I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if I should.
I personally don't think it's a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that he's not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?

Well to behonest there is another life you are considering than just you and your bfs, yes your 15 and yes its going to be well hard, but don't be forced by your boyfriend just because he wants to, its yours just as much as its his and I'm guessing he'd rather have a life than a baby, I'm not telling you to keep it, I'm just suggesting that you think about this and don't be forced or talked into something you don't want, how did you get pregnant, did you not use contraception and if not well then its not the babies fault.

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?
Well he and I were not as careful as we should have been.
At first he wanted me to get an abortion but that is something I am strongly agenst,
But yea I think he rather hang out,but he's still able to do that even when the baby is born because we live in different states,so he's not going to be the one struggleing with the baby,. I am but he's only thinking about how this affects him meanwhile he's not doing anything

What do your parents think? Keep or Give?? Excuse my rudeness, but c'mon now, you're 15. And if no parents, then what does who ever looks after you think?

Well to be frank he's not some worth the time then hunni, sounds like a complete idiot, and yeah he could still see his mates but well if he's not going to be careful then that's the outcome of it.
Is there anyone else that will be able to help with the baby?

You need to talk to a counselor, one that specializes in teen pregnancies/adoption.

Even willingly chosen, with eyes wide open, adoption is HARD.

Being a parent under the same circumstances is also really hard.

You have to make this choice on your own. Only you know what you can live with for the rest of your life.

I really suggest seeing a counselor about it, one NOT at an adoption agency (they will pressure you into choosing adoption, and you need to be absolutely certain of what you want).

As far as your boyfriend goes... forget him. Seriously... make this decision for your baby, and for you, not for anyone else.

First your "boy friend can not make you do anything, this is your choice alone, But you should be speaking to your parents first because it is above all depends a lot on their help at this point in your life. Also your boy friend should be in serious worry since at 15 this is statue rape in almost every state in the USA, so he should have a lot of other worries.
Also of course your boyfriend does not want to pay you child support for the next 18 to 21 years either.

And yes, from what it sounds, I would not worry about talking to the boyfiend, until you have him served with child support payments.

Well my mom wants me to give costody to her,but I don't trust her because at first she was telling me to put it up for adoption.
Lately my family has been really saportive of my decission to keep it.
But my boyfriend has been try to get them to tell me to put it up for adoption but there not because they know I don't want to

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?
Well if you were smart and weren't having sex in the first place this never would have happened. But stuff happens.. look it's your baby and it's what you want.. chances are your heck of a boyfriend would leave you either way... do what you think is right.. your boyfriend just doesn't want to pay childsupport. But he will if he leaves you anyway... But on the other hand you're really young and not ready for a child.. and giving it to a family that would be able to support it and take care of it is a better idea. But don't choose it because of your boyfriend choose it because it's what's best.

You don't even need to put his name on the birth certificate but then it may be harder filing for child support through the years as the baby grows. He would probably make you go for DNA test to prove he is the father just to make it more difficult on you. But point being, he really doesn't have a say one way or the other if you keep the baby. As Katieperez says what do your parent(s) guardian have to say about your keeping the baby? Will they help? Do you have any plans, ideas on how you are going to manage?

You should talk to your parents/guardians first. Since they will be helping you to support the child if you want to keep it, then they are the first people you need to talk to. I think you need to make a decision(with their help) that you think is right for the baby. Not for your boyfriend, not for you. You are responsible for this child's future. Are you ready to be a mom? You will have a lot of responsibilities. Not only will you have to keep up with school while raising a child, but you will also have to get up and change diapers in the middle of the night, rock a crying baby for hours when he/she is sick, clean up puke, make up bottles, and it goes on and on. I'm not trying to discourage you from keeping your child, but you need to decide if you are ready to handle all of it. Not only do you have the physical care of the child as a responsibility, but also you have to behave the right way towards the child. You have to teach him/her the right way to act, give them morals and guidelines to live their life by, and teach him/her important social skill. If you and your parents decide that you are up to the challenge, then there may be programs that can help you. Many crisis pregnancy centers have programs for teen parents. There also may be financial assistance available to you. Have you been to a doctor yet? If not, get there ASAP. You need to make sure that you are healthy enough to deliver a baby. If there are any medical problems, the sooner you know, the sooner you can get treatment for them. Once you go to your parents and a doctor, see what programs are available where you live. You may be given a social worker to help you out. I admire your sense of responsibility. If you do decide to give the child up for adoption, rest assured there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the greatest sacrifice a mother can make is to give her child a chance at a better life. If you do keep the child, then you will have a hard road ahead of you. I'm sure with the right support you can be a great mom. Good luck! :) Hope this helps.

Well making me go for a DNA test would be kind of stupid considering I was a virgin before him.
The thing about him is he's is confusing the heck out of me.
One day he's all happy an excited to be a dad and another he's paranoid and just flips out.
When he told me about putting the baby up for adoption I told him if you don't want a kid that bad then don't bother coming to see him if you want nothing to do with him.
Then he told me if I ever tried to keep him away he'll take me to court.
The whole thing is one big headache.

I would just like to point out, to counter PeggyHill...

If you choose adoption, you are at the mercy of the adoptive parents who will promise you ANYTHING to get their hands on your kids. Once they have your baby... every promise they make is up to them to keep, because there are no legal contracts in adoption.

You will wake up crying, missing your baby.

You'll miss every single first that child has... first step, first tooth, first word, first day of school, first date, first Communion--EVERYTHING.

You'll hear a baby cry, and wish it was yours.

You'll wince every time a little kid about the age of yours cries "Mamma" in a store, at a restaurant, in the park, everywhere--because your baby will NEVER call you that name.

You'll have issues in relationships because no one will ever understand why that child's birthday reduces you to tears and drinking wine alone at home.

You'll learn to hate Mother's Day, and hate your friends for never remembering with you.

You'll hate your family for not offering you the support you needed.

You'll end up in counseling for YEARS to get over your hang-ups.

People seem to think that adoption is a good option when you're still a teen, and can't support the child immediately without help--they'll tell you how good you are, how wonderful you are, how happy you've made someone else--and forget that you MISS your child, every day.

Then you get others--the ones that think you didn't love your child, and THAT is why you chose adoption.

People forget that you're not giving up just a baby--but EVERY MOMENT of a person's life.

Please... I'm not encouraging you to dismiss adoption. It was a very good option for me--I was in no way fit to be a mother as a teen. But I went into it eyes wide open, and it's STILL a struggle--and the only real reward is knowing that my child is well cared for and loved, even though I never get to see her.

15 or not--you are making an adult's choice now, and anyone that talks down to you because of your age is making a mistake. There are options out there if you want to parent--and it sounds like you do. Start with hitting the jerk of a dad with child support, and then look into your other options. There are programs out there not only to help you finish high school (if your family won't help) but to go on to college. It will be hard--I'm not going to lie to you--but you CAN do it, if you decide to.

Well this is a question only you can answer, because well think about it, I have a half-brother that is adopted, I love him with all my heart yet I've never met him. But if your final decision is to listen to your boyfriend, think it all through, I know your young but hey, people pull it through all the time so you can to if you really want to just make sure your not going with abortion because srry but I an rle against that... but follow your heart, if your ready or not, listen to yourself you;ll get the answer don't let anyone determine that answer but you because I can't even tell you the answer, go deep... you'll KNO what to do :D

My Dear... it Really Sounds Like Deep In Your Heart, You Really Want Your Child, But You're Just In A Bit Of Doubt And Fear Because You Have No Support From The People Who Are Supposed To Be On Your Side (family), Or Partner.
Like Synnen Said, You Should Seek Help From A Counsellor. If You Are Attending High School At The Moment, Then You Should Make An Appointment With Your School Guidance Counsellor. They Should Be Able To Direct You To The Right Source.
If You're Not In School, Then There Are Clinics Or Programs For Teen Mothers That Would Be Very Resourceful.
But Really And Truly... think About This Innocent Child, Who Had Nothing To Do With The Decision Of Being Brought Into The World And Then To Be Given Away. Also Think About The Way That "you" Will Feel, When You First Lay Eyes On That New Life, And Then Never Seeing It Ever Again.
Trust Me Girl... there Is Always Help Out There. I Am Sure That Your Parents Will Be Willing To Help You Out A Great Bit. As Far As Giving Over All Rights, I Strongly Disagree With That. It Will Be Like Giving Your Child Up For Adoption But Worse. You Will See The Child, But Have No Say.
Your Boyfriend Obviously Doesn't Want A Child For The Woman He "loves", Then Again... does He Know What "love" Is?? Do You?? Let's Just Say That Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
You Are Not The Only One That Has Gotten Themselves Into This Sort Of Situation. If Fact There Are Girls Younger Than You, Who Have This Kind Of Responsibility. It Will Be Hard... but Worth It!!
Please Let Me Know What You Decide. Follow 50% Of Your Heart, And 50% Of Your Mind, And I'm Sure Your Decision Will Be 100% Creditable.

Reading all of your responses really helped.
I applied for a school were I can bring my baby with me and they'll help me.
It's my baby and even though I'm young I will do my best to take care of him, with or without my boyfriends help.If he doesn't want to be the mature responsible adult he says he is then I'm not even sure he disserves to be a dad.
Im keeping my little boy!

Reading Your Response, Just Brought Tears To My Eyes. I Am Very Proud Of You, And Your Little One Will Be Also. Remember That God Wouldn't Give You Any Task That He Thought You Couldn't Manage.
Never Think That Your Child Was A Mistake... he Is Simply A Lesson. And This Experience Will Help You Make Wise Decisions In The Future.
You Go Girl!! I Believe You Will Be The Best Parent For Your Child!!

That's awesome! Good for you! That's great that you found the school! I'm sure you will make a great mom! Do you know, is it a boy or girl? Congratulations and good luck!

It's a boy!
I still haven't decided on a name yet, but I'll get there soon.
Wow if just picking out a name is hard I can't imagine everything else.
Wish me luck!

I do wish you luck because you are going to need it. No sermonizing about you shouldn't have had sex or not. You know the answer to that. You are giving up a good part of your childhood by being a mother at 15. But, from what you have written, that may be the best choice for you.

You have gotten good advice all around, but I think I need to emphasize a couple of points. First, you SHOULD list your boyfriend as the father on the birth certificate. If he wants to contest that let him get a DNA test to prove that he isn't the father (which, according to you he won't be able to). But you have to make sure he contributes to the support of this child. And putting him on the birth certificate is the first step to that.

You will need to file for physical custody as soon as the baby is born. Otherwise, its possible (though a long shot), your boyfriend could get custody himself. You then need to file for child support from him. Maybe he can't afford it now, but he may in the future.

In the end its no ones choice but yours. I got pregnant when I was 16 and now I have a beautiful 5 month old son. I won't lie, its hard sometimes but I wouldn't change it for the world. He has made my life whole. Because of him I am finishing school and taking courses for nursing. Maybe our situations are different but my son has made me a better person today. I used to not care about anything but now its all about making it better for him. If your boyfriend doesn't want to keep the baby, that's his opinion but no one can make you give that gift away, but you.

In the end its no ones choice but yours. I got pregnant when i was 16 and now i have a beautiful 5 month old son. I wont lie, its hard sometimes but i wouldnt change it for the world. He has made my life whole. Because of him i am finishing school and taking courses for nursing. maybe our situations are different but my son has made me a better person today. I used to not care about anything but now its all about making it better for him. If your boyfriend doesnt want to keep the baby, thats his opinion but no one can make you give that gift away, but you.

The only thing I would like to point out here is that your post indicates that you have a strong support group behind you that is allowing you to finish school and develop a career. This is an important aspect in the decision to have and keep a child.

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?


Chica if you abortion is against your values then do what your gut tells you. That's a miracle inside of you.. that's a piece of you! I'm not telling you what to do but I was a mother @ 16yrs old and I'm living proof that if need be you can do it alone. It is going to be hard though. Your boyfriend is very selfish and is only thinking of himself and just to let you know hunny there are programs that will help you along the way. Its what the welfare system is designed for. Continue with your education and use the resources out there to get you on your feet. A child is a blessing from GOD. Another tip is that once your baby is born make sure you file for child support... whether he wants anything to do with your child he owes that money to the child. And if he tries to be slick and give up rights he is still required to pay child support. You can do it and you will meet someone one day who will respect you and love you as well as your child. I have struggled for nearly 4 years and now it is paying off... I'm about to be married to my best friend and will soon be graduating with a degree in Health Information Management and we are becoming financially stable. But you know something, things have a funny way of working out. You never know though, he may have a change of heart once he sees your adorable bundle of joy! Babies have that affect on people. So take care.

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?
He was ready for sex but not responsibility. Sounds like he needs his walking papers. Do not do what he wants, you do what you wants and that you feel is right. But of course make him pay for his selfishness.

Dear soet626,
Truth to be told,I am against the fact that anyone would be willing to give up their child.you admit that you made the mistake but now that your child is going to be a living breathing human being it is your responsibility as a mother to protect and care for him as it is the biological parents only who can best love and nurture their children.and if you do give him up,you will always carry an unexplainable emptiness and worry about him and his present state.who says that he won't come looking after you after he matures?everyone wants to know their roots.you should continue with your education and take up a job as soon as you complete it and care for your child as well,instead of handing it over to your parents completely.however,you might have to sacrifice a part of your social life and even have to go into celibacy for your child's sake.someday you might find a man who would love you and be much better than that non-fatherly 'boyfriend' of yours and except you two as his familly.after you have your child you may not regret bringing him into this world and wouldn't even think of letting go of him.I just hope you make the right decision.GOOD LUCK!

If you want to keep the baby then you should not let your boyfriend bully you into giving it up for adoption. It will be tough to bring up a child at such a young age but kids can bring you so much joy. Do what you want to do and what is the best decision for yourself and your child x

Do you people READ?

She has already posted that she is keeping her baby.

Read the entire thread before responding, please.

And hassanyusufmian -- some of us made the best choice we could for our CHILD when we chose adoption. You weren't in our shoes, don't judge us for what was the hardest thing most of us ever had to do.

truth to be told,i am against the fact that anyone would be willing to give up their child.you admit that you made the mistake but now that your child is going to be a living breathing human being it is your responsibility as a mother to protect and care for him as it is the biological parents only who can best love and nurture their children.!

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen here. To state that only the bio parents can best love and nurture their children shows a total ignorance of the realities of life. This site is full of posts about fathers and even mothers who have abandoned and/or abused their children. The biological act of givingbirth does NOT guarantee a good parent.

Giving a child upfor adoption is one of the single most acts of love a parent can give a child. It recognizes the parent's lack of maturuity and ability to provide a good life for that child.

Yes, not everyone should choose adoption, just as not everyone should parent a child. I strongly suggest you do some more research before giving such poor advice.

And an aside to sdc719, malin20, mongoos102860, hassanyusufmian and Miss Sparkle. PLEASE at least scan through the whole thread before responding. As Synnen pointed out the thread was resolved previously.

And hassanyusufmian -- some of us made the best choice we could for our CHILD when we chose adoption. You weren't in our shoes, don't judge us for what was the hardest thing most of us ever had to do.

It seems as if you and scottGem misunderstood what I have said.you say that it was the hardest thing you had to do and I said the same thing and I wasn't judjing anyone!

I said'and if you do give him up,you will always carry an unexplainable emptiness and worry about him and his present state'

AND I NEVER SAID THAT PARENTS WHO GIVE UP THEIR KIDS ARE INHUMAN!AND YOU BLINDLY THINK I HAVE INSULTED YOU.:mad: BEFORE TELLING OTHERS TO 'SCAN THE THREAD' DO IT YOURSELF FIRST.

ScottGem,I don't exactly know how people treat their kids in the West so our views concerning parental love are completely different.what I do not understand is that first you say that bio-parents nedd not love their kids but then you say that5 giving up one's kid is the single-most act of love.clarify please!however I am strictly against adoptions that take place when the parents are still alive or too poor.God!just imagine finding out that the poorly are depositing their babies on your doorsteps daily.YOU GAVE BIRTH TO THEM.LIVE WITH THEM.if the parents are dead then adoption should occur but widescale adoption can lead to many problems such as property tussles(the most common).this site is for unplanned mothers
Unplanned Pregnancy, A Mother's Song (http://www.motherhelp.info/)

FOR PEOPLE THINKING OF GIVING UP THEIR KIDS;
Open Adoption - The Truth about Open Adoption (http://www.motherhelp.info/open_adoption.htm)
AND
Anti-Adoption (http://antiadoption.wordpress.com/)

scottGem,i don't exactly know how people treat their kids in the West so our views concerning parental love are completely different.

Well first you don't indicate where you are from. I do understand there may be cultural differences involved here. But that doesn't change certain facts. Some people are not cut out to be parents. People forced to be parents by culture and other factorsmake worse parents. You talk about misunderstanding, but the only one I see misunderstanding is you. You made it clear that you are against a bio parent giving up their child for adoption and that the bio parents are the only ones who can best love their children. I think that's a ridiculous standpoint and ignores a lot of factual evidence. I never said that bio parents need not love their kids only that some don't.

And no one insulted you. And as for Synnen's point about scanning the thread first, he was saying that the original post has already been resolved so there was no point in continuing to give advice on it.

From Scott: And as for Synnen's point about scanning the thread first, he was saying that the original post has already been resolved so there was no point in continuing to give advice on it.

She, tyvm :)

I've been reading this thread since the beginning, actually, so I don't really need to scan it to know what's going on.

As far as clarification, hassanyusufmian --SOME parents become parents because of pressure to do so--they hear (from people much like you, I might add) that you can't POSSIBLY love your child if you choose adoption, because only people who are dead or too poor would EVER choose it. The prevailing attitude among most people is that adoption is better than killing your child (or choosing to abort) but you must be flawed somehow if you want to not parent. That's simply not true. Many people that choose adoption choose so because it is the best thing they can do for their CHILD, and possibly the best they can do for themselves at the time as well.

The web sites you linked are skewed--they are the horror stories of adoption, not the success stories. I agree that there is an emptiness there forever--but it doesn't HAVE to be an awful thing.

Rather than trying to get rid of adoption, why don't you work to clarify adoption laws, to change peoples' views on adoption, to stop coercion and marketing of adoption as a perfect solution, to work to make enforcible contracts between adoptive parents and birth parents, to make pre- and post-adoption counseling MANDATORY for birth families? Why not make it so that people actually understand how different adoption is today than it was 20 years ago?

I miss my daughter every day--but I can't EVER say that I regret choosing adoption for her. She's MUCH happier and healthier with her family than I would have been able to give her, especially since I was still in high school at the time.

While I agree that coercion is still rampant in the adoption arena, and that lies can be and are told--I also believe that adoption can be and is a good choice for many people. Your attitude of hate of the adoption system is as damaging as the "honeymoon" stories you hear from women in the early years of adoption.

While this may be a difference in culture--don't post ONLY skewed viewpoints. I have a good adoption story, and I can tell you of others. Don't push being a parent the way so many push adoption.

It's an individual choice--NOT a war. What may have been good for you, isn't good for another person. Don't come storming in and tell me and others how horrible adoption is to the birth parent--I *am* a birthmother, and I've lived with that for 15 years now.

AND--the situation was already resolved by the time you posted. She chose to parent.

I am adopted and I have a son ( most likely my closest son of my older boys who is adopted. Often as in my bio parents case, she was yonng, and he was a soldier who did not want to stay around to be a father. So for me, I had a great life and my "real" parents are my adoptive parents and always will be.

So often adoption is the best thing for many children, not the best for all parents not the best for all children, but it is and should always be a option that can be best when it is best.

You are still a child yourself. Having sex and a baby does not make you an adult. I'm not sure about your financial situation but it's a lot of money to raise a child. I'm sure you know that, but there is a lot of stress involved also. And at 15 you are not yet able to handle that. Mistakes are made but this can be a good life lesson. Adoption is hard but you need to consider your babies' future. And forget about the boyfriend.

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?
Honey you need to be sure before you put the baby up for adoption because once it is in the system you can't change your mind. I understand that you are very young and maybe not ready for a baby but so was I. once you become a mum you mature and natural mother instinct kicks in. don't give the baby up because he says so you need to think about what is best for your baby not him I can't tell you what to do but I really think you should gives this a lot of thought before you do anything

honey you need to be sure before you put the baby up for adoption cos once it is in the system you can't change your mind. i understand that you are very young and maybe not ready for a baby but so was i. once you become a mum you mature and natural mother instinct kicks in. dont give the baby up cos he says so u need to think about what is best for your baby not him i can't tell you what to do but i really think you should gives this alot of thought before you do anything


This was resolved quite some time back.

Please check dates and read the ENTIRE thread before posting.

You need to listen to your heart. Giving a child up to adoption is a sacrifice for many birth mothers. It can also be a blessing for the child. And make a childless couple Mom and Dad. Many birth mothers demand open adoption upon relinquishment. But once relinquished, it is usually up to the adoptive parents if an actual "open" communication is maintained between natural and adoptive parents. Please get support in this very personal choice for or against. With either decision, you will need guidance. You can call the Department of Social Services. Please don't let anyone tell you what to do. You can take everyone's advice, but it is you and you alone that will have to live with your decision in the future. I read the rest of the thread after posting a initial response. Sorry for that. I realize that you have made the decision to keep the baby. You are very young and please ensure a good support system for yourself and your child's future.

Hi,
I'm glad to hear you've made a decision, and from the sound of things, it's one you're happy with. Have you thought of a name for your little boy yet?
You've got a difficult road ahead of you, nobody will think otherwise, but you've obviously thought and prepared for the future. I wish you all the best.
I've known a few people who were adopted, some turned out wonderfully, others have had a hard start in life. And likewise I've known a few teen parents, and seem some of their kids flourished, while others have struggled. Either way, there's no way to be a perfect parent and pick an ideal future for your baby, the best you can do is try.
I'm glad to hear you'll be continuing on with school. It'll be a struggle at first, but will pay off in the long run. And that must mean your family is willing to support you, right? If you need more support - financial, emotional, childcare etc - there are plenty of programs that should be able to help you out.
How old is the father? Have you talked to him much about your decision? Does he want to be involved in the baby's life?
I wish you all the best for the future. Send us another post when the baby comes.

Kal

soet626,
Here is a link that may help you in the future.
Keeping Your Child and Making it Work (http://www.motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild.htm)