I have a custody hearing today, I was just wondering how good you think my chances are of getting what I want. I live in NC. My son is 5 1/2 yo. I have had a good job for the last year working at UNC Hospitals. I am pregnant with my second son, but not by my first son's father, by my current boyfriend. We are in the process of moving in together, he has a one br apt. I have a 2 br apt which the lease on mine is up at the end of DEC. hopefully we will have a new apt next week. My second son is due next Monday. I have no criminal past, no drugs. The father just got arrested in OCT for assaulting me. I was 33 weeks pregnant then. There is a restraining order against him now. His charge is still pending. He has a better job than me (im a CNA he is an Occupational Therapist) they haven't fired him from his job and they are waiting on his charge to be complete. He has a 2 br apt. and a parental agreement from 2004 stating that he has physical custody and I have vistation, but I have rental agreements since 2005 stating that my son has been living with me. He has no such proof. He does not have any other children present or on the way. He has no girlfriend. What I want to ask the judge for physical primary custody with the father visitation rights. What chances do you think I have of getting that without a lawyer?:confused:

Your chances are pretty good, provided you can prove all of the above (you have a place to stay, your child has been living with you, you have a job, etc).

Why was the father given physical custody in the first place?

He lied to me. He said it was for school so he could get approved for his scholarship. Now he is trying to use it against me in court. It was a temporary parenting agreement.

Well if it was temporary... and you can prove that the child has been living with you all this time, it is unlikely that a judge will award the father physical custody unless they think it is in the best interest of the child.

Are rental agreements proof enough?

I'm a bit confused, but if he was awarded physical custody then how did the child come to live with you? Did you violate the agreement or was there some mutual agreement to change? Do you have proof of that change?

Frankly, I think this is too close to call. On the one hand, you appear to be a stable parent. On the other hand you are now having a second child out of wedlock. The restraining order should me a major mark against him, but he was awarded custody initially.

Judges in Family Court have wide latitude. They are charges with doing what's best for the child and that may not always be apparent.

The best you can do is present your evidence and hope for the best. Good Luck.

Rental agreements don't prove anything about the child living with you. You will need testimony that the child is living in your home.

Scott, He wasn't "awarded" the custody, it was never in court. It was a temporary agreement in 2004 stating that my son would live with him and I would visit. It was a mutual thing that we agreed on so that he could get approved for his scholarship, so he said. We were separated at the time, but shortly after, I moved in with him and a few months later me and my son moved out into my own apartment. He had been living with me since. I have rental agreements to prove that. Just not the part where I moved in with his father for a few months, because I was never added to his lease. The temporary agreement wasn't even signed by the lawyer, it was only signed by the notary.

How does a rental agreement prove anything? You wouldn't put a 5 yr old on a lease and most leases don't specific list occupants.

If the agreement was not in writing or not ordered by a court, you are in a better position.

In NC, they do list the occupants. And my son is listed on each of them

OK, then that will help.

How does a rental agreement prove anything? You wouldn't put a 5 yr old on a lease and most leases don't specific list occupants.

If the agreement was not in writing or not ordered by a court, you are in a better position.

In Ohio, all occupants must be on the lease. At least, ALL the places I have lived. I always have to list my daughter.

Yes, the rental agreement should be enough... since there was no formal/legal court order for custody you are basically starting at square one. The fact that the child has resided with you all this time, and was never technically in the sole custody of the father, should play well in your favor.

I don't see you having a problem, like I said, it would have to be proven in the best interest of the child that you not be awarded physical custody... but from what you have said, I don't see that happening :)

Thanks a lot, it makes me feel a lot better. I have all my lease agreements since 2005 and proof of work, a copy of his assault charge and a copy of my son's birth certificate, I will even have a friend with me to testify if need be. Hopefully that's enough.

You chances would improve greatly if you had an attorney.

Im sure they would, but I couldn't get through with legal aid and I simply cannot afford an attorney. I wish I had one, then I wouldn't have to worry, because I would be a lot more confident. But my hearing is in 5 hours... I won't get an attorney that fast.. lol. Also, this is a pre-trial, what does that mean?

Your chances are okay (due to the fact that your husband is a real piece of work and that you have proof your sons been with you), but a lawyer looks more professional and if there is even a slight chance that the judge will lean twords the father a lawyer can make points that perhaps you didn't realize and help you win the case.

You don't need a lawyer, but getting one wouldn't hurt. Even if you get the cheepest lawyer possible it can only help.

I do think you have a fighting chance though, with or without a lawyer. If I were a judge I wouldn't grant the father custody, just make sure you present the case in a descent manner presenting evidence, witnesses (if there are any), and don't get too over excited or mad.

Good Luck with everything!

Genald, I wish I was able to get in contact with a lawyer, but I wasn't. So I just have to go in there and be as professional as I possibly can. Thanks for the good luck wishes

If your son is in Kindergarten in the school that it zoned for your neighborhood you could take the papers, or a current report card as further proof he lives at your address. If he is still in daycare then take those papers to show his home address. That's all I had to show.

I can't see any Judge saying that a child should be uprooted from a home and school just because that's what the father wants and that would only really come into play if everything was equal between you and the father but they aren't. I think you have a good chance of keeping physical custody.

A few pointers... if its not to late. Remember to be respectful to the Judge. You may want to say 'yes, your honor... no, your honor' stand when you speak or are asked a question.

Didn't you say that her assulted you? That will help BIG TIME! You can prove that he is voilent! Stay away from him, as I can see that you are. Good luck today and please keep us posted on what happened

Well thanks for the advice and good wishes, Im off. Ill let you know what happened.

Well, the judge sent us to mediation... we will see what happens then I guess

Don't you have an order of protection on him?

Since the charge against him was not Domestic Violence, but a criminal Assault on a Female, He is automatically served with a restraining order.

Well, the judge sent us to mediation...we will see what happens then i guess

That's not a good sign. Mediation means the judge expects you to work out a compromise.

Yea she didn't seem to want to get involved with it, because he has that criminal charge against him. I guess she was trying to be nice to him, because he would probably lose custody.

How are you souposed to be around him if you have a restaining order on him. I think its time to contact legal Aid for a lawyer. They will be able to help you..

Mediation is conducted in the courthouse, its allowed for us to communicate as long as we are in court. :-( but I still plan on getting a lawyer, because I don't think we will end up with an agreement. He is stubborn and selfish

Do you want him to lose custody? Does he even do anything for your little one? Does he at least pay you child support?

Naw, I don't want him to lose custody, he does love his son and my son does love him, but my son does not want to live with him and I want him to live with me and go to school in my district. He doesn't pay me child support. It makes things hard sometimes. He buys things for him and feeds him only when he is at his house.

You need to take him to court for child support so that way he can help you, that is his responisablity as a father. I see where you are coming from I was once in the same boat you are in. Although I live in New York State and the laws here are very different. I hope all works out for you and your family!

Hello ms:

I see where you're getting a lawyer. That's good. Maybe if you had one yesterday, you would have won. I don't know.

I've been reading about all these things and all this stuff that you need to tell the judge. And, I've been reading about everybody agreeing that you have a good chance if you just tell the judge certain stuff...

The assumption above is that court is fair. Plus, I didn't see one person ask, nor did you say whether HE has a lawyer or not.

From MY perspective, court is NOT fair. Court is WAR. Court is about WINNING. If you go to court WITHOUT your army, and he HAS an army, fair ISN'T part of the equation.

It's all wonderful that you have this information that supposedly will help you. But, if you CAN'T get it in front of a judge, it's garbage.

excon

PS> I understand that court is ultimately about the best interests of the child. But, the best interests of the child aren't served if you don't WIN.