perplexed1
Dec 6, 2007, 10:12 AM
Ok my situation is about this friend and I. We both go to school in boston, but to different schools. We went to the same high school, but she moved away this past summer so California so we only see each other maybe once a week or so on the weekend, at most. However, we've known each other since 6th grade and we've been really close since sophomore yeah in high school. That year I asked her out and it lasted a week and she said she would rather be a friend that dating, and that was fine with me. I was disappointed but nothing big. A couple months after that, she started inviting me to do stuff with just her, like to go over to her house to watch movies or something, and she even invited me to one of her family gatherings and we just hung out the two of us. I kind of got the assumption she wanted ot start something, but I didn't think much of it since a couple moths before she had said no to dating. Then the summer before junior year, I got into a relationship that lasted almost 2.5 years up until this past November. We stayed very close friends during school and sports, but after she moved away in June, we didn't talk until September when she came back for college. 3 weeks ago we went to a concert and had a ton of fun. We talked almost non-stop from the time she met up (around 5:30pm) straight through until 4am. Over the past 3 years, I kind of liked her, but since we've been hanging out recently, they started to grow stronger for some reason.
Basically I'm at the point where I just want to say something to her about what's going on. I kind of like her because she's cute and a great person, but I keep getting conflicting signals from her. To make it clearer for you, I'll separate it into what I think are the positive signals and the negative ones.
For the positive side, she's said a couple things that I thought seemed a little overly friendly over the past few weeks. For example, the night of the concert where we talked until 4am, she was saying how she's completely comfortable with me and would feel comfortable telling me anything. A second one was we were talking, and she said how she wanted to do something with me before she left for California since we weren'y going to see each other over winter break, so I suggested we go to dinner and she offered to come to my campus. I saw that as a good sign so I offered we go to a movie too and she said sure. A third one was that she invited me to join her and a few of her friends to go to the Christmas tree lighting in the Boston Common this past thurday (a week ago). I couldn't go because I had chem lab, but I said thanks anyway. A fourth one was this past Sunday when we got our pictures taken together for the CSI: The Experience exhibit at the Museum of Science and she said "Why are we so adorable?" which I thought was kind of a weird thing for a friend to say. Then the final thing happened when I offered for us to go to a popular café for hot chocolate and cannolis this past Sunday (they have the best cannolis in the area). It was cold out and we were waiting for the T and it seemed like something fun to do, so I suggested it and she said that she had work still to do, but that "We'll hafta make another date for that" or something like that. When we were at Best Buy looking for x-mas present ideas, Star Wars was playing on the TVs and we started talking about them and I said how I wanted to maybe rent it and watch it, and she said "Yeah, and we could watch it at my place or your place". Then there were the small body language things. I'm not exactly sure since I've been out of it for a long time, but I'm pretty sure the way she looked at me was not the way a normal friend would. The way talked and stuff, and probably the biggest thing was the way she hugged me both times we parted ways... they were a lot longer that a normal "friends saying goodbye" hug and they were closer than that. Also, after the concert, she made her Facebook picture one of both of us from the night of the concert.
Ok, now for the negatives, which I honestly feel overpower the positives, because I may just be reading into them too much. The biggest negative is that in the three weeks that this has been going on, she has only initiated conversation once. All of the other times were me either calling or texting. I feel like if she felt something, she would have initiated conversation more than once over the three weeks. The other negative happened yesterday. We hadn't talked about the dinner coming up this Sunday for a while and we never really confirmed so I called to say hi, see how things were and to ask about this weekend. I called her during her "Relaxation" part of yoga, so I offered to call back later and she said it was fine, but throughout the conversation it seemed like she definitely had other things on her mind. When I brought up this weekend, I asked "Hey, are we still doing something this weekend? I'm not skiing so I'm free friday and saturday nights if those work better for you." and she said something like "Sure, maybe. I have a lot of studying to do and I definitely wanna get my x-mas shopping done this weekend. My friends and I were thinking of going to Vinny-T's for dinner and maybe a movie, but you're welcome to come too if you want. You're probably gonna be the only guy so you could invite some friends if you wanted." I immediately that as her saying no thanks anymore, but that she was trying to let me down easy by being nice and inviting me out with her friends and stuff.
Now right now I know I'm not ready for a full-on relationship, but I do like her. I have a couple ideas of what to do going through my head. The first of my plans as of now is to lie low, make her initiate the next conversation and to certainly not bring up this weekend. If she doesn't contact me this weekend and doesn't bring it up, then I know my answer. I said "Well, let me know what goes and stuff" so I left it up to her, so if there is something there, then she'll try and set something up. However, I was also thinking that maybe she's afraid to come on too strong because she knows I just got out of a long relationship. That maybe she's shy like me and is afraid to just come out and say it. To counter that idea though, it's not like I didn't give her signs back. I went out this past Friday night and picked up some biscotti for the hell of it, and I offered to bring her some when I saw her on Sunday. I also invited her to join me, but she was already busy. Me also engaging conversation should also have been a sign that I was trying to return the feelings. The last idea of mine is to just say something. I have a ton of work I need to get done before finals, and I can't let this distract me so I kind of just want to say it, put it out there, get it off my back, see what happens and hope it doesn't wreck the friendship.
What I think I'm going to do is that if she tries to set something up this weekend, then I'll tell her than how I feel. She's a great friend and all and I would hate to ruin that, but I'm at the point where I just want to say something to get the load off my back.
Just for clarity... I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship at this point, I just don't know whether to tell her I like her. I'm not looking to be f-buddies or anything remotely close to that either, I just want to see where this goes.
I would like to dedicate this novel to anyone who manages to read the whole thing.
Basically I'm at the point where I just want to say something to her about what's going on. I kind of like her because she's cute and a great person, but I keep getting conflicting signals from her. To make it clearer for you, I'll separate it into what I think are the positive signals and the negative ones.
For the positive side, she's said a couple things that I thought seemed a little overly friendly over the past few weeks. For example, the night of the concert where we talked until 4am, she was saying how she's completely comfortable with me and would feel comfortable telling me anything. A second one was we were talking, and she said how she wanted to do something with me before she left for California since we weren'y going to see each other over winter break, so I suggested we go to dinner and she offered to come to my campus. I saw that as a good sign so I offered we go to a movie too and she said sure. A third one was that she invited me to join her and a few of her friends to go to the Christmas tree lighting in the Boston Common this past thurday (a week ago). I couldn't go because I had chem lab, but I said thanks anyway. A fourth one was this past Sunday when we got our pictures taken together for the CSI: The Experience exhibit at the Museum of Science and she said "Why are we so adorable?" which I thought was kind of a weird thing for a friend to say. Then the final thing happened when I offered for us to go to a popular café for hot chocolate and cannolis this past Sunday (they have the best cannolis in the area). It was cold out and we were waiting for the T and it seemed like something fun to do, so I suggested it and she said that she had work still to do, but that "We'll hafta make another date for that" or something like that. When we were at Best Buy looking for x-mas present ideas, Star Wars was playing on the TVs and we started talking about them and I said how I wanted to maybe rent it and watch it, and she said "Yeah, and we could watch it at my place or your place". Then there were the small body language things. I'm not exactly sure since I've been out of it for a long time, but I'm pretty sure the way she looked at me was not the way a normal friend would. The way talked and stuff, and probably the biggest thing was the way she hugged me both times we parted ways... they were a lot longer that a normal "friends saying goodbye" hug and they were closer than that. Also, after the concert, she made her Facebook picture one of both of us from the night of the concert.
Ok, now for the negatives, which I honestly feel overpower the positives, because I may just be reading into them too much. The biggest negative is that in the three weeks that this has been going on, she has only initiated conversation once. All of the other times were me either calling or texting. I feel like if she felt something, she would have initiated conversation more than once over the three weeks. The other negative happened yesterday. We hadn't talked about the dinner coming up this Sunday for a while and we never really confirmed so I called to say hi, see how things were and to ask about this weekend. I called her during her "Relaxation" part of yoga, so I offered to call back later and she said it was fine, but throughout the conversation it seemed like she definitely had other things on her mind. When I brought up this weekend, I asked "Hey, are we still doing something this weekend? I'm not skiing so I'm free friday and saturday nights if those work better for you." and she said something like "Sure, maybe. I have a lot of studying to do and I definitely wanna get my x-mas shopping done this weekend. My friends and I were thinking of going to Vinny-T's for dinner and maybe a movie, but you're welcome to come too if you want. You're probably gonna be the only guy so you could invite some friends if you wanted." I immediately that as her saying no thanks anymore, but that she was trying to let me down easy by being nice and inviting me out with her friends and stuff.
Now right now I know I'm not ready for a full-on relationship, but I do like her. I have a couple ideas of what to do going through my head. The first of my plans as of now is to lie low, make her initiate the next conversation and to certainly not bring up this weekend. If she doesn't contact me this weekend and doesn't bring it up, then I know my answer. I said "Well, let me know what goes and stuff" so I left it up to her, so if there is something there, then she'll try and set something up. However, I was also thinking that maybe she's afraid to come on too strong because she knows I just got out of a long relationship. That maybe she's shy like me and is afraid to just come out and say it. To counter that idea though, it's not like I didn't give her signs back. I went out this past Friday night and picked up some biscotti for the hell of it, and I offered to bring her some when I saw her on Sunday. I also invited her to join me, but she was already busy. Me also engaging conversation should also have been a sign that I was trying to return the feelings. The last idea of mine is to just say something. I have a ton of work I need to get done before finals, and I can't let this distract me so I kind of just want to say it, put it out there, get it off my back, see what happens and hope it doesn't wreck the friendship.
What I think I'm going to do is that if she tries to set something up this weekend, then I'll tell her than how I feel. She's a great friend and all and I would hate to ruin that, but I'm at the point where I just want to say something to get the load off my back.
Just for clarity... I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship at this point, I just don't know whether to tell her I like her. I'm not looking to be f-buddies or anything remotely close to that either, I just want to see where this goes.
I would like to dedicate this novel to anyone who manages to read the whole thing.