asking
Nov 12, 2007, 11:23 PM
My boyfriend took me out last night to see his favorite singer. On the way to the theater he told me he wished she could be in the bedroom with us. I told him it made me uncomfortable. He said he "can't say anything." During the performance, he shouted at the end of every song, although the rest of the audience wasn't doing that. He couldn't stop talking about her all evening. When we got home, his adult son teased him about the fact that he plays her songs over and over obsessively to the point where the son said he wouldn't come out of his room in the morning until his father had finished playing the CDs. I had not realized my boyfriend was so obsessed.
When we went to bed, he told me that after his wife left him, he played the cds to himself every night while falling asleep, for months. I wanted to go to sleep, but my boyfriend was all over me, telling me how in love with me he was. Trouble is, he has NEVER said that with any real enthusiasm before and has barely said he loved me in weeks. So it felt odd. We have been having a hard time, actually. I tried to tell him what I liked, but he didn't pay much attention and kept hurting me, and I felt more turned off than I've ever been with him. I'm usuall pretty warm and enthusiastic. Also, in the 6 months we've been together, he has not been able to reach orgasm more than a few times. But last night, he went right off. He was more passionate, more relaxed. He was like a different person.
The trouble was I didn't feel like it had anything to do with me. He kept telling me how close he felt to me, but I didn't feel close to him. When he was done, I felt lonely (and left out). For months, I have been trying sooo hard to please him, without success. He says everything I do is just "nice." But it's never enough and he usually seems disappointed. Now I feel like he just wants a different person.
I didn't feel like I could talk about it to him. He'd just tell me it's not true, that I am imagining things. So I didn't say anything. I know people have sexual fantasies, but they are usual silent, inside their heads, not obvious, aren't they? This is the first time in my life I remember feeling sexually degraded and I couldn't quite say why. I felt so much loathing, I was sick. What does it mean? It's not like he has any chance of even meeting this singer. And I know he cares for me. He kept telling me this morning what a great evening he had. But I felt used and I still feel sick to my stomach. I don't know how to explain this any better. Right now, I don't ever want to see him again. And I don't want to have to explain why to him. I want someone who sees me and wants to make love to me myself. I am still young looking and amorous. I am not ready to be a blowup doll for a 65 year old guy who wishes he was with a woman in her 20s. I guess I sound pretty angry.
When we went to bed, he told me that after his wife left him, he played the cds to himself every night while falling asleep, for months. I wanted to go to sleep, but my boyfriend was all over me, telling me how in love with me he was. Trouble is, he has NEVER said that with any real enthusiasm before and has barely said he loved me in weeks. So it felt odd. We have been having a hard time, actually. I tried to tell him what I liked, but he didn't pay much attention and kept hurting me, and I felt more turned off than I've ever been with him. I'm usuall pretty warm and enthusiastic. Also, in the 6 months we've been together, he has not been able to reach orgasm more than a few times. But last night, he went right off. He was more passionate, more relaxed. He was like a different person.
The trouble was I didn't feel like it had anything to do with me. He kept telling me how close he felt to me, but I didn't feel close to him. When he was done, I felt lonely (and left out). For months, I have been trying sooo hard to please him, without success. He says everything I do is just "nice." But it's never enough and he usually seems disappointed. Now I feel like he just wants a different person.
I didn't feel like I could talk about it to him. He'd just tell me it's not true, that I am imagining things. So I didn't say anything. I know people have sexual fantasies, but they are usual silent, inside their heads, not obvious, aren't they? This is the first time in my life I remember feeling sexually degraded and I couldn't quite say why. I felt so much loathing, I was sick. What does it mean? It's not like he has any chance of even meeting this singer. And I know he cares for me. He kept telling me this morning what a great evening he had. But I felt used and I still feel sick to my stomach. I don't know how to explain this any better. Right now, I don't ever want to see him again. And I don't want to have to explain why to him. I want someone who sees me and wants to make love to me myself. I am still young looking and amorous. I am not ready to be a blowup doll for a 65 year old guy who wishes he was with a woman in her 20s. I guess I sound pretty angry.