Hey All,

Just stopping by to gripe a little so I do not break my NC. I would say its been about 8 weeks so far that me and my ex girl are broken up. She called my cousin because he got engaged and she also called my grandmother to say hi and all. We also have a few mutual friends that I still keep in touch with and hang out. The other day I found out that she asks how I am doing and all nothing more just asks for a update to make sure I'm still breathing. This is were it gets interesting. She also told them she would like to call me but she said that I'm so in love with her and attached to her I wouldn't be able to stand to talk to her and not have her. She also told them that I loved her so much more than she could ever love me and that I need her. She went on how she was my everything. OMG you don't know how bad I wanted to call her on the spot and flip out on her. I mean she's going out doing what she has to do FINE! Were not together but why is she talking all this garbage?? What did I do?? I don't call her I don't text her I don't email her. I don't get it. To top it all off she calls my cousin and ask how I'm doing so his answer is great and she starts laughing and is like yea sure. My grandmother the same thing she say's he's doing great and she's don't believe it. She thinks she's gods gift to men I don't get it. I feel like she never cared about me especially with this cocky attitude. I just don't know but I had to vent to get this all out so I don't break NC, cause she won't ever she just wants to talk how I'm sooo in need of her...

Any thought??

I guess she is in denial and this is her way of coping with the breakup. Why does it bother you so much. It is probably wishful thinking on her part, but was the split amicable, did you both agree to split up ?

I think there is more to this story then meets the eye :) (or lips)

She's just trolling for a reaction from you. Don't take the bait.

I guess she is in denial and this is her way of coping with the breakup. Why does it bother you so much. It is probably wishful thinking on her part, but was the split amicable, did you both agree to split up ?

I think there is more to this story then meets the eye :) (or lips)

Well I just felt like she didn't want to be with me no more and one day we had a small figth and I was like what gives do you no want to be with me or something? She was like of course I do after going back and forth she said you no what no I don't think its working we have different beliefs that are to different. I wanted to try to make it work but it was over at that point. We were 3 hours from home so we spent the next 3 hours driving home when we got to her house we hugged kissed and I left and that was the last time I saw her.


She's just trolling for a reaction from you. Don't take the bait.


I kind of lost it not to her but I did get a little upset and told her friend what's her problem? Her friend told me she don't even trust her when it comes to loyalty she had a friendship with a girl for 10 yrs the my ex met a new friend and bang never talked to her again or anything. No tears never any upset atitude that's it she's just COLD!

Well I just felt like she didnt want to be with me no more and one day we had a small figth and I was like what gives do u no want to be with me or something?? She was like of course I do after going back and forth she said you no what no I dont think its working we have different beliefs that are to different. I wanted to try to make it work but it was over at that point. We were 3 hours from home so we spent the next 3 hours driving home when we got to her house we hugged kissed and I left and that was the last time i saw her.




I kind of lost it not to her but I did get a little upset and told her friend whats her problem?? Her friend told me she dont even trust her when it comes to loyalty she had a friendship with a girl for 10 yrs the my ex met a new friend and bang never talked to her again or anything. no tears never any upset atitude thats it shes just COLD!


That's my thought of her!

Just stick to your guns and keep on doing what you've been doing. She'll get the idea out of her head sooner or later.

Just stick to your guns and keep on doing what you've been doing. She'll get the idea out of her head sooner or later.


You I hear that its just sad how after 3 years this is the way things worked out and this is what she really thinks and believes.

How is she abusing you? She is playing games with you and members of your family. Guess that could be some kind of emotional abuse. You do not have to listen to any of it. When you family tells you, stop them right away and say, "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS." Then stick to it. In fact, you can go as far as informing your family and friends that talking about you, behind your back to this woman, is a breach of your personal confidentiality. They do not need to be telling tales about you to her. Once they stop feeding that beast information, she will give up.

You keep that No Contact in place. Do not rise to her baiting, rise above her and keep the higher ground to yourself. She wants you to call and rant. If you do that, she wins!

How is she abusing you? She is playing games with you and members of your family. Guess that could be some kind of emotional abuse. You do not have to listen to any of it. When you family tells you, stop them right away and say, "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS." Then stick to it. In fact, you can go as far as informing your family and friends that talking about you, behind your back to this woman, is a breach of your personal confidentiality. They do not need to be telling tales about you to her. Once they stop feeding that beast information, she will give up.

You keep that No Contact in place. Do not rise to her baiting, rise above her and keep the higher ground to yourself. She wants you to call and rant. If you do that, she wins!


Ya that makes sense, But it makes me wonder could she serious believe that. Does she believe I'm going to die without her. That Im so in love with her I can't deal with it. I just do not know anymore.

Yes, she seriously believes this. She is too much into herself to know anything else. Used to call those kind of females as having as "goddess complex" - the world circles around them and every man in her orbit. Good thing you are done with her, that would have a tough relationship to fulfill.

Chris, just keep up with the NC, and don't worry about who she talks to or what she asks. They all know she is crazy and that you are better off without her. She is just bored with herself and does not know what else to do right now.. It is no longer your problem, too bad it took three years of your valuable time to experience one with a complex as big as her's.

I hope you find the woman you deserve, just give yourself time and get to know other women who are not so self-serving.

Good luck and keep us posted on your healing progress. You sound like you're doing pretty good except for being angry at her communicating with others. She is still alive and will talk to anyone who will listen, but it should not bother you that much anymore.

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Chris, just keep up with the NC, and don't worry about who she talks to or what she asks. They all know she is crazy and that you are better off without her. She is just bored with herself and does not know what else to do right now.. It is no longer your problem, too bad it took three years of your valuable time to experience one with a complex as big as her's.

I hope you find the woman you deserve, just give yourself time and get to know other women who are not so self-serving.

Good luck and keep us posted on your healing progress. You sound like you're doing pretty good except for being angry at her communicating with others. She is still alive and will talk to anyone who will listen,, but it should not bother you that much anymore.

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Hey Funny thing she really will talk to anyone who will listen that is sooo true that's exactly her lol. I am definitely doing well just hit ruff patches sometimes like the holidays now and I find out what she's saying. O well point is I agree with u

Sounds to me like an inferiority complex in which she needs to reaffirm her (percieved)superiority over you. If you treat her as insignificant it hurts her worse than if you told her off. Maintain total no contact. It is exactly what she does not want.You are lucky to have gotten away from this one.

Send a message back via your mutual friends that says

Evidently she is the one N0T over me just LOOK at the obsession that she can't stop talking about me after I have had N0 CONTACT with her all this time!

That should nip it in the bud!

Hey All,

Just stopping by to gripe a little so I do not break my NC. I would say its been about 8 weeks so far that me and my ex girl are broken up. She called my cousin because he got engaged and she also called my grandmother to say hi and all. We also have a few mutual friends that I still keep in touch with and hang out. The other day I found out that she asks how I am doing and all nothing more just asks for a update to make sure im still breathing. This is were it gets interesting. She also told them she would like to call me but she said that im so in love with her and attached to her I wouldn't be able to stand to talk to her and not have her. She also told them that I loved her so much more than she could ever love me and that I need her. She went on how she was my everything. OMG you don't no how bad I wanted to call her on the spot and flip out on her. I mean she's going out doing what she has to do FINE! were not together but why is she talking all this garbage????? what did i do??? I don't call her I don't text her I don't email her. I don't get it. To top it all off she calls my cousin and ask how I'm doing so his answer is great and she starts laughing and is like yea sure. My grandmother the same thing she say's hes doing great and she's don't believe it. She thinks she's gods gift to men I don't get it. I feel like she never cared about me especially with this cocky attitude. I just don't know but I had to vent to get this all out so I don't break NC, cause she wont ever she just wants to talk how I'm sooo in need of her...

Any thought???

She is an insecure little girl and goading you to get you to call her and breakdown and flip her out. Women are 10 times better than us at emotional control. She is trying to make herself feel better. A secure individual feels no need to bash the other person because they are secure with their own position in life. Don't let it frustrate you, realize she is still a bit angry about the breakup and has to use passive aggressiveness to get back at you. It's classic. Has happened to me before. Listen, if you really want to show her how much of a good guy you are than laugh those things off. When your friends mention it then say "haha, well if that makes her feel better". Don't respond negatively at all, in fact say you're happy she's doing well. Make it look like it doesn't even faze you. Do not call her as you would be playing right into her game. Be strong. You're doing well and the fact you are keeping NC is driving her to do these ridiculous and childish things. Cheers!

Hey Funny thing she really will talk to anyone who will listen that is sooo true thats exactly her lol. I am definatly doing well just hit ruff patches sometimes like the holidays now and I find out what shes saying. O well point is i agree with u

Thanks hon. Next time you can click on the orange button and 'rate this answer', then agree with our help that way.

Glad I could help.

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Sounds to me like an inferiority complex in which she needs to reaffirm her (percieved)superiority over you. If you treat her as insignificant it hurts her worse than if you told her off. Maintain total no contact. It is exactly what she does not want.You are lucky to have gotten away from this one.
Question I have her on my myspace account and she has me now that this is going on would I look like a dummy or look weak if I removed her now.?

Everyone is saying to take her out of everything and I have not this makes me want to.

Remove her! You would not look like a dummy or a weak person - it would be a smart move.

Take her out! She has no power to use you if you don't let her.

You should tell your family to stop answering her calls and tell your mutual friends that you don't want to know anything about what is going on with her or anything that she says. Or, you can just let her sit on her high horse and think whatever she wants, and just make yourself laugh at the ridiculous things that she is saying. It's almost funny the things that you find out about a person after you are no longer together with them... because you are able to look at the stupid things they do and say without any bias. So either tell your family to stop communicating with her or just kick back and laugh at her. Don't waste a minute of your time on her.

question I have her on my myspace account and she has me now that this is going on would I look like a dummy or look weak if i removed her now.???

Chris
I would definitely remove her like the others have said , it will show you are not hanging on to her.

Chris
I would definately remove her like the others have said , it will show you are not hanging on to her.


OK I think your all right the only reason I have not removed her yet was because I feel once I do that its definitely over and there's no more chances of getting her back... Does this sound dumb??

First off I got to give you a TON of props for not calling her after that. I know I'd flip out, but it goes to show your strength of character to not have called.

From my view point you are inside her head. She obviously insulted you or said that you cannot get over her because she is angry that you have not called her, she's pissed about that:).

What I am learning is that some girls can't take being ingnored, they may not be wanting you again, but they sure as heck want you to want them. You, my man, are giving it to her good with the N/C. Some girls don't care if you don't call and they move on, your girls cares and I could not imagine a better way to keep getting at her than NOT CALLING, especially if she thinks you will have heard what she said. She may have said it to get you to call, but you know your betterthan that, you've already proved it.

Good on you man.

First off I gotta give you a TON of props for not calling her after that. I know I'd flip out, but it goes to show your strength of character to not have called.

From my view point you are inside her head. She obviously insulted you or said that you cannot get over her b/c she is angry that you have not called her, she's pissed about that:).

What I am learning is that some girls can't take being ingnored, they may not be wanting you again, but they sure as heck want you to want them. You, my man, are giving it to her good with the N/C. Some girls don't care if you don't call and they move on, your girls cares and I could not imagine a better way to keep getting at her than NOT CALLING, especially if she thinks you will have heard what she said. She may have said it to get you to call, but you know your betterthan that, you've already proved it.

Good on you man.


Ya it took a lot not to call ill tell you that. Now I just need to make the next move and cut her off everything I'm just not sure if that cuts all ties and if that's right?? Will that cut my ties with her or if its meant to be it just will be?

That's a question I have been debating for the last little while. My girl was jabbing me kind of like yours is, It got to me and so I deleted every possible way to communicate with her saveher phone number. I went 3 months and was slowly getting over it until I had a moment and called her, NOW she is on my MSN and we talk once and a while.

Here's the thing, sometimes I wonder whether calling her was the right move, but at the same time I wonder if I have a shot at her in the future, that's the problem we all face. IF you go N/C you will heal and eventually be over it, if you go back than it will take longer to heal and you may hurt yourself even worse BUT you MAY, one day get her back. It all depends on what your willing to do for it, how important she is to you and so on.

I mean, if my ex-girl posted a pic with her and a new man I would be hurt, but It was me who made the decision to re-open these possibilities, just makesure you can handle whatever comes your way IF you do call her. Just be PREPARED!

Thats a question I have been debating for the last little while. My girl was jabbing me kinda like yours is, It got to me and so I deleted every possible way to communicate with her saveher phone number. I went 3 months and was slowly getting over it until I had a moment and called her, NOW she is on my MSN and we talk once and a while.

Here's the thing, sometimes i wonder whether calling her was the right move, but at the same time i wonder if i have a shot at her in the future, thats the problem we all face. IF you go N/C you will heal and eventually be over it, if you go back than it will take longer to heal and you may hurt urself even worse BUT you MAY, one day get her back. It all depends on what your willing to do for it, how important she is to you and so on.

I mean, if my ex-girl posted a pic with her and a new man I would be hurt, but It was me who made the decision to re-open these possibilities, just makesure you can handle whatever comes your way IF you do call her. Just be PREPARED!
No CALLing will not happen that's a fact!

With myspace I am just getting to the point were I check her account every so often to see if there are any changes or things like that. I really want opinion of who thinks I should remove her from my list and who thinks I shoudnt?? If I do remove her does it ruin any chances of getting back wwith her or does it make things worse for our relationship or better..

If I do remove her does it ruin any chances of getting back wwith her or does it make things worse for our relationship or better..

Just remove her. MySpace creates too much problems anyway. It makes you inclined to check her page. Besides, if you guys didn't get back together, it's not because you removed her on MySpace, it's because she's a biotch that didn't know she had someone good and let him go.

Yeah, also tell your family to stop taking her calls. They should be on your side. And as for mutual friends... yikes... I know how you feel there. My aunt is my ex's boss. And it eats me alive to hear things. Thankfully, my aunt doesn't tell me crap. So tell your mutual friends not to talk about it.

Good luck.

This sounds true

Okie all, So I actually removed her she's gone off mypage now I guess the last issue is the fact that I have made friends with a lot of her friends and we still stay togethor when she's not around of course. So not sure how this is going to make her react but if she gets mad and has her friends not stay with me anymore then that's just the way it has to be. Then I will move forward in a different part of my life. Not sure why I made such a big deal out of this but in a small little way it kind of feels good. Just hope it was the right choice.

Basically just keep up the no contact. She actually has herself convinced of what she is saying or just likes to lie about things. Either way going back with her ( or even talking with her) will only dredge up old feelings and make YOUR stress levels go up.

Well that's why I removed her from my contact and my myspace . I think I'm going to even start deleting the email address she has on my email account no need for me to store her things were I got to see them ever dam day!

That was moving forward...

There used to be a song I liked a lot where the lady sang: "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair, and send him on his way".. It's an oldie, but it stuck to me for some reason. This also can apply to guys.. just use your favorite shampoo. - or even find another shampoo that will not remind you of the relationship with her. Any effort you make to adjust your life and lose those memories is helpful in cases like this.

I promise, within time, you'll get better and better at it and start enjoying your life again.

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I lost a lot of my friends because of this relationship so that's my biggest thing cause when I'm with other buddies or family I feel great I don't think about her its when I'm alone or when I wake up in the moening I do the most thinking . Even the weekend she always goes out sometimes I wonder who she's with. But the truth is I had the thought of us breaking up for the longest time I was just scared of being alone

I lost alot of my friends because of this relationship so thats my biggest thing cause when im with other buddies or family I feel great i dont think about her its when im alone or when i wake up in the moening i do the most thinking . Even the weekend she always goes out sometimes i wonder who shes with. But the truth is I had the thought of us breaking up for the longest time I was just scared of being alone

At least you are being honest with yourself. Being alone can be good if used constructively. Rearrange your room, buy something new for the place, even move the bed to another location - as long as it's not the same as when she was there... that will also make it easier.

You'll also make new friends.. ones that care about you and not the relationships you have had or will have in the future. So... get out and get out of that 'lonely zone'.

Hey Chris, this was EXACTLY like my situation only for the fact that it was Facebook not myspace (same deal). Hopefully she does not take you deleting her as a response to what she said about you, but even so I agree with the move.

Sites like myspace and Facebook are the DEVIL whenit comes to ex's, you don't want to know what she is doing or whom she speaks to, that's why I deleted my girl, to save me from going insane.

From my own situation it was the rightmove, I mean you still have her number and she still has yours. If anything you have removed the "easy" way out, which is just send a message via the internet, this will make her call you if she has something to say.

Overall I think your in a good position, its hard to NC I know, but you still have the ability to contact her and she can contact you as well, so if something will eventually happen you have the ability to let it. So you should not worry about whether this was the right choice or not, you really have not lost anything, only gained. I would notbe surprisedif she contacts you in some way to confront you deleting her, that's what mine did, if shedoes you know she cares:)

Hey Chris, this was EXACTLY like my situation only for the fact that it was facebook not myspace (same deal). Hopefully she does not take u deleting her as a response to what she said about you, but even so I agree with the move.

Sites like myspace and facebook are the DEVIL whenit comes to ex's, you don't want to know what she is doing or whom she speaks to, thats why i deleted my girl, to save me from going insane.

From my own situation it was the rightmove, i mean you still have her number and she still has yours. If anything you have removed the "easy" way out, which is just send a message via the internet, this will make her call you if she has something to say.

Overall I think ur in a good position, its hard to NC i know, but you still have the ability to contact her and she can contact you as well, so if something will eventually happen you have the ability to let it. So you should not worry about whether this was the right choice or not, you really have not lost anything, only gained. I would notbe surprisedif she contacts you in some way to confront you deleting her, thats what mine did, if shedoes you know she cares:)
Yea I no about face book same concept See I found myself checking it all the time to see if she's talking to new guys what she's up to and so on. So I always wanted to keep it but every time I saw new pics or even old ones it made me upset. So instead of keeping this up I figured after all that was said and done its time. I called a month ago when I found out she was having surgey she didn't have much to say. She did ask if I was dating and how I was doing but I kind of got the cold shoulder like she was akward or something to talk to me. So why should I keep hurting myself my looking at her myspace when who knows what she's thinking only think I no is that she broke up with me its her choice. And that I must move on now.

YOu got it Chris. I'm still in shock at how similar this is to my situation. I was on Facebook for days and days tracing every single wall post and new guy she added, I had to delete my account cause I was obsessed. I too also called her after a month and she was very cold to me, that's when I decieded to leave Facebook.

You can check out my story on this site, basically it the thinking and situation that will happenif you do deceide to call her again, for now though I'd let it be and start healing, then you can re-assess your feelings after some time.

Hey So my granmother just called me and she finished the story about my my ex told her when she called. She forgot to mention that when anna my ex call she asked my grandmother if she heard the news so she said no what , she then goes on he didn't tell you he's going skiing with MY FRIENDS, I can't go cause I have a party so they invited him. But of course they asked me if I was OK with it cause if I said no they said they would not take him.

Now I no even that she told my grandmother not to mention to me that she called, how could someone's own family member not mention something like this to them. So now I'm even more happy that I cut her off my myspace and kept the NC.

Why would she say something like this is she didn't care what I did or was doinng??

Because it bothers the heck out of her that you are not there, begging like a dog for a bone, for her favors. It REALLY bothers her. Not so much because she wants you back but for the fact that she is a goddess. Your Grandmother should just hang up the phone next time she calls - your Grandma does not need that drama queen either.

Because it bothers the heck out of her that you are not there, begging like a dog for a bone, for her favors. It REALLY bothers her. Not so much because she wants you back but for the fact that she is a goddess. Your Grandmother should just hang up the phone next time she calls - your Grandma does not need that drama queen either.

So she wants me to beg to make her feel better is what I'm getting from u?? Is that what u mean?

It is not that she wants you back but her attitude speaks like she just cannot believe you are surviving without her. I don't think she wants to go and beg her. If you would go to her and ask to come back, you would not get past the door. She would laugh and slam the door. It is all in her warped psyche. She has some emotional problems and yet cannot look at them, because, in her mind, she is the perfect one. So she plays the games she does. Unfortunately she engages your family and friends in them too - the calling and questioning and they report to you. That is warped too.

You can say to your family and friends that you really, honestly do not want to hear her name, hear about her phone calls, hear about her friends, etc. When they start in with what she said, cut them off. You can do that nicely.

Think of it like an allergy to pizza (heaven forbid an allergy to that but for example only). You cannot eat pizza anymore but everywhere you go, there it is. Friends talk about the great pizaa they ate. Your Grandma is baking a pepperoni deluxe pizza as you are walking in the door. You go out with friends and what do they order? Pizza! Until you are more able to stand on your own feet, avoid it. There will be a time when you automatically avoid it, and it is not an issue.

Same with the toxic ex girlfriend. Also, can you make some new friends, ones who do not know her or are associated with her? Not saying you ditch the ones you already have but to expand your base of friends. No prior history gooing on there.

It is not that she wants you back but her attitude speaks like she just cannot believe you are surviving without her. I don't think she wants to go and beg her. If you would go to her and ask to come back, you would not get past the door. She would laugh and slam the door. It is all in her warped psyche. She has some emotional problems and yet cannot look at them, because, in her mind, she is the perfect one. So she plays the games she does. Unfortunately she engages your family and friends in them too - the calling and questioning and they report to you. That is warped too.

You can say to your family and friends that you really, honestly do not want to hear her name, hear about her phone calls, hear about her friends, etc. When they start in with what she said, cut them off. You can do that nicely.

Think of it like an allergy to pizza (heaven forbid an allergy to that but for example only). You cannot eat pizza anymore but everywhere you go, there it is. Friends talk about the great pizaa they ate. Your Grandma is baking a pepperoni deluxe pizza as you are walking in the door. You go out with friends and what do they order? Pizza! Until you are more able to stand on your own feet, avoid it. There will be a time when you automatically avoid it, and it is not an issue.

Same with the toxic ex girlfriend. Also, can you make some new friends, ones who do not know her or are associated with her? Not saying you ditch the ones you already have but to expand your base of friends. No prior history gooing on there.
So heeres the thing all the people I'm going skiing with were her friends first After staying with them for 3 yrs we all became friendly the ski trip is mext Friday.

Is it a bad thing that I'm going. And matter a fact her best friends asked if I can take her in my car?? What do you think?

I would so not go on this trip. Take HER in YOUR car? Nooooooooo wayyyyyyyyy. If you did that, you would be, as my Dad used to say about people who continue to self abuse, "a glutton for punishment."

Find something else fun to do that weekend. But no trip with the friends and the ex girlfriend. You would have to wear a necklace of garlic and carry a silver bullet with you if you did.

I would so not go on this trip. Take HER in YOUR car? Nooooooooo wayyyyyyyyy. If you did that, you would be, as my Dad used to say about people who continue to self abuse, "a glutton for punishment."

Find something else fun to do that weekend. But no trip with the friends and the ex gf. You would have to wear a necklace of garlic and carry a silver bullet with you if you did.

Okie now I no I might be acting neive or something but why is that so wrong. Is that a bad sign? Or something or a sign of weakness on my part? I am really confused. Because I'm talking about her friends going she can't make it my ex is staying home...

"And matter a fact her best friends asked if i can take her in my car??? what do u think?"

See I read this to say that her best friends asked you if you could take this ex girlfriend with you, in your car, when you go on this trip. But she is not going now? That is not a bad thing you know. You two should not be in the same place at the same time for a long time.
Go on the trip if you want to go. Hopefully it will not be a re-hash of your relationship with this ex girlfriend.

Chris
I agree with Shy , I don't think there will be a problem if you want to go on this trip. BUT do not get into discussions about your Ex with her friends , do not try to get information about her from her friends. If they bring it up just say I would rather not discuss this please. Go and have a good time and show everyone you are moving on and can live and be happy without her.

I'd hold off on the trip Chris, its not that it is a sign of weakness but rather you are falling into the "what if" syndrome. You would go to see what happens, "what if" she wants me back or this and that, we all go through it.

I think what you are doing is working perfectly, I would'nt change it one bit. Although in saying that, if my ex-girl messaged me I would not think it wise to message back... but I would.

Thanks everyone for the concern and support. I do not mention my ex to her friends or out mutual friends things she says to them I do not even respond on. Like when her friend told me she was asking about me and her friend got fed up and said if you want to no about his where abouts you call him. That's when she made the comment how she would but I'm to attached to her still and she didn't want to make it harder on me.


She also told my grandmother that I'm going AWAY WITH HER FRIENDS all of a sudden there her friends.
And how she was asked if she don't want me to go her friends will put a stop to it.

I didn't give any response to her or her friends. She does not want me that's fine I will stand back. I told my granny that's her friends also if they didn't say something like that they woudnt be her friend.

Also and lastly her best friends tells me how she don't trust her cause she's so cold and how lucky I am that she left me and I still don't comment on that in case it's a trap I work hard not to show my reall feelings ever to the enemy!!

I just want to go and have fun with our mutual friends.

I just want to go and have fun with our mutual friends.
As long as she's not there, and you are strong enough to maintain your strict observance of no response to any comments or questions about her, I'd say go for it. If they're truly your friends, they'll be able to see that who you are is very different from her opinion of you.

Since you were asked to go, I would say these are your friends too, people do not 'belong' to anyone. I am sure they would not like to be discussed as objects to be divvied up. Have a great time!

Since you were asked to go, I would say these are your friends too, people do not 'belong' to anyone. I am sure they would not like to be discussed as objects to be divvied up. Have a great time!


Your so right you see my ex is a controlling person and I think she made those comments to make her feel like she's still in control . I don't think she thought in her wildest dream I would stick to my guns on NC. Im not saying she regrets her decision I just think she's in shock!!

As long as she's not there, and you are strong enough to maintain your strict observance of no response to any comments or questions about her, I'd say go for it. If they're truly your friends, they'll be able to see that who you are is very different from her opinion of you.


Exactly no questions!

Matter a fact I was online AOL today and 2 separate female friends that were her friends first sent me messages and we talked for a while. Matter a fact when we broke up I removed all of them except one from my buddy list just in case they didn't want to talk to me I gave them the chance to and I would not say anythign until I heard from them and I have . All the guys basically begged me to go we all had a good relationship and some of the friends me and them got along better then she did. See the reason why she broke up with me was because of difference in thinking all of her friends have the same way of thinking like I do. So I think once she finds the right guy that thinks like her they will never see her again. But of course I never said this to a soul and will never but when it happens and it will I no its not me and never was.

The sooner you get her behind you, the better. There is no bigger waste of time than letting an ex control your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Trying to make sense on what, and why she does things will leave you confused with no answers..! No Contact does not mean running and hiding, nor should it.

Chris, give it a rest, stop putting her in such a place of importance in your life. Who cares what she thinks. Have a good time, obviously you are capable of that without her input. Obviously others see you as a fun guy.

I agree with everyone who has posted... short and simple... LET HER GO!! Take her off that pedastool she has been on all this time and live your life. Go out and have a good time, you don't need her for that. She is the one ingredient that could screw up the whole recipe!!

Part 2


Here is were it gets ammusing to me. She called my grandmother yesterday again the first question to her was did you tell him I called so granny said yes. She asked if I was mad she said no he coudnt care. Then she started talking asking my grandmother is she thought that she made a mistake by breaking up with me. She also told her that her my ex's mother told her that she made a huge mistale her dad told her the same thing. The last thing she said was I did was I think is right I don't want to be someone to stay in a relationship that's not right. Then she just went on with questions about my family.

To be honest I'm not putting much thought into it I don't even care that they talk. But this is definitely meant to get back to me for whateva reason that I don't no and don't care to figure it out either. But that's the new update.

The sooner you get her behind you, the better. There is no bigger waste of time than letting an ex control your thoughts, emotions, and actions.
Trying to make sense on what, and why she does things will leave you confused with no answers................................!!.

Ohhhh that's soooo perfect! I wish all of us could just realize this:(

I reckon still deep down he wants her back but wants everything to be oh so rosey and perfect like it once was but he can't see it happening, or worried about being hurt again. A decision needs to be made asap otherwise more n more of these topics from chris are going to come up and he's just going to be going round in one big circle, you don't need that, she's still controlling your life and feelings and it isn't fair. Someone needs to ask her what the hell's she playing at, why she's ringing your family etc. Very strange girl !

I reckon still deep down he wants her back but wants everything to be oh so rosey and perfect like it once was but he can't see it happening, or worried about being hurt again. A decision needs to be made asap otherwise more n more of these topics from chris are going to come up and he's just going to be going round in one big circle, you don't need that, she's still controlling your life and feelings and it aint fair. Someone needs to ask her what the hell's she playing at, why she's ringing your family etc. Very strange girl !

Just because her parents want her back with you, will not make her want to be with you. She's going through that phase that some women go through after recently breaking up with someone where they think it may be a mistake because now they are actually feeling what life is like without you. It does not mean that she would be happy getting back with you and furthermore it probably will pass. Since she isn't sure you need to keep the space in my opinion. Stop thinking about her. She has your phone number and she can call you. Don't think about that though, just move on. Good luck.

Yea I don't think she wants me back trust you me I no this. I think she's just going through the stages were she could feel lonenly or that it might be a mistake. I no it's a faze and will pass and she will move on. It kind of made me feel a little good that I meant something but I do not expect anythign trust me I'm not stupid!.

Its over I no this.

chris28, there are six pages concerning this post and basically you have answered the same every time, only different wording, but it all means the same. You need to get a life and put this behind you. What good does it do here. I wish I could do a spreadsheet with all these posts to see how many are the same.

It appears, from reaading your descriiption, this g/f of yours needs a head check, she doesn't sound all there.

chris28, there are six pages concerning this post and basically you have answered the same every time, only different wording, but it all means the same. You need to get a life and put this behind you. What good does it do here. I wish I could do a spreadsheet with all these posts to see how many are the same.

It appears, from reaading your descriiption, this g/f of yours needs a head check, she doesnt sound all there.

Strong answer... stronge, but true.

Strong answer... stronge, but true.


Maybee so maybee not. But its what keeps me going NC

I could be worse I think

Okie well I guess maybee some of the comments folks made were right, in regards to what's my ex is doing by calling my family. At first it made me feel better that she was thinking about me and wondering or doubting her choice. Se what made me think like this is the way she is the way she acts and things she does mimic her mom. So I think a small party of me was happy once I heard her mom loved me and thinks she made a wrong choice. I guess it gave me a gliimor of hope. So it probably was not the best that I heard all that info. I have not called her and do not intend to this postings is what held me stay strong. At this point were me and her are at I'm sure if I called and talked to her we would be back togethor I no her. I just know that its not right now. She would have to call me. And again I no her so I no she will not. I guess what I'm here today for and to say is that if she made the right choice in her mind or she feels she's doing the right thing for both of us why questions your friends and ask did I make the right choice or her mom or my family. If u feel you made the right choice why re-confirm it with other. Now let me remind you this is someone who never asks for advise allways follows her feelings and desires why now wonder or doubt yourself. That's what I do not get or understand?? Hmmmmmmmm I don't no sorry for repeating the same things sometimes but it makes me understand things better at times.

Bushg is right! °°°°°°°°°°°°°

You tell us that she 'abuses' you by talking to your family... In actuality, you wouldn't want it any other way. You are still so stuck on her and that is in fact your only way of conact. You claim NO CONTACT, but that's not what you are going through. You'd probably go nuts if you did not hear about her escapades and dialogues every day.

Grow up, start NO CONTACT for real this time.. and leave once someone talks about her.

You are not going on with your life.. Your are going through denial and it's been to darned long now, it's time for YOU to go to the next stage, no matter what she is going through - you shoul not care!

Stop speculations about her and the interaction with friends and family.
Start planning and setting goals for yourself. Did you get that shampoo I suggesed yet? Did you do anything else these past few weeks for yourself without an inkling of a thought about what she would say or do about your choices?

Chris... it is now time for you to get a life, make new friends, and maybe even take a trip on the weekend far away from family too. What you need now is time with Yourself alone, in a new and different surrounding to see if you can survive being just with YOU on your mind, and nothing else.

See if you can do it... I dare you!

Get back with me on Monday and let me know if you were brave enough to get along with Yourself for a change.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

He started a different thread - same story line. He does need professional counseling. I do not mean that in a negative way either. He needs someone to help him through letting go.

He started a different thread - same story line. He does need professional counseling. I do not mean that in a negative way either. He needs someone to help him through letting go.


Yes I might need professional help I don't no not everyone is on top of there game like you people I guess.

If you read what everyone is saying then you will be nearer to the top of the game, your falling deeper and deeper and before you know it your going to be in deep depression. Stop stressing over her man it's not healthy, it's not worth it, how many years of life have you got left mate? LOTS. She will come back to you if it's meant to be! A lot of people are giving strong answers like telling you to grow up, they are not having a go at you or being nasty about it, remember that they are just doing the right thing. I've had them tell me to grow up and it's working. This girl is killing you, she's destroying your mind and you need to stop this. Are you going to be man enough to stop it right now? Stand up to it, show us how strong you are. Show everyone in your life how strong you are. Tell yourself you won't let this girl destroy you any further. Start by re-reading every post since day 1. There's plenty of advice there. Am I not right with what I said?

Chris28, it is not about being on top of our game as much as seeing what this is doing to you and wanting to see you get past all this. Some of us are older than you and have been through this kind of experience.

Chris28, it is not about being on top of our game as much as seeing what this is doing to you and wanting to see you get past all this. Some of us are older than you and have been through this kind of experience.

Got the 'spread it' message..

Some of us have been through this experience more than once, and we are still alive to tell about it. If we were not emotional we would not be human. Don't you just envy the other aminals on this planet sometimes?

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Well yes sometimes I wish I was a bug or a cat were I didn't have as much feelings. I am the type of person who believes most things people say and I am way to trusting. I treat people like I want to be treated sometimes over extend myself because I lack a certain level of self confidence. Also as far as this girl goes meaning my ex yes I love her but I don't think my major problem is getting over her or letting go its more of the fact that I'm scared of not finding someone else. Now I will say I did see a future and I thought she was the one even with all the issues I saw past it all cause my feelings were strong for her. But since she dumped me I would be able to move on cause I don't have a choice just scared of being without anyone. Then when I found out she was asking "Did I do the wrong thing??" or " people my mom, my friend " tell me I did the wrong thing... """

Makes me wonder what if!!


That's how I feel and am feeling at this moment

I am 65 and have a lot of /what ifs', but you know, I got through all of them and they don't matter now cause I moved way past all of the 'what ifs'. If we can't make mistakes throughout our life, we don't grow into the better people we should be. We all learn by the ones we make. That's what life is all about, taking chances, chris28. Have a great life, my dear, and take one day at a time. You may never find the right person, then again, you may, its all a gamble and sometimes we win big time!

Chris28..

Being alone is not a trait that is natural for humans and yes we do fear it. But.. being alone for a while and getting to know yourself better can be a blessing. It can sort things out, can help you overcome your fears and will make you stronger. There is truth in what people say about those that always need people around them - because they cannot stand the one person they should know better and like better than anyone else - YOURSELF.

Once you like who you are there is no longer a need to feel inferior - that's the goal.

Again, good luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE) When I'm alone I take out a journal and write to myself, how I felt about the day, what made me happy or upset, what I should have done, and still want to do.. makes for some interesting reading to remind me of who I am. Try it - it certainly cannot hurt or lie to you.

Once in awhile it is good to be alone and get reacquainted with one's self. Call it whatever you want - soul searching, redefining one's goals in life, affirming the good, exposing the negative... whatever works. If you cannot tolerate being alone you are not in the right place to be in a relationship.

I treat people like i want to be treated sometimes over extend myself because I lack a certain level of self confidence.
A few weeks or months of being alone and self-sufficient could do wonders for your self-confidence. Once you know that you can be healthy and happy on your own, you won't be as likely to get into unsatisfying relationships for fear of solitude. Being emotionally involved with the wrong person is WAY worse than being alone, so you really need to get over this fear of it. Like Chery says, we've all got that fear, but with age and experience, most of us learn to deal with it, usually by having one or a few unsatisfying relationships. As the old saying goes...

"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment"

Well yes sometimes i wish i was a bug or a cat were i didnt have as much feelings. I am the type of person who believes most things people say and I am way to trusting. I treat people like i want to be treated sometimes over extend myself because I lack a certain level of self confidence. Also as far as this girl goes meaning my ex yes I love her but I dont think my major problem is getting over her or letting go its more of the fact that im scared of not finding someone else. Now I will say I did see a future and I thought she was the one even with all the issues I saw past it all cause my feelings were strong for her. But since she dumped me i would be able to move on cause I dont have a choice just scared of being without anyone. Then when i found out she was asking "Did I do the wrong thing??" or " people my mom, my friend " tell me I did the wrong thing..."""

Makes me wonder what if!!!!


thats how I feel and am feeling at this moment

These things have a degree of subjectiveness. For example you could also look at this way. She messes you up emotionally by breaking up with you. Then rather than do the right thing and leave you alone to recover she comes back and hits you one more time, while you are down no less, by intervening in your life through your people. Then she tries to make you look like a emotionally weak individual simply to camouflage her own weak persona. I've often wondered if the ones we feel the strongest attraction to are really the best ones for us. Obviously sometimes they are, but is it a prerequisite that you yourself are of a healthy and sound mind to be attracted to the right person? It's very subjective. I think it's quite natural for you to fear being alone and that because you fear being alone you may lack the ability to be attracted to the right person for you. I'm pondering that for myself you know? Godspeed!

These things have a degree of subjectiveness. For example you could also look at this way. She messes you up emotionally by breaking up with you. Then rather than do the right thing and leave you alone to recover she comes back and hits you one more time, while you are down no less, by intervening in your life through your people. Then she tries to make you look like a emotionally weak individual simply to camouflage her own weak persona. I've often wondered if the ones we feel the strongest attraction to are really the best ones for us. Obviously sometimes they are, but is it a prerequisite that you yourself are of a healthy and sound mind to be attracted to the right person? It's very subjective. I think it's quite natural for you to fear being alone and that because you fear being alone you may lack the ability to be attracted to the right person for you. I'm pondering that for myself you know? Godspeed!


You made so much sense there. Matter a fact to confuse you more read my new post I just made I met up with her today... It made me more confused