Listen everyone I need some help. I got a text from my ex, its been 12 days since we had any contact. I have kept NC in place. I am so confused. She before was telling me she doesn't know what she wants. She sent me a text tonight about her cat. She wants me to come get the cat since her allergies are bothering her for having her. This is the 4th time in 3 months she uses the cat, she tells me if I don't come get the cat she will just have to give her away to someone since she can't bare to take care of her or her allergies are bothering her too much or the cat reminds her of me too much, etc... What a crock of crap! It was her cat initially, we didn't get it together. I do love the cat very much, but want nothing to do with going over to her house since I get kicked out just to get the cat. I don't want to have any contact unless she wants to work things out between us. She has used this before as a way to get me to reply to her, and then she starts in about other stuff just to make sure I am still there I think and that has nothing to do with the cat. I don't want to reply, it kills me she is using this cat thing again. I don't know what to do? I have not idea who she is anymore. This is cruel and heartless! Why would she be wanting to hurt me like this? Please everyone help me I have worked HARD on NC and healing myself and feeling better. Now I am worried if I reply I will be back to zero once again. I can't allow that. I miss our cat, but miss her too much. This is so mean and cruel. What does it mean, what should I do? HELP SOS SOS!!

You stated it perfectly. She is using that cat to make you break the NC. She knows that you will respond to the cat, so it's the last thing she has control over. It's good that you are able to see through it, and know she is using the cat to her advantage. If it's going to hurt you and make you lose what you have worked hard for, then don't reply. Don't give in.

PLEASE HELP!! What do I say?? How do I handle this??

Send someone over to get this cat. Someone that won't tell her about what you have been up to.

Unless you want her to keep this cat to contact you in the future.

She is very desperate and if not a cat she'd find other methods to keep you squirming. Immaturity, spoiled and with no line defining her behavior; just stay away and don't respond. One tiny response will give her a months supply of fule which will be used to launch a much larger demented scheme. Be very happy you didn't get her pregnant. Good luck. Ps don't work so hard on the NC just think of her as "the sniper at the gate" and just Zip-It. She's not a friend. She's someone you never met. She's someone you'd never want to meet. She's someone few of us would ever want to meet. She's BAD NEWS. If she were ever another man's cup of tea you could bet on one fact; there's a man out there who's breath could melt the brass off a door knob. DON'T even think about being that one guy.

I just got another text. Word for word says "I know you hate me but will you please tell me yes or no about the cat so I can do something about it"

I am devistated every time she sends me a message. I can't believe that I mean so little to her to not even think about our relationship after 5 1/2 years. I can't understand why she is so cruel!! What should I do? I am hurt all over again. I was doing so well. This is so hurtful!! Anyone know what is going on?

I think she is thinking of you but you are very emotional which is normal. Don't beat yourself up about it. You are being completely and utterly NORMAL! Make a decision about the cat. Do you want the cat? Can you have the cat? etc... if you decide to take it then send someone to get the cat for you. If not I would ignore her and let her figure it out. It is not you cat it is her cat which means it is her problem. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh lol. Oh yea don't even acknowledge the hate her remark she is trying to get a reaction out of you. Maybe to confirm you care which I doubt but maybe. Or maybe to stroke her ego. Either way not your problem. GOOD LUCK!

Do you want the cat? Seriously, do you want the cat? If your answer is no, tell her that! Reply and say, do whatever you need to with the cat, I don't want him, so stop texting me and calling me cause Im not going to come and get the cat. After that don't respond any more.

Thanks for you all replying, let me just say I love the cat, but it is not about the cat. This is so hurtful I can't even think. I know I am getting all emotional once again. I was doing so well, this just sucks. Why do girls find it necessary to keep stomping on your heart when they have already broken it? I have not bothered her, nor will I, she can do whatever she wants to, she is seeeing someone and I am not being psycho, I have left her alone. I am still in love with her, but know I have to let her go and am trying very hard. It just seems to me she have not loved me for a long time and it is so easy for her to continue to take punches at me with my emotions. This is so unfair, do any of you girls have any advice about what she is trying to do to me? I have accepted we are broken up, I have not bothered her, let her move on however she wanted to. All I keep thinking is this is just a ploy to get me to reply, then she will know I still love her. This is so mean, why does it matter, why would I want to help her after she ripped out my heart over and over by giving me false hope then telling me how she is hurting also and still cares? This is so cruel and mean! Why keep hurting me? Its like she is someone completely different. I don't know her anymore, this hurts so bad. I just have lost it all over again. I am so exhausted with the emotional sadness!! Help me please!

Diamondstar03, the healing process is never easy. To answer your question about why women do this, not all women do this. She obviously has issues within herself whether they are insecurities or what. You need to try and keep yourself busy. Find things to do.

Thanks for you all replying, let me just say I love the cat, but it is not about the cat. This is so hurtful I can't even think. I know I am getting all emotional once again. I was doing so well, this just sucks. Why do girls find it necessary to keep stomping on your heart when they have already broken it? I have not bothered her, nor will I, she can do whatever she wants to, she is seeeing someone and I am not being psycho, I have left her alone. I am still in love with her, but know I have to let her go and am trying very hard. It just seems to me she have not loved me for a long time and it is so easy for her to continue to take punches at me with my emotions. This is so unfair, do any of you girls have any advice about what she is trying to do to me? I have accepted we are broken up, I have not bothered her, let her move on however she wanted to. All I keep thinking is this is just a ploy to get me to reply, then she will know I still love her. This is so mean, why does it matter, why would I want to help her after she ripped out my heart over and over by giving me false hope then telling me how she is hurting also and still cares? This is so cruel and mean! Why keep hurting me? Its like she is someone completely different. I dont know her anymore, this hurts so bad. I just have lost it all over again. I am so exhausted with the emotional sadness!!!!! Help me please!

Be strong! You Deserve better!

Don't lower your standards she is obviously messing with you its either the cat or something else. I would consider changing you numbers. If you feel the text messages are too much. I wouldn't even bother saying anything else to her. Nothing Complete NC.
Change your number and that will ensure no contact. Delete all contact info from your phones etc.. I am sure you have her number memorized but make it as dificult as possible for you to contact her. That's what I did and it helped a whole lot. You don't owe her or the cat anything. Who you owe is yourself you owe yourself a break. You deserve it take it enjoy it and don't turn back. I feel for you I have been there and believe me I can relate to the overwhelming feeling. You need balance in your life and you need to get her out of the way so you can focus on you. Breathe it gets easier.

kuulski, thanks I appreciate your words. I wish I could change my number, however it is a company phone and would be A lot of trouble. I have removed all contact info and stuff so I don't get reminded but it still hurts. I thought I would have woke up today feeling better but I feel the same. Its so hard to even get up, all I feel like doing is laying down in bed like I have been for 2 days now and feel sorry for myself. I know it is not what I should be doing, I am just so depressed. I just can't fathom how this is the way things are now.

You are not at Guantanamo Bay ----

Don't feel powerless.

You can respond to her however you wish. She IS using the cat... but hey.

You can get it. Send a friend. Tell her not now. Just know that NC is your right.
And so is feeling in control. This was only a temporary setback.

Ok so more texts today, and 6 or 7 calls. I didn't answer any of them. It was real mean the way she was talking. Telling me I am not being a man to give her an answer. Not replying to texts. Saying she is going to take the cat to the shelter, etc... I thought I made my position clear the last time we spoke. I said, "I am done playing your games, you are a cruel mean person to me and dont care about me, I have nothing more to say since you are not intrested in me anymore since you broke up with me and are still playing with my emotions!" So why oh why is she still bothering me? I am not doing anything but trying to heal? I am giving her what she wants? What else can I do to feel better? I am hurting so bad with all this, but I will NOT break NC until she shows me I matter, which I think will never happen now. So I will not reply to anything. Is that wrong?

No you are doing the right thing! She sounds like one nasty piece of work!! Man - stay away! In 12 months time you'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in her - look at people's reactions on this thread!

I always found going to the gym was a great way to forget about an ex. Go for a run and then call an old friend. DON'T REPLY TO HER. It's over and you're better for it.

Ok, now I am really depressed. I need some real opinions now. I still have not broken NC and will not answer her calls or her texts. She has called 5 times today and sent this text "whatever! ur a piece of sh^t for not answering. i can see that u really loved the cat just like u said u loved me. its all a lie with u. goodbye" This is so mean to me, I can't even understand what all this means. Please you all tell me what she is trying to do to me? I am so upset now. Please help me

She is trying to say things to get you to respond. When she realizes that your not answering her, she is going to resort to comments that will get under your skin and cause a reaction of defending yourself. That would include you calling her to give her a piece of your mind. Don't DO IT!! Stay STrong!!

I know :( I am trying so hard to stay strong but I am hurting so bad with her hurtful words. How can someone be so cruel?

That's exactly what she wants is for you to be upset

I agree totally with Kanicky, she wants you to be upset. She wants to know that you are still pining away for her.

Don't let your guard down Diamondstar, stay strong and stay focused. If you give in to her games then you will be back at square one. I think that it's really low that she would use the cat to try to get to you that way. You're doing great with keeping the NC, keep it up. Reading your post made me so sad because I can relate to the pain that you feel. Just remember that We are all here, and we are all behind you.

kanicky73, little firefly, I appreciate you alls kind words. I am trying to stay strong. Since you all said she is just wanting to get a response out of me and make me upset. I just don't know what to do? I am still in love with her and that's why it hurts so bad. I just don't know how she can be so mean and cruel. I miss and love her but can't give in... I am so hurt. I want the both of you to know how much I appreciate your thoughts. From a woman's point of view, can I ever expect her to wake up and see how she is hurting me?

If she has any kind of a heart, and had any love for you at all, then she should already know it. I couldn't imagine ever causing any kind of pain to anyone that I loved, even if I am no longer with that person.

I know how much it hurts to still be in love with someone who does things to hurt you, I'm still dealing with it myself. If she does wake up and realize it one day then you have a decision to make as to whether you want any more contact with her. For now just stay focused on yourself and your healing, because your emotional well being is the most important thing right now. Don't allow her to hinder that process... easier said than done, I know.

What is wrong with me? Why am I letting this get to me so much? I thought I was doing well, now I am just doing crappy again. I love her and miss her so much, I feel like such a sap!! I am disgusted with myself for being so sad. It has been over 3 months now and I am still crying like a child. She seems to be taking pleasure in hurting me. This is so unkind. I can't believe I was so wrong about her after 5 1/2 years. This just breaks my heart all over again.

There is NOTHING wrong with you, and you have no reason to be disgusted with yourself. It's been 6 months for me and I still cry. For some of us it takes a lot more time to get over a broken heart. It's because we give our whole heart to the person we are with and think that it will be forever. Don't give up on yourself. 5 and a half years is a long time to be with someone, so it's going to take a long time to heal. If you feel the need to cry, then by all means cry, and don't ever think or let anyone else make you think that there is anything wrong with you for it!

Thank you firefly, I am just so upset. I wish she would just want to be back together. I would give anything to be back together and happy. I guess I am just fooling myself to ever think she ever will come back. This holiday season is going to hurt so bad with her being gone :( I miss her so much and can't fathom how much it hurts every time I fall down. I have read so many get your ex back ebooks and feel like it was all a waste. I am so gullible. I would do anything to be back with her and I shouldn't think that way. I am just so sad. I think about her constantly, I wish I had some way of knowing anything about what all this means!! Gosh I am so emotional and sad. This hurts so bad!!

I know what you mean about wanting to get back together with your ex. I feel that way a lot about my ex too. I miss him, and the times we had together, but then I wonder if we would get back together if I would just end up hurt by him again. Letting go is so hard.

I wish I could reach through my computer and give you a big hug and tell you that everything will be all right. I can't do that, but I'm almost always online and ready to listen if you ever need to talk to someone who understands.

Hang in there Diamondstar

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your having natural reactions to feelings you have for someone you care about. Stop and think for a moment that maybe just maybe the reason she is still stringing you along so to speak is because she still has feelings for you but can't say it because she is involved with someone else and maybe she is torn as well. She definetely isn't handling it correctly but that may be why she is acting like this. She may be struggling as well as you are but she has someone to take it off her mind, you don't. Go out and socialize with your friends. If you and her are meant to be together it will end up that way. In the meantime find things to occupy your time so your not just sitting around thinking about it 24/7. Easier said than done,I know, but you may be surprised at how much you think of her less when your out keeping yourself busy.

I definitely agree with Kanicky. There could very well be the possibility of her being torn and not really knowing what she wants. Sometimes love can make us do some really strange things that don't seem to make much sense.

Don't live like you hope for it to happen because you could set yourself up for even more hurt. Live knowing that if it's meant to happen then it will one day. As Kanicky said, find things to occupy your time. I've always been an animal lover, so I've been been giving some of my time volunteering at this areas animal rescue league. It gives me a feeling of fulfillment and keeps me from constantly thinking about my ex.

Hey, stop it! If you keep on saying "im upset, im sad.." then u'll always be addicted to being depressed --> that's the normal psychology, no kidding!

If you want to be happy, then think happy things. Are you ready to tell yourself everyday after you wake up and before going to bed that "yes, i'm leading a happy life, i have enough air, food, good job and everything in my hand. Nothing can defeat me and stop me from enjoying my life". Just try to tell yourself now, see how it works.

Focus on things right around you, you will find the meaning of life.

You will only lead your life to EITHER BETTER- happy- OR depressed all the time and a real loser. The choice is yours.

She is the rotten part of your life. When she turns her back on you --> you turn your back on her too. You don't need to answer anything if you don't want. No one can judge like "u piece of sh1t for not answering", you have human rights, so whoever told you that, if that person is in front of you, beat the sh1t out of them, if they are far away, just ignore them. They are losers for sending things without respond.

Hey you all, thank you for your kind words. I do understand what you are saying. I really do, its just hard. I really do try to be positive, and keep busy with things. I just lose it more often than I would like to. She means so much to me, and I just seem to mean nothing to her. It is hard to accept after so long. I just don't understand is all. I am a real good person and have so much love and affection to give, and I have been dating some, and seeing people, its just that there not her. I just fell for her way to hard and deep in my heart. I really thought she felt the same way. It seems that once I was divorced and with her exclusively I didn't live up to her idea of what she wanted over time. It just hurts real bad. I know she wanted for us to be married, but I wanted us to be happy and married. I do feel foolish since I let her walk all over me like a doormat. I just should have had more self respect to say your mean and cruel. But since I am so sappy in love with her I let her do it. I hope she leaves me alone now. She has not tried to contact me since that last mean text about I am piece of sh^t, which was yesterday. Think she may try to contact me again?

Then I would take this as she is finally getting it. But like I said she may be acting this way because she is struggling with the same thing, just handling it different than you. I don't think you have taken a moment to really think about it that way. Please stop and think that this may be her reaction to her struggling with her own feelings, this may make it easier on you. Either that or try getting mad about it and mad at her for acting like such a fool. Do you really want to be with someone who can be so mean? Really think about that. I know love can be blind but I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who can get so nasty when they don't get what they want.

kanicky73
Full Member





Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 355
Then I would take this as she is finally getting it. But like I said she may be acting this way because she is struggling with the same thing, just handling it different than you. I don't think you have taken a moment to really think about it that way. Please stop and think that this may be her reaction to her struggling with her own feelings, this may make it easier on you. Either that or try getting mad about it and mad at her for acting like such a fool. Do you really want to be with someone who can be so mean? Really think about that. I know love can be blind but I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who can get so nasty when they don't get what they want.

Thank you Kanicky73, I agree and my love is way too blind I think. I don't want to be with someone that is mean and nasty like that. Its just like you said, its been a long time is all, and she wasn't like that before. I used to think she was just struggling with her emotions, but now I think its just I don't matter and it kills me. I guess it is a hard lesson to learn. Just too bad I had to lose everything to find that out. I miss and love her so much!! I do wish I could get mad, just can't seem to do it. I am such a sap.

Personally I would maintain NC so you can get your life back on track. That is what is your #1 priority.

Thanks Smoothy, I am doing just that. It hurts still every day though, I still just can't believe it you know? I just wish I was stronger :(. 2 days since her last text. I really miss and love her so much, but I don't miss the cruel mean words. I will NOT break NC until she comes around and even then, not sure what I will do after all this. What do you all think?

Keep up with the NC. She'll have to deal with the cat on her own. Whatever you do, don't respond to her. It sounds like she's trying to maintain control, seeing if she still has a hold on you so don't give away your power by giving in to her.

Thanks Smoothy, I am doing just that. It hurts still every day though, I still just can't believe it ya know? I just wish I was stronger :(. 2 days since her last text. I really miss and love her so much, but I dont miss the cruel mean words. I will NOT break NC until she comes around and even then, not sure what I will do after all this. What do you all think?Just keep with it, one day you will wake up soon and its not going to be bothering you much if at all. Everyone needs a different amount of time, but in a few months you will be feeling much better if you keep away from her. Treat her like you would poison Ivy. If you insist on playing with it its going to bother you a long time, but keep away from it and you don't have the long term irritation.