I had to post this as this is something I am experiencing, I was in a relationship with someone about 10 years ago we broke up because of our decision to join the military. Anyway there was no contact between the two of us for those 10 years he married and divorced with no children. I married and divorced with two children.. Sometime last year we reconnected on a personals site, and from that day we have spent everyday together, even did things with my children, they love him dearly and he have treated them as if they were his children. We totally knew eachothers situation and he accepted the fact that I made it clear my children are first. We even talked about remarriage and if this was to ever happen will I be open to have more children.

Okay so within this year he was going through a lot, from work problems, gambling, addiction to prescription drugs. He was really unstable. I was his motivation, I helped him to find a new job helped him with his gambling, his addiction, made him always feel like he was someone even when he didn't feel good.

He is in his 30's still living at home with his parents. They knew him and I were dating and they knew and loved my children. But when I would go home he often would have fights with his parents because they would often ask what is he doing with me and why do he want to be with someone who already have children, Not only did they didn't approve but also because I am of mixed background. They wanted to see him with a nice Italian woman. He told me everything his parents said but assured me he was in total control of the situation.

He comes from a wealthy background and his father told him that if he thought about marrying me he wouldn't leave him a dime to support him and some tramp who has two children. This really upset my boyfriend, he felt torn between me and his parents, but in the end he choose his parents. Well I made the decision for him, because I didn't want to convince someone that I am the perfect woman. He doesn't even know if he could have children..

I on the other hand have a house and a very stable career but never belittled him in any way. I often showed support and offered to get him back on his feet. I don't come from a wealthy background but I am wealthy at heart and spirit, I made a very good life for myself I have accomplished a lot and still will continue to do much more.

I haven't called him or contacted him since the breakup, I am hurting because of the fact that we got along great! Never fought. I gave him his space we had a lot in common. My reason for writing this blog is that I don't understand why do parents punish their children for loving someone different.. I am also upset with the fact that they forget all the problems their son had far worst than mine. And he indeed is no saint, they were willing to push him off when he was doing bad, and loved me for getting them off their hands, and once he became stable again they are being supportive.

I don't intend on calling him or contacting him but I am indeed hurt, Hurt because I felt I waisted my time. I felt used and mistreated. There is a likelihood of him wanting to get back together. He is a mess right now since the breakup he has been drinking, and going out to get me off his mind. My thing is I don't know how to respond if he wants to get back together because I really love him, but I don't think I want him now especially if his parents are going to run his life...

Any advice??

His family members are racist and bigots. My father-in-law was a racist when I first started dating her he actually ask her "If she had to date why does it have to be with a nigger?" When she called my crying and told me what he said. I was not upset actually... why because I don't care what anyone thought about our relationship. I'm not trying to send the rest of my live with her father; I'm sending it with her.

It took him a couple of years to realize that there was nothing he could do so stop me from seeing his daughter. Then during family events I was there he was there eventually he dropped his ignorant belief that black people were no good or whatever he believe. He recognized that his daughter was happy. When we went through a break-up he actually told that she should work it out because I was a good man.

You boyfriend should have told his family to write him off. Personally, I rather be broke and with someone that makes me happy then wealthy and with someone I'm not happy with.

I would call don't let his family get in the way of your happiness.

Joile, I am so sorry you are hurting. You do need to stay strong and not contact him. Your boyfriend showed a complete lack of respect for you and the relationship you both had. Marrying the guy is definitely out of the question if he put his selfish interests ahead of you. Without saying the words, he told you that you weren't as important to him as money is. He will live a very unhappy and unfulfilled life with that kind of mindset. You are a beautiful and smart woman. You will find someone who will put you on a pedestal and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Please don't accept anything less than that.

I am always amazed at how some people like his folks, can be all smiles and nice to your face, then stab you in the back like that. I think that is worse than dealing with a man like marriedguy's FIL. As horrendous as that was, at least the guy was honest about his feelings. Marriedguy, I am glad your FIL "saw the light" and realized that good people are more than their skin tones.

I just replied to your earlier post (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/10-years-reunited-divorced-kids-137090.html#post712091) but the fact that he lives with his parents and has gambling and substance abuse issues wasn't mentioned there. It's admirable that you are trying to help him with his problems, but until he is able to hold a job and keep a place of his own for at least a year, he's not ready for a serious relationship, much less marriage.

Too many strong women like yourself take on hopeless cases as charity work and end up helping neither the man nor themselves, not to mention their children. Your children deserve your full attention, rather than having to compete with him for your nursing and mothering services. Let him go, and check back in a couple of years. If you're still single, and he has managed to get himself straightened out, maybe so, but not now. His parents' racist attitude is just one of many red flags flying over this relationship.

I just replied to your earlier post (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/10-years-reunited-divorced-kids-137090.html#post712091) but the fact that he lives with his parents and has gambling and substance abuse issues wasn't mentioned there. It's admirable that you are trying to help him with his problems, but until he is able to hold a job and keep a place of his own for at least a year, he's not ready for a serious relationship, much less marriage.

Too many strong women like yourself take on hopeless cases as charity work and end up helping neither the man nor themselves, not to mention their children. Your children deserve your full attention, rather than having to compete with him for your nursing and mothering services. Let him go, and check back in a couple of years. If you're still single, and he has managed to get himself straightened out, maybe so, but not now. His parents' racist attitude is just one of many red flags flying over this relationship.


Thanks you are right!! I just wanted to help him it's in my nature and my profession, and So I have and now he has a great job as an airframe mechanic making great money.. I guess I should just let it go!! I never thought of it that way... But I can say I am glad he came into my life for I have learned a lesson... Now my heart is even bigger!