to you. Only if they knew the real you. I wish him all the luck, he'll sure need it" That should get her water boiling.

No, no, no... do not write this woman anything. Do not give this snake any attention. Leave her alone. Move on. You're freaking crazy if you give her attention.

Obviously she was seeing this guy A LOT longer than you ever knew.

My good. You should have never had anyhting to do with her after the first time she cheated on you.

Seriously - if this woman, who POOPED on your for five years, this upset you this way... you need to go see counseling - go see a therapist this week.

This gal is a horrendous person. She treated you like crap - that isn't any type of relationship. She is very unhealthy person and no one should be with her.

I feel REALLY bad for the SUCKER who is engaged to her. What a moron.

How can she break your heart? You should be massively repulsed by her. You should be happy that she is gone.

I don't know if I know of a woman who has terated a guy worse - most guys would leave way before that.

Ok, I had some time to let things out of my system and tlak to some of my buddies so I am much better today. I totally agree with you wildcat, I don't think anyone could have treated someone worse than this girl did me. She actually called me today... and I let her have it BIG TIME. I said everything that I have wanted to say for the past few months and just let it out. She told me she doesn't want me to hate her, all I said was hate doensnt even beging to describe what I feel for you right now. She told me I could call her and "vent" if I wanted, I just told her I naver wanted to hear her voice again, or see her. She told me she missed me and thinks about me everyday, I just told her goodbye and hung up. Man, I was freaking out last night, plus I was drunk. Thanks for all the support, I don't think it could get any worse than this... knock on wood. Only way to go now is up(I hope).

"She actually called me today......and I let her have it BIG TIME."

GOOD FOR YOU MY MAN!! I normally wouldn't agree with that. But this gal deserves it. I hope you really told her how awful she was to you. I hope you told how awful the cheating was. She's is reall you pretty bad person. I feel bad for the guy who is engaged to her - this gal is still calling you and saying she misses you.


"she told me she missed me and thinks about me everyday" - THIS IS MORE MANIPULATION. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!! She is just a snake!!

"I just told her I naver wanted to hear her voice again, or see her." - good - now do this. Hopefully she wakes up and realizes how crule she was - but I doubt it - too many women react on feelings.

You will be much stronger after this. You got a lot of great life lessons. It' sgoin gto take time.

Ok, I had some time to let things out of my system and tlak to some of my buddies so i am much better today. I totally agree with you wildcat, I dont think anyone could have treated someone worse than this girl did me. She actually called me today......and I let her have it BIG TIME. I said everything that I have wanted to say for the past few months and just let it out. She told me she doesnt want me to hate her, all i said was hate doensnt even beging to describe what I feel for you right now. she told me I could call her and "vent" if I wanted, I just told her I naver wanted to hear her voice again, or see her. she told me she missed me and thinks about me everyday, I just told her goodbye and hung up. Man, I was freaking out last night, plus I ws drunk. thanks for all the support, I dont think it could get any worse than this.........knock on wood. Only way to go now is up(i hope). Jeff dear, this little witch with a capital 'B' is a power monger, and the more power she has over men, the better she feels, even to the point of acting kind and caring after spitting her venom. I'm a woman and know what we are capable of, and she takes the cake. Be glad she's out of your life, and if she tries to get back in, tell her you are recording this crap and sending it to her 'fiance' if she does not let up. You need your inner peace now, and a short vacation over the holidays is not a bad idea. Just remember, for a lot of us, the holidays make us more depressed, so stock up on Vitamin D, A, E, and B-50, then get some white and dark blue candles to let light in and give you energy and equalibrium. Please try not to drink much, as this only brings up bad memories and creates and not obviate depression. Stay in contact with us and also help other's on this forum. Until then, have a Happy Thanksgiving.

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if she tries to get back in, tell her you are recording this crap and sending it to her 'fiance' if she does not let up.
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Thanks, this made me laugh!! I needed a good laugh. I EALLY appreciate all the help guys, this has truly been a crazy situation. It really has almost been like some kind of bad movie... but I won't let this beat me, I will find "the one" and honestly, I am glad its not her. She doesn't deserve me. :cool:

You will dear, just be careful about those 'rebound' relationships, so give yourself time, have some 'safe' fun, nothing serious for a while. OK?

WILL DO! Trust me, I want no kind of anything for a while. I don't want to bring any baggage on anyone, and I don't feel like dealing with that crap either. I am just going to play the field and have some "safe" fun now. I deserve a break from all this junk and I am going to have a blast. :eek:

Jeff-So sorry to read about what Cruella's engagement did to you. Let me ask you, how do you know that she actually is engaged? I mean, playing devil's advocate here, even if she told you herself, how do you know it's actually true? She just might be whacked out enough to lie to you to drive you nuts!
Just a thought...

Even if it is, she's part of your past, a closed chapter. If you ever meet the guy face to face, thank him from the bottom of your heart, he saved your butt. You could have been the poor schmuck she suckered into a horridly unstable and untruthful marriage. She gives evil women a bad name!

Enjoy your T Day with your friends and or family and be grateful for what you have and even more for what you escaped!

I know its true because I know the guys little brother, and he told me. The funny thing is, even he was like "what the hell!?". True, it does suck, but not in the long run. I am better off, and I am having soooooooo much fun right now doing what ever I want, seriously... single life is a lot better (than being with her). I came to that conclusion last night. I am NOT a "player" or anything like that, but I LOVE to make out (sorry, its just fun). I made out A lot last night (and tonight) and I am having a GREAT time. There is TOTALLY life after this girl, and I have my options open. I am still pretty broken up over this, but I am getting better. One girl at a time... :cool:

p.s. I PRAY I never meet this guy, because I am likely to punch him in the face. Sorry, but I couldn't deal with that. I don't think I have to worry about this because I avoid ALL places where I might see her.

I just really wanted to send out a BIG thanks to all of you that have helped me through this TUFF time in my life. She sent me a text yesterday saying "I really miss your friendship Jeff" and I didn't respond and don't plan on it either. I am FINALLY having a great time being single and dating a new girl. Im taking things REALLY slow, and just having a great time. Again, you guys are amazing. :D

Dude - grow up. Here are the facts - I bet $10 million that she's been dating this guy for well over year. No one gets engaged in a couple months.

You're jealous of this guy and insecure about a woman who is completely worthless and who you should dispise and hate. A woman who thought nothing of you and is still trying to play game with you.

That said - you did all this to yourslef. Sticking around with a gal

Yet you still want this crazy, whacked out, manipulative, lying beatch back. WHY?

"I really miss your friendship Jeff"

With friends like this who needs enemies??

She is no friend. Friends don't walk all over the other person. Friends don't cheat. Friends don't lie. Friends look out for your back.

Friends don't say I love you as they about to get enegaged

Ummmmmm did you not even READ what I wrote? Seriously, why attack me for not responding to what she wrote to me? What is up your butt today? I was only telling you about what was going on, and how I DO NOT want her in my life anymore. I am dating a NEW girl, and have moved on with my life. Jeez, calm down. I think it is YOU that need to grow up and not be so critical of something I didn't even say. Oh well, I am having a great time doing whatever I want to do now and it doesn't really matter what you or anyone else thinks. I know I am feeling 1000 times better about thing whole thing, and I will just pat myself on the back. :cool:

Ummmmmm did you not even READ what I wrote? Seriously, why attack me for not responding to what she wrote to me? What is up your butt today? I was only telling you about what was going on, and how I DO NOT want her in my life anymore. I am dating a NEW girl, and have moved on with my life. Jeez, calm down. I think it is YOU that need to grow up and not be so critical of something I didnt even say. Oh well, I am having a great time doing whatever I want to do now and it doesnt really matter what you or anyone else thinks. I know I am feeling 1000 times better about thing whole thing, and I will just pat myself on the back. :cool:Jeffie... you avoid places where she goes; you want to knock the guy out... this does NOT sound like a guy whose having fun and fogetting the whitch with a capital 'B', so stop going on the defensive. He's right, you still are NOT over her, so stop saying so. The poor schmuck and her should be totally indifferent to you by now, and stay away from her brother or anyone else in her family. Like I said before, if you are into S and M, I'll be available, cause you are really barking up that tree. Go to Las Vegas over Christmas and get a taste of fantasy for a while, because reality is driving you towards lalala Land. You and I both know that you can't even keep her out of other posts when you try and help others, you still use her as an example too much, instead of giving straight advice. So, drop down and give me 20, NOW! And next time I say jump, ask me how high! Get my meaning?? Come on, dear listen up and please recover! Remember the last date you kept at a distance?

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_1_202.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)That green jealous monster is till there - get rid of him. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_13_6.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) Also time to stop feeling sorry.. or angry.

I just really wanted to send out a BIG thanks to all of you that have helped me throught this TUFF time in my life. She sent me a text yesterday saying "I really miss your friendship Jeff" and I didnt respond and dont plan on it either. I am FINALLY having a great time being single and dating a new girl. Im taking things REALLY slow, and just having a great time. Again, you guys are amazing. :DI seriously hope you mean this, but the post directly before your quote didn't sound like it at all, and your last date, was a wash, remember?

*sigh* :confused: Its true. I am not "over" this whole thing, and I do take things VERY personal at times. I do really appreciate the feedback all of you have given me, and a lot of times I need to be "called out" on my own BS ;) . I guess I am just going through that whole "angry phase" right now, you know, the whole "Im numb to the world crap". I think I am just holding on to that whole angry thing is because it feels better than missing her. I also know that I can't let that anger take hold and burn me up or I will never get over this. Sometimes I feel like kicking myself when I read some of the crap I post on here... :p but hey, that's part of life isn't it? The fact is, I am having a lot more fun now than I was (believe it or not) but I do need other ways of dealing with my problems than I have been. I think I am realizing that I let this crap take over WAY more than I should have, but that is the beauty in being able to read all the BS I have posted over the past few months. I think what I need is an electronic !SHOCK! Whenever I bring that 'B' up! :eek: . Sorry I blew up on you a bit wildcat, I know all you guys are trying to do is help. I think before I post on here again I need to get my sh*t together, and stop feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of being a baby about this, and I am sick of complaining and looking for validation for the things I do. I have NEVER been that way before, I have always had that "take no crap" attitude with life and I can't let this change that. I made some mistakes in my past relationship, and now its time to learn from that and MOVE ON!! Sometimes I have a hard time letting crap go (if you couldn't tell) but that's OK. I have learned A lot about myself, and I want... no, NEED to pull my head out of my as*. Time to grow up... I will be back, but I agree, I can't keep looking for pitty and need to get confidence I'm myself back before I can be of ANY help to anyone else. :o PEACE!!

Jeff, we all go through 'crap' like this at some point in our lives, and in many ways it is a test. You are just taking a little longer to comprehend and 'pass' this test, that all. Please don't go through your depression,(and this is exactly what your current post indicates) by yourself. This is the perfect time of year for people as sensitive as you to drag yourself deeper, so watch for those danger signs. We do care, otherwise we would have just given you a whole bunch of BS instead of helping you out of this quagmire, so feel confident in the fact that you can count on us, any time, even if you don't think so at the moment. So head up! - and don't let this drag you down, OK? Try and enjoy a holiday with new people, new places, and you'll notice that you are not the only one going through this. I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you stay in contact with us.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/new/8_22/23_50_3.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Look forward, not back!

It is amazing how those websites will get you in trouble. Be it friendster, Facebook, or myspace, you can't let them show how you feel at the time. I was stupid enough to let those show the "at the time" way I felt as opposed to how I truly felt overall. Let me just say that it caused a lot of baggage and pain for absolutely nothing. Live and learn

It is amazing how those websites will get you in trouble. Be it friendster, facebook, or myspace, you can't let them show how you feel at the time. I was stupid enough to let those show the "at the time" way i felt as opposed to how i truly felt overall. let me just say that it caused a lot of baggage and pain for absolutely nothing. live and learn WRONG! You did not go through this episode in life for 'absolutely nothing'! You gained experience and attitudes that you otherwise would not have. This helps us all grow and learn, therefore going another step further to getting to the final 'me'. It's all a part of life and will help you grow. You might be a little bitter now, but you will reflect on this a few years from now and be able to realize that you have gained a lot. Don't let your bitterness turn into disrespect for others, that's not the point, and also keep your self-respect. Good luck, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) P.S. We all do this on our free time and really appreciate feedback if our answers/advice helped or not, please click the Rate This Post link located on the blue date line above our names on the right side, next to the number of the post, click on Approve or Disapprove, and give a comment. Thanks!

It is amazing how those websites will get you in trouble. Be it friendster, facebook, or myspace, you can't let them show how you feel at the time. I was stupid enough to let those show the "at the time" way i felt as opposed to how i truly felt overall. let me just say that it caused a lot of baggage and pain for absolutely nothing. live and learn Since you just joined today, and wrote 2 posts, I don't think you had the time to read the entire thread you just posted this answer to, so please do not judge this site with others that maybe have disappointed you. We are not here to be judgemental or critical, but to help - get the idea? Besides, no matter what advice you received, either here or another site, it's still up to you to choose your actions and nobody twists your arms. Hope you stay on with us long enough to see some benefits.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_12_7.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Oh I wasn't judging this site. I think this site is great. I was just saying it is easy to get carried away with those "online profile sites."

Oh I wasn't judging this site. I think this site is great. I was just saying it is easy to get carried away with those "online profile sites." I tried checking out what you meant - and you are correct, we (or better I) don't matchmake. I stay completely out of crap like that. Been doing fine all my life without them. Thanks for setting me straight.

I think I am just holding on to that whole angry thing is because it feels better than missing her. ... but that is the beauty in being able to read all the BS I have posted over the past few months.

Wow!! How honest was that!! Jeff, you may not see it, but you are leaving this chick behind more than you realize. If you can have that much insight about yourself as to make a statement like the one above, you're doing okie dokie! It won't go away in a month or 2 or 3, it's going to take time, lots of it. But just because you've been broken up with her for 3 or 6 months doesn't mean that by now you should be over her. I mean, define "over". You want to release some tension and anger. Beat the hell out of your cell phone or pager or wherever she sends your text messages to before you flush it down the toilet. Get a new number (I know it's a pain in the ash ;)) and make sure she never gets it. Every step you take away from her, whether an easy step or a calculated difficult step, is a step toward your new found healthy future. You'll never have to worry that you're out on a date having a good time only to get a text from her in the middle of it and BAM, there goes your evening! You can leave this site for a while if you really believe that's what you need to do, but this is your sounding board. Hit the keys while you help others, it helps! Good luck!

I think the only reason I felt like I needed to leave is because I am sick of hearing myself cry about this crap, so Im sure all of you are too. The one thig with me though, is I will ALWAYS be honest, weather it be on the internet or in person. I think this goes along with the whole "I know whats wrong, but not sure how to fix it" type thing. I do feel MUCH better about myself now, and things are looking up for me. I am dating a new girl now and I really know exactly what I want and what to look for. I think I have gotten a lot of my confidence back, but of course the whole relationship thing is kind of scary to me right now. I am going out with another girl for luch tomorrow, so I am really just trying to keep myself out there. I guess the thing I don't want to do is settle for anyone or the next person to come my way. I will be graduating school and hopefully getting in to med school in the summer, so I know I have a lot going for me. One thing that I have enjoyed is looking over all of this thread and seeing where I have come from emotionally. I will NEVER be the "door mat" again, but I have also realized that doesn't mean I have to be an *** in the process. A big reason that this was hard is because I thought I found "the one" but knew in the back of my head I needed to get out before I did something stupid (like marry her). This whole thing has really taught me a lot about myself and relationships in general. Sure it sucked going through all of this, but I really think I needed it to see what I want, and its not as complicated as I thought it was before. Its funny how something like this can humble you in certain ways. I have really had a chance to get in touch with myself and build a REALLY strong bond with a few of my friends in the process. I do love all of you for rubbing my back while I cried on here, and for giving me a lot of straight answers as well. HA I was going through that whole "oh crap....Im 24 and I am looking for my wife" phase, but (not to sound full of myself) I am finding that I can still get girls with relative ease. Take note I am not a "player" or sleep with any girl that comes my way, I am just a friendly guy who LOVES women... hahahaha. Ok, got off track here. The thing is, on the last post I was really coming on here to look for validation again, and I know that its not you or anyone else that I need to validate myself too, but ME! I do want to hang around and help out, but I agree I need to leave the "me" out of it and give some straight up knowledge about the subject matter. Love you guys! :)

Jeff, you are such a light in my life. I lost both sons through therapeutic abortions because I was not supposed to have children due to heart problems, but manage to cheat fate by having a daughter in spite of it all. If I had my sons, I would have wanted them to be like you, including the whole emotional thing, because this proves to me that you are a feeling person and care a lot and are not ashamed to show it. I might have been a little harsh now and then, but I felt so close to you that I had to shake you out of torturing yourself for this very reason. I'm so proud of your progress and that you still like women. I was raped several times and married a wife-beater (got rid of him) and have some serious medical problems to where any other person would also be in the loony bin, but I still love men and enjoy life and want to help others enjoy life because it's so short and we deserve to be happy. So, I kind of chose you as my 'proxy son' here. And what a coincidence, I also studied medicine, then specilized in therapy for abused and drug realated illnesses and have helped many people because I went through it myself. I am so proud of you that I could just give you a great big hug, and hope that no matter what goals you have in life, you wll reach them. Please always consider this your home away from home and stay in contact, even thuough you'll be a busy guy.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_67.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) You'll be a great catch for any deserving young lady in time, until then, have fun and enjoy your freedom.

Awwww Chery, I wish all the women in my life were as good to me as you and momincali. I know a lot of times I need that tuff love apporach, and it means a lot to me when someone can just be straight foreword and honest. I really try and pride myself in just being genuine, just being me and nothing else. I can get a tad snappy at times, but at least when I do I will still tell you what is on my mind. I have been through a lot of hard times in my life as well. I lost my father when I was young and pretty much grew up with all women (my mom and 4 sisters) so I think that's where I get my emotional side. I have always tried to take a positive outlook on life, and I think I just realized over the past few days that I really let this whole situation change me. I was drinking A lot and that was just making me even more bitter and emotional. I wasn't sad, but I needed to really detox over the weekend and pull my head out of my butt. My father what an alcoholic so I know that booze needs to be the last thing I play around with. I feel like I have a few mothers now, and I ALWAYS appreciate any kind of response that was given to me. I have been smiling and really laughing it up over the past 2 weeks, and the most positive thing for me is, I don't think about her when I go out with other girls now. I am really excited about my date tomorrow (I will make sure to tell you guys all about it) this is probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, so Im hoping she has personality to match. You women are going to be the death of me HAHAHAHA! But... I love it... what can I say. Chery, Im going to call you M2 from now on (for mom#2) thanks for taking me under your wing and really looking out for me. Momincali you will be M3 (mom #3) hahahaha, you have been sooooo supportive of me and always made sure I was OK. Man this is strange, when I first came on here it was really just to vent but I really feel like Ive found some form of a faimly. My new policy is 1 strike and your out! (with cheating). I have really learned to value myself, HA! There is some lucky girl out there for me, I just hope I can chase her a bit first! :cool: This is a new start, no baggage and no more heart ache (for now). I guess to say it bluntly, I am proud of myself, and damn it... I should be!! Everything that reminds me of her is gone, pictures, cards, bears, even her # out of my phone. Im cleaning out all of the negative people in my life, and Im sad to say a few of my "friends" didn't make it either. I am just done with drama and games. Games just waste a lot of time and I don't have to deal with that anymore. I am done with the girls, and I am ready for the women. There are TONS of them here in Atlanta, and luckily Im in college too!! Ahhhhhhhh, New year coming up, with the same me, but more mature and a little wiser. Time for fun and a lot of crappy work too... YAHOOOOOOO!! :p

Thanks Jeff, it's a pleasure to be M2, and I'm in great company with M3, as her and I see things almost the same and I liked her from the start. Did I mention that my daughter is a Georgia Peach? She was born in Hinesville, GA, on the military base of Fort Stewart, so both my kids (including you) are 'southern'. Another coincidence?? Fate does strange things..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_203.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhh! I am truly blushing! What a compliment! I proudly accept the M3 title and will confess that I have a long running obsession with BMW. My first car was an M3 (about 8 years old) but I'd take an old BMW over a brand new car anyday. I now drive an X5 that wants to be a 7 series when it grows up! I need to thank you too Jeff because you are literally preparing me for what is to come with my son in about 23 years! I can only hope that he is as open minded as you have been, as mature about handling constructive criticism and as determined as you have become when you realized things needed to change. Definitely tread with caution in the future but don't do it with steel toe boots or you may chase away the right ! Have a good time with your TRUE friends, have fun, go out have a nice meal and a drink or two at CHOPS (love that place) and relax but focus on your med school first and foremost. Any mature good woman will understand that school comes first now and if she's willing to be a doctor's wife, will be patient and accepting of your tight school schedule as well as your hectic intern life that is yet to come.

How exciting, a date tomorrow! Where you going? Wherever it is, cut loose and show her your fun loving and sweet side, she'll be knocked off her feet.

Love you too!

P.S. Keep in mind that when you do find the future Mrs. Jeff, Chery and I are inviting outselves to that wedding!!
:D

Hahaha, that's funny! When I get married, you guys are more than welcome! I went on my date the other night, and it went OK I guess. I took her to a Tai food place, very nice and intimate where we could talk and get to know each other better. She looked AMAZING! I was truly blown away by how pretty she was, and I made sure I told her how wonderful she looked. We hit it off pretty well, she is smart and has a good sense of humor. We talked about our past relationships (she brought it up) but I was just honest and told her I am ready to get back into the dating scene. She was recenly burned by her EX as well, so we just laughed abou it and talked about places we have been and things we want to do in the future. I found out she is a model for some jeans company (dont remember wich one) and she is 23. We went back to her place, and we went in her hot tub and just talked all night. We enden the night with a kiss (NICE!) tasteful and a definite spark (for me at least) was there. She called me today and we are going out on the town this weekend. I have to admit I was prretty intimidated by how pretty she was at first, but I just thought to myself "screw it" and the night went great. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one because she is a wonderful person to talk to and to look at. :cool:

Thanks Jeff, it's a pleasure to be M2, and I'm in great company with M3, as her and I see things almost the same and I liked her from the start. Did I mention that my daughter is a Georgia Peach? She was born in Hinesville, GA, on the military base of Fort Stewart, so both my kids (including you) are 'southern'. Another coincidence???? Fate does strange things..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_203.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

That is pretty strange... small world sometimes huh? I am a Ga boy all the way (without the souther twang) I grwew up about 30min north of Atlanta. Fate is CRAZY sometimes... :p

Dude - couple tips - watch compliments, keep them few and far between. Woman love compliments, but too many and too early makes them run.

And going forward - don't talk about past relationships on the first date EVER. Usually a big red flag some one have not gotten over the past.

Don't rush this one. Give her some space. You don't need to talk every day to start.

Play it cool.

Have you ever looked in the mirror?Ask that person you see -are you a good person?-If the answer is "yes" Then be happy,thank GOD and just be the man you are!If you are a mature MAN,you'll enjoy yourself,(a model!)dude end this longass thread on a happy note and let us know.I'm happy for you. :cool: ;)

Dude - couple tips - watch compliments, keep them few and far between. Woman love compliments, but too many and too early makes them run.

And going forward - don't talk about past relationships on the first date EVER. Usually a big red flag some one have not gotten over the past.

Don't rush this one. Give her some space. You don't need to talk every day to start.

Play it cool.

I agree, I only told her "you look great tonight" and SHE brought up the past relationships, not me. All I said is "I just got out of a 5 year relationship" I didn't go into details.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhh! I am truly blushing! What a compliment! I proudly accept the M3 title and will confess that I have a long running obsession with BMW. My first car was an M3 (about 8 years old) but I'd take an old BMW over a brand new car anyday. I now drive an X5 that wants to be a 7 series when it grows up!! I need to thank you too Jeff because you are literally preparing me for what is to come with my son in about 23 years! I can only hope that he is as open minded as you have been, as mature about handling constructive criticism and as determined as you have become when you realized things needed to change. Definitely tread with caution in the future but don't do it with steel toe boots or you may chase away the right ! Have a good time with your TRUE friends, have fun, go out have a nice meal and a drink or two at CHOPS (love that place) and relax but focus on your med school first and foremost. Any mature good woman will understand that school comes first now and if she's willing to be a doctor's wife, will be patient and accepting of your tight school schedule as well as your hectic intern life that is yet to come.

How exciting, a date tomorrow!! Where ya goin? Wherever it is, cut loose and show her your fun loving and sweet side, she'll be knocked off her feet.

Love ya too!

P.S. Keep in mind that when you do find the future Mrs. Jeff, Chery and I are inviting outselves to that wedding!!!
:D That's a fact Jack (Jeff), we are coming to the wedding, even if I have to hire a 'proxy' for myself if I can no longer travel by then. But will send you a picture soon of me and my daughter, so you can see us for real! Love, Chery

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)I always wanted a big family - feels like I got one now, and it's GREAT!

Hahaha, thats funny! When i get married, you guys are more than welcome! I went on my date the other night, and it went ok I guess. I took her to a Tai food place, very nice and intimate where we could talk and get to know eachother better. She looked AMAZING! I was truely blown away by how pretty she was, and I made sure I told her how wonderful she looked. We hit it off pretty well, she is smart and has a good sence of humor. We talked about our past relationships (she brought it up) but I was just honest and told her I am ready to get back into the dating scene. She was recenly burned by her EX as well, so we just laughed abou it and talked about places we have been and things we want to do in the future. I found out she is a model for some jeans company (dont remember wich one) and she is 23. We went back to her place, and we went in her hot tub and just talked all night. We enden the night with a kiss (NICE!) tasteful and a definate spark (for me at least) was there. She called me today and we are going out on the town this weekend. I have to admit I was prretty intimidated by how pretty she was at first, but I just thought to myself "screw it" and the night went great. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one because she is a wonderful person to talk to and to look at. :cool:Happy for you dear, if you do have the need to call her now and then, just tell her you like the sound of her voice, no matter what she says, that'll get her to feel special. And remember, looks are not everything, and if she picked you, you must not look too bad yourself. Have fun, son.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_15_8.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Love, M2

Hahaha, thats funny! When i get married, you guys are more than welcome! I went on my date the other night, and it went ok I guess. I took her to a Tai food place, very nice and intimate where we could talk and get to know eachother better. She looked AMAZING! I was truely blown away by how pretty she was, and I made sure I told her how wonderful she looked. We hit it off pretty well, she is smart and has a good sence of humor. We talked about our past relationships (she brought it up) but I was just honest and told her I am ready to get back into the dating scene. She was recenly burned by her EX as well, so we just laughed abou it and talked about places we have been and things we want to do in the future. I found out she is a model for some jeans company (dont remember wich one) and she is 23. We went back to her place, and we went in her hot tub and just talked all night. We enden the night with a kiss (NICE!) tasteful and a definate spark (for me at least) was there. She called me today and we are going out on the town this weekend. I have to admit I was prretty intimidated by how pretty she was at first, but I just thought to myself "screw it" and the night went great. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one because she is a wonderful person to talk to and to look at. :cool:

Yaaaaaay! It sounds like a perfect date to me. I am so glad. I know you still think about the other one occasionally, but when you least expect it, like some Jedi mind trick, you'll be filled with memories of this girl, pleasant ones. You'll catch yourself thinking about her laugh and her good sense of humor and of course her Jeans (haha) no one will be able to erase the smile off your face. Don't worry about being intimidated by her, your intelligence and plans on going to med school may make her feel a bit intimidated herself. She doesn't seem to be hung up on her looks or you would have sensed that already. Whether you're Brad Pitt or not, she not only agreed to go out with you but invited you up to her apartment and into her hot tub! So, either you're drop dead gorgeous or looks are not her priority which gets my thumbs up. It's okay that you guys brought up past relationships briefly because it shows that neither of you are hiding anything and you're comfortable enough to talk about it without crying or something nutty like that.

Either way, it sounds like you had an outstanding time. Looks like Santa brought your gift early! Keep in touch! :p

I have been REALLY sick for the last few days, and I found out she has TB. I went to the doctor today, and it looks like I have a good possibility of having it too. YAY! I haven't seen/nor kissed her in about 2 months, so I don't know how this happened. I won't find out for sure until my tests come back on Monday, so PLEASE keep me in your prayers. I will be on here a lot this weekend because my doctor pretty much told me not to be around people until we know what is wrong with me. Crap...

Sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well Jeff and you might have TB.

Here is a website about TB is you want to take a look:

http://www.gocolumbiamo.com/Health/Clinic_and_Nursing/TB/tbtret.html

And TB is curable, so that's always a bit of positive news, if you do find out on Monday that you have it.

Im sorry you aren't well. Tb is curable as cf says. I will pray for you everyday to get over this sickness.

Sorry to hear of your situation. If you do in fact have TB it's fortunate you're finding out now before it gets any worse. If your test is positive follow all of your doctor's instuctions exactly and follow exactly the antibiotic regimen that's prescribed for you. If you're allergic to any antibiotics (penicillin is a common allergy), make sure your doctor knows.

Thanks for the support guys, I just think all of this is funny considering what I have gone through with this girl. HAHAHAHA! This isn't really too much of a surprise...

It is a air borne illness that you get from breathing air in the area where people have TB (and other ways)

You may have gotten it from the same person you wife did months and months ago. You can have it and not even know it for a long time

The health departments in your county should offer low cost test.

Many people in certain jobs are exposed daily, and have to take all sorts of precautions

She wasn't my wife, but I couldn't have gotten it from the same person she did because she was out of the country when she got it.

Oooooooooooooooh Noooooooooo! Hang in there Jeff, I'm praying for you too and your results will turn out okay. Oh wow, am I having a psychic moment here??

That is pretty freaky that you haven't seen whatshername in so long yet you may have the same thing she has. Maybe she kissed a guy who kissed a girl that kissed you?? Naaaaah... Keep your mind busy. I found a great online game (it's supposed to be for kids but I am HOOKED). It's called Chicktionary and you can download the free version from kewlbox.com. It's got these funky chickens that make the cool chicken clucks every times you make a word out of the scrambled letters... it's fun, just don't play late at night or you'll find yourself spelling in your dream.. seriously, I once was up until 2:30, it drove me nuts, oh and it's timed so it puts a little more pressure on you.. feel better!

M3:)

Im so sorry to hear that. Im sure you will be okay. If you do have It, I believe there is a cure for it. Ill defenitly will be thinking about you and keep you in my prayers. Let us know what happens.

YAY!! I got my test results back and they were NEGATIVE!! I just had a really nasty virus according to my doctor, somehting close to mono. I feel almost 100% now. Thanks again for your support guys!

Yayy! That's good new. :D

YAY!!!!! I got my test results back and they were NEGATIVE!!!! I just had a really nasty virus according to my doctor, somehting close to mono. I feel almost 100% now. Thanks again for your support guys!

Don't be so quick to blame others, eh? ;)

YAY!!!!! I got my test results back and they were NEGATIVE!!!! I just had a really nasty virus according to my doctor, somehting close to mono. I feel almost 100% now. Thanks again for your support guys!

Awesome news jeff!! You must feel way better. Congrads.

Don't be so quick to blame others, eh? ;)

Hey, I just put two and two together on this one buddy... take it easy...

That's so wonderful, you must be so relieved.;)

So the EX had been calling me a lot over the past few days, and I never picked up. She left me a message telling me she really needed to talk to me, I just thought BS. She called again, so I picked up and we talked for a bit. She said she was in town and she would like to meet up for luch. I thought about it and agreed. So I go out to luch and we talked for about an hour, then out of the blue she starts crying... ALOT. I just thought to myself, great. She starts telling me how big of a mistake she made and the guy she is engaged to doesn't support her in anyhting she does, and he pretty much expects her to say home and "make babies" for him. At first I got VERY mad, and almost just walked out on her. I collected myself and just told her "look, you put me through hell for the past year of my life. I still care about you alot, and I only want the best for you, but you are not the best for me". I told her I could never love her the way I did before, and she shouldn't marry this guys, but there will be someone else for her that she can be happy with. She started to freak, and just sob. I just sat there (I felt so terrible). I told her that The way she treated me was totally unfair, and I have found someone new that dare I say, Im falling in love with. She said she would do anything to make things right, and I looked down and see this ring on her finger... I started to laugh. I told her that she hadent changed one bit. I said "its just like you to run to someone else when things get tuff, and that why I could never respect you". She just looked at me in shock, she tried to sweet talk me but I wasn't hearing it. I then thanked her for everyhting she taught me about myself and relationships, paid for lunch, and left. I was sooooooo happy when I got in my car because I made my peace and I wasn't mean, rude, or anything. I flet like I could do a backflip! LOL! I made my peace guys!! Im cured!! :D

Well done you! You have done the right thing and what's more important, you have moved on with you life. You have strength, courage and the motivation to do anything you want and to achieve all of your goals in life. It is obvious to me that you are happy with youraself and content with your life, which is half of the battle. You are on the road to finding true happiness and I am really pleased for you. The only way is up :)

That is awesome! You were in total control of yourself and didn't let yourself get sucked in by the tears!
You sound like you are doing really great! I wish you the best!

Hi,
CONGRATULATIONS, Jeff.
Learning about life is what makes it fun. I am 64, and my "hats" off to you. You told her some things without being mad, rude, or insulting. You are off to a very good start with life, and everything enjoyable with it. Best of luck.

I think there are a lot of people that can learn from your example. :)

Jeff - ALL I can say is OUTSATNDING!! You totally figured this chick out!!

You've learned SOOOOOOOOOO much in such a short time. I am prouf of you my man!! And I do mean MAN!! You grown from a maybe (not to be rude), young man - to a real man.

HOW DOES IT FEEL??

AND she freaking shows up with the ring on?? Is she nuts?? I think so.

Two days later she would have said it wouldn't work out. Bottom line is she would have left again.

You got all your power back - sapped all her power away as well.

Ughhh - I hopw she leaves you alone - but, I doubt it - you now are massive challenge in her head.

Not really a good feeling so much. I just feel like I have finally put that ugly past behind me FOR GOOD. I always thought I would crumble at the sight of her, and let her make me weak again. Now that I know she doesn't have that control over me anymore, I feel like I am a free man, and a new man. Its refreshing to know I hold no baggage for my new lady, we hung out today and had the best time. I haven't told her about the meeting with the EX, Im just waiting for the right time to let her know. Thanks for all of your support guys! For all you new people that are going through a hard break up, take me as an example. I was a shell of a man (just read my 1st thread here!) I thought I would never be free. If I can do it, so can you!

I am a free man, and a new man. Its refreshing to know I hold no baggage

That's good to hear, I hope life keeps treating you good...

I always thought I would crumble at the sight of her, and let her make me weak again. Now that I know she doesnt have that control over me anymore, I feel like I am a free man, and a new man. Its refreshing to know I hold no baggage for my new lady, we hung out today and had the best time. For all you new people that are going through a hard break up, take me as an example. I was a shell of a man (just read my 1st thread here!) I thought I would never be free. If I can do it, so can you!

Words of wisdom! Just the knowledge that you didn't "crumble at the sight of her" must be very liberating. :D

That is so sad.

I worry that something like that is going to happen to me with my girl. I would feel terrible even though it was the right thing. Sorry to be a downer but if you feel bad at all, that is what I am almost more afraid of happening than never seeing her again.

The ring is what makes it ALL her fault. I totally feel your right, but at this point I feel for her too. Regardless of if its horrible how she acts, it is still sad.

JC

Jeff, just read your first post ever. Pretty big change. You sounded about how I feel now, except my girl has not said she will definitely come back and does not constantly try to contact me and tell me she thinks we will be together 4-ever.

Yea, you don't feel too bad for her now do you! ;) Kidding, I felt bad for her too, but not enough to put myself through hell again like before. :p

Jeff,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HAHAHAHA! I LOVE IT!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (sorry, I can't contain myself!) Okay, so like I'm totally doing the running man here at my desk and everyone walking by thinks I'm nuts but that's why I have the big office and they don't! I just got out of a late night meeting with some clients, so tense and stressed and I read this and I am sooooooooooooooooooo damn proud of you! Omagosh! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhh!:D :) :D :eek: :eek: :D
Right on! You held together and did what you had to do. I know you have a heart of gold and didn't do it with the sheer intent of crushing her but you showed compassion and maturity and growth beyond belief. Wildcat was right, had you fallen apart with her, she would have dumped your butt and left skid marks. She knows she hurt you and tried to make you vulnerable again but she failed miserably. No stopping you now... good for you~
M.

P.S. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh hahahha!!

Excellent. You did this for yourself. You are now free from the past, you have dealt with it. Good for you. Like every other life experience it is a learning lesson.

Joe

Indeed!! - just think of all the new wonderful adventures awaiting you around the corner ;)

Jc - I think there are something you don't get. You need to know his whole story. It's not sad at all because of the way she treated him.

Jc - I think there are something you don't get. You need to know his whole story. It's not sad at all because of the way she treated him.

I think JC realises that now. It's just he is in a bad place at the mo wildcat.

I know - I missed the last thread - my bad.

I know - I missed the last thread - my bad.

No worries :)

Yeah, I appreciate the happiness. I am personally feeling better. Just yesterday was probably one of the hardest days and it is great to see happy people coming out of my own situation. Good Luck.

Rock out with your clock out Jeff.

I am glad you are feeling better JC. Never give up, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. We have all been in your situation and come out the other side, stronger, wiser and happier. I know now I can cope with anything thrown at me. A year or so ago I couldn't cope with anything.

So keep your chin up. We are all here if you ever need to get anything off your chest ;)

Sweet! Good for you. We are all very happy for you. Congrats. LMF

Yeah DJ. I never thought I would come to the internet for answers to questions like these. But being able to say what I feel and have people understand is great. I can tell I will feel better soon. Like waves of clarity come over me, but I still at some points feel that I lost a good friend more than a girlfriend which is what really makes me a little sad. Its so weird to feel OK when I type clarity then by the time I hit the last word in the sentence I feel broken up again.

Crazy, eitherway I am asking out a girl I worked with a couple of weeks ago. Student teacher from a college by me. What's the worst that will happen?

JC

Yeah DJ. I never thought I would come to the internet for answers to questions like these. But being able to say what I feel and have people understand is great. I can tell I will feel better soon. Like waves of clarity come over me, but I still at some points feel that I lost a good friend more than a gf which is what really makes me a little sad. Its so wierd to feel ok when I type clarity then by the time I hit the last word in the sentence I feel broken up again.

Crazy, eitherway I am asking out a girl I worked with a couple of weeks ago. Student teacher from a college by me. Whats the worst that will happen?

JC

You will feel up and down for a while, but soon enough it will pass. You just have to remember the good times that you have and taking it all as a learning curve. The fact that you are asking a girl out is great. Another step in the right direction.

Try to think of the getting over period in terms of stairs. You are taking one step at a time to reach the top of the stairs. Once you have reached the top you will find a door - soon enough you will walk through that door and Close it, then lock it, leaving everything behind you and enabling you to walk/move forward.

You are on your way - so well done!

Great way to look at it.

But...

As I always say - Heartache is avoidable!! Always.

You need to learn to have barriers - you can't let some one cross those barriers until they pass tests. You need to slowly develop the raltionship - anyone who rushes it WILL crash and burn and have heartache.

Heartache happens WHEN you put too much importance into someone. You make them your life... which is wrong. Your lover is PART of your life NEVER your life. They are an equal part of: Work, school, friends, family, religion, hobbies, WORKOUTS, etc.

Guys have heartache WHEN they put a women on a pedestal - women never deserve to be on a pedestal. They don't want this - too much pressure. Your lover should earn the right to be your equal - and this takes TIME. Even when they are your equal, there is always they chance they will leave - and when you make them your world - heartache.

Always keep busy with other thinsg in life. Always. And, early on - date others - you have to.

I just lost my whole post by hitting the wrong button on my laptop...

Summary -

I never put my girlfriend on a pedestal, promise wildcat. I treated her like crap a lot of the time. I never gave her much to stay for, but that is because she threw herself at me in the beginning and I had no respect for her.

Personally I never NEEDED her. Not financially or for any reason, she was just always with me. She followed me to NYC and back upstate all without me asking.

She loved me then, and I could never tell her to go. Now I know I love her and she has left. So conlusion, NO PEDESTAL! For god sakes and the reason why I am broken up is because I was in love with her and she was my best friend. I have to look for a new person to fill a void that has always been filled.

I feel this way about her not because I put her on a pedestal but because of what we've been through and who she is to me. So in a way I guess you can say she was a large part of my life but not in a day to day sense but in a rest of my life kind of way. The person I knew I would love on my deathbed. That kind of love, and maybe that scared her away also because she knew she had me now...

Life's a b**** and then you die. Good luck and good bye.

BAH! I went out with this girls best friend last night to catch up (she is also a good friend of mine). And she tells me that the gal Im talking to is also talking with her EX! She almost married this guy before she moved. Now, I really like this girl a lot, but Im not an idiot. I want to bring it up to her, but I don't want to get her friend in trouble for telling me, and Im not sure if its even my place to do so. I am just a REALLY up front person, and like to have everything on the table. LOL!! What the heck am I doing to myself! I think I like projects or something. Should I take a step back and let her figure out what the heck is going on, or walk and not look back?:confused:

Talking to ex.

Well, sure that could mean she's still into him, or that could mean they're friends, or that could mean the friend gave you a little test or nothing or??

If it makes you feel better bring up the idea of her ex casually... you can ask her something about that prior relationship and steer it toward is she still talking to him.

Or you can just be blunt about it and say you heard blah blah blah...

You're not comfortable with it, so if she's not comfortable with you being upset, then maybe alls not perfect.

I guess I'm biased cause I dated a girl for a long time (6 yrs) and was friends w her after until her new guy told her he was not comfortable with that.

It cost us a friendship... long after the guy was gone.

So you don't have to be happy about it, but don't freak cause she talks to the man. Unless you have reason to believe otherwise she's not necess playing you. If it bugs you that much then just ask her.

Well, pretty much what her friend told me "talking" means she is playing with the idea of getting back with him. Im not going to freak out about it, I just like things put on the table. I think I am just going to back off for a bit and let her go from here. I have pretty much done all I can from this point... meh.

Jeff,hope you don't get worked up because a girl you like is talking to her ex. It is her business and you have no real right to question her on it and why should you care? Just do your thing and be your confident self and don't worry about the competition. You of all people know what happens when we overreact and start to get needy and whinny about things that we perceive as a threat to a relationship. Be cool and pay attention before you become possessive and insecure. Remember you can't control how others feel about you so go slow and keep your eyes open and deal with this situation maturely.:cool:

Well, pretty much what her friend told me "talking" means she is playing with the idea of getting back with him. Im not going to freak out about it, i just like things put on the table. I think I am just going to back off for a bit and let her go from here. I have pretty much done all I can from this point.........meh.

OK this is different than your question. Talking and talking with possible intentions of getting back together are different.

Guess you still don't know if she had the friend tell you this or whether the friend was looking out for you or whether the friend was out to mess up your relationship...

Id not get panicky... it is what it is... but you're going to need to know one way or the other so sit back and see or work it into a conversation.

Hi, Jeff,
I think it's good just to back off some, see what happens, as you said.
You will get her best friend in trouble if you bring it up.
There is a chance she and her ex are still just "good friends", also a chance she wants him back. Never know.
Hang in there, and best of luck.

I talk to my ex every week or so, after a period of her being that stupid ******** we understand we shared a lot of time together and have some common interests ( friends) now for a while she contacted me a lot, using all those "button" to try to control me or just make me unhappy one way or antoher. ( ex's are real good at that and seem to enjoy it)

You can't be afraid of an ex, anymore than the new guy at that bar, each of us will have friends and people we talk to that is not known to each other.
The fact you know must mean she is not keep ing it a secret.

Also you are just "talking" even if you are dating, have people not heard that dating does not mean engaged, people unless they are committing to each other are free to date others is they wish. One date ( and does not even sound like a real date) does not a commitment make.

I don't think it's a big deal - they are an ex for a reason - it was broke. It wasn't fixable.

Jeff - what do I Always say - YOU CAN'T WORRY ABOUT OTHER GUYS. Especially early on (first 6 to 9 months). There will ALWAYS be other guys IF she is a great gal. You can't worry about them. If you are secure - you don't care... worrying about other guys is insecure and needy - a huge turn off and she will leave. No question.

Don't bring it up - I ACTUALLY THINK IT'S HER FRIEND CAUSING TROUBLE. There A LOT friends of girls that will do ANYTHING to break up there friends relationships. Her friend should have never brought it up because it really isn't an issue until you are very exclusive. Women, for the most part, are jealous of their friends relationships. MANY women actually don't want to see their friends happy - they also HATE that you might take time away from 'their' friendship time.

Thanks guys. I think I am just going to leave this one alone. Im not really worried about this other guy, and if they do get back together, I will just find another gal. I guess the reason they broke up was because she was tranfered in her job to another state. This guy STILL lives pretty far away from her, and so do I. I don't really want to get into a LDR anyway. I think I will just keep things as friends until or if she comes back.

Long Distance is really hard. Sometimes you maight not hear from that person for a week or two. It takes a lot of work, no question.

I would advise reading all the free articles at www.lovetactics.com.

Yes, I agree with the above advise. Try not to think about the other guy's. Don't put that in the relationship/friendship you have. Let it go and let time take care. Good luck.

It sounds like you're not very happy with this arrangement and rightly so. I wouldn't bother confronting her about it ; you know the truth, courtesy of her best friend and that's what's important. Just click your heels and walk away without any fanfare or explanation.

Confronting her will only bring bad - look for her signals when you talk with her. See if she is still interested. Keep her in the game - she's allowed to see other guys.

The only time you'd bring it up is if you thought you were exclusive.