I am 18, attend College and recently have been seeing someone (Something I turned away from since my past relationship).

I dated my exgf for about a year and a half, and it wasn't the prettiest relationship now that I look back at my "blinded love."

Since then I have done what I did before I dated her; casual dates/party scene; lived the single life, and very well have enjoyed it. We broke up about 9 months ago.


About a month ago this girl came into my work and was very cute, hit it off and what not, added me on Myspace (haha) and we talked a few days over that, exchanged numbers and began to talk a lot more via texting.

She asked to hang out, invited her to a little get together my friend was having, talked for a few hours and ended the night with a kiss. Nothing big to me.

Next day hung out with her and did the same thing later on in the night; been here done that type thing.

Normally at this point I'd start backing away, but didn't. Kept seeing each other, and now found myself falling for her; same thing she stated to me- and something I really didn't want to happen.

So here comes my gripe basically :x.

Last weekend she asked to hang out Friday when I got off work, called her said she was with some friends and can't now; said OK have a fun night, texted me and such for the rest of the night. Next night said lets hang out, made plans; but she ended up meeting up with some old friends that she got into a fight with a while back. At that point I was annoyed with her, and just ignored it. Went out to dinner with her last Monday, hung out and such. Weds we made plans because I was going to be out of town from Wed-Friday morning and worked Fri night/Sat night. Ditched me again basically; said she forgot she had already made friends with some of the girls, invited me to come along; then later said she didn't know what they were doing and such. Annoyed the crap outa me and said have fun bye. Asked if I was mad at her and said she was sorry wanted to see me before I left etc. Said no, and just left it at that.

She called me on thanksgiving to see how it was going and such. After that didn't respond to her text and called her today during break because my friend called me a dummy basically to ignore her if I like her. Asked her for dinner tonight; had plans with one of her friends, but maybe tomorrow and continued to text me after the phone call.

Asked her a while ago to do movie/lunch before I work; didn't respond.

I don't get it, and this is why I have strayed away from dating a girl beyond lets have fun to be honest. Now I have found myself liking her, a lot. (Obviously posting asking for some advice).

Her friend asked me how and her were doing, said no idea to be honest, asked what I wanted and such, and told me also to play hard to get because she likes more of a challenge to be the dominant person in a

As for me and my mentality if I am going to date someone beyond the casual have fun. I don't do the small games. I do not chase girls (The mere fact is I do not have to), and it seems I have now been doing that. On a daily basis I can meet any girl I want to and turn something into it, very outgoing person and a rather good looking guy also.

The conflict I have is what to do with it. Normally when a girl plays hard to get (what she seems to be doing) I just say bye. But with her, I do not want to. First girl I would consider becoming serious with since my ex, and thus has made me rather flustered with the whole bullcrap going on.

If she doesn't want to hang out, state it; do not go back on it or wind it out. (This really annoys me because I have blown other people off to allow some time for her, then for this to happen).

I am confused with her, and having trouble deciding what to do. My options in my opinion are to just shrug it off, ignore her and let it go, or talk to her about it.

-Keith

One of the main backbones to relationships is communication. Do you feel that you can't speak with her in person, face-to-face about the way that you are feeling?

One of the main backbones to relationships is communication. Do you feel that you can't speak with her in person, face-to-face about the way that you are feeling?

Oh I have no problem voicing with her in person- but it is getting there that is the problem; I was going to on Monday about the weekend, but she was having a stressful day and didn't want to add to the stress so let it be.

Thoughts about the rest?

So, what is it about this girl that is so special that you really want to pursue her?

So, what is it about this girl that is so special that you really want to pursue her?

Well she is very intelligent, and also a very pretty site. Shares a lot of the same interest as me and can also hold a conversation on my level. Very sarcastic like myself, and we always have fun.

Unlike every other girl I have met thus far, I normally lose interest in a girl within two weeks of knowing them and go the friend route. This one, don't know really how to explain it -- best for me is in terms of my exgf when I decided to date her, had something special that I didn't see in most I met.

And no idea why I am willing to pursue her which I think I have been doing when I normally look the opposite way..

She does sound like a good catch and might be worth pursuing!

It also sounds like she has a lot of friends. Am I correct?

She does sound like a good catch and might be worth pursuing!

It also sounds like she has a lot of friends. Am I correct?

^ She is. She is a very selective dater also like myself ( normally likes to do the casual thing for a few weeks before thinking about becoming more serious ). Honestly don't really know what to do. And heck have not pursued a girl since the last serious relationship... if you can call that pursuit. Lets hang out, two days later calls me telling me we are dating and I said whatever. ;O


That she does, we both keep rather busy (she is very involved with her school work). Heck only reason I am home tonight is Black Friday killed me then working and have to work tomorrow ;).

The first thing that I would advise you doing, is to have patience with her and also yourself. I know that isn't always easy, but it is something that you have to do in order for things to go along smoothly and healthilly (sp?) (Maybe I just created a word there! LOL!)

Are you mad at her for telling you that the two of you are dating?

The first thing that I would advise you doing, is to have patience with her and also yourself. I know that isn't always easy, but it is something that you have to do in order for things to go along smoothly and healthilly (sp?) (Maybe I just created a word there! LOL!)

Are you mad at her for telling you that the two of you are dating?


Neither of us consider us "exclusively dating" at least I think so. Never have brought that up, her friend more implied it I do believe. Her friends love me; and she speaks very highly of me around them from how I take it. Was rather funny the other night when I met one of her best guy friends and he "approved" of me unlike the other guys she has brought around on the casual dating scene.

Patience in what way? I have a great amount of patience if it is not in a "game" manner. Which I feel she is doing.

Was thinking around (I feel like a school girl, haven't given a girl indepth thought in some time).. Call her tomorrow (She always answers when I call haha.. no matter what the time of night/day.. ;) Drunk dialing can be adventurous) and ask to meet up for 20 or so for coffee and such; discuss what she thinks of us, and what not. Hell if I know, feel like an amateur at the actual dating thing.

Originally Posted by keithfa
Was thinking around (I feel like a school girl, haven't given a girl indepth thought in some time).. Call her tomorrow (She always answers when I call haha.. no matter what the time of night/day.. Drunk dialing can be adventurous) and ask to meet up for 20 or so for coffee and such; discuss what she thinks of us, and what not. Hell if I know, feel like an amateur at the actual dating thing.

Are any of the above actual scenarios that have happened?

When would the next time be where you will be able to speak with here face-to-face?

Are any of the above actual scenarios that have happened?

When would the next time be where you will be able to speak with here face-to-face?


?

She has missed my phone call once; and that was because her phone was on silent and called back 10 seconds later saying sorry for missing my call.

^ above has all happened, otherwise wouldn't state it.


Next time would be tomorrow if I asked and she accepted, we both attend different schools, so it is more of a when we can hang out type deal.

Would you like any help figuring out what to say to her?

Would you like any help figuring out what to say to her?

Would love it, heading out for a few hours to see my exgf who is in town for a few hours tonight though.

Going to say what I had in mind; and would love if you could respond with your opinions on the matter.




Basically tell her I am falling for her (something she stated to me this week). And would like to consider a more real relationship. Would like to see more of her, but in a more complex way when I am not running out the door. Hah.

I would be more than happy to help you! I will try to be online later, but it's going to be difficult because I do have a job that I need to get to tomorrow. But, that isn't until the early afternoon.

What I am going to recommend as starting what to say, is something like this "Hi, (name) I have a challenge (or problem) and you're the one who can help me to solve it. Would you help me? When she says "Yes." then you go from there.

There is an art in speaking that is called "Winning Without Intimidation." I use it a lot, and would be happy to coach you in it's use and application. There's hardly a time when it doesn't work.

But, we can talk later, if you would like. Seeing the ex? You're making me wonder some there..

Seeing the ex? You're making me wonder some there....?

Yeah...
Asking

I am 18, attend College and recently have been seeing someone (Something I turned away from since my past relationship).

I dated my exgf for about a year and a half, and it wasn't the prettiest relationship now that I look back at my "blinded love."

Since then I have done what I did before I dated her; casual dates/party scene; lived the single life, and very well have enjoyed it. We broke up about 9 months ago.


About a month ago this girl came into my work and was very cute, hit it off and what not, added me on Myspace (haha) and we talked a few days over that, exchanged numbers and began to talk a lot more via texting.

She asked to hang out, invited her to a little get together my friend was having, talked for a few hours and ended the night with a kiss. Nothing big to me.

Next day hung out with her and did the same thing later on in the night; been here done that type thing.

Normally at this point I'd start backing away, but didn't. Kept seeing each other, and now found myself falling for her; same thing she stated to me- and something I really didn't want to happen.

So here comes my gripe basically :x.

Last weekend she asked to hang out Friday when i got off work, called her said she was with some friends and can't now; said ok have a fun night, texted me and such for the rest of the night. Next night said lets hang out, made plans; but she ended up meeting up with some old friends that she got into a fight with a while back. At that point I was annoyed with her, and just ignored it. Went out to dinner with her last Monday, hung out and such. Weds we made plans because I was going to be out of town from Wed-Friday morning and worked Fri night/Sat night. Ditched me again basically; said she forgot she had already made friends with some of the girls, invited me to come along; then later said she didn't know what they were doing and such. Annoyed the crap outa me and said have fun bye. Asked if I was mad at her and said she was sorry wanted to see me before I left etc. Said no, and just left it at that.

She called me on thanksgiving to see how it was going and such. After that didn't respond to her text and called her today during break because my friend called me a dummy basically to ignore her if I like her. Asked her for dinner tonight; had plans with one of her friends, but maybe tomorrow and continued to text me after the phone call.

Asked her a while ago to do movie/lunch before I work; didn't respond.

I don't get it, and this is why I have strayed away from dating a girl beyond lets have fun to be honest. Now I have found myself liking her, a lot. (Obviously posting asking for some advice).

Her friend asked me how and her were doing, said no idea to be honest, asked what I wanted and such, and told me also to play hard to get because she likes more of a challenge to be the dominant person in a

As for me and my mentality if I am going to date someone beyond the casual have fun. I don't do the small games. I do not chase girls (The mere fact is I do not have to), and it seems I have now been doing that. On a daily basis I can meet any girl I want to and turn something into it, very outgoing person and a rather good looking guy also.

The conflict I have is what to do with it. Normally when a girl plays hard to get (what she seems to be doing) I just say bye. But with her, I do not want to. First girl I would consider becoming serious with since my ex, and thus has made me rather flustered with the whole bullcrap going on.

If she doesn't want to hang out, state it; do not go back on it or wind it out. (This really annoys me because I have blown other people off to allow some time for her, then for this to happen).

I am confused with her, and having trouble deciding what to do. My options in my opinion are to just shrug it off, ignore her and let it go, or talk to her about it.

-Keith
Keith, She tells you she is hanging with friends but texts you all night. Sounds as though she is really home alone and is playing the hard to get game. She knows you won't leave her. Try is ignore her. Or ask her what she is doing and then tell her you are hanging out with friends. Its your turn. She will run to you when she feels out of control or that she is losing you.

Eek Should have clarified that, girl I dated back a while ago before my official "girlfriend" came into for thanksgiving asked to hang out before she left this morning.

I have many forms of communication and... ways of manipulation; have never heard of your strategy. Care to elaborate?

Keith, She tells you she is hanging with friends but texts you all night. Sounds as though she is really home alone and is playing the hard to get game. She knows you won't leave her. Try is ignore her. Or ask her what she is doing and then tell her you are hanging out with friends. Its your turn. she will run to you when she feels out of control or that she is losing you.


Oh she knows I can and will drop her if I want to. Hell her friend when we first started seeing each other tried hooking up with me when she was not so sober. She knows from her friends, and was rather like woah when looking through my cell.
As I said a girl playing hard to get with me is a sheer dead turn-off, one that is not easily repaired.

As for me playing hard to get? Won't do it, it will either be figure what we have out, or let her be and go with "There will always be another." Sad because I do like her a lot, but yea I guess. Hah.

Oh she knows I can and will drop her if I want to. Hell her friend when we first started seeing each other tried hooking up with me when she was not so sober. She knows from her friends, and was rather like woah when looking through my cell.
As I said a girl playing hard to get with me is a sheer dead turn-off, one that is not easily repaired.

As for me playing hard to get? Won't do it, it will either be figure what we have out, or let her be and go with "There will always be another." Sad because I do like her a lot, but yea I guess. Hah.

I agree with you. It's best not to be playing guessing games of any kind in a relationship, unless both persons know that it is just a joke.

Eek Should have clarified that, girl i dated back a while ago before my offical "girlfriend" came into for thanksgiving asked to hang out before she left this morning.

I have many forms of communication and... ways of manipulation; have never heard of your strategy. Care to elaborate?

Yes, I will elaborate.

You have known her about a month now. Correct?

Okay, I can see that you are now not online anymore. So, I will elaborate some on winning without intimidation. This would be a lot easier to do if I was communicating directly with you.

The following is what I already stated in another post on this page.


What I am going to recommend as starting what to say, is something like this "Hi, (name) I have a challenge (or problem) and you're the one who can help me to solve it. Would you help me? When she says "Yes." then you go from there.

"Going from there." means addressing what the issue is without putting any blame, guilt or whatever on the other person. Letting her think that you are the one who is having the problem that needs to be solved makes her think that she cool because she can be a part in the solution to you solving your problem. You use words like we, together, work on, solve, discuss, I see where you are coming from, etc. a lot. When you do get in hang-ups in the discussion, then you use words like "probably so" or, "I'll have to think about that" rather than being confrontational.

The whole idea behind it is to work together positively for solutions to the issues where each party can end up being a winner and also feeling good about the outcome.

Okay, I can see that you are now not online anymore. So, I will elaborate some on winning without intimidation. This would be a lot easier to do if I was communicating directly with you.

The following is what I already stated in another post on this page.



"Going from there." means addressing what the issue is without putting any blame, guilt or whatever on the other person. Letting her think that you are the one who is having the problem that needs to be solved makes her think that she cool because she can be a part in the solution to you solving your problem. You use words like we, together, work on, solve, discuss, I see where you are coming from, etc. a lot. When you do get in hang-ups in the discussion, then you use words like "probably so" or, "I'll have to think about that" rather than being confrontational.

The whole idea behind it is to work together positively for solutions to the issues where each party can end up being a winner and also feeling good about the outcome.


Yea, laid down for a few moments then ended up falling asleep. Sorry about that.


Don't really understand it. Hi (name) I have a problem about a girl I like. Don't know what do with it.. Can you help me?

Really do not understand hah.

I'd let it go. She seems to be playing games for whatever reason. Your time is valuable so she needs to learn to respect that. But she won't if you continue to build your life around her. I'd forget about her for a while and go on dating and living the single life like you've been doing. She may eventually come around. I can't make any guarantees but it'll definitely increase your chances. If she confronts her as to why you haven't been contacting her then you can be brutally honest with her and simply tell her that you cannot constantly make plans with her or anyone else only to have them cancelled at the last minute and that you will not date someone who operates like that. It's not fair to you to constantly make plans with her at the expense of your other friends and then have her back out. Let her know that you're not going to jeopardize your other friendships on account of her undependability.

I reread your question tonight and frankly don't see that she's playing games. It just sounds like most of your plans have either been pretty tentative or really last minute and she just hasn't been as available to you as you'd like.

I suggest that you invite her to go out for a specific night one or two weeks ahead of time with a specific agenda (not to just hang out). Ask her "XX, will you go to ..." a movie or a concert or to dinner "with me on Thursday the 12 of December? If she says yes, buy the tickets or make the reservations, then tell her it's set, and tell her how much you are looking forward to it. Then don't try to change anything to accommodate your own schedule changes. Stick to your offer. If she tries to change things, be gracious and reschedule if you can. That's much more polite and inviting. If she can't make it on the night you picked, don't be offended, just pick another night until you find one you both can do for sure. I suspect she'll be happy to go with you and SHE'LL BE THERE :-)

It's a good sign that she has a life, not bad! When I read your posts, I see a lot of vagueness and possibly the expectation that she'll cancel her other plans to be with you even when you put tight constraints on when you are available. She shouldn't have to do stand up her friends in order to see you. Also, it would be great if you wrote in complete sentences and wrote more clearly generally. It would be easier to understand what you are saying. I feel sure that if you follow my advice, your miscommunications about dates will go away. I don't think she's playing games with you. Good luck!
Asking

The following that I already have posted is meant for something like what you might say to her, not to someone else in seeking out how to solve the problem with her.


What I am going to recommend as starting what to say, is something like this "Hi, (name) I have a challenge (or problem) and you're the one who can help me to solve it. Would you help me? When she says "Yes." then you go from there.

I do hope that we are both online sometime soon so that we can dialogue and that I can further explain what I mean. I will probably be online shortly after 9:00 P.M. your time, tonight.

Talked to her about it.

She is afraid of allowing herself to commit because of prior boyfriends, and how well I treat her.

Haven't been able to respond back was in the hospital for two days with a serious viral infection and manigidous (sp)?

Yes. It's early for either of you to commit anyway.
Hope you feel better soon! Rest and don't worry...

I think you are unrealistic in your expectations of how she should be acting toward you at this stage of the friendship. She has a life she enjoys, and to think that she will drop it all for someone she barely knows is not helping. Ease up on her, and yourself, and be cautious how much time, and emotion you are investing into this female. As you say, she and you are not exclusive so enjoy when you can, and live your life when you can't be with her. Sometimes we look to deep to soon.