I'm 15 and pregnant. The father is only 13. My mother and his mother want us to give the baby up for adoption. My mother saids that she does not want the baby in her home. I intentionally got pregnant because I wanted a baby. Now she doesn't want me to keep it. Can she make me give it up or will the law force her to let us stay in her home.

While I agree with your Mom, she can't MAKE you give it up. She can make your life he11 until you decide to give it up, but you are the one who has to sign the papers, not her.

Why in the world did you think that you should have a baby at your age? How are you going to afford it? Do you even know the risks of teenage pregnancy? Nah, of course you don't.

How will you afford the NICU bill should the baby be born prematurely or with other health issues? How will you buy diapers, formula, clothes, baby food?

Wanting a baby and raising a child are 2 totally different animals.

There is another factor in this. You could be arrested and prosecuted for statutory rape. In which case your baby will probably be taken away from you.

And frankly, I think that's best thing that can happen. You are clearly not mature enough to raise a child when you are only a child yourself.

Its true that your mother can't MAKE you sign your baby away. However, she will be one of the only people in the world who will be there to support you since you won't be able to do this alone or with another child who's only 13. It may be very hard, but if you want to be the best mother for this child you have to start thinking of the baby instead of yourself. Have a long talk with mom and consider your options. Its never easy, but adoption may be best. With adoptions, parents have to prove they can provide a good home--which your child deserves. I'm sorry, but without the support of your mothers, you won't be able to do this. Its time to think about what baby needs, not about what you want.

I wish you the best. Unfortunately you have a very tough life ahead of you.

Ok PEOPLE OR SO CALLED PEOPLE!! She is 15 and just found out she is pregnant she don't need you ridding her but she has got that from her mother and probbly others try some compastion for god sakes!. My dear you are very young to have a child but where there is a will there is a way I too was very young when I had my first child and my mom was telling me I should give my child up but I decied to tell her that I was leaving and made my own way... I am now a pround mother of soon to be 4 kids and have made a great living for myself but not to joke its hard you have to bust your butt and things were tight for a long time but I worked thought it and came out on top now I live across the street from my mother she still don't help me but we do talk and we do have visits but I can honestly say I did it!! As for the fauther scottgem is right you could be in trouble for that but you are both under age and can not be put in jail but you can be severely punished they probbly won't take the baby but will send you through several child classes and C.A.S will be involved but do what they ask except give babe up unless you want to.. and they will help you and to all who are being rude and judgemental get a grip like you have never did something you shouldn't have in your life!! And darling ignore people like that you don't need the stress!! And I hope things work out for you and think this through you are very young and have a big resonsibility ahead for your young shoulders you must grow up fast and know where you want to be in a couple years and what ever you do do not give up school it will be your best friend later in life.. my last question where do you live? Only give the country nothing else as other people can be freeks I was wondering as to what maye be avalible to you to help you out.

Ok PEOPLE OR SO CALLED PEOPLE!!!! she is 15 and just found out she is preg ....scottgem is right you could be in trouble for that but you are both under age and can not be put in jail ...to all who are being rude and judgemental get a grip like you have never did something you shouldn't have in your life!!!

Sorry Connie, but this is a 15 yr old girl who deliberately seduced a 13 year old boy (yes I know it probably didn't take much seducing) to get herself pregnant out of some romatic notion of what it would be like to be a mother. I don't speak for the others but I think she deserves to be told how immature and selfish and just plain dumb she has been.

And they may not put her in jail or they may. At the least she may be placed in a juvenile facility until she is 18 or 21 and who will care for the kid then? So yes, if she is convicted of statutory rape and sentenced to a facility there is a strong likelihood the baby will be taken away (as I hope it will).

I'm glad you managed to build a life for yourself, but you are the exception not the rule.

I do actually agree with your mom.

And as for connie-mom, they weren't being hatefull or anything, they were just telling her the truth. Sometimes it is hard to hear, but they were telling the honest truth.

Tonvwill, I hope you live in a country that has free health care, because I couldn't imagine how much it is to deliver a child in a country that doesn't. And after the child is born all of the expenses! Do you have any idea of how much it costs to raise a child?! Yet again, the tax payers of your country will probably pay for this one too.

Your right she is 15 but we expect so much from young children as the new generation what do we expect them to do... and if she is to dumb to raise a child then how does she know how to seduce a 13 year old boy like come on get a grip are you telling me you never had a one night stand? And if you did did you use protection all the time and if not how meny children could you have out there you didn't know about how about abandinment how about you go to jail for things you have done... I am not the exception I was just a young girl having sex not knowing what the concequences were till it was to late!! And how do you not know he was not to instagater!! How do you know she is not saying shw wants kids because she is now pregnant please you don't sound stupid so don't act stupid get facts before you judge it can make a difference in your life and hers how do you know she don't get so depressed she don't try to kill her self or child like get a grip she needs help not critsisim so stop being a jerk and help the poor girl I am sure we have things we all look back and go holy crap what was I thinking!! Try some compassion not blood!!

And dear child don't be ashamed of using hand me downs learn to sew stich and knit it can save you bundles and sorry the government probbly won't help you sorry for the blow but you are to young to get government help

As for mjl where do you see these so called people being nice? And as for tax payers I would give my life to another in need of help try not being greedy try giving something to another it could brighten up your day!! And as for the government helping her she would have to go to a foster home and they would have to help her just like all the other children forgotten or neglected by retarted adults who say "i can't do this so here you go take my kid" I know some parents have a very good reason to give up their child and I do agree with them but to ask a person who can rasie a child to give it up wow what a world I live in I feel sorry for my kids having to grow in a worl where people put money before a life!! I just pray my daughters never meet people like you!!

First of all I didn't call her stupid.

I think you have some issues if your assuming all those things like she is depressed and going to kill herself... where did you read that in her post??

And for the rest of I don't even know what you are talking about. Maybe try some better spelling and grammar, and then I'll get back to you on that.

And why are you being so critical? You abviously have something's to work out if you are taking effence to something that's not even directed at you.

You obiviously have an issue with hearing the truth about teenage pregnancy if you think that a 15 year old getting pregnant on purpose is the cool thing to do.

First I didn't say stupid try reading what is said not what you want to read and I said what if she try to kill her self and the child I din't say she was depressed and is going to try to kill her self and child!! Read what is said.. and yes I do take effence to people attacking a little girl who has asked for help and if you read you will se I said there are other ways of say things with out sounding judgemental but still get your point across and never did I say its cool if a little girls gets pregnant but things happen and you can deal with it or act like it never happened I would rather be suportive then say things like you should go to jail or have your child taken away and if you read I was a young mother so yha I do take affence to people putting down those less fourtunite.. and as for spelling wow so I spell bad try something else to pick on me for, I am a growen up and don't need to revert to childish behaveiour.

Why can't you understand that they weren't attacking her. They were telling her the truth. It's unfortunate that you dissagree.

You are too hard to have a conversation with, so good bye, I will not respond anymore.

OK thanks

Wow, I don't remember anyone calling her dumb, except you Connie.

And Scott, you spoke very well for me thank you. I wish I could return the favor.

I would have much more compassion for a girl who found out she was pregnant accidentally than on purpose, as is the case here.

I work in Labor & delivery (all semester) and have seen the devastating effects of young pregnant teens.

PIH (pregnancy induced hypertesion)
CPD (cephalopelvic disproportion)
Preeclampsia
Eclampsia

And the list goes on. Many of these babies can be permanently damaged by the pregnancy and birth process. A 15 year old girl is not able to deal with the permanent disabilities of Erbs Palsy for instance.

This girl delibirately seduced a 13 year old for heavens sake. I guess you don't think it a problem if your 13 year old is a father in 6th or 7th grade, do you?

As Scott said, she may or may not go to jail, but she does have the possibility of being labeled as a sex offender for the rest of her life.

First never called anyone dumb or stupid!!

And yes I do agree being young can cause real problems in the pregnancy and in delivery but how do you know she is the one who seduced it could have been him... and how do you know she wanted this baby before she got pregnant some children saythings to make a point... and if she was to give up the child she is still going to have to go through the pregnancy and delivery so why not give her the cahnce to be a mother if she can't do it then yes she should give the child up but if she has come for help why hinder her by saying mean things with out the full story? If my daughter was 15 and pregnant of course I would freek!! But I would also support her in her dession.. we buy little baby dolls and baby things for our children to play with but expect them to not want children till they are ready? What are we trying to say learn to look after a baby but don't have one? They have toy babies that pee and eat and cry really what is that saying when we but it for our kids? And why blame the child how do youknow that the parents did what they should have to provent this from happing? With out the full story why judge why not give her advise like

Being young theitr could be complication like this this and this or because you are 15 and he is 13 you could be in trouble with the law or being young and your body not ready to have a child you could have this this or this happen that is a nice way of say what you would like to say not to hurt her feelings or sound like a complete jerk as I said there are always was of saying things with out being mean and doit in a way so a 15 year old gets the message you are trying to say not getting you bad bla bla bla she needs help in understanding her situation not what you think should happen to her and the child.. that is not your choice its hers she has to know what she could be infor before she makes any dession try telling her the complication and explain them to her explain what could happen during delivery if you know so much explain it in lamens terms so she knows if she is to young to have a child she is to young to know the full extent of what might happen so tell her help her understand why you have said what you did explain to her the procedure of what might happen and what might happen to the child if she goes thorough with this... That si what she needs to hear not your bad you seduce another child you might go to jail you might loose the child tell her medical stuff to help her understand what might happen to her and child to get your point across people will tell her till they are blu in the face and it won't make a defference BTU to explain some things to her she might make a good dession

. I don't speak for the others but I think she deserves to be told how immature and selfish and just plain dumb she has been.

And they may not put her in jail or they may. At the least she may be placed in a juvenile facility until she is 18 or 21 and who will care for the kid then? So yes, if she is convicted of statutory rape and sentenced to a facility there is a strong likelihood the baby will be taken away (as I hope it will).

I'm glad you managed to build a life for yourself, but you are the exception not the rule.
I believe this is you calling someone dumb!! Not me what I said was if she is dumb then how can she seduce onther person?

and if she is to dumb to raise a child

Basically those were your words.

She was irresponsible in getting pregnant. By a 13 year old no less. She manipulated him so that she could have a baby, because she WANTS one.

Gimme a break Connie, she wanted a baby, but most likely does not know what all having a child entails.

You are new here... we see girls who want a baby for many reasons...

Love cause they think the baby will love them... heck a baby doesn't know what love is, they do know however where their food comes from...

Cause they're so cute... heck babies aren't cute when they weigh 1 1/2 pounds and are in the NICU for 4 months ringing up a bill close to a million dollars

Cause it'll make my boyfriend stay with me... in all actuality, most partners don't stay together for the duration of the pregnancy.

The mother in this case is right wanting to give the baby up for adoption for many reasons...

She may not be able to afford to raise this child. How is a 15 year old and a 13 year old going to get jobs, go to school, and afford to raise a child.

The mother may be trying to protect her child from being labeled as a child molester.

And there may be other reasons behind this. From being a 43 year old mother and a nurse myself, I have seen this frequently. I have also learned a lot from being here on this website.

These 2 children are not able to raise a child as they are children themselves.

how do you know she is the one who seduced it could have been him...and how do you know she wanted this baby before she got preg some children saythings to make a point....


I intentionally got pregnant because I wanted a baby.

Need I say more?

And, yes Connie, your posts are very hard to read. Could you please use some punctuation and paragraphs? Spell check works really well too.

So explain that tell her your experance if you want her to see the big picture you have to paint it!! Just telling her she is wrong and she is silly for doing what she did is not going to get the point across tell her what you have seen as a nurse go into details paint a picture for her so she knows what she is doing and might have to do because this or that reason... and right I did say if IF!! She is to dumb which is what scottgem said then how can she seduce some one? But neither here or there she needs to be told the truth yes but explain it tell her the complications and what might happened after, HELP HER!!

Poor child, I feal so sorry for you. I don't think that you are dumb or stupid I do believe that you weren't ever told how devastating this could be to your life. When we are young we think we know how everything will turn out, but that is often not the case. I hope that you are up to this task, because this is going to be a very hard road. I believe that if you are strong enough though that you will make it threw this. You should know right now that you HAVE to finish school, I know atm it doesn't seam like you do but if you don't you will be beyond poor for the rest of your life. Also your baby will not get the things he/she needs. You should look into all of the gov. help you can get. There are several programs out there that can help you. I sugest that if you live in the US to go to planned parenthood, but I would leave out the on purpose part just for your sake. You and the boy will probably be questioned by CPS. But you must stand your ground. I don't have any children, but I have family that has dealt with them. You must remember that this is a long struggle and if you want to win than you will have to fight for every inch. I am courious about how the boy feals about all this and how his parents are takeing the news. Maybe they will help you. I would also suguest you find parenting classes and maybe a psyciritrist. Also remember that this decision means that for the rest of your life your "I wants" are gone because it's not "The baby needs". I think if you can hold strong that you can accomplish this. Oh also if you live in the US try to get into a program called " The Good Health Card" it use to be called the gold card. It's a discount program for low income families.

I wish you the best of luck with this its going to be a hard life. At 15 I was still intrested in barbies. But I understand why you did it, You did it for someone to love and someone to love you. That doesn't mean that that was a good reason or a right one, but it was probably your reason.

Sorry I have a child on my lap kind of hard to type excuse me if I do not add puntuations or spell right my bad.. even if she said that she already knows she is pregnant right.. is she were to say yha I had sex got pregnant I want to keep the baby what would be the response there who knows and she might be saying she wanted the baby to make a point even if it was an opps she wants to keep baby because she don't know the full extent of what she is in for... she is no doctor neither am I so neither of could tell you want happens to young parents but you could you could explain it to her just so she knows what might happen

Ps: I think your mother is not thinking this threw, this is her grandchild. Weather she is ready to have one or not it is her grandchild.

Poor child, I feal so sorry for you. I don't think that you are dumb or stupid I do believe that you weren't ever told how devistating this could be to your life. When we are young we think we know how everything will turn out, but that is often not the case. I hope that you are up to this task, because this is going to be a very hard road. I believe that if you are strong enough though that you will make it threw this. You should know right now that you HAVE to finish school, I know atm it doesn't seam like you do but if you don't you will be beyond poor for the rest of your life. Also your baby will not get the things he/she needs. You should look into all of the gov. help you can get. There are several programs out there that can help you. I sugest that if you live in the US to go to planned parenthood, but I would leave out the on purpose part just for your sake. You and the boy will probably be questioned by CPS. But you must stand your ground. I don't have any children, but I have family that has dealt with them. You must remember that this is a long struggle and if you want to win than you will have to fight for every inch. I am courious about how the boy feals about all this and how his parents are takeing the news. Maybe they will help you. I would also suguest you find parenting classes and maybe a psyciritrist. Also remember that this desision means that for the rest of your life your "I wants" are gone because it's not "The baby needs". I think if you can hold strong that you can acomplish this. Oh also if you live in the US try to get into a program called " The Good Health Card" it use to be called the gold card. It's a discount program for low income families.

I wish you the best of luck with this its going to be a hard life. At 15 I was still intrested in barbies. But I understand why you did it, You did it for someone to love and someone to love you. That doesn't mean that that was a good reason or a right one, but it was probably your reason.


Well put and I am glad others are here to support her thank you god bless
And I agree it is her grand child I would be mad but be suportive and love my grand child with all my heart.

It's all going mad with this post. But the end of the story is she is pregnant. I think its to late to ask why she wanted it and did she suduce a young boy or not.
TONVWILL is there any local place you could go, all call to talk about the options you have?
I really think you need some advice from pepole that deal with this all the time.
Leti

At 15 with a 13 year old father I am not sure your parents are not right,

You need counseling first to find the issues in your life that made you believe having a baby at 15 and having sex with someone 13 was a good idea to start with.

Also with a two year age difference you could even be in trouble and your parents with family and children services. But it is possible that you and your baby could be taken into custody by family and children services,and the baby taken away by them for the welfare of the baby.

and if she is to dumb to raise a child then how does she know how to seduce a 13 year old boy like come on get a grip are you telling me you never had a one night stand? ... I am not the exception I was just a young girl having sex not knowing what the concequences were till it was to late!!! and how do you not know he was not to instagater!!!! how do you know she is not saying shw wants kids because she is now preg please you don't sound stupid so don't act stupid get facts befor you judge

Try reading what she said; "I intentionally got pregnant because I wanted a baby." Do you think its smart to get yourself pregnant at 15?

Yes you are the exception. Most teenage parents wind up in a cycle of poverty and their kids grow up with problems. I'm not saying they can't succeed, but the odds are against it.

I can only judge based on what she told us.

I don't know where you are from, but look and see if there is a home for unwed mothers in your area. When I got pregnant with my son (19 years ago) I was unmarried, alone, no job, and practically homeless. I went to the welfare department, got ADC/Food Stamps and asked if there was such a place to help unwed young mothers. I was living in Ohio at the time, and I found one in Findlay. It basically is a home, that takes in pregnant women (any age), they set you up with a doctor, ride to and from appointments, assign you a counselor, and have group therapy. It is something to check into. It helped me! They will also help you with adoption or if you're keeping your baby.

Please look for help kiddo. A mother's love is unconditional. When she realizes you need her right now, she'll come around to her senses.

I wish you and your baby the best of luck kiddo!

Tonvwill, consider an open adoption, that way you could possibly keep in contact with the baby. Without the support of his family or your family you have so little options.
I just am wondering are your parents responsible for the baby since you are under aged.
Is It their choice to give it up.
Will you be considered an adult when you have this baby and be responsible for it.
Right now the boy or his parents bear no responsibilities since paternity can not be established.
Could the boy and his parents stop an adoption.
Can the state declare you unfit and make you a ward of the state and take the baby.
All I can say, you need some serious help, try calling a planned parenthood counselor or A children's hospital and speak to a counselor. They may know the laws in your area regarding such matters.

I've been reading all these posts to this CHILD. Where in the world is people's humanitarianism?? Who said anything about she seduced HIM?? Maybe it's the other way around! All she said was that she is 15 and the father is 13. Were is the seducing part?? And another thing, BOTH family's could press rape charges on the other. Then again, who said it was rape?? Maybe it was consentual (sp). That child came on here and asked for some type of a parental advice. Yes, she needs to be told about what could lay ahead, but people... have some kind of heart!

I have a friend who's 15 year old daughter got pregnant by some boy she met at a party. The mother wanted her to give the baby up for adoption, the girl wanted to keep the baby. She kept it, didn't want to have to take care of it all the time, so the child became the grandmother's responsibility.
And what does this girl do? Two years later, she is pregnant again, different guy.
I'm all for showing kids understanding, but these young kids need to know they are bringing another human being in the world that has to be cared for and raised. You don't have babies at 15 just because you want one and the government should not have to take care of them. Kids need to be told they are wrong when they do something wrong that has dire consequence.
I fell sorry for this young lady because she has no clue what she's gotten herself into, and the boy, I don't know what he must be thinking.
Someone is going to have to raise that child, her mother will probably end up doing it. I just hope she isn't understood and coddled so much that she'll see no problem with getting another baby in a couple of years.

I've been reading all these posts to this CHILD. Where in the world is people's humanitarianism?????? Who said anything about she seduced HIM??? Maybe it's the other way around!! All she said was that she is 15 and the father is 13. Were is the seducing part??? And another thing, BOTH family's could press rape charges on the other. Then again, who said it was rape??? Maybe it was consentual (sp). That child came on here and asked for some type of a parental advice. Yes, she needs to be told about what could lay ahead, but people.... have some kind of heart!

Excuse me, but a 15 yr old girl who has sex with a 13 yr old boy and makes the statement; "I intentionally got pregnant because I wanted a baby.", that spells seduction to me. I said it was rape, specifically statutory rape. The father is underage, the girl is older, that makes it statutory rape.

I do have a heart. I feel for the poor baby that will result from this ill conceived idea. But I have little compassion for an immature child who would corrupt a 13 yr old to become pregnant under these circumstances.

Yha know what she is 15 she is pregnant and she needs help she also needs to hear actual facts not you seduced or didn't seduce the boy or the baby is having a baby or baby will be taken away by child services!! Lest get a grip! We all have different ideaon this lets not send out the wrong message here she needs to be told the truth but in a nice way she needs to have things explain where a very scared very confused 15 year old gilr can understand it!! We can trow things back and forth at each other but it won't help or change the fact she is pregnant and she is going to have this baby and she has a very big dession to make... but how on gods green earth can she do that is she don't know the meddical facts of what could happen to her or the baby she probbly don't know of any help places in her area and she probbly don't even know where to start on getting this done... being adults some with compation some with out on this subjet need to kep in mind its help she asked for not critisium so put cruel comments aside for one sec and send her all the medical help she could use and any info about your area and things she could look for to help her work through this big dession... and for all those who say a 15 year old don't know what to do with a baby well I hate to burst your bubble but even a 20-40 year old first mother is scared and doesn't know what to do with a new child and most children that go into care are not from young mothers but drug addicted mother who get pregnant and can't look after their child look up the info it will make you head spin I know it did for me!!

And dear child look for help... ask question and find a qiuet place to think things through in the end its your child.. I know when I found out I was pregnant I was so scared my mom was like yours but I did descide to keep my child who is now over 6 years old and it was hard and I know I sufferd through long nights by myself and a lot of hard ship money troubles and yes I asked the government for help and got on OW (ontario works) when I was old enough but I worked my butt off to get my schooling and have a job and make a life for me and my child.. if you are prepared to work harder then you ever have in you short life and spend sleepless nights up with babe and then going to school then go fot it!! if deep in your heart you know you can do it be strong hold your head high... and never let anyone tell you different.. but do listen to the nice advise and if no one on here can help you with meddical info go do some research on your own make yourself prepared for what ever may come your way... other then that always believe in yourself you may to some have made a mistake.. and to others a bad judgement.. but only you can figure out what you think of this situation and only you know what you want to do so go forward be brave and good luck.. my hopes are with you... and just a word once you reach rock bottom the only way is up!!

Oh and to those who will freek about my typing I have three kids to deal with and I am on here to help out this girl not to get graded on my spelling... and to make a point I got a 5.0 and past an I.Q test with a 195 I don't like to have to prove myself but some on here care more about speling puctuation and grammar then helping out others.

Its not the fact that we care more about your spelling and grammar than this girl, that's not it at all. It's just a little hard to understand what you are trying to get across.

I understand what you are saying and I'm sure this young lady is thankful for your support.
I think the problem a lot of people have, is there are just way too many teens getting pregnant on purpose without a clue to what they are getting in to. They just want a baby. They get government help, told it's OK and many of them go on to have another baby.
While they need to be understood, they also need to know what they are doing is irresponsible and selfish. (I'm speaking of the ones that do it on purpose) These young ladies need to know that if they decide to get pregnant on purpose, they need to have the facts before hand.
Her concern was not what is available to help her get through this, she wanted to know if her mother could make her give up this baby she got pregnant with on purpose.
I'm thinking, if you think your grown enough to do this, show me how grown you are by having that figured out before hand. At least have some concept of what you're going to need to care for this child and have a way to do it.
This is one reason teenagers have no business making babies. They do it with very little thought, then want others to uphold their decision and lend them a hand.
My advice to her would be to be prepared to lose her teen years. Once this baby is here, the baby is her priority, her responsibility. And then I wish her the best.

lilred40 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/lilred40.html) disagrees: Did she state that she intentionally wanted to get pregnant by that 13 year old boy? No. She stated she intentionally wanted to get prengant. Unfortunately, it happened to be him. What if the boy was 17 instead of 13? Would your views be any differ?

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

She had sex with a 13 yr old boy to get herself pregnant. That's the key point. My views would differ if she hadn't preyed on a 13 yr old, but not appreciably. The key is that she deliberately went about getting pregnant.

To Connie,
We ARE telling her the facts. There is a strong likelihood that she committed statutory rape. There is a goood possibility that she may be prosecuted for it.

Remember she didn't ask about health issues or support. Her question was whether the baby could be taken away from her. That's the question that I was answering.

I believe that it is both posiable that she could lose it or she could keep it a lot depends on who her social worker is. If she has the determination then a social worker may send her to a unwed mothers home (which in my opinion might be the best since her mom isn't any help) or they might just take the baby away all together. I feal so sorry for this girl she has compleetly ruined her teen years and quite posiably the rest of her life if things go a certain way. But I also know of several girls that at 15 got to keep their babies. Some of them had them taken away years after because of neglect or other things, but there are just as many who didn't have them taken away it all depends on what type of mother they turn out to be. I don't wish to say that I think it is write for children to have babies, but if you think about it it wasn't all that many years ago that parents married off their girls at 15 and 16. Was it right, no it should have been the girls wishes but they had no say so in it. I think that everyone is going a little overboard with all the crazyness and are not sticking to the topic. Yes the question was could her mother make her give it up, but I think that she should be given a more indept answer. I think maybe she needs to decide if she is strong enough to do this and is this a right decision for her. I have to agree she shouldn't have done this because ultimatly she has ruined the life she would have had, but then she could make it into a good life. Now it all depends on her. If she would like some help finding resources I will be glad to look up what I can, the internet is a vast wealth of knowledge. I so far haven't came across the info for her original question but I'm batteling the flu and a migraine so I can't sit here that long.

PS: my spelling is horiable but the spell checker keeps comeing up with weird words so I gave up on it lol.

And yes there are to many young girls having children these days but what I want to know is where are their parents? No spanking and putting rules down means wild children. Its sad, when I have children you better believe they will have rules and spankings and they will not be alone with boys... silly parents.

Okay, first off... I had to skip so many of your post because it is making me cross-eyed. An occasional misspelling is one thing, complete destruction of the written english language is another. At least try! Being new to the site... I would suggest you make friends before enemies.

Secondly, Has any else here thought... The mother wasn't there to teach her daughter right from wrong (having sex at 15!? ), then how would you expect her to be there to raise her daughters child (when she can't raise her own)?

Connie-Mom: You asked if anyone has had a one-night stand? Yes when I was 20 something and paying my own way... no child should be having sex at 15! Sex is for adults!! Because you need to be an adult to deal with the consequences. I also agree this shouldn't be a bash session, but in my opinion... you started it. Father Chuck may have been a little blunt (he is know for that), but most of his advise is dead on! (Research for yourself).

I would never give my child up for adoption, but I am/was also obviously a lot more responsible than the OP. She can not feed the child, clothe the child, diaper the child or teach the child (she has a lot to learn herself). Hell, my 2yo can hold a child... there is more (as you all know) to raising a child.

All that being said... tonvwill: You have made a mistake, time to make the best of your decisions. If your mom is not willing to help, do you have other family that would be willing to help you? An Aunt willing to take both (you and your new baby) of you in? Where is your dad? I don't think you are a bad person, or necessarily would be a bad mom... you just haven't been taught right. That, my dear, is not your fault.
The only thing you can do now is raise your head, your sights and your standards. Get to working on plan B, but looks like with no help Plan A (adoption) will have to work for you (it's what is best for the baby). Try maybe looking into a private adoption, where you would still have contact with your child.

Either way... good luck to you and your family. Keep us updated.

Tonvwill I don't think it was such a good idea to get pregnant at such a young age. If you choose to keep the child you will soon learn how hard and expensive it is for anybody of any age, let alone 15. I wish you the best.

connie-mom:
Grown up women use spell checkers when communicating. At least that would set a good example for those kids that you have, or how do you expect to help them with their homework?

IMO, this sounds more like a pissing contest than assistance. If you are upset about what we have to say, don't use someone else's post to do so.

The main issue here is that this young lady took it upon herself to USE a boy to get pregnant for her own selfish reasons, and now she wants us to give her hints on how to continue to be selfish and have it all her way, either legally or socially. She sounds like a clever little thing to me, and I'm sure she will do just fine without you getting on a soap-box for her.

I read this post the first time she posted it.. and waited until now because my initial spontaneous answer would have been a lot worse than what Scott, mjl, and others have issued so far.

And, J_9, as a professional in this medical field has also kept her cool, and is right in telling this young lady the consequences of not just seducing a young child, but the complications of her gestation and delivery. Not to mention the financial issues coming her way.

But, as I said before, these are things she probably has thought out, or she would not have asked us for hints on how to get her mother coerced into putting up with a situation she does not agree with.

This 15 year old is not as sensitive as you claim - and getting a message through with kit-gloves to her is not going to do a darned thing. She made her plans and she is going to go through with them one way or another, with or without your help.

I wonder what you would do if this was one of your daughters... I certainly hope that you teach them more love and respect and legalities than what this young lady has learned so far.

You're right, Scottgem did say she was selfish, immature, and dumb... I agree with selfish and immature to a point, but not dumb. She is calculating and knows just exactly where she is coming from, but probably not where she is going - at least it's not where she wants to go.. because she wants her cake now! And wants to eat it too. So, do you now see where she's coming from?

IMO she wanted to get PG, and the older guys just did not want that kind of trouble, so she picked on a younger one who does not even know the extent of trouble he is going to have in the future - and she's the one that did it all to him. One minute of great sex for a 13 year old is going to cost him a lot of emotional turmoil, probably scar him to the point where he will not trust another girl easily and I am certain he feels totally used. If you want to get on a soap-box for someone - he's more deserving, in my opinion.

If she gets her way and her mom has to accept all three of them, how do you think he will feel knowing he's not really wanted there? How will he grow up knowing he's been used and rejected and forced to join a new family without really given a choice?

So, let's get real and look at the entire picture. I feel sorry for the boy and the baby and hope that her mom will not take her anger out on either one of them.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_33_9.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE) By the way, have you seen a post from her since all this started?
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I have read your comments and I see that there are a lot of you that support my mother and his mother. And some of the comments have also been encouraging. To answer some questions. First I want to say that I'm adopted. My adopted mother is my great aunt. She adopted me when I was 5 years old. My birth mom is an alcoholic. She never took care of me or my other sisters & brother. My sisters & brother lives somewhere else and my oldest sister got pregnant when she was 15 also, but she gave it up for adoption. My other sister is in a girls home and my brother was just released from a boys home. My birth mom gave them up and gave me to my adopted mom. My adopted mom does not have any other kids and she has provided very well for me. Sometimes I don't know why I don't like being here because she has done a lot, even having me in private school to get a good education.

From the time that I was about 13 my mother started talking to me about sex and boys. I feel ashamed to say this but she did teach me about this stuff. I guess I just didn't take it in very well. I don't know how I'm going to take care of my child. I just through that my mother would be there to help me out. Even though she said that she wouldn't. My mother is taking me to Alternatives. She said that we both needed counseling and that they will tell me what the impact of my decision will be if I decide to keep it or give it up for adoption. I don't have a social worker, is that something that I should have. Also I didn't know that I could get in trouble for having sex with someone so young, but at the time he told be he was 15.

I don't think she would try to make my life hell, but she is very uphappy with me. And our relationship has certainly changed. His mother is also very angry at both of us.

Through all of this you did answer my question and I'm glad to know that she can't make me give it up that I would have some say in the final decision.

After reading all your comments you gave me something to think about. Things that I didn't consider before, like medical care. I guess I assumed that my mom would take care of everything. I don't know I'm having a hard time and I guess I do have to think about the baby and not just myself.

Sorry about being so stern, but you needed a wake-up call.
It's good that you told us a little more about yourself and admitted that you did not think beyond some point. We all make mistakes in life, and they somehow straighten themselves out (I still hope, and so should you).

And, yes, now is the time for you to do some serious thinking and I hope that all works out well for you. Babies are a wonderful gift, but you have to be ready to accept a lot of responsibilities along with them.

Being PG at 15 is nothing new, we hear about it, read about it and have friends or neighbors going through it, but it is different when it happens to YOU. Each case is different.

Again, wishing you, your 'mom', and that young man all the best.

Keep us posted.

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I'm very glad to hear that your mom is starting to look at the other options. And I'm also glad that you are starting to think this all the way threw (would have been better before but what's done is done) I do wish you all the luck with this and I hope that you end up with a much better life than is expected. And remember that school is very important. I know that you will get a little lazy and think oh well, but for your baby's future you have to be strong and stay the path, other wise it will be fastfood restaurant work or worse a department store where they treat you badly. I can't stress enough how important school is for both you and the father. Oh and definitely look into food stamps and WIC. WIC is very good for your baby's health, they will send you to all kinds of classes. You may not like the classes but you must do what is good for the baby. Your whole life now revolves around what is good for the baby. The hardest lesson in life sometimes is to remember to think of how our actions afect others. I hope that from now on you will always keep that in mind because now everything you do in your life will afect both the baby and the father and your mother.
Good Luck to all of you!
ZYI

Dear tonvwill57 I am so glad you got on here to explain ferthuer to people about your situation I knew in my heart that all was not said at first which is why I felt the need to defend you so badly... when I got pregnant with my first child I know how I felt and know what I told people to try to get them to understand my position as a young child having a baby... I am also so glad you have worked things out sort of with your foster mom as I said my mom was so mad but she did come around and now we talk everyday... I wish you all the luck and hope things go OK.

I too am glad you have returned. You show a lot more maturity then I thought you had in your response to all that has been said here. Its just too bad you didn't show that maturity before.

What bothers me most about your response is how uneducated you were. In this era of the information age where there is so much info available to you, to not understand some of the things you said you didn't know. From your background its hard to imagine how you would think having a child of your own would be a good idea.

The fact that he mother hasn't filed charges against you yet, is a good sign, but it doesn't put you out of the woods. In statutory rape cases the prosecutor can often prosecute on their own without a complainant. The hospital may be required to report to the police a teenage birth and they can investigate.

Or his mother can decide to press charges if you insist on keeping the baby. She is obviously and unsurprisingly concerned on the affect on her son's life to father a baby. If you will need public assistance to then the state WILL go after him. So, if she gets some good advice she will see the only to get the child adopted will be to press charges against you.

I really think you need to rethink giving it up for adoption. You might explore an open adoption that would allow you to be a part of the child's life but get the baby parents who can truly care for it.

I do wish you the best. I hope you and your mom can figure out what will be best for all of you. It's very mature of you to admit that you didn't think this through. That is the first step to being able to make it. Whatever you decide to do, you will have gotten information, thought things through, and made e a decision based on what is sensible and fair rather than solely on what you "want"
Again, I wish you well.

I'm glad you got back on here and reposted a response to all of us. We've had some "heated" words back and forth about your post. It sounds like you're heading in the right direction, keep going that way! I'll have to agree with ScottGem, I too think it might be better after all for all three of you, if you gave up the baby for adoption. You and that boy have your whole lives ahead of you (school-graduation) Think about giving that little baby to someone that can not have a child, and is despertly(sp) wanting a child, that can give her/him a good home, and provide well for her/him. That would be showing responsibility, cause there is really no way you or that boy can afford a baby. I realize it's easier said than done, but it's something that should be done.

Best of luck to you. I'm sure you'll make the right decision kiddo!

Well, I don't think your mom should tell you she doesn't want it in her home.. I think you were foolish for getting pregnant because you wanted one.. it isn't a puppy! This is the rest of your life honey.. did you even talk the father about this..? I think you are going to have it tough for a while. As for your mom.. she can't make you do anything.. and she can't kick you out at your age.. the father is only 13 and I think you are way too young.. I don't know what you were thinking...

Hey. My sister was 15 when she got pregnant and she had a problem similar to yours except my mother wanted her to abort the baby. But she kept it and every thing worked out fine. In my opinion, I think you should keep your baby. It would be very very very HARD for you to raise the child. But it you want your baby keep it. You will struggle but everything will be cool . I know someone who had a baby at 13 and is 19 now with her own home and kid and doing fine. Giving up the baby would be too depressing if you ask me

In my opinion, I think you should keep your baby. It would be very very very HARD for you to raise the child. But it you want your baby keep it. You will struggle but everything will be cool .

You are entitled to your opinion. But you can't say everything will be cool. There are just too many roadblocks to overcome.

I'm 17 and pregnant and I work and I am trying my hardest to be able to keep my baby. I looked into a lot of things that can help me out financially. Buttruthfully you are really young and if you want to keep it don't let anyone stop you. Youhave a long life ahead of you though and you will get to miss out on doing a lot of things kids like and you will have to mature fast. But I think you need to think about what the best thing for you to do is. Don't let peoples comments bring you down you do what ever you think is best. I wish you the best of luck if you want my profile has some things you can look at that will help you financially but you can do what yopu want. Good luck god bless you!

i think you need to think about what the best thing for you to do is.

I disagree. I think she needs to think about what the best thing for the baby is. She got into this mess by thinking about what would be best for her.

I agree with ScottGem

I´m no adult, but at my school we have dissused, sex, stds, and teen age pregnancy. I can't understand, why you would have unprotected sex at your age. Remember one thing, its not about what you, but what you need.

I´m no adult, but at my school we have dissused, sex, stds, and teen age pregnacy. I can't understand, why you would have unprotected sex at your age. Remember one thing, its not about what you, but what you need.

Good advice, but if you read her initial post you will see she wanted to get pregnant. Apparently had some fantasy idea about what being a mother would mean.

OK, let's cut to the chase here. No, you cannot be forced to give up your child. And also, no, your mother is not obligated to support the child either. And in most states, having a child makes you automatically emancipated, meaning that your parents have no more obligation to support you either.So you're on your own. And frankly, at age 15, I don't see how you're going to make it on your own. That's not meant to be mean or judgmental, that's just stating the facts.

No sympathy here. I need one more teen mother and her baby to support with the taxes I pay. Guess I'll have to get a second job so I can help pay your doctor bills. Teens should have their babies taken away from them and adopted out to people who want them and can afford to have a baby so people who pay taxes don't have to foot the bill for someone else's stupidity. You didn't just screw around with your own life, you screwed with a babies life, a 13 year old boys (which is kind of sick in it's self) and you screwed with your mothers life as well. I'm sure you will make mother of the year!

When did all this happen?

When did all this happen?

What does it matter WHEN it happened? The fact is that it happened and she is pregnant.

your right she is 15 but we expect so much from young children as the new generation what do we expect them to do...and if she is to dumb to raise a child then how does she know how to seduce a 13 year old boy like come on get a grip are you telling me you never had a one night stand? and if you did did you use protection all the time and if not how meny children could you have out there you didn't know about how about abandinment how about you go to jail for things you have done.... I am not the exception I was just a young girl having sex not knowing what the concequences were till it was to late!!! and how do you not know he was not to instagater!!!! how do you know she is not saying shw wants kids because she is now preg please you don't sound stupid so don't act stupid get facts befor you judge it can make a difference in your life and hers how do you know she don't get so depressed she don't try to kill her self or child like get a grip she needs help not critsisim so stop being a jerk and help the poor girl i am sure we have things we all look back and go holy crap what was i thinking!!! try some compassion not blood!!!


I didn't have a one night stand at 15, with a KID 2 years younger than me.

I DID use protection all the time--3 forms, actually--and still managed to get pregnant. It was AWFUL. Being pregnant as a teen is nothing but STRESS--everyone telling you what to do, and feeling torn no matter what you decide. I chose adoption, and believe me, it was no cake walk, but I knew I wasn't ready to be a parent YET.

We know he wasn't the instigator because she said that she deliberately got pregnant. Sounds like HER idea to me. I don't know a 13 year old boy who dreams of being a daddy RIGHT NOW, do you?

Sorry--what she needs right now are FACTS, not sympathy. It's not my job to give her sympathy. She can get that from her family and friends. As a tax-payer, who will probably be PAYING for her child, I'm actually righteously angry! *I* can't get pregnant! It will cost me $20,000 to have a kid, whether I adopt or try IVF--yet dumb teenagers (like the original poster here) can have kids no problem, and *I*, as a taxpayer, get to pay for not only the costs of having a baby that young, but the costs of the grants and loans she'll get as a single mother to go to school.

YES, she deserves to be yelled at for this--it was a dumb idea! No, her mother can't "make" her give her baby up--but she can make it awfully hard to keep the baby. It's a form of coercion--but it CAN happen.

Connie-mom, YOU need a reality check. While SOME people can make it as teen parents, the vast majority end up in unhealthy relationships later, neglecting their kids, and resenting the loss of freedom raising a child when they ARE a child brings.

Don't tell us not to "scare" her--she SHOULD be scared! She's responsible for another living being now, and that should scare ANYONE!

I agree with Synnen and others. I also can see connie-mom's point. Is there any middle ground? Some teens make great parents, although my taxes do pay for all the ones who don't.

There is a post above "omg ur a whore." Having an opinion, giving it when asked with honesty and sincerity does not make a person a whore.

No matter what age you are, you wanted to get pregnant and you wanted a baby. Now, the circumstances aren't perfect for you or your baby but you wanted it so I assume that your going to love it and however many griefs are handed down to you and your baby the worst it can get is neglect or a mother who doesn't care, but good luck.
To everyone, especially scottgem.
This girl has been brave enough to ask you all for help and advise, and all you can do is insult and degrade her whilst you bicker amongst yourselves. Tonvwill took a big gamble and put a lot of trust in you, I think you should wipe the bull from your mouths and take a good long look at yourselves.

no matter what age you are, you wanted to get pregnant and you wanted a baby. now, the circumstances aren't perfect for you or your baby but you wanted it so i assume that your going to love it and however many griefs are handed down to you and your baby the worst it can get is neglect or a mother who doesnt care, but good luck.
to everyone, especially scottgem.
this girl has been brave enough to ask you all for help and advise, and all you can do is insult and degrade her whilst you bicker amongst yourselves. tonvwill took a big gamble and put alot of trust in you, i think you should wipe the bull from your mouths and take a good long look at yourselves.


Ragga--at 15, I wanted a car. REALLY REALLY wanted one. So what if I couldn't legally drive yet--I still wanted one! And I wanted a convertable--something cool, that my friends would love, and people would envy.

Did I know the first thing about cars and taking care of them? Nope--but what did THAT matter?

Did I have money to BUY the car, and then take care of it? Nope--no insurance money, no gas money, no money for maintenance. But I still wanted a car!

If I had tricked someone into giving me the car of my dreams at 15--would you have felt at all sorry for me when I couldn't drive it because I couldn't even afford gas? Nope, you would have laughed at me, and told me to sell the car and wait until I was older.

Well, unfortunately, kids aren't as easy overall as cars are. The reason we gave diverse advice, and the reason we "yelled" at her was because she wasn't even CLOSE to looking at reality yet--she was still in her dreams of having a baby of her own to love--and not looking at maintenance, upkeep, insurance, etc.

Some of us had bad experiences of our own with having babies as teenagers. Some of us had GOOD experiences with having babies as teenagers. Since our advice is generally based on our experiences--well, you see the result.

As far as wiping the bull from our mouths---excuse me? Is giving this girl a dose of reality somehow "bull"? Raising a kid is HARD. Raising it on your own, with no help from the father, is even HARDER. Raising one at 15, with no job, and not even a high school degree is harder YET. So--yeah. We're throwing reality at her. Are we supposed to pat her on the back and tell her everything is going to be all right, when clearly it isn't? The probability of the original poster getting an advanced degree and being a help to society is pretty low. As a matter of fact, she will be a BURDEN on society, at least for the next few years. Why should I in any way encourage that?

Please--before you tell me to wipe the bull from my mouth, make sure you wipe it from your own eyes.

Synnen said it very well. As for me, I have nothing to rethink or apologize for. We have an immature girl who deliberately set out to bring a child into this world that she is clearly not emotionally or financially able to care for. Potentially corrupting a 13 you old boy in the process.

If you think such a person is deserving of compassion and understanding, you are entitled to your opinion. I reserve my compassion for the child that will be stuck with essentially a child for its mother.

I'm not sure about the law... but why would you put all that on yourself, knowing you'll be judged or having the baby taken away because you are at such a young age. I'm glad you want to have someone to take care of, and I'm sure you can do it but maybe next time, since there's no rewind button on life, you can make a more careful decision and think it through once more.

But all in all, I hope everything works out for the better! And if you really want to keep your baby, it's your choice. :)

Hey hun. I feel for you... my mom had me at 12. My dad was 13. And from experience they won't press statutory rape charges on anyone who is not even of the consenting age to begin with. And he isn't four years younger than you. If there is a will there is a way. No one can make you give up your baby if you don't want to and the government does provide wic and medicaid to mothers at any age. I'm on it now! The problem your mom will face is that when you become pregnant you are considered a legal adult in all medical eyes and even a few legal ways. I don't suggest it because it is very hard but you could move out w.o your moms consent if she gives you the altimatum give up the baby or leave. But trust me you will want her help raising the baby.

Best advice is to talk to your mom and tell her to shut up and listen to how you feel. Make sure you understand all of your options and consider what is best for your baby and what you can live with yourself doing. I had adoption papers signed for me before I was born but my dad fought it and made my mom keep me. Both parents have to consent no matter how old they are. (with a pat test of course) the best option for your baby is probably adoption but only you know your willingness to give up your life to support your baby and only you know your financial situation. For all any of us know you could have a million dollar trust fund! Just make sure you know about open adoptions and all of the programs available to you from the government.

And as far as this poor boy... yea right! He obviously didn't use a condom or form of protection if she said she was on because or w/e he still should have thought about it for his safety. He isn't going to have to deal with this if he doesn't want to. He has to consent to a pat test before he has any responsibility and I do hope that she doesn't fight to keep this baby and leave it on her mother that would be tragic. But it does happen all to often.

Oh, really, Brown eyes?

My mom was 16, and my dad 19. Amazingly, they're still married after 33 years. But--it was tough.

Aside from ONCE, when the Navy wouldn't give my dad's paycheck to my mom because he was at sea--they were NEVER on Welfare. Not even WIC. Can YOU say that? They didn't get free daycare at school, or scholarships to college--how about you?

By "a burden on society" I mean that basically tax-payer money is making sure that that baby (and her mother) are taken care of. She's not supporting herself--how can she? She's also not likely to get a college degree, making her stuck in lower-income jobs for the rest of her life.

No, not ALL teenage parents are a burden on society--but if you look at statistics, the younger the parent was, the more likely they were to get public aid--and THAT is a burden on society. I can think of a LOT more places I'd rather see tax dollars spent (like--AHEM--a bridge in Minneapolis) than on stupid kids that get knocked up and then EXPECT the state to take care of them.

Grow up, little girl. I was a teen mother too, and went through hell so that my child could have a better life--with her adoptive parents. So--don't tell me I don't have a clue what I'm talking about.

Yea actually I can say that my mom was never on wic or welfare and she didn't get free day care or free college. She lied on applications at jobs and became a stripper at 14 to support me. Because it was the only way to make enough money before she graduated to support me. She wasn't proud of it but I never went without. She got her diploma and she now is more successful than your average college graduate and she retired at 30! And she never went to college me and her don't get along great because of decisions she made later but that had nothing to do with me.

I am on medicaid through my pregnancy because my boyfriend pays $600 a week to those taxes and his insurance company refuses to cover me until we are married. And my health insureance with my mom won't cover me because it is a teen pregnancy. The way I see it my parents and my boyfriend have paid in enough money that it won't kill the government to cover my medical expenses. And I am not runnign away from the consequences of my actions by giving it to someone else to raise. I'm having a baby and I will take care of it. And no I do not go to college without scholarships! I graduated a year early without the support of my parents and got thrown out at 16 because I wouldn't get off the computer while I was doing homework to one of my 13 classes that semester. I earned my scholarships. I am the only person in my state to ever graduate as early as I did with out skipping a grade in elementry school!

Oh and if you think I need to grow up you need to check into who exactly you are talking about. I have been living on my own and paying my way through college with the help of my scholarships since I was 16. My mom put me out at 13 because I was strung out and she didn't want to deal with me. I went to my dads and cleaned up w/o rehab because I knew I was on a destructive path. I have probably been through more dificult times than many adults on here and got through them on my own. I lived at my dads house from 13 to 16 while he was on federal probation and was trying to keep me out of school and didn't work. I kept food on the table and I bought my clothes and I paid my school expenses including AP classes that helped me graduate HS as a college sophomore! So next time you want to talk to someone about growing up save it for someone who lives with there mommy and daddy and doesn't have to pay there own bills and support there dad and his 5 other children!

And even if the teenagers weren't on medicaid and using it to the maximum they would open its availability to illegal immigrants to have there 15 kids on. Once a program is started it won't go away there will always be someone to use government programs and if you think other wise you neeed a reality check. You'd be paying in the same amount even if there were only 10 people nation wide that were on medicaid. They will never lower taxes and the bridge in minneapolis is probably a state funded program anyway! The US government doesn't fix roads and bridges states do. If you think I'm a little girl because I'm 17 you need to grow up because many 17 year olds out there know a lot more about the real world than you probably do! Wisdom does not have to come with age it comes with experience!

I think you showed them there brown_eyes

Wasn't trying to show them anything just want people to realize that everything is not always black and white like they think it is. Not everyone has great parents or great situations but you can still work through it if you know what you want and are dead set on achieving it!

wasnt trying to show them anything just want people to realize that everything is not always black and white like they think it is. not everyone has great parents or great situations but you can still work through it if you know what you want and are dead set on acheiving it!
I made a thread thingy just for that 2not everyone... great situations"

Well, honey--you're an exception to the rule, and NOT what generally happens. She became a stipper so you didn't go without? Well, we just went without. Thank heavens for living near a large family, and living in a small town so that a large garden plot was allowed. I worked as a kid--I needed to so that we could EAT. There was no fun until chores were done, and chores consisted of not dishes and dusting, but weeding and watering and planting and picking. I spent more time in that garden than I did anything else. And we didn't HAVE a TV, or cable, or 2 cars, or bikes--any of that--until I was 10 years old.

As far as thinking you DESERVE the money you get---HA!

I pay that much in, too. I don't get anything back. And you SHOULD be married to get your significant other's health benefits--that's one of the perks of marriage, honey. Why SHOULD insurance companies cover someone who isn't legally related? Get real!

By your reasoning, my infertility treatments should ALSO be covered by welfare--I mean, I pay all that money IN, and I can afford to raise a child--wouldn't I be a better mom than someone who wasn't planning on a child? I have insurance, I have a husband (who I've been with for almost 12 years), I have a steady income! I don't need Welfare! I just can't afford the beginning part--I mean, who can shell out $20-$30k all at once for a baby? Since we subsidize teen pregnancies by at LEAST that much, in the first several years of that baby's life--with medical, and food, and checkups, and strollers, and subsidized housing--shouldn't EVERYONE get a chance at $20k for something they want? I mean, they put that much INTO it! How about every 18 year old gets free college, as long as they didn't use their money for a pregnancy? Or if you choose not to do that, AND you didn't have kids the government had to help with--how about the down payment on a house at 30? Get real! Government money isn't DESERVED just because you put money IN. As far as your point about "anyone can abuse the system" --yeah. I know. That's why I've spent the last several years pushing for the system to be eliminated entirely. If people had to choose between cable and feeding their kids, or NOT HAVING SEX until they could afford kids--because face it--who wants to watch their kid starve? --then I bet there would be a lot more people actually taking responsibility for their actions. NOT that raising your kid isn't taking responsibility--but having sex when you couldn't afford the kid wasn't. There would be a HUGE upsurge of family values--because people would actually HAVE to fall back on their families; there would be no one else. People would ALSO join churches in droves--because a church is a place you can go for emotional, spiritual, and physical help.

Yes, you had a rough life. I'm sorry for it. But--amazingly--there IS one statistic you lived up to: Most children of teen pregnancies live to beome a teen parent themselves. You want that for YOUR kid?

As far as the original poster goes--she hasn't been back to the site since December 9th. All posts in this thread at this point are discussion in hopes of preventing someone else posting with the same problem. She never even SAW your advice.

I don't agree with you on most of your points brown-eyes. Number one... you are very defensive about "girls" being on welfare, is that because you feel guilt of being on it? Just because your boyfriend and parents pay taxes doesn't mean it should be in your viewpoint that it is okay to rush out and let someone else pay for that baby you are pregnant with and can not afford. Do not come back and tell me that you can, or you wouldn't be on that welfare.. now would you?

Personally, I was taught to keep my legs closed and together. I also paid attention to that advise. I didn't have sex until I was responsible enough to deal with the consequences on my own (without the help of the government).

I do understand that it is there for a reason... but look at the statistics (as a mature Synnen explained)... most people on it are under-educated or teens that are pregnant/have 50 million kids.

So tell me again why you think because I had the sense to listen and you didn't... why do I have to pay for your child to be born? Oh you have paid taxes, well good... pay for your baby too.

Oh that great education you have? Doesn't seem to me that you have used it all that much. 17... pregnant... and can't afford it. (Going by your words here, have not made up my own).

I will give you that it is not always black and white, however... it is in this situation. The girl is 15 and people like yourself try to make her feel as if she has made no mistake at all.


Oh, by the way... Your boyfriend can in no way pay $600 a month just in taxes or you would be able to have this child without having to be on welfare!!

Oh honey, you poor thing. You didn't get 2 cars and cable TV until you were 10?! I think the things brown eyes meant were not these LUXURIES you speak of, but the BARE NECCESITIES i.e. food, clothes and a roof over her head. Mothers don't become strippers so their children can watch an extra 200 channels on their widescreens.
As far as hard work is concered weeding watering planting and picking are things retired people consider the joys of a RELAXED hobby. I grew up on a farm where iron-age machinery was considered modern, 10hour working days were a walk in the park and two frequecys on one fm radio was sate of the art

I don't think I fully understand what you mean when you say you were "taught to keep my legs closed" are you implying that Brown-eyes is a promiscuous lady or slut, I'm not sure if you have taken time to read the other threads but brown_eyes has not had much luck with men and little of it was her fault.
As for constantly patronising her and saying she is imature, brown eyes has engaged in this,now, discussion in a more mature and adult way than many of you, judging by the copious amount of exclamation marks, wich we all know is code for 'im screaming abuse at a computor screen'

Oh, please.

I wasn't talking about just her, and I would hope that would be obvious. I live in a building with Section 8 housing (no--not me. But the building DOES have it). I also have a friend who was a stripper to feed her kid when she was a teen. I believe that far more people on Welfare have amenities like cable and a car for each parent than those who never buckle to take it.

Yeah--food on the table, electricity, running water, and a roof over my head were what my parents were concerned with. I mentioned the whole idea to show you that people on Welfare today aren't exactly giving up anything before they take that check. I mean--omg--INTERNET ACCESS and a COMPUTER! That's like a month worth of food right there!

Look--the original point of this is that some girls (yes, GIRLS) can make it work as a teen mom, with help from their families. Most can't. Most DEPEND on the welfare system, and I don't think that's right. And the attitude of Browneyes that it's OKAY that they get the money because they put so much IN--well, that's what makes me even madder. I put money in too--as do millions of other tax payers. I'd rather pay for someone to go to college with those tax dollars than pay for a kid that no one planned for or could afford--a kid that will statistically go on and do the Same THING.

No... for your info "!!!!!" would mean... I am trying to get my point across. (If you would like proofreading critics.. we can move to your typing as well)

I was taught to keep my legs closed... means exactly what it says... don't open them until you can afford the consequences without help... by the way that would include the government (by reading her other posts she states that she is giving birth to this child with NO help.)

Please, being a newbie here, the first thing you need to learn is to not put words in a poster's mouth. I never once said she was any less of a person for having sex... I just imply that you shouldn't have sex before you can pay your way.

I was not patronizing her... just telling the fact here. Please show me where I called her immature. I have read and reread my post, and gosh... I just can't find that part!! (Did you get my point there?)

It looks to me like you are trying to start a lot of unnecessary battles here... please stop.

I'm not in the US so you can throw as many stats as you like at me you'll only be boosting your own ego rather than educating me but I think someone's telling porkies because you can get broadband for as little as $20 to my knowledge so your either being conned by your service provide or your being conned by your greengrocer

I am not trying to start any battles, just gain knowledge. Carnegie said 'you can never win an arguement'
I don't think that the perfectly natural plesures of sex should be restricted to those with enough MONEY to raise a child with two cars and cable, sex (for fun) should be confined to those mature enough to practice safe sex

im not in the US so you can throw as many stats as you like at me you'll only be boosting your own ego rather than educating me but i think someones telling porkies because you can get broadband for as little as $20 to my knowledge so your either being conned by your service provide or your being conned by your greengrocer


Not here... they have just upped the dial up to 24.95 a month... you can still find a select few for $10-15 per month. DSL is roughly $38 per month. It depends on how far in the country or where in the city you live. (Just so you aren't in the dark here) That is why it is such a big deal with welfare. You can have things that aren't needed, but you can't pay for your own mistakes/mishaps/children (whatever the case may be). I can do some major grocery shopping with 40 bucks.

EDIT: The problem is... she didn't protect herself... so there should be a limit on age of responsibility.

EDIT AGAIN::::: Someone should really balance Synnen out... reddies should not have been given because you disagree... read the rules please (Synn... I would, but I love you too much it says, lol)

There is a legal age of concent

Legal age of consent has nothing to do with this. That means she is of age to know the difference in yes and no, but whether she listens to her parents advise as far as right and wrong... that is another story. Please tell me you don't really think 15 or 17 is okay to be popping out babies. Please! That is just setting both kids up for future disappointments (baby and mother are the kids). What raise each other?

I'm not saying its ideal but these people are not copletely useless, kids as young as 12 have had plain bad luck an ended up running a family of 4, extreme case I know but it puts thing in perspective. Kids that have been pulled through the system, jumping from one insecure foster home to the next have managed to raise children in a stable to become the perfect statistic. Its hard but it can be done

I appoligize to synne for doing that twice. I didn't realize that I had disagreed with her earlier. There are so many posts I didn't go back to check. I try not to do that twice to someone.

Anyway. Welfare and medicaid are different. Me and my boyfriend pay $1200 plus a month in rent and other things. And I did try to protect myself. I am having a birth control baby. My doc found the problem with my because and it has been noted for future references so it will work next time. And no I don't feel guilty for being on medicaid. Oh and synn or whoever it was talking about government money for a house at 30 yea they do that too. If you find the right web site you can find grants for first time home buyers and education and just paying bills and you don't have to be broke to get them you have to have never used any other government programs in the US. So yes if you do your homework you can go to college for free or get a down payment on your home and many other things like that!

And I could cover my medical expenses but it is there and if I don't use it someone else will so why not me. And yes my boyfriend does pay 600 every paycheck. He makes $24 an hour and works at least 48 hours a week. He makes time and a half for all overtime and that gets taxed extra. We live together and plan on getting married but my parents won't sign for it and I don't feel like going through the hassel of getting emancipation papers filed even though I am emancipated I have yet to get the paper work done. (in my state emancipation is automatic when a student graduates) and I haven't finished school I still have two years left to get my bachelors.

I know I am not the average but I don't feel it is right to judge everyone by the statistics. Each person is different and as I said if there is a will there is a way. It is not fair to any teenager that has good intentions to be told by everyone that she is a burdon on society because it is not always the case and I agree it should put out there as a possible outcome but the other options need to be put out there also so that a young girl doesn't feel trapped. There are many many options just in the venue of adoption and many more ranging from abortion to keeping it and raising it herself. But if all that is presented to her is adoption and the fear of being put in jail a teen especially a pregnant one could end up killing herself or the baby. To avoid getting into trouble. None of us know this girl personally so no one can say she would or wouldn't. The decision is hers to make and all we can do is give advice we need not attack her for any reason I'm sure her mother has done this already. I'm sure the mother has told her how irresponsible and immature or w.e other words anyone could or want to use to explain her actions. No matter how bad her decisions were she needs advice and comfort not to be chastized for something that she cannot take back.

I never said I couldn't afford my doctor bills for the baby and even if I couldn't I have some pretty good reasons for not being able to that have nothing to do with my age or income. But that has nothing to do with this so I will open another thread if you wish to explore that with me. Maybe some people will have the alknowing answers to that delima.

But that is the point that is trying to be made... if you can afford, why not leave that money to pay for someone else's education (government money). If your boyfriend makes that much... you should easily be able to make payments and pay on your own (just my opinion here).

There is a big difference in being 15 with no education (obvious from posts) and being a little ahead of the game (as you are). Not saying that you shouldn't have waited, because I believe you should have (mistakes happen... mine did at almost 30, although the best mistake of my life... I wouldn't have made it as far as I have with a baby on my hip at 15). My point in all of this, at that age you haven't fully grown and experienced life yourself... why would you want to give that up to raise a child or have sex period? (When I use the word you... I don't necessarily mean YOU... I mean any girl under-aged.)

There are no all-knowing people here on earth... but we do the best we can... maybe we will just come and check it out... as you see you'll get our opinions :)

But that is the point that is trying to be made.....if you can afford, why not leave that money to pay for someone else's education (government money). If your bf makes that much....you should easily be able to make payments and pay on your own (just my opinion here).

There is a big difference in being 15 with no education (obvious from posts) and being a little ahead of the game (as you are). Not saying that you shouldn't have waited, because I believe you should have (mistakes happen...mine did at almost 30, although the best mistake of my life...I wouldn't have made it as far as I have with a baby on my hip at 15). My point in all of this, at that age you haven't fully grown and experienced life yourself...why would you want to give that up to raise a child or have sex period? (When I use the word you...I don't necessarily mean YOU...I mean any girl under-aged.)

There are no all-knowing people here on earth....but we do the best we can...maybe we will just come and check it out....as you see you'll get our opinions :)
Damn ill learn one day to only quote a small part rather than the whole thing. Anyway I tottally agree with you about a baby holding you back if you have one too early career wise but you will advance emotionaly but... if you wait too long you run the risk of ruining your child's life by not being sharp enough not being apt for its requirements

I didn't intentionally get pregnant but I was on because so I did the best I could.I don't have a problem with anyone's opinion I just get frustrated with people "attacking" others opinion. Attacking is not the word but it is 7 am here and I haven't been to bed <see my post days and night smixed up> and I cnat think of a proper word. I would have waited if it were up to me but I don't regret it because I think it will be the best thing that has happened to me. I owe my hospital 70,000 for surgeries from a drink driving accident. I was a victim not the drunk one. That is why we chose to get on medicaid. I could do it all but it would be overwhelming and the system is abused so much that at least I am not using the medicaid to abort like so many girls at least around here do.

I understand that having an education is different and people tend to think I'm an idiot because I have had very different experiences than the normal so I know with determination things are always possible so I give people the benefit of the doubt because without support no one has the confidence to try.

It is my understanding that so much money is set aside for each program so if it doesn't get used in one department it doesn't transfer to the others it is just left there for the next year but I am not a government accountant so I can't be sure. It is my experience from accounting classes that excess money doesn't typically change expense accounts? Like I said I'm not sure government may be different.

I am not sure where to start a thread on that though. I have a lot of ?'s with it but they are all over and I need a lawyer to answer them. I will come back and tell you.

So the optimum time to have a baby, you need to be strong enough both emotionly and financially say above 20
And you need to be young enough so you don't slow down right when your child speeds up
The needs and requirements of children change every generation so you shouldn't be old enough to be their grandparent.
Which makes the best time to become a parent beetween 20 and 30, oh what a surprise, slap bang in the middle of you vocational prime.
Conclusion; it is always a bad time to give birth

Not here 2 pass judgement however getting pregnant intentionally was a dumb move. I can understand how your mom feels as parents we want the best for our kids maybe she viewed you as finishing college living a good life not pregnant at 15. I don't know what the laws are in your state but you have to understand your still a minor and mom is responsible for you. If you insist on keeping your baby then you need to maybe look into programs for teen mothers some program offer housing and allow you to finish school. I had my 1st daughter at 16 but I lived in a rented room and got up every morning at 6am to pack up my baby and go to school. It's a rough road ahead and you better be ready cause no one is going have pity on you. Now you have to find a way to support your baby and still make something of yourself. Dad is only 13 is sad. Think about it. Adoption will give you your childhood back and give your baby a better life. I know 20 years from now your baby would understand why you did it. 15 and 13 years old is not parents you guys are babies yourself. If you still decide to keep baby. Then be ready to face the music and become an adult. Get your g.e.d. At least and take some kind of trade school and find a job. Forget parties and mall trips with the girls. For the next 18 years your going to have to deal with diapers earaches, runny noses and trips back and forth 2 babysitters while you work. I did it and it was hell but thank god my daughter is now 17 and is starting college in June. She is a very grounded and mature young lady. She doesn't even date she is into her friends shopping and work. So for a teen mom I think I did a good job but it doesn't always turn out that way. I have a lot of friends who lost there kids 2 da state. Anyway just do the right thing and it will work out.

Not many 17-18 year olds wear diapers

Yari said "for the next 18 years your gonna have to deal with diapers"
What kind of silly word is diapers anway

brown_eyes_3546 agrees: but the coomplications you mentioned are more common in older women than teens. The girl is in more danger than the baby due to underdeveloped body as long as she eats properly.

As a nurse intern in Labor & Delivery, I have to disagree with this. Complications are very serious with teens. PIH (Pregnancy Induced Hypertension) happens at any age, more common in the teen and older women, however, Pre-eclampsia and Eclampsia are much higher in the teen population. CPD (Cephalopelvic disproportion) is most often associated with teen pregnancies, and if not caught early, can have devastating effects on the baby if a C-Section is not done promptly.

I see these syndromes more with the teen population than I do the older women. The teenage body is just not prepared to cope with the strenuous task of pregnancy, labor and delivery.

i appoligize to synne for doing that twice. i didnt realize that i had disagreed with her earlier. there are so many posts i didnt go back to check. i try not to do that twice to someone.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

In one response you called Synnen out for using generalties that were untrue. But they weren't. Yes, children have begat children and made a success out of it. But there are many more examples of teen pregnancies that resulted in hardship and tragedy. Even those that made a success out of it had to struggle to do so. So when a 15 yr old tells us she DELIBERATELY got pregnant, I think a moral outrage is more than justified.

As far as the statutory rape thing. If the parents of these two children want the child put up for adoption, then pressing the statutory rape charge is a good tactic.

But we have gone far afield here. The original question of whether the child can be taken away was answered long ago. Nor have we gotten any further input from the OP. What the thread seems to have centered on is two points.
1) Should we show compassion for a teen who deliberately got herself pregnant
2) Is it OK for children to have babies.

The first point is a matter of opinion. I think I've made mine clear. On the second point, I can't imagine anyone of sound mind who would think such an idea shouldn't be put down.

j_9: I based my statement on Chapel Hills recent stats. My cousin has her masters in prenatal nursing there and also works in lobor and deliery. You both differ greatly in opinion she has pointed out to me that different areas of the country and world have different common probems for unknown reasons.deseases are the same but who and where they arecommon in differ greatly across the world. She has said that in your area it may be more common in teens but here t is more common in women 30+ having children. I do not question your expertise I rspect that you are in nursing school but as she works in my area with some of the most complicated deliveries in the state I take her advice more to heart because she knows me personally and is here. She has also said thatyounger women have much easier times in her 3 years of experience there.

Scott: I agree that wanting a babyis not a good thing at 15 but I also think her mothe has beat that into her head enough which is why she is here or help not crying in her mothers lap. That's all I had to say. More advice less critique.

Sorry all that my typing is sorry. My keys are sticking for some odd reason.

I'm just dropping by and saying- she has had a baby, been through all the pain and brought a baby into the world. She loves this baby and wants to keep it, so why not, yes she proabally won't be able to afford it but having to give up a baby could proably be one of the worst things she could give up. And as for seducing - maybe they were very close and she knew what she was doing to prove that she wanted a baby and knew about the reprocutions. And yes I am a very bad speller but the spell check isn't helping me either

she has had a baby, been through all the pain and brought a baby into the world.

Actually when she posted this she said was was pregnant meaning the baby hadn't been born yet.

The fact is she has exercised extremely poor judgement in deleiberately getting pregnant at her age. So I sincrely doubt she has considered all the repercussions.

im just dropping by and saying- she has had a baby, been through all the pain and brought a baby into the world. she loves this baby and wants to keep it, so why not, yes she proabally wont be able to afford it but having to give up a baby could proably be one of the worst things she could give up. and as for seducing - maybe they were very close and she knew what she was doing to prove that she wanted a baby and knew about the reprocutions. and yes i am a very bad speller but the spell check isnt helping me either


While I admit I wouldn't force adoption on my worst enemy--I'm thinking about the baby with my recommendations.

I'm a birthmom--and it IS hard. But--I never have to wonder where my child's next meal is coming from, either. And--deliberately getting pregnant at 15 doesn't scream "World's Greatest Mom!" to me, either.

Mm see where you are coming from

I probably going to take a lot of heat for the comment but honestly an abortion is in order if it is possible. As a parent who had to almost lost a child during my wife delivery in scared to attempt to have another child.

Now she is 13 and wants to give birth to a healthy baby. Then what raise a child in a cardboard box. This is the beginning on the horrorible story.

I don't blame 13 year old I'm blaming the parents of these children. How does a 13 year even get the thought in her head that its will be OK to get pregnant.

If you want to keep the baby then keep it. It's your baby and you should do what you want. Don't let other people tell you what to do! Make your own choices, do what you think is right for you and your baby! It's your life!!

I have a friend who's 15 year old daughter got pregnant by some boy she met at a party. The mother wanted her to give the baby up for adoption, the girl wanted to keep the baby. She kept it, didn't want to have to take care of it all the time, so the child became the grandmother's responsibility.
And what does this girl do? Two years later, she is pregnant again, different guy.
I'm all for showing kids understanding, but these young kids need to know they are bringing another human being in the world that has to be cared for and raised. You don't have babies at 15 just because you want one and the government should not have to take care of them. Kids need to be told they are wrong when they do something wrong that has dire consequence.
I fell sorry for this young lady because she has no clue what she's gotten herself into, and the boy, I don't know what he must be thinking.
Someone is going to have to raise that child, her mother will probably end up doing it. I just hope she isn't understood and coddled so much that she'll see no problem with getting another baby in a couple of years.

I just wanted to touch on this. I agree with Homegirl 50. My cousin gave birth to her only son at 15. She didn't do it again. But, she did allow her mother to raise her child. She finished school and even college but when she wasn't at school she'd be out dateing and playing while her mother took care of her son. She is now 35 and her son is 20. He just had his first child. She is now a grandmother at 35.

If you talk to her she says that her and her son are best friends and buddies.
If you talk to him he says that she is like his sister and his grandmother is his mother.
The roles are too confused when this happens.
I still think if she keeps the baby and her mother does help her she should finish school and spend everyother second with her baby raising it.
I hate to say it but when you become a mother your life ends to an extent because now you have this dependent being that comes first that you have to think about. A lot of sacrifies have to be made. Good luck to you and the baby whatever choice you make will be hard.

Where I live I see this all the time. Kids want to have a real baby. They idealize what it will be like. 10 years ago there were sooo many 13 and 14 year old girls in my neighborhood getting pregnant because they wanted a baby like ALL the other teenage girls. By the time they were
16 and pregnant for the second time, 18 and pregnant for the third time guess who was raising them because the kids would rather run around with their friends and couldn't be bothered with the babies (let alone not able to afford them). THEIR mothers. So I can understand your mother wanting to give up the baby for adoption. She sees it as a irresponsible mistake you made that you will not be able to handle realistically.
She may even feel that keeping the baby is equivalent to condoning what you did.

You have to consider all aspects of things rather than decide I want... therefore I will.

Let's see... Tonvwill57 posted her question on December 7 and has not been back on the site since December 9. That's over a month now.

While we would like to have an update, experience tells me that we are going to be here debating left and right... however, we will not make a difference to this member as she will not be back to read our posts.