I have substituted fictional names in the following narrative to make it easier to understand.

About 4 months ago, both myself and my co-worker/friend (Sarah) each simultaneously developed feelings for separate guys. Mine was a friend outside of work (Jason) and Sarah's was another guy from our office (David).

Another co-worker (Ryan) who also became a close friend of ours, stepped in and went to great lengths to help both of us create opportunities with our love interests and to lend an ear when we both needed to vent out our frustrations with our love interests. After having confided so much to him, I consider him my best friend.

Sarah was also very excited about offering me advice on how to catch my guy because I was open about it. However, Sarah didn't seem to want to discuss about David with me, but only with Ryan, so Sarah and I never talked about David. I later found out from Ryan that she had previously tried to set me up with Ryan because we were (and still are) both single.

Jason and I didn't work out, but I eventually developed feelings for Ryan. I guess Sarah and David didn't work out either, but I only realized this after she returned to the office after being out of the office for a month and I had already developed feelings for Ryan.

Now I constantly feel torn and frustrated. After having previously professed to 2 other guy friends that I liked them, I do not want to lose anymore friendships by professing to anymore guy friends. But I can't stand seeing how close Ryan and Sarah are sometimes. I tried to hint to Sarah that I have some feelings for Ryan, but she seems to want to ignore my hints and does not seem to be as supportive as when I had feelings for Jason.

I feel torn because sometimes when I see how close Ryan and Sarah are sometimes, I feel like I should let go and give them a chance. But one look at Ryan's cute facial expressions, I would fall for him again and I can't let go.

I just want to be with Ryan all the time. I feel so incomplete when he's not around. My mind is always preoccupied with what he is doing. I always worry when I don't know what Ryan is doing because I don't know if he's spending time alone with Sarah, even though I know he has a right to hang out with anyone he chooses.

And I get so jealous when he tells Sarah more than he tells me about himself. I tell myself it's because they know each other longer, but I still can't help feeling jealous. He even admits that her hot temper can only be rivalled by his. He seems to be getting frustrated when I ask him too much about himself, but I get jealous that she knows so much about him, but I don't. I tell him EVERYTHING about me, hoping he would do the same, but I know he has a right to his privacy. Sarah seems to know about everything that Ryan and I do together, but I don't know everything that Ryan and Sarah do together.

The problem is, Ryan and Sarah are both my friends. I can't tell if they have feelings for each other. I don't want to ruin my friendships with either of them, but I get so frustrated when they get close.

What should I do? I tried letting go, but I can't stand it. I try to hang on, but I can't stand it either. How do I get him to open up to me more?

Bottom line... "Ryan" and "Sarah" have got a little connection going on here. It's very obvious. She gets frustrated when you want to talk about Ryan and he get frustrated when you try to force him to reveal more about himself. The best thing to do in the situation is to take a step back and just be yourself for a while... don't worry about trying to get Ryan to talk to you like he does Sarah... if he wanted to, he would. Don't worry about Sarah being interested in Ryan, just let it be for a while. If she knows you like him then chances are she's going to feel threatened and "up her game." You never know... you could feel you are more interested in this guy than you actually... we tend to want what we cannot have. Like I said, take a step back, let it go, and don't make yourself seem foolish by being needy. Good luck!

I also noticed that during our group conversations, he looks at Sarah all the time when he is talking to her or when she is talking. And when he makes snarky comments to her, he would look at someone else (not me) for support. He seems to forget that I'm in the group sometimes when he doesn't talk to me directly or look at me directly.

Also, Sarah is still pretty good friends with David... but I guess her feelings for Ryan are now stronger than for David?

And I thought she tried to set me up with Ryan earlier!

I understand that in situations like this, I should step back. But how do you get closer to someone if you keep stepping back? I'm afraid of losing Ryan if I step back. It feels like I have trouble getting close to anybody. How to do you get close to someone without smothering them? I envy those who are tight like peas in a pod.

I guess what I want to know is... how do I win Ryan's heart?

You must be with Geico?

Best to be exactly who you are, no game plan needed. See what happens and be professional in your communications with him and try to stay clear of "the details" when talking with your girl friend.

Huh? Geico?

Anyhow... there's a small group of us at work who have become very close friends... both inside and outside of work. So much that we hang out on a regular basis, much more than with most of our other friends... simply because we want to hang out with our close friends, and not for professional reasons. Ryan, Sarah and I are all part of that group.

And if Sarah "ups her game"... how can I up mine's too?

And I've already seen first hand what effect "stepping back" results in. Back then, when my other friend Charlotte found out that I was interested in Jason, she promised me that she would also help me, but her actions certainly weren't helping me. I stepped back. Jason now appears to be interested in Charlotte. Although it doesn't matter as much now, since I'm interested in Ryan, I still feel betrayal from Charlotte and I am afraid that stepping back from Ryan will have the same result as stepping back from Jason.

After going through so many similar experiences... maybe love isn't for me.