Then I think that you should go to bed right now so that you can face the real world!

If you want to have relationships, friends, career, home and money, etc. someday, then you are just going to have to face the fact that there are some things that you are going to have to do.

Oh, and uh.. . GOOD NIGHT!

I'd still rather die. "Live every day like it's the last" then I'm not going to feel stupid for a tomorrow that may never come. Then again 100 years from now I should be dead... so I won't care about any of this anymore.

Interestingly enough, no one is looking at you or even cares how you look or act. Each student has the same feeling about himself. And homeschooling won't work. You'll figure out new excuses to get out of stuff.

Well, lukilly I got in school suspensin to I didn't have to go to class. And j seems to be a lot happier now when he talks to me... well I goes tyou could say he talks to me kind of like he talks to his friends... before it seemed worse.idk how to expllain it.
But other people sytill aren't like me... I know for a fact they aren't.
Lets see... I skip lunch to avoid people, Never talk, try to hide my face anythime anyone's aroufn... ywah

I have a boyfriend of 2 years. He got mad and we quit talking for a while so I started talking to another guy online. Now I'm talking to both. My boyfriend wouldn't apretiate me talking to the other guy and he doesn't know about it. I don't want to tell him but I don't want to keep it from him. I want to quit talking to the other guy even though he's really nice and sweet... but I don't want to hurt his feelings. He knows I have a boyfriend.. and he keeps still wanting me to get with him. I told him maybe if me and my boyfriend break up. But he still keeps saying he loves me and that I deserve better and he would treat me better and everything. I told him we could still talk as friends and its not a problem but he doesn't seem to get that. He even said he would take a bullet for me. I like talking to him but I don't want to because of my boyfriend. So what should I do? He is nicer than my boyfriend and seems to care more and everything. But I'm not leaving my boyfriend for him.
Also, I told this guy I loved him back... Last time I told another guy I loved him I was just joking around to see what he would say and that was 2 years ago.. my boyfriend still gets mad over it and says if I ever tell another guy that while we are still together, he is never going to talk to me. So I just want to stop where its at.

Is this guy that you have chatting with online anywhere where it would be easy for you to physically be around him now? That is, if you definitely know who he is and how old he is and that it would be appropriate for you to get together with him?

Is he someone you know from school?

Do you really know how old this other guy is and who he is? If you think that you do, how do you know for sure?

Are you sure that the site where you are chatting with this other guy is a safe place for you to be?

No.
I'm just wondering how I can quit talking to him without making him feel bad. We get along perfectly.

I take it that "No" is the answer to all of the questions that I asked. Correct? I, and I know others are very concerned about you getting involved in chatting with others on sites where you don't really know for sure with whom you are communicating.

If "No" is an answer to all of the questions that I have asked, then just simply not communicating with this other guy anymore should be just fine. If you don't know who he is, where he is or how old he is, then just stop chatting with him. For all you know, he has probably been chatting with other girls around your age and telling them the same things that he has been telling you. How do you or would you know that he hasn't been doing that?

"Getting along perfectly" as you say, is easy to do online, especially if there are no obligations or commitments that are to be made in an in-person in the physical, real world sense.

I don't know how he feels. And, quite frankly, since if "No" is the answer to all of the questions that I have asked, then I don't care about him or how he feels, because according to you because of the way that you have answered my questions, then he is an unknown entity. I would rather be caring about those who do reveal truths about themselves, in instances like this, that can be verified than those that don't. This becomes an issue of trust. Trust must be earned. There are some folks that you can't trust, because you don't know if you can trust them by virtue of the circumstances in "meeting" them, and you don't really know what and why they are about what they do and also the intentions that they have for doing what they are doing.

People can hide so much about themselves with their online identities. It's best to be communicating with people where you are sure it is safe. At least on this site, after hundreds of posts between you and myself, Wondergirl, grammadidi and some others, at least you do somewhat know who we are and what we are about here especially because this site is so well moderated and the credibility that can be shown about the members with whom you are communicating. It's not the same way on most boards and forums out there on the Internet that I have seen and it's certainly not that way on chat sites.

We do care about you greatly here, Beth. Please listen to us.

I am sure that others will also come along to add their own two-cents in answer to your original question.

The way to stop talking to the guy online? Don't sign in to messenger... don't answer his emails... that's the easy part.

The hard part is that you need to decide is if you are committed to your relationship with your boyfriend of two years or your e-boyfriend. E-relationships are easy, they only see the best side of you and vice versa.

Don't lead either guy on. And, I think you're right... your boyfriend would be a tad upset if he knew you had told another guy that you "loved him." Honey, make up your mind and chose.

Wondergirl, I need your help. ASAP
J keeps talking to me and being all nice one day then the next day acting like that again.
He e-mailed me saying this:
"no, you have made your choice. The day you drive up to my house in a Mustang sports car, have both your ears filled with piercings, and wearing a tight, black, full body spandex suit...will be the day I want you. Until then, I'll always just treat you like dirt. So you would be wise to forget about me.."
He keeps saying things like this. I try ignoring him but he always calls or e-mails me and says something to wehere I just want to either kill him or myself.
I can't take it anymore. If I can't be with him I WILL NOT live. And I won't be with him If this is how he's going to be.

O and he keeps saying EVERY LITTLE THING he can POSSIBLY think to say that will bother me

Don't respond to him. AT ALL.

I already did. I told him to leave me alone and I was going to find someone else.
Do you think he cares one bit?
Just the other day he said that he really tries to. And he was acting all nice then next thing you know out of no where he's saying anything and everything to make me want to kill myself.

I mean, do you think he's just saying all that? Why do you think he's doing it? I just don't get why he's acting this way. Its like you never know what to expect from him. Then he said "i like to keep you wondering, it keeps you comming back for more."
Well I can't take it anymore. I thought it went to far a lot of times before. But I swear this time someone's getting hurt.
And it'll probably be his "bff", that girl he talks to all hour while he ignores me.
Then he gets mad that I don't talk to him all hour so now I think that he doesn't want to talk to me and I won't talk to him tomorrow during class and then he'll get mad about it and he'll say that he don't remember ever saying that he doesn't want to talk to me...
I know how it goes. And its weird how every year I've been with him is exactly the same.
Same fights over the same things on the same days just different year.
And we both have changed a little bit but winter time seems about the worst because all we do is argue and stuff and theirs never a reason. He just always has to go and start something with nothing.
I hope one day he is with someone who treats him like he treated me and then he looks back and regrets all this while I am with someone else who treats me better and forget about him...
But I'm not ready for that yet. I am still trying to get him. I just wish he was a whole lot different. What should I do? Io mean do you think if I ignore him he will see that he really is pushing me away and then maybe he will change? Do you think he will really come back?

Do not reply to his IMs or email message. Do not say you will find someone else. Do not say a word to him. Nothing. Nada.

Trust me.

Do you really think he will? And actually... I kind of told him that I already did find someone else just to make him worry.

Do not say a word to him. Do not tell him anything. Do not threaten. Do not promise. Do not throw out red herrings.

DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS EMAIL MESSAGES!

So what if he thinks that I am with someone else and then he just kind of moves on? What if he never does come back? How do I know for sure? Do you think he's only messing around with all this and that he knows I didn't find someone else?

You're sure not finding out the way you're doing it, are you.

Try my way.

I'm confused.
And this last couple months doesn't seem like we have really been together at all.

Confused about what?

You haven't been together these past months.

I don't know. I'm just afraid things aren't going to work out because of how theyv'e been. Do you think he will EVER be... I don't know how to say it other than a good boyfriend?

Do you think he means anything like that he says?

Well, all I know is that you are killing every chance you have.

So this is really all I can do that couls possibly work, right? Or it's the best thing anyway, right? So what do I say when he gets mad I'm ignoring him? Do I still ignore him? Or do I just tell him that its what he wanted?
I mean, he might come up to me and ask me or something? I don't want to just walk away.

If he comes up to you, just treat him like an ordinary person. Do NOT say a word about your past with him, the present situation, or the future with or without him.

Start reciting the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears if you have to.

What if I don't know the story? Lol. J/K.
I could try that and see how it goes.

Then recite a poem or fairy tale you know. DO NOT talk about your relationship with him or threaten about a relationship with anyone else.

Its going to be kind of hard when he's always saying things to other people in front of me that he knows is going to upset me or how he is always talking to his "BFF" and all that.

I mean where would he even get an idea like he said in that e-mail unless I don't look good enough for him... but I'm sorry to say, I'm starting to think that he is ugly. Mainly because of what he is doing with his hair. And I don't know why I do want him because truth is: he isn't good enough for me.

Ignore him no matter what he says. Or just say ONLY "ok" over and over each time he says something.

Ok. Lol. I'll try it.

Then smile brightly and, as you walk away, say, "Catch you some other time."

OK

He wasn't at school and he called me today but before I could think to ignore him, I answered it... he just sounded like he hates me so much and I just told him I was busy and then he had an attitude so I hung up really fast. I almost e-mailed him but I stopped myself.
I don't know I'm just so worried.

Ignore him.

Well, what do I do when I need to tell someone that my uncle got shot to death last night, and I have no one to go to?Not that he would care.

Did your uncle get shot to death last night?

You've written everyone out of your life. If they don't care, it's because you have slammed the door in their faces.

I just read your other post. I'm sorry about your uncle, but since you didn't even know him and don't know your aunt and cousins, how can you feel much of anything? They are like strangers. How did he get killed?

Do you want me to send you the aritcle?
It leaves out a few things.
First they thought it might have been gang related. Because he used to be into all that and everything. But it was just the one guy. My uncle owed him money and never paid him back.
I seen in the paper yesterday that a car was set on fire on their street and I wondered if it was thrie house but I didn't think much of it. I just thought ' now they're setting cars on fire instead of busting out windows"
The day before that he was beat. And yesterday he was killed.

O and when the guy shot him, afterwards he just kind of looked at him, cocked his head, turned around and walked away.
I think they arrested him today.
I'm just afraid now. Ive always been really paranoid that any second someone's going to shoot me. Like now even. Always. Now I see how common it really is. Escpecially where I live. It happens all the time around here. Just last year their was a shooting next door to them. My dad told them when they moved their that it was a bad area... they figured if they just mind their own business it would be okay.

Why would anyone shoot you? It sounds like your uncle was in trouble for a long time and made a few enemies. How many women and girls have been shot during the past five years?

I don't know. I just always have that fear. Its constant. Any little sound will make me freeze.
I have a lot of enimies... I can't walk any where without them trying to start a fight... or getting in one. And I never start it.

Why do you have a lot of enemies?

I don't know. A lot of reasons. Some people just don't like me for reasons I'm unsure of. Then Iv'e threatened a lot of people and say things to peoples face. Usually I'm pretty quiet though. I'm like the queit bully with no friends. I get into an argument with someone and 2- 3 years later don't let them ever see the end of it still.

That's not healthy.

Yeah, but I need to get some sleep. I'm so tired. I think feeling paranoid is the only feeling I have left though because I've lost so much sleep lately... I don't know I'm tired until I fall asleep. I never feel myself being tired or hungry. I can't cry anymore or laugh sometimes. When I do laugh though, I can never stop.

Then go to bed. Sleep well.

PLEASE HELP ME ASAP
What can I do now?
Iv'e been thinking about getting my hair cut. He wanted me to let it grow out BUT... I can't stand it being so long and I talked to him on the phone today... This is all so confusing... He seemed to really want to quit talking. First he said he wants to go do what he wants to do and he doesn't care about me anymore and then he said something about going some place with one of his friends this weekend... More than likely he was talking about a strip club. He kept telling me that it isn't right for me to be with him because he's not fair like that and that MAYBE if I let him do what he wants but let him boss me around he MIGHT talk to me but even then he might leave...
Eventually he said, he'll talk to me when I get my hair cut, lose about 30 pounds, change everything about how I look and act, have more of the same interests as him, let him tell me what I can and can't do, and talk to him more, and get my license... then he'll care about me... he might not do things I don't want him doing.
But I don't think its right for me to do those things for him. But that's how he is. He thinks everyone should be like that to him. And I don't want to get my hair cut now because he might think that I did it for him. When really I've be4en wanting to a while now.
I'm confused. I need to know exactly what to do now . And what is more than likely going on.
Also, he said that he got rid of his e-mail address all together so I can only talk to him in person at school, unless he calls me.
He doesn't want to talk to me but then he gets mad when I ignore him.
It so twisted and confusing,
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Where do I go from here?
He even told me that he doesn't care if I find someone else and I have been thinking about it but I still want to try to work things out with him and I don't think its right for him to not like me for me like that.

IGNORE HIM and get your hair cut if that's what YOU want to do.

Why oh why are you talking to him??

Cuz he thinks I hate him when I don't talk to him and he complains about how neither of us have anything to say to each other so we should just quit talking.
Do you really think he''ll come to me if I ignore him?
I hate talking about this whjole thing and thinking about it. I just want to hurry and get past this part.

Well, you've pleaded for help but haven't done a thing I or anyone else has suggested. I'm losing interest fast. Do what you feel like doing.

Also, When he sees that I'm not doing those things he will think that I decided not to talk to him so he won't talk to me... I know how it goes. Then he will just say its too late and if I wanted him I would have done all that.

I want to make sure that whatever I do works and its damn near impossible but I feel like its right their in front of me and I just can't see it.
Whether I talk to him or don't talk to him, it will turn out the same.

He really said all that to you? I am in awe if so. Why oh why are you wanting to be with this guy? He obviously cares only about himself, not you. He thinks you hate him if you ignore him, but if you don't he ignores you or treats you bad? He would say something cruel like he's thinking of leaving you for another girl, and then when you retaliate act like he doesn't know what it's like to say something you don't mean?

Honestly if you want him back, don't talk to him, ignore him. Don't hear him out. If you have to tell him how he was wrong. Stand up for yourself because you deserve better. Tell him so. Act like it doesn't bother you. Hold your head up.
One of two things will happen... he will realize how much of a jerk he's been and 'try' to come to you, at which point you can decide if you'd want to give this guy a chance he probably doesn't deserve, or drop him and hopefully find someone who will respect you for you.
Or Two he will think you hate him and might even contact you to find out what's up, or not talk to you ever again, at which point you will still be standing up up for yourself, and those guys who respect that in a woman will see it and see you for who you are, not who they demand you be.

I'm sorry if I seem a little harsh.

Wether i talk to him or dont talk to him, it will turn out the same.

Well, then. There's your answer. Ignore him and get on with your life. For your mental health's sake, ignore him.

But how do you know he isn't being seious? How do you know if he really wants to leave or if he's just mesiing around?

I don't know. You don't know. Maybe he doesn't know either.

Ignore him.

Beth911,

There's a book called "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. It's a very easy read.

I bought it for my daughter who used to sound like you. She's in her 20's now and has a number of good male friends. She says now after reading this book that she'll know when the right guy comes along.

She's much happier and not as stressed now that she's not driving herself nuts wondering why a certain guy won't call, pay attention to her, ask her out or make a commitment to her.

You're young with a whole life ahead of you. You will come across many wonderful young men in your life and look back and ask yourself what you ever saw in this guy.;)

I don't know what I see in him now.. but that don't change that I want him and always will. And I'll make that sure

Time to move onto other interests that you might have as far as boyfriends, Beth. He's not really interested in you. If he was, then he would be acting that way. He's not acting that way. Time to move on. If you want to make sure that you will "have" him, then you are wasting your time.

No doubt, you will continue to ask about "what if" and "I don't know" with your questions and remarks here. I dare you to prove us wrong about that! Please prove us wrong concerning that!

You can't have what you can't have! Some things are not meant to be.

There HAS to be a way. When what I want is right there in front of me... I know if I don't give up and try all I can that I will eventually have what I want.

Do you really want to be with someone who isn't ready to be with you?
Are you listening to ANYONE in here? You seem to have made your mind up.

Im not here to be talked out of wanting him.
I'm here for help to make things better with me and him.
Actually, that's the only reason why I'm still living too... just in case one day he changes his mind.
But its funny... the more he does all this to me... The more I don't like him. But also, the more I want him.
And I can't stand to even think of him anymore after all he's put me through... but maybe sooner or later he'll change and make up for it all.
Its just now, when I see him... After all he's put me through, I can't really be glad to see him. I don't know how to explain it. I just see him differently now and I don't think I could ever feel loved by him no matter how much he tried to show it. But I really do love him and he thinks that I'm the one who hates him/

I'm here for help to make things better with me and him.

Several of us (voices of experience) have told you how to do this, but you won't do it.

I've tried and its like he knows what I'm doing and always finds away to outsmart me.
I'm just way too stressed out from it all right now. The past 2 months I haven't been able to feel a whole lot of pain or cry or anything... and I wasn't able to thing either.
Now all I can do is cry but I can't even walk or anything.

I mean imgaine not even being able to feel when your tired. And you don't know you are tired until your up for a few days and end up falling asleep out of no where. That's what its like.

I've tried

When?? You have never done what we suggested.

I ignored him all week until he called and the phone woke me up. I was so tired that I forgot I was trying to ignore him and I answered it. And he just got all mad at me for ignoring him. He started thingking that I hate him. And all thatr.

And before that I tried but after a few days, he started talking to me again. And that's when I ignored him still. And he said that he didn't want to be together if the only time we see each other is at school and I don't even talk to him then

And he gave me about 1000 other reasons

You can't talk with him. That messes up the entire plan.

If he's on the phone when you answer it, just say, "Goodbye." At school, walk away.

He finds ways around it all the time.
And this isn't right.. its never taken this long for things to work out. Its been since early November.

And maybe he's just saying it all to upset me but the way he's been talking pretty much seems like he's only gotten worse and that he really won't come back

When he called the one time... I told him I was busy and I had to go and then I hung up.. he called back later that day (another time he woke me up) and then he hung up on me

I need to get off line I feel like I'm going to pass out

*sigh*

I give up.

N to think I have to go to school.. that just adds more on. I need a long break from that place. I just can't do it. I already have given up on school long ago. I don't seee what I shuld need to be there.
Im afriad to death every min ute I'm there

And I'm afraid if I keep ignoring him now that this reall will be it

Your very arrogant and stupid. Get through your head that the relationship is over and move on. Oh no, you won't give up on him, will you? Good, that's great to hear. If your not going to follow the advices that everyone here had given to you, then I suggest you get off this website. You're a waste of space. It only seems like you want people to tell you what YOU want to hear instead of what actually is good for YOU. Grow up

What do I do if after ignoring him for a long time, he still doesn't come back?

Then you move on. He's not interested in a relationship with you. Life DOES go on.

Thanks spartan. Just what I needed. Now, I'll go kill myself.
Hope your happy.
Thanks. You helped me bake up my my mind.

I think only I can have control over if my life goes on or not. And if I want to end it I will. No big deal

You need more professional help than you will find in here if you are talking like that. Perhaps it's time you called a crisis phone line and talked to someone there.

No, thanks.
That's the last thing that I need is someone trying to stop me and tell me how living miserable life is such a great thing. And how valubale life is when I'm only a waste of space!

I should have went with that plan yesterday where the next time I was home alone, I just shoot myself. I was left in charge of dinner though and I didn't want to disappoint anyone if I burned it because I was dead or anything.

Thanks spartan. Just what i needed. Now, i'll go kill myself.
Hope your happy.
thanks. you helped me bake up my my mind.

Sorry if I was too harsh, but you haven't moved on from this relationship that doesn't exist. Everyone's been telling you great advices 15 pages ago, why don't you follow through with them? You have nothing to lose, so Beth, just take a chance. Live your life without him and see how it goes. Ignore him. I apologize for my bashing comments, forgive me.
Maybe you need professional help, more then we can give here.

National suicide hotline 1-800-621-4000
(1-800-SUICIDE)- 1-800-784-2433

(1-800-793-TALK)- 1-800-273-8255

Actually no what you do need is loving people that are trying to help you.
You know well that at times what we want in a relastionship can not always happen, if the other person does not want the relastionship we can not force them to do anything,

And of course you really don't want to kill yourself, but you want to scare some poor teen boy that his truth ( although a little hard) is going to cause anything. Think of it this way, he can see from what is written that at times we have to understand that life moves on, and that we are not always going to be with the one we wanted at that point and time.

But guess what, things change, and things can get better, you first learn to be happy with yourself, if that takes professional help you go get it.
Is it easy, of course not, pain and being alone can hurt, knowing that someone did not want to try and be part of a relastionship hurts,

I buried 2 wife's, one of them in the same month I had a boy locked up on drug charges, but life goes on, it hurts when you are there, but you take one step at a time to move on. So this relastionship did not work, OK, start doing things meeting people and find yourself and then if you want another relastionship go for it, but living in the past will nt help you at all.

But I will say this, sometimes a harsh word, to give you a kick in the rear is what people need, a wake up call that OK life is lousy now, so what, others have the same pains at time, you are not that different from many of us. And actually in some ways, yours may not be near as bad as others, so find a way to look at the good things you still have, and go on.
Talk to the religious leader of your choice, I don't care if you are muslim or jewish or christian, their religious leaders are there and always glad to help you find a new path.

There are a lot of great people who for 33 pages have wanted and tried to help. And you don't see to be thankful for what you have, this is your wake up call,

So pick up the phone, drive over to your religious leader or a secular couselor and start finding your life agaain.

1 800 suicide will give you a loving person who will be there to help you,

So lets face life as it really is, and lets get real with each other, get mad, get angry, get help.

Sorry. Religious? I'm catholic, but uh, I don't go to church or even believe in god or any of that. I have the mind of an atheiest.

Great, you don't have to beleve in god to get help from your local priest, they are happy to help anyone who needs help. So you are catholic, then you would know where your local church is, they are glad to help.

Or you are a atheist, great, won't try to convert you, your faith or lack of it, is your business, there are secular couslors that would be glad to talk to you and help you also.

Sorry atheist don't have a religious leader, so can't send you to one.

But it appears you have a hatred for religion, may I ask why?
Since I recommended several choices, including any religion of your choice? And you seem to want to attack religion, what caused you to lose your faith, were you looking for a god to do something he did not for you?

I live right down the street from a church but I never go there


You know what really bothers me...
Him always talking to this girl in a class I have with him when he sits right next to me and doesn't say a word to me. And he always makes it sound like he's so happy to see her. And then the teacher was talking about something with getting more money when your married and he turned to her and said "are you thinking what I'm thinking?''
He says she's just a friend.. but I'm sure it won't be long and they'll be together.
But he may have a problem with her weight. He thinks I'm fat and I weigh like 126
She has to be at least 200.

Him always talking to this girl in a class i have with him when he sits right next to me and doesnt say a word to me. And he always makes it sound like hes so happy to see her.

(I jumped back in, flossie.)

Beth, you know darn well he knows you are all ears when he does that and is trying to make you jealous. I still think ignoring him will drive him nuts and make him wonder what you're up to. I wish you could do it and continue doing it, and not cave in. I don't think you would "lose" him.

I can try... but I'll do it for a few weeks and then come here and tell you what happens... but I'm going to need alotta help if he doesn't come back.
Also, I HAVE to say this...
I heard this some where and its EXACTLY how I feel:
It's hard to wait around for something that may never happen, but it's even harder to give up espcially when it's everything you've ever wanted.

it's even harder to give up espcially when it's everything you've ever wanted.

It's not giving up.

How about this? When you talk with him, DO NOT talk about the two of you. Talk about Goldilocks and the Three Bears or Strawberry Shortcake or Winnie the Pooh. Talk about your pets at home. Talk about one of your teachers. DO NOT talk about the two of you. When he flirts with some girl, smile knowingly and just shake your head at the stupidity of males. Act grown up, not like a needy child.

I almost wrote him asking why we can't just talk. Just about normal things that have nothing to do with us but I figured he wouldn't take the note. And I figured that would ruin the whole ignoring him thing. And I asked if we could just be friends and he said that he had enough friends and he doesn't need me.
The only way I can really talk to him now is at school, in class, where everyone can hear everything that I say. He said he got rid of his e-mail address andi know he won't accrpt notes.
And the part about giving up... I mean I would f=never give up on him. Sometimes I wonder if I should but I know I wouldn't be able to.

I'm afraid he won't come back. I mean he's not showing any sign what so ever that he wants to talk to me. Except every now and then he turns around and looks at me during class and then just looks away really quick.

That's because you are still acting like you want him. If you ask pathetic questions like "can we be friends" it still shows him he has you wrapped around his finger. Let it go completely or your wasting your time.

Do you think he will really come back though?
I just don't see it happening but everyone else says it will

J called and said that the teacher stopped him after class and asked what I was suspended for. He sounded kind of mad. I told him why. Then I just said "is that all you called for?" and then "allright i'll see you on monday" then he just kind of hung up. But I could just tell by the sound in his voice... he had the sound he has when he talks to someone he hates.
But I don't see why he would call just because a teacher was wondering why I was suspended

You need to get your act together, young lady, this is getting to pathetic. Forget the guy, and worry about you for a change.Don't you love yourself??

When he sends me things like this:
Its all a bunch of meaningless ploys to get me to stay. Honestly, I don't find you the least bit attractive, I can't bring myself to try and talk with you, and I also can't find a reason to stay with you. There are so many other things I'd rather do. So I think I'll go do them.

Do you think he ever cared about me at all?
Do you really thinnk I have a chance?

Who got asked about you when you didn't show up at school? Who called you to report that conversation with the teacher?

Did J have to call you at all? No. Why did he?

He called me and asked me all that.
But I mean , why would he care about that enough to call me if he hates me like he says he does?
But that e-mail is what bothers me and he said he got rid of his e-mail account. But then he e-mailed me today.

Instead of being draggy and emo and moody and needy when you see him at school or when he talks to you, try being happy and fun and interesting.

Has he signed up definitely for the military? Or will he finish h.s. after all?

** Great Idea ** -- both of you finish h.s. and get your diploma.

Why don't you leave him alone, and stop talking to him for a while. In other words give it a break, and find something else to do. I mean is all you do all day is worry, cry, and complain about him?? What else do you do with your day.

Umm... nothing but sit their blankly stairing at a wall while I listen to music and think about how borin my life is and the last 6 years have been like this.

He said he signed up for the airforse but as much as he lies and makes things up how can I believe anything he says to me?

You mean you can't think of a single thing you like to do? Nothing?? No wonder your having all these problems, why didn't you say so??

Music. Listening to it and writing it. That's it. Other things I don't see the point in. unless it's a sharp object . Lol. Just had to throw that in there.

LOL, good one. What type of writing do you do, and do you like to read?

Just songs. I used to do poems but then got into songs. I hate reading.

Do you play any instruments, can you sing? I know I'm full of questions, just curious as to who the real you is.

I USED to play the flute but EWW not now. Lol. I've taught myself to play the keyboard and do okay at it but I can't make up my own songs on it that great

And I have trouble trying to get the exact sound I want on it with all the different instruments and speeds and rythems and all that

Sounds as if you have had no formal training, but would you like to learn, as a hobby I mean? I use to be bored to all the time, and just couldn't figure out what to do with all that time and didn't know what I liked, so I tried a lot of different things, before I bought a tablet and started to draw. I think maybe your in the same situation also, looking for something you like to do. You also sound like a little bit of a loner, nothing wrong with that mind you, I was for a long time, but sports brought me out of that.

Wondergirl, This e-mail he sent me really makes me mad. I already responded to it but I don't know what to do.
That's why I don't understand why your throwing a fit because I want to leave. I've known since I met you what you like. White wigger boys with shaved heads that listen to rap and act gangster. I think its stupid, and have made myself the exact opposite.
I believe I have a unique look to me, that makes me stand out from the rest of the people at our school. People find me interesting, but they don't know why. You on the other hand, are an average, generic looking pre-teen girl. I just don't like that.



The fact that he would compare me to those people. Really pisses me off.
I isn't nothing like them. I try to just be myself. I try to be different than them. To show them that I am against them.

I don't really like drawing TOO much but I like to have my own drawings if that makes sense.
I like when I have completed them. But I'm not too good at it and don't have the patience. And the only things I would want to draw are pictures with like the night sky and the moon... possibly shining down on water. Things like that

Omg I keep re reading that and it makes me so mad. I want to tell him how mad that makes me. Just the fact that he would say that about me. And he thinks were so different from each other... we both want to try to be differeent than everyone else. And I hate that he would see me as being like all those people.
I can't help but want to beat them off the earth now.

Me too, I like shadows and highlights, I still get a kick out of drawing moustaches on guys in the Sunday comics, I know I'm boring.

omg i keep re reading that and it makes me so mad. i wanna tell him how mad that makes me. Just the fact that he would say that about me. and he thinks were so different from each other... we both wanna try to be differeent than everyone else. and i hate that he would see me as being like all those ppl.
I can't help but wanna beat them off the earth now.

I think your to good, and special to be letting him live rent free in your head, as his behavior is disrespectful, and unacceptable. You deserve better. Not getting any attention from you, is what he deserves.

Lol. And I like to make fun of people on TV when its muted and you don't know what they are saying

And I want more friends but I can't find people I like and all the friends I ever had did one of the following things:

1. turned their back on me
2. only come to me when they want/need something
3. only were pretending to be my friend and never really cared

He's cared more about me than anyone other than family and look at how he treats me. That's pretty sad

Lol. and i like to make fun of people on tv when its muted and you dont know what they are saying
Play the music with the sound on the TV down.

and i want more friends but i can't find ppl i like and all the friends i ever had did one of the following things:

1. turned their back on me
2. only come to me when they want/need something
3. only were pretending to be my friend and never really cared

he's cared more about me than anyone other than family and look at how he treats me. thats pretty sad

Yeah it is, but most good friends I ever met where ones we shared common interests in, okay maybe I didn't make that may friends, okay just a few, but they turned out to be good ones. But that just makes my point, he is no friend, because of the way he acts and treats you. Your right that is sad. By the way, cartoons are the best to play the music with.

Wondergirl, I copied and pasted this but didn't read it yet because I'm afraid. Tell me what to say back. And I will not read it at all.

You can't have me

For what reasons?

Someone else already does

Wonder what he would do if you ignored his butt for a while? Think he would get mad?

Think he would be happy if I did.

Omg. So I read that and I don't know what to do... hurry. QUICK

I thought you said you'd ignored him for a week.

I did. 8 days to be exact. Not 1 word. No e-mails. Nothing.
Until he called this weekend.

What if he forgot all about me and he's having sex with someone else right now?

Obviously he didn't forget about you after you ignored him.

He has no transportation, so where would he have sex and how would he get there anyway? And who would want him?

Well, what if they have their license... and can I talk to you elseware?

I have an e-mail to read from him but I'm afraid to anymore

I'm going to read it I think. But I'm very afraid of what it will say and I don't really have anyone to talk to about this

It said:

I plan on buying a bus ticket to Maine. Any other stories you want to hear?


Remember what I said about him talking to a girl online? One that lives in Maine

What can I say?

Tell him to have a great time and be sure to take warm clothes!

I don't think I really care much anymore about him. After what all he's put me through, it's so different. I mean I just wish I did care like I used to.
Do you think after this he may change, and I'll stilll love him?
Because right now, It's hard to love him after what all he's done to me and I just look at him differently now

I don't think I really care much anymore about him. After what all he's put me through, it's so different. I mean i just wish i did care like i used to.
do you think after this he may change, and I'll stilll love him?
Because right now, It's hard to love him after what all he's done to me and I just look at him differently now

Well, you could still love him. That doesn't mean that you have to like him. I have said it before, I have dated quite a number of people in the past. There are those with whom I am still in love. I am sure that there are some of them that still love me. But, for various reasons, we went our separate ways and found others with whom we fell in love.

It's okay for things to be that way. That's the way that life is for many people a lot of the times.

J e-mailed me:
Appearently you don't need an education for a lot of the jobs there. Its all in manufactoring. I was called down to the office today to fill out the forms for dropping out. This is my last week! Yay for me!! Well, I guess this is it, so see you!

He was called down to the office and was their for about an hour and 1/2.
Then he came to class and someone asked what he was there for and he said that he had to take some tests.
Wondergirl, I need your help. Also, what do you thinks going on with that whole mess?

J never e-mailed me back. Do I wait?

No. Just be patient and watch how this plays out. Meanwhile, take care of yourself --get decent sleep and food, do your homework.

I need alot of help with everything thats goin on. Theirs alot and its so long of a story that i dont even know where to begin. We have been together for almost 2 years. I wont say the whole story because its way too long but i will tell you bits and peices. Right now, he thinks i want his friend and i dont. so hes kida ignoring me. I only can talk to him at school and thats it. He wrote a note saying that he feels bad about leaving me but he doesnt wanna be hurt anymore. Their is nothing that anyone can say or do to get me to change my mind.... i already know that no matter what and even if i want to i will not give up on trying to keep us together. Even if I Want to give up on it i wont. I just need some help on trying to get him to understand that i really do love him and i dont want anyone else and i dont want him to be hurt but i wanna stay with him forever. I want him to know that I want things between us to be better than they ever were before and us to try to have fun together and get along better and not be misserable together because we both do love each other and we both dont like hurting each other and going throgh this but some how this is how it is............ i tried writing all this to him in a note but he said that one of his friends took it from him and that he never got it back. I told him to try to call me if he can and he said he would but he never did, then again he really isnt aloud to so maybe thats why..... I tried giving him another note and he said "i'l just lose it" so i ended up keeping it and he never read it. I told him to call me then and that was yesterday. So far he hasnt called. he said he would try though. And when i try to talk to him, he acts like he doesnt know me. I think that since he hasnt read that note he may still think that i want his friend and not him so he may be confused as to why i am talking to him. The day before yesterday, i told him in person that i want him and everything, then we kinda talked for like 10 seconds but then later i went back up to him and he just seemed mad again. This was right before we got out of school that day and then he just kinda walked away from me. The only time he talks to me is when i go up to him and he doesnt really say anything. But he sits next to me in 2 classes and in the 2nd one that we have together, he kept looking at me like he was trying to get my attention and then i kinda looked at him and then looked away and he just said "dont look at me like that"
But i dont know what to do.,. I mean from what i said, do you think if i wait, he will seee im not even talking to his friend and start to come back to me? Should i keep trying to talk or wait a little while before i say more to him? whats the best way to get him to come to me?
And he thinks i want his friend because of something that happened a few weeks ago.... He said he was talking to anoither girl and was going to leave me for her so i lied and said i wanted his friend and then he said he was just joking about her then he said it wasnt a lie and i dont know what to believe their becuase he makes things up sometimes to try to make me mad or see what i would do . but then i noticed him ignoring me so i told him that if he didnt want me to give to his friend because i was mad about eveything he told me about that other girl and when all thart was going on he said he didnt want me anymore so he was going to give to his friend. That all made me mad when i was only thinking about it so i said that to him but only becayse of everything he said to me.


I may have givin u somewhat the wrong idea or not enough info on this because its such along story but i tried to make it short.
but basiccaly i wanna know how i can get him to talk to me
Question to u honestly do u think he really love u

I need alot of help with everything thats goin on. Theirs alot and its so long of a story that i dont even know where to begin. We have been together for almost 2 years. I wont say the whole story because its way too long but i will tell you bits and peices. Right now, he thinks i want his friend and i dont. so hes kida ignoring me. I only can talk to him at school and thats it. He wrote a note saying that he feels bad about leaving me but he doesnt wanna be hurt anymore. Their is nothing that anyone can say or do to get me to change my mind.... i already know that no matter what and even if i want to i will not give up on trying to keep us together. Even if I Want to give up on it i wont. I just need some help on trying to get him to understand that i really do love him and i dont want anyone else and i dont want him to be hurt but i wanna stay with him forever. I want him to know that I want things between us to be better than they ever were before and us to try to have fun together and get along better and not be misserable together because we both do love each other and we both dont like hurting each other and going throgh this but some how this is how it is............ i tried writing all this to him in a note but he said that one of his friends took it from him and that he never got it back. I told him to try to call me if he can and he said he would but he never did, then again he really isnt aloud to so maybe thats why..... I tried giving him another note and he said "i'l just lose it" so i ended up keeping it and he never read it. I told him to call me then and that was yesterday. So far he hasnt called. he said he would try though. And when i try to talk to him, he acts like he doesnt know me. I think that since he hasnt read that note he may still think that i want his friend and not him so he may be confused as to why i am talking to him. The day before yesterday, i told him in person that i want him and everything, then we kinda talked for like 10 seconds but then later i went back up to him and he just seemed mad again. This was right before we got out of school that day and then he just kinda walked away from me. The only time he talks to me is when i go up to him and he doesnt really say anything. But he sits next to me in 2 classes and in the 2nd one that we have together, he kept looking at me like he was trying to get my attention and then i kinda looked at him and then looked away and he just said "dont look at me like that"
But i dont know what to do.,. I mean from what i said, do you think if i wait, he will seee im not even talking to his friend and start to come back to me? Should i keep trying to talk or wait a little while before i say more to him? whats the best way to get him to come to me?
And he thinks i want his friend because of something that happened a few weeks ago.... He said he was talking to anoither girl and was going to leave me for her so i lied and said i wanted his friend and then he said he was just joking about her then he said it wasnt a lie and i dont know what to believe their becuase he makes things up sometimes to try to make me mad or see what i would do . but then i noticed him ignoring me so i told him that if he didnt want me to give to his friend because i was mad about eveything he told me about that other girl and when all thart was going on he said he didnt want me anymore so he was going to give to his friend. That all made me mad when i was only thinking about it so i said that to him but only becayse of everything he said to me.


I may have givin u somewhat the wrong idea or not enough info on this because its such along story but i tried to make it short.
but basiccaly i wanna know how i can get him to talk to me
Do u think he love u

Do u think he love u

Wondergirl, I quit caring about everything and look at things differently now. My gpa is like 1.3.
I got my report card yesterday and I had the following grades:
Integrated Chem/phys. D-
Newsletter (class impossible to fail. We do nothing in) A
Gym D-
Emglish D
Algebra F


I don't care one bit. I'm about to walk out of the school sometime. I just think I should have a choice to be there. It's my life. I'm being forced to go to a place, and if I don't follow the rules they try to do whatever they do... NO. If I have no choice but to go there, they need to follow my rules.

I don't even want to get into thinking about that whole thing because it upsets me ALOT"


Anyway, as far as eating goes... I'm gaining a lot of weight. Iv'e been eating a lot lately. Which I guess is good because I can't eat much when I'm really sad. And I would be really sad but I just can't feel anything. Even being tired. Its weird. I never feel tired. The only way I know I am is because I fall asleep oughta no where.

question to u honestly do u think he really love u
I don't know
I can't believe anything from him.\
He's nothing but jokes and lies.
He hides everything about who he is.

:) do u really want to talk about it

Originally Posted by beth911
I don't think I really care much anymore about him. After what all he's put me through, it's so different. I mean I just wish I did care like I used to.
Do you think after this he may change, and I'll stilll love him?
Because right now, It's hard to love him after what all he's done to me and I just look at him differently now



Originally Posted by Clough
Well, you could still love him. That doesn't mean that you have to like him. I have said it before, I have dated quite a number of people in the past. There are those with whom I am still in love. I am sure that there are some of them that still love me. But, for various reasons, we went our separate ways and found others with whom we fell in love.

It's okay for things to be that way. That's the way that life is for many people a lot of the times.

I guess that my post above got ignored, as have so many others that have been ignored by you beth911. I would appreciate a response.

I just read this whole teen drama saga and my eyes hurt, beth you need a hobby, I have been you many years ago and you have to move on, for our sake.

i just read this whole teen drama saga and my eyes hurt, beth you need a hobby, i have been you many years ago and you have to move on, for our sake.

I wholeheartedly agree with you! But, my fear and thought is that it will just keep going on and on...

Many people have tried. It doesn't seem to matter what anyone says to her here on this site concerning the situation. She has her own agenda that she wants to keep, no matter what someone else says.

She is obsessed and should be seeking out the help of a professional.

She does have talents that she could be developing and using for her own future, but she doesn't seem to care about them. Only, about her obsession which is most unhealthy for her.

Time to move on...

However, I'm sure that it will be only a short time before our comments here are ignored and she will move on to the same type of questions that she has now been asking for a number of months in order to feed her obsession.

It's easy to predict the future for beth911 because she does not show any desire to change anything about herself.

It's easy to predict the future for beth911 because she does not show any desire to change anything about herself.

Actually, what you read here is only the tip of the iceberg. Beth has moved forward in several ways. Above all, AskMeHelpDesk has given her a place to vent. I thank all those who have listened and responded to her.

Wondergirl, will he ever talk to me though?
And I'm pretty sure it was a lie about dropping out because other wise why would he even be trying at school still?

I guess that my post above got ignored, as have so many others that have been ignored by you beth911. I would appreciate a response.

What is their to say? Other than, in my opinion and the way I look at things, when you really love someone, NOTHING can get in the way of that and you try all you can to have them and to make them happy. That's about the best I can ecplain it.

Just continue to do what I suggested you do.

And I think I like Brandon more. I know it sounds crazy but he's almost just like J, only a lot nicer. But I know I could never really be with him, and I still couldn't give up on J. Do you think in the end of all this mess, J will be a lot better? And be there for me and love and care about me and only me?

The problem is brandon is probobly only noce now if he seems so much like j, the first few boyfriends always seem to end up the same, sometimes the only way to have a good boyfriend is to find the opposite of what you used to , when I did that I ended up married to a great guy, who is a thousand times better then all the guys I had gone out with who were all basically the same.

This is off topic but o well... like that's never happened before. Anyway, I hope someone reads this in time. I can't go to school. I just can't. I'll injure myself and end up in the hospital if I have to. Anythings better than that place. I can't do it. I'mnot like other kids. And I want to die if it means getting out of school.
My parents won't homeschool me because my dad always ahs to try to to make my life too hard on me. TO the point I can't take it and just shoot myself. My parents always argue and I hope really soon they can get a divorce and I can live with my mom and not have to put up with my dad. She doesn't care if I'm homeschooled. And she doesn't care if I get any piercings or tattoo's. Or what I do, really.
I just can't go to school anymore. Its just that feeling of people looking at you weird and noticing things about you. Looking bad. Looking stupid. All that. And I over worry about what I'm going to wear and all that and then I end up wearing the SAME thing EVERYDAY.

Every morning I end up almost punching my dad. And if I had a gun around me I would shoot him.
Just because he won't let me stay home and yells at me for it... I can't think of it. I nmeed to go take my anger out on something now.

OMG are you serious. I got to go and I don tknow what to do. I'll try getting eletricuted. I'll let you know how it goes.

I can't do it. I just can't do it.

He called me and I wasn't home. He wasn't at school today. And I can't call him back.
I was getting my hair done when he called. It looks so awesome. Its like a dark reddish color now. Lol

I am putting my money on B now.

And your hair sounds awesome! You rock, girl!

What do u mean, and what about J?

Please please please please please... what's going to happen?

Let me help you a little here, first lets make this readable :). All I can say Beth is we all have been there before, just another definition of growing pains. You have allot of "I wants" in your post. I know you feel you can't deal being without this boy but you can. Many relationships are filled with mind games and will ultimately be unsuccessful, trust me. Let it go, be kind and respectful of his wishes. If you feel he doesn't undertand that you don't want to be with his friend he will get that message when you are not. Time to move on, this won't be your first or last letdown. If you pursue as you have he will lose all respect for you, if he has not already. If you force him to settle for you, the mind games and distrust will continue to happen. Good luck kid!

PS: Concentrate on your studies, and yourself for now….the results will be much more rewarding.


I need much help with everything that is going on. There is a long a story and I don't even know where to begin. We have been together for almost 2 years. I won't tell the whole story because of its length but I will tell you bits and pieces. Right now, he thinks I want his friend and I really don't. He is kind of ignoring me and I only can talk to him at school. He wrote a note saying that he feels bad about leaving me and doesn't want to be hurt anymore.

There is nothing that anyone can say or do to get me to change my mind... I already know that no matter what, even if I want to I will not give up on trying to keep us together. Even if I want to give up on it I won't! I just need some help on trying to get him to understand that I really do love him and don't want anyone else. I don't want him to be hurt and want to be with him forever. I want him to know that things between us can be better than they ever were. We can try to have fun together while getting along without being miserable plus we both love each other and don't like hurting one another.

I tried writing all this to him in a note but he said that one of his friends took it from him and that he never gave it back. I told him to try and call me if he can but he never did, then again he really isn't aloud to so maybe that is the reason. I tried giving him another note and he said "I'll just lose it" so he never read it. I told him to call me yesterday and so far he hasn't called even though he said he would try. When I try to talk to him, he acts like he doesn't know me; I think that since he hasn't read the note he may still think that I want his friend. The day before yesterday I told him in person that I want to be with him, and then we kind of talked for about 10 seconds. Later I went back up to him and he just seemed mad again. This was right before we got out of school that day and then he just kind of walked away from me. He sits next to me in 2 classes and in the 2nd one he kept looking at me like he was trying to get my attention but when I looked at him he would look away. He did say "don't look at me like that".

I don't know what to do, should I wait, and will he see I am not even talking to his friend then start to come back to me? Should I keep trying to talk to him? What's the best way to get him to come to me? He may think I want his friend or something because of what was said a few weeks ago. He told me that he was talking to another girl and was going to leave me for her so I lied and said I wanted his friend. He then said he was just joking about her but it wasn't a lie about talking to the other girl. I just don't know what to believe because he makes things up sometimes trying to make me mad or see how I would react. Now he is ignoring me so I told him the truth and the reason I said these things because I was angry about that other girl.


I may have given you somewhat the wrong idea or not enough info on this problem due to lack of detail and such along story but I tried. Basically I want to know how I can get him to talk to me again.

He keeps calling me a whore and a skank and stuff now.
I don't get why.
Because he thinks I listen to rap. That's no reason and I don't even listen to rap

Tell him that, if he can't be respectful to you, then you don't want to talk with him. Set boundaries.

Ask him questions about his going into the military. Where will he do boot camp? What about training school after boot?

Wondergirl I need you to talk on mesanfer

OK

J and I got in a big argument yesterday. And I was finally ready to move on and forget about him. I finally got the strength to do it. I told him I didn't even want to talk to him because we would just end up getting back together and I don't want that to happen. He said the same thing but some how this time, he got us to continue to talk to each other. But I'm not so sure I want to get back into this. But I can't leave him while we are still talking. I'm only OK with leaving him when he's treating me like that

Things have gotten like a million times better than what they used to be. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 1/2 years. But he just doesn't like to kiss and hold hands and stuff and that is a big problem for me. He also tries to control me too much. I guess I kind of do the same to him but not as bad and he always has some kind of reason for it all. I just want to know how to change it. Like its OK for him to have friends but I can't have friends because... whatever the reason. And he thinks he's being fair and really he's not. Honestly, I don't want friends anyway. But knowing that if I did have them, he would get all mad about it just really makes me feel bad. But all I have is him. I could understand if he didn't want me to have friends that are guys. But when he doesn't even let me have female friends, that's pretty bad. According to him just about every female is a slut and if I hang out with them then I will become one and end up cheating on him but all he does with his friends is talk about cars and stuff so its OK for him to have them. I know his friends do drugs. How do I know they won't get him to do it? He says he can say no and I cant. But he's said before that they got him to do stuff like that. And if I bring that up all I hear is "thats not as bad as some of the stuff youve done"
And for the holding hands and stuff... he always says that he wants to and we can from now on, then later he changes his mind and says that he only said that because... whatever... he didn't want to hurt my feelings, or he was just lying. etc.
Those are I guess the main problems. And I really think it can be fixed some how. I know its not worth giving up on. So what is it you think I need to do? The only good thing is that if it weren't for him, I would probably be on drugs right now. But he tries to control me, like I said, and he won't let me do those things so I don't do them.
ANd its like he's afraid to say nice things to me sometimes. He won't admit he thinks I'm hot or anything.

He doesn't like to kiss you, hold hands, or compliment you. Sounds like he might love you but isn't IN LOVE with you. I know because my ex wouldn't do those things very much (well kissing was OK but no real public displays of affection). She was jealous of my friends but that was just pissing on territory. On my birtday, I asked her what she liked about me and the first thing she said was "you like to go out to dinner to nice restaurants like I do". Hahaahahaah

I thought things were getting better.. now its like they aren't.

What should you do? For starters dump him on his A$$. Secondly, grow yourself a backbone and get back your dignity and self-respect, and find a real man who will tell you that he loves, honours, and cherishes you. If he doesn't respect you now, he never will.

Let me see. He won't LET you have friends, but HE can have all he wants. Most women are SLUTS. He won't LET you hold his hand or kiss him. His friends do drugs and HE can say no, but he doesn't believe YOU can. He said he was JUST LYING etc. HE won't LET ME do things so I don't do them...

Gee... sign me up for that!

Wondergirl, if you get this... I couldn't send to your inbox...
He says its for some tests or something. But for a while, when everything was going good.. he kept saying that he loves me... Now its like before, he won't even say it back. And if he did say it he would say it like he don't mean it. And when I talk to him all he says is "oh" and "i see" then he says he's just short on words. But everythings like it was and I can't stand it.

I cleaned out my mailbox. Just live your life. Remember when you mostly ignored him? He came around. Do that again.

I'll try. What if that doesn't work?

Don't "try" -- DO IT!!

It will work.

I'm worried about him leaving. HE SAYS he's leaving this summer. But he always makes these things up but something tells me he might not be making it up.

And he said "why would i want to stay? i can't get a job without a car, and i can't get a car without a job"
And he says its his only choice. Then he said "i have to fight just to eat, let alone worry about a car"

And now my biggest problems are that people keep telling me that if he goes in the army he's going to forget about me and find another girl while he's there.
People think he's cheating on me. And all this stuff.
And he's a sociopath so I don't know how to put up with that.
Wondergirl, I've told you the most about this. And you're the only person that hasn't given up on me. Thanks. What do you think? Do you think he would do that?

And now my biggest problems are that people keep telling me that if he goes in the army hes going to forget about me and find another girl while hes there.
People think hes cheating on me. and all this stuff.
And he's a sociopath so idk how to put up with that.
Wondergirl, ive told you the most about this. And your the only person that hasnt given up on me. Thanks. What do you think? do you think he would do that?

Where would he find another girl while he's in the Army? He'll be with guys, not girls.

Ok. What would your plan be for him after he graduates? Do you have a better idea than the Army?

My brother found a girlfriend when he was in the marines. And someone else said that their friend went in the army and forgot all about his girlfriend and met another girlfriend while he was there

Thats it? I dont get like any real good help? anyone who understands and knows exactly what to do?

Beth, I am using a quote from one of your first pages of posts because there have now been 420 posts, many people taking their time and energy who are basically trying to share with you what is best in a situation like yours and that is to bail. Walk and don't look back. If he loves you, he will return to you. If he doesn't, nothing you can do will ever change that.

The energy you have put into a person who is not returning your love, who is doing his own thing time after time, should be a red flag to you to start giving yourself some respect and be open to another who will return your love, give you respect and not make you so miserable.

If he looks sad, he can always call you. You are always available to him. He knows that.

Give yourself some credit for being a human being who can stand strong, accept what is obvious. If he is hiding truth from you about his feelings, his need to tell you those feelings will drive him to do so. If you do not hear from him, you will know you misread him.

You say you don't believe in God, yet you have had dreams you asked for to help guide you and the dreams appear from your post to be saying there is someone else out there who will want to hold your hand, want to love you. God does exist and He wants good for your life. He wants to lead you to someone who can bless you with acceptance and love and give you all this guy cannot and will not.

Make a decision for you. He walked away a long time ago. I know that hurts your heart. It would mine also but I would hope someone would say to me, what I am saying to you, "Walk away, regain your self respect as the person you are meant to be. Fill your life with positive, healthy emotions and when those hurtful feelings and doubts that you are doing the right thing surface, cast them down from your mind. Start living in the present and not in the past. You have a bright future but as long as you struggle to hold on to the possibility of this guy returning to you, you have made your own prison." Break free Beth and live your live with boldness, strength, self-respect.

Be thankful for those who have stood with you as you hurt, appreciate their kindness. Repay that kindness by becoming the person they are hoping for you to become, happy, strong and independent. You can do this... it will be difficult, you have placed yourself in a never ending circle of unhappiness and panic. Make a decision in your head, your heart will follow. As you begin to wean away from the "drama" of this situation, I promise you, you will look back and be sad for the time you have put into a person who offered very little in return. Most guys want to hold onto some tiny part of each women they have dated, you know, just in case the next one doesn't work out. You are allowing him and yourself to dictate how you live every day.

CHOOSE WELL BETH! YOUR WHOLE FUTURE DEPENDS ON THE CHOICES YOU MAKE TODAY, THE NEXT MORNING, THE NEXT MORNING, AND SO ON.

I would venture to bet that most people who have posted to you have had similar experiences in their lives where they were crazy about a guy who once was Mr. Wonderful then moved on yet tried to hang on, just a bit. That is why as you look for someone to tell you what you want to hear, you are finding people telling you what you need to hear.

I wish you the best but only you can make that happen.

Two guys out of kazillions that go into the military... If you make yourself interesting while he's away, he's coming looking for you.

What do you think he should do when he's out of h.s. (if he doesn't join the Army)?

Wondergirl agrees: Trouble is, he's come back and things have been good lately. Intermittent reinforcement.

My point exactly! He is intermittent in his attention and commitment. The trouble as I see it is not so much that he comes back and things have been good from time to time but that Beth is willing to allow him to continue the same pattern over and over and over again which only causes her pain. From her posts, he is back, things are good, he is gone, he is happy flirting with someone else and such with someone else, Beth is caused pain, he is back, he is gone and so it continues. My concern is not for him, but Beth and her self-respect, and future happiness. I don't want to see her establish a pattern by habit to allow guys to continue to do to her what this guy has done. Put it to him once, next time he is gone, have some self-control and say "No thank you!" Every End Is A New Beginning! New beginnings are exciting and healthy and offer a future, not a constant instant replay that causes pain. I am not saying it is an easy decision but just saying it is a healthy one emotionally.

I don't want to see her establish a pattern by habit to allow guys to continue to do to her what this guy has done. Put it to him once, next time he is gone, have some self-control and say "No thank you!" Every End Is A New Beginning! New beginnings are exciting and healthy and offer a future, not a constant instant replay that causes pain. I am not saying it is an easy decision but just saying it is a healthy one emotionally.

For several months, Clough and Grammadidi and I and many others have said exactly that, to no avail. Unfortunately, we cannot be there to hold her hand and give her advice when he calls or comes around or when they see each other at school. When she finally got herself together enough to ignore him and start making a life without him, he noticed and rang her chimes. She unfortunately opened the door.

Intellectually, she knows what she should do.

For several months, Clough and Grammadidi and I and many others have said exactly that, to no avail. Unfortunately, we cannot be there to hold her hand and give her advice when he calls or comes around or when they see each other at school. When she finally got herself together enough to ignore him and start making a life without him, he noticed and rang her chimes. She unfortunately opened the door.

Intellectually, she knows what she should do.

True, one cannot hold another's hand and be there at each turn. At some point, Beth will have to make healthy choices on her own. That is why I wrote to her. To encourage her to do so. I know that Craig and Didi and Tal and many other's have been there to try to help her and encourage her to do the same as I encouraged her to do in my post.

Perhaps intellectually, she knows what she should do but I don't think it hurt anything for me to post to her and encourage her to have some personal growth in her life. She will find her way in time. I have no doubt. It is nice that she has had you to bounce things off as she struggles through this situation. The more input one receives, the more perspective one is able to grasp. Sometimes I have heard the same thing several times, perhaps something as simple as a well-known quote and always liked it but because of a certain circumstance I was in at a particular time and I heard it again, I was more open to the full truth and understanding of it's meaning. So the more Beth reads of other's perspectives, the more she will be able to make up her own mind and reach a happier place. I believe we are all pulling for her to be happy.

Like I've mentioned and makes sense... he's a sociopath. That pretty much explains it all.

I know he loves me but its like he's afraid to show it.. possibly because of how his family is and how he was raised. He doesn't show it all the time and it makes me wonder. He does other things that make me wonder. But then he does a lot for me and I know he really loves me. But its like he doesn't fell like a "man" if he shows it. But sometimes he does anyway. But I can't understand him, because to me if you love someone, you show it all the time. I just think that's how it should be. And that's where all out problems are. Because I get on him about it and then he gets mad at me for that. And that's really our main problem but it leads to a lot of big problems. What should I do? I'm really glad that I finally noticed where the problem starts. Now if I could change that, it could make everything get a little better. Please help me

Have you ever told him in a non-confrontational manner how you feel? I sense that the two of you don't communicate the way you should. I don't buy the whole "not feeling like a man" thing at all. What are the "other" things he's done? It might provide more insight.

Also, the more you push him, the more he is going to back away. Maybe you are pushing too hard? If you do that, he will back away even further. You said yourself that you "get on him" about it, and he gets mad. Well stop getting on him. You can't make him do or feel anything he doesn't want to. Nothing you do can convince him, unless he wants to do it himself.

Stop bugging him about it completely, if you want him to stick around. You are expecting him to act the way you act, and he's either not ready, or doesn't want to. You can't change that.

If you can't accept him the way he is, and deal with it, you don't have a relationship! You can't change anyone.

I been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and he isn't the romantic type at all and ever since our parents found out about us having sex he never wants to go to each others houses. And he won't go in any stores with me or anything because he hates going places and he like to just be stuck in the house all day or be outside some place. He won't even go with me somewhere really quick to just pick up one thing. But some how I still know that he loves me even though he doesn't always show it like he should.
So, I am really close friends with my brothers fiancé. And a guy she works with names adam likes me and he is a really sweat guy. He just wants to love someone and to be loved. And I decided it wouldn't hurt much to be just friends with him because I don't have many friends anyway so I'll be friends with anyone that I know doesn't hate me. Well a couple days ago me and adam started texting each other and last night we met at my brothers house and left to go hang out. I let him drive my car and when he went to give me my keys back when I went to grab the keys he grabed my hand. And we just kind of walked around wal mart just because it was the only place open past midnight.
He kept trying to kiss me but I wouldn't let him. And every time we would hug or anythng I just felt like running away. I just didn't feel right about it. But he is such a nice guy and I know that if I was with him that he would treat me exactly how I want to be treated.
But its not him that I want. I want the guy I been with for 3 years. And I want him to be more like the other guy. I haven't given up on him yet and because I haven't given up I gave him time to slowly change into a better person and in 2 years he is about half way there. Its just that we never see each other when we know we could and we never have anything to do and nothing to talk about and I feel like we are almost nothing nymore. Like we been married for a long time or something.
I don't know its really confusing and I don't think I really worded this the way that I should have worded it.
Is it considered cheating to hold hands with another guy, even though you kind of just feel sorry for him and you know that there is nothing there?
And I was really sad that my boyfriend called and I missed his call because I was hanging out with another guy. But I can't tell him anything because he will leave me and I can't let that happen. I just don't want this to go on anymore but now that I see that I could have a better guy I'm just so confused. But really I don't want anyone else at all. And I don't want to hurt either of them. They are just being themselves.
What should I do?

First of all you do not know that this new guy would treat you the way you want to be treated. No one can predict the future.

There are going to be things about your loved ones that you don't like.Just as I am sure there are things your BF does not like about you.You take the good with the bad and accept them for who they are. And if you can't do that you move on and allow them the opportunity to meet someone who they are more compatible with.

You can't change people and if by some miracle you get them to conform to your wishes you are going to have a resentful guy on your hands who is going to wish he never met you.

In my book,holding hands is cheating.

The only way to improve your relationship is to be open and honest and respect the differences between the two of you and learn to compromise.

Beth 911, I think your not being honest with yourself. Your looking for love in the wrong place. Your boyfriend in unavailable to you, that's a red flag, its going to get worst. This other guy you met, you don't know if he will be the good guy your looking for. I think you need time for yourself, and forget the guys right now.

The fact that you feel the need to hide this from your significant other, shows just how guilty you feel about all this. You are not focused on your current boyfriend for companionship and using excuses like you feel sorry for Adam, unfortunately, just doesn't cut it. In my opinion, you are cheating (maybe I'm biased). Is this the reason why some guys don't like their girls making other guy friends? Maybe. I mean, how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was holding hands with another girl and spending time with them behind your back. Who the heck cares what the reasoning is, you just don't do it!

You guys have been together for 3 years. You need to handle things in a mature and responsible way or all will be lost. Like the other posts have mentioned, you know nothing about Adam. Some people tend to keep their masks on in the earlier stages (then again some never take it off to the point where it doesn't matter anymore). If your going to give up on your 3 year relationship, then at least have some decency and respect for your boyfriend and tell him what's going on. However, if you give in this easily every time something better comes along, I can tell you that you won't have many successful relationships in the future. I can also tell you that there will always be someone better out there. You may have already, but I suggest reading or rereading the stickies in the forum.

We encounter endless temptations throughout our lives and the decisions we make in response is basically what defines who we are. Do yourself a favor and don't allow yourself to be labeled as the cheater.

I think your not happy with the way things are with your current boyfriend- if that is the case- sort that out and end that relationship.

You can't change your boyfriend to be how you would like him to be- he either is or he is not...

The fact that you like someone else-- should tell you deep down the current boyfriend your with may not be the one?

I think you need to really sit down and thinking about everything- if he is not the one- let him go- DO NOT CHEAT- that will be a very low thing to do.

YOu are already "hanging out" with someone else, so that is already cheating, just not having sex, you are giving your time and emotions to someone else.

It sounds like you are very young, living at home parents involved?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/talk-about-bad-relationship-163044.html

Is this the same guy you might cheat on?

Yeah that's the same guy.
And today, adam got all mad and said that the whole thing was just a lie and that he never liked me in the first place but I also heard from someone else that that wasn't true.
And because of all of this I feel like I have realised that me and my boyfriend never go do anything togther and he never wants to go anywhere or do anything and he doesn't want to hold hands out in public or anythng. He won't even come over to my house anymore or let me at his house if parents are arounnd. I'm 17 he is 19 and adam is almost 21. At least adam was holding my hand out in public and wanting to go places with me and do stuff... my boyfriend is really plain and never wants to do anything or even really talk about anything and I'm getting bored with the relationship. I awore on everything for the past 3 years that I couldn't ever leave him and that I would always love him and I think I finally got myself to understand that I will be OK with out him if I could just find someone else who can make me happier because all he ever does is try to make me mad and he thinks its funny.
But right now neither of them will talk to me and I don't know what to do at all. My boyfriend won't talk to me because I mentioned that I think he needs to quit holding me back in life and that we should do more together and that I want to see him more and he just told me to leave him then.

Why do you feel the need to jump into a relationship right after a 3 year relationship? That's not healthy, you have to find yourself again and not depend on someone always being there to cushion the fall

Well I really want to be with this other guy now but he won't talk to me anymore and doesn't like me now. And he acts like I don't even exist. I have sent several text messages trying to get him to talk to me and he ignores every one of them and even though we didn't know each other that well I never felt as happy as I did with him. And now my question is, what is it I need to do for him to talk to me? I've tried everything

He really really liked me a lot befroe but then all of a sudden he thought I would get attatched to easily and be too jellous.
So he wouldn't even give it a chance and he just started saying he thinks I'm crazy and all this stuff when all I did was try texting him to ask why. And if he gave me a chance that would all change but he won't even talk to me now.

I have a boyfriend of 3 years but he doesn't ever want to do anything anymore and I'm bored with the relationship and I met a really sweet guy who is like everything I ever wanted. At first I only wanted to be friends and he wanted more than that. We hung out one night about a week ago and held hands and he tried to kiss me but I wouldn't let him. Then I decided I wanted him more than my boyfriend of 3 years. And the day after I made up my mind he said he only wanted to be friends. He told my sister in law (he works with her) that he thought about giving me another chance but that I over reacted to that so he is afraid of how I would be if we were only together a month or 2 n then broke up.
Now he doesn't like me and wants me to leave him alone.
He isn't even responding to my messages. I apologised a million times and I just really wish I could be with him. I keep having dreams I go back to that night at the lake when he tried to kiss me and that this time I did let him.
And my sister in law is sick of hearing me talk about it
She doesn't think he will change his mind. And now he won't even be friends with me. Its like I no longer exist to him. And he is like everything to me
And I know that he did like me before just bacause before he was around me he kept asking my sister in law if he looked OK and if I would like it and blah blah blah and he was telling her I look good and I seem cool but he thinks I would be too jellous. And some how I managed to give him the wrong idea. He made me happier in that little bit of time than anyone has ever made me in my life. And every second with him I pretty much just laughed until I cried

How long have you known him?

This new guy? Sort of a few months.
I don't see him much though. He is friends with my brothers fiancé and works with her.

And he's everything to you already?

It seems like it. No one has ever made me so happy or enjoyed being around me so much. And now he won't talk to me at all. And I don't know what to do. I just wish I could have someone else talk to him and him listen to what they say so he can change his mind hopefully

Lol and my horoscope says that I may think that someone hasn't been listingin to be but that I will get a response later that shows they care and were listening all along. Lol

Sorry to say it won't happen. He's over you.

What's with J? I thought he was everything to you.

I'm bored with how he never wants to go anywhere or do anything. Its like we aren't even together. And this other guy just got the wrong idea sme h0w 0r things wuldnt be this way.
S0rry my 0 is somewhat broke. It w0rks when it wants.

This other guy... went out on a date with this one girl that he works with and I never did like her. They went on a date yesterday. He is almost 21 and she is 15. But I don't know if I care anymore or not. But I think I might give my friends friend a try. J's making me really bored with the relationship and he don't let me do anything so I have to do some things behind his back which makes me start doing more and more behind his bacck to the point where I'm just not honest with him anymore and I'm beginning to feel like I just don't care anymore. I wish I did but its like I just don't feel anything. I don't care but I don't not care. I don't know if I love him anymore. I want to but I just don't feel it. I'm really confused and I feel like we are just strangers anymore and he don't let me do anything at all.

this other guy... went out on a date with this one girl that he works with and i never did like her. they went on a date yesterday. he is almost 21 and she is 15. but i dont know if i care anymore or not. but i think i might give my friends friend a try. J's making me really bored with the relationship and he dont let me do anything so i have to do some things behind his back which makes me start doing more and more behind his bacck to the point where im just not honest with him anymore and im begining to feel like i just dont care anymore. i wish i did but its like i just dont feel anything. i dont care but i dont not care. i dont know if i love him anymore. i want to but i just dont feel it. im really confused and i feel like we are just strangers anymore and he dont let me do anything at all.
Wasn't that J's big thing anyway? -- controlling your time and space. Btw, that 21 y/o is facing life as a sex offender if he messes with that 15 y/o. Back to you and J -- I'd think you all are too busy shoveling snow these days that you don't have time to worry about relationships. Every time I listen to a weather report, you are getting more snow! Anyhoo, dump all the guys for a while and get your own act together. What's in your future? You'll be a senior in the fall, or you'll graduate this spring? What next? Community college and a certificate in a vocation you will enjoy? Flipping burgers for the rest of your life at MickeyDee's? Get yourself going and make some progress with yourself. Forget the guys for now.

If I forget them I sit around the house all day and do nothing but listen to music. Where does that get me? At least john pushes me into doing something with my life.. probably x ray tech

If i forget them i sit around the house all day and do nothing but listen to music. where does that get me? atleast john pushes me into doing something with my life.. probably x ray tech
No school? Will you graduate in May? Whatever happened with him and school and the military?

And this 15 yr old is kind of a um... I can't think of an appropriate name for it. Lets just say she has like 5 other boyfriends. And just last week she was cheating on one guy with two other guys and he left her then she kept cutting herself and she didn't understand why he left.
So I'm sure she will just cheat on him too.
He told me when we were talking that that girl was so annoying and all this stuff... obviously not.

Yeah we graduate in spring.
I don't know what he is doing.
I try talking to him about it and he can't be serious about it. I can't talk to him at all about anything/ the only time he is ever serious is when he is mad and then he don't want anything to do with me

and this 15 yr old is kinda a um... i can't think of an appropriate name for it. lets just say she has like 5 other boyfriends. and just last week she was cheating on one guy with two other guys and he left her then she kept cutting herself and she didnt understand why he left.
so im sure she will just cheat on him too.
he told me when we were talking that that girl was so annoying and all this stuff... obviously not.
Cutting?? She has bigger problems than you or I do! She must really hate herself big-time!

I have the same situation. We are teens. Don't limit your choices. DumP both guys and start fresh. This time keep your options open. Trust me by keeping yourself in this sitution your keeping yourself from all the other guys out there who I'm sure would treat you way better.----p.s what your doing is called cheating, not physically but emotionally.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years now. I am 18 and he is 19. It seems as if he is just6 not a people person and thinks he is the best and smartest person in the world. He is not what would be considered a loving person and doesn't want to have kids or get married... but he seems to want to still stay together for a very long time. He is not the type to kisss od hug and because of this I feel so hurt. I know he loves me because of the things that he does for me and I am really the only person that he talks to because he is such a loner. He expects me to be like him. We never really argue like we used to but its so hard for me to hold all this in and he will get mad when I tell him and that only makes things a lot more worse. Its so hard to explain and I am probably giving the wrong idea but its like he does love me but he is jus5t to afraid to show that he cares about me or he doesn't know how some how. I don't know what I should do about this. Please help me. He is the same way to his family and his mom said she would have his dad talk to him about how he acts like that to get him to stop but she hasn't yet and I'm afraid it weill only make things worse but she said that she knows what she is doing and she is sure that it won't get worse. But I have been waiting so long for them to have this talk and it still hasn't happeneed and I am too afriad to bring it up to her for some reason. What should I do?

This seems to be a problem, but to solve it, all you need to do is talk to him. If you guys aren't on the same page (meaning you understand both situations and will try to work on it), maybe you should consider being alone for a while and see what you really want.

He's got to learn that in order to be in a relationship, he has to communicate. He might not like it, but that's reality, not just with you, but with the world in general. It sounds like he has two diseases of young men:

Strong fear that he will discover that he is not that smart if he engages others in an exchange of ideas
Intolerance for listening; it feels like a weakness to pre-adult males.


Since you need affection and communication, teach him by example. Since he gets angry, you have to learn how to manage that. You can get him to stop. Take your time and teach him slowly. But teach him!

This is most likely your first serious relationship, considering that you are only 18 and you've been together for 4 years. Most people in their first serious relationship cannot see the signs of when it might be time to call it quits. There are quite a few red flags in your situation. Here are just a few that I can see:

1) "He is just not a people person and thinks he is the best and smartest person in the world." -- Who cares what other people think of him, as long as you don't see it that way? But it definitely seems like it bothers you.

2) "He is not what would be considered a loving person and doesnt want to have kids or get married." -- I'm guessing that you want a loving person who will consider having children and possibly getting married one day? Already, you have different values.

3) "He is not the type to kisss od hug and because of this i feel so hurt." -- Why don't you look for a more affectionate person to be with. This guy clearly isn't your type.

4) "He expects me to be like him." -- What kind of attitude is that? Sounds controlling/needy. He cannot tell you what to do. You are your own person.

5) "Its like he does love me but he is just too afraid to show that he cares about me or he doesnt know how some how." -- After 4 years, if he still can't understand you, then there are serious communication issues.

6) I have been waiting so long for them to have this talk and it still hasn't happeneed and I am too afriad to bring it up to her for some reason." -- You can't say that you haven't given this relationship a chance. You've waited and there is no progress.

Why continue to torture yourself. You've had some great times. Don't be scared that you can't find anyone else. Just look at this post, I just pointed out at least 6 things/qualities that you would prefer in a guy. I'm sure you will find someone who will live up to at least some of these standards. I know that you have a lot of history, but that's all in the past now. Now that you have a clearer picture of what you want, it's time to learn from this experience, grow as a person, accept this reality and move on with your life.

First off you never get other people involve in your relationship. There is a difference between talking to your boyfriend mother but talking her about the problems in your relationship and expecting her to fix them are a big no no. If your afraid to talk to your boyfriend about your problems then you shouldn't be what him.

Then you wrote, "your boyfriend expects for you to like him"--what? If you don't like him then you don't have to be with him.

Some how I think your staying with your boyfriend out of pity and dragging out a much needed break-up due to him being a loner. He sounds like he might have issues that were there before you enter the picture.

He thinks he is smarter/better than anyone else but is antisocial and can't even express himself clearly to you. He doesn't want to get married nor have kids but he plan on being with you for a long time--what?

You can't teach this guy nothing and how long do you plan on staying trying to teach him? You tried time after time to get him to open up and talk but he didn't and still don't. So your next move is up to you.

Btw, if your boyfriend gets mad at you you don't have to learn to manage his anger nor accept it. He needs to learn to manage his own anger. Never take any unnecessary crap from a guy.

I don't see this relationship working.

You're too young to settle. Please don't settle. You'll only regret it. You have your whole life ahead of you. Tell him everything that's bothering you. It sounds like you two have a lot to talk about.

If you two have different paths you wish to travel, which it seems you do, it's best to end things now. You seem to want a stable family life somewhere down the line, while he doesn't and has said it. You have to know where the line ends for what you are willing to sacrifice for him

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You have not taken any advice from before and now your back asking how to fix things again with this fellow.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/talk-about-bad-relationship-163044.html

How soon you forget.

My question is, what do you get from this relationship that makes you stay in it?

You don't get the love and affection that you crave, so what's in it for you?

I understand that you're young and it's possibly your first relationship, but what you need to understand is that you can't change other people, you can only change yourself.

He won't change unless he thinks that there is something in it for him. You need to talk to him about the changes you'd like to see, not wait for someone else to do it.

If you can't talk to him about what's happening in your relationship, what's the point of having one?