Hi Guys,

Im new to this site so please bear with me! A couple of years ago I dumped my ex g/f because she was thinking of moving away, in my haste I ended the relationship and it took me nearly six months to make things right again.

We had a good two years but this year has been very tough for me, the death of my grandfather and the final stages of my studies had taken their toll on my mental wellbeing and I became depressed, then the problems with my now ex started. I distanced myself from her and our sex life ground to a standstill.

Two months ago she told me it was all over due to my lack of affection and a loss of my get up and go, so she left and at first she emailled me telling me I was the best boyfriend she had ever had and so on... but then she stopped texting and emailling so I got in touch only to be told to move on

A few weeks ago she text me saying a letter (junk mail) had arrived for me at her place and asked if we could be friends to which I said no, the letter was posted and then no word for 7-10 days when she told me she still had some ''stuff'' of mine. Having recently began an new job close to hers (not through choice) she offered to bring the stuff to my work. When she gave me the bag it had clothes in I would have put in the dumpster! She complimented me on how well I looked and asked if I had been going out much, then at the end of it all she said it was lovely seeing me and hugged me so tight I was surprised! Then nothing that was a week ago and I don't know what if anything I should do, I really love this girl, we have been together six years in total and would like to try again but I'm not sure where I stand... any thoughts?

I think if you want to try again she seems willing my man. The old clothes and the "wanna be friends" angle may suggest a reason to contact you. I think your in a good position fortrying again, provided that's what you want.

Friends? Who wants to be friends with an ex, no good ever came of that:)

Thanks for the input

Yeah I do want to try again, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages and I don't want to seem needy or like she can walk all over me after she dumped me.:confused:

That's basically the problem with ex's. I'm in the same boat as you as we speak, your fears are my fears. HOWEVER, I waited and waited for signs and now I have wayyyyy to many to make any proper decision as to what is going on with her, its insane. If you wait too long and look for messages it will make things all the harder, being walked over is just our pride talking and a fear of rejection, again, WELCOME ABOARD!

From the info you provided I see an in for you, forget the mixed signal and get to work, better now than 6 months of this stuff. Besides, try to think that we already got this, they already liked us, so if it is no its not because she's too good, its just circumstances.

I really don't know what to do, when we split I fought tooth and nail to get her back and she hasn't even told me she's sorry for this situation... I really don't know

Could her recent contacts be stirring the flames you are feeling? Having invested a lot of time and emotion is not a good reason to renew a failed relationship. I really think you should go very slow and examine your own motives before you jump back into this. Of course there are unresolved issues here and you want answers you may not get, but one thing for sure if you are still confused or hesitant, deal with that first before making a commitment to retry a relationship. Go very slow with yourself.

Yeah, every time I get myself somewhere near to a good balance again, the phone goes or she turns up to places she knows I'll be. I have started dealing with some of my issues I am no longer mourning my grandfather, I am exercising a lot more and I have found a job which has lifted me and I'm starting to feel good about myself again.

The thing is I can't tell whether she is wanting to try again, I don't want to ask her in case it isn't what she wants. Does she want to try again or is it a case that she doesn't want me but wants no one else to have me either?

No one can explain the female mind. Don't even try to guess her motives, nor should you care for now, as you have too much on your plate to be worried about what she wants. When you are healthier and stronger, you can ask, so assume nothing unless she brings it directly.

Hey guys

I got in touch with my ex today and she was really being nice and asking lots of questions, so I took the plunge and asked her out for a drink, to which she replied ''you can't do the friends thing'' I replied saying I couldn't and wondered if we could be more, she politely turned me down.

So in turn I text her saying ''look I'm sorry I've misread the situation,because you got in touch with me for trivial reasons I won't bother you again so please don't bother me'' I was trying to be mature and civil

To which I was told to f**k off, your being f**king shildish and you need to grow up!

That to me has shown her true colours to me so I'm happy I'm out, thanks for the input

Sounds like she's a real "grown up"!

I know it sounds bad but I am kind of happy for you. You took a shot, acted like a gentleman and now you know:) I'm at the point where knowing seems a lot better than wondering, regardless of the answer, maybe you feel that too.

Going forward, this will bethe last we here of this girl and you'll be back here posting problems about a brand new hotter girl soon enough, WE ALL WILL fingers crossed:)

Good for you man!

You handled that like a pro!! Way to go!

It does sound like she is trying to get back into your life.But the bottom line is she finished with you,so you have to wait and see if she wants you back.The least she should do is let you know what her intentions are.Do not assume she wants you,and then play into her hands.That would only let her off lightly and give her power.Let her honestly tell you she wants you back.If/when she does that,then you do what you feel is right.

Thanks guys that's really nice of you to say such kind words... im worried about seeing her out and about with other guys but I won't do anything stupid, I've tried my best to maintain my dignity throughout this tough time and I have only ever had good intentions.

She's lashed out because I'm not begging or pleading my case I simply said I won't bother you please don't bother me and I mean it, she's wanted to see me I don't know why but now she has.

I know now she won't be back and if she did I know I couldn't go back, I don't feel repressed and like I'm second best... its time to put me first!

I think maybe yes she still has feelings for you but I wouldn't go to far on it because you might be getting signals that are wrong she might just really want to be your friend and to ask her out again might make her think otherwise on the hole thing... although I think you are in good shap she seems as though she really likes you just give it some time

I think she got mad because you did what's best for you, and she was intent on keeping you in the friendzone, for whatever reason. Dumpers are selfish like that, in that they ask for space, but sometimes give you none. They do need to be aware that those that are dumped, almost always want more than friendship, and have a false hope of getting what they lost back. If more dumpee's would be as straight forward about how they feel, they would save themselves the mixed signals, and confusion, that comes with being put in the friendzone, and having contact with the exes.

Exactly, I've always been straight... ive never believed in playing games and trying to guess what's going on it takes too much time and effort.

She's got mad because she wants to feel like she wants to move on but in case the grass isn't greener or she meets someone that may treat her bad she wanted me there just in case, like you said it's a selfish attitude.

I told her I couldn't do the friend thing the first time she got in touch but she persisted in getting in touch with me again about clothes I don't even need/want. Now I've said I won't play the role of fall guy both physically and mentally she's got angry.

I think you've handled the situation well. Now pretend that she doesn't exist anymore and get on with your life.

Hey guy again thanks for the kind words,

Well having been told to grow up I've heard nothing from her since. However, my sister bumped into her in a club over the weekends and she asked how I was, my sister replied that I was doing well and was out enjoying myself... to which she replied that she needed a drink and my sister spotted her with tears rolling down her face! Why would she cry? Its got me baffled!

i became depressed, then the problems with my now ex started. I distanced myself from her and and our sex life ground to a standstill.

Two months ago she told me it was all over due to my lack of affection and a loss of my get up and go, so she left and at first she emailled me telling me i was the best boyfriend she had ever had and so on...but then she stopped texting and emailling so i got in touch only to be told to move on?

With you being depressed and stuff, I would say she only tried dumping you to get a reaction out of you. I don't think she really wanted to dump you, I think she wanted you to snap out of it. I just don't get the part where she tells you to move on...



A few weeks ago she text me saying a letter (junk mail) had arrived for me at her place and asked if we could be friends to which i said no, the letter was posted and then no word for 7-10 days when she told me she still had some ''stuff'' of mine. having recently began an new job close to hers (not through choice) she offered to bring the stuff to my work. when she gave me the bag it had clothes in i would have put in the dumpster!! she complimented me on how well i looked and asked if i had been going out much, then at the end of it all she said it was lovely seeing me and hugged me so tight i was surprised!! then nothing that was a week ago and i dont know what if anything i should do, i really love this girl, we have been together six years in total and would like to try again but im not sure where i stand......any thoughts?

I think she definitely wants you. And this is a really hard situation. I don't know if my advice would be any good or not, but clearly the communication here sucks. I would do face to face contact and see where she stands. If you even want to. Whatever you do, don't do the text/email/phone thing, that's always crap. And if you do get back together, you guys need to sit down and discuss what you will and won't put up with.

Well she has told me to move on twice now, however she cried when she spoke to my sister on Saturday and now she's emailling my so-called friend on a networking site, its idol chit chat but he shouldn't be encouraging her contact with any of my friends and he wasn't her biggest fan when we were together! But he refused to delete her.

I don't know what to do every time I'm getting better she's there in the backgound all of the time, I've tried to cut her out of my life for a while but my friends aren't helping me out

Somethimes women will imply things but won't say them sometimes they like to be chased it makes us feel wanted and needed imnot saying that its right but I do know its true. She probably deep down wants to be back with you and I will go as far as to say she is probably crying at home when she is alone she mentions your name to friends or people because she is hoping someone will say something like yeah I saw him out with so in so so she can resort to anger and that keeps us feeling strong. I think if you really want her back make a grand gesture. Its clear that you both have faults and they should be wel thought out and discusses try something like sending her flowers and attach a list of things you acknowledge you need to work on and at the bottem ask her to make a list as well you will both have time to review and them maybe meet for coffee to discuss how to fix the issues and have a fresh start remember being honest in the beginning will save you in the end.

That's it.

If you want her as a friend - she's ready.

If not, forget it. She is no longer dating material big guy.

New adventures await.

Maybe your right,

I am trying to move on and I'm trying as much as possile not to contact her but she seems to have stayeed in my life through contacting me and keeping in contact with my friends they aren't even mutual... most of them don't like her

You know its been a little while since I posted on here well I've heard nothing since from my ex and I believe its close to the three week mark for N/C but I've had a real struggle not getting in touch over the xmas period and its making me very upset!

I think the holidays are a terrible time to be going through anything like this, I just don't want to do anything at all, except cry2!

You know its been a little while since i posted on here well ive heard nothing since from my ex and i believe its close to the three week mark for N/C but ive had a real struggle not getting in touch over the xmas period and its making me very upset!!

i think the holidays are a terrible time to be going through anything like this, i just dont want to do anything at all, except cry2!!

Yeah :( It's a very tough time to be going through this. You aren't alone though! It's day 27 of NC for me. Hang in there... I hope it gets easier soon...

It gets easier, I have been doing NC for 5 months. And just in the last week she has been doing little things to get my attention. Don't crash. You have gone this long don't throw it away now. Show her that you are more important then her. Your happiness out wieghs anything your "ex" brings to the table. Trust/ In the past months I have realized things that I would have never realized if it weren't for some of the people on this site. No one can make you happy but YOU. Thinking if she will, what if, if I just do this is a waste of energy and time . You should focus on becoming a better you, and the mind set that you can do better because you have become a better person in your time apart. It gets a lot easier especially when you get to the point when you care for the person but not for the relationship. It gets easier..

She sounds pretty messed up. Although to the dumpee the ex can be a very tempting place to go, its not often in your best interests. You said you wanted another go and nothing happened. I would leave it at that and stop wasting your life. There's too much to be done to be waiting around for someone.

It takes two to make the relationship work; she is looking for a puppy.

Yeah I think your right and I think she will be expecting me to crack because I've done it in the past especially because its been xmas and new year is upon us. I still feel the same way about her as when we were together but I think n/c is the best way I don't know what she's doing so I can't be hurt and also she knows I'm not there to fall back on!

She will test you, right? Be ready and be strong. Day by day, week by week. This will pass.

I believe that I am being tested! About an hour after I posted I received a text message from her, one of those chain ones saying 2008 is a year for loving, laughing, forgiving etc text this to all of your friends and if you receive three back you're a good friend!

Don't know what the hell all that is about!

You puke yet?

Not yet I've not reacted

Don't!

Oh I won't, I don't know why she has done it, it may have been an accident or something and it was just a chain text thing so I decided that if its not about us then I shouldn't react

Well the new year has came and gone and I heard nothing from her which has just frustrated me more about the text the other night I just don't know what she's playing at!

Stupid thing is I still miss her and I do want her back!

You srote: "Stupid thing is i still miss her and i do want her back!!" Yep, that's the way it is now, but it won't always. Continue NC, for yourself, not to get her back. Hour by hour, day by day,. And you will be fine. You've heard that saying, 'Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me'?

Yeah I've heard that saying its very true, can't help how I'm feeling at the moment, I still love her and probs would try and give things another go.

Im just tired of the games like sending me random texts about nothing, after telling me to grow up last time we spoke directly... just really confusing, she should just really leave me alone I've asked her not to bother me unless its important. That's the worst bit I'm not encouraging her contact in the slightest

"All my ex's live in texas....that's why i hang my hat in tennessee."

-George Strait

If you can't move your address, try to at least move your mind.


.

I very nearly snapped last night and text her what she was thinking sending me that chain text, I'm just so sick of trying to figure her out all of the time wondering why she's done things, is the text to get my attention? To feel me out and see my reaction? I haven't got any ideas left.

I know, I know! I should be concentrating on me and I am, I'm in a much healthier place than I was a few weeks ago and I'm enjoying my life at the moment she just seems to always be lingering in the background despite my best efforts not to contact her.

Why can't she just leave me alone if she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?

i very nearly snapped last night and text her what she was thinking sending me that chain text, im just so sick of trying to figure her out all of the time wondering why shes done things, is the text to get my attention? to feel me out and see my reaction? i havent got any ideas left.

i know, i know!! i should be concentrating on me and i am, im in a much healthier place than i was a few weeks ago and im enjoying my life at the moment she just seems to always be lingering in the background despite my best efforts not to contact her.

Why can't she just leave me alone if she doesnt want anything to do with me anymore?

For control. She wants you to always think about her regardless of how or what she feels for you. Just keep ignoring her, and don't let her know it gets to you.

With a stroke of a key, she can shake your world, send her to spam. She will make a pest of herself to stay on your mind, the reasons are her own, but meant to confuse and distract you. An infantile way of getting your attention. Ignore her, and stay on your path.

Man that's rough. Lucky for me, my ex is with some other guy... so she doesn't REALLY play mind games... nor is she really the type to play games like that.

She sent me an e-mail explaining our breakup, and that was it. But I guess we'll see what happens when she realizes that the new guy sucks and we get back to school.

Hang in there big guy. Good luck.

Yeah it is rough, I mean we have had a break before (down to me) and she just disappered and I had to do all of the work to get there back, of the three times (in three months) no contact has been broken its been down to her!

Well I haven't heard of her being with anyone, its not my business but if she was she would have no need to text me things like that... I know it was just a chain text but saying things like send this to all of the people you love and don't want to lose in 2008 has really messed me up!

Yeah I feel you. For now, do your own thing. Go get a buddy to go on a run with you, or go to the gym, or even go out for drinks or watch a movie. I know that the days are fine, and the nights are rough... at night, I used to just go to the gym until I couldn't lift my arms... come home, shower, and just pass out.

Ignore it. Let her wonder what you're doing. Don't let it get to you!!

Yeah that's a good idea, I can't work out at the moment I've done some damage to my hip, I a good runner and do about 10-15 miles per week but for six weeks that's a no-no!

The best thing I can do is ignore it, it will make her see I'm not there to rely on all of the time and if she don't want me back I'm gone for good, its just so hard not to react when you still feel for someone so much! It will be driving her mad because I didn't text her nor did I text her at xmas and new year so maybe she's getting the message I don't know!

There you go. As for me, my ex hasn't contacted me at all... no xmas... no new year's... only one e-mail after we broke up. So I guess... NC isn't that hard. Only thing is, I feel like I'm not "gaining" the power... which kind of sucks. I was expecting her to call/text and things of that nature... hmm

It's all right. She does her thing. I'll do mine. If we meet again, I guess we'll see what happens.

Good on you my friend that's the attitude to have, with life you never know what's happening next!

I'd have rather had it your way to be honest at least she's been honest and let you be in so letting you begin to heal in your own way, my ex has came in and out of my life since the split, I don't even think she knows what she wants but me begging isn't going to help no one so I'm doing nothing and getting on.

Im not too sure who has the power in my relationship I just know that although it hurts what I'm doing is best for me with or without her in the long run!

I agree: you've got to look out for you in the relationships. You get too carried away with being with her, if she isn't honest, you are in big trouble. Way to go.

Well my ex isn't honest, I never know what she's thinking or feeling its always a game, trying to figure her out, so I've given up on trying to figure it out all I care about is what I'm thinking and feeling and right now that's doing the trick... I'll have bad days I know that but I'm getting there... I think!

Well, she hasn't been honest. In fact, she's denied the new relationship... to me and her friends. So no one really knows what's going on... but the signs are there: she's been spotted driving his car... he's been spotted leaving her room (she lives in a dorm) in the morning... etc. but I don't really care. Whatever she does, she does. I'm sure she's keeping it a secret to escape judgment from her friends/family.

Anyway, it's a new year! Girls don't think about how their gameplan might backfire. They think IF I PLAY MIND GAMES WITH HIM, HE'LL COME BACK.. . what if he doesn't? Women. Psh.

There have been some wonderfully, excellent statements made on AMHD the past few weeks by women who love their men; there is no question about how they feel and what they are willing to do. If your girl is causing you confusion and your stomach is not feeling good, you've got big-time issues. We need to call a spade a spade.

Sneeze: Sorry to hear that man, nobody should be lied to like that, keep you head up you seem like a good guy and I'm a firm believer in good things happen to good people!

George:im a bit confused... what are you trying to say, it might just be me reading it wrong, I'm a bit stupid today! Lol

She is confusing me about what she wants from me, its like if you don't want to be with me stop contacting me, surely she knows that's what's best for both of us and I have already told her not to bother me and I won't bother her.

Im not letting it get to me I'm just getting on with things and IF (BIG, BIG IF) she decides she wants to get me back she has work to do I have nothing to prove to anyone least of all myself! As things stand its over and I'm working towards making me feel better about myself I don't need her for that, it just feels a little up in the air whenever she breaks N/C

I was getting the train to work this morning and my ex gets on the same train, she was way out of her normal route, she must have driven out of her way to get there, she hovered around me I just stood listening to my iPod and ignoring her then when she saw me (she didn't know I saw her) she went to the other end of the platform!

She's sent me that stupid text to get my attention now when she sees me she freezes and sneaks around me to avoid speaking, is this because I've not text her back and she's frightened to talk to me?

Could it be your healing has her confused, even more?

I don't know I haven't got a clue anymore! lol! Maybe, maybe she hasn't heard from me so has gone for a chance meeting but when she's seen me she's got frightened to talk to me face to face I really don't know.

What do you think tman?

I think after all the time she has spent with you, she is alone now. The grass was not greener on the other side, so she is returning to her familiar, and reliable, YOU. Does that mean you should open that door again, NO, heal first and then make a decision on what direction you want to go. She may just want your friendship and support. Well you asked.

Good answer, I think I'm staying out of it and staying away from her unless she contacts me directly about us, I also think your right I'm at that 50-50 stage where one moment I want her back and the next I don't so I have to take a little step back from it for a while.

I also think your right that she's had her fun and the party season is over she's starting to miss the relaibility, well I'm not that easy to turn I might have in the past but not now I'm stronger, I'm no longer a lap dog!

Well she isn't getting friendship or support from me she gave those up when she left so if that's what she wants she's not going to be very happy!

I'm kind of weirded out about the whole "go out of her way to get on your train" then "run away when she sees you" thing. If she knew you didn't see her... why did she run away? It's like going all the way to the store to buy milk, then go to the milk aisle, then turn back. Why..

why did she run away? it's like going all the way to the store to buy milk, then go to the milk aisle, then turn back. why...?

She probably felt stupid when he was ignoring her as he was listening to his iPod.

Yeah I mean all she had to do was tap me on the shoulder, I'm not a nasty person I would have at least given her some polite conversation, but I didn't want to make the first move and look like I was desperate to talk to her

I mean maybe it was a coincidence but it does seem weird that she turned up there it is quite far out of her way

She probably felt stupid when he was ignoring her as he was listening to his ipod.

Had to spread the love but I think your right LOL!:D

I'm not too sure you guys it could have been a coincidence, these things do happen and I couldn't see her car park which may suggest she was dropped of by someone and I've heard nothing from her since... maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part I mean I've heard nothing from her as yet, do I expect some sort of contact in the coming week(s)?

What do I do now nothing? I really don't now what's for the best!

Any advice on what I do next folks?

You wrote: "i mean maybe it was a coincidence but it does seem weird that she turned up there it is quite far out of her way." I don't believe in coincidences.

You wrote: "I didn't want to make the first move and look like I was desperate to talk to her" You aren't desperate; you are one of us.

Advice: When in doubt, NC.

I think you right I should go continue with no contact

Well I've just got a new cell phone, I text her the number but just saying this is my new number, she got the same text as my mother so it was nothing special. I know I've broken N/C but I didn't make a direct connection I didn't mention our relationship or make it personal in any way and won't text her again! I wished I hadn't text her at all it was a moment of total stupidity!

Ive left it at that and now it's continued N/C until she breaks it, if she doesn't then so be it

I think you right i should go continue with no contact

Well ive just got a new cell phone, i text her the number but just saying this is my new number, she got the same text as my mother so it was nothing special. i know ive broken N/C but i didnt make a direct connection i didnt mention our relationship or make it personal in any way and wont text her again! i wished i hadnt text her at all it was a moment of total stupidity!!

Ive left it at that and now it's continued N/C until she breaks it, if she doesnt then so be it

Oh damn, that was a bad move. In my opinion anyway. To me, what you did made a statement. It shows that you don't think highly enough of yourself to think she could possibly get in contact with you without a phone number! If she wants you, she will get ahold of you regardless of knowing your cell phone number. I mean, I know it's the communication age and all, but believe it or not, there is such as thing as her going to your house, contacting one of your relatives perhaps, etc.

Your 100% right! Its made me look weak when I was doing so well... I only have myself to blame I should have put some distance between us it may avoid a lot of confusion on my part.

Yeah I know it was stupid! I really wished I hadn't done that all I can say in my defence is that it just looks as if I sent the same text to everyone in my phone book and hers was no different to anyone else's but I still regret it now! I haven't heard anything back from her which I wasn't expecting anyway if I'm being honest.

Ce la vie I can't take it back! Back to N/C!

That's the very reason its good to delete her number. It only took you seeing her to get a new cell, and contact her, and with such lame excuse. Your trying to get her to call you so, now what? Its one thing to be dishonest with us, but I know your not dishonest with yourself.

maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part I mean I've heard nothing from her as yet, do I expect some sort of contact in the coming week(s)?

You gave her your new number for that exactly, no matter how contrite you say you are.

I had already ordered my new cell the day before I saw her, it arrived and I text everyone in my phone book I really wished I hadn't now I mean like you said in previous posts she can send me her spam and mess me about. I think me seeing her made a lot of feelings I thought I had the better of come to the surface and in a moment of weakness I snapped!

I have now deleted her number from my phone and I do not know it so I can no longer text her when drunk, lonely etc.

Back to N/C it's the only thing I can do and I was doing well I'm so disappointed in myself today!

Your 100% right!! its made me look weak when i was doing so well....i only have myself to blame i should have put some distance between us it may avoid alot of confusion on my part.

yeah i know it was stupid!! i really wished i hadnt done that all i can say in my defence is that it just looks as if i sent the same text to everyone in my phone book and hers was no different to anyone elses but i still regret it now!! i havent heard anything back from her which i wasnt expecting anyway if im being honest.

Ce la vie i can't take it back!! back to N/C!!

Yeah, even though you wanted it to appear that you gave it to everyone, all it shows her is that she is important enough to get your new number. She totally thinks you aren't over her cause putting myself in your ex's shoes, I would be thinking... "he totally wants me." Then I would be getting all full of myself.

Well maybe your right (sigh! ) there's nothing I can do now, its back to N/C and I have no real desire to get in touch with her now... I know I shouldn't have done it but its too late, we've all made mistakes and emotionally I'm not in as much turmoil as I have been in the past so that's some progress!

N/C is the only way to bring he back down to earth then so it's that for me from now on (smile)!

That's the right answer, you'll be okay, just stay on that path.

Keep on the No Contact role, it seems she is testing the waters a bit to see if she still has you on the strings. I could be wrong, but that's how it appears to me from reading. If you stay with No Contact things might get even better... For some reason most women like it when they are ignored... Strange concept.. You give them attention they walk, treat them badly.. They stick around

Yeah I think your right I'm moving myself away best I can, I know I made a mistake but its done now and I'm quite comfortable with no contact right now as its helping me get stronger. I'm also getting more comfortable in my own company I don't need someone there all of the time... I just read books whatch movies etc and relax

Well its treat them mean, keep them keen isn't it. The more you push the less they want and the more you pull away they get interested!

Well its treat them mean, keep them keen isn't it. The more you push the less they want and the more you pull away they get interested!

Naw, not at all. That's a losers lament. A healthy man with a happy balanced life, doesn't have to treat them mean, and keep them keen.

Well its treat them mean, keep them keen isn't it. The more you push the less they want and the more you pull away they get interested!

As pathetic as it is, and as much as I hate to bash my own gender, that statement is true a majority of the time.

Not treat them mean, but if you play it off and don't pursue.. The flock like birds, but if you give them attention they go elsewhere... That's just what I have seen.

No that's just a phrase used in England it doesn't literally mean be mean to them its just like you said not being interested sparks interest!

Less is more so to speak!

Oh OK.. I was like great now people are going to think I treat girls like trash to get them to stick around ha ha

No its not beating a girl up to make them like you lol!

Lol... good.. because I was going the wrong route then.. I'm trying the No Contact thing myself and it is incredibly hard.. I'm only on day 3

Just keep trying my friend don't ask me for any advice I'm not exactly mr no contact at the moment!

You'll have ups and downs like the rest of us but keep trying and trying and don't let yourself get too confused like me!

lol...good..cuz I was going the wrong route then..I'm trying the No Contact thing myself and it is incredibly hard..I'm only on day 3

Day 3 huh?

Well, it gets easier over time,... but you won't feel the little changes for at least 4 weeks.
Then it gets tougher - BUT your brain is being trained and it DOES get easier during the second 4 weeks...

See my Guide Below to get thru it the best you can.

Try not to cave - it's not healthy - even though it feels good for the moment.
Then it feels worse.

you won't feel the little changes for at least 4 weeks.
Then it gets tougher - BUT your brain is being trained and it DOES get easier during the second 4 weeks.....


Wow, that's freaky how accurate that is... it really did get tougher after four weeks. (it's my two month day today of the breakup and like 41 days of NC) and today I was actually extremely happy for like the second time during this whole thing.

I think it gets harder, I think keep your distance is the only way to heal but its is very hard indeed in fact I would put this up there as one of if not the biggest challenges of my life so far... im still stuck in the hoping she'll come back... will she won't she stage! I can't help feeling that way I thought after three months apart I'd be much stronger than I'm proving to be!

Im just trying to get on with things but its more of an exsistance than a life right now!

I know how you feel Maggie... I still hope my ex comes back, and look for any sign of hope. I know it's not right and completely the opposite reason for NC, but I'm new to it, so I have to learn this idea. And the fact that she has her friends drive past my house 4 times while I'm outside doesn't help my confused mind...

Yeah that's why N/C can be good, it helps stop a lot of confusion and unelss your ex contacts you direct then your pretty safe... you know my story and I think it's a complicated one so I have no idea how its going to turn out. For now I'm trying my best to work on me but she still enters my head very often every day!

I think N/C can get their interest up but its not a tonic to get them back I think you working on yourself and being independent and happy in yourself is the most attractive thing for any person not just your ex!

Your in the early stages things could work out soon enough but stick with what the people advise on here and what you know you have to do because nobody knows your mind but you

Yea, it was so hard. I mean I'm not 100% positive it was her and her friends.. But my one friend dates my ex friend and he said they were out having "a girls night out." As soon as I heard that.. I went to text my ex saying "if you going to keep driving by my house, at least stop and talk" but I didn't... I'm making progress

Well done! Don't rise to it my friend, that's what she wants to do... she was probably showing off to her girlfriends just stay silent she's in the happy I'm free stage and will be going out and enjoying herself but over time that fades and you realise the grass isn't greener on the other side, believe me I've been there myself!

What made it all better... I was outside talking to a great friend who was a girl... So the jealousy level probably went through the roof.

Well that's good. Her messing around backfired... but try no to get into a ''you did this so I did that'' situation... just drop of her radar for a while act like your not bothered if she fools around driving by then get on with building yourself back up!

It's the only way forward!

Oh.. I'm not even going to act like I knew it was her. I work with my ex, so if I see her tonight. I'll put on my happy face and only say hi, how are you if she talks first

Just be you don't put on a big show she'll see through it... just say hi and leave it at that!

Im finding today really hard, I don't want to contact her I just want to know why she keeps confusing me by texting me then ignoring me then getting on my train and waiting around me a little while and dissaperaing! So many questions but no answers!

Exactly... Im curious as to why my ex decided to drive by my house last night with her friends... It's like if you have something to say, be mature and pick up the phone and call.. I won't pick up the first time but you can try again... I refuse to text back.. Unless it's "I think we should meet up and talk"

It may have been more her friends and she just went along with it, but to be honest let it go and keep it strictly business for a little while I'm not saying be horrible just keep your contact if you must to a minimum and see what happens

With mine its like what do you want from me... you dumped me then messed me around a bit then disappeared and now your texting me and your off again!

Exactly! She dumped me because I was too jealous which I was but I am actively getting help in that department.. I'm just going to keep my contact to a minimum and see how she likes it ha ha.. I don't care if that came of mean either lol

Lol I mean its been three months for me but there always seems to be something going on... its like every 2-3 weeks either of us breaks the silence at times I think I'm just deluding myself by hoping she will come back, maybe I am but I just don't get why she won't just let me go if she doesn't want me back!

It like she doesn't want me but doesn't want me to move on, to me that's a sure sign she's struggling to move on but like I say I could be deluded!

Yea I know how you feel. I mean I'm doing this NC thing in hopes I can move on or move on and make her see what's she's missing out on. Its not like she's out hookin up with other guys or anything

I hate myself for loving a woman that doesn't want me! A lot of my friends think I've made her life much better than when I met her, I mean she had very few friends had little money etc and I looked after her and gave her everything she wanted but now she knows I can't make it any better she's off to find a man that can! Also a lot of my friends thought she thought she was better than most people I don't know why, she has no real reason to think like that were all working class people trying to earn a living and be happy and I never saw it myself but love is blind!

Hey, Im kind of in the same situation as you man. Im in day 4 of NC. I'm not going to lie, I love her to death. But haven't contacted her at all since she broke it off because she just wanted time with her friends. But of course she still loves me and doesn't want anybody else. I did see her in a parking lot and she waived, I just kept going. It killed me. Anyway, I think Im doing the right thing with the NC. Just bear with me and tell me if this makes sense. Do you think she believes Im mad at her? I mean, could this in any way stop her from wanting me back?

MLB,

She will decide on her own if she wants you back. She will call. No Contact is appropriate here. You do the no contact for yourself, so you can move on. If she isn't calling you, she's not interested. Don't wonder if you're making her mad by not calling her, it's just torture, and ultimately, you cannot control the situation. Don't be outright mean, if she sees you on the street and says hello, say hello back, but keep it short and tell her you've got stuff to do, and you have to go. If she's serious about dating you, she'll attempt to make it right.

Good answer Aboleth.. I'm in a similar situation as MLB only my ex broke it off because of my jealousy and it pushed her so far away. I did the whole begging for another chance, the crying "please baby" routine and it didn't work. So now I am doing the NC road in hopes she does return, but it's also helping me to move on and become stronger. I'm still taking my jealousy courses, my therapy visits and reading my books. I use to check her myspace tons of times a day.. Now I haven't checked it since the day before New Years. I had the urge to in the beginning, but now I don't care :-) Ignorance is bliss

Yesterday was a real struggle for me... I hated myself all day and put myself down but speaking to my friend last night hit home a few things that were bad about the relationship on both our parts... now I feel like I can start to move on and let my feelings for her go id still like her back but I'm at the point now where I'm thinking if its meant to be it will rather than hope she'll come back

N/C all the way for me from now on... its time I sorted myself out and started thinking about me and only me! I'll have bad times and I hope you guys will be there to help me but its time I let go!

I'm here for you, we are in the same boat. I still hope she sees my changing and comes back. I think she's worried that if she comes back right now that I will stop changing and go back to how I was. The only way to prove otherwise is to move on, keep getting help with my jealousy and hope for the best. But I'm doing the NC road. My 5th day today. Yesterday was rough because I saw her at work. I wanted to curl up into a ball, but then when I got home I got good news of me passing my jealousy course, and a phone call from my instructor saying he has never seen someone so determined and motivated before. So I am now onto course number 2 with the same motivation and even more determination.

I think it may be a good exercise to write out the 'pros' and 'cons' of the dumper. I find myself doing that often in my mind, which does some good, but it may be better to actually write it down because it may separate some of the emotion from fact.

See George, I would do that. But to be honest, I was completely at fault. I have tried to think of things she did wrong, but I couldn't come up with any. There's a song that I heard "I want to hate you so bad, but I can't" I'm right in that boat. She really was perfect for me. I spent 3 long days of no sleep thinking of cons and came up with stupid ones like not talking out a fight. Live and learn I guess

thinking of cons and came up with stupid ones like not talking out a fight. Live and learn I guess

That would seem a biggie to me, as the way a couple resolves their issues, is paramont to a healthy relaionship. Unresolvved or ignored issues tend to comeback, and you fight somemore. Just me though, there has to be communication, somewhere along the line when problems come up. Trust me, none of us is perfect, and neither is your ex. Something's that are negative, we can accept, but others are not, you may accept her not talking through a problem, I do not. Get her off that pedestal, and look at her in a realistic light. I guarantee she has her own issues to work on, we all do.

Lol.. Yea, but the thing was, 9/10 times when I would want her to talk out a fight, it would be really late at night and while the fight would be resolved, I would still press the issue. Something I learned about after reading a few books, basically beating a dead horse. Yea she had a few negative aspects and I will try to find some more. I will have to think more level headed now, since I am going NC with her

Me and my ex never really fought... we'd bicker about silly things I can only remember us having maybe three real fights in six years we were both pretty easy going... I think that was the problem lol no spark!

It sucks Maggie... But all we can do is hope that time A. heals our wounds and makes us better and wiser and B. Brings them back to us. Some people don't like to hear about wanting them to come back... But honestly, I want her back. On here I can be completely honest, just around others I have to "be strong"

When you have been through the whole process of healing, you will know what you want, and can be realistic about it. Everyone wants the ex back, at the beginning of a break up.

Very true... I know one day I'll feel better, but this is how I feel now. I wish the whole NC process worked quicker ha ha... And no, not quicker as in her getting in touch with me, quicker as in healing. I want to fall asleep but can't and if I do I'm only dreaming of her and waking up feeling worse.

If I'm honest I still want her back but I'm trying to take steps now that I've been frightened of in the past instead of waiting instead of hoping/waiting for her to come back I'm actively seeking to move on for the first time which shows I'm at least now coming to terms with things... its going to be tough but I'm going to give it my best shot!

Yea, I am coming to terms with the fact she is gone. But then when her friends tell you "you never know" it kind of makes you stop and think. I came very close to talking to her yesterday and just asking if she missed me and still thinks of me. But NC means just that. I'll be fine, as soon as I get her out of my mind. Each day it's going to get better and better.

You will never know, none of us do I know people that never thought their ex would caome back but they did and they tried again... also I know people who's ex's came back to find it was too late! Don't live in hope, just live!

You'll have ups and downs, we all have.. my ex has driven me crazy by messing me around but you can only take so much hurting before they drop of the pedestal and you see them as just a person, one you loved but at the end of the day just a person

Very true.. It's a very very hard road and one I wasn't looking forward to taking on... I wish I had changed while we were together, but either way, I'm still going to do my changing and just see where life takes me.

I agree with talaniman, I TRIED to break out a greeny but it said I have to spread some reputation around first? What's all that? Sorry talaniman:(

I think what both of you guys are doing is aces, honestly, you should be proud of yourselves. Talaniman was bang on telling you to get her down from her pedestal, if you keep her up there it will be harder for you.

I was stubborn, stupid, and a bit crazy over my girl and now a moment of clarity has put things into perspective and going N/C makes sense and is well worth the early stages of suffering. BOTH of you will have bad days but it will be worth it when she creeps slowly out of your head and you'll wonder what the hell made you care so much. At the end of the road you will see that not thinking about her constantly is a much better reward than her herself:) I am amazed at how good it can be, FINALLY be able to think about something other than her. STAY STRONG, you'll get there soon guys.

BMI how long ago did your relationship end... Any chance you can tell how long you did no contact for and just basic details about what happened... It would help us out to her a success story with getting over that person

LOL! A success story, hardly:)

I went 3 months N/C and I was where you guys are now after a couple of weeks and then it got much better. I caved after 3 months and called her and the insanity and worry came back all at once. For 3/4 months I spoke to her trying to win her back playing games and interpreting actions and I know no more about what is going on with her now than I knew 6 months ago. All the while the good people here said go N/C and move on, I didn't listen and pushed my own views on the subject.

Fast forward to last week, I blocked all contact with her (again). I recall seeing one of you guys saying that you don't check myspace anymore, well I did you better and had a computer guy BLOCK myspace, Facebook and MSN from my computer, only the guy from the store knows the password and I told him to never tell me should I ever come round to ask. It's been 7 days since I cannot see, talk, look at pictures, and I am somuch better than I thought I would be, really. I thinkaboutother things and when I get an urge to check her stuff I cannot not, and I don't care really, I'll never know, that makes it easier to deal with, I just won't know:)

So my story is in full support of what you guys are doing. Different in a sense that I already went N/C for 3 months and I'm sure its made this N/C stage a lot easier than where your at now. However, be vigilant and stand behind the decision you have made, as with me I went 3 months and out of nowhere I was dialing her number, always be aware of the "craving" to call and destroy your N/C. PLEASE listen to allon the website whotell you it's the best thing you'll do for yourself, don't be a fool like me and waste months thinking about her only to come back and start again. I can't reiterate enough how wonderful thinking about things other than her has felt for the past week, I think its called sanity:)

Well it is a rocky road and I know I can't just rid myself of thoughts about a girl that was my best friend, my world even for six years after just three months... it will take time but I know me thinking about it and hoping isn't going to make her come back si its time to stop doing it and start rebuilding. I am finding it hard because she seems to come and go out of my life.. if it happens again I'm going to aske her to cut me off and leave me be which I already have but didn't seem to work last time.

Im really serious with N/C now I realises its not about her but about me... its all about me and part of that is thinking where I went wrong in the relationship and when I am ready for a new one I'll be much the better for it.. I believe that now

BMI. How long did you guys date? And... what's she doing now? Has she tried contacting you ever since you went N/C after the whole 3 month thing?

I'm currently on week 4... 5? Don't really remember... hard to keep track huh? I originally thought week 5. but I just looked on the calendar and it's only been 3 full weeks. Weird...

Anyway, complete n/c. my ex hasn't tried to contact me except for one e-mail last week explaining why we broke up. She wanted more freedom to hang out with her friends... needed space... time... wanted to think... yadda... yadda.

Anyway, the first 2 weeks of NC was a joke. It was so easy. For some reason, this week's a little rough. Not to contact her, but I feel a bit anxious (school's restarting... so I'll probably run into her).

Yea, my friend challenged me for the whole myspace thing for my New Years Resolution and I can honestly say ignorance is bliss... My ex is a true sweetheart and has never had a boyfriend before me, so head games is not my biggest dilema if she does in fact decide to contact me. I have my good and bad days with the whole calling her and texting her. I mean some hope was given when her friend told me that, and then when my ex was driving past my house. I'm not all like "we're getting back together" hope, but I'm like OK, she obviously still thinks of me. Which is actually helping the whole N/C state I'm in because its hard to miss someone, but easier when you know they miss you too. It's a weird thing but it has helped me. Everyday is a struggle, and I do still hope she calls. But will in fact make it so I don't pick up the first time, and call her back later so I can think about what to say instead of acting on impulse and emotion. Us guys know... That only gets us in trouble

ISneeze funny, any details you share to shed on your relationship? I'm sorry if I'm prying into your guys relationship but hearing about how/why things happened in their relationship helps me along.. And the fact that people can actually do this NC thing is like wow.. Ok I can do this

This is the worst time for me the weekend, its when I feel at my lonliest for some reason... during the week I'm at work then I'm tired on the nights so I just laze around but at the weekend when I have more time I really feel it I mean I go out with friends and have a good time, but it might be the fact that's when we spent the majority of our quality time together. It may be the fact that I know she'll be out with her friends and may meet someone but I'm ignorant to the facts which helps me somewhat!

That's the biggest thing for me to shake the weekend blues but I'm trying... positive thinking and N/C!

I know how you feel, me and my ex would spend Friday and Saturday nights together.. I would cherish that time too. This will be the first weekend of NC.. Wish me luck with it... But I have my Garth Brooks song "More than a memory" on repeat and ready lol... I go out with friends just like you maggie, but then when I come home, the loniliness hits me, hard.

ISneeze funny, any details you share to shed on your relationship? i'm sorry if I'm prying into your guys relationship but hearing about how/why things happened in their relationship helps me along..And the fact that people can actually do this NC thing is like wow..Ok I can do this

If you want detailed info, check my post "i'm doing nc, what about her"

Cliffnotes version:

We dated for 3 years. I was her first everything. She wasn't my first anything, but nevertheless, I cared for her like she was. Everything was excellent. Better than good. It felt like it could have gone the distance... but then she had a busy semester, but we still tried to hang out a lot. Regardless, one week, she just seemed distant. So I asked her what was going on, and she said she needed space. She felt that my emotions were growing and hers was standing still.

3 days later, I see her hanging out with this one kid I was suspicious of pre-breakup (btw, I'm a relatively jealous guy... not crazy jealous, but if a guy hits on her, and she doesn't reject him but is "nice" to him, I'll get a little jealous and ask her what's going on). Anyway, a week later, I find out from her friends (my friends as well) that he's been spending the night, taking her out to eat, etc. nevertheless, I was a little angry.

I went NC that week. I haven't heard from her since. I have no idea what she's doing... at all. Knowing her for 3 years, my logic tells me THERE'S NO WAY THERE'S A NEW GUY... mainly because she's not the type to find another guy. She really isn't. I was her first everything. But the signs are all there. Her friends don't know what's going on... my friends don't know what's going on... really, no one knows what's going on.

So far, I've been going to the gym, running regularly, reading a book, focusing at work, and just chugging along. We'll see what happens when school starts next week.

Yea lately I have seen my ex becoming friends with this guy. I'm not threatened by him at all, and her friend told me they are just friends. But dude is a little shady. Lately I have been working out harder than I ever have and writing new songs and playing them with the help of my friend and they aren't the nicest songs in the world but it's how heartache feels. I'm supposed to sing in my friends band this upcoming weekend with a few of my songs being used and I think my ex got wind of this

It seems tome you guys are all at the same point in the N/C. What is interesting to me is that most of you still have all nice things to say about the girls, and a lot of wondering what they are doing is going around here to.

I can see it because I just went through it, I'm not 100% cured of this but like I mentioned before, I'm about 50 steps ahead of where I was all because I used N/C. OUT OF SIGH OUT OF MIND!! I can't stress that enough.

Its normal to put them on a pedestal and blame the break-up on what you did. I think a lot of people point out what they did wrong in the relationship to convince themselves that this is why she is not coming back just yet. You have to see the girl in reality, your head is not grounded just yet and so they seem so great. After awhile you start seeing them in their true form, a girl like most others, not some saviour sent down from on high. ONCE you reach that stage, allthe effort of not calling and messaging will be well worth it.

You'll be all right Romefalls... if you get lonely come on here and spill your guts that's what I do! Look I won't lie to you your in for a tough and confusing time but stick at it.

As for me I'm trying not to think about her too much I just want to enjoy my weekend with my friends its tough and I know at some point I will get caught out by it but it doesn't rule me anymore!

BMI I think your right, we all think its our fault... now I think she's just taken me for granted and thinks she'll get the same consideration elsewhere that's how I feel now and that us splitting up is nothing to do with me personally or about me as a boyfriend

Its normal to put them on a pedestal and blame the break-up on what you did.

It's weird because I'm not doing that at all. I think I did a pretty good job, actually. In fact, I know many of her friends that are always yelling at their own boyfriends to be more like me. I don't blame myself for what happened. Could I have done some things differently? Of course. Everyone can. Did I make a HUGE mistake? No, not that I can think of.

For me, it's more like... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED. I guess she just needed more freedom. I can deal with that. It sucks, but I can deal with it. I'm just angry about the new kid. That's all. It's OK boys and girls.

I'm similar to that... my ex's friends all have boyfriends that cheat on them or treat them bad... on of her friends boyfriend was texting another of her friends asking for sex and she still forgave him! Me I did nothing of the sort, but you see that gets taken for granted after a while and they get restless because we don't have edge and were not bad to them!

F@ck it, it's their loss

Some of her friends are on my side saying that oh if he changes and makes all the attempts to fix his jealousy you should at least hear him out and all this stuff. But the fact remains, at the end of the day, I'll be the one standing tall without jealousy and a great girl on my arm.. If it's her so be it, if not then someone else will come along. Will she always have a place in my heart? Of course, but I can't wait forever for her. My heart isn't a revolving door and I'm on my own now. I'm going to do what I need to do to better MYSELF... I know this break up was my fault, I can't deny that. Having her text me almost every hour, getting mad if she went out with certain friends. No guys could request or add on myspace.. Trust me I was pretty bad. But I'm getting past a lot of my problems with the help I need and support of friends so I will beat this.

Some of her friends are on my side saying that oh if he changes and makes all the attempts to fix his jealousy you should at least hear him out and all this stuff. But the fact remains, at the end of the day, I'll be the one standing tall without jealousy and a great girl on my arm.. If it's her so be it, if not then someone else will come along. Will she always have a place in my heart? Of course, but I can't wait forever for her. My heart isn't a revolving door and I'm on my own now. I'm going to do what I need to do to better MYSELF...I know this break up was my fault, I can't deny that. Having her text me almost every hour, getting mad if she went out with certain friends. No guys could request or add on myspace..Trust me I was pretty bad. But I'm getting past a lot of my problems with the help I need and support of friends so I will beat this.

Sounds like you are a little insecure but what I found is I also can be insecure and lack confidence but if they are doing things that make u unconfortable beyond that it just feeds the flames. It is her loss though in the long run since you are working on correcting the issue though it could wear on the other person to a point that they let go.

I wasn't nearly as bad. She went out but I did ask for her to call me when she got back... however, I did get mad when she went out with certain people (2 guys, really).

My ex's friends are all confused as to what's going on. 3 of her friends found the new guy thing REALLY weird so they stopped talking to her. Her other friends still call me to hang out with me because she's always with the new guy and his friends.

Nah, it wasn't her that made me insecure and lack the confidence, it was my ex before my last relationship. I was cheated on pretty badly and kept going back until it finally kicked in. So I figured if I had any hope of this one not cheating(which she never would have and deep down I knew she wouldnt) I needed to make a bunch of rules of no talking to guys. It was stupid but I can't change the past and can only better myself in the long run. This site has been the biggest help of not contacting her

Yeah, her best friend still wants to talk to be and was really hurt when I deleted her from my myspace account so we talked last night and she says she still wants to be friends with both of us but won't give any information about what each other are doing.. Even though she said "You never know" when I said I'm giving up, there isn't really a shot... Which kind of caught me off guard.. But one day at a time

I must admit that I have found today a real struggle! Mondays are the worst... I think it may be because the weekend has been and that's when I'm most interested about what she may be doing. Ive been checking my phone every half an hour in hope.. nothing and I know that's what I'm most likely to get but I just can't stop wondering about her today!

I know how you feel maggie... Everyday is going to be a struggle, but keep your head up and thinking "This is going to help me in the long run" Whether it creates an opportunity of a reconilation or you moving on and becoming a better person. It will all pan out and work for both of us better than ever. And as far as checking your phone, that's fine, just don't pick it up and make that call

nah I don't think I will, I keep thinking about the threads I've read about n/c saying like ''every time you break n/c it lowers you in value'' stuff like that is stopping me from doing anything right now.

I very much doubt a reconciliation will happen, its been three months and that's a long time to be split.. I thought after a few weeks maybe a month yeah but it seems unlikely now. I just wished I could let my feelings go but right now I cant!

Your feelings will eventually subside and the pain will go away as will the urge to think about her. I'm still fresh out of the break up(dec.18) and NC for only a week but each day is a struggle but I know that all these bad days will eventually end... Keep your head up

I thought the pain would have subsided by now... it hasn't, I'm still as hurt as I was a few weeks after the split! Just going to try and get my head down for a while, get on with finding a better job and moving out their my aims for this year!

Sometimes it hurts, badly, yes; but it subsides. You will see.

I hope so George, I can't go on living my life like this I'm in complete disarray! My work is suffering, I don't go out very often at all, I can't exercise because I have a bad hip... my parents don't have any advice for me.

Do you listen to music? Do you download and make your own CD's? Go through the voluminous titles different people have provided on the "Relationship", "Songs we listen to...", have you been there? Listen to these songs and share some that you like. Perhaps you need to work on your daily structure, hour by hour if necessary. Do some things that require some mental effort, such as Hoyle games, solitaire, and crossword puzzles. Have some time for interaction each day. Re-focus on your hobbies and spend some time there. I found that menial tasks, such as chopping and stacking wood are no help. But I enjoy reading and it takes my mind away from me and my issues. If you have access to a pool, you may find swimming to be enjoyable.

Good ideas George... I have found reading to be a good outlet, as well as music. I also have turned all my anger over this into motivation for better results at the gym. It really helps to keep me focused and while I am getting in much better shape now, I use the motivation of her seeing me all nice and in shape and big to keep me going when I don't want to do that last set.

My ex has just added me on Facebook, despite me deleting her a couple of weeks after we split up and her even admitting herself I can't be friends it's a bit of a dilemma

Mmm ignore.

I haven't hit that part yet. I never deleted my ex's myspace... seeing as I RARELY get on it and I don't really feel to tempted to go look at hers either... so I think I'm doing fine.

Music... yes. Reading... absolutely. Although, I don't recommend reading the first week or two... I tried. I sat at a coffee shop "reading" when one of my friends came up and said, "YOU'RE NOT READING..."

She was right. I was thinking. So yeah.

Currently, working out. Reading a book. "cleaning" my room... it's a work in progress.

School starts this week. I see the ex for the first time since the break up. Wish me luck

Craziness eh guys.

All this stuff right after a break up seems to be the norm in these threads, that should tell us that we are all going through the same thing and knowing that helps a lot. It's important to know that EVERYONE goes through these feelings, nobody is exempt from heartache. We are down at this point but we were up when we met these girls in the first place, so it goes round I think.

As for Facebook, just ignore the friend request. Facebook and Myspace (at least to me) are the absolute worst thing to have an ex girlfriend on, you check them and they check you and you get caught up in trying to represent that you could care less about them and they respond in kind. DON'T add her.

As for going to school Sneeze, that's a big one. TRY not to show your emotions and just focus on what you need to do, NC. Its tough to do and easy to say but it sounds like you know what is best for you and so you will see the logic behind NC if you stick to your guns.

Ahhhhh ex-girls, can't we all just get along.

The Facebook thing is sorted, saw the ex on the train and chatted, got to work and there was a text ''nice to see you today, sorry things didn't work out between us I hope we can eventually be friends''

I replied Sorry but no, that's not going to happen, please don't contact me again unless you change your mind about us, I hope you understand

One request ignored!

Wow... will be interesting to see how she reacts to that!

She won't react, at least not today... she'll probably wait another three weeks and ask to be my friend again lol!

She knows now its all or nothing between us now, if she don't want it its her loss

Im hurt but I'm no where near as hurt as I thought I would be!

I wonder what she thinks then... because in her mind, she's thinking WELL... WE CHATTED. THEN HE SAID NO TO FRIENDS... NO CONTACT.. . WHAT'S GOING ON?

She'll be thinking what a w@nker at the moment, she'll be huffed because I said no to being put to one side for whenever she likes... I know what she's like she'll expect me to contact her soon... maybe the weekend saying I'm sorry I said no to being friends and id like to be, sorry not happening

Just feel like I've wasted too much time and energy on her, its time to snap out of it and try to move on asap!

UPDATE

Well I hadn't heard anything from my ex then on Friday night she texys me out of the blue about something random, I didn't reply so she text again... I then replied and she spent the whole night texting me, next morning wakes up to another text, so I left it a few hours and text her back. In the evening she text me again and then later said things aren't the same without me... same thing yesterday until last night I deceide not to text back and I've heard nothing since.

A text even said I know you said not to contact you but blah blah blah

Is she just trying to confuse me again or what?

Go back to NC because that way there is no confusion.

So a week and a half after texting me all weekend and I stopped texting her because I didn't want to get too friendly with her... she had added me on Facebook again! 3 weeks after I rejected her last request, this isn't even funny anymore!

You wrote your original question on Dec 3rd. IT'S BEEN JUST OVER 2 MONTHS!

You need to figure out what the hell you want and act on it. It sounded like in the beginning that she wanted to get back together with you. If you said no, then it's a no, and you need to move on. If you said yes and it turned sour, then it's over.

Then again, judging by where you are now, you obviously aren't back together. So it's not looking good. 2 months of this? You are wasting your time.

Well I didn't expect to be over it in two months we were together 7 years!

At first I asked her back and she said no, so I went n/c then she broke it and asked to be friends and I said no because it would be too hard... back to n/c then she broke it agaion and asked to be friends so I asked her not to contact me uless she changed her mind about us so I went n/c and she text me a week a go all weekend, it got too friendly so I went n/c now this!

I know what I want, that's her back but I'm not going to jump in and say it unless I make a fool of myself! I used n/c not as a gimmic to get her back but to heal... its not me getting in touch

Well, the truth is quite familiar to the old proverb "if you love something, let it go - if it was meant to be it will come back to you". No contact is more about you than anything else. If the other person comes around, then so be it... If not, deal with it in the meantime. The other person needs to feel your abscense and want it back. There's no garuntee's here. I would live under the assumption that she's not coming back, and let time do it's magic. One way or another you're going to feel better by not contacting her.

Well I emailled her through Facebook saying I can't do the friend thing as it just confuses me as to what she wants and if its only friendship she wants then to never contact me again as its too hard for me!

It was my birthday last Monday and I received an email from my ex (who dumped me 6 months ago) wishing me a happy birthday, the reason she emailled me was because she deleted my number and wanted me to know she was thinking about me.

I replied the next day saying it was sweet of her to email me and I had a nice time. Throughout the week she emailled me saying she'd like to meet for a drink this week and I said okay because I wanted to know what she wanted.

Anyway, I saw her in a bar at the weekend and evetually in a club, her friend had left her so she was alone (after she had told me my ex was still in love with me) and I said she could come with my friends, after an hour dancing and flirting we bumped into another friend who told her never to get back with me, ten minutes later she left the club crying so I called her she told me she still loved me and misses me but never wants to get back together

Thers no need to go for a drink with her now lol! She seems pretty messed up but I take no pleasure in that I want her to be happy

Hey I think d thing you had missd in d relationship before could be made up this time, so better gv it a chance , u both hv knwn each other for a long time, so don't miss rather try 2 make evrythin up, hope evrythin 'll be fine... gud luck dude