Ok my situation is about this friend and I. We both go to school in boston, but to different schools. We went to the same high school, but she moved away this past summer so California so we only see each other maybe once a week or so on the weekend, at most. However, we've known each other since 6th grade and we've been really close since sophomore yeah in high school. That year I asked her out and it lasted a week and she said she would rather be a friend that dating, and that was fine with me. I was disappointed but nothing big. A couple months after that, she started inviting me to do stuff with just her, like to go over to her house to watch movies or something, and she even invited me to one of her family gatherings and we just hung out the two of us. I kind of got the assumption she wanted ot start something, but I didn't think much of it since a couple moths before she had said no to dating. Then the summer before junior year, I got into a relationship that lasted almost 2.5 years up until this past November. We stayed very close friends during school and sports, but after she moved away in June, we didn't talk until September when she came back for college. 3 weeks ago we went to a concert and had a ton of fun. We talked almost non-stop from the time she met up (around 5:30pm) straight through until 4am. Over the past 3 years, I kind of liked her, but since we've been hanging out recently, they started to grow stronger for some reason.

Basically I'm at the point where I just want to say something to her about what's going on. I kind of like her because she's cute and a great person, but I keep getting conflicting signals from her. To make it clearer for you, I'll separate it into what I think are the positive signals and the negative ones.

For the positive side, she's said a couple things that I thought seemed a little overly friendly over the past few weeks. For example, the night of the concert where we talked until 4am, she was saying how she's completely comfortable with me and would feel comfortable telling me anything. A second one was we were talking, and she said how she wanted to do something with me before she left for California since we weren'y going to see each other over winter break, so I suggested we go to dinner and she offered to come to my campus. I saw that as a good sign so I offered we go to a movie too and she said sure. A third one was that she invited me to join her and a few of her friends to go to the Christmas tree lighting in the Boston Common this past thurday (a week ago). I couldn't go because I had chem lab, but I said thanks anyway. A fourth one was this past Sunday when we got our pictures taken together for the CSI: The Experience exhibit at the Museum of Science and she said "Why are we so adorable?" which I thought was kind of a weird thing for a friend to say. Then the final thing happened when I offered for us to go to a popular café for hot chocolate and cannolis this past Sunday (they have the best cannolis in the area). It was cold out and we were waiting for the T and it seemed like something fun to do, so I suggested it and she said that she had work still to do, but that "We'll hafta make another date for that" or something like that. When we were at Best Buy looking for x-mas present ideas, Star Wars was playing on the TVs and we started talking about them and I said how I wanted to maybe rent it and watch it, and she said "Yeah, and we could watch it at my place or your place". Then there were the small body language things. I'm not exactly sure since I've been out of it for a long time, but I'm pretty sure the way she looked at me was not the way a normal friend would. The way talked and stuff, and probably the biggest thing was the way she hugged me both times we parted ways... they were a lot longer that a normal "friends saying goodbye" hug and they were closer than that. Also, after the concert, she made her Facebook picture one of both of us from the night of the concert.

Ok, now for the negatives, which I honestly feel overpower the positives, because I may just be reading into them too much. The biggest negative is that in the three weeks that this has been going on, she has only initiated conversation once. All of the other times were me either calling or texting. I feel like if she felt something, she would have initiated conversation more than once over the three weeks. The other negative happened yesterday. We hadn't talked about the dinner coming up this Sunday for a while and we never really confirmed so I called to say hi, see how things were and to ask about this weekend. I called her during her "Relaxation" part of yoga, so I offered to call back later and she said it was fine, but throughout the conversation it seemed like she definitely had other things on her mind. When I brought up this weekend, I asked "Hey, are we still doing something this weekend? I'm not skiing so I'm free friday and saturday nights if those work better for you." and she said something like "Sure, maybe. I have a lot of studying to do and I definitely wanna get my x-mas shopping done this weekend. My friends and I were thinking of going to Vinny-T's for dinner and maybe a movie, but you're welcome to come too if you want. You're probably gonna be the only guy so you could invite some friends if you wanted." I immediately that as her saying no thanks anymore, but that she was trying to let me down easy by being nice and inviting me out with her friends and stuff.

Now right now I know I'm not ready for a full-on relationship, but I do like her. I have a couple ideas of what to do going through my head. The first of my plans as of now is to lie low, make her initiate the next conversation and to certainly not bring up this weekend. If she doesn't contact me this weekend and doesn't bring it up, then I know my answer. I said "Well, let me know what goes and stuff" so I left it up to her, so if there is something there, then she'll try and set something up. However, I was also thinking that maybe she's afraid to come on too strong because she knows I just got out of a long relationship. That maybe she's shy like me and is afraid to just come out and say it. To counter that idea though, it's not like I didn't give her signs back. I went out this past Friday night and picked up some biscotti for the hell of it, and I offered to bring her some when I saw her on Sunday. I also invited her to join me, but she was already busy. Me also engaging conversation should also have been a sign that I was trying to return the feelings. The last idea of mine is to just say something. I have a ton of work I need to get done before finals, and I can't let this distract me so I kind of just want to say it, put it out there, get it off my back, see what happens and hope it doesn't wreck the friendship.

What I think I'm going to do is that if she tries to set something up this weekend, then I'll tell her than how I feel. She's a great friend and all and I would hate to ruin that, but I'm at the point where I just want to say something to get the load off my back.

Just for clarity... I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship at this point, I just don't know whether to tell her I like her. I'm not looking to be f-buddies or anything remotely close to that either, I just want to see where this goes.

I would like to dedicate this novel to anyone who manages to read the whole thing.

First I would like to say I managed to read the whole thing :p Ok now let me say "BOY YOU GOT IT BAD!!!!" You have just analyzed every conversation, every action, every facial expression this girl has made. You may not be ready for a relationship, but man have you fallen for this one. Ok, if you want an honest opinion, and it's just that... an opinion, than I say if you really aren't ready for a relationship, why risk the awkwardness of telling her that you like her more than a normal friend would like another friend. Say you tell her how you feel and she feels the same way... then what? Then you will presume to tell her you are not ready for a relationship? Now that's not fair is it? I think that because you did just get out of a relationship, you should kind of chill for a bit. Don't call her as often as you usually do. Like you said in your post, give her a chance to initiate conversation. Have you ever heard the saying "How can I miss you if you never leave??" Give her a chance to analyze her feelings as you have done:) You can still call her, but just not every day. Maybe call her on a weekend. Ask her if she wants to do something. If she says know than tell her "well me and some friends are going to the pool hall so if you get bored you are more than welcome to join us" (not necessarily pool, but you get the point). That way she realizes you are still doing your own thing too. Good luck hon and I hope I've helped at least a little. Please feel free to message me anytime. Let me know how things work out either way!!

<3 Leslie

Congrats on surviving my novel lol.

I didn't call every day, it was at most every other day. I didn't want to come acorss as obsessive, needy and pushy. You make a good point about saying something, but then saying I'm not ready for a relationship.

After thinking about it some more (probably dangerous I know), I've kind of settled on waiting for now. Seeing what happens between now and when she leaves for home (next sunday).

If there's anything there, she'll seek me out. She knows where to find me.

I already posted this in another section, but this one seems to have more attention and exposure so please don't hate me for posting it here again.

Ok my situation is about this friend and I. We both go to school in boston, but to different schools. We went to the same high school, but she moved away this past summer so California so we only see each other maybe once a week or so on the weekend, at most. However, we've known each other since 6th grade and we've been really close since sophomore yeah in high school. That year I asked her out and it lasted a week and she said she would rather be a friend that dating, and that was fine with me. I was disappointed but nothing big. A couple months after that, she started inviting me to do stuff with just her, like to go over to her house to watch movies or something, and she even invited me to one of her family gatherings and we just hung out the two of us. I kind of got the assumption she wanted ot start something, but I didn't think much of it since a couple moths before she had said no to dating. Then the summer before junior year, I got into a relationship that lasted almost 2.5 years up until this past November. We stayed very close friends during school and sports, but after she moved away in June, we didn't talk until September when she came back for college. 3 weeks ago we went to a concert and had a ton of fun. We talked almost non-stop from the time she met up (around 5:30pm) straight through until 4am. Over the past 3 years, I kind of liked her, but since we've been hanging out recently, they started to grow stronger for some reason.

Basically I'm at the point where I just want to say something to her about what's going on. I kind of like her because she's cute and a great person, but I keep getting conflicting signals from her. To make it clearer for you, I'll separate it into what I think are the positive signals and the negative ones.

For the positive side, she's said a couple things that I thought seemed a little overly friendly over the past few weeks. For example, the night of the concert where we talked until 4am, she was saying how she's completely comfortable with me and would feel comfortable telling me anything. A second one was we were talking, and she said how she wanted to do something with me before she left for California since we weren'y going to see each other over winter break, so I suggested we go to dinner and she offered to come to my campus. I saw that as a good sign so I offered we go to a movie too and she said sure. A third one was that she invited me to join her and a few of her friends to go to the Christmas tree lighting in the Boston Common this past thurday (a week ago). I couldn't go because I had chem lab, but I said thanks anyway. A fourth one was this past Sunday when we got our pictures taken together for the CSI: The Experience exhibit at the Museum of Science and she said "Why are we so adorable?" which I thought was kind of a weird thing for a friend to say. Then the final thing happened when I offered for us to go to a popular café for hot chocolate and cannolis this past Sunday (they have the best cannolis in the area). It was cold out and we were waiting for the T and it seemed like something fun to do, so I suggested it and she said that she had work still to do, but that "We'll hafta make another date for that" or something like that. When we were at Best Buy looking for x-mas present ideas, Star Wars was playing on the TVs and we started talking about them and I said how I wanted to maybe rent it and watch it, and she said "Yeah, and we could watch it at my place or your place". Then there were the small body language things. I'm not exactly sure since I've been out of it for a long time, but I'm pretty sure the way she looked at me was not the way a normal friend would. The way talked and stuff, and probably the biggest thing was the way she hugged me both times we parted ways... they were a lot longer that a normal "friends saying goodbye" hug and they were closer than that. Also, after the concert, she made her Facebook picture one of both of us from the night of the concert.

Ok, now for the negatives, which I honestly feel overpower the positives, because I may just be reading into them too much. The biggest negative is that in the three weeks that this has been going on, she has only initiated conversation once. All of the other times were me either calling or texting. I feel like if she felt something, she would have initiated conversation more than once over the three weeks. The other negative happened yesterday. We hadn't talked about the dinner coming up this Sunday for a while and we never really confirmed so I called to say hi, see how things were and to ask about this weekend. I called her during her "Relaxation" part of yoga, so I offered to call back later and she said it was fine, but throughout the conversation it seemed like she definitely had other things on her mind. When I brought up this weekend, I asked "Hey, are we still doing something this weekend? I'm not skiing so I'm free friday and saturday nights if those work better for you." and she said something like "Sure, maybe. I have a lot of studying to do and I definitely wanna get my x-mas shopping done this weekend. My friends and I were thinking of going to Vinny-T's for dinner and maybe a movie, but you're welcome to come too if you want. You're probably gonna be the only guy so you could invite some friends if you wanted." I immediately that as her saying no thanks anymore, but that she was trying to let me down easy by being nice and inviting me out with her friends and stuff.

Now right now I know I'm not ready for a full-on relationship, but I do like her. I have a couple ideas of what to do going through my head. The first of my plans as of now is to lie low, make her initiate the next conversation and to certainly not bring up this weekend. If she doesn't contact me this weekend and doesn't bring it up, then I know my answer. I said "Well, let me know what goes and stuff" so I left it up to her, so if there is something there, then she'll try and set something up. However, I was also thinking that maybe she's afraid to come on too strong because she knows I just got out of a long relationship. That maybe she's shy like me and is afraid to just come out and say it. To counter that idea though, it's not like I didn't give her signs back. I went out this past Friday night and picked up some biscotti for the hell of it, and I offered to bring her some when I saw her on Sunday. I also invited her to join me, but she was already busy. Me also engaging conversation should also have been a sign that I was trying to return the feelings. The last idea of mine is to just say something. I have a ton of work I need to get done before finals, and I can't let this distract me so I kind of just want to say it, put it out there, get it off my back, see what happens and hope it doesn't wreck the friendship.

What I think I'm going to do is that if she tries to set something up this weekend, then I'll tell her than how I feel. She's a great friend and all and I would hate to ruin that, but I'm at the point where I just want to say something to get the load off my back.

Just for clarity... I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship at this point, I just don't know whether to tell her I like her. I'm not looking to be f-buddies or anything remotely close to that either, I just want to see where this goes.

I would like to dedicate this novel to anyone who manages to read the whole thing.

I hope you say nothing to her as long as your on the fence and don't want anything other than friendship. Stay friends and leave it at that. Yeah I read the whole thing, and now Its naptime. Just kidding, but I think your looking to deep, with no real plan or FEELING for this female. Its so easy to fantasize, and play what if in our minds, when we spend a lot of quality time, and have fun with someone of the opposite sex. Bet she may be going through the same thing, HMMMMM!

Well I think I have my answer now. I don't think there's anything there. That maybe she sensed me reading too much into it and now she's trying to distance herself.

Some friends and I are planning on seeing the movie Michael Clayton tonight, and I asked if she and some friends wanted to come. I tried to make it sound like a friendly thing, no strings attached, but she said no thanks, that she and her friends were planning on staying in tonight because they're all exhausted, have work to do and the weather's not too nice. She didn't mention anything about other plans or w/e so I'm just going to disappear for now. Maybe after break I'll try to clear the air and smooth over the friendship... but for now I think I need to become invisible.

All right, I posted a couple weeks back about a girl I've known for 7 years and been very close friends with. I was getting mixed signals from her so I decided to just ask what the deal was. I admitted to her that she was an amazing friend, but that I had developed feelings for her as more than just really good friends, and she said she had felt like that for a while. However, her family just moved across the country so she is thinking of transferring to a college over there. She says she's not ready for a relationship right now because of that and some other things she's unsure of right now like what she wants to do with her life and stuff I think.

I told her that's fine, and I didn't push it any further, but we kept talking and exchanged gifts for x-mas, but then didn't talk for a couple weeks. Things were a little awkward for a bit, but nothing big. I tried to give her space because I didn't want to seem obsessive and pushy or anything. I honestly thought it was over, that I should just let it go and move on, so I was really surprised when she asked what I was doing for the superbowl. She said she had no one to watch it with at school (surprising because I'm pretty sure she has some guy friends who would be watching it, but whatever). So we hung out for the superbowl with a big group of my friends and she kept on saying she wanted me to visit her at school over presidents weekend and how I should come out to LA over the summer to see her. Being a broke college student that wouldn't be too easy, but she seemed serious about it. Aside from that there wasn't anything big that happened, just the occasional affectionate touch on the back or head on the shoulder or whatever... things that a normal friend wouldn't usually do (this sounds awkward but hopefully you get what I mean).

Now maybe it's that we are in this kind of grey zone, where we've established that it's more than friends but not a relationship but I don't know. I'm really bad at knowing what to do in this sort of thing (as if you couldn't tell already) so I don't think I'm going to make any moves, but I'm just wondering what your opinions on this whole situation are. I was going to maybe bring up the visit in a week or so, and see what happens, but I'm not going to expect anything. If you guys have any more insight into this let me know what you think, or if I'm just overanalyzing it.

Thanks in advance

It sounds like you are in the game to me; don't get too clingy or smothering.

She obviously enjoys spending time with you and it seems that you enjoy spending time with her, but why waste time obsessing about whether to take the relationship further? Why can't you just be friends? Take it slow, talk, hang out. Things will develop on their own.

Just curious, what's "the game?"

I have no problem with being friends, that's not my issue really. What I'm unsure about is how to handle this grey area. I was planning on just staying as a friend, but I'm not sure what the dos and don'ts are. I'm not a really clingy or smothering person, I like to give people space to be themselves and to breathe. I think I just shouldn't worry about it and not bother getting my hopes up.

Rockerchick is curious about 'the game':
"The purpose of a man is to love a woman,
And the purpose of a woman is to love a man,
So come on baby let's start today, come on baby let's play
The game of love, love, la la la la la love."

It sounds to me like you guys are in the we like each other but were not going to date stage but you better not date another girl lol... what I would do is if you really like this girl and want to be with her, don't mess it up with another girl. Two girls at once is never a good thing. Also... valentines day is coming up, id recommend sending her a card with a cute and personal note in it, like just thinking about you and wanted to tell you how amazing you are. Something to show her that you care and that she is the one that's on your mind.

That's true about the 2 girls at once, and I would never do that. However, I'm not sure if sending a card would seem kind of pushy or not. I'm trying to take a very pressure-less approach to this, so I don't want her to think I'm coming on too strong.

If it's a friendly valentines day card that just shows her that you were thinking about her then it won't be too pushy, now if you send her a lovey dovey card, it might be weird, just a card that shows her hey I'm thinking about you

let see.. she could play hard to get.. but also just want a real friend... a friend that she no for so long ^^ so you my friend are in the friendzone..

if I am wrong correct me ^^

We'll see how it turns out. I'm hoping I haven't fallen into the trap of friend, of which I know there is no way out, but we'll see how it goes. I'm not ready to make a final judgement on this just yet.

Have you think of asking her about this straight out?.

I already did ask her... kinda. I told her I liked her, and she said she liked me back, but that she wasn't ready for a relationship right now because she is unsure of a bunch of things right now, like whether she might transfer school and stuff.